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00:00Modern psychology warns us that loneliness is very dangerous.
00:05Loneliness can cause depression, anxiety and such fatal conditions.
00:10In modern cities like Bangalore,
00:12marrying, leaving a relationship or staying single
00:16are seen as equal and available option.
00:19And we also know that Tagore says,
00:22So how should a young person follow the right path?
00:26How do we understand this loneliness alone correctly?
00:30Lonely.
00:35What makes me think that two lonely entities
00:39can get together to fulfill each other?
00:42Where did this concept, this idea, this dream come from?
00:47That man, that girl, he visits her every Saturday.
00:54This ordinary man, this ordinary woman.
01:00What can the two of them do in a room?
01:03Not space travel.
01:05There are some who are very confident of whatever they believe in.
01:12They say, I need a house in my life or car in my life.
01:15More commonly, a man or a woman in my life.
01:18Therefore, I am lonely.
01:19I am sure.
01:20I am very confident.
01:22The moment I get the desired object, I won't be lonely anymore.
01:26Nonsense.
01:27What will you do with her, woman?
01:31What?
01:32Keep the fluffy emotion aside.
01:34What exactly will you do with her?
01:36What is there?
01:37Good evening, Acharya Ji.
01:50My question is about loneliness.
01:52We know that the modern psychology warns us that loneliness is very dangerous.
01:59There are studies that show that elongated periods of loneliness can cause depression,
02:05anxiety and such fatal conditions.
02:08We also know that some of the highest literature or some of the highest wisdom was written or
02:15created in solitude.
02:17And we know poets like Tagore says, Ekla Chalori, right?
02:21So, in this, like we are living in Bangalore right now, in these cities with like full of
02:26crowded apartments, co-spaces and full of noise.
02:29How do we understand this loneliness and alone correctly?
02:34When you are conditioned to dream that your inner condition will find relief
02:47in something outer, what you have is loneliness.
02:54Loneliness is not the absence of a desired object or desired person.
03:02Before the absence of the person you desire comes the belief that your inner condition can be healed
03:17by the presence of an outer person.
03:22That inner concept is loneliness.
03:29You are made to feel.
03:31You have accepted that feeling.
03:34You believe in that feeling that my inner condition can be treated through an outer object.
03:43This belief is loneliness and freedom from this belief is aloneness.
03:56That's all.
03:58There are some who are very confident of whatever they believe in.
04:04They say, there is this belief, I need a house in my life or car in my life, more commonly a man or a woman in my life.
04:17Therefore I am lonely.
04:20I am sure, I am very confident.
04:23The moment I get the desired object, I won't be lonely anymore.
04:29There are those and then there are those who say, wait, wait, wait.
04:35Where did this belief come from?
04:39How am I made to think that a person, as ordinary as I am, will be the God to heal my life?
04:56What makes me think that way?
05:01What makes me think that two lonely entities can get together to fulfill each other?
05:09What makes me think that way?
05:11Let me inquire into the source of this belief.
05:15Where did this concept, this idea, this dream come from?
05:22Yes, I do have a void within, I experience that, there is something there.
05:32But what makes me think that some general fellow out there, as ordinary as I am, will be the cure.
05:45What makes me think that way?
05:49What makes me turn an ordinary mortal into my God?
05:56Why?
05:59And especially when that ordinary mortal is turning, reciprocally, me into his God.
06:06What is this God-God game?
06:10The moment you are free of the expectation that somebody can come and plug in this hollow that you have.
06:25The freedom from expectation is aloneness.
06:30Now your energies have been prevented from dissipating in all insane directions.
06:46Otherwise human life can be called as a stream losing itself.
06:57In a thousand scattered ways.
07:04Rushing towards this object, then that object, then that object, that object and finding solace nowhere.
07:14That's what loneliness does to you.
07:20A huge dissipator.
07:23And a huge deceiver.
07:26Because you will keep spending yourself all your life without finding relief anywhere.
07:31But there will be a new hope, a new promise every time.
07:34And then one day you will find yourself committed and invested so deeply that you will become incapable of being honest to yourself.
07:52The investment will be so deep that you will be forced to lie to yourself.
07:59And you will say, now I am not lonely anymore.
08:02What's the alternative?
08:05Yes, I have invested everything and I am still lonely.
