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00:00It's over but we're all still here ready to take a look back at some of my favorite bits so
00:04sit back enjoy and let's start the show
00:32Oh
00:34So nice to see you all and there's a lot to congratulate Taylor Swift about
00:39But the one that I feel I ought to graduate is the new bit of finger jewelry the hardware upgrade.
00:44Yes
00:44Check it out
00:58It's like watch it like it's a TV. Yeah, I don't credit was going to get out one of those
01:03things
01:07Here's a very quick reminder of the engagement announcement that broke the internet
01:11What is it 35 million likes or something that photograph got and is that the actual?
01:17Proposal it is actually so he really
01:21crushed it when it came to surprising me because
01:24We had actually filmed a podcast episode. He has a podcast called new heights. Yeah, and we oh yeah
01:33We've got yes fantastic so we we filmed the podcast for about three or four hours or whatever and
01:40And meanwhile behind his house. He was having the whole back garden turned into this wow
01:47And one of the things that he put in there very strategically
01:51Was a wall of hedges that weren't there before and inside the hedges was my tour photographer
01:58Hiding in bushes that had not previously been there. It was you went all out 10 out of 10. Oh
02:03people are now going home
02:05Jesus I was going to propose this weekend. What's the point?
02:09That is amazing. Yeah, it's really fun that we actually have the exact moment. Yeah
02:15Congratulations to you and Cillian Murphy graduated to you. Yeah, you went and won an oscar
02:19Oh, yeah
02:23Last year
02:25Was it after that oscar win that you then met taylor swift? Yeah, we were at a party
02:34uh, I had the whole gang and
02:36My family and my kids. I don't think my kids were legally allowed to be there really
02:41I mean, I don't know but they were they were delightful. Your sons are the future of our of our
02:46world
02:46Oh, they're they were such great conversationalists. They were interesting and interested like that's the real accomplishment
02:54They're here aren't they? Yeah, one of them is here. Yeah, yeah
02:59There was one cloud
03:02Oh my god he's so he is so
03:12If this is a game show we've all just won a prize
03:16But that was easy and jodi jodi smith you're unusual. I think in that you know that you've met taylor
03:22swift
03:23But you don't know why everyone's saying that I don't know remember where I met her because we were drunk
03:29It was at the gold party and I remember that no
03:34Was it at madonna's party? It was at madonna's party. I think it was a beyonce's party. I was at
03:38beyonce's party
03:39I didn't meet you there. I mean you weren't at the beyonce party. We got a link up. We got
03:43to get the chat going
03:44I know this is how I know it was at madonna's party
03:45I've not been invited to any of these parties
03:48But I remember I remember that the gossip was incredible but I don't remember what it was
03:55We were having a great night
03:56It was fantastic
03:59And don't know
04:00Hi, hi
04:01No, no, no, I thank you for having me
04:07I'll bet, I'll bet good money, I'll bet good money you know Cillian Murphy
04:12Um not really no no no no
04:14Yes, yeah, yeah one of my I mean like maybe my third or fourth filmed job was uh was in
04:19a film that Cillian was the lead in
04:21And he was and I met you when I was like 19 doing my first job and he's always been
04:24amazing
04:25Yeah, an amazing actor an amazing person. Yeah, I met Don when he was doing a martin mcdonough play in
04:30the west end the broadway
04:31And he was like magnetic back then
04:34Back then
04:39You should have seen him then
04:43Yeah, if you're wondering tequila
04:49Yeah
04:50Now some of you know it James I've got to ask are you all right because you injured yourself?
04:55Are you all right because you don't know anyone?
04:58I feel like I know you
05:02And you've met the other backs
05:03We had a lovely time we've yeah, this is just tequila and other things. Yeah, um
05:07Just tequila shortly
05:09I did get injured am I all right? No, I am fine. I feel like this is the thing that's
05:12on now uh king and conqueror
05:14Yes, I I fell off the horse cool. Look at that. Yeah, I I fell off horse and I broke
05:18my collarbone
05:19Um in iceland now
05:20I was thinking oh that must be terrible to fall off a horse quite a distance
05:24And then I saw a picture of you with the horse and you are taller than yeah
05:29So
05:30I
05:30Surely a pony
05:33Okay, yeah, yeah, so iceland have a protective order on their horses
05:36You cannot import a horse because they have this kind of gene pool and it doesn't it can't be polluted
05:40And so we we having committed to shoot the whole thing and I said I was a producer on the
05:44show as well
05:44So I we were tasked with finding the biggest icelandic ponies we could find and they were that was the
05:49biggest we could find
05:51Even though it was it was that small. I still broke my collarbone from falling from that great height. So
05:56yeah
05:57It happened at the very beginning of all the stunt sequences. That's fun. Yeah
06:01Start still if you have one of those scenes where you might get injured
06:05It's a good thing to schedule those at the end of the show
06:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, well producers producers will do that they'll put the big stand
06:16Wait, but he's producing it was my producer
06:19I learned a lot I learned a lot
06:23But also looking at that i'm thinking duane never do an historical epic in iceland because that pony would not
06:29survive
06:30No, by the way
06:32Does a regular horse make a noise when you get on it?
06:35Like does it go oh
06:38Me? Yeah, why?
06:40Because there's a lot of muscle mass there
06:41A horse would be going oh jesus look at this
06:45Oh my god
06:46It grows it grows yeah many things groan when I get on it
06:49Yes, yes, yes
06:54I love that
06:55Okay, girl
06:56I'm writing that down
06:57I'm writing that down
07:01Oh, welcome back to everyone julia's second time on the show
07:04Hello
07:04Second time
07:05Second time
07:05Who do you know on the couch this time anybody?
