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00:00:28Transcription by CastingWords
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00:02:12used a body double. I've just had a thought. What do you think if I asked you to present
00:02:19the awards? Oh, Gabriel, let me stop you there. I'm not presenting these awards. Well, that
00:02:24would be a mistake. A missed opportunity for you, Will the Farmer, with some brand. Gabriel,
00:02:31your little festival, it's a low-rent nightmare. Whatever bullshit you've done to get this
00:02:36accredited by the Academy, it's a win here. Honestly, I don't want to be part of it when
00:02:40it all goes tits up. It's all showbiz, Will. And you are one of the greats. This is an
00:02:45opportunity that should be grabbed with both hands. Gabriel, please, please don't bullshit
00:02:50me. Put on a show, Will. Razzle dazzle them. It will be you that they'll remember. I don't
00:02:57want to present an award to a shit Tarantino wannabe, Tug Speedman. Truth is stranger than
00:03:02fiction, Will. Look, why don't you stay, listen to the key speaker talk, and then see how you
00:03:09feel. Do you know what? I don't feel well, Gabriel. That was funny, isn't it? If you've
00:03:15got a tractor, you're a farmer. If you don't, you're just a gardener. Do you know what? I
00:03:20am not sitting here listening to that. Gabriel? Are you all right?
00:03:28Oh, I don't feel good. I just don't feel good. I don't feel good. I don't feel good.
00:04:10Hello, Giggles. Didn't know we were going to be a threesome tonight.
00:04:13What's the point in having a phone if you don't read your messages?
00:04:17Oh, shit. Sorry, no. I've been avoiding my dad all day, so...
00:04:21phone. I'm breaking up with you. Okay. It's not you. It's your dad.
00:04:31Yeah? Not in that way. It's just the way he controls everything you do.
00:04:39I'm waiting for the punchline here, but I'm sensing it's not coming.
00:04:44Look, my dad is just my dad. Like, I'm my own boss.
00:04:52Okay, but that is five unread messages, which I'm not going to read.
00:04:57I'm with Giggles.
00:05:00Caroline, I thought we were going to make a movie together.
00:05:04I think we're both done with that.
00:05:07You know what? I think I'm just going to...
00:05:25Oh, God. Sorry, sorry.
00:05:26I'm just going to...
00:05:56Dad, where have you been? He's having a heart attack.
00:05:59Will the farmer and a cow jumped over the moon.
00:06:03No, Dad.
00:06:04Gabriel, everything's going to be okay.
00:06:06Alan's here now.
00:06:08Listen to me, son.
00:06:11Do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at the Chinese laundromat?
00:06:15Pledge.
00:06:16Um, how sure are we that this was a heart attack?
00:06:20It's not.
00:06:21The film festival.
00:06:22The film festival goes ahead.
00:06:26You're in charge.
00:06:27Gabriel, talk about this at the hospital.
00:06:29Where is this ambulance?
00:06:30Ambulance is on the way.
00:06:31No, Dad, Dad.
00:06:32Cancel the film festival.
00:06:34Alan.
00:06:36I am not willing to donate a kidney, but I am willing to watch you die slowly if you're
00:06:40looking for that kind of thing.
00:06:42Huh.
00:06:45Um...
00:06:45Any idea what you're going to do?
00:06:47Uh, no.
00:06:48No, Will, I don't.
00:06:48Well, good luck with everything.
00:06:50Um, Will the farmer to present best picture?
00:06:52Yeah.
00:07:13Somebody I'm not.
00:07:15I don't want to be somebody I'm not.
00:07:19Standing in my shoes, someone I'm not
00:07:23I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:07:30Standing in my shoes
00:07:32I got this feeling that I'm always gonna lose
00:07:36I guess I know someday I'm gonna have to choose
00:07:41Cause I don't wanna hide away
00:07:44Yeah, yeah
00:07:47Somebody I'm not
00:07:49I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:07:54Standing in my shoes, someone I'm not
00:07:58Cause I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:08:04Standing in the light
00:08:06And never knowing when it's gonna be my time
00:08:11I got some merchants I really wanna shine
00:08:15Cause I don't wanna hide away
00:08:18Yeah, yeah
00:08:21Somebody I'm not
00:08:23I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:08:28Standing in my shoes, someone I'm not
00:08:32Cause I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:08:38So, it goes
00:08:42Seems like I'm running blind
00:08:47But oh, you know
00:08:52It's like I'm stuck in time
00:09:16Somebody I'm not
00:09:18Somebody I'm not
00:09:19I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:09:23Standing in my shoes, somebody I'm not
00:09:27I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:09:29You know
00:09:30I think I'm gonna faint if we don't eat soon
00:09:33There's a Costa Starbucks back at the station
00:09:36I can get those anywhere
00:09:38I need authentic Edinburghan food
00:09:42I don't know if it's an actual word
00:09:44But it is now anyway
00:09:47Um, there's a greasy spoon three blocks from here
00:09:52Authentic Scottish cafe, it says
00:09:54Perfect word
00:09:55I'm gonna use it in a sentence
00:09:57I just did
00:10:05Where are all these Scottish brutes have been told about?
00:10:09You're gonna cop a flower pot if you don't move them trotters
00:10:15At her butt
00:10:17Oh my god
00:10:19I'll get my dog
00:10:25Are you sure?
00:10:28Of course
00:10:29He's got no reason to lie, I sure
00:10:31Can we go home then?
00:10:33Alan's sorting it out
00:10:35That can't be good
00:10:42Come on
00:10:53How's it going?
00:10:55A few technical issues
00:10:56But then again, it's an old laptop
00:10:58So I probably need some replacing
00:10:59She means your dad, Alan
00:11:01Oh god
00:11:02Um
00:11:03Yeah, better, I think
00:11:06He left me a three-page text message this morning
00:11:08That he signed off with
00:11:09And don't mess this up
00:11:12So it's safe to say
00:11:13He's back at the farm on this festival
00:11:16That'll be fine
00:11:19See, he's working
00:11:21And gone again
00:11:28Will!
00:11:35Gabriel's on the mend
00:11:36That's good
00:11:36Will, I still need a key speaker
00:11:38Please check out time for me
00:11:40No, Will, please
00:11:41I'll give you anything, okay?
00:11:42I have a kidney you can have
00:11:43It's barely been used
00:11:45When you get chased by a pack of taxidermists
00:11:48Don't play dead
00:12:06Is there no one here to meet us?
00:12:08It's fine, we'll just grab a taxi
00:12:11Did you not order car service?
00:12:13I'm sorry
00:12:14I'll just bung it on my credit card, shall I?
00:12:17There's no budget for this trip
00:12:22Seriously
00:12:31Good news or bad?
00:12:32My father would say this is a challenge
00:12:35So bad then?
00:12:36Yeah, it's not good
00:12:36One of my key speakers has pulled out
00:12:38He's got the flu
00:12:39One of the criteria for qualifying for an academy award
00:12:42Is you must provide at least two key speakers
00:12:46To tell you movies are good
00:12:49All right, okay, it's fine
00:12:50Just breathe
00:12:53That's it
00:12:54Not the first guy to have a panic attack on us
00:12:57Look, if my dad doesn't kill me, Doug Speedman will
00:13:00God's was a good movie
00:13:01The ending was much, though
00:13:03No, his father is paying for the festival
00:13:06You know this isn't your fault, right?
