- 4 hours ago
French Dressing (1964) is a lighthearted romantic comedy that follows a group of friends as they enjoy a colorful adventure in France. Through humorous misunderstandings, playful situations, and charming encounters, the story celebrates friendship, romance, and the joys of travel.
Featuring engaging performances and character-driven storytelling, French Dressing (1964) emphasizes fun, adventure, and the excitement of new experiences. Its cheerful and family-friendly narrative makes it suitable for viewers of all ages.
Perfect for fans of classic romantic comedies, character-focused stories, and entertaining adventures, this film delivers laughter, charm, and a delightful exploration of life, love, and friendship abroad.
Featuring engaging performances and character-driven storytelling, French Dressing (1964) emphasizes fun, adventure, and the excitement of new experiences. Its cheerful and family-friendly narrative makes it suitable for viewers of all ages.
Perfect for fans of classic romantic comedies, character-focused stories, and entertaining adventures, this film delivers laughter, charm, and a delightful exploration of life, love, and friendship abroad.
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FunTranscript
00:00:00Jim!
00:00:30Get him!
00:00:35Jeff! Come up here. I've got something to tell you.
00:00:43Well, don't hurry yourself, will you? No.
00:00:45Eye to the season, you're flicking stones. You're missing a bit of custom, aren't you?
00:00:48Where? Right there. Don't look round.
00:00:50Don't forget. Up behind her. Smile when you take the money.
00:00:53Now, before she scarves.
00:00:55We can't afford to have them sitting down for nothing, you know.
00:01:00Good morning, my love.
00:01:10Hey, what do I charge you for? Parking space?
00:01:12I'm sorry about that, madam. He's apt to overstep himself.
00:01:17Ha-ha! What a target!
00:01:21Where you been?
00:01:23Oh, we all make mistakes. Yeah.
00:01:30Don't know what you're laughing at. There's one on the end of the pier.
00:01:33End of the pier? End of the pier.
00:01:34Yeah, drop your postcard.
00:01:36Ah-ha!
00:01:37There we go.
00:01:38I won't do it.
00:01:39Oh no!
00:01:40So good...
00:03:27Season, Dickie.
00:03:57It's all go-gear, innit?
00:04:02One more.
00:04:13Hey, what do you feed this camel on, mothballs?
00:04:17Hold it.
00:04:18If things don't brighten up soon, I'm flogging it to a Chinese restaurant.
00:04:22You'll get a good price, mate.
00:04:23It's grown another rump since it's been down here.
00:04:25What this place needs is a scribb of it.
00:04:28So does this camel.
00:04:55I don't know why I let you talk me into coming down here.
00:05:01I don't know why I let you talk me into coming down here to get plain nurse made to a load of empty debt chairs.
00:05:28That's right.
00:05:29Wipe your feet.
00:05:30Look, stop going round and round.
00:05:32You're making me feel giddy.
00:05:34You're like some big fat copper watching me all the time.
00:05:37You're supposed to be entertainment's officer.
00:05:38Well, get your finger out.
00:05:40Well, Rome wasn't built in a day, was it?
00:05:41No, and they had a better place to build it, didn't they?
00:05:44Well, to addition, that fact should have been done 15 minutes ago.
00:05:46Yeah.
00:05:47That's not the way to do it.
00:05:48Here, come here.
00:05:52Right?
00:05:53Yep.
00:05:56Big monster carnival tonight.
00:05:57Yep.
00:06:00Got any spare tickets?
00:06:01Oh, I don't know, you know.
00:06:02Big demand.
00:06:03Big attraction.
00:06:04How many do you want?
00:06:05Just Judy and me.
00:06:06And me too.
00:06:08Well, don't be late.
00:06:09Here, what am I going to do with the flag?
00:06:12Give you two guesses.
00:06:22Fifteen minutes late with the flag.
00:06:24Good evening, Miss May, sir.
00:06:25Good evening.
00:06:27Very sparse along here.
00:06:29Oh, well, they're all having dinner just now, sir,
00:06:31but they'll be out later on for the monster carnival.
