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00:00Our moderator, Jay Lamar!
00:14Woo! What's poppin', y'all?
00:18Make some noise!
00:21Woo! This is my song right here!
00:23Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
00:27Yes, yes, yes! Welcome, everybody!
00:30We're going to have a good time! I see y'all bobbing!
00:33All right, let me introduce our first guest.
00:36Our first guest is an award-winning actor, producer, singer, television personality
00:43that has catapulted into mainstream media, reaching millions of people worldwide.
00:50Millions of people across his social media platforms.
00:53He was discovered by Ellen DeGeneres in 2018.
00:57He took the opportunity to collaborate and produce content for her digital platforms,
01:03leading to numerous projects.
01:06Ladies and gentlemen, welcome the amazing Kaelin Allen.
01:09Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
01:12Hello! Hey!
01:13Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
01:15Uh, yeah, yeah, I know that you can talk.
01:17You talking about it, but let me see if you can walk.
01:19Uh, let me see you walk.
01:21Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
01:23All right, all right, all right.
01:25Our next panelist, he has an impassionate spirit who had love for acting and dance from his earliest years.
01:35His razor-sharp wit and emotional accessibility has driven an amazing musical theater career,
01:44a film and television career.
01:46His work brings the dignity and grace to central, common humanity on every character that he portrays,
01:54especially Uncle Clifford.
01:57Ladies and gentlemen, I hope y'all are ready for y'all auditions.
02:00Coming straight from the paint, ladies and gentlemen, Nico Anon, y'all!
02:05Woo! Woo! Woo!
02:07All right now. All right now. All right now.
02:11You can walk. Let me see if it's settled.
02:23Y'all know rule number 7922.
02:26Y'all got to give us some noise.
02:27You know, so y'all ready to have a good time?
02:30Yeah.
02:30Y'all ready to have a good time?
02:32All right. Let's get to it.
02:33what's up essence fast all right i need to go over here to the barbershop because i didn't get
02:43to get a little like i'm on my flight i'm on with the fresh chops over there okay um so before we
02:48begin i want to make sure that uh i'm very respectful so kaylin if you can give me your
02:53correct pronouns that you go by he him okay nico your correct pronouns i is he him all day unless
03:01i'm playing over clifford and that's she but it's nico right here all right awesome so let's get
03:07right into it so thinking um back on your life from childhood um and coming up of age how did you
03:15guys manifest your dreams to come true um you know it's funny that you asked me that the other day i
03:23was doing like an amazon live thing or and somebody on the thing asked me did i have a backup plan
03:30and my answer was my life today was what i envisioned and i didn't allow for anything
03:39else to be the reality it was like i knew what i wanted i knew where i wanted to be on i didn't
03:44know how i was going to get there so i think the way that it happened for me was beyond what i could
03:50have imagined but i always knew that this was what the journey was going to be for me mainly because
03:56everything that i do is for the purpose of representation and visibility and i think for
04:00me it was like growing up i didn't have anybody that i could see myself in to be like that's what
04:06i can be when i grow up and so i think i created a lot of who i am today based off of the lack thereof
04:12what about you nico um i just always knew that there were steps to take so like i literally was
04:19going to school and training and i think that there were so many i just experienced so many like
04:25closed doors that kind of forced me to like know more about what i wanted how i was going to achieve
04:32it and um i took the nose kind of like to help shape how i saw my career um and my desires it never
04:41changed like oh i don't want to act anymore because they said you can't do this for whatever the reason
04:46was um i just knew like oh you're saying that i can't do it but i know that i can because that's
04:52what god told me so let me figure out another way and just wait my turn i agree i think for me um i was
04:59very nervous when i came out that it would affect the dreams that i had but i think i reassured myself
05:07that no matter what people are going to love me and appreciate me and i'm gonna get paid for it
05:12and i thought that was important so i had to it was a lot of self-validation for me so let's talk
05:18about being black and gay in hollywood how has that been for each of you and has that hindered your
05:25career in any way or has it helped your career i mean i've been black and gay wherever the hell i am
05:31so like hollywood hello just nice to meet you you know it's the same brother that's from detroit it's
05:37the same brother that was in new york it's the same brother that's in la um and i think that
05:42especially today people have this old archaic perception of what quote unquote gay is or was
05:52um but i think when you allow people to have the space and occupy the space for who they are
05:56authentically regardless of how they identify you you you get a a more human exchange you know