07:08Um, I know colin and I know benedict and I know you and I am in awe
07:14Oh, good lord
07:16I'm in awe of all of them
07:20And actually you worked with benedict we did yeah yeah
07:23Yes august osage county
07:25Yes, you did and were you wimbledon together as well well julia was sat next to me
07:30Okay, and which I thought oh great i'm i'm between my husband and benedict this is going to be great
07:37But we were in a very special seating in the royal box we were in the royal box amazing
07:43Which I was very excited about until I
07:46Realized well until benedict pointed out to me
07:51That um, I gasp every time the ball is struck
07:57It was like a scene out of a pretty woman it was amazing
08:02It's impossible to be quiet
08:05In a scenario like it's so exciting
08:08But benedict had his tie and he was like and he's julia
08:12It's like they hit the ball
08:14They hit the ball he's like julia really
08:17It's gonna happen all day
08:19It's gonna happen a lot today
08:21If if they're lucky
08:23One big scream and get an area system
08:26And gloria estevan you have been in show business for 50 years
08:31Yes, I joined the band in 1975 as a miami latin boys and then when I stuck around we changed
08:38the name to miami sound machine
08:40It's a I can't believe it. I'm shocked
08:42But you know what I can't believe is I can't believe it is 40 years since we all first heard
08:48this
08:48Come on shake your body baby
08:50Do that conga
08:51Wow
08:51Oh, 40 years
08:53Yeah
08:55Conga is officially middle-aged
09:01It's so good and i'm glad you knew that colin because uh latin beats are important to you
09:06Yeah
09:07No, because miami vice
09:10I'm supposed to yes miami vice
09:12There's a bit of salsa in miami
09:14We're not talking chips
09:15Yeah, we saw you uh doing a bit of moving in miami vice
09:18Yes, here you are
09:20I cannot remember that scene
09:24I think it was
09:25I woke up 48 hours later in rehab
09:29Fact
09:33You took miami vice too seriously
09:37Yeah, the mojitos were good
09:3948 hours later
09:40Yes
09:42They were consequential
09:43Yes, cut to
09:44Yeah, that must have been very strange when you went to the premiere of miami vice and you must have
09:48been big swathes of it
09:49You didn't recall two-thirds of the film man
09:52I was like, don't tell me what's gonna happen next
09:56Yeah, but like julia tennis
09:58Yeah, no spoiler alert
10:03William you mentioned the music in this film the kind of 90s drum and bass
10:07Was that your because you took music very seriously was that your music?
10:11I love drum and bass. I always find it really difficult to dance to
10:14To to do you know there's a lot going on it's very thrashing
10:17Yeah, it's all that holly rhythms in it
10:20I could never I was never that guy you know
10:22But but I I did listen to it and yeah
10:26But when I say you took your music seriously
10:28You were in a band and not just you know and often people were in bands
10:31You got a five album deal
10:33What?
10:34Well, yeah, technically we did yeah
10:38What does that mean?
10:39I mean
10:40Yeah, we we were kids and we yeah, we got offered we got offered this record deal
10:44I don't know why I'm telling you
10:49So enjoy your chart success
10:51It could have been me
10:53My five albums is too long a term
10:54Yeah, I thought it was too long a term
10:56Is it now?
10:56They'll just sign us up young for five albums
10:58That's it
10:59That was part of it it was because my brother's in the band and he was only 18 my parents
11:03went no
11:04Oh, is that was it was your pet because I got because normally you would pick like the first bit
11:08of success
11:08You find you cling on to it, but you turned it down
11:11Well, it was they wouldn't let him they wouldn't let him ruin his life
11:15So they allowed me to go and potentially room
11:17But then we all just disbanded and it didn't happen
11:19And this was mr. Green jeans sons of mr. Green jeans sons of mr. Green yeah
11:23We've got a picture of you here now. Oh, is that the bus station?
11:28That's the bus station in cork city. Oh, yeah, I thought I don't know
11:31I mean, I don't know is that building still there it is yeah more people might not it is it
11:39is is that lovely old
11:41That I don't know. I haven't been inside for some time
11:44Who do you think I am
11:49I
11:50Actually talking a bit greater you were in a band
11:53Really seriously I did yeah, I'm so Killian and Taylor
12:02Also a musician
12:04Well, no, we've got an adorable this is no more
12:08This is this isn't quite a radio tour, but it's kind of there you're very young and you're doing a
12:13gig
12:13Is this a shopping mall you're in yeah
12:22Eleven and I'm singing you can see the vocal power Institute. Yes, I'm in front of Mervyn's
12:30In a yeah in a mom. That's incredible. Is this on I hope so
12:38But it just doesn't look like there's any Christmas decorations or anything you look like you're dressed in the French
12:43resistance
12:44The great outfits are they've been happening since yeah
12:48I think I was doing a cover of New York, New York
12:53Which is us it all makes sense we are in LA. It's Christmas for only one person
13:02What happened to that dream I what do you mean well
13:08What I'm doing
13:13Aspiring I'm here to announce my
13:16My album
13:24And Bruce isn't he walked on there to born to run this year. I think it's that's not 50 years
13:29old. I was 10 when I recorded it
13:31So yeah, yeah
13:33I was born to walk
13:37And jeremy allen white I've just got it. We all love you in the bear. You know that
13:44And the thing is we have had lots of actors on the show talking about playing real people
13:49I don't think they've ever been on sat next to the real person
13:52Yeah, this is kind of unprecedented
13:55So how involved was Bruce during the filming?
13:58I mean Bruce Bruce was there. We spent a little bit of time before we got started shooting
14:03We met here actually in London for the first time at Wembley
14:06I met him before a show and and we got together around New Jersey right before filming and then and
14:12then Bruce was around
14:13You know on set with us
14:15I always feel a little guilty about that, you know, I go like okay
14:19Not only does this fella have to play me
14:23He has to play me while my stupid ass is sitting in the chair
14:27Watch watching himself. Oh, that's awful
14:32Have you apologized?