00:13:08Yes, but my dad can make it my fault
00:13:10Right, first things last
00:13:12What's the key speaker?
00:13:14Oh, I don't know
00:13:15It's got to be an actor or a celebrity
00:13:17Someone who can talk about their experience
00:13:19Making movies with the other filmmakers
00:13:27Rachel
00:13:28Oh, shit, yeah, Rachel Warren
00:13:30Who is Rachel Warren?
00:13:35She did that stupid werewolf movie with Jess
00:13:38It's in the festival
00:13:39Can you get her?
00:13:41Yeah, I know her will
00:13:42She should love to come and be your celebrity
00:13:49You have no idea where we're going
00:13:51Yes, I do
00:13:59It's this way, come on
00:14:02We made a movie about Chinese families in the 18th century
00:14:06Stories about mothers and daughters
00:14:12This country makes no sense
00:14:15This country makes no sense
00:14:16This country makes no sense
00:14:20You can't marry this person
00:14:22You don't know what you're going to do
00:14:24You don't know what you're going to do
00:14:26I hate you!
00:14:31Don't you know what you're going to do
00:14:36I hate you, aunty?
00:14:48Do you know what you're going to do
00:14:51You don't know what you're going to do
00:14:55Hi we're Ashraf and... Millie. What the fuck was going with Millicent? We made
00:15:02Milicious Incent.
00:15:10Do I think we can win? Yeah. Right babe? Well forget winning. I mean I'm just here
00:15:17for the fit guys with their sexy Scottish brogue. I mean I haven't met any just yet
00:15:22but I did spot this guy he looked a little bit like Chris Hemsworth on the plane
00:15:26you know the guy from Thor. I mean given the chance I didn't. I was Thor.
00:15:32You do know I'm not one of your pals don't you? You know I can't just un-hear this stuff.
00:15:38I will.
00:15:41I'm not really hungry. Nominations for Best Actress are Fran Whittaker for Hey Mr DJ.
00:16:00I can explain. I want you to leave. Out of my house.
00:16:13What's black pudding? It's pork with beef blood mixed with oatmeal and fried. Are we in the same country?
00:16:20Thank you. No. We're in Scotland.
00:16:23Esme Presley, poor gods of Shoreditch.
00:16:26Your sword skills do you a disservice sir.
00:16:29The seal calls to you. But it is lying.
00:16:34That may be so. The seal is our portal to the future.
00:16:38It is the devil's work.
00:16:40Then the devil does fine work.
00:16:41How are the nominations?
00:16:43Oh yeah. It's in the back.
00:16:58Hi guys. We're the Kidnap Gang and we do kidnap pranks.
00:17:03This is my partner Darren. Hello, hello.
00:17:06Now, obviously we've entered two films into the festivals which doubles our chances of winning something.
00:17:14But look, I've got to warn you. When we're a bat, there's always some f***ing afoot.
00:17:19Idiots. Both my dad and my uncle.
00:17:22Well, Gabriel, the guy who runs the festival, he invited us along. He thought we'd be some good entertainment.
00:17:37It's a woman.
00:17:42Joking, we got her.
00:17:43You didn't.
00:17:44She said she'd do it.
00:17:45Thanks, little madam.
00:17:46Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
00:17:49Sorry, I'm not really a hugger, but you know what I mean.
00:17:51She said she liked working with me. And the movie's nominated in the festival.
00:17:55You'll cover travel and bar bill.
00:17:57Yeah, bar bill?
00:17:58Yeah, but don't worry about that now. You have a speaker.
00:18:02Hey, is this an exclusive party or can anybody join in?
00:18:05Doug, you're here!
00:18:07Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:08That's good, that's good these dudes.
00:18:10No, seriously. Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:12Your dad has press at the awards.
00:18:16How are you?
00:18:17Jade.
00:18:18And what movie are you with?
00:18:19Sex.
00:18:20Hmm.
00:18:21Well, your film sounds interesting and equally your name.
00:18:26Both subjects I'd love to learn more about.
00:18:30Tug Speedman.
00:18:32Actor, writer, film maker.
00:18:35Triple Tread.
00:18:35Pow!
00:18:36Tug, have you checked in yet?
00:18:38It's actually just this way.
00:18:39I'll just show you where it is.
00:18:40I want that review.
00:18:49Listen, man.
00:18:51I didn't want to say anything in there.
00:18:53I didn't want to embarrass you.
00:18:55There was no one there to meet us at the airport.
00:18:57Oh, I didn't know we were...
00:19:00You know what? Technical issues.
00:19:03Get it together, man.
00:19:05You do realise what a big deal this is.
00:19:07To have me and my movie playing exclusively at your festival.
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:14I thought I played in Ireland.
00:19:17That wasn't a film festival.
00:19:19That was a tent with a projector.
00:19:21Right.
00:19:22No, this...
00:19:24This is the one we've been waiting for.
00:19:27Academy qualifying.
00:19:29You do realise this is going to be huge for my movie
00:19:32and for your festivals.
00:19:36Yeah, so get it together.
00:19:44We're in V175.
00:19:47Esme Presley.
00:19:49That's my name.
00:19:50Don't wear it out.
00:19:55Don't mess this up.
00:19:57Right.
00:20:01Please let me help you with your bag.
00:20:03I'd be much obliged.
00:20:05He likes people to think I'm his assistant.
00:20:07Yeah, he's certainly a character with a small c.
00:20:11No, he's definitely something with a small c.
00:20:22We're going to need to separate these.
00:20:25Oh, like a twin room?
00:20:28Don't get me started.
00:20:30Tud likes his space to sleep.
00:20:32Proper diva.
00:20:36You can put that down.
00:20:38Oh, God.
00:20:39Yeah, sorry.
00:20:41Is there a turndown service or do I tip?
00:20:44Hell no, no.
00:20:45I'm...
00:20:46I'm just helping.
00:20:48Just a thanks then.
00:20:51Instant coffee.
00:20:52I...
00:20:53I liked your movie.
00:20:55Well, no.
00:20:55I liked your role in it.
00:21:00It's okay.
00:21:01You can say it's crap.
00:21:02It is.
00:21:02No, no, it's not crap.
00:21:03It's just, uh...
00:21:04It's unusual.
00:21:05It's time-travelling gangsters, so...
00:21:09But it's up for best picture and it's probably going to get the Oscar qualifying spot, so what do I
00:21:12know?
00:21:14Alan.
00:21:15That's your name, right?
00:21:16The festival director's son.
00:21:19Tug Speedman's a hack.
00:21:20And worse, a hack with a father with money.
00:21:23The writer's inspiration for Gods of Shoreditch was a story with strong female characters who brought about the end of
00:21:29the world of men.
00:21:30Instead, Tug turned a brilliant script into a wannabe gangster action movie.
00:21:36With so much nudity, it could have been set in ancient Rome.
00:21:39Oh, I mean, I thought that it was...
00:21:42Sorry, darling.
00:21:42Body doubles for those scenes.
00:21:44Oh, no, no, I wasn't being weird.
00:21:46I was just...
00:21:46Alan, it's fine.
00:21:47I limit who sees me naked, including Tug.
00:21:51Oh, you thought...
00:21:54Alan, no.
00:21:55Hasn't been like that for a very long time.