08:09How stupid that sounds, right?
08:11One won't be able to face the mirror.
08:16One then starts saying, finally I got what I was looking for and I am not lonely anymore.
08:22No sir, you are not honest anymore.
08:27Your investments are now so deep, so deep that you cannot acknowledge that you are still as lonely as you were at the beginning of the search.
08:36Just that, now you cannot afford honesty.
08:43All your life energy has now been absorbed by a particular relationship or a set of them.
08:55You feel like an utter fool internally.
08:58Yes, you do.
09:00But you cannot acknowledge it.
09:02Because it would look so stupid.
09:05You are forty now.
09:07And you are still as lonely as you were at fifteen.
09:12Just that, now you have invested crores in the special ones around you.
09:17How do you acknowledge that all that has gone waste?
09:21Everybody would laugh at you.
09:23The mirror would laugh at you, first thing.
09:26So you now say, you know,
09:29Son,
09:32You must have a partner.
09:39The lies penetrate really deep, don't they?
09:44We lie so deeply, we start believing in our lies.
09:49Not just believing in our lies, we start propagating our lies.
09:53Lonely.
09:54What to do?
09:55Lonely.
09:56Entire industries would collapse if you could find the real measure of your loneliness.
10:00Lonely.
10:01Lonely.
10:02Entire industries would collapse if you could find the real measure of your loneliness.
10:21Your loneliness is not just biological.
10:25It is social, industrial, commercial, religious, political.
10:34The entire world has a stake in making you feel lonely.
10:40What would, for example, a restaurant prefer?
10:49Three options.
10:52An entire family?
10:55At least a couple?
10:57Or somebody like him?
11:00Please tell me.
11:02Family.
11:03Family.
11:04And if not a family, then at least a couple?
11:10Why would the cafe owner want you to understand your loneliness?
11:17He would rather want your feeling of loneliness to be deepened?
11:25Seen how they advertise?
11:27It's a family entertainer.
11:30Seen how bachelors face trouble?
11:36Even affording flats?
11:39Normal places to rent?
11:42Everybody has a stake in doubling you.
11:51Then quadrupling you.
11:58What would the politician want?
12:01The entire family?
12:03Converted?
12:04You know, he comes, for example, to canvas in your region.
12:09Who would you rather speak to?
12:12A family?
12:14Or a bachelor?
12:21All the so-called religious zealots.
12:28He stands in front of them and says, you know, here I am.
12:33All single.
12:34Free.
12:35Ready to mingle anywhere.
12:38They would hate him.
12:40They would say, you are the reason why our population is drinking.
12:45Go get a litter of five.
12:51These days they are advising me.
13:07So, you are coming up with this Gita movement.
13:12We see it is a good thing, but it will die down.
13:17Because all these young people who are coming to you, you know, if they remain single,
13:25who will carry your mission forward?
13:31You must tell them, you know, yeah.
13:42What will you do with a woman?
13:50What?
13:51Keep the fluffy emotion aside.
13:54What exactly will you do with her?
13:56What is there?
13:58Half the audience here is women.
14:00What is special about them?
14:01Tell me.
14:02What is special about you?
14:07What?
14:10She is as ordinary as you are.
14:17There is nothing there.
14:19Nothing at all.
14:23Except a lot of cloudy, woolly, sentimental nonsense.
14:35You sleep daily?
14:50Do you?
14:52Ladies, do you sleep daily?
14:56What do you eat?
15:00Ladies, what do you eat?
15:05Do you visit the loo?
15:08Do you?
15:09You know.
15:11I am about to reveal a secret.
15:14Ladies, do visit the loo just like you.
15:25What exactly are you imagining?
15:26Please tell me.
15:27What exactly are you imagining?
15:28Please tell me.
15:32If you say there is a big sexual component, right?
15:40Probably that can be admitted on biological terms.
15:56Yes, there might be.
15:57But then you are not talking of loneliness as an episode.
16:01Right?
16:02Because a sexual episode lasts just a few minutes.
16:07You are talking of loneliness as a state, as a permanent condition.
16:12Now, will you have permanent sex?
16:16If loneliness is permanent, how can sex relieve it?
16:23Because you cannot have permanent or semi-permanent sex.
16:27No woman would be willing or even you don't have the stamina for that.
