- 6 weeks ago
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00Hello, my name is Jennifer Ford and thank you for joining me today for our conversation around how
00:08we cope. As you know, our community is battling two deadly viruses, COVID-19 and racism. As we
00:16could bat these challenges in our community, creating moments of self-care has never been
00:20more important. Not only are we in need of a cure for COVID-19, justice and equality,
00:27but we're also in need of restoration. So joining me today to discuss ways in which we can make time
00:33for ourselves and incorporate self-care into our new normal, I have with me celebrity natural
00:38hairstylist, Felicia Leatherwood, and actress and producer, Tiana Paris. Ladies, welcome.
00:46Thank you. Thanks for having me.
00:49No, thank you both for joining me today. I know that there is a lot going on in the world,
00:54you know, out there and at home that needs our attention. So you just making time to be here
01:01with me today to discuss ways in which we can care for ourselves during these difficult times
01:06is extremely appreciated. So thank you. Tiana, I wanted to start with you and just see how you've
01:12been doing. Cause as you know, we're dealing with COVID-19, we're dealing with racism. So I'm curious
01:17to know what you've been doing to like manage the stress and anxiety of it all.
01:23You know, it's kind of morphed as the time has gone on. Like we've been in quarantine like three,
01:31four months now. And I found that what I was doing before has changed. So really what's maintained
01:38is trying to take a deep breath and just process, you know, process everything that's happening.
01:46But at the same time, sometimes I'm having to shut things off and compartmentalize and that's
01:51probably not healthy. Um, but you know, survival mode. Um, but at this point in the, uh, with quarantine
01:59and the Corona virus and all of that, um, I think I'm starting to be able to lift some of those
02:05compartment doors and morph everything together and feel like, okay, I can do a little bit of this
02:11today. I could do a little bit of that. And on top of, you know, racism has been around forever.
02:16That part's not new. Um, so that's a constant, but the, I think the fact that we're all quarantined
02:23with nothing else to do has made it so much more present for people. Um, namely our white friends,
02:32people who are not black or Brown, who have not experienced this or been close to it in that way
02:37with nothing else to do. It's just right here in your face. Yeah. I would say right now, it's just
02:45that that's where I'm at. I'm, I'm figuring I've learning how to combine the activism, the self-care,
02:52all of that. And for me, that looks like, okay, taking a part of the day to call who I need to call
02:58to get online, do whatever research I need to do. Even if it's just an hour, just trying to do
03:03something. And, and also just self-care, like working out, breathing, simple stuff, y'all.
03:11Felicia. I agree. And, um, self-care, it looks different for everybody and for you it's
03:18compartmentalizing. So Felicia, what type of activities have you been incorporating into your
03:23new normal, you know, to kind of help you adjust with the anxiety and stress of it all?
03:28Um, I've been doing sipping paints on zoom. Uh, sometimes we'll have brunch on Sundays, uh, on zoom
03:37and, and be in the kitchen with each other. Like what you cooking a day girl. Okay. I'm gonna have
03:42this and then we'll sit down and have our mimosas and toast to each other. I listened to a lot of music
03:47and I love to dance, even if it's just a party of me. So I'll put on music. I dance around the house.