00:21:57Tug, I imagine, is currently down in the bar, flirting with any Tug.
00:22:01Unlucky enough to be with an earshot.
00:22:10I know his father paid for the movie to win, and I'm fine with it.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:16Alan?
00:22:18Yes?
00:22:20Do you want a coffee?
00:22:25That, that's, that's my dad.
00:22:27Um, I should...
00:22:28I didn't see him, Lance.
00:22:29Is everything okay?
00:22:31Uh...
00:22:31Complicated, uh, but...
00:22:34Yeah.
00:23:00Hello, Alan.
00:23:03You all right?
00:23:05Um...
00:23:05Yeah, all good.
00:23:06Um...
00:23:06The Abdued Kit is here.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:14Yes, we made a movie called Sex.
00:23:27At first, there was nothing.
00:23:30Then, there was woman.
00:23:44So, the role of the woman is the sole provider.
00:23:47The one given the pain is the only one that can take it away.
00:23:51My role is to assist of clients, but I'm also an actress.
00:23:55Oh, not again with that stupid werewolf movie with Rachel.
00:24:00Rachel was amazing to work with.
00:24:03And you too.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:05But...
00:24:06Both equally.
00:24:07Yeah, of course.
00:24:08Do you know what?
00:24:09Whatever, I don't care.
00:24:10Anyway.
00:24:11Can somebody take this off, please?
00:24:24You have 12 finalists in your festival this year?
00:24:28Uh, yes, they are the final 12.
00:24:31The opening ceremony is tonight, and there will be a party.
00:24:36Hmm.
00:24:37Not quite a party person.
00:24:39Hmm.
00:24:41Each film has been individually assessed and announced within the required time period?
00:24:46Yes.
00:24:47Uh, no formal queries from the other candidates.
00:24:50Uh, and my father has done all of the, uh, assessments.
00:24:54Your father?
00:24:56Yes.
00:24:57Spoke to him many times.
00:24:59On the phone.
00:25:00Never met.
00:25:02Where is he?
00:25:05Currently sorting out, um, something or other.
00:25:08You know what these crazy filmmakers are like.
00:25:13No!
00:25:15Oh.
00:25:19Ah!
00:25:21I'm absolutely mortified.
00:25:23I didn't mind, really.
00:25:25It was kind of fun.
00:25:26A bunch of kids then, too, honestly.
00:25:36Very amusing.
00:25:38My preference is to sit near the back and on the aisle for each showing.
00:25:45Yes, we can accommodate that.
00:25:48Your father is the signatory for the festival.
00:25:51Have him speak to me at his earliest convenience.
00:25:54Of course.
00:25:55Uh, no...no problem.
00:25:57Would you excuse me?
00:25:58I...I need to go...to go and sort out a...a thing.
00:26:50As if. He's like some old guy.
00:26:54You play your cards right? I might just let you audition for me sometime.
00:26:59So, obviously networking is the best part of these events. Before Tug realises I'm a tease,
00:27:06his next movie will already be out starring me.
00:27:13Thought you might be hungry. Thank you. But the breakfast is meant to be for the film contestants.
00:27:20But yeah, they're not gonna miss it are they?
00:27:23They're adjudicated by your story?
00:27:24Mm-hmm.
00:27:26Jade.
00:27:27Ah.
00:27:27How is your father doing?
00:27:28Still in the hospital and I think, I think Tug Speedman might just kill me when he finds out.
00:27:35So have you. I always wanted to be an actress then.
00:27:38Come on, move along Romeo. There's a cue here.
00:27:42I'll talk to you later.
00:27:47You seem to be doing okay so far. Just a few more days.
00:27:50Tug will be happy once he gets his coveted Academy place.
00:27:54Do you like working with him?
00:27:55You don't work with Tug. You experience the carnage he leaves in his wake.
00:28:00He'll get used to the crazy after a few years.
00:28:02Yeah, I was gonna pitch my film to him.
00:28:04The Good Particle.
00:28:06Yeah, I optioned the third book. But I tell you what.
00:28:09An award-nominated actress would look great on the cast list.
00:28:12This is a shit business, Alan. You can do your best performance,
00:28:15and some hack director fumbles the ball in the edit.
00:28:19Hey, no. Your character Joe Marsh in Gods of Shoreditch was amazing.
00:28:22Tets and ass don't make a movie. At least my body double had a good bum.
00:28:30The God Particle is a black ops super soldier who seeks vengeance after they have been betrayed
00:28:38on a mission gone terribly wrong.
00:28:39Good pitch.
00:28:41Yeah, but without Esme Presley in it, it's just another silly spy adventure.
00:28:48Actually, can you just give me a full second, please?
00:28:53Alan! My man! How are we?
00:28:56Right, are we all set for my screening?
00:28:57Yes, of course, um...
00:28:59Emmett?
00:28:59Emmett, yes.
00:29:00Yes, no, it's only because I heard there was some technical issues.
00:29:03Who told you that?
00:29:04No, never mind. No, everything's fine. We're good to go.
00:29:07Perfect.
00:29:07So yeah, we made a horror movie.
00:29:09Yes, I play a maid.
00:29:12Don't you play a maid in Jade's movie too?
00:29:14Typecasting is a good thing.
00:29:16Do you actually watch the movies? Have you seen mine?
00:29:18It's got Rachel on it.
00:29:19Uh, no, my dad watches the films. It's more his thing.
00:29:21Oh, hi!
00:29:23Hey.
00:29:24Um, the breakfasts are actually just for the film candidates, so, uh...
00:29:28I appreciate it.
00:29:29Yeah.
00:29:30Yeah, no, so that, that, that means, sorry.
00:29:34But what if I was a film contestant?
00:29:39Okay, okay, look. If you want to go, like, just, like, wait in the lobby,
00:29:43and wait till they're all gone, I'll come give you a shout, and...
00:29:46How'd they prompt the application form from the library?
00:29:48That was a nightmare while I had inked.
00:29:50So, like, sorry. I ain't taking the blame for that.
00:29:53Hang on, you've made a movie?
00:29:55Sure. Just like all the cats up in this gef.
00:29:57It's a personal story. A flick about lovin' on the streets.
00:30:01Mic in your face.
00:30:03Huh.
00:30:04Uh, that's, that, that's actually really impressive.
00:30:06I'm not sure how you do that.
00:30:08No.
00:30:08Check it.
00:30:09Shot on a phone. Edited at a library.
00:30:12The equipment was 90s.
00:30:13But it's all good.
00:30:15Uh, well, that, that is all good.
00:30:18But, um, the applications closed, uh, two months ago now, so...
00:30:22Understands completely. But listen here, I ain't interested in what you're selling.
00:30:27For me, this is a golden opportunity of honest food and a bed for the night.
00:30:31Look, please, I, I, I really don't know how else to say this,
00:30:35but all of the final films have been announced.
00:30:39We can't add this.
00:30:41That's how it is.
00:30:43Sorry. What's your name?
00:30:45Mike. Iron Mike.
00:30:47Wow. Intimidating name.
00:30:49It's cause we're embedding down.
00:30:50I have, like, three iron baths tied together.
00:30:53So, Iron Mike.
00:30:54Makes perfect sense.
00:30:57Listen, Alan's gonna take your application,
00:30:59because he's good at problem solving, and he very much wants to impress me.