16:31So, you would continue to be lonely, right?
16:42Because sex would come and go.
16:45And now you are lying flat, still staring at the same ceiling.
16:51She is by your side, but you are staring at the ceiling.
16:55You are still as lonely.
17:01What will you do now?
17:06Ask all the husbands.
17:11And the wives, obviously.
17:20To begin with, you were lonely all by yourself.
17:25Now you are lonely with a partner.
17:29Lonely you still are.
17:32Right?
17:33And the second kind is worse.
17:35Is it not?
17:36Yes.
17:37To be lonely even with a partner.
17:45To be lonely even in a relationship.
17:48And mind you, your loneliness won't go away.
17:52Because loneliness is not the absence of a person, it is the presence of a belief.
17:59You destroy the other gender when you look at him or her through this lens of loneliness.
18:20The other person may have much to offer as a person.
18:30But the other will fail to offer anything as a plug.
18:35You don't look for a person.
18:36You don't look for a person.
18:37You look for a plug.
18:38You understand a plug?
18:39No, not just a charge.
18:40Something that would, for example, plug a hole.
18:41A fill.
18:42A fill.
18:43Yes, a fill.
18:44You look at the other as a fill.
18:48As a person.
18:49As a person, the other can potentially be nice, wonderful, good.
18:55All those are probably possible.
18:56But as a plug, no person will ever suffice or succeed.
19:02Because nobody can plug into a belief successfully.
19:03Had there been a real void, maybe somebody could have plugged it.
19:09But there is no real void.
19:10All that exists is a belief.
19:11All that exists is a belief.
19:12All those are probably possible.
19:13But as a plug, no person will ever suffice or succeed.
19:17Because nobody can plug into a belief successfully.
19:24Had there been a real void, maybe somebody could have plugged it.
19:31But there is no real void.
19:32All that exists is a belief.
19:43The man or the woman can be befriended.
19:48But the moment you start looking at that person romantically, you have killed the whole thing.
20:01If you are with someone and you perceive that look in their eyes, run away.
20:06And that look cannot be missed.
20:09You can easily identify it.
20:24This is not the look of a lover.
20:26This is the look of a butcher.
20:31Looking at you this way, you are being charmed and the knife is being sharpened behind the back.
20:40The knife is being charmed.
20:46But how you love it when you are looked at this way?
20:51That's what loneliness is, right?
20:57Somebody to give me that look.
21:00What will you do with that look?
21:05Okay, tell me.
21:06What will you do with that look?
21:10What will you do?
21:12How many of you have received that look at least once in life?
21:21You haven't.
21:22Not even once.
21:27What kind of am I in existence?
21:37What did you get from that look?
21:40Two kids.
21:41Two kids.
21:42Two kids.
21:43Two kids.
21:48That should also tell me it's an evolutionary tactic.
22:01Right?
22:02And evolution doesn't care for individual members of our species.
22:10Evolution only cares for the whole, the aggregate.
22:15What happens to your individual quest for liberation?
22:20Evolution gives two hoods to that.
22:24Individually, you might be trying to be liberated.
22:31But evolution will tell you, no, no, you are lonely.
22:34You get hold of a girl and get two kids.
22:37Can't you see that?
22:43What happens to you?
22:47Nacharji, once we start to see the falls, right?
22:50And we start to see the falls in others.
22:52And now we can't explain them that they are living in the falls.
22:57I don't know what that feeling is that I don't know it's sadness or being lonely.
23:03Also, we start to see the falls in us as well.
23:07So that being in that state also, I don't know.
23:10Also, I don't know.
23:11I don't know what I'm hinting at.
23:14You're happy.
23:16That is fine.
23:19Yes, continue.
23:20What I'm saying is, we study that we are seeing false conditionings.
23:25We see the falls in the world, right?
23:27In our close ones, in our family.
23:29We can't explain them.
23:31We can't say that this is the conditioning.
23:33That's how you are living.
23:35That embels some sadness in me or being that also gets some lonely feeling in me.
23:42At the same time, we also see the falls in, I also see the falls in myself, right?
23:48Yeah.
23:49So that kind of state, it kind of, I don't know what to do.
23:52Then you're talking of something else.
23:54You're talking of that particular sadness, that feeling of helplessness, or sudden resignation,
24:02right?