14:33I tried
14:35But he was incredibly tolerant of me and I'm always thankful
14:39He was so generous of me of me being there and I and I had a great time
14:42And actually tessa elmer you have a really strong connection to bruce
14:46Yes deeply my dad went on tour with bruce for a while during the secret session for a year
14:52You and your papa played together and there you are there. Yeah, we went all around the world together
14:57uh mark anthony and he's a fabulous musician and a great guy and jennifer
15:02There's a slight link between you and bruce because was it when you were filming mother yes
15:09Tell us
15:09Um when I was filming mother and I would have to do really intense scenes
15:14I listened to a song of yours that would kind of bring me out of the funk
15:18Really? Yeah, can you guess which song it was bruce?
15:22Not born to run
15:24That would bring you out of the funk
15:25Yeah, it made me really happy
15:28It's not in the breast
15:29One could even say jolly
15:32Uh waiting on a sunny day
15:35No
15:35No
15:37Shall I put you out of your misery?
15:39Yes
15:39It was this
15:51That always works
15:52That always works
15:55Lovely to see you all
15:56First time welcome to Kim Kardashian
15:58Hello
15:58Thank you for having me
15:59Lovely to see you
16:00I'm very happy to see that is a sitting down dress
16:03I saw you backstage and I thought will that be a sitting down dress but it's good
16:06I'm praying that it is
16:08Sorry
16:08It's not
16:10So what is it so we can see through it
16:13Um you can it's it's uh by Dallara it's like latex uh I think Sarah said it best
16:18It's like a condom with a doily underneath it
16:22Beautiful
16:23I'm wearing a couch and she's wearing a condom
16:31And now uh Rachel am I right that you and Kim met at the academy
16:38Museum
16:38Gala gala
16:40We were at the same table but I know I could I couldn't see anyone
16:44Yeah
16:45Before you go over there let's so this is Rachel this is Rachel who's on the host committee
16:50I was hosting
16:50You're on the host committee
16:53Looking lovely now you're thinking why couldn't Kim see Rachel this is Kim
16:59Kim couldn't see anyone
17:01You know what I really wanted to commit before I walked out I could see through it a little bit
17:07And I saw your hair and the color of your dress
17:11And I I knew it was you and then I'm like felt so awkward going up to people like hi
17:15It's me
17:16It's Kim
17:19The photo looks like you're in the witness protection
17:21But still wants to do the red carpet god damn it
17:26Still looks fabulous
17:28And I just wondered you know you and robert patterson in an odd way you share this kind of
17:35Almost unique experience where you both found enormous early fame in
17:40Big franchise movies him and twilight younger games and I wonder did that bond you in any way or was
17:45it a kind of a oh
17:46That's a thing that happened back then
17:48Not really I think because like what else I mean if you think I didn't ask him about donald trump
17:52tweeting about
17:52The breakup with kristen obviously
17:55It was like three days after the photos came out with with her with you know whatever young people make
18:04mistakes
18:05Um and donald trump was like he better leave her
18:09Like he can do better than her like a huge rant
18:12It's like a different kind of I made it you know yeah yeah yeah I mean he wasn't president yeah
18:17right yeah we could sleep at night um but
18:21Anyway I brought that up but um
18:24No that wasn't we I think we bonded mostly this is so boring but like over our hands because like
18:29when you have kids babies
18:30Like you just want to show people like videos and pictures and you know but you I know you had
18:35him over
18:35Uh, okay. Did you have him over dinner? So
18:39Not exactly so I had my girlfriends over we were in our pajamas. We were watching little women. It was
18:44december
18:45Um, so we were watching both versions. Right around christmas time. Yes
18:49Um, and then and he was like hey, I just wrapped something like a block away from you
18:52And I was like oh my god because rob
18:55Is one of the girls like he wants to gossip he wants to like he is just one of the
18:59gals
18:59And so I was like come over, but he's also like
19:03My daughter like he's very
19:06He's a great father. He's a professional. He shows up on time, but like I wouldn't like trust that like
19:11He like put a coat on or like, you know
19:14Like he's not gonna like eat on time or something. He like brings out a very like maternal
19:19So he comes in and I give him a hug and he's like you have any food
19:23So hungry and I'm like yeah
19:25Yeah, yeah come in come in and then he goes to the bathroom and I do have food
19:29But it's in the trash
19:31And so while he was in the bathroom, I was just like pulling food out of my garbage
19:36And my girlfriends were like
19:39And i'm like
19:41So he eats it and we're all just kind of like
19:45Watching him eat this trash and then when he was finished he was like i'm still hungry as a mole
19:51And i'm like well there is but it's it's in the garbage
19:55I don't mind
20:01He sounds like the ideal house
20:03Yeah
20:03Yeah
20:06And we must congratulate you on the success of skin
20:09Uncle behind
20:10Yes
20:13Because you just have that knack of marketing where you come up with something that someone else might have thought
20:19of and got it
20:19Well, no i'm not going to do that but you go no i will and then it just takes over
20:23the world like the face
20:25What is it called the thing the face is it a face the face shapewear face yeah
20:29We all need a little double chin snatch
20:32So don't say that again
20:34Oh
20:38No, no we don't
20:44Mine would come up and cover my lips
20:49And is this your idea it was and you wear it at night
20:53All day
20:54Or whatever
20:55Okay
20:56But yeah i mean i just uh i figured
21:00A lot of women they use shapewear for other body parts to hold it up
21:04Why wouldn't you want to hold up your face no it's so i mean hello
21:08Hello
21:09Patience zero
21:14And this there was some controversy with your thong and was what's it called the ultimate the ultimate bush the
21:22ultimate bush the ultimate bush
21:24so we've got this
21:25There's a selection this is like a chocolate box a chocolate box
21:30It's awesome don't ever say chocolate box again
21:36Don't say that why don't you not say chocolate box again
21:40Okay
21:41Does the carpet match the drapes campaign
21:45Look is that a yeti that's like a clear one
21:50How the hell did this idea come up i love it i did a photo shoot once and they wanted
21:56me to
21:57it was like a crazy shoot and they wanted me to have hair in my um
22:03pantyhose and so then like just to look very like 70s
22:07like a 70s bush and i just thought how do you get this like
22:12do we cut like our hair
22:21wow how do you get your 70s bush and so we just like cut hair extensions
22:26and put it in like
22:39In 15 minutes i'm wearing one right now
22:43Please, let's give an applause, let's see, we're ladies and ladies!
