- 9 hours ago
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00Well, I'm really glad to be here. This is a really important topic because we know right now so many of us are not only caring for children, but we're also caring for aging parents. And when you're stuck in the middle, you don't have any place to go. But what I want to talk to you about is how to make time and how to take time for yourself, even in the midst of caregiving.
00:23So let's talk a little bit about the data. I'm going to come over here. What the data says about who are our caregivers. So what we know that most caregivers are women. And we also know that women tend to be the health care brokers for their families. Who makes the appointments for the doctor's visits? Who makes sure everybody gets their vaccination? Who makes sure that people take that medication once they get it? Who even puts the medication in the pill holders?
00:53For the most part, it's women. And we know we are really good at taking care of everybody else but us. Isn't that true?
01:01What's happening right now is you should be getting some cards that are coming through. Are you getting the cards?
01:08Okay, take as many of those cards as you want to. We'll talk about them before we leave.
01:14What we also know is those people that are caregivers are also working. So it's not like you're just sitting at home and taking care of folks.
01:21You're doing this in addition to your 9 to 5. So this is an added weight that many women are taking on and that they're carrying.
01:30We recognize that the age is mostly baby boomers. Folks like me that were born in the 60s, 60s, right?
01:38So it's those of us that already have cared for and raised children and now are caring for aging parents as well as children.
01:46So we know that the cost of caregiving has gone up. Why? Because there's so many medications, there's so many specialists, there's so many added features that are needed for caregiving and the processes.
02:00But what we know is that as a demand for providing care has gone up, so has the stress that goes along with providing care. It's also gone up.
02:10But it's impacting people in a very negative way. What we know ultimately is those that are caring for others often not only not take care of themselves, but they don't even put themselves on a to-do list.
02:26So what often happens is those that are caregivers often get sicker than the person they're caring for and often die before the person that they're caring for.
02:36Isn't that sad? This is a place where you say yes. It's really sad.
02:41So the dilemma is that caregivers don't care for themselves. And I would just like to take a poll and ask for the women in the room, I'm going to get to you two men, but for the women in the room, this week, how much time have you given to taking care of yourself?
03:01Did she get your nails done? Did she get your feet done? Did she get a massage? Did she eat good? At least one salad?
03:11How much water did she drink? Okay, I see some head nodding, but ultimately I see that we have all opportunity to do better. Isn't that right?
03:20So y'all going to have to nod for me. I'm also a preacher, so you don't have to say amen, but you do have to respond, okay?
03:30So when I began to do this presentation, I just kept thinking about that song, I'm not your what? I'm not your superwoman.
03:41But what we do know is that daily women get up, we do our hair, we get our makeup done, we put on our clothes, and then somehow we pick up a cape.
03:53Now it's invisible, but we put this cape on, and this cape makes us think that we're invincible, that our immune system will not run out, that we will have an endless supply of energy, that we will continue doing things over and over for others.
04:10But that invisible cape does not protect us.
04:14It's time to drop the cape. This is the closest I could get to a cape today, but it's time to drop the cape because we need you.
04:26If you die, what happens to that person that you're caring for? If you die, what happens to the children? If you die, what happens to that person that you are putting so much time and investment in?
04:38We need you. We need you. We need you to survive, and more importantly, we need you to take better care of yourself so you can survive.
04:46I did have music on here, but we have more music than we ever needed in life. But it is to recognize that we have to stop thinking that we can do more than we can.
05:02It's only 24 hours in a day. How many times do you work, work, work, and then when you lay down, your brain is still going.
05:10You're thinking about all the things you didn't do, the things that you miss doing, and your brain does continue to work.
05:17Even while you're sleeping, your brain is in the problem-solving mode, and often if you go to sleep with problems on your mind, you can wake up with solutions.
05:25But the issue is that you never stop, which is why, did you get those cards? I'm just asking.
05:32What I want you to know that you did is that you took time. Did you recognize that you took time?
