- 5 weeks ago
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00Two collective around wellness and self-love, and Laysha, you've led with integrity in corporate spaces for decades.
00:08But how did each of you discover that traditional metrics of success maybe quite weren't enough and you had to, it was time to do something different?
00:18I'm happy to start.
00:20You know, I really felt like it was important to define success and joy in my life and career, not just in my career.
00:30I think so often we were taught that, you know, climbing the corporate ladder was going to be the measure of success.
00:37A certain title was going to be the measure of success.
00:41But, you know, titles are rented.
00:43It's true.
00:44And the thing that ultimately will be my love letter to life will be the impact that I've had, how I've lifted up and supported others, made my community better, helped make my family better.
00:56And so in my book, Lead Like You Mean It, I really do talk about the importance of a holistic approach to your life and career and making sure that that approach is grounded in your purpose, particularly your personal purpose.
01:10And it just became clear to me as I joined a Fortune 500, quite frankly, a Fortune 30 company, that I needed to be very grounded in who I was and whose I was.
01:22Really important for me not just to know my company's purpose, but to know what my own purpose was and to find purpose congruence.
01:30And that really has allowed me to step into my purpose, to step into my power, and to have an impact at every age and stage of my life and do that with integrity and authenticity and not just be focused on me climbing some so-called corporate ladder.
01:46It's more like a jungle gym, in my opinion.
01:48Ups, downs, highs, lows, right?
01:50All the things.
01:51But to ensure that I was lifting as I was climbing and helping others along the way.
01:55Yeah, I think it's interesting you said there you had to think about not only who you are, but whose you are, too.
02:02And, like, that really struck me because I hadn't thought about it in that way in particular.
02:06Well, faith matters to me.
02:08And so, again, back to authenticity, things you don't talk about in corporate, to me that's a part of holistic well-being, which I talk about in the book.
02:14And faith for me is a component of that.
02:17And, in fact, at the end of my book, that last chapter, at the end it's called a benediction, which I think initially to my publisher and editor, they're like,
02:25A benediction?
02:26What's that?
02:27I'm like, it's exactly what it sounds like.
02:29So there are ways that you can bring what is important to you to what you do and who you are.
02:36And that's just, I think, a small but meaningful example.
02:39Yeah.
02:39Alexis, I'd love for you to answer this question, too.
02:41How did you discover that traditional metrics of success weren't quite enough and kind of took things into your own hands?
02:49Absolutely.
02:51I'm so inspired by your career, first of all.
02:54So I feel like we have so much to learn from you.
02:55But something that you said is about this, like, self-reflection and deciding what it means to you to have success and what your life looks like.
03:03And I think I'm a very ambitious person, and I'm sure a lot of people are.
03:07And so I was always sort of swept with the wind of, like, this is what you do to be successful.
03:11You go to this school.
03:13You get this job.
03:14You get this internship.
03:15You do this thing.
03:15And, like, you'll be successful.
03:17And then, obviously, I did all of that easy, and now I'm at, like, my dream job at 21, and I'm like, wait, I don't actually like this.
03:25Like, working at Google is kind of lame.
03:27I don't really enjoy it.
03:28And my manager is, like, a weirdo.
03:30And, like, am I even happy?
03:31Like, what's going on?
03:32And so I just found myself being, like, I'm supposed to be happy by these things.
03:36My friends, your friends start to notice, like, you act out in different ways when you don't, when you're not really fulfilled.
03:43They can, everybody can tell when you're not well, and, like, at least if you have good friends.
03:47And so I just felt like I was recognizing that getting the accolades wasn't fulfilling me, but I was so lost at where to look for otherwise because you ultimately realize it's within yourself.
04:03But that's when I started journaling is around that time in 2020 where I was really confused about where my future was going, really confused about who I was.
04:11And that is what sort of transformed my life and helped me start my content creator career, helped me start moving out.
04:18I moved over to work at YouTube, which was the dream job, actually, and then got my MBA at Wharton, which was all very aligned.
04:25But I wouldn't be able to do that if I wasn't checking in with myself every single day through journaling, particularly, and, of course, through my community and friends as well.
04:35So I have to say shout out to Alexis, who recently graduated MBA.
04:39Come on, congratulations.