22:49Because, you know, in the book, you know, you leave hospital,
22:53you go to high school, but as you say, it was when you went to university,
22:56that's when you, you kind of, not reinvent yourself,
22:58but just kind of wanted to become, you know...
23:01A normal, a normal person, yes.
23:03And did you feel, because, you know, you were so famous and known,
23:07you know, when you showed up at university,
23:09did you feel that everyone had an expectation of who Malala was going to be?
23:13100%, but I didn't want it to be that way,
23:15so that's why I remember when I was packing for university,
23:18I wanted to pack all the things that made me look like a normal college student,
23:23and I knew that if I wore my traditional shalwar kameez,
23:27the Pakistani traditional outfit, I would stand out,
23:30and then people would see me as the public figure Malala.
23:32So I wanted to wear, like, jeans and jumpers,
23:35anything that's just, like, basic and normal.
23:38So I went on Google, and I looked up, like, casual style 2017,
23:43and then I searched up Selena Gomez, casual.
23:46LAUGHTER
23:48Now, so you, so you Googled it.
23:50Yeah. So this is Selena Gomez here.
23:52Yes.
23:52And you sent us these pictures. Yes.
23:54And I said, Selena Gomez, and this is Malala channeling Selena.
23:57Oh, wow!
23:58It's good. We've got another one here.
24:00This is, now, when I saw that, I thought,
24:02Malala didn't wear that, did she?
24:03But she did.
24:04Went very zippy. Look at you.
24:06Look at you.
24:07Look at you.
24:07Yeah.
24:08Yeah.
24:12And when you were walking around Oxford, you know,
24:16were you very aware, were the paparazzi,
24:18or were you getting a lot of attention?
24:20I was aware that there are people sort of following me around.
24:25You know, I wanted to be a normal student in college,
24:28but, of course, I knew that if, you know,
24:29that some people are just looking for some excuse
24:32to create a whole controversy out of it,
24:34seeing me in a club or, you know, having fun with friends.
24:37But, yeah, then a whole controversy came out
24:40that was quite surprising to me.
24:43So I was out that day for rowing,
24:46and I was wearing skinny jeans and a bomber jacket
24:49and my headscarf.
24:50That's where I was.
24:51They were, yeah.
24:52I regret going for rowing that day, of course,
24:54because I had signed up for everything at college.
24:58And I said, oh, let's try rowing as well,
24:59because I want to be this active student.
25:01I want to make friends.
25:02I don't want those, like, lonely high school years.
25:04And I realized that for rowing,
25:06you have to be up at 5 a.m.
25:08and you need to know how to swim.
25:11And I couldn't swim at the time.
25:14But then, walking back from there,
25:16somebody took a photo of me wearing skinny jeans,
25:18and I got this call from my parents
25:21telling me that they were really concerned
25:23because people are criticizing me for wearing jeans,
25:27that this is not a traditional outfit
25:30and somehow I am shaming the country and the culture.
25:33But I told my parents that I'm not in college
25:35for some pilgrimage or some...
25:37..you know, cultural representation.
25:39I'm here as a student.
25:40And I reminded my dad that when my brothers came
25:43into this country,
25:44they switched to the Western clothing right away.
25:48They wear jeans and tops,
25:49but nobody criticized them.
25:51It's only women and girls who are being criticized.
25:54Yeah. Yeah.
25:54So it's not fair.
25:56APPLAUSE
25:58Every time there's anything that happens, though,
26:00you just text them a photo of the Nobel Peace Prize.
26:03LAUGHTER
26:04LAUGHTER
26:06As I was saying.
26:07Yeah, no, come on, ladies.
26:09LAUGHTER
26:10Now, to warm up back to Wasserman Pike,
26:12the last time we were here, it was a zoomy thing
26:14and you were zooming us from a cabin.
26:17Was it in Eastern Europe somewhere?
26:19It was my home, Graham.
26:21Oh!
26:21My home in Prague.
26:23Shade!
26:24A cabin in Eastern Europe.
26:26My home in Prague.
26:28It didn't...
26:28Do you have any lights?
26:29It looked very dark.
26:31LAUGHTER
26:32Well, it was lockdown.
26:34It was...
26:34We were, you know, hunkering down like the rest of the world.
26:39LAUGHTER
26:40Here's the thing, though.
26:41The last time you were on, broadcasting for your beautiful home in Prague...
26:45LAUGHTER
26:47We all at Envik.
26:49LAUGHTER
26:50You went a bit...
26:52You kind of found new fame, but in a very niche way.
26:55Oh, my gosh, yeah.
26:56You asked me about my family, my children speaking Chinese.
27:00Yes.
27:00If they'd taught me anything, and I came out with one thing they'd taught me,
27:05which is a Chinese proverb, I suppose you'd call it,
27:08and apparently that clip went viral around China,
27:12and now I am recognised as the girl who tells fart jokes...
27:17LAUGHTER
27:18..and speaks proverbs about farting.
27:20So, when I was doing the play in the summer at the National Theatre,
27:23people would come and bring me pillows and teddy bears,
27:27which, when I pressed the button, would come out with this Chinese phrase.
27:30Two coups of fang pee.
27:32LAUGHTER
27:35Loving it.
27:36Loving it.
27:37Wow.
27:37It's hard.
27:39It's hard.
27:39She really did say fang pee, OK?
27:43It was so funny, Michelle let out a little fart.
27:46LAUGHTER
27:46Let out a little fart.