03:54Usually music is playing all the time in my home. Um, I've been working out a lot, uh, taking walks,
04:01um, and, and meditating. I joined this one day, uh, meditation with Deepak Chopra with a group
04:10the meditation. And, um, and then I listened to things at night when I sleep. Uh, I, I put essential
04:19oils in my hands and I smell them and I take them in. I look at the flowers in my yard and the bees
04:26and the hummingbirds. It's the little tiny things that we overlook from running around working that
04:31I started to take notice of and appreciate. And I've also been probably diving a little bit deeper
04:39into looking more at the universe instead of just the world. So I've been watching documentaries
04:45about planets and it just helps me escape a lot of things. Um, the flip side of that,
04:51in terms of like what Tiana was saying about being an activist, I'm not, um, I'm kind of quiet in terms
05:00of being out, but I have a lot of groups where we've come together to talk about how to make a better
05:08future for the people that are coming after us. And it's, it's a very positive conversation because
05:16a lot of healing needs to happen in our community. Uh, and so as we're going through these different
05:23talks and the hurt comes out, we are then trying to hold each other in a space virtually that can
05:32support the emotion of that person and what they're going through. So I'm a part of a lot of groups like
05:37this, where we are holding emotional space with each other and for each other so that we can figure
05:44out where the healing starts, you know? And in those groups, do you ever come across women who feel
05:51guilty for taking time to carve out space for themselves and to incorporate self-care into their
05:57day-to-day lives? Like what, what advice do you give those women who feel guilty for taking a moment to
06:02themselves? Well, the interesting thing is as a hairstylist, and I do a lot of consultations,
06:09women have always felt guilty about taking care of themselves. I mean, if I've been in this business
06:1520 something years, it's, it's why they come see us is because they don't really know how to do self
06:23care at home or go to a spa or go to a gym or detox, you know, or meditate. We don't do yoga. I remember
06:31at one point, women were talking about on YouTube, hanging their head over the side of the bed so
06:37that they could get oxygen to grow their hair. And my answer to that was like, why not do yoga? Why
06:43not take care of the mind, body, and the spirit all at one time? Why is it always just, I want to grow
06:48my hair. And so I think a lot of women of color does, we don't know what it looks like to self-care
06:54or to go to a spa. I have a friend who's a masseuse. And she said that every time she goes to maybe a
07:01party or an event, black women are the one who are least unlikely to get a massage. We have issues
07:08about being touched in that way. It takes a lot of people to a bad space, or they don't want to be
07:14vulnerable to have someone relax them. So all of these are like levels of healing, whether it's hair,
07:21mind, body. A lot of people just, they go to the Bible or the church for self-healing,
07:28but you also have to do some things, some work at home too.
07:33I agree. And a lot of self-care also involves creating boundaries and quieting the voices of
07:38naysayers. You know what I mean? And so Tiana, I'm curious to know in what ways have you established
07:45boundaries during this time so that you can manage all of this the way you need and the way you
07:51want. I've become okay leaving people on red. Like I don't have the space for it. If it takes me a few
07:59days to get to respond to this, whatever it is, then it takes me a few days. And that's really been
08:11a challenge for someone who, you know, we're so work culture, work culture, like got to do it,
08:18got to do it. Got to answer these emails, got to do X, Y, Z. And it's like, okay, I don't physically
08:26have the space mentally and emotionally to deal with this. You, friends, even friends, not just work
08:32stuff. But work stuff too. It's like at a certain point, I could not get out of the bed for, I think
08:41it was like a day and a half. I was just so overwhelmed by everything that was happening.
08:48We actually have had a couple of family members pass away from coronavirus. And then to see everything
08:58that was happening racially and with George Floyd and everything, everybody else who's
09:05Breonna Taylor, all of that happening. And I felt like I didn't know what to do. Like I,
09:14in my little space, I was like, what do I do on top of the fact that the people who I love,
09:21who are my family are black. They look like George Floyd. They look like Breonna Taylor.
09:27So every time my loved one leaves the house, I have this whole other level of anxiety just because
09:33they want to walk down the street and I'm freaking out. And I'm like, that's not fair
09:38to put that on you. But I don't know what to do with, with this. I don't know what to do with the
09:43fact that I'm looking at my niece and nephews, like, how do I help? How do I help? I felt so
09:49helpless. So that is one thing that I have learned, which is it's okay to not be okay. And to just
09:57leave people where they are until I get myself together. And for the most part, everybody has
10:03understood. And I think most people are doing some version of that themselves and just not taking it
10:09personally. It's like, look, I needed a day or five, you know, like I can't even talk to you today
10:17about this, about anything. I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk.
10:20And I feel like, I feel like people are understanding that it's okay to do what works
10:26best for them. You know what I mean? And not feel guilty about it. And sometimes that even
10:31includes doing our hair or doing our beauty routine, you know? And so I'm just curious to
10:36know from the both of you, if in this time at all, has your beauty routine shifted in any way
10:42during this time? And if so, how has it helped, you know, in this situation?
10:49Definitely mine's has. I mean, can y'all see this skin? I got a little glowing.