04:41Six weeks ago, so let's give it up.
04:43Come on now, give it up for her.
04:45Congratulations.
04:45Major accomplishment, an amazing milestone.
04:48So worth recognizing.
04:49That's a lot of work.
04:50It was hard.
04:51She did that while writing her book.
04:53So I just think that's incredible.
04:55Yeah, and so I think that brings me, like, perfectly into the next question.
04:58Let's get real about burnout.
05:02Something we all go through, but what did it actually look like for you when you hit a wall and you were like, hey.
05:09I really need to do something, turn the switch off or turn to something different.
05:14How did you not only recognize what was happening, but then create change for yourself, especially, you know, working in C-suite level?
05:23That is a ton of work, a lot of responsibility.
05:25How did you kind of come back to recognize it and come back to yourself?
05:29That's a great question.
05:30I think burnout is real, and so often I think black women put on our super women cape and just take care of everything and everyone.
05:43But, you know, we may say black don't crack on the outside, but it can crack on the inside, and we're human.
05:49And being able to recognize that, for many of us, myself included, is difficult.
05:53I am, as my husband, I'm a tough old bird, and I just keep, you know, get up and keep moving.
05:59But I would say the time where it hit me the hardest was late in my career.
06:04You know, I spent 33 years at a Fortune 30 company.
06:07It was a $9 billion company when I started.
06:09By the time I left a year ago, it's over a $100 billion company with over 450,000 employees.
06:15And I was reporting to the CEO.
06:17It's intense, super intense, consumer-facing business.
06:20But it was after the murder of George Floyd, which happened in Minneapolis, where I was living and working.
06:27And the pandemic was raging at the same time.
06:31And it was a very intense time to both be running a business and to be in the world, particularly as a black person and a black woman and in a city that was at ground zero.
06:42Yeah.
06:43And it was taking its toll on me.
06:45And I was doing my part to tell everybody else, literally checking in all the time, doing all the best practices.
06:50How are you doing?
06:51How are you feeling?
06:52It's okay not to be okay.
06:54Classic do as I say do, not add I do.
06:57And I was actually falling apart on the inside.
07:00And I would get up in the morning when it was really starting to hit me hard.
07:06And I'd get in the mirror and I would practice asking myself those same questions.
07:12And at times I was fine, ready to take on the world.
07:17And other days I would literally ball, like just trying to hold my shit together.
07:24And that was difficult for me to come to the realization, you know, I'm human.
07:28I need help too.
07:30It's okay to ask for help.
07:32It's not a sign of weakness.
07:33It's actually a sign of strength.
07:35And where the rubber hit the road, I was on a Zoom.
07:38And, you know, how are you?
07:40How are you?
07:41How have you?
07:41And then somebody asked me, how was I?
07:44And I paused.
07:46And I will never forget it.
07:47I burst into tears, which is very unlike me.
07:50I'm not a crier.
07:51My husband's a crier.
07:52He's right here.
07:53But I am not.
07:55And I turned off the camera and wept.
07:59And I wiped it off.
08:01And I turned it back on.
08:03And I wept again.
08:05And then I said, you know what?
08:06I need to get off of this call.
08:09I need to give myself permission to take care of my pain or it's going to take care of me.
08:15And so just recognizing that and giving yourself permission to step away and ask for what you need.
08:22Take the time that you need.
08:23But that moment with George Floyd was the one that broke me.
08:29That was such a devastating time, I think, for everyone.
08:33And I can't imagine the pressure, especially at a C-suite level.
08:37So I think people handled that beautifully.
08:39And I'm happy that it's led to us being able to have more honest conversations about that.
08:44I can't say.
08:45I'm only 26.
08:47So I have no, like, major experience.
08:49I am old enough to be her mama.
08:50Lord have mercy.
08:52So I can never compare to what was taking place at this point.
08:56But my breaking point recently with burnout was in the winter of this past year.
09:04And during my first year at Wharton, I was a full-time influencer doing, like, over 50 brand deals.
09:10I did, I wrote this book, signed this deal, and was running a six-figure wellness company
09:18where we were collaborating with billion-dollar brands and was getting my MBA.
09:22First year of, like, the number one program.
09:24Light work.
09:24Light work.