27:48LAUGHTER
27:49Now, Jackie, you've also found international fame from a story on the show.
27:54I mean, it's very different to Chinese proverbs,
27:57but, yes, I do sometimes get recognised for my appearances on The Graham Norton Show.
28:01The last time it happened, I was on tour in Australia
28:04and I was in an airport with my family
28:07and a guy recognised me, he was like,
28:09Oh, yeah, we love you, Jack Whitehall, yeah,
28:11that story you told on Graham Norton
28:13about not being able to flush your shit down the dunny.
28:17LAUGHTER
28:17And he stamped my passport and let me through.
28:20LAUGHTER
28:21People remember that story and then they just come up to you
28:23and say it with, like, no context.
28:25OK, so, uh, Glenn, the challenge is on.
28:28LAUGHTER
28:28I've got to throw something out there.
28:30Do you remember when we had dinner at that place?
28:32What was the... with Pete, what was the name of the place we grabbed dinner?
28:35Dorian.
28:36Yes, Dorian.
28:37This place has one bathroom.
28:40This is the most awkward fan interaction I've ever had.
28:45I go to the bathroom and, you know, sometimes, like, you go to the bathroom
28:48and there's, like, toilet paper already, like, on...
28:50In the bottom of the toilet.
28:52Yeah, yeah.
28:52Right?
28:52So I'm just, like, lift up the seat, pee, do the thing, and flush.
28:57And I realise now why there was toilet paper on there.
29:00It just flipped all this stuff underneath it.
29:05And I was like, oh, my God.
29:07So I'm, like, trying to do...
29:08I'm like, this is crazy.
29:09So, wash my hands, leave, and as I open the door,
29:13there's about eight girls outside the bathroom door.
29:18And they go, oh, my God.
29:19Sorry, we had to meet you.
29:21We wanted to say hi.
29:22And they're like...
29:23And I was like, are you guys going in here?
29:25And they're like, yeah.
29:27And they go, it wasn't me.
29:28That was, like, the whole other person.
29:30I didn't do that.
29:31They're like, what are you talking about?
29:32I was like, you're gonna see a whole situation.
29:34I just wanna know, like...
29:35I added to it, but not, like, in that way.
29:38Just letting you know, Jack Whitehall did that.
29:42He's notorious.
29:43He's notorious.
29:44He's notorious.
29:44This guy, this guy.
29:45All right, talking of music, Song Song Blue,
29:48obviously it's not about Neil Tyler,
29:49but his music is like a character.
29:52I mean, it's so gorgeous.
29:53There's 13 of his songs in it.
29:54Wow.
29:55And Neil knew the story of Mike and Claire really well.
29:58And so he just gave his rights to his music for the movie.
30:02And you both spent time with him, right?
30:04Yeah.
30:04You did first.
30:05Yeah, I grew up in Colorado and he lives, like,
30:09ten minutes from where I grew up and had never met him.
30:15And he'd seen the movie and I was like,
30:17can I go see him?
30:18And they invited me over and we had lemonade on the porch.
30:22Oh, there you are!
30:23There you are having lemonade on the porch.
30:24It was so emotional because he's retired,
30:27he's not singing anymore, he's really, like, you know,
30:30living a very quiet life and he loves his movie so much
30:34and he was so grateful, which I was not expecting,
30:37and emotional about the movie.
30:39And then we just had just, like, this lovely porch moment.
30:43Yeah. What's that song?
30:44I am myself.
30:45Ah, so good.
30:46Yeah.
30:46Oh, it's in there.
30:47There's no one there, and no one at night,
30:51even the chair.
30:54Oh, very good.
30:55Don't do it.
30:56Yeah.
31:00So Kate went round and had lemonade on the porch.
31:03Yeah.
31:03You, Jackman, you sort of imposed yourself on the Diamond family.
31:07Yeah.
31:08He rang me.
31:10Oh, did he?
31:10He rang me up to seeing the movie with his wife Katie
31:13and he was crying and he was so moved by it,
31:16he loved it and he just loved the story of Mike and Claire
31:20and so I took the opportunity, I said,
31:22ah, guys, I'd love to come round and have a cuppa or something.
31:26And they were like, ah, and Neil's like,
31:29OK, yeah, all right.
31:31And then I didn't hear from Neil anymore
31:33and Katie obviously takes her phone and goes,
31:35you know, we're in Colorado.
31:36I went, OK, yeah, no, I'd still like to come for a cuppa.
31:39And she was like, you, so I guess you want to stay the night?
31:42And I'm like, that'd be great.
31:45And she's like, OK, so we went there and their son Jesse was there
31:49and Neil came out and he came up to me and he grabbed me
31:52and he goes, you did good, kid.
31:53Oh.
31:54And he was emotional about it.
31:56And so I stayed the night and at dinnertime,
32:00Neil Diamond, Neil Diamond goes, you want to do some karaoke?
32:05I'm like, hell yeah.
32:08We did karaoke.
32:09Oh.
32:09And he's, yes.
32:11Oh.
32:12And the first song that Neil sang, yeah,
32:14at one point he put his arm around, he kissed me on the forehead
32:16and he sang, I dreamed a dream.
32:18No.
32:19And I said, why are you singing, I dreamed a dream?
32:21And he goes, that's such a pretty tune.
32:23A pretty tune.
32:23And he sang it so beautifully.
32:25A pretty tune.
32:25And then we sang, can't help falling in love with you.
32:28And then we sang, sweet Caroline.
32:30Of course you did.
32:31Yeah.
32:31And a funny fact about the Diamond household.
32:34It's the best.
32:34This is a true story.
32:36Anyone who says, so good, in the Diamond household,
32:39two other people have to say, so good, so good.
32:41So good, so good.
32:42It took me a second to work it out.
32:43It happened to me too.
32:44Like I'm sitting, I go, oh God, it was so good.
32:46And you hear someone go, so good, so good.