24:03What do I do?
24:04I want to tell something but the other cannot comprehend.
24:07That feeling you're talking of.
24:08At the same time, because I see the falls in me, I'm not changing.
24:11Who's not changing?
24:12You or me?
24:13Me also.
24:14I feel hypocritical to say that they are not changing from their false conditioning.
24:23Then do not convey it as a lived experience.
24:27Convey it at least as a principle you admire and be clear.
24:37Because mind you, the ego is a range.
24:40Within that range, you might be operating at that point, right?
24:45But you do know of a principle to be admirable.
24:49Convey it to others, what you know of as admirable just as a principle, not as your own lived experience.
24:58Be clear.
24:59I do not yet abide by what I am telling you.
25:03That could be the wording.
25:05I do not yet live what I am suggesting to you.
25:09But honestly, since I admire what I am telling you, therefore I am sharing.
25:17I am not yet there.
25:18But I want to be there.
25:20And I am sharing with you what I admire.
25:22And that's why I want to be there.
25:26Otherwise, you will be putting a rather tough constraint on yourself.
25:31You will be saying, unless it is totally a lived thing, I will not proceed to share.
25:39Which is undoubtedly very, very honest of you.
25:44But that would reduce your usefulness to others.
25:49You are saying, I will wait for 20 years.
25:52And only when I am fully sure that I am absolutely living it, will I proceed to share with others.
25:59No.
26:01Thank you, sir.
26:02My name is Vibhor.
26:03And I am living in Bangalore for the past few years.
26:20As asked by the fellow participants about loneliness.
26:23So my question is a follow-up question.
26:26So my question is like in modern cities like Bangalore, marrying, living in relationship, or staying single are seen as equal and available option.
26:39Yet people remain lonely and scared of commitment.
26:43So how should a young person follow the right path, whether to marry or stay single or live in a relationship?
26:51That's my question.
26:53There is no right path in this.
26:59And you are talking of the young person, young alright, nevertheless an adult.
27:06Right?
27:0725, 30 something.
27:08Even 18 is an adult.
27:0935.
27:10How old are you?
27:1130, sir.
27:1230.
27:13So, who is anybody else to tell you what kind of relationship to have with another adult?
27:36I don't have a locust and I or any say in that.
27:48None at all.
27:49All I can say is operate from the right center within and be honest to what you already know.
28:03After that, whether you choose to just live together or get married or get separated, that's your personal domain.
28:13Nobody should have any say in that.
28:18In fact, it's very indecent, very vulgar for a third person to comment on the relationship, the intimate relationship between two other individuals.
28:35Just as I wouldn't want you to peep into what I may call as personal in my life.
28:46Similarly, I won't want to get into what is the purely personal, which is the physical domain of your life.
28:58Right?
28:59What does spirituality or wisdom have to do with, for example, whether you like red or green?
29:11It looks at the center of choice.
29:21Right?
29:22Not…
29:24It doesn't dictate the object to be chosen.
29:28It doesn't dictate the kind of relationship to be had with the object.
29:35But we are often very submissive people.
29:37We allow external forces to determine our life, our work, our actions and our relationships and our intimacy.
29:50Don't we?
29:54Look at those who are fatalistic.
29:56Look at those who go to astrologers, for example.
29:58What are they saying?
29:59They are saying some power out there will decide everything about my life.
30:04Now with that kind of approach, obviously, the one you live with or get physical with or marry, would also be decided by an external power.
30:18You have allowed the external to have a say in the very inner domain of your life.
30:29If love is really something that relates to your very core, how can the world be allowed to interfere in that?
30:40Yes, the world can have a say in the outer things.
30:44Definitely.
30:46But not in the inner things.
30:51Inside the world has to be kept at bay.
30:54Stay away.
30:55Stay away.
30:56Not only should you not allow anybody to interfere, you should also not ask for advice in these matters.
31:10Neither ask for advice nor offer advice.
31:15Unless somebody comes for the sake of clarity itself.
31:21And clarity is a different thing.
31:23Clarity is not relationship advice.
31:28You are an adult, right?
31:3030 year old.
31:33You take care of your life.
31:41When two people are together,
31:44is it decent for a third one to hang around masking you?
31:49Is it decent?
31:51When you are with someone, would you want somebody else to be needlessly circling you?
