00:00In love, engaged, separated.
00:02It's a hard topic.
00:03How do you break up?
00:04Oh, that's difficult.
00:06And what then?
00:08Don't get back together with your ex.
00:10Love is wonderful, but statistics show that most people have to deal with a breakup at some point in their
00:15lives.
00:16How do young Europeans deal with separation?
00:19We asked young people on the street about their experiences and spoke to a trained professional on the topic, how
00:25do you break up?
00:28It's really hard, but try your best not to hurt their feelings.
00:32Don't wait too long if you feel it's not right.
00:34I think that one way is always talking, not by SMS.
00:40I think over lunch or coffee is nice, because then you can really just leave it nicely and you can
00:47spend a nice afternoon together.
00:48It's good to talk about it when you're both in a good mental space, not during or just after an
00:53argument.
00:54There's no good way to do it, but it's about being vulnerable.
00:57The fastest and the more direct you are, the better.
01:00Most agree that breaking up by a text message is wrong.
01:03Still, 7% of Germans, for example, have ended a relationship by ghosting, that is, by cutting off contact.
01:0940% of people under the age of 30 have broken up by a text message at least once.
01:14What about you?
01:17I'm not going to do that mistake again.
01:19We were far apart, so I wrote a message first, but then I showed up in person.
01:24Psychologist and couples therapist Gulcihan Korkmaz is an expert on relationships and separation.
01:30Very, very interesting.
01:32I really like it a lot.
01:33It's very interesting, because the common message is, don't hurt the other person.
01:41Try to make it nice.
01:43But this is a controversy.
01:45It doesn't work.
01:47Split ups hurt a lot.
01:49Divorce hurts a lot.
01:51So you need to acknowledge that.
01:53There was this one guy who actually said, there is no good way how to do it.
01:59This is not true.
02:00This is really not true.
02:02There is a very good way how you can do it, by understanding this is going to be hurtful,
02:07and by not avoiding the hurtful topics.
02:10You can see some cultural differences, but this is something that we all really do.
02:15It's mostly women who initiate separations.
02:18For example, 44% of German women have initiated a separation at some point, compared to only 28% of
02:23men.
02:25Just under a third separate amicably.
02:28In Germany, the reasons are usually a lack of feelings or growing apart.
02:33Infidelity is in third place.
02:36So, can you stay friends after breaking up?
02:39Yes, I think you can be friends.
02:41Are you friends with your exes?
02:42I'm not.
02:43I don't want to be friends after a breakup.
02:46It depends on the breakup.
02:47What does the expert say?
02:49Why should you want to be friends with your ex?
02:52Is it a real intention?
02:54Is it your motive?
02:55Or is it, again, here, your self-image?
02:57Because what we usually do is we have the self-image of, I'm being so civil.
03:03I'm being such a grown-up, having my emotional situation in control, that I can be friends with my ex
03:11-partner.
03:11Like this Hollywood idea of, first we were in love, it was everything so fine, and now we are best
03:17friends in life.
03:19I think this is an artificial narrative.
03:23So, a clean break is best?
03:25In the social media age, that can be tough.
03:27In the UK, around one in five people unfollow their ex-partner on social media.
03:33What about the rest of Europe?
03:35Unfollow. Everywhere.
03:37Block. Mute.
03:39I think that's a childish thing.
03:43Unfollow?
03:44But that's only theoretical.
03:46For me, it was unfollow, but just because, like, yeah, I need to move on, and if my person or
03:53other partner, ex-partner,
03:55was big into social media, then there's no need to see that.
03:58I would say follow.
04:00Opinions differ greatly.
04:02Unfollow.
04:03For the first moments, you need to...
04:07The thing is, when you are having a breakup, you really need to have a breakup.
04:12Breakup means not to be in contact.
04:15But when you have children, it's not possible to break up with a person and not talk to that person
04:21anymore.
04:21But you need to have clear boundaries.
04:25For Germans, it takes about a year on average to heal from a breakup and heartbreak.
04:32Take time for yourself.
04:34Don't download dating apps for sure.
04:37Finding yourself again.
04:38Cutting my hair.
04:41Don't. Don't. Don't get back together with your ex.
04:44Everyone has their own way to deal with a breakup.
04:51All right.
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