- 9 hours ago
Marley James (Reviving Roots Therapy & Wellness), Tasha Harris (Co-owner of Kobi
Co), Ashlee Wisdome (Health In Her Hue), Camille Cyprian (Penumbra Center For Racial Healing), Kelly Shay (Harmonious World).
Co), Ashlee Wisdome (Health In Her Hue), Camille Cyprian (Penumbra Center For Racial Healing), Kelly Shay (Harmonious World).
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00Welcome back, everybody. Thanks so much for being here. I'm Bridget Tan, and I am so excited to
00:08continue our discussions for today. I know that it seems like every day, especially as black folks,
00:14there is a new trauma or a new trigger happening in the world. And so with all that is going on,
00:19it is so important that we prioritize self-care and really taking care of ourselves. You know,
00:24in a world that is hell-bent on dragging us down, self-care is political. It is radical,
00:30and I'm so excited to talk to my panel about this today. We're going to start by having all
00:36of these dynamic panelists introduce themselves. Marlee, we'll start with you.
00:40All right. My name is Marlee James. I'm a mental health therapist and the founder of Reviving Roots
00:47Therapy and Wellness. Reviving Roots is a black-centered, black-serving, and black-affirming
00:53mental wellness organization. Hey, everyone. I am Tasha Harris, co-owner of Kobe Co. We are
01:02a wellness brand candle and wellness brand created by and for people who love self-care. What makes
01:10our candles unique is that they all come with a curated playlist to help set your vibe. We have
01:15just released our new summer scent, Feeling Good as Hell. Of course, it has Lizzo and Lizzo-inspired
01:23playlist on the back, so come check us out at lovecobico.com. Hi, everyone. First, I just have to say
01:30that it's really, really amazing and, you know, inspiring to be in community. My name is Ashley
01:35Wisdom. I'm the co-founder and CEO of a digital health company called Health and Her Hue that connects
01:40black women and women of color to culturally sensitive health care providers, health content,
01:44and community. Peace. Also, just gratitude for being invited to be on the panel. My name is Camille
01:51Ciprian. I am the wellness director. I serve as the wellness director for Penumbra Center for Racial
01:57Healing, as well as I am the founder of Centered Spaces. We support change makers, change making
02:05organizations, organizations working to change themselves to transform through healing. Happy to
02:12be here. All right. Hi, my name is Kelly Shea, and I just want to echo that the gratitude to be invited to
02:18be part of the panel. I am the founder and creative director of Harmonious World. I do events that fuse
02:26together the entertainment and the wellness industry, and also have a branch that I do yoga
02:31and meditation, and I'm a regenerative, certified regenerative health practitioner, so helping
02:35people get to the root cause of dis-ease in the body and really understanding the glands and the
02:40organs and individual's constitution and body and helping them alleviate pain and stress in the body.
02:46Yes. Give it up for all the dynamic work being done in our communities.
02:49So, I know that all of you are doing such incredible things, but I also want to really ground our
02:57conversation in our personal individual practices for self-care and wellness. And so, Kelly, I would love
03:04to start with you. As a businesswoman, as someone who is doing so much, how do you personally find time to
03:10take care of yourself and to prioritize your own self-care so that you can help care for others?