31:58Or trying to intervene?
32:00Would you enjoy that?
32:10You must have the clarity and the courage.
32:13To not let the world have a say in certain things.
32:19I have no problem with what young people are doing.
32:26But I have a problem if the young people are acting out of their darkness.
32:32The problem would not be with their action.
32:37The problem would be with their centre.
32:40Yes, that's where I would want to say something.
32:44Sir, you are entering a relationship because of your loneliness.
32:50Because of your flawed concepts.
32:53Because of your unexamined desires.
32:55And this won't proceed well for you.
32:58Yes, this much I would say.
32:59But this is addressed to their centre.
33:04Not to their decision.
33:06Not to their relationship.
33:07Not to their partner in particular.
33:14And when it is addressed to their centre, it is not only about one relationship with
33:18one object.
33:19Not it is about your relationship with all the objects you have in your life including
33:24the table, the chair, the shoes, everything.
33:28You are not operating from the right centre.
33:30Therefore, all your choices will be flawed.
33:33It's not about the man or woman you have chosen to be with.
33:40At the core of all of this, is the fear of sex.
33:48Great fear of sex.
33:51But please tell me, for you to be greatly afraid of something, first of all, that thing must be great.
34:03Why are you turning sex into a huge thing?
34:13It's a petty thing.
34:15Keep it at its place.
34:17Don't make it such a big issue.
34:22There are far more important things in life.
34:31There are far bigger matters to be concerned about.
34:35Why are you so afraid of sex?
34:37Why do you turn it into an obsession?
34:40Somebody is obsessed in terms of having sex.
34:45Somebody is so obsessed with celibacy.
34:50I am a brahmachari, I will not have sex.
34:56It's almost like, not really equally, but almost like being obsessed with constipation.
35:05That's the biggest thing in life.
35:08Whether or not I am smooth at the loo.
35:12What's so huge about it?
35:15Hmm?
35:20Like somebody, very carefully, very meticulously, daily recording the colour of the poop.
35:32And the weight.
35:35Why are you turning it into such a big thing?
35:40There is nothing in it.
35:43And when there is nothing in it, there is nothing in it to be obsessed with either.
35:50By saying there is nothing in it, I am not being randomly permissive.
35:56When there is nothing in it, you get obsessed with it.
36:00You are obsessed with sex in the first place because the society has made it into a big thing.
36:07Oh, it's a big thing.
36:08It's a big thing.
36:11What's big about it?
36:14When we are so small, what in our life can be really big?
36:19The fellow himself is petty.
36:22How can sex be big for him?
36:25If you are petty, your sex will be pettier than you, right?
36:32It's happening everywhere in the animal kingdom.
36:37What's so novel about it?
36:41That man, that girl, he visits her every Saturday.
36:54This fellow is almost at the edge of enlightenment.
37:06If he can crack the code and discover what the two are doing together in that room, there
37:19would be a sudden burst of light and he will be enlightened.
37:25This ordinary man, this ordinary woman, what can the two of them do in a room?
37:36Not space travel?
37:38And they are not discussing nuclear physics?
37:44What is there to get so excited about?
37:57As young adults, find higher things to occupy yourself with.
38:12Sex is neither great nor evil.
38:24It is a non-issue.
38:27It is a very peripheral part of your being.
38:31And let it remain there.
38:34Don't drag it to the centre.
38:44Do you get this?
38:48Let it remain there.
38:49And forget it.
38:51The body, Prakrate, have a way of relating with a gender.
39:03The opposite gender.
39:05Your job is to choose the right person irrespective of the gender, irrespective of whether you are buying
39:18a shirt or a hanky or you are choosing a man or a woman, a young person, an old person.
39:25Doesn't matter what you are choosing.
39:28Your job is to choose the right one.
39:34And then if sex happens, it happens.
39:38Now what is certain is that if the sexual process does initiate, it is with the right person.
39:47Your job is not to look around for sex.
39:51Your job is to operate from the right centre so that only the right person enters your life.
39:59And when that right person enters your life, if sex has to happen, it will happen.
40:04If it doesn't have to happen, it won't happen.
40:09You have better things to do in life.
40:11Right?
40:12Right?
40:13Yes, sir.
40:14Right.
40:21Thank you, sir.
40:23Thank you, sir.
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