09:25You know.
09:26And I did it.
09:27I did it.
09:27I woke up every day at 5 a.m.
09:29I did everything.
09:31I had a social life.
09:31I looked great.
09:32I did it all.
09:33And then I got this text from my sister this December.
09:36I was slowly just, like, not enjoying anything anymore.
09:40Like, editing a video.
09:41I would rather do anything else.
09:43Like, I didn't want, nothing I actually loved was bringing me joy anymore.
09:47But, you know, I was like, I'm pushing through it.
09:49Like, this is work.
09:50That's how you do it.
09:51And then I got a text from my 15-year-old sister.
09:53I'm the oldest of eight, okay?
09:55Too many.
09:57But she, I realized I hadn't checked in with her in, like, six months.
10:02And when you're 15, all you want is your big sister.
10:05All you want is someone to help you through the next, to the next thing.
10:09And I recognized, like, how badly I had wanted that, being the oldest.
10:13Like, never feeling like I was ever really guided anywhere.
10:16And so I recognized, like, I had to make a change in my life.
10:19Because you can't work five full-time jobs.
10:22You can't do it.
10:23You can do it for a second, but you cannot be fulfilled by it.
10:26And you'll lose whatever you really want because you won't be doing anything well.
10:30Like, none of the marketing for the business was perfect because none of my time was perfect.
10:35Like, there was never time to really do it all well.
10:38So that's when I learned the hard way, the art of prioritization.
10:42And so my last semester at school, my priority was my mental health, finishing school, and my friends.
10:47I didn't post for a couple of months.
10:49My manager said, girl, what's going on?
10:51And I said, my brain's not right.
10:53Like, I have to fix myself in order to be able to produce at that capacity that, yes, I'm capable of doing.
10:59But it needs to be directed in an intentional way.
11:02And so that's really the mission of, I think, Two Smart Friends is coming back to what are my intentions?
11:07Because when you lose sight of those because you have so much going on, that's when you actually start to break.
11:13And it's very tough to prioritize, but it's way more fulfilling and long-lasting in the end.
11:19I love the conversation on prioritization.
11:22The thing I wanted to piggyback on, in the book, I talk about the strategic yes and the strategic no.
11:28Love that.
11:29Because so often we're saying yes to everything, and we should be saying yes to the right things,
11:34but saying no to the things that aren't for us, that aren't aligned with our purpose,
11:39so that you can make space for the things that matter most.
11:41So I love that at this stage of your life and career, you've already made that discovery, that realization.
11:47Like, a hard way.
11:48No, but it's the...
11:49I mean, but sometimes that's necessary, right?
11:50Sometimes you do have to learn the hard way to come out on the other side and know that,
11:54okay, I have to do things differently.
11:56What would you say are some tips for us, right, and the audience to learn how to say yes strategically
12:02or say no when needed?
12:04How can we do that better?
12:05You know, again, for me, I always stay grounded in my purpose.
12:08Is where I'm spending my time and energy aligned with my purpose?
12:13If it's not aligned and it's not adding value, then it gets to move into the no column or the not now column, right?
12:20So it becomes a filter through which I make decisions.
12:23And then for me, I also borrowed some practices that were best practices from my professional career.
12:29So in a big company, we have what we call an LRP, a long-range plan, right?
12:34Strategy plan, three to five years out, ten years out, or an AOP, an annual operating plan.
12:40I took that same framework and applied it to my life.
12:44So my husband and I have a life and career plan.
12:48Love that.
12:48Long-range plan.
12:49So literally over 25 years ago, we started to say, you know, what were our long-term goals professionally and personally?
12:57One of mine was by the time I was 50 or 55, I wanted to retire from my corporate gig while I was young enough and healthy enough to have other opportunities that were of interest to me to be the priority.
13:10Now, it didn't mean I wasn't doing some of those other side hustles in real time, too.
13:13But I wanted to be financially secure in a way that we could do other things.
13:19And so we built a long-range plan.
13:21We worked that plan.
13:23We prayed for it, acted on it, did it.
13:25And we announced that I was retiring at 55.
13:30My last day was right after I turned 56.
13:34And now we're in this next season, next chapter of our lives and career interests on our own terms that we got to design, a life design for us, by us.