00:31:04So, Alan, I was thinking...
00:31:05What was that?
00:31:07Simple.
00:31:07You did a very kind thing for a homeless man, and it did impress me.
00:31:11Okay, yeah, that is very nice, but all the films have already been announced, Esme.
00:31:14I don't think he cares.
00:31:17Morning.
00:31:18Oh, shit.
00:31:18I mean, morning.
00:31:21Your father, down for breakfast?
00:31:23Oh, you know, he was, but he's an early riser, so you know how it is.
00:31:27We're just going to meet him now.
00:31:29The signatory is a very important part of the process.
00:31:33Of course.
00:31:41I played Lord Harrington of Mortar.
00:31:47Beast must die.
00:31:52Whatever you think's best.
00:31:58I'm now unarmed.
00:32:02I'll prevent you from doing your duty.
00:32:06Maybe she should kill us both.
00:32:10You've been bitten, mistress.
00:32:15The wolf...
00:32:19...courses through my veins.
00:32:23Run!
00:32:27So, yeah, it's a movie with a werewolf in it.
00:32:31His sister hates that we're together...
00:32:34...in the movie.
00:32:36Look, I spent a lot of time and energy into this ending.
00:32:41And trust me, once people see what we've done here...
00:32:45...this best film winners might.
00:32:47Ours.
00:32:49And everyone that was in the movie.
00:33:01APPLAUSE
00:33:29Agnes I just
00:33:30I'm sorry for frightening you Lady Harrington
00:33:37Callum
00:33:39Go back to the house
00:33:41Elizabeth
00:33:45Now
00:34:10No, no, not now
00:34:12Everyone look into the show
00:34:19God damn it
00:34:21No one saw the ending
00:34:37It was just an utter shit show
00:34:40I was pretty awesome as the maid
00:34:53Are you okay?
00:35:08Did you just leave and come back so you could do that?
00:35:11Take some water
00:35:12Fuck water!
00:35:14I want some fucking cocaine!
00:35:17Oh fuck
00:35:18Just call my fucking sponsor
00:35:23You
00:35:25Is your pathetic father gonna make it or not?
00:35:28Tell me
00:35:28I don't know but I'm obviously hoping
00:35:32It's not his fault
00:35:36Of course you knew
00:35:38Everybody knows except poor old Tug
00:35:41It wasn't like that
00:35:42Look as long as the adjudicator doesn't find out we're fine
00:35:45We're fine
00:35:49We're fine
00:35:50We're fine
00:35:50We're fine
00:35:51We're fine
00:35:51Until he visits your poor little feeble dad on his deathbed
00:35:54That bed
00:35:56Tug his father's still alive take that back
00:35:59I'll tell you one thing boyo
00:36:01He's not gonna be alive when my dad gets his hands on him
00:36:04Or if you make this go catch up
00:36:11You
00:36:12I'm going to the bar
00:36:15Fuck my sponsor
00:36:36Really
00:36:38Thought you had to call your sponsor
00:36:42You didn't drink it
00:36:43Well you thought about it
00:36:46And you promised.
00:36:49Go away, Esme.
00:36:51I'm not cleaning up after you again.
00:36:55Well, do you know what, Mum?
00:36:57Do you know what I'm going to get you for Christmas?
00:36:59A nice big wooden cross.
00:37:02So next time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices,
00:37:07you can climb on up there and nail yourself to it.
00:37:17Marcus.
00:37:26What are you?
00:37:27What are you doing?
00:37:34Yes, the movie did well.
00:37:36We are very proud.
00:37:46The adjudicator, of course, he picks the winner.
00:37:52That is not correct.
00:37:55He's just an official.
00:37:56Gabriel choose the winner.
00:37:58I know, Alan, and I hope we have made a big impression on him and his father, Gabriel.
00:38:04We do a rap movie next.
00:38:25There was a lot of nudity in Gods.
00:38:28Yes, well, nudity was very important in our story of Gods of Shoreditch.
00:38:34But, eh, some were more comfortable than others.
00:38:39I think sometimes nudity is considered controversial in some cultures
00:38:44because it challenges the standards of modesty.
00:38:48Yes, exactly.
00:38:50Nudity, it's a state of mind.
00:38:53I'll happily wander around the house all day with no clothes on.
00:38:56Just let it all hang out.
00:38:58Feel that breeze.
00:39:00It's quite liberating.
00:39:03Would I be shallow if I said size doesn't matter?
00:39:11It's perfectly adequate.
00:39:17Is it true that it's all a farce?
00:39:21I don't really know.
00:39:23Well, you seem very close with Alan.
00:39:26He must have told you something.
00:39:27This is starting to feel like an intervention.
00:39:30Or maybe an interrogation.
00:39:32It's because everyone is hiding something.
00:39:35Esme, we're just curious.
00:39:38This festival is really important to us.
00:39:41Yes, we have vested interest.
00:39:45Look, I don't want to speak out of turn,
00:39:47and I understand that you guys are anxious,
00:39:50but really you have to speak to Alan about this.
00:39:52Oh, we will.
00:39:53Don't you worry about that.
00:39:58The mountain has arrived.
00:40:01You know we all know that you're here.
00:40:03Can you help with this, please?
00:40:05They know, Alan.
00:40:06You might as well just tell them the truth.
00:40:08The truth will set you free.
00:40:10OK, I've spoken to my dad in the hospital.
00:40:12He is getting better.
00:40:14It is a question of whether he can do the sign-off, though.
00:40:17No, he can't.
00:40:19Not while he's in hospital.
00:40:20What's the sign-off?
00:40:21The festival director has to sign off on the adjudicator's paperwork.
00:40:26Can't Alan do that?
00:40:28Are you the festival director, Alan?
00:40:30No, I'm the...
00:40:31Yeah, not the festival director, then.
00:40:34What's that smell?
00:40:37Listen, monkey boy,
00:40:39I swear to God and the Sonny Jesus,
00:40:42if you don't find a solution,
00:40:44I'm going to dropkick your head.
00:40:46And I've done seven days.
00:40:48Intensive stage combat.
00:40:50Listen, you watch yourself.
00:41:03Forget the gold particle this is producing.
00:41:06Oh, yeah, just without the money or the credit.
00:41:09You'll cut out for greater things.
00:41:11Yeah, well, you clearly haven't met my dad.
00:41:13He's going to kill my movie.
00:41:16Still living in his shadow, just like Tug.
00:41:18He'd own own self, be true.
00:41:20Yeah, well, that's really easy for you to say.
00:41:21You're an award-winning actress
00:41:22with a string of movie titles behind you,
00:41:25and I'm just...
00:41:25And you're currently a festival director.
00:41:29Ah, yeah, I see.
00:41:30Trying to sway influence with the festival director
00:41:32to try and win an award.
00:41:33It's not going to work.
00:41:35Oh, my. What's a girl got to do?
00:41:39Mate, borrow your shaver?
00:41:42Yeah, sure, whatever you need.
00:41:44Keep that towel on, and I'll cut your hair.
00:41:47How to our cleaning service?
00:41:49For sure.
00:41:51Mike, can we grab a look at your movie?
00:41:54Sure.
00:41:55It's your funeral.
00:42:04Well, this is it.
00:42:06This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight.
00:42:10Because I did have three iron bathtubs.
00:42:14They were all tied together.