32:48And you're like, and then finally I was like,
32:50do you guys say that?
32:51Oh yeah, every time someone says, so good.
32:54Yeah.
32:54It's so good.
32:55So good.
32:56Oh.
32:57Play that game at home,
32:58you're going to realize how often you say it.
33:00It gets over real quick.
33:04And Jacinda, gorgeous to see you.
33:06Well, do you know what?
33:07It's just lovely to have a New Zealander on the sofa
33:09rather than on the red chair.
33:11Telling a vile story.
33:13I will admit that when your producer called,
33:15I did clarify which seat I would be in.
33:19Yeah.
33:20It feels like it's part of national service in New Zealand.
33:23You must go abroad and tell a story about shitting yourself.
33:25When you leave, we check your passport.
33:27We check that you've got a good set of yarns.
33:30But it's something about New Zealanders.
33:32They do tell a good yarn.
33:34They really do.
33:35And they, you know, they're shameless as well.
33:38There's that.
33:39And Kate, there's a kind of New Zealand connection
33:42because you started your film career in New Zealand.
33:45Yes, I did.
33:46I did.
33:46The first film I ever did when I was 17 years old
33:48was filmed in New Zealand, directed by Peter Jackson.
33:52We were just backstage saying,
33:53we're going to end up talking about Peter Jackson.
33:54Well, we are.
33:56Because before politics came a call in,
33:58you tried to work with Peter Jackson in New Zealand.
34:00I guess technically I did.
34:01I auditioned for...
34:03Did you actually?
34:04I did audition.
34:06Brilliant!
34:07I did...
34:07Half of New Zealand auditioned just to be...
34:10And half of New Zealand's dad, except for me.
34:13I did.
34:14What was it?
34:15Too tall?
34:16What was the problem?
34:17That's what I told myself.
34:18I auditioned to be an extra as a hobbit.
34:21Oh.
34:24Because I lived...
34:25I grew up quite close to Hobbiton,
34:27where they did all the filming.
34:28It's not a real place.
34:29It is.
34:31You didn't just believe it exists.
34:32I also believe it exists.
34:34Well, you're wrong.
34:35I know.
34:36I think it would have been fun if there was just one tall hobbit
34:39in the background.
34:40Well, as I recall, they had a five foot seven,
34:43little, you know, ruler against the doorway.
34:47And as I walked in, I just...
34:49Yeah.
34:51A little bit of limbo.
34:53A little bit of limbo.
34:53I did a little limbo, and then I got as far as the forms.
34:55And I do remember they asked,
34:57can you ride a horse bareback?
34:59And can you joust?
35:02No.
35:02And I could ride bareback, because New Zealand.
35:06But the jousting I fell shy on.
35:08I don't remember any jousting in that film.
35:10There wasn't.
35:13Obviously, nobody...
35:14Everyone went, no.
35:16They needed at least two.
35:18Yeah.
35:19Now, Alan, I have to say,
35:21huge congratulations on Celebrity Traders.
35:23Oh.
35:23I mean, it was amazing.
35:25There you are.
35:26Woo!
35:27I love that picture.
35:29I love it.
35:31I did some extra filming for it,
35:33and they went, oh, Alan, do the face.
35:35When they put...
35:36Dude, that's my face.
35:37That's not a face.
35:41And I knew, because I watched the first episode, and my phone was pinging, and like, you know, when you're
35:46in the middle aisle at Liddle, when you're going to Greg's for the last sausage roll.
35:51I was being, yeah, manipulated.
35:55And I was saying, you know, you're on television a lot, and so you kind of think, I am known.
36:00But then, being the star of the biggest show, the most talked about show, it must feel different.
36:07Yeah, people go, oh, Alan, isn't he funny?
36:10I've been on telly for 25 years.
36:12I must have been awful.
36:15But you know the funny thing, and they never kept it in.
36:18And I just felt really proud, just like, outwitting all these clever people.
36:22And Stephen Fry was at the round table, and he went, you've...
36:26Who can the traitors be?
36:28Now, remember the Cambridge spies?
36:30They were flamboyant, they were camp, they were out there.
36:33But no-one spotted them, and I was obviously going, mm, I know.
36:40And are you tired of it yet, or are you still...
36:43Sick of it.
36:45You say sick of it.
36:47Oh, I know what you're saying.
36:47Yeah, we've got a clip of you out and about in Soho.
36:50Oh, please don't talk to me about celebrity traitors.
36:57And when it pulls back, we'll see, he's even got the lamp.
37:09Nice to see you all.
37:10Leave the guests alone, Miriam.
37:14Miriam, are you paying homage to Where's Wally?
37:17Why the scarf?
37:19It's Arsenal!
37:20Oh!
37:23You've heard of Arsenal?
37:25Oh, I have.
37:25Certainly the first part.
37:30The thing is, I want to join the working classes.
37:34And I'm so middle class, you know, I can't help it.
37:39But Arsenal is working class.
37:42OK.
37:42And I thought if I support Arsenal, you know, people will accept me.
37:48There's nothing like a scarf over sequins to suggest working class.
37:54It's lovely to see you, Miriam.
37:56Glenn Close, I was saying to you, I feel like you're a frequent guest.
37:59You haven't been here for, what, 18 years?
38:0118 years, yes.
38:02What did you do to her the first time?
38:04I don't know.
38:06But now, is it true you nearly worked with Miriam?
38:09Yes.
38:10Don't you remember?
38:11Yes, I do.
38:12Well, it was...
38:13I think it was Albert Nobbs.
38:14Albert Nobbs, that's right.
38:16The movie, Albert Nobbs, it was shot in Dublin and I was dying for you to play the hotel proprietor.
38:20And why didn't I?
38:21What happened?
38:21I don't know.
38:22You would have been marvellous.
38:23I would have loved to have done that.
38:25Yes, yes.
38:25It's a beautiful piece of work.
