00:00Yolanda! The mayor's up my ass! I want justice! Get him in here!
00:08Is that right? Should I be angry?
00:10The film's hero is police justice. I had a real-life former cop help me with the dialogue.
00:13I'm gonna punch you in the heart!
00:15Real-life former cops aren't great with dialogue.
00:17I don't think police should be heroes.
00:19Freda, pay your rent.
00:20Sorry, Albed. I need more information. What's my motivation? Am I married? I need more to go on. Can we
00:27get lunch?
00:27Okay, cut. That's about all we got. Chang found out that McRib was back and we lost the rest of
00:31the day.
00:31Great actor. Huge McRib problem.
00:35Everybody, this is my friend I told you about, Maury.
00:39He's a genuine Hollywood film producer whose doctor ordered him to live in Colorado due to a medical condition.
00:44Tell them what you told me. Yeah, my blood nitrogen levels are through the roof. Most of the time I
00:47can't...
00:48Oh, no, no. The other thing. Oh, right.
00:50If you can cut together an 81-minute movie that arguably stars the ham girl guy, I can guarantee distribution
00:55and a fast turnaround deal.
00:56People do it all the time with old footage from recently famous actors.
01:00Have you seen Vin Diesel in 1996's Happy Pants?
01:03No.
01:04Well, neither has Vin Diesel. But his roommate from film school saw 500 grand.
01:09But I can't just burn up my cop drama. It's my only chance at the mainstream success I need before
01:13I'm allowed to make weird stuff for money.
01:15It's my American Graffiti, my Elephant Man, my Four Rooms, the Robert Rodriguez segment.
01:18Well, why does it have to be a police movie? People don't even like police now. They like dinosaurs, they
01:23like aliens, and anything else that Chris Pratt can join forces with.
01:26Ooh. I have three minutes of footage and he's clearly a police chief behind a desk in New York.
01:29Is he? Or is it Space York? Or is it a dinosaur desk? How do I know? Just add some
01:34CG. That's what they do with Chris Pratt. They put him in a regular scene and then they add some
01:38gaggoos.
01:39I have a few CG models of some gaggoos. I got fired from a mouthwash commercial, but I successfully won
01:45back the rights to my gingivitis monster.
01:48Also, I don't know if it helps, but when I moved into my RV, I found this.
01:53Now, do you notice anything strange?
01:56There's no green three in billiards. Now, there's a green six and a green fourteen, but never a green three.
02:03So, what sport is this from? And why was it in my RV?
02:10Anyway, I can do some CG for the movie.
02:13You'll need a Chris Pratt type. I'll do it if I have to. I can slouch.
02:17I can't believe you guys are the ones pitching me this, and I can't believe I'm saying no.
02:20You're not saying no. I mean, legally, I can't force you, but I can do a morning announcement that'll make
02:26everyone hate you forever.
02:27Technically, Abed, you would be robbing the school for half a million dollars by not making this movie.
02:32But what movie?
02:33Have you not been listening? The movie about the ham girl guy in his space office, fighting some gaggoos, led
02:39by Chris Pratt type, played by Jeffrey, without his shirt. It shoots this weekend.
02:44Yeah.
02:45Okay, but I get final cut, and it has to be a good movie.
02:48Agreed. But you have to finish that cut by Monday, even if it's bad.
02:51I agree to that, but it has to be good by my standards.
02:53Absolutely. And also, if it's terrible, nobody will notice or care.
02:56You guys are all going to help me? And we're going to make a good movie?
02:58Definitely. Or a bad one. Probably a bad one. I think we're all on the same page.
03:03I guess so.
03:05So, let's crap out this piece of crap.
03:08That attitude concerns me.
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