05:38So I want you to take those cards, put it in your wallet, in your back pocket, or whatever, and I'm going to tell you what I want you to do with it a little bit later.
05:50So I want to give you five strategies that you can use to help drop the cake.
05:58Set boundaries. So I want you to raise your right hand. For real. Say, I will. Set boundaries. And keep them. Okay.
06:11Because, you know, if you set a boundary, which means, I'm not going to let anybody disturb this next hour, or I'm going to take Friday off for me.
06:20All it takes is that one person that your heart is really soft toward to ask you, can you, will you, I need you to, and what will we do?
06:30We'll drop those boundaries and we'll do it for them. But why won't we do it for ourselves? Just a moment. Just think about that.
06:39Why don't we do it for ourselves? The importance of boundaries. I can give you 30 ways to say no without hurting somebody's feeling.
06:51Don't make them take you to that 31 point. So some of the things that you can say as you learn that new language of how to say no is,
07:01I can't do that, but I can do this. You can say, not today, maybe tomorrow. You can say, that'll have to wait to a better time.
07:14Or you can say, no, not now. And when you really get good at it, you can just say, no, it's okay.
07:22I need you to know that the word no is not a cuss word. And it needs not to be a foreign word. It needs to be a word that we're willing to use more.
07:33So let's practice it. Can you do this for me? Can you do this for me? How about that? Can you do that for me?
07:44You're saying yes, you gotta say no. Okay, we need to practice saying no more. What no means is I choose me first.
07:55Now, you know what I'm about to tell you about the airplane. What do they always tell you to do?
08:00If you hit tribulation and the Air Max falls down, what are you supposed to do? Put it on yourself first.
08:09I have two good friends, Elaine Wright and Charlene Winston, and they made this statement that says,
08:16it takes me to take care of myself so that I can be of service to others.
08:22You can't help nobody if you're in the grave. So it takes me, repeat after me,
08:27it takes me to take care of myself so that I can be of service to others. Okay. All right.
08:40Hydrate. Sometimes I feel like a baby because I'm always carrying a bottle around with me.
08:47But when I tell you the importance of hydration cannot be understated.
08:52We've heard that several times in the sessions today. We don't drink enough water,
08:57and most Americans are living every day dehydrated. I want to talk to you about what dehydration does to you.
09:04Your body is really about 60% water, and if you start looking at the different parts of your body,
09:13you'll see that there are even more percentage of water. We tell you to drink about eight glasses of water a day,
09:19and that could be different for each person. So I'm going to come back to move.
09:23Your brain is about 80% water, and when you don't drink enough water, your brain suffers. Your muscles and your joints need water.
09:33So did you know a lot of the pain that women experience is based on the fact that we are dehydrated?
09:40Drinking, thank you for drinking your water. Drinking water really helps you with pain.
09:46How many of you have ever lost your keys? Okay, everybody needs to raise their hand.
09:52Thank you. How many of you are looking for your glasses and they're on your head?
09:57How many times does that happen? Literally, you can find yourself in a brain fog when you don't drink enough water,
10:04because think of your brain as like a sponge, and if you don't have enough water in it, then your thinking is not going to be clear.
10:12I'm going to tell you the truth. I don't know where my keys are right now.
10:15But I did drink a lot of water, I'm just saying.
10:20The next thing you want to do is move.
10:23A physical therapist once told me, motion is lotion.
10:28And what happens is when we don't move enough, our joints get set. It's like they get locked in place.
10:35And when you get up and move, someone said that standing is a form of exercise, just standing.
10:41I'm going to ask you all to stand up right now.
10:44Okay, now I want you just to walk in place while I talk through this motion, okay?
10:50Movement is important. It's important to keep your body fluid. And what happens is the more you move, the more your joints are lubricated and the less pain you'll be in.
11:04So, stretching is important. Now, I don't want you to hurt anybody, but move out a little bit so you can have some room.