38:28And I really admire you.
38:30You know, I don't admire all those people in Hollywood.
38:33But you, I do.
38:35I don't live in Hollywood and I never have.
38:38You work there.
38:39You know, we all work there sometimes.
38:41Yeah.
38:42But you're a class act, darling.
38:44Oh, my goodness.
38:44Glenn Kass, I would say.
38:46Yeah.
38:46Oh, well, well, yes.
38:47Right?
38:48Glenn Kass.
38:50Glenn Kass.
38:50Oh, that's nice.
38:52I mean that.
38:52I mean that.
38:53It's a first-time welcome to Alexander Skarsgård.
38:56So, hello.
38:57Hello.
38:57Hello.
38:58And now, here's an odd thing.
38:59I think you know Miriam.
39:03Uh...
39:04No, you don't.
39:06What's that about?
39:07I clearly made a strong impression on Miriam when we met.
39:10What?
39:11Well, I...
39:13We have actually met, yes.
39:16I believe you own or used to own a condo in Santa Monica.
39:21Is that correct?
39:21I did, yes.
39:22Yes.
39:23Were you looking to rent out a room in that at one point?
39:26This would have been like...
39:27When I was coming back to England, yeah.
39:30OK.
39:30What were you doing there?
39:32Well, I was...
39:33You were...
39:34Because you were going back to shoot...
39:36Was it Harry Potter maybe?
39:37Yeah, I think so.
39:38Yeah.
39:38And, um, I...
39:39It was an ad.
39:40I was looking for a room to rent.
39:42I was, uh...
39:43And why didn't you take it?
39:45Well...
39:48Tell her.
39:48Tell her.
39:49Was it not clean or something?
39:51No, I...
39:51It was an incredibly...
39:53It was a gorgeous apartment.
39:54And I remember that you were very charming and I...
39:59And expensive.
40:01No, I don't think it was that.
40:02I think it was...
40:03I think, in hindsight, I probably misread the cues, but I felt a strong...
40:08Sexual connection.
40:10And I think that...
40:12Still now.
40:13More to go.
40:15It was probably a...
40:17Probably misread the cues, but I felt this could potentially get messy if I rent a room
40:21in this apartment, if I'm your tenant.
40:23Darling, I'm 84 and gay.
40:27I've been with my partner for 58 years.
40:31Again, I...
40:31I've probably misread the situation.
40:34LAUGHTER
40:35But, uh...
40:36You're talking through your bottom.
40:38LAUGHTER
40:39But, you know, it is.
40:40I was actually there and I do remember that, uh, we had a lovely afternoon, which you obviously
40:45don't remember, but it was, um, it was...
40:49LAUGHTER
40:50That bit's true, Miriam.
40:51He did spend the afternoon, then.
40:53A lovely afternoon.
40:54Yes.
40:54Uh, Nicola, have you nearly worked with Miriam or nearly lived with her?
40:58Yes.
40:59Miriam, I'm your daughter.
41:03LAUGHTER
41:05LAUGHTER
41:05And I am your father.
41:07LAUGHTER
41:10And I am your father.
41:11APPLAUSE
41:11Oh, my God.
41:13Happy family.
41:14Oh, that is lovely.
41:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:16So, before the talk show, in America, you were very famous because of, of course, Saturday Night Live.
41:21Yeah.
41:21Um, there you are.
41:23I think it'll be good up there.
41:24My friend Amy Poehler.
41:25Amy Poehler.
41:26Kate was on when I was, uh, on the show?
41:27Oh, my God.
41:28I was...
41:28Can I just say, when I was on, it was absolutely terrifying.
41:31I think it's terrifying for everybody.
41:32Am I allowed to quickly tell the story?
41:33Even though this is totally unplanned?
41:35No, go.
41:36Uh, when I was on, it was the week after Ashley Simpson...
41:39Mmm.
41:39..was done for lip-syncing, right?
41:42I'm then on with Eminem, OK?
41:44I was doing publicity for a film called Finding Neverland at the time,
41:47and Johnny Depp and I had to miss the Wednesday rehearsal
41:50because we had to go to Chicago and talk to Oprah,
41:53and I'm thinking, oh, my God, what's the opening monologue going to be?
41:55I get to Wednesday night, come back from the Oprah thing,
41:58still, they're like, well, we're just, you know, trying to figure it out.
42:01I'm like, just please tell me.
42:03It's, you know, it's a couple of days away,
42:05just what you're going to have me do.
42:06The next day, I go in and they're like, can you sing?
42:09And I said, a little, you know, ish, kind of.
42:12Do you dance?
42:13I'm like, I mean, yeah.
42:14Like, do you tap dance?
42:15I'm like, yeah, yeah, I do it.
42:17They're like, perfect.
42:17I'm like, so what's the opening monologue?
42:19They're like, we'll get back to you.
42:20I'm like, oh, my God.
42:21Now what's happening to me?
42:23This is absolutely terrible.
42:24They gave me 24 hours to learn.
42:27Nothing's impossible.
42:28I have found for when...
42:29I'm tap dancing and singing fully live
42:32the week after the whole Ashley Simpson thing.
42:34And also, I have to say something else,
42:36and this is a story I've never, never told.
42:38Eminem asked me to shave his bottom.
42:43There's always a month.
42:44There's always, like, a poo bum fiend for me
42:47when I come on this show.
42:48Was it like a hand-held razor?
42:49Well, he did.
42:50He said, would you shave my butt?
42:51And I said, I'm sorry, I don't do personal grooming.
42:54Like, what?
42:55I'm not going to go with a bick and get your crackler.
42:58I was like, honestly, that's my...
43:00Never told that story before ever in my life in public.
43:04There you go.
43:06And can I say...
43:07Should have said yes.
43:09Well, the door's open.
43:10Should have said yes.
43:11No, no, no, no.
43:11Once she said no, I did say yes.
43:14No, no, no, no.