00:06:33Should be a sellout with your kind participation.
00:06:35I was thinking it's not fitting for me to appear at this monster carnival.
00:06:39Oh, well, think of the disappointment.
00:06:40It's the biggest event on our calendar.
00:06:42It better be for your sake.
00:06:44Oh, don't you worry.
00:06:47I'm not worried.
00:06:55Come along, son.
00:06:56Does your mother know you're out?
00:06:58Wait a minute.
00:06:59Let me check.
00:07:00I think you're a girl.
00:07:01You are a girl.
00:07:02What you got there?
00:07:06The good book.
00:07:08You're telling me stories, aren't you?
00:07:10That's an airline timetable.
00:07:12Did you know that I could be in Rome by this time tomorrow night?
00:07:16Or I could be in New York by the next day.
00:07:19You can't go to New York just like that.
00:07:20I can, too.
00:07:22I've always saved the plane for your home,
00:07:24just in case anything went wrong.
00:07:25Well, you can't get a night.
00:07:28We've got to go to Henry's Monster Gala Carnival.
00:07:30Oh, I'm coming in anyway for the Gazette.
00:07:32Give you all the big assignments, don't they?
00:07:35They should.
00:07:36I'm the only reporter with international experience on the paper.
00:07:40What was Gormley's international correspondent doing
00:07:43missing a coffee break this morning?
00:07:45Very big deal.
00:07:47Baby show.
00:07:49Bet you won first prize.
00:07:51You're not thinking of moving on, are you?
00:08:01Oh, I don't know.
00:08:03Are you?
00:08:04Me?
00:08:05No, I'm here for the rest of the season.
00:08:09Want to stick around?
00:08:10You might learn something.
00:08:12Maybe.
00:08:14Oh, the carnivores fancy dress.
00:08:19Put on a dress, come as a girl.
00:08:21Oh, why don't you go play in traffic?
00:08:43Yahoo!
00:08:44Big drafty round there, boy!
00:08:46Yay!
00:08:46Hey, Winnie!
00:08:46Must be getting air-feeding time, eh?
00:08:52Do you mind?
00:08:53I'm on duty.
00:08:54Lovely turnout.
00:08:55Marvellous evening.
00:08:56At least there's room to move.
00:08:58Oops!
00:08:59You'd never think she was an intellectual now, would you?
00:09:01Things are picking up.
00:09:03There's two more than last week.
00:09:05I think they're about ready for it now.
00:09:07Okay, Horace, let the balloons go!
00:09:09How?
00:09:22Ow!
00:09:25Ow!
00:09:25Ow!
00:09:25Don't you stand there. Come on, skate.
00:09:42No, I don't want to show you up. I'll stay with Henry.
00:09:47He needs my support.
00:09:49Is that the time?
00:09:50Yeah.
00:09:51Fancy dress. There you go.
00:09:55There he goes again.
00:10:03Good old Henry. More. More.
00:10:07Can you stop needling him?
00:10:08Yeah, he doesn't mind. He's my friend.
00:10:10Yeah, well, I bet he's lost a lot more hair since you arrived.
00:10:12Yeah, we used to call him curly at school.
00:10:14Lovely little fella, little round face.
00:10:16You know, he got you your job here.
00:10:18Look, I could have got a job anywhere.
00:10:19Stout, then, Margate, Ramsgate.
00:10:21I could have earned much more money than I'm earning here,
00:10:22and that's a debt certainty.
00:10:23That really bothers you, doesn't it, that he's got such a good job?
00:10:27Call that a job? I call that living death.
00:10:29You can't even stay put. You move from one place to another.
00:10:32That's flexibility.
00:10:33Flexibility? Huh. You're kidding yourself.
00:10:36What about you, charging all over the world, working in coffee bars?
00:10:40That's different. I'm a writer.
00:10:42You're joking.
00:10:42You know, I majored in psychology at school,
00:10:45and I probably know a lot more about your problems than you do.
00:10:49Help me, doctor.
00:10:50I'm so mixed up.