06:04i'm saying and you really get something out of it so like to me uh i think in hollywood
06:09it's screaming for authenticity you know and even when they don't know they want it you know you
06:16have it's up to you to present that and be that for them right um you know especially when you live
06:23in the intersectionality of being black both black and queer within hollywood it can just always be a
06:29never-ending battle almost where you always feel like you're always proving yourself or you're
06:34always trying to work harder you mean like well when is it enough you know um but i think the issue
06:42that we we fall into especially when it comes to either black trans women but also black queer men
06:50that are more on the feminine side of the spectrum are often left out of a lot of conversations
06:54and often excluded from a lot of opportunities and i know with me living in the space of being
06:59on tv but also being a digital creator i think the frustration that i usually fall most into is when
07:06i watch my peers that do not live in that intersectionality that can't do half of what i can
07:14do and see them given the given the checks given the opportunities given the platform given the
07:20resources and i know that i come from a place of privilege because of working at ellen you know
07:25it's like once you get into that mainstream place you that comes with other you know benefits that i
07:31know that other people don't get that i have you know so for instance the way that i try to do is i
07:36try to advocate and i try to be a resource to my peers so when i have these other black queer creators
07:44that are coming up that do not have agents that do not have managers that do not have publicists
07:49i will negotiate their contracts for them i will read their contracts and i will say this is what
07:55you need to ask for this is how much you should be being paid and this is what the the basis is because
08:00how can you demand to be treated a certain way or to ask for what you are worth when you don't know
08:06when you don't know it's about sharing the information and i think a lot of times sometimes people
08:11don't even know what questions to ask yes until someone says it so it's one to me because that happens
08:17being black that happens being queer that happens in all of the i can i can you know oh you a full
08:24figure you the thick bro like oh now they only featuring us only once every once in a while right
08:29you know what i mean so you have to be able to know certain things and it's about asking questions but
08:35also being open to a space where you can receive it you know and not always moving with the assumption
08:40of but this is what i'm doing i'm gonna do it my way out you know but what everybody else say i think
08:45that there's a level of humility that has to come from the from the artist as well you know to say
08:51hey i don't know this let me ask i still to this day ask questions being on this platform right because
08:58you know there's there's more to go yeah i think um i was watching uh interview that whoopi goldberg did
09:04years ago and i love how open that she was and then sherry shepherd as well and so many other people
09:10are so open i think that's amazing to have that within our community that we are looking out for
09:15each other and making sure that we all come up together yeah um let's talk about how television
09:20has changed over the years as we all were growing up we didn't see people that look like us on
09:25television and if we did they were truly characters a living color and things of that nature what do you
09:32say to the younger generation as they watch people like us on television now what do you say to them
09:38be yourself don't try to emulate me him him her them or they be yourself i think that a lot of times
09:49people are trying to be the carbon copy and they say oh that worked for him yeah i gotta do the same
09:55thing i gotta that's the only way no you know there are a lot of times for myself people meet me in
10:02person and they be like oh you look familiar and then wait is you uncle clifford oh snap and it's like
10:10yo i am an actor i am an artist i have crafted this character to represent what i see and what i know
10:18in my community because they are not getting that voice you understand what i'm saying so there's a
10:23level of of authenticity that you have to be i think to be able to take up the space as opposed to be a
10:29flash in the pot um two things one is i always stress to people is to put your friends on and to
10:39not think that you have to stay the only one there is room for all of everybody there is absolutely
10:45right and i think that is how hollywood manipulates us to believe that there can only be one because then
10:53that's why we try to keep it to ourselves and we aren't able to populate in multiple areas because
10:58all of us have different unique gifts and talents that we can then diversify the climate of the
11:04industry i think second of all is money cannot be your intention and your purpose again it cannot be
11:12what cannot if you it cannot money cannot be your intention and purpose if you are only chasing your
11:18dreams and aspirations because you want to be rich you're going to always be broke you're going to