03:14Yeah. It can be a lot. So, I am a mother of three. I am an entrepreneur, as Bridget mentioned, and also I'm
03:26holding down a full-time job. So, there is a lot of juggling and balancing act that I have to play in my
03:32day-to-day, and I really prioritize tending to my nervous system health because my to-do list is always so long,
03:39and in particular, the parasympathetic nervous system. For me, you know, finding relaxation in
03:46the day-to-day is really finding time to really ride the exhalation, kind of pause and the in-between,
03:53finding slowness in my day. So, I have my daughters have time. Even when I do have them, it can be a lot,
03:59but when I don't have them, I have a lot more spaciousness. So, also just really looking for ways
04:03to find more, like, spaciousness and ease and letting go of the agenda and the to-do list. Like,
04:10it's okay to let that go and creating the space, whether that's for, like, before my kids get up in
04:15the morning, whether I get up and, you know, do yoga or meditation or just, like, sip tea with my eyes
04:22closed in the morning. That, you know, that simple little practice right there really soothes my nervous
04:27system as well. After bedtime, you know, even if it's really late at night, you know, I will,
04:33it's a priority to me. It doesn't feel like a selfish act at all to just immerse myself in water,
04:39even if it's just, like, a simple bath or going for a walk. Like I said, meditation. Time blocking
04:45has been really useful practice for me in my day-to-day, too. So, getting really, like, organized and
04:50strategic with how I coordinate my schedule, even if it's just by hour by hour, I will schedule time to
04:56go outside or, you know, make a smoothie bowl or even take a nap. Like, I'm a very big advocate on
05:03rest. Like, it's okay to take a nap, you know, and it's okay to say no to something that might just
05:08feel, like, too full. I don't want to operate in fight or flight, and I had to learn a lot in the
05:13last two years during the pandemic to really how to, like, balance and say no to things so that I could
05:19prioritize my self-care. Yeah, I mean, this is a great question for everybody on the panel.
05:25Do you ever find that even though you are out there advocating for black folks to rest and
05:31prioritize care, has it been a journey for you to learn to do that in your own work? Like, maybe
05:37you're going out there preaching, say no, take rest, take breaks, but then you know that you're
05:43burning yourself out and, like, going too hard? Has this been something that y'all have dealt with?
05:48Absolutely, especially as entrepreneurs. I felt hypocritical at times because I'm like,
05:54go, go, go, and I get the energy from just being in community and being around people, and then
05:59all of a sudden I'm noticing that I'm feeling a little bit worn out, and I'm like, hold on,
06:05you can't be out here practicing, and I mean, you're not practicing what you're preaching, and so
06:10I do have to remind myself. I do start, like Kelly said, I start my mornings with meditation,
06:15and that's really, that really helps ground me throughout the day, but again, that energy that
06:19I have just to see myself and our business success succeed, then I'm like, okay, wait, listen to
06:27your body, and that's what I have to constantly tell myself. Yeah. Same, I've definitely, my, the work
06:33that I'm doing with Health Under Hugh has convicted me at times, because I'm just constantly going as
06:38an entrepreneur, it's hard to, you know, prioritize taking care of yourself, but because of the work
06:43that I'm doing, I know that I, if I burn myself out, then I won't be able to continue to do this
06:47important work, and so whenever I anchor myself in that truth, that like, in order for me to do this
06:52much-needed work for community, I have to be okay, I have to be well, and I shouldn't be, you know,
06:58burning myself to the ground trying to serve community, I need to take care of myself so I can
07:02also do the work that I've been called to do. Yeah, earlier in my career as a therapist, it was a lot
07:10of a lot of burnout, and it got to a point where I would, I would see 30 clients a week,
07:18and it got, yeah, it just got to a point where I was just super stressed, it was hard to get up in
07:24the morning, it was hard to get up and support people, and I took a week-long break, and I remember
07:31I learned my lesson, because I came back from that break, and one of my clients said, yeah,
07:38you wasn't looking too good. I was like, okay, I can't get to that point again, I cannot do it,
07:46so yeah, I learned the lesson. Yeah, I would just say that it's a constant journey, like every day,
07:54moment to moment, just being intentional, because we know that the world that we live in tells us
07:59to keep going, tells us to be productive, and to produce, produce, and grind, and do all those
08:05things, and so I would just say it's a daily journey, it's a moment-to-moment journey.
08:10Yeah, I mean, how many of y'all out there can identify with feeling guilt when you want to
08:15take time for yourself? I'm sure people watching on the live stream at home probably have felt the
08:21same way. How can we make sure that when we are prioritizing our self-care, that we're not feeling
08:27wracked with guilt, that we're spending that, you know, 30 minutes where we're taking meditation,
08:32we're not answering emails, we're not on a call? How do we make sure that we, how do we quiet those
08:36guilty voices? I love what Trisha Hersey says, she's the founder of Nat Ministry, that rest is our
08:44birthright, and capitalism has made us feel like we are put on this earth to produce, but rest is our
08:51birthright, and so I, whenever I'm feeling guilty, like I should be checking my emails, or I'm trying to
08:56wind down for the evening, and work keeps coming to mind, I just remind myself that rest is my birthright,
09:00just by virtue of me existing, by having breath in my body, that I deserve to rest, and just exist.