00:10:52A fine attitude to take.
00:10:53Come and lie on the couch with me, doctor.
00:10:55And let's discuss our problems together.
00:10:58That's really impossible.
00:11:00Give me a kiss.
00:11:00Sex rears its ugly head again.
00:11:05Sex!
00:11:06Don't mention that word!
00:11:08Drives me bad, say!
00:11:09You came to be original about the whole thing.
00:11:11Let me just come to me.
00:11:13Ladies and gentlemen,
00:11:14your judge for the Monster Gala Carnival fancy dress competition,
00:11:20supported by the rest of the members of his council,
00:11:23his worship, the mayor.
00:11:25Oh, hey!
00:11:51Oh!
00:11:55Quite a good turnout, sir.
00:12:00Two more than last week.
00:12:02I've got a whole selection of talent lined up for you.
00:12:09How rarely?
00:12:11Yeah.
00:12:19Whoa!
00:12:23Eve?
00:12:24Snake.
00:12:27Oh!
00:12:29What a discerning choice, sir!
00:12:31Many congratulations, my dear.
00:12:34What a...
00:12:34What an interesting costume.
00:12:37Miss Adams is also one of the town hall employees.
00:12:40She works in the accounts department.
00:12:41Oh, nice.
00:12:43I must come and check the figures myself someday.
00:12:45Oh, dear, oh, dear.
00:12:52Whoa!
00:12:52Whoa!
00:13:02You shouldn't go around dressed up as a girl.
00:13:03I'm glad to appreciate it.
00:13:05Oh, I do.
00:13:06Poor Henry.
00:13:07What a fiasco that was.
00:13:08All that palava just to fix up a scrubber for the mayor.
00:13:11What gobbling needs is a few ideas.
00:13:16In America, we'd really know how to promote a place like this.
00:13:19Look, all this place needs is populating.
00:13:21Yeah, but how?
00:13:22Well, I'm a boy.
00:13:24You're a girl.
00:13:25That's a good start.
00:13:26Let's permutate around that for a while, eh?
00:13:28Well, we're back to sex again, are we?
00:13:29Give you a deserted beach and you revert to the obvious.
00:13:32Yeah, and what's wrong with the obvious, eh?
00:13:33I'll tell you what's wrong with the obvious.
00:13:37It's too obvious.
00:13:39Oh, come on, look.
00:13:40Look, if you're going to be a famous writer, you've got a little bit kissy.
00:13:42Ah!
00:13:43Oh, oh, oh, jeez.
00:13:45Just look at me!
00:14:00I can see through your clothes.
00:14:02Well, then don't look!
00:14:05If this was a bridget by a dolphin, we'd play a sexy love scene now.
00:14:09Well, she's in Saint-Tropez and Mrs. Gormley.
00:14:12Oh, I'm sorry, Judy.
00:14:13Judy, I'm sorry, darling.
00:14:15You say that once more!
00:14:17I'm sorry.
00:14:18I'm sorry, too.
00:14:19I'm also wet.
00:14:20Yeah, but I am sorry.
00:14:22You've got a marvelous command of language.
00:14:23What are you, a linguist?
00:14:25Well, it's only water.
00:14:26And so perceptive.
00:14:28Oh, where's your sense of humor?
00:14:29That got wet, too.
00:14:31Yeah, well, I said I'm sorry.
00:14:33It was an accident.
00:14:35I fall in the water and all you can talk about is Bridget Bardot.
00:14:38Well, I'm sorry.
00:14:39You didn't know the meaning of the word.
00:14:40I don't know.
00:14:42All this fuss about falling in the water.
00:14:43Bardot does it all the time.
00:14:46What a personality.
00:14:47Do you know Saint-Tropez was nothing before she went there?
00:14:49What we ought to do is to bring her to Gormley.
00:14:51Now, there's the story for you.
00:14:52That's ridiculous!
00:14:53Anyway, I was forgetting you couldn't get that printed.
00:14:55It's too big.
00:14:56Oh, now, just you wait one minute.
00:14:58I can get anything printed in that paper.