00:42:15And it was really, really, really good.
00:42:17Always get a wee check on the buns
00:42:19because you just don't know what's in these buns.
00:42:22Mike, this is good.
00:42:26And phone boxes.
00:42:29Always keep your eye out for them.
00:42:30A lot of people miss them.
00:42:31It's really good.
00:42:50Oh, my God.
00:43:12You, uh, you calm down, yeah?
00:43:17Any sit?
00:43:18Help yourself, you usually do.
00:43:21I wake up this morning and you're gone.
00:43:23Didn't think you'd notice they're intensely snoring.
00:43:28I'm at a loss here, Esme.
00:43:30What's going on?
00:43:32Do you remember the little talk me and you had?
00:43:35I support you, you support me.
00:43:39That's all I ever do, is support you.
00:43:42Yeah, well, you've been missing an action all weekend.
00:43:46I've been here all this time.
00:43:48The question is, where have you been?
00:43:51Clever.
00:43:53How's that working out for you?
00:43:57That's the thing about relationships.
00:43:59They give you reason to live.
00:44:02Revenge.
00:44:04Hey, hey, do you remember this?
00:44:06I've heard there was a secret chord.
00:44:10No.
00:44:10That David played, it pleased the Lord.
00:44:14But you don't really care for movies, do you?
00:44:19It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth.
00:44:23Sit down.
00:44:24The major falls, the minor lifts.
00:44:28The baffling, composing, hallelujah.
00:44:34No?
00:44:36Those old cheap moves aren't going to work on me anymore.
00:44:39I've got plenty of new cheap moves for you.
00:44:41How are you going to face all these people when they find out you paid for the award?
00:44:45The question is, babe, do you feel paid for?
00:45:00Esme!
00:45:17Esme!
00:45:27I think he's better from an older person.
00:45:31But this is your fault, Jess.
00:45:33You were in a f***ing movie.
00:45:35She was very giving as an actress.
00:45:38Okay, can one of you please just tell me what's going on?
00:45:43Rachel can't do it.
00:45:44Oh!
00:45:44We forgot Jade posted on Rachel's socials that she was so b***y that she's probably playing the werewolf.
00:45:51Why?
00:45:52Because it was my role.
00:45:54Oh!
00:46:00Wow.
00:46:02What a transformation.
00:46:04Hey, got myself some new threads.
00:46:09It's going to be a long night.
00:46:24I mean, this is getting ridiculous.
00:46:29Sorry.
00:46:30Caroline!
00:46:31Hi!
00:46:32Um...
00:46:33Hey, Alan.
00:46:35Could I be the most beautiful girl in the world?
00:46:38Uh, Caroline, wow.
00:46:40Um, what are you doing here?
00:46:42I mean, I'm glad that you are, but...
00:46:45Why?
00:46:47Seems most men take advantage.
00:46:50Except you, of course.
00:46:52Giggles was a mistake.
00:46:56I'll still do your announcements.
00:46:57If you want me.
00:46:59Really?
00:47:00Oh, Caroline, absolutely.
00:47:01That'd be amazing.
00:47:02Yes, yes, thank you.
00:47:03Thank you so much.
00:47:05Wow, slaying it, Mike.
00:47:07Nobody even seen a man on a suit?
00:47:10Uh, she's just getting a bit excited.
00:47:12Our film's showing today.
00:47:14Malicious intent.
00:47:15Gangster comedy.
00:47:16Has malicious intent even got a chance?
00:47:19Well, it's a lower budget than Tug's film,
00:47:21but hopefully we spent the money where it really mattered.
00:47:25We got the secret ingredient.
00:47:27Me?
00:47:28I'm the secret ingredient.
00:47:30Well, look, when Millie was ten,
00:47:32we'd done a short film together called Daddy's Girl.
00:47:37Those clips are a springboard for malicious intent.
00:47:41It's like the story picks up from that point.
00:47:45She was much cuter then.
00:47:47Not such a pain in the arse.
00:47:52Well, the best advice I can give is that
00:47:55you never know who's going to grow up to be famous,
00:47:57so just make yourself available.
00:47:59Oh, don't be a tart.
00:48:01Well, I wish it was Beyonce.
00:48:06I've been looking for you.
00:48:08I found me.
00:48:09Well, I thought maybe you wanted some space.
00:48:11Good choice.
00:48:13Or you could just kill all the girls prettier than me.
00:48:15Or maybe just Tug, so...
00:48:20Where are all the good guys, Dad?
00:48:22In the heart or in the head?
00:48:24You think I'm a good guy?
00:48:27Well, when your instinct tells you to do something,
00:48:29you don't do it, so maybe when it tells you not to,
00:48:33that's when you should.
00:48:35Oh.
00:48:37Read the room, Alan.
00:48:39This is the consensual kissing part.
00:48:43Uh...
00:48:44Caroline's back.
00:48:47Um...
00:48:50Your ex that got with your best friend, Caroline.
00:48:53Yeah.
00:48:53Um, she wants to present the awards.
00:48:56Mm-hmm.
00:48:57That's good, I guess.
00:48:58Great for you.
00:48:59Well, the whole thing with giggles was a mistake.
00:49:01I mean, I always thought so,
00:49:02but I guess she's realised it too, so, um...
00:49:05Yeah, no, great.
00:49:06Um, so pleased for you.
00:49:09Uh...
00:49:09Are you OK?
00:49:10Yeah, just peachy.
00:49:12Learning lessons all the time.
00:49:14Right, um, um...
00:49:16Sorry, just one second, thank you.
00:49:30Ladies and gentlemen,
00:49:31I would be happy to present our next film,
00:49:34Malicious Intent.
00:49:36No, no, no, no.
00:49:38Wait, wait, wait!
00:49:44Um...
00:49:47My apologies.
00:49:48There will now be a short interval
00:49:50as I need a word with the festival director.
00:49:55Young man.
00:49:58This is totally irregular.
00:50:01My paperwork should have been signed
00:50:03and she mailed off this morning.
00:50:07Look, I understand.
00:50:08He's...
00:50:09He's just busy.
00:50:10Eh, you fobbed me off with that before.
00:50:12Where is your father?
00:50:14He is festival director.
00:50:15Fully understand.
00:50:16Uh, end of the next movie, he'll be here.
00:50:18Yeah, listen, young man.
00:50:20This might seem like a game to you,
00:50:22but it's also my job.
00:50:24And I don't like explaining to my line managers
00:50:26that I can't manage a simple task
00:50:28such as getting a...
00:50:31..signature!
00:50:33Stand on me.
00:50:34I will sort it.
00:50:37It's our big day.
00:50:40Uh, yeah.
00:50:42It is.
00:51:02I curse them to hell
00:51:05As hubbo fought the swell
00:51:08Our ship danced like a moth
00:51:10In the firelight
00:51:12Wild horses rode high
00:51:15As the devil passed by
00:51:17Taking souls into Hades by twilight
00:51:23Five weeks out to sea
00:51:25We were now 43
00:51:27We buried our comrades each morning
00:51:31In our own slime
00:51:33We were lost in the time
00:51:36Endless night we were dawning
00:51:43Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry
00:51:51Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry
00:51:55So essentially it's like a black ops agent
00:51:57Oh, oh, Caroline, you have to meet our resident movie star
00:52:00Esme Presley
00:52:02Today everyone's a star
00:52:03They're all billed as starring
00:52:05Or also starring without earning that recognition
00:52:08Caroline, you're back
00:52:10Caroline, you're back
00:52:10From outer space
00:52:11I notice you cry a lot in your films
00:52:14Your tear ducts must be very close to your bladder
00:52:17Has Alan talked you into the presenting?