09:07And I have to echo that, I think, I look at rest as my reward, I feel so recharged, and ready to go
09:14after I have taken a nap, or just sat down, and had peace, and so, I'm like, okay, this is rewarding
09:21to me, I deserve it, let's do it.
09:26And I think about, too, just like, rest is self-preservation, so bringing in Audre Lorde's quote,
09:32that self-preservation is not self-indulgence, it's an act of self-care, and that in itself
09:36is an act of political warfare, so really taking the word self-care, and the evolution, and the revolution
09:43of that, like it's radical, and it's that assertion that we have a responsibility to tend to our own
09:50selves, and our garden, so that we can show up for others, in a fruitful, and loving, and caring,
09:54and tender way, and that we should fill our cup first, and then from that overflow, that's how we
10:00give, and can provide back to others in the community.
10:03I love that.
10:04So, one thing I've noticed about conversations around self-care, and mental health, so often,
10:09they're attached to this kind of capitalistic thing, where it seems like the only way that
10:15you can engage in self-care is by buying something, or like, having something, and that's not always
10:20super accessible, so I'm wondering, are there ways that folks who, are there ways that you
10:25have found to make sure that conversations about self-care are accessible, you know, for
10:30everybody, that everybody can engage in them, that they're not something that's going to
10:33be reserved for just a certain people who can afford that access?
10:37Yes. When I talk to folks about self-care, I try to talk about the difference between
10:44self-care and self-soothing. Self-care being like that overarching thing that we do to take
10:51care of ourselves. It could be drinking water, it could be going on a walk, it could be taking
10:55a nap, it can be all of those things, and then the self-soothing being, you know, like, you
11:00know, going to get a massage, or going to, you know, a nice restaurant, or whatever the
11:06thing is. And so when we look at self-care as this overarching, like, I need to take
11:11care of my body, I need to take care of my mind, my spirit, I need to be around good people,
11:16I think that it makes it more accessible to folks, and makes it so that folks can have
11:22a, just a happier life.
11:26Yeah, I would agree in bringing that holistic kind of view of wellness and care. So not just
11:33those important things, right? Pampering is important, we deserve, but also knowing that
11:38our relationships deserve care, our spiritual bodies deserve care, not just our physical
11:44bodies. So having that real holistic view, I think, is really important. And also not
11:48doing it in isolation, right? Self-care is not something that you have to do by yourself.
11:52I find it really important to be in community that is caring for ourselves and caring for each
11:57other. Just building off of that, like, community care is healing. Being in community with other
12:03people can be a form of self-care. And there's an article written by Dr. Melissa Harris-Perry
12:09in Elle magazine, where she makes the case for squad care. And that, like, we as a community
12:13should be looking after each other, and that the onus shouldn't be on us as individuals to
12:18just be taking care of ourselves, but to connect with friends, go to brunch, like, do what you
12:22got to do so that you have community care in addition to self-care.
12:27Definitely. Is there a tip that you all have learned this very difficult past few years
12:32that we've had that you could pass on to folks in the audience and folks on the live stream
12:36listening at home that might help them reconnect to their own self-care practice?
12:43I would say find a way to release. George Floyd was murdered just about six blocks away from
12:50where I lived. And so, you know, I was all up in the craziness and still trying to do therapy
12:56with folks. And I think finding a way to release, my release was working out. It was hitting the
13:03heavy bag. It was, you know, just kind of speaking, speaking whatever was going on in my mind.
13:11Um, and yeah, just finding that release is super, super important.
13:20Just add, um, create a ritual for yourself. That's been something that's been helpful for me,
13:24whether it's a skincare routine, a workout routine, find something that you do on a daily basis that
13:30is pouring into yourself. That would be my one tip.