13:47But there was a plan.
13:48Faith and action.
13:50Faith and action are what's required.
13:52I'm getting my LRP together.
13:55LRP and AOP.
13:56And AOP.
13:57Because your annual plan, you back up into that long-range plan.
14:00And then you make adjustments.
14:00Because I have the AOP, but now this LRP, I've got to get into more practice now.
14:05But thank you for, like, actually breaking that down for us, right?
14:09I think that is really important for us to know that there's, like, actionable ways to create these things within our lives.
14:15But you have to plan in order for it to come to pass.
14:18And take partners.
14:19We can't know everything.
14:20So build your kitchen cabinet, your personal and professional board of directors, because they can help you build the plan and work the plan.
14:26Yeah, thank you.
14:27My friends and I were just doing this yesterday.
14:30My two friends who are here with me, we were like, we've got to lock in if we want what we really want.
14:35And honestly, like, having this, hearing this, it's exactly what we needed.
14:39Right on target, right on doing the things.
14:42I want to come to you with the next question.
14:43Because you talked about prioritizing.
14:46And how you really had to, like, focus on prioritizing certain things to get through school, to make things happen, and to just kind of be okay for yourself.
14:56But there's often guilt around prioritizing pleasure and joy, especially when you're a high-achieving woman.
15:03So how do you give yourself permission to rest and be joyful, have fun with your friends, without feeling guilty or feeling like you're being selfish, but giving yourself space to replenish?
15:16Oh, my gosh.
15:16It's very difficult when you are someone who wants to do it all, because you are going to prioritize that over relationships sometimes.
15:24Which I also can find to be where you get to the other side of it, and you don't have anyone to enjoy anything with.
15:31Like, and that's where you kind of recognize, actually, like, relationships, friendships are what's most important to me.
15:37So I think that that became my priority, because I was very lonely growing up.
15:44Like, I went to boarding school, and so I was always, like, very much isolated.
15:48So it was hard for me to learn how to prioritize, you know, pleasure or joy or anything else, because it was like, let's just grind.
15:53And we can get out of here.
15:55We get out of here.
15:56But you can run from something for a very long time.
15:59But then you get to a point where you're, what am I running to?
16:02And you have to run to a joyful life that's full of fun.
16:06What's the point of working if you aren't enjoying what you get?
16:10You know what I mean?
16:11So, I mean, for me, the prioritization is still hard, because I always am comparing myself and thinking that I should be doing better.
16:20And that's where I think I run into more issues is in that side of, like, what's good enough for me versus what should I be doing and all of that.
16:30So I find that where I have learned how to prioritize is by asking myself, what's the point of all of this?
16:36And having that North Star, sort of what you said here, of, like, what's that purpose in my life that's going to fill up joy and confidence for me long term?
16:43Yeah, thank you.
16:44I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability here, right?
16:47Just sharing, like, not only where you do well, but where you also kind of fall short sometimes.
16:52Because I think that transparency is important in the conversation.
16:55And as we really think about work-life balance and making sure that that exists, how does that actually look in your daily lives?
17:04Like, how do you kind of, if there's an off day, how do you kind of come back to finding that balance?
17:10How is it a continual kind of, like, work in progress?
17:14What are some tips that you use?
17:16You know, it's, I actually don't believe in work-life balance.
17:18I think it's a bunch of BS, right?
17:20Okay, talk about it.
17:21It's not, right?
17:22I just think it's about finding integration over time, right?
17:27Everything isn't going to be aligned all of the time.
17:30Sometimes I would feel like my work life was moving along really well and I was quite effective, but I was falling apart at home, right?
17:39Hot mess at home.
17:40Or perhaps I was doing better in my personal life and was off at work.
17:45And so I've just tried to think about a life well lived over time and know that there is going to be some misalignment, which frees me up from this thought that we have to be perfect and that there is such a thing as being in constant balance.
18:02And so I think about it, progress over perfection.
18:06Give yourself permission to make progress and give up on perfection.
18:10It just doesn't exist.
18:11And it's okay.
18:12I like that you said progress over perfection, but then also that you're not trying to find the balance.
18:18You're working to integrate these things into your life.
18:21I think that's really important for all of us to remember.