00:52:20All these best actress nominees
00:52:22And I'm just thinking
00:52:23Shut up and get a salad
00:52:25Uh, so, um
00:52:26Caroline thinks that we should just come clean with the adjudicator
00:52:30Not the best idea
00:52:31Is that your own thought?
00:52:33Or do you need a screenwriter?
00:52:36Caroline
00:52:38We should be friends
00:52:41Yes, I agree
00:52:42Best friends
00:52:46I think that ending needs work
00:52:47How about less silly questions
00:52:49And a bit more shut the hell up
00:52:51How did you make her look younger in the film?
00:52:54Was that computer stuff?
00:52:56This is a man
00:52:56Who thinks the plural of goose is sheep
00:53:00I ain't saying anything
00:53:01So then, your, uh
00:53:03Your style's clearly more
00:53:05Gangster than it is
00:53:06Horror?
00:53:07Hey, that cat who played Dudley in your movie
00:53:10He was awesome
00:53:14Joy?
00:53:16All right, ladies and gentlemen
00:53:18Our next film is
00:53:22Sex
00:53:24Have fun
00:53:37Enjoy this filmo
00:53:38And bölge
00:53:39And filtrot
00:53:41is going to be a bit of a speech
00:53:41And we'll see you in this film
00:53:42And you can see you in the film
00:53:42And there's a bit of a country
00:53:43To watch me
00:53:43And there's so many Button
00:53:43And there's so many people
00:53:49And that's why I only went to try it
00:53:50And again, come to see you in the film
00:54:02There's no escape from what I must do
00:54:06Turn around and bend over
00:54:09I can't wait forever
00:54:13I think it's time to leave
00:54:17I'm young, I'm all dressed up
00:54:19I'm on my way to marry the asexual awakening
00:54:22And there's 290 years separating it from the films of Kevin Smith
00:54:26But that doesn't mean it's true
00:54:32If time don't wait for no one
00:54:37How can I wait for you
00:54:42Tough love
00:54:43Tough love
00:54:47It's complete love
00:54:49It's complete love
00:55:02Didn't fancy sex then?
00:55:04It was beauty that killed the beast
00:55:07Malicious intent should be good competition for Tug
00:55:10It might blindside him
00:55:13We can hope so
00:55:14But look, I'm probably the most non-competitive person here
00:55:17So I win
00:55:20Secrets and lies
00:55:23Come with me
00:55:28This is bang out of order
00:55:29Have you any idea how much shit I went through to get the day off today?
00:55:33This ain't my day job, you know
00:55:34It's not Alan's fault
00:55:36Well, this does land squarely on Alan's door
00:55:40I was thinking, since no one saw the ending of my film
00:55:44Can we screen it again, maybe?
00:55:48Look at you, all of you
00:55:50No problem is too big
00:55:52We can't fix it if we work together
00:55:54Esme, you're beautiful on the inside
00:55:57But it's important you understand your limitations
00:56:00Alan, what I'm saying is
00:56:03If anyone actually saw the ending of the film
00:56:05Then people would know that my character disguises himself as older
00:56:08I will play your dad
00:56:10And I will sign off this whole festival
00:56:16What?
00:56:17Got range
00:56:21Him
00:56:23I can't play Gabriel
00:56:25That accent's incredibly tricky
00:56:27If you don't do it
00:56:28Then all of this is over for everyone
00:56:32Hello, son
00:56:33How are you?
00:56:35Oh, God, this has disaster written all over it
00:56:39Something is missing
00:56:40Could be range
00:56:43The meanness
00:56:44Yeah, Gabriel is an arsehole
00:56:47Oi, I'm not happy
00:56:49And I don't like it
00:56:50Oh, my God
00:56:53Esme
00:56:54Is my foot scrub in there?
00:56:58Yes, it's going to be brilliant
00:57:02And bring me a razor as well, will you?
00:57:22You've been blowing hot and cold at me all day
00:57:25Everything's fine in my world
00:57:28You might want to tell your face that
00:57:31This is a big day for us
00:57:33You bought the award, Tug
00:57:35Hardly meritable
00:57:37I read a book about this once
00:57:38You sure it was a book?
00:57:40You sure it wasn't nothing?
00:57:42This is show business
00:57:43Not care business
00:57:46You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend
00:57:49And do you not want to meet a producer?
00:57:52And just for that
00:57:54When the movie comes out
00:57:55I'm going to get Matt Damon to play you
00:57:57Oh
00:57:58Well, maybe I'll get Jade to play you then
00:58:01Jade?
00:58:02Yeah
00:58:03Your new producing partner
00:58:06A little
00:58:07girl-on-girl action
00:58:10I'm joking
00:58:12I'm joking
00:58:12Unless you'd be up for it
00:58:22Jesus, I was only joking
00:58:23It's not a joke
00:58:25I'm feeling lost
00:58:27Hey
00:58:27I've heard there was a secret chord
00:58:30Stop
00:58:31That Michael played it
00:58:32Please the Lord
00:58:33Stop
00:58:36If I explained it
00:58:37I think I'd only confuse you
00:58:41Do you know what?
00:58:43I think it's times like this
00:58:44If I was a multi-award winning
00:58:47Talented filmmaker
00:58:48And you were just an ordinary girl
00:58:49Then we wouldn't have these problems
00:58:53On Gods of Shortage
00:58:54I was supposed to be an associate producer
00:58:57But in reality
00:58:58I was more of a dog's body
00:59:00Seriously, this again
00:59:02I told you
00:59:03It's whatever it takes
00:59:05To get this shot
00:59:08Look
00:59:10You can produce the next one in full
00:59:12Yeah, my dad's already on board
00:59:15Take that back
00:59:16And I'll kill you
00:59:19You're the producer
00:59:22Game face on
00:59:24Hooray for Hollywood
00:59:37When you hold the bloody lift
00:59:39Oh, didn't I
00:59:43Come on
00:59:44Come on
00:59:49Oh, God
01:00:08Are you not going to change for the paparazzi shorts?
01:00:12It's not really my thing
01:00:13Besides, Gabriel would wear something like this, right?
01:00:16No, I've got a bad feeling about this
01:00:18Listen, son
01:00:18I've got this old routine work there
01:00:20No routine, okay
01:00:22This isn't an audition
01:00:23Just say hello
01:00:24And then sign the pissing document
01:00:25Where's your wife?
01:00:27I think we should just come clean
01:00:30Hello
01:00:31You must be the adjudicator
01:00:33My son Alan's been telling me all about you
01:00:38Sorry you've been a bit busy
01:00:39This film festival malarkey
01:00:41Kept me on me toes
01:00:42Yes, seems to have ramped up a notch
01:00:46With the screening of Gods of Shoreditch
01:00:48One of my personal favourites
01:00:50Um, now that you're here
01:00:54Uh, my paperwork needs a signature
01:00:58Absolutely
01:00:59Happy to
01:01:01Thank you, you
01:01:06Oh, sorry
01:01:07Forgot who I was there for a second
01:01:12Is that who I what?