43:16I was early in the show.
43:19I would do anything.
43:21But here's the thing.
43:22It does sort of run in the Cranston family,
43:25the not liking clothes thing.
43:27Oh.
43:27Tell us about your Uncle Bob.
43:29Oh.
43:30Well, Bob is indeed my uncle.
43:32Yeah.
43:36Um...
43:36Oh, my God.
43:37I'd like to say that.
43:38Oh, my God.
43:41Oh, my God.
43:41Bob's doing.
43:42We should say late, late uncle.
43:44Oh.
43:44He's my late uncle.
43:45Late uncle.
43:46He's passed on, but he was a nudist.
43:50Oh.
43:51Yeah.
43:51Uncle Bob was a nudist.
43:53And...
43:54That's the first line of a play.
43:57And, you know, he was in his 90s when he passed away,
44:02and he was...
44:02Still naked.
44:03Still naked!
44:04And I used to go visit him, of course, in Florida,
44:07where all nudist colonies are.
44:09Listen, I was born in Florida, and you've never seen me naked.
44:17You paused for a second.
44:19Wait, wait, wait, wait.
44:20Wait, wait, wait.
44:22Um...
44:23Yes.
44:23I think I sent the producers a photograph or two.
44:27Oh, wait a minute.
44:27Oh, no.
44:29Is this really a picture of your Uncle Bob?
44:30This is my real Uncle Bob in a...
44:33I think I sent it somewhere.
44:35This is the picture of Uncle Bob.
44:36No!
44:40I can only apologise.
44:46I see the resemblance.
44:48Is that real?
44:50I mean...
44:51Rachel said, I see the resemblance.
44:55How dare you.
44:56I'm sorry.
44:56It was right there.
44:57It's not only Bob.
44:58It's Bits and Bobs, isn't it?
45:03Of all the things you've chosen to wear,
45:05you went with a hat.
45:08Well, he wants to protect him from the sun.
45:11He wanted to go to the lake there,
45:14and I go visit him, and he said,
45:16I'll bring a chair for you.
45:17And I said, look, Bob, I'm not going to go naked.
45:20I'm just not going to do that.
45:21Or sit on the chair.
45:23And he brought a chair.
45:25He said, take that chair.
45:26And I brought the chair, and he decided,
45:28I thought we were going to sit side by side,
45:30look at it.
45:30No.
45:30No, he comes around,
45:32and the chair I had sat about this level.
45:37I was like...
45:40No, I'm like, I can't, I can't.
45:42It's good to be fair.
45:46So that means...
45:48Excellent.
45:48That means a priority.
45:50Listen, we belong to Donald Gleeson's latest work.
45:52It's a very funny new sitcom.
45:53It's called The Paper.
45:55Can I just say, Donald is magnetic in that show.
45:57I love that.
45:58I love that show.
45:59I want to say to him,
46:00I'm so happy it's coming back,
46:01and his character is like...
46:02It's so good.
46:03...the loveliest,
46:04most romanticising character.
46:06He, like, romanticises his life.
46:08And it's really sweet and beautiful.
46:10And also, I don't think that you just sound American,
46:12you seem American.
46:13I know that.
46:14So good.
46:15Like you are American.
46:16You have to leave that in the show.
46:18Your numbers are about to skyrocket.
46:20Thank you, Taylor Swift, very, very much.
46:22Can I also say, thank you.
46:24Thank you, everybody.
46:25Thank you, Taylor.
46:26Thank you, thank you.
46:27No, both.
46:28You started it.
46:29Can I also say,
46:30it's just worth watching for Donald's dancing alone.
46:32Oh, my God.
46:33Yes, absolutely.
46:34Absolutely.
46:35What?
46:36Yes.
46:36I'm hoping to get in the Taylor Swift music video.
46:39I'm hoping.
46:39There you go.
46:40Yeah.
46:45And because you're here today,
46:46I've got to ask you,
46:47is next year the wedding year?
46:49Is that when it's happening?
46:50Oh, you'll know.
46:54So you're going big.
46:55I just mean that I was going to invite you to it.
47:05If you're inviting me, it's very big.
47:07It's huge.
47:10I think I can see Taylor.
47:15Well, I'm sure it'll be a fabulous day.
47:17Are you in the middle of planning it all now?
47:19No.
47:20I just am doing the album thing now, which is a big thing.
47:24Yes.
47:24And then I think the wedding is what happens after that,
47:29in the scheme of the planning.
47:31Okay.
47:32But I'm really, I'm, you know, I'm so excited about it.
47:34I'm just like, I know it's going to be fun to plan.
47:39Because I think the only stressful weddings are the ones where you have a small amount and people are on
47:44the bubble.
47:46Yeah.
47:46Right?
47:47Yes.
47:47And you have to evaluate or assess your relationship with them.
47:51Yeah.
47:52To see if they should be there.
47:53Yeah.
47:53I'm not going to do that.
47:55Okay.
47:55This is why you're invited.
47:57Anyone I've ever talked to.
47:58Thanks, Greta.
47:59Yeah.
48:00It's going to be great.
48:00There's no bubble.
48:01You'll be there.
48:03I'll take it.
48:05No, it's like, oh, we had to have hung out eight times.
48:08Yeah, yeah.
48:08It's like you're on the bubble.
48:09Yeah.
48:10We've hung out five times.
48:11Do you know what I mean?
48:12I'm on the bubble.
48:14It's going to be fun.
48:14I shouldn't have said any of that.
48:15Well, listen.
48:17Seriously, we just wish you all the best.
48:20Thank you so much.
48:21And have a lovely, lovely day.
48:22Thanks.
48:22Thank you, David Taylor Swift!
48:29One family and a lifetime of secrets.
48:32Watch them come out for the Wolf Sisters.
48:33Available now and over the weekend on iPlayer.
48:36Listen, everything across the BBC is made possible because we're funded by you.
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