11:23always be broke because do whatever you want to for any reason exactly exactly and what happens
11:28with that it's like so say you do something it's great it goes viral now you're making a lot of money
11:33you will never be able to do anything else keep trying to do that thing right because now you got
11:38to feed the monster you're stuck in this hole so anytime that i do anything i always have to first
11:45before i begin to figure out what the purpose and the intention is and is it coming from a place
11:49that is pure and that is full of heart and love and compassion yeah that's good people always ask
11:56like oh well how do you know this or you know like when did you know to me i always say what is your why
12:02what is your why why are you doing it if you are doing something literally just for popularity
12:08i'm not knocking it i'm just saying you know what you are willing to do for that popularity right
12:14if i'm doing something because this is what i believe this is my art or i'm amplifying my
12:18community or i'm holding the door open for the next one i'm going to move with a different level
12:23of intention it's not going to be the same frivolous bs yep i think that's amazing especially
12:28as the three of us sit on this stage on this groundbreaking moment we're at the very first
12:34men's experience at essence and we are at the first yeah lgbtq plus panel at the men's experience at
12:43essence and it was very intentional for me when i accepted to do this because i realized the person
12:49the passion and the purpose behind this was way bigger than the name jay lamar it was for our
12:55community and for them to see three black men on stage at essence queer and happy i just i'm just
13:05at all at words just even looking at the two of you like this is a blessing well i think also i think
13:11we have to give credit to essence for that because when i was sent the ask i was like you want me to
13:15talk about what in front of who interesting you know because that's what we're used to you know and
13:23i think what's sad about it when you talk about black queer people is that we live in the outside
13:28all the time that a lot of our adult lives are trying to figure out what parts of us are real
13:34and what parts of us are trauma you know when we don't have anywhere to fit you know and trying
13:40to figure that out but i will say for me even within the homophobia that i've experienced
13:47at the end of the day i'm always be black and i will always root for black people i will always
13:55fight for black people for regardless of whatever the situation is because i know that a lot of our
14:01issues are because of the way that america has fucked us up let's be real let's be real a lot of all the
14:09issues that we've had to deal with over the years of trying to figure out how to overcome slavery then
14:15being stuck in civil rights and then getting a freedom and then having to go through drug wars
14:20and stuff like that so i understand that a lot of the pain and the issues that we have are trauma
14:25induced and so that's where i find the the compassion to be able to educate and so that's why it's
14:31important for me to infiltrate these spaces to be present because i think a lot of times people
14:36treated me like i was the exception because i can make them laugh you know they were like oh we like
14:42you because you make us laugh because you funny yeah everybody don't have that gift everybody doesn't
14:48have that privilege and my sisters and my brothers and my not binary folks they need they deserve to
14:54feel love too they shouldn't have to just make you laugh to feel included within the conversation
14:58and that's why i show up every single day in my most authentic self in the way that i want to
15:03show up i'll show up in my heels and then pumps baby okay those pumps and that's just the way it's
15:08gonna be essence i love it i love it i also think that it's a it's a sign of the time i think that um
15:16everyone has not always had the knowledge the awareness or the patience to know about pronouns
15:25to know about the language what is truly offensive right or had the space to say hey that's my cousin
15:34but like you can't fuck with him right you know what i'm saying or that's my daughter
15:40you can't fuck with her yeah they're figuring out what that is you know and i think that being here
15:46being on this panel here at essence i think it's in a uh it's an attribute to like where we all are going
15:52or want to go you know um i think that this is awesome i actually it kind of like passes over me
15:58sometimes that this is the first it's still so many freaking firsts many 2022 yes you know what i
16:05mean um but i also say with anisi and jessica on the cover you know i'm saying you know this year it
16:13the representation especially being on this platform it echoes it it's different for me right when you say
16:20representation matters because you meet people and they're like if i had not seen you it would
16:27have been blah blah blah blah for me you know or people who say oh i think my child can identify
16:34with you or with the character that you portray and that matters in a different kind of a space
16:39you know well i love what you just said right there because you know one time my mother asked me