18:23I think routines are very important for me, but I would say that those routines have to be able to evolve over time.
18:31Yeah, a little flexibility.
18:32Yeah, and you've got to know what works for you.
18:35For me, if I don't have an hour to myself in the morning to journal, to walk, to do whatever, by 2 p.m., there's a crash out and it's loading and something is going to happen.
18:44Like, you have to know yourself.
18:46And so I think I agree with you.
18:48No world in which there's work-life balance.
18:50Like, why was I offered, like, five of my dream opportunities the same year?
18:53Like, that doesn't make sense.
18:54So it's very difficult, but I really love the overtime because I can even get caught up with, like, oh, I'm not doing it all right now.
19:01But you forget there's so much life to live, and that takes that pressure off because work-life balance is just telling you you should be doing everything well.
19:09You can't.
19:10I love how she mentioned routines because in my work, I could be very organized because it was required, right?
19:17And I often say that process can be sexy.
19:20It doesn't sound sexy, but those routines can actually be empowering because it gives you and your team the tools that they need to do the work well, to have things come to life effectively.
19:32And it's sort of freedom in a framework that I then try to apply to some extent to my personal life, but I'm more organized at work than I am at home, if I'm being honest.
19:44And that's the peanut gallery.
19:45My husband's saying, yes, you are.
19:48Nobody asked you.
19:50As my mother would say, telling all my business in public.
19:54It's true.
19:57But we appreciate the honesty.
19:59That's what we need today, to really make sure that we're getting these practical tips to apply to our own lives, and not reminding ourselves that we really don't have to be perfect.
20:08We just need to make the progress every single day.
20:11And talk a little bit about how, in each of your books, you lay out some practical tips and practices for how we can maintain joy and prevent burnout.
20:24Because we know that both books are chock full of some of these examples, and I want our audience to know a little bit more about those.
20:30So let's start with you, Alexis.
20:32Absolutely.
20:32So my main goal with this journal was not that it would be something you would open and do a couple pages of and then throw away.
20:39And I didn't want it to also just be, oh, time for self-reflection.
20:43So the second half of the book is to create frameworks for yourself and a personal handbook for how to respond to issues that will show up in your life.
20:52So it's creating, like, your ideal morning routines.
20:55And something I love in it is the four types of rest.
20:57So I started feeling like, okay, I don't know if all of these, like, self-care things are all something that I need all the time.
21:06Like, do I need to have a massage every week to be, like, self-care?
21:09Who knows?
21:09Or maybe you do.
21:11Maybe.
21:12I don't know.
21:12Maybe.
21:12I mean, that's my personal choice.
21:14So I whittled it down into rest.
21:17It has, like, four categories of rejuvenation, pampering, rotting, which is, like, laying in bed and doing nothing because I truly believe that is, like, self-care.
21:27And, you know, these things all, I think, go back to you.
21:30You need to create a list for yourself to go back to when you are incredibly unwell.
21:35When you get to a place that's been a terrible week at work and you're like, what do I need right now?
21:39You might need to work out in that rejuvenation category and go to the grocery store.
21:43You might need to book yourself a massage.
21:44Or you might need to lay in bed for two days and not talk to anybody and just watch Love Island.
21:49So, honestly, I think those types of frameworks, they require some reflection, though, because it's really sitting with what actually makes me feel good.
21:56So I love that you can write those out, come back to it at any point.
21:59And that's something I do every day, including today.
22:04Love that.
22:05I would share in my book, I wanted the entire book to be a companion in your life and leadership journey, right?
22:11Life is a journey.
22:12And so each chapter has a set of reflection questions for the reader.
22:16So it's full of stories about some of my successes and my failures and done in a way, though, that allows the reader to reflect on their own life and career journey so that you can take away what you need in this moment and or leverage that with the people that you're mentoring or sponsoring in your own life.
22:33And well-being is an integrated component of the conversation of the book.
22:39And so things like an important part of well-being for me is just thinking about holistic well-being.
22:48It's physical, mental, spiritual community, right?
22:53That social network, but also financial, something that we don't talk about enough, in my opinion.
23:00So really thinking about holistic well-being.
23:02And then having not only a development plan, because at work the development plan often has, you know, what are the areas that are your strengths?