11:11And I don't know if you're mad at your wife or your husband, but don't slap them and make me take the credit for it, okay?
11:17So, I just want you to stretch, stretch, because there's tendons and ligaments in between those joints.
11:24Don't you feel better when you stretch?
11:26Ooh, it's almost, well, I'm not even going to say what it feels like, but it feels good, doesn't it?
11:32Stretch, move your body. Move your back. You have discs in the middle of your spinal cord.
11:40And what happens is, when you're dehydrated, they get dehydrated, too. But when you stretch them, it's literally like giving them a second life.
11:48Don't you feel good? Y'all should pay me for that. Okay? Hula hooping. I just want you to move those hips.
11:56Okay, no x-rated movements now. But I am trying to say that your hips, very important. Keep those hips lubricated and keep those joints loose.
12:07That helps you. You can take a short, long, or medium walk, not right now, but whenever you walk.
12:14It doesn't have to be a long distance, but what it does is it reminds your body that you are alive.
12:20And additionally, even if you can't stand, you can sit in your chair and do chair exercises and stretch yourself,
12:28and you will feel so much better for it. Okay, you can have a seat. Y'all are a good audience.
12:35Breathe. This is one of the best things you can do for your body. Most of us don't take deep breaths. We take light breaths.
12:50But when you take a deep breath from your diaphragm, you literally bring air up to your brain.
12:56You bring oxygen into all of your cells. So I'm going to teach you how to breathe.
13:00Put both of your hands on your belly, right above your belly button. I want you to take a deep breath in through your nose.
13:06Hold it. Now blow out as hard as you can, like you're blowing a candle out. Deep breath in. Hold it.
13:18Blow it out like you're blowing a candle. Deep breath in. Hold it. Hold it. Blow it out.
13:28When you do that, you're sending oxygen into every one of your cells.
13:32Imagine that you're bringing that air up from your toes, blowing it out and bringing fresh oxygen in to your brain and all your body cells,
13:40and they will thank you for it. We don't breathe enough deeply.
13:46Now I want to talk about guided imagery, and a lot of people think that this is something mystical or it's hypnosis. It's not.
13:53I will tell you, I had a patient once that had an amputation of his leg from below his knee.
14:01And when he came back from surgery, they had him so pumped with morphine, and he was just screaming out in pain.
14:08And he said, Tony, my foot hurt. My foot hurt so bad. And his foot was gone. The issue was that there are nerve endings that still think that the body part is still there.
14:24So the body doesn't know that there's been an amputation. So in the process, what I had to do to him, because he was pumped with so much medication,
14:35the medication wasn't hitting him because he was in so much pain.
14:40So I had to talk to him for five hours. And yes, I can talk for five hours.
14:48But I had to talk to him to bring his pain level down so that the medication could work.
14:54And what I was ultimately able to do was to take him on a short vacation.
14:59So I'm going to give you an example of what that's like.
15:02Now, you may not be able to leave your loved one and go to a beach in the Bahamas or Jamaica or in the West Indies somewhere,
15:10but you can take a five minute break and go on a virtual vacation.
15:15So what I want you to do is I want you to sit up real tall in your chairs.
15:19I want you to place both of your feet firmly on the ground.
15:23I want you to rest your hands in your lap and I want you to close your eyes.
15:31I want you to listen to my voice.
15:33Listen to my voice.
15:37I want you to feel your feet on the ground.
15:43I want you to feel your back on the back of the seat.
15:49I want you to relax your shoulders. Drop them down.
15:54I want you to release your jaw. Just relax it.
15:59I want you to release that space right between your eyebrows.
16:04Just relax in that space.
16:06Now, I already taught you how to breathe.
16:08I want you to take a deep breath in.
16:11Blow it out through your mouth like you're blowing a candle.
16:15Deep breath in through your nose.
16:18Hold it and breathe out through your mouth.
16:22Keep breathing like that. Deep breath in. Blow it out.
16:29Deep breath in and blow it out.
