00:00After leaving the Essence Festival, I want to have a new attitude in my work environment.
00:04What advice can you give me about how to deal with co-workers that have a hard time doing their job so I can do mine?
00:11Quit! Quit! No, I don't quit. You want me?
00:14So, so, be thorough.
00:18So the number one thing is, for this, always advise, is to be yourself because everyone else is already taken.
00:25Number one, be yourself because everyone else is already taken.
00:32And when you start with that, a lot of anxiety goes away.
00:35So my wife get on my nerves.
00:38Right, come on, right.
00:39But, but she gets, it's the vice versa, right?
00:42Like, it's the same thing.
00:43But when we finally figured out that what was triggering us was her not being who she is and me not being who I am,
00:50when I finally showed up the man I am, she could show up the woman she was, together we're still together.
00:56But what happens is you start being someone else.
01:00Yeah, jumping up. That was sweet.
01:02Anyway, you want to?
01:04Yeah, sure.
01:05So, in the workplace, we do tend to see a lot of high-performing people leaning into what we call masochism,
01:14which can make you put your...
01:15Say that word again.
01:16Masochism.
01:17Say masochism.
01:18We got new words.
01:19You ain't got to spell a test in years.
01:21Masochism, come on.
01:22Masochism.
01:22We can see that in our careers.
01:25We can see it at home, as parents, so it shows up in families, it shows up in friends, and it also shows up culturally.
01:32But in work spaces like this, it can cause you to over-perform and take on tasks that other people should be taking on,
01:39which can, you know, increase your stress levels.
01:41It can also put you at risk for something we call high-functioning depression.
01:45And so I would actually talk, I would consider engaging in therapy to learn ways to work through maybe talking to a supervisor in order to reduce some of those duties,
01:59expanded duties associated with things that aren't your role.
02:01Because a lot of those things we take on based on our identity, or because we are perfectionists, we think no one can do things as efficiently as we can.
02:11We're often right about that, right?
02:13But, like, those things make us, put us at risk for high-functioning depression, which can be very dangerous.
02:18Because what we see with high-functioning depression is that it increases your risk of low-functioning depression.
02:24And between the years of 2000 and 2017, black women between the ages of 10 to 24, their suicide deaths have increased 180%.
02:35So if you're at risk for high-functioning depression...
02:38Did y'all hear that? Suicide, 180% up.
02:42Yeah. So when you're, and back to that first question about when you're looking for therapists,
02:49high-functioning depression is not in our diagnostic and statistic manual,
02:53but there are therapists that understand clinically how to work in these settings to address that.
03:12So if you're, and back to that first question about how to work in these settings,
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