13:33I would also say to just find time to just smile and even look in the mirror and tell yourself,
13:40I love you. Um, make sure to find like space for laughter, even if it's not authentic and real,
13:46just releases those feel good endorphins. So just laughter is really important. And to find contentment
13:52within like transition and change and know that it's okay to be alone and that everything is temporary.
13:57And when you find that contentment within the changes through time, it brings a sense of freedom.
14:05And I think that's just a nice reminder.
14:08Yeah, I think building on release and, and laughter, there was an elder, um, just a couple of weeks ago
14:14in the healing community. I'm a part of that said, our tears are our first medicine.
14:18Mm-hmm. And I think that, you know, considering everything that's happened, um, in the past couple
14:25of years, um, we can get numb, we can disassociate, we can compartmentalize. Um, so whether your,
14:35your tears come from a release or whether your tears come from a laughter, um, I would just share
14:40that, um, with the group here, that, that our tears are our first medicine.
14:43That's beautiful. So I have one last question before I turn it over to questions from folks
14:50watching at home on the live stream and here. Um, when you are in these moments where you feel like
14:55you could sleep the whole day away, what motivates you? What reconnects you? What brings you back from
15:01that brink?
15:04Definitely. Definitely. Is that on? Okay, there we go. Delay. Definitely my children are what motivate me
15:13when I could just, like, sleep long, extended periods of time. And then just, like, my commitment
15:18to creator, you know, to source, to God, and to my choice that I believe I chose. And it was a mutual
15:26decision to come here and ascend to earth. And so I have a purpose. I have a destiny, um, to fulfill.
15:33And within that, that gives me life and motivation to keep going.
15:37For me, I'd say, um, discovering my purpose with this business and building this brand with my
15:46daughter, it feels like I'm creating a legacy. And so it's not only for me, it's for,
15:51my bad, um, building a legacy with my daughter. It's not only for me, but, um, joining, uh, being on
15:58this journey with my daughter is just definitely motivating.
16:04Yeah, I would, um, say spending time in my purpose, kind of connected to what Tasha was
16:11saying, just, um, being fortunate to work at an organization that centers black healing,
16:17that centers black people and culture and welcomes with open arms, those that want to fight, um, and,
16:23and lock arms for our liberation together, but really finding ways to spend my waking hours,
16:28um, doing something that I love, that I feel is my heart's work. It's just, yeah, that's, that's it for me.
16:35That's beautiful.
16:37I think for me, um, just the simple fact that
16:41things change on a regular basis, like every moment shifts. And so being aware of the fact that
16:50if it feels in this moment, like, um, you know, I can't get out of bed, I don't want to do anything,
16:57um, that, you know, the next moment can be different. Um, yeah, that constancy of change is,
17:05is the thing that keeps me going, I think. That's beautiful. Now we're going to kick it over to
17:10questions from the audience.
17:12Hello friends. Um, my question is about community care and how to build your community. And, um,
17:25I think pandemic has opened a lot of our eyes about the dynamics of our relationships and
17:29they're changing. And, um, I guess where I find myself personally is really understanding that
17:36it's okay to rest and, uh, do the sort of self care things on my own, but as it pertains to finding
17:41other people who are sort of, sort of on the same journey, um, what are your outlets? Where do you
17:46find them? How do you create community?
17:49I can jump in and I promise this is not a shameless plug for my business.
17:54But we have this program that's called Care Squads because one of the things that we've heard,
17:59largely inspired by that Melissa Harris-Perry, if you haven't been able to connect the dots there,
18:03but, um, what we were hearing from black women in particular was that they were feeling isolated
18:08or like as an adult, sometimes it can be hard to like build organic and authentic relationships
18:12with other people. So we've created these peer support groups that are focused on a specific
18:16health condition or health journey. The one that we've had launched initially was on mental health
18:21and wellness. And so it's this group of what black women who've all like said that they want to focus
18:27on prioritizing their mental health and they have access to a curriculum that's been designed by a
18:31physician and therapist and psychiatrist, but it's a safe space for you to connect, um, twice a week with
18:37women who look just like you and you're able to build authentic relationships as well as have
18:42evidence-based, um, health information. So that's one of the things that we are building to support
18:46black women with finding a community.