10:53I got a little glowing, honey. I've been seeing my skin really well. I get to work out more because
11:01I'm always traveling or on set. I've been doing like different types of hair mask. I don't have
11:07no hair, but I've been doing hair mask. I've been doing my black is beautiful. I have been
11:14giving myself pedicures and detox, foot baths and massage. I got a whole home of spa over here. So
11:23you have it figured out, lady. Jeez.
11:28And has doing those things, doing your beauty rituals help? Like what feeling does that give
11:34you in doing those things? When we come out of this, I won't completely
11:38look like an Oompa Loompa. So that's, but the other thing is that I realized how important
11:46it is for me to take that time out and I need it. And I feel like productive, like I'm giving
11:55myself something back, you know, instead of always depleting my energy, giving, giving, talking
12:01about this, talking about that hair, you know, I'm giving back to me. So every little thing,
12:06like I was saying earlier, really does help us feel a little bit better. And, you know,
12:12black folks, we stress, we got a lot of stress. So that's one of my least favorite questions. A lot
12:18of times people go, you know, you go to doctor's office, they're like, are you stressed? And you're
12:22like, well, I had to tell a doctor one day I'm single and black in America. Yes.
12:27You know, so, you know, but these little things you do, they all help. I drink teas.
12:33Tiana, what about you? How has your beauty routine shifted during this time?
12:38I'm kind of the opposite of what Felicia said. This, this is the most I've done in four months,
12:45honey. I have not done anything that I did not want to do. I think for me, it's always the other
12:52way where I'm on set getting done up, getting my hair done, getting my makeup done. It has
12:58been really nice to do nothing. If y'all could see my eyebrows, they, I have, my unibrow has
13:05come in. Like, I'm like, I haven't seen you in forever because every, you know, two, three
13:11weeks, you're going to get it, uh, uh, threaded or waxed. So, um, yeah, I've just kind of been
13:20doing nothing and it's been great. The only thing I do, which is so like Felicia said, I
13:26don't come out with looking crazy, um, is keeping up with my hair. Obviously you got to do something.
13:33And so like every two weeks I'm washing it, um, or I'll do like a deep condition, but I've
13:40really been in protective styles, which is just twisting it back up and, uh, in single
13:46twists and then putting that all in a ponytail so I can work out and sweat and be okay. And
13:51then every long couple of weeks, I'll try something fun. Like I did a video with like, trying Bantu
13:58knot out and things like that, just because I have the time and I was like, okay, that
14:04was cute. All right, I'm done. That took all day. I don't want to do that again anytime soon.
14:09So it's been nice to do nothing, which is also, you know, self-care, self-care. Exactly.
14:17Deanna, those videos you did were good. People love that. They love to see you in your hair.
14:22Thank you. It was fun. I am not very tech savvy. So it's the editing.
14:28And that, that keeps me from doing more, but that stuff stresses me out. So I'm like,
14:34oh guys, that might be the only one. And I think that's a good point. Um, from, or
14:40great segue to my next question, because we are still in quarantine, even though cities
14:45are slowly reopening. A lot of us are still in quarantine, which means we're still doing
14:48our own hair. And it means that a lot of us still have not seen our hairstylists during
14:53this time. So what tips can you give, um, you know, people at home who are struggling
14:59with their hair or who even have anxiety about going to see their hairstylist once salons reopen,
15:05how can they care for their hair at home? What are some things they can do?
15:08There are a few things. So you start by getting my black is beautiful first. Okay. And then you go
15:15watch insecure and ideas from watching all those hairstyles I've created on Issa. Um,
15:24I think this last season, everybody was like, it was blowing up. I mean, it's, you know, um,
15:35but I also do, uh, get cute while quarantine with Felicia Leatherwood on Saturdays. Usually I did a
15:42whole dedication to texture for sea hair, which Tiana was a part of. Thank you. And I've been doing a lot
15:50of private hair consultations and wow, I can't tell, you know, if I had a dollar
15:58for every time someone told me they didn't like their hair.