16:33I want you to keep breathing like that and just keep listening to me.
16:38Deep breath in. Blow it out.
16:41I want you to imagine as you're breathing that you're on a beach and it's warm outside.
16:51Deep breath in. Blow it out.
16:55I want you to imagine that there's a light breeze blowing and in a distance you hear birds just talking real softly in the trees.
17:05Deep breath in.
17:07I want you to imagine that you feel the water coming up to your toes and it's warm.
17:15Deep breath in.
17:17I want you to imagine that the water is up to your ankles now and it feels very comforting.
17:24Deep breath in. Blow it out.
17:27I want you to imagine that the water is up to your knees now and it feels so soothing.
17:35Your knees are relaxed.
17:38Deep breath in.
17:40I want you to imagine that the water is coming up and you're just floating there.
17:45Just floating.
17:47Deep breath in and blow it out.
17:50And while you're floating, I want you to imagine that you see fluffy clouds in the sky.
17:57Deep breath in. Blow it out.
18:00And now, in the midst of those clouds, you see a red balloon.
18:06Deep breath in and blow it out.
18:10That balloon represents the one thing that's stressing you out the most now.
18:15Deep breath in and blow it out.
18:19I want you to blow that balloon with your next breath.
18:24And I want you to blow it on top of one of those big fluffy clouds.
18:28Deep breath in and blow it out.
18:32And your balloon has landed on the cloud.
18:36And that stressor is a little bit further away from you now.
18:39Deep breath in and blow it out.
18:42Next time you take a deep breath, I want you to blow that cloud further away from you.
18:48Deep breath in and blow it out.
18:53Take another breath and blow that cloud further away.
18:57Deep breath in and blow it out.
19:00You can barely see that cloud, barely see that red balloon.
19:05It's so far away from you now.
19:07Deep breath in and blow it out.
19:10That cloud is almost gone.
19:13And you're still floating in that warm water.
19:17Deep breath in and blow it out.
19:21And you feel more relaxed now.
19:25And that water is starting to recede now.
19:30Deep breath in and blow it out.
19:34The water is down to your toes again.
19:37Deep breath in and blow it out.
19:41And now you're laying there and you're more relaxed.
19:46And your breathing is wonderful.
19:49And you feel that warm breeze.
19:52And now I want you to come back slowly.
19:55I want you to feel the floor beneath you.
19:58I want you to feel your ankles.
20:01Feel your knees.
20:04Feel your back up against the chair.
20:08Your shoulders are still more relaxed.
20:12That space between your eyes is relaxed.
20:17And now I want you to slowly open your eyes when you're ready.
20:22How do you feel?
20:25Feel better?
20:27Feel more relaxed?
20:29Didn't cost you a dime.
20:32Didn't even need a passport.
20:35You can take a vacation whenever you need one.
20:38It's important for us to recognize that if we don't take care of ourselves,
20:44we're not going to be in any shape to take care of anybody else.
20:47You are so valuable.
20:49You are so important.
20:51And I believe that God gives his toughest jobs to his best soldiers.
20:57So if you are caring for someone now, I applaud you.
21:01And if nobody has said thank you to today, I want to say thank you for giving of yourself.
21:09Because it's important that we do be there for others.
21:13But it's more important that you are there for yourself.
21:16So I thank you for being with me today.
21:19I'm going to give you a stop.
21:21I've got a few minutes.
21:22And I'm going to give you a chance to ask me any questions that might help you in your caregiving process.
21:27Any questions?
21:31Yes.
21:33Have you ever given advice on how to get other family members healthy?
21:42Good question.
21:43The question is, have you ever given advice to other family members to help so it doesn't just fall on you?
21:50Anybody else been in that situation where you are the one?
21:54Okay.
21:55So if it hasn't been you, it's everybody.
21:57It's you are the people that need to be involved.
22:00Okay.
22:01So my perspective is this.
22:04That if you think and propose what life would be like without you.