01:01:13Yeah
01:01:14I'll need a final signing off
01:01:17When the winners are announced
01:01:21Your accent seems off
01:01:24Uh, it's, it's posh voice
01:01:30Uh, a posh telephone voice
01:01:32Yeah, I should use it all the time, really
01:01:35Right
01:01:36Your honour, may I show you to the next screening?
01:01:43Oh
01:01:45You know, my movies are inherently amazing
01:01:50It's all about the big screen
01:01:53And it's not easy being an action star
01:02:01Thank you
01:02:02Shouldn't you be up there
01:02:04Now that you're here?
01:02:06Yes
01:02:07Uh, absolutely
01:02:09He is such a star
01:02:11When it comes to these things
01:02:17Uh, ladies and gentlemen
01:02:18I'd like to
01:02:20Introduce to you
01:02:22Gods of Shoreditch
01:02:25And it stars
01:02:26Big round of applause
01:02:27For its stars
01:02:28Esme Presley
01:02:30And
01:02:31Tugs
01:02:31Speedman
01:02:45Good entrance
01:02:48You want to see the one
01:02:49I'm going to make
01:02:50When I, uh, win my award
01:02:54What?
01:02:55No!
01:02:55Get out!
01:02:57Come on
01:02:58Crazy filmmakers
01:02:59Trying to draw attention
01:03:01To their film
01:03:03I thought they were quite fun
01:03:08You know, they do say
01:03:09I'm the new Robert Rodriguez
01:03:10Except I star in my own movies as well
01:03:13Maybe Robert was smarter
01:03:21You fought well
01:03:22Despite the twist of ankle
01:03:25You will live to fight another day
01:03:27And I assure you
01:03:29It is not serious
01:03:30I took the liberty
01:03:31Of feeling the bone
01:03:33And it is perfectly sound
01:03:36Oh, sir
01:03:37How will I ever thank you?
01:03:39Please
01:03:40Do not think of it
01:03:41It is my honor
01:03:43To serve you
01:03:44Will you not be seated?
01:03:47Pray
01:03:47Excuse me
01:03:49I do not wish
01:03:50To leave a watermark
01:03:53Permit me to call
01:03:55Tomorrow afternoon
01:03:57So that I may inquire
01:03:58After you
01:04:04Fight hard
01:04:06Fight for me
01:04:14Alan's pitching me
01:04:15Some shitty book movie
01:04:18The God Particle
01:04:19Is the third book
01:04:20In a series
01:04:22That guy
01:04:23The Irish Connection
01:04:25Masaka and
01:04:26F***ing Chips
01:04:27Shit
01:04:29That director
01:04:30Is the worst
01:04:31He couldn't even direct traffic
01:04:33You know
01:04:34They should have come to
01:04:35Me
01:04:36Tug Speedman
01:04:39You know I'm right, babe
01:04:54Fun and happiness
01:04:56In short supply
01:04:57Out of the frying pan
01:04:58And into the fire
01:04:59It's always difficult
01:05:01When one person moves on
01:05:02Hmm
01:05:04Spoke to dad this morning
01:05:06Er, he's recovering
01:05:07But no mention of my movie
01:05:09So
01:05:10Nice guys don't finish last
01:05:12Yeah
01:05:15You're planning something
01:05:16That's going to get me in trouble
01:05:17Aren't you?
01:05:18Oh, most definitely
01:05:42You best move out of the way
01:05:43And let me be
01:05:44This is not how it works
01:05:47Nice time, stunt boy
01:05:48Oh, my God
01:05:53Oh, my God
01:05:58Oh, my God
01:06:05Oh, my God
01:06:06Oh, my God
01:06:07Oh, my God
01:06:08Oh, my God
01:06:08Oh, my God
01:06:08Oh, my God
01:06:08Oh, my God
01:06:08Oh, my God
01:06:08Oh, my God
01:06:09Oh, my God
01:06:09Oh, my God
01:06:10Oh, my God
01:06:10Oh, my God
01:06:18Alan?
01:06:22Thank you everyone for your kind words and praise.
01:06:26The buffet has been provided for yours truly.
01:06:29Fill your guts.
01:06:33You really don't have to do this.
01:06:35You know, they have a meal before the awards.
01:06:37These ain't for me.
01:06:48Ow!
01:06:54That went well.
01:06:55Thanks for that.
01:06:56What happened to the group?
01:06:58This is the best fun I've had all year.
01:07:06What's this?
01:07:08Naughty movies?
01:07:09Or my ransom demands?
01:07:14We have a late entry to the film festival.
01:07:18And I wanted you to experience it in my full company.
01:07:27Late entries are highly irregular.
01:07:36But this could be a lot of fun.
01:07:40Well, this is it.
01:07:42This is where I or Mike is staying the night.
01:07:46Because I did have three iron bathtubs.
01:07:49They were all tied together.
01:07:51And it was really, really, really good life.
01:07:55I don't know what you want me to say.
01:07:58Mike's was the best film.
01:07:59I have no patience with best.
01:08:01I have no patience with fairness.
01:08:04Life is not fair.
01:08:05Love is not fair.
01:08:07And as long as we still breathe the air of a free capitalist society, business will never be fair.
01:08:17Sacrifice, Alan.
01:08:20Like the kamikaze pilots used to do.
01:08:23Yeah, that's a discomforting stay, isn't it?
01:08:26Hemorrhoids cause discomfort.
01:08:28This is open heart surgery.
01:08:36The phone, Alan.
01:08:38You said I could produce.
01:08:40I will knock you the f*** out right here, right now.
01:08:45We did the right thing.
01:08:48Are you okay?
01:08:51Movie stars do not have opinions.
01:08:56Sorry, I know you're his dad.
01:08:58But Alan worked damn hard throughout this festival.
01:09:01And I suppose the bros code is over now, you f***ing tugs wife.
01:09:05I think I'm done here.
01:09:09We're bloody ruins.
01:09:22Oh, Alan.
01:09:24You know what I'm going to say.
01:09:25Yes, I know.
01:09:25You're ending.
01:09:26But I'm not being funny.
01:09:27The only thing I care about ending is this festival.
01:09:29Eyes Front.
01:09:31God, does making movies have to be all this difficult?
01:09:34I'm looking forward to this.
01:09:35Who's doing your presentation?
01:09:37Hope is a surprise.
01:09:38Oh, me too.
01:09:39If she shows up.
01:09:41Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:09:43I do love surprises.
01:09:57Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for our wonderful guest speaker, Caroline Doherty.
01:10:03APPLAUSE
01:10:08So very glad to be here this evening amongst all the wonderful filmmakers and stars.
01:10:16To be a filmmaker, you have to be psychotic in your desire to do something.
01:10:21For the first category, Best Actress in a Feature Film, Millie Ward from Malicious Affair.
01:10:31APPLAUSE
01:10:33Esme Presley in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:10:37APPLAUSE
01:10:39And Fran Walsh in Hey Mister DJ.
01:10:43APPLAUSE
01:10:45And the winner is...
01:10:47This is just a start.
01:10:48Esme Presley.
01:10:50APPLAUSE
01:10:55So very well done.
01:10:56I would like to show my immense gratitude to all of the team involved in Gods.
01:11:05APPLAUSE
01:11:09And for our first Best Picture nominee, we have Hey Mister DJ.