16:02It's I, I would, you wouldn't even, I wouldn't have to do hair anymore. So I'm trying to figure
16:07out how to help people heal from that because someone told them it wasn't good enough and they
16:12took that on. And so I'm just, it's the mind I'm trying to work with the mind to help people
16:18transform into this natural hair world because they can't see their hairstylist. So now they
16:23got Afros and they're like, I don't know about this. I'm just trying to help them figure it out.
16:29Products, styling, YouTube, you know, follow people with your texture. Um, and Tiana's a four. So
16:38anybody watching them for four, go look at Tiana's hairstyles. Beautiful. Easy. I say it's easy. I
16:46don't know. I'm a hairstylist like that. It's things like that. I definitely agree with checking
16:53out people who have your hair texture. I fell down that very slippery slope early into becoming,
17:01uh, to going natural where I was following people whose hair did not look like mine and was so
17:07frustrated and angry when it didn't come out looking like theirs. So I would definitely say,
17:14try to find someone whose hair texture is closer to yours and just play. And honestly, even if you
17:21don't want to do that, just wash your hair and go in the world or your living room with it like that
17:30and do not change it. And when you pass the mirror, instead of saying, oh my gosh, I look crazy.
17:36Speak affirmations to yourself. You look beautiful because I have girlfriends who like, like y'all said,
17:43you know, we all know you can't go to the salon. So now they're at the house with their natural hair.
17:47And they sent me a picture like, girl, I look a hot mess. I'm like, you look so cute. Like they're
17:53just, we're just not used to seeing ourselves in our natural state. And so even that will be
18:01revolutionary for women to just wear your hair in your house. It'd be accepting of it. And when you pass
18:09the mirror, speak positivity over yourself, speak love, beauty affirmations over yourself,
18:15because it's simply, we're not used to it. I love that. And I think YouTube is also a nice
18:22break or Instagram, wherever you're posting your videos, it's a nice break for people to take and
18:27just to watch and tune in. You know what I mean? And I'm curious to know there's so much going on on
18:33social media from news to YouTube tutorials to Instagram lives. How do you find balance in
18:40consuming all of that? Because social media can be very overstimulating.
18:45I'm going to quickly say for me, I just, on the weekends is when I really don't look at it. I
18:52really don't. Like you can't find me. The balance would be watching videos of babies and dogs and funny
19:01stuff. You got to laugh. You have to find a laugh and to heal yourself with laughter. So if you keep
19:09looking at the same thing, you become desensitized or angry, it affects your emotional state, your
19:14vibration, find things that make you laugh, be around people, make you laugh, play board games
19:20with somebody in the house, take your mind off of it. Yeah. Certain after a certain time, I'm like,
19:26we have to turn the news off because it's just all cyclical. And you're just sitting there
19:31digesting the same thing all day, freaking out over and over all day. So it's like, no, no news. We're
19:37done. We've got all the news for today. We have been playing board games, family, just sitting there
19:45laughing, music, cooking. I've started cooking a lot. I like to eat in general, but I never really had
19:54time to like cook. And I've always said, Oh, I want to be a grandma who can, uh, you know,
20:00just let me whip something up for you, baby. But you know, you got to practice to get to that point.
20:06So I feel like I have definitely been practicing my, um, let me whip something up for you real quick,
20:12baby skills. Um, so I've been getting better with cooking and lots of cooking, like where it's like
20:1915 ingredients kind of cooking. So that's been fun. And it also helps take your mind,
20:25take my mind off of everything else that's happening and really focusing on accomplishing
20:31a task. So that's been fun for me. Well, I love that. And I want to thank each of you
20:36both for being here today. Unfortunately, we have run out of time, but I know that your tips on self-care
20:43are going to help a lot of women who are still struggling to find that balance. And if you're out
20:48there and you're still wanting more advice and tips on how you can best incorporate time for
20:53yourself during these difficult times, uh, you can go follow my black is beautiful at MBIB on Instagram
21:00and join them this Friday, June 26th for another conversation around how we cope at 7 PM. So that's
21:08my black is beautiful MBIB on Instagram, and you can follow them for more tips on how to cope
21:15and hear more amazing stories from people like Tiana and Felicia. So thank you ladies so much for
21:24joining me today. And I hope you both stay well and, you know, continue to engage in self-care.
21:31Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Bye.
Comments