22:11So suggest to them, if for some reason you all have worked me to death and I'm not here, what are you going to do?
22:22So I want to still participate, but I can't do this alone.
22:28And maybe you shouldn't say can't.
22:30Maybe you should say I won't do this alone.
22:32And maybe it is simply sharing the wealth.
22:36And it is maybe we can rotate this around.
22:39And I can take Mondays and Wednesdays and you can take Tuesdays and Thursdays.
22:44But I think if you give people an idea of life without you in the picture, then that's a reality check for them.
22:52Yeah.
22:53Any other questions?
22:54Yes, sir.
22:55How do you encourage family members to live a healthier lifestyle?
22:59How do you encourage family members to live a healthier lifestyle?
23:04Well, I will tell you living by example helps.
23:08My sister has hypertension and she absolutely drastically changed her life.
23:15She started exercising and she started eating better.
23:19And it actually shamed me.
23:22And literally seeing how much she was able to change and how much it improved her life made me want to do better.
23:30So I think when you live by example and people see how much better your life is when you've made those changes.
23:37And I think making subtle changes in the family.
23:39I remember, remember, you know, I don't know when we first started having turkey this and turkey that.
23:46But I remember that when I was still young and living at home, my mother changed and she made us spaghetti with ground turkey.
23:54And we didn't really notice as kids that it wasn't ground beef.
23:58But it was a healthier option.
24:00So I think making small changes helped.
24:03I had twin girls that were drinking high fructose corn syrup juices, the juice boxes, and wanted them to start drinking more water.
24:15So I developed what we call pretty water.
24:18And pretty water was fruit infused water.
24:21So it was lemons and limes and orange slices and mint.
24:26And so as little girls, they would take their lunch to school.
24:30And so the lunch ladies and the kids in their classes would say, what's all that stuff in your water?
24:36Why do you have grass in your water?
24:38And they started informing them what pretty water was.
24:42I would take them to the grocery store.
24:44And I said, if you can find a juice that has no high fructose corn syrup, then we'll buy it.
24:52So they started reading labels at like five or six years old.
24:55And there would be a crowd of people watching these little girls read labels.
24:59So by training them early to make good choices as adults and as they grow up, they'll continue to make better choices.
25:06Yes, ma'am.
25:07I'm sorry.
25:08What other exercises are helpful other than guided imagery?
25:21But what I've tried to do is to identify things that people can do even while they're in the caregiving process.
25:30So even, you know, I would tell you, during COVID, my mother, who is 81 years, is in the room now.
25:37My mother's back there.
25:39My mother has made great changes in her lifestyle.
25:43And during COVID, where we were quarantined, my mother kind of tracked out a walking trail in the house.
25:50And she would put her music on and she would walk in the house.
25:54And so many cycles inside the house, she figured out could be a mile.
25:59So making subtle choices within the confines of still being in that space if you can't necessarily get out.
26:06But to still be able to do things inside the house.
26:09So I think, again, moving.
26:11Yeah.
26:12Any other questions?
26:15I think I pretty much used my time up.
26:17So I want to get back to those cards that you took out.
26:21The excuse that often we use when we don't take care of ourselves is, I don't have time.
26:28But I allow you to take time.
26:31We didn't give you time.
26:32You took time.
26:34So now you have those time cards.
26:36And you can take as many as you want.
26:38Give them out to other people that you know need to take time.
26:42But now that you have time, the next time you say you don't have time, remember you've got time in your wallet.
26:48I've given you time.
26:49Take time for yourself.
26:51Make better choices because we need you.
26:54I applaud you for the work that you do for others.
26:57But I encourage you to do the work for yourself.
27:00Thank you so much for this time and thank you for being here.
27:04I like to make a comment.
27:05I like that.
27:06I like, I like that.
27:07I like that.
27:08I like that.
27:09I like that.
27:10You did it.
27:11I do it.
27:12I like it.
27:14I like that.
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