23:12What are the areas that you need to build on that are deficits?
23:15Have a care plan as a part of your development plan so that that investment in you is something that, yes, you can do outside of work, but it becomes an expectation for those that you're working with as well.
23:27So that that is built into what you're going to do and what they're going to be a partner with you in as well, because we will do our best work when we're first investing in ourselves.
23:36Yeah.
23:36And I love that you're giving me all the plans today.
23:39You're getting me right together with all of the plans.
23:41But I really appreciate the fact that we're talking not just about how you do it, but how there are the practical ways in which all of us here can apply it to our lives and literally use tools to help us get there.
23:55So I want to wrap up here.
23:58Audience, you guys have been having a good conversation, good tips, good takeaways.
24:02Come on, clap it up for these amazing ladies.
24:05So I want to take a question here that speaks to our audience.
24:08We've been giving them great tips.
24:09We've been talking about the books.
24:11But for anyone here who may be feeling stuck right now between where they are and where they want to be, maybe they're successful on paper, but feeling a little bit empty inside.
24:21Maybe they're doing great at work, but like you said, at home, they're still trying to figure out how do I show up in that space at home as my full self?
24:29What do you say or what advice can you give for the first step forward they can take to creating a more purpose-driven, joyful life?
24:39How can they get started?
24:42Got to sit with yourself.
24:44And I think it's time to ask hard conversations.
24:46I had to do this recently after graduating from Morton.
24:49Like, what am I doing next?
24:51And you don't want to approach it.
24:52You don't want to think about it.
24:53You don't want to, like, admit there's that one thing you've been doing that you know you don't want to, you know, admit is wrong for you.
25:00And so for me, it's about self-reflection at every point because you can avoid that for a long time.
25:07But all the answers are within you.
25:09So you don't need to go anywhere else for them.
25:11I mean, you have your community, chat with people.
25:13There's plenty of books that can spark things within you.
25:15But if you're not going to sit and ask yourself, hey, what's truly in here?
25:19What do I truly want?
25:20What do I truly need?
25:22You're not going to move from the place you're in next.
25:24So don't forget, you're too smart.
25:26You have it all in you.
25:27You're too smart for everything that's going wrong in your life.
25:30You can make the changes and you can get to the place you want to be.
25:34You can make the changes and you can get to the place you want to be.
25:36Love that.
25:37Thank you for that.
25:38Okay, coming to you.
25:39Briefly, what I'd say is, you know, so often I'm asking people, do you believe in yourself?
25:44They struggle.
25:46You think it would be a really fast yes.
25:48And there's a pause.
25:50So my advice when you're stuck, who better to bet on and believe in than you?
25:57Remember that you are worthy.
26:00When you remember you're worthy, it sets the pace for others to believe and know that you're worthy as well.
26:06Right?
26:07So it's not just believing in yourself.
26:09It's knowing who you are deep down.
26:11It's showing up with confidence and telling your story and standing in your power.
26:15And it's back to what I said before, investing in your holistic well-being.
26:20Because when we're investing in ourselves and taking care of ourselves,
26:22we're better positioned to not only make sure that we are successful,
26:27but that we're also paying that forward and helping others to be successful as well.
26:32So bet on you.
26:34Believe in you.
26:36And all things are possible.
26:38Ladies, thank you.
26:39Yes, please don't be afraid to give a round of applause for this really insightful, impactful conversation.
26:47And Laysha Ward, I want to thank you.
26:50Alexis, I want to thank you as well for your time this morning.
26:54This was fantastic.
26:56And thank you for just...
26:57Thank you for sitting with me this morning.
27:01I really appreciate how much practical information our audience got today.
27:05And I want to share with you that these beautiful ladies will be signing copies of their books.
27:11So please stick around.
27:12Support will be going to my right or just around the corner.
27:16And they'll be setting up with their books to sign.
27:20Please purchase.
27:21Please support.
27:22Again, my name is Melissa Noel.
27:23I'm the senior news and travel editor here at Essence.
27:26It's been wonderful to sit down with you this Sunday afternoon.
27:30Please continue to enjoy the rest of your Essence Festival.
27:33And thank you so much for being here.
27:35Take care.
27:36Thank you, guys.
28:12You
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