01:11:15You didn't think to thank me, the man who made it all happen.
01:11:18A film about a time in the 90s where DJs were gods and gangsters ruled the streets.
01:11:25Your ego will be strict enough tonight.
01:11:27Let's have a look.
01:11:34What'd you throw up there?
01:11:36Just, er, just some bags I was storing stuff in.
01:11:40Right, get yourself freshened up. Got a great place for us to go to.
01:11:44Oh, Oscar, I'm not feeling up to it.
01:11:45Hey!
01:11:46You're single now, remember? Half an hour off.
01:11:50And the next category is...
01:11:54Best Newcomer nominees.
01:11:55Lin Cheng for Opera in The Evening Garden.
01:11:59APPLAUSE
01:11:59Millie Ward for Malicious Intent.
01:12:02APPLAUSE
01:12:02And Jess Bronski in Mysteries.
01:12:07And the winner is...
01:12:09Millie Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:12:12APPLAUSE
01:12:17Oh, my God, I don't even know what to say.
01:12:19Erm, thank you so much to the festival.
01:12:22Thank you so much to everyone that I've met.
01:12:25And if you would like to come for drinks afterwards,
01:12:29then, er, meet me at Senna.
01:12:31She knows how proud I am of her, doesn't ya?
01:12:34Hey, I was nervous and I got one!
01:12:37I mean, it looks like roughly the right shape.
01:12:40I mean, it's gonna save me a tonne of berries.
01:12:43And our next Best Film nominee is for Malicious Intent.
01:12:49MUSIC PLAYS
01:13:04And the next category is Best Editing nominees.
01:13:08We have Emmett Bronski in Mysterious.
01:13:13APPLAUSE
01:13:13Target Speedman for Gods of Shoreditch.
01:13:17George Cheng for Opera in The Evening Garden.
01:13:21And the winner is...
01:13:23Well, this is a vindication considering no-one saw the ending.
01:13:28And our third Best Film nominee is Gods of Shoreditch,
01:13:32a story about time-travelling gangsters.
01:13:36By night one way, by day another.
01:13:39This shall be the norm.
01:13:40Until you take true love's first kiss.
01:13:43And love takes its true form.
01:13:53And a rather exciting category, Best Actor nominees.
01:13:58We have George Cheng in Opera in The Evening Garden.
01:14:03APPLAUSE
01:14:03And Shraff Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:14:08APPLAUSE
01:14:09Tug Speedman in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:14:13The winner is...
01:14:17Tug Speedman.
01:14:19APPLAUSE
01:14:20Gutted, mate.
01:14:22Proper gutted.
01:14:24Honestly, four hours in movies chat.
01:14:28Me too.
01:14:29I was the best actor.
01:14:31And our fourth Best Film nominee...
01:14:34I didn't know nothing about no.
01:14:35Fourth nomination.
01:14:37..is a work of modern-day art versus immense need.
01:14:41Now, let's have a look at
01:14:42Homelessness and The Man by Mike Creed.
01:14:46So there's certain things that you would do,
01:14:48well, certain things you'd look for.
01:14:49Like shopping centre.
01:14:51Pounds on the trolleys.
01:14:52That's a point, like...
01:14:54Pounds, like...
01:14:57..200 point.
01:14:58And we're down to the final award of the evening.
01:15:01Best overall film of the festival.
01:15:05And the winner is...
01:15:07..hardly a win if you paid for it.
01:15:11Mike Creed.
01:15:12APPLAUSE
01:15:24Well, it looks like you might have just won best film title.
01:15:29You're talking!
01:15:30Thanks and everything.
01:15:32The beds are really comfortable!
01:15:38This isn't right!
01:15:40This f***ing film wasn't even in the program!
01:15:43What the hell even is this f***ing shit film?
01:15:45My daddy paid for all of this!
01:15:48What are you talking about?
01:15:50This was all paid for!
01:15:52No, not him!
01:15:53That's just a shit actor!
01:15:55This is outrageous!
01:15:57I knew something was wrong!
01:15:59Oh!
01:16:01OK!
01:16:02I thought he was pretty convincing.
01:16:05You've falsified records!
01:16:07There may well be charges!
01:16:09What charges?
01:16:10No, no, no, please!
01:16:11Alright, look, I'm sorry!
01:16:12This whole thing was my fault!
01:16:14Don't punish or charge anyone else!
01:16:16My dad, Gabriel, guy from the phone,
01:16:19had a massive heart attack
01:16:21and he had so much money invested in this festival!
01:16:24And is Tug Speedman telling the truth?
01:16:27Technically, yes!
01:16:28Most of it was his money!
01:16:30His father's money?
01:16:31Yes, but we went with our hearts
01:16:33and that's why Mike won best film!
01:16:36I don't judge the films.
01:16:38Merely here to make sure that the festival is run properly.
01:16:41From what you're telling me,
01:16:43this has been an absolute farce!
01:16:53Mr. Audjudicator,
01:16:54excuse me for interrupting.
01:16:56I have known Esme a long time.
01:16:59And, well, if my word has any bearing,
01:17:03Esme,
01:17:05she always speaks from her heart.
01:17:08Ms. Warren.
01:17:11Ms. Warren.
01:17:17I am a huge fan of your movies.
01:17:22And your words do carry significant weight.
01:17:27But this is an official matter.
01:17:30Hmm.
01:17:31I fully understand that.
01:17:34But,
01:17:35if Esme says that
01:17:37Homeless Man is the best film,
01:17:42I would not disagree.
01:17:44Thank you, Rachel.
01:17:47You're welcome.
01:18:13Producers,
01:18:14erm,
01:18:15is this jacket okay?
01:18:16It feels a bit big.
01:18:21Sometimes he's got to take the chances.
01:18:23Do you regret taking a chance on me?
01:18:26Who am I to argue with the producer?
01:18:32Do you miss Tuck?
01:18:35Wherever he is and whatever he's doing,
01:18:37let's just hope he's not missing us.
01:18:51Total submission.
01:18:54Is this gonna hurt?
01:18:56True love is pain.
01:18:57No.
01:18:59No.
01:20:02I'm not playing a street walker.
01:20:05It's a tart with a heart.
01:20:07What?
01:20:07A second rate street walker wearing an outfit like this?
01:20:09I'm first class.
01:20:10One best new come up.
01:20:11Just do it.
01:20:12Harry's written please, babe.
01:20:16Idiot.
01:20:19So you know the saying, never work with children or animals.
01:20:24Not me really.
01:20:25Bye.
01:20:27Bye.
01:20:27Bye.
01:20:35Bye.
01:20:43Bye.
01:20:43Bye.
01:20:47Bye.
01:21:01Bye.
01:21:05Bye.
01:21:06Bye.
01:21:07Bye.
01:21:07Bye.
01:21:11Bye.
01:21:13Bye.
01:21:14Bye.
01:21:17Bye.
01:21:33Bye.
01:21:49Bye.
01:21:50Bye.
01:21:50Bye.
01:21:55Bye.
01:21:57Bye.
01:22:00Bye.
01:22:04Bye.
01:22:15Bye.
01:22:16Bye.
01:22:17Bye.
01:22:21Bye.
01:22:23Bye.
01:22:29Bye.
01:22:32Bye.
01:22:33Bye.
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