16:45like why i talked about you know how i identified publicly and stuff like that and we we've come a
16:51long way but we had a really tumultuous relationship and what i told her was that because i have to save
16:56somebody's life that is correct i said because at the end of the day whatever you believe or whatever
17:00your bigotry is there are kids dying and that's not okay with me and if my presence can make that
17:10little boy at home see himself to believe that something is out there in the world that is bigger
17:17than him that he can achieve then i will do that and i think that's really what it boils down to
17:23is the fact that people are losing their lives because people don't want to get over their own
17:29you know psyches i think it's hard for anybody um uh young that is queer at this point in time in
17:40america um i think that at some point um it will get better i feel like slowly but surely um but i feel
17:48like having people like us and watching the two of you elevate the way that you elevate and navigate
17:53the way that you navigate it shows that representation matters because there are so many people just
17:59watching every little thing you do and they're excited about it let's talk about this so in our
18:05community there are several phrases um that are used what are two phrases that you wish that within
18:11the black community that they would stop using that's a real difficult question i'm like in general in
18:19general in general in general i can start by saying this i hate that when i go to baby showers and you
18:30know we wear all different type of colors we go to a baby shower and say somebody say well don't buy
18:35my boy a pink shirt or don't buy you know my child a yellow shirt they have to wear blue they have to
18:41wear green that bothers me because the older that you get the more you want to wear different colors
18:46especially in this generation so that's that's something that really bothers me okay now that
18:52you gave me an example i want us to stop pretending when we talk about protect the kids because we get
19:01real picky choosy on what that means because i remember being a kid and watching bt uncut okay so i mean
19:10there's a plethora of a whole bunch of stuff that's on tv that is really really bad you know and i think
19:19when we get picky choosy it's kind of how people pick and choose what they want to use out of the bible
19:23you know it's like we get real conditional about the things we want to uphold against people
19:29the greatest commandment is to love hey amen i mean that is what word is so right now in the supreme court
19:38with uh roe versus way being overturned are you a bit nervous about our rights um as lgbtq plus people
19:48being jeopardized nervous i am concerned about it and i'll say this it is a concern for all of us i feel
19:56like there's a thing that's happening in the atmosphere to bring us all together and that is
20:01by bringing us all under attack you understand what i'm saying there's a uniformity that has to happen
20:07um i i am extremely spiritually and mentally i'm exhausted i am exhausted to be honest with you
20:18um but i know that we all we have been fighting a long time and it's not over i think that there are
20:24things that are happening that are causing other people to come and join the fight you know and
20:29hopefully they have a fresh wind to them that can carry the movement even further forward
20:34i think we should always be scared no matter what is happening can't get comfortable no i think that's
20:41the issue i think i think especially like for instance like you know like brock obama becomes
20:46the first black president so then like oh everything's great we're good we're good we're good and then look
20:51at us now afterwards and stuff like that i think when we get too comfortable in thinking
20:55that okay it's good right now it's calm it's quiet yeah i'm just gonna sit back and relax but when
21:01you're not voting in the midterms and you're not showing up to the ballot you're only showing up
21:04on november 2nd you know that's a problem and i think you always have to be scared you always have
21:11to be on the know because at any time somebody can take your rights from you and if you are unaware
21:18that makes it easier for them and they know that that's how people operate and that's why these
21:24things happen you know so i never live in a place of being of thinking that it's always going to be
21:29okay i agree um really quick let's switch to dating within the lgbtq plus community dating yes we're
21:37gonna keep it real we'll keep it real brief and cute i am a dating coach and matchmaker for we find
21:42him um so one thing that you guys would change just one thing that you would change about dating
21:49within the lgbtq plus community hey lynn i don't need your list baby i don't need your list right
21:56now the first thing that comes there's so much that you could change but the first thing that i would
21:59say but this happens within our community even as black people you know it's the shame within the
22:04shame you know so it's like you know oh he nice but you know i don't date dark skin you know so same
22:11thing like oh you know no fats no fems and it's like if you can accept the person for who they are