18:52Other questions?
19:00Hey y'all, thanks for being here. You guys are so amazing. You're inspiring. Um, when you're like,
19:07on your mental health journey and you're starting to find yourself on the come up, what do you do
19:12when you have people close to you that are not at that level yet? Like sometimes when you want to
19:19like go down to support, it can kind of feel like they're kind of dragging you back down into that
19:24place that you once were. So like, great advice. But like, what do you care about them? And like,
19:32you know, you want to support them, but at the same time, you know, that if you give too much of
19:36yourself, you might be dragging yourself back down. Then you're of no hope to anybody, you know?
19:41How do you manage that?
19:43Oh, so I, well, I, as a therapist, I work with a lot of people who are up, you know, on their come up
19:51and, um, and yeah, and it can be people who are like family, people that you love that are trying
19:57to like bring you back down. Um, and the thing that I talk about a lot is energetic boundaries.
20:04Um, just making sure that you're aware that whatever is going on with them is going on with
20:12them. Um, and it might sound selfish and it might feel selfish because we live in kind of this space
20:17where, um, where, especially as black folks, we're taught that we need to take care of everybody
20:23and our value is like based in that. Um, but just kind of having those energetic boundaries,
20:31knowing that what's mine is mine. What, what feelings are my, you know, my feelings are mine.
20:37Um, that person's feelings are theirs. And as much as we can, we have to allow them to have their own
20:43feelings about whatever's going on with you. Um, because they're usually when they're trying to
20:49bring you back down, it's because they're losing somebody that was important to them and the aversion
20:54of you, um, that, that, yeah, that they used to like be really close to. Wow. What a great response.
21:03I really kind of need to do that myself. How many can relate, right? I think we have time for one more
21:09question. I just have, um, something to add on to your question. Um, if you are the person that you
21:15feel like you're bringing other people down and you're self-aware of that, how do you communicate
21:19with those around you, um, without, you know, like creating isolation for yourself and your own mental
21:27health?
21:30I think that's a really great question.
21:31I think that it's important. If you have those relationships with people that those trusting and
21:42caring relationships, you feel comfortable enough to go to somebody and tell them and share your
21:47feelings and your insecurities and the pain or the hurt or the trauma to share your story with them.
21:51I think that's important. I'm sorry. That mic is bad. We're going to switch it.
21:56Okay. It's okay. All right. Here we go. Um, I think number one is just, you know, having the courage to,
22:05to share and to talk and also, um, being open to, to whatever offering they have, like teas or foods or
22:15anything like that would nourish the soul. But I think it takes a lot of courage to just come forward
22:19and to share, you know, what you may be going through. And I think it's really important to,
22:24to not hold that, to release that to some degree. So I just want to encourage, I mean,
22:29we all have our traumas and our, you know, histories and pains to some degree. And a lot of times it is
22:35bottled up and it just builds and builds and builds. And so that release is really, really, really important.
22:40If I can add just on both questions, I think something Kelly mentioned earlier,
22:45for the first part of the question is, uh, reaching out from your overflow, right? So
22:51knowing when your cup is filled, that way you have enough to pour into those folks. And then,
22:56you know, when you at your cap, like, you know what I've, I've given, right? And then on the other
23:01side, you have the self-awareness, right? To know that, um, this might bring some folks down. And I
23:07think maybe having the transparency to, to just be upfront, like, listen, I'm going through a really hard
23:12time right now and, and being able to share that. But if you have that self-awareness,
23:17just be upfront with it and be like, I'm dealing right now, I'm struggling. But, you know, I'm
23:21hoping that I'm coming to you because I know that I trust you and I know that you're, you'll be able
23:25to help me. Yeah. Thank you so much for such grounding questions. I feel like they really added
23:30a lot to our conversation. Um, that's all the time we have for this panel. Give it up for these
23:34amazing dynamic folks in our community. Thank you all for being here. I'm going to throw to DJ Pleeves.
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