22:16regardless of their that barometer of masculinity femininity but like who is that person can i have
22:23conversation with you do you stimulate my mind do you understand do i like the way you smell i'm just
22:29saying you know i'm saying you gotta have a good little something something on you right i was gonna
22:34say the same thing honestly because i i hate mass for mass culture yeah i hate it you know my friends
22:40i talk about it all the time but yeah oh i thought you were trying to holler
22:46you was ready baby ready okay how do y'all feel about the dating app culture
22:54the dating app culture like your only resources i mean it's 2022 you know it's like dating's changed
23:01all around yeah everybody uses the dating app now i think that it's it's the stigma of it has
23:07really been gone away you know i think it depends on how you use it what you use it for
23:11i mean my sister met her husband on an app and they are now three kids two houses later
23:17two houses yeah what app was that it was the african app you know you know the west african
23:24side of me oh i need to join i got a dating app coming out it launches today him him him matchmaking
23:30app there you go i'm gonna be on there with y'all so as we close out uh one last thing or two last
23:36things really quick so right now on television i feel like um television has changed i remember
23:42watching brothers and sisters um on abc a while ago and that was my first time ever seeing like
23:47two men kiss on tv uh-huh and and seeing shank same gender love on television how do you guys feel
23:53about television evolving and changing um specifically like on your show you you see so
23:59many i love it i love the scenes that i see but there's a lot of commentary behind it how do you
24:04feel about the commentary about people not wanting to watch same gender people on television i think
24:11living their life i think that people when they say they don't want to see it it's a lie
24:15um i think it can be hard i think it can be uh a mental a shift of the mind uh my our show
24:24specifically on p valley it is literally meant to be a reflection of our entire culture and sometimes
24:32you don't want to see that culture sometimes you don't want to see your cousin that has become
24:38a stripper and you don't want to see that for whatever your respectability politics are you
24:44understand what i mean it is asinine for you to think that people do not love and have not had
24:49a touch because you yourself have wanted yearned and needed a touch you yourself have used sex for a
24:57means of pleasure but also a means to get out of depression a means to get over a moment um and when
25:04you're being really adult about things i think that kind of stuff subsides um i also think that
25:11it's a diff we are in a different time i will never forget when when we were shooting episode
25:16one uh and we were at the repass and i was in uncle clifford gear i had that green suit on and
25:23everything and there was an older gentleman that came that was a background artist in the the repass
25:30and he came over to me when his came he is an elderly gentleman and he is clearly a part of the
25:36lgbtq plus community and he said to me i want to thank you he said because you doing it brother
25:42you doing it and look at you fly i wish i had that when i was your age and the fact and he said
25:49i got to see it before i retired so it's not always just the young people that are being liberated do you
25:56understand what i'm saying this was a brother that's in his late 60s early 70s and is just being
26:02free and if you can get a level of freedom before you leave this planet then i think you're doing
26:09your job yeah i think you're doing something right yeah i would also have to say to that point i often
26:16think about the older generation i think about the older generation because everybody in this room
26:21had a cousin or uncle that the people didn't talk about yeah or they just disappeared well that
26:26ain't see that was a little hard exactly and it was like oh she just uh-huh exactly and so many
26:32people lost their lives during the aids epidemic and died alone because of the bigotry that surrounded
26:40in their own families and so i often think about those people and i think that's another reason why
26:47i have to find the courage to be my most authentic self because they didn't have that freedom or that
26:53opportunity to be themselves in the time because at that time they could die for it
26:58i think that this panel discussion was absolutely impactful um i feel like we covered everything
27:06that we need to cover i feel like we were all intentional um in our commentary thank you so much
27:12nico thank you so much caitlin oh thank you um ladies and gentlemen thank you this concludes the
27:17impact of intersectionality within hollywood thank y'all for being here thank you so much for coming out
27:21having open hearts and open ears yeah yeah come on
27:26ladies and gentlemen give it up our panelists
27:32we are in his own men's experience essence 2022 dj rap nice
27:51we are in his family
27:53in jello
27:58we are in our thowski
28:02we are in the family
28:04we are in thowski
28:07there's noiva
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