00:14:59All right, you do that.
00:15:01What we want is Bardot, not Bingo.
00:15:03All right, I will.
00:15:04All you can do is baby about sex bombs.
00:15:06See you tomorrow morning, Judy.
00:15:09See you tomorrow morning, Judy.
00:15:09See you tomorrow morning, Judy.
00:15:36All right, have it, Pop?
00:15:44Oh, I must get it looking nice to be baby.
00:15:46Good morning, good morning.
00:16:12I've made you some coffee.
00:16:14American style.
00:16:15Great, great, great.
00:16:18Sorry I got you wet last night.
00:16:20Oh, serves me right.
00:16:21I was nagging you, wasn't I?
00:16:22No.
00:16:23How do you like the flowers?
00:16:24Hmm.
00:16:25You're pretty sweet, aren't you?
00:16:27Well, I don't know, I don't know.
00:16:28Hmm.
00:16:28I'll get you some pastries.
00:16:30Oh, marvelous.
00:16:30I hope you like them.
00:16:32Everything's all right, then?
00:16:33Yeah.
00:16:35Friends?
00:16:35Yeah.
00:16:38Well, that's that, then.
00:16:40We fish the morning with a smile on with the radio.
00:16:44Morning, Francoise.
00:16:45You French darling, you.
00:16:47Who's your friend?
00:16:49My favorite pin, now, Francoise Fels.
00:16:50Oh, she must be hard up for fans, then.
00:16:52Jealous, jealous.
00:16:54Oh, so it's her you're mad about.
00:16:57Thought it was BB.
00:16:58No, it's you I'm mad about.
00:17:00I'm mad about your mind.
00:17:02I lay awake at night thinking about your mind.
00:17:04Oh, I bet.
00:17:06Jim, Jim, you're in the paper.
00:17:11Oh.
00:17:11Oh, I hope you like it.
00:17:37How about that?
00:17:38Jim made the headlines.
00:17:39Any pictures?
00:17:40Oh, Bridget?
00:17:41Oh, no, me.
00:17:42Where is it?
00:17:42Here, right here.
00:17:43Oh, yeah.
00:17:44What's wrong with Gormley?
00:17:46Last night when interviewed, Mr. James Stevens, one of the council's young executives,
00:17:52gave his ideas for the summer campaign to attract visitors.
00:17:57High on the list was a visit of the famous French film star, Bridget Bardot.
00:18:01Hey, you're talented.
00:18:03Oh, you made me angry last night.
00:18:04Mr. James Stevens, young frontier executive.
00:18:07Yeah, I like that.
00:18:08You won't win the mares through with you.
00:18:10Why's that?
00:18:11You work for the council, don't you?
00:18:12Yeah.
00:18:13And the mayor doesn't like his employees shooting their mouth off about anything.
00:18:15Oh, dear.
00:18:16I wouldn't be surprised if you're not an ex-cancel employee by the time the morning's over.
00:18:20Well, I don't care.
00:18:21I think it's a good idea.
00:18:22Come on.
00:18:22He wants to see you.
00:18:23I'm sorry, Jim.
00:18:25Come on.
00:18:25I've got another idea.
00:18:26It's all my fault.
00:18:28It won't work, you know.
00:18:30You don't even know Francois Théo.
00:18:32Leave it to me.
00:18:32Where Jim goes, there's news.
00:18:34Get up downstairs.
00:18:35Where's she?
00:19:00I got him, sir.
00:19:01He says he's very sorry and it won't happen again.
00:19:06Are you responsible for this?
00:19:08Yes.
00:19:09And this is my press agent.
00:19:10Oh, how do you do?
00:19:11Now, look here, young man.
00:19:12My phone has to stop ringing all morning.
00:19:14People wanted to know when Bardot is arriving.
00:19:17I haven't been able to get on with any work.
00:19:18Must be most frustrating for you, sir.
00:19:20Am I due to see that these machines are suitable for our public?
00:19:22Oh, yes, sir.
00:19:23I will not have employees of the council making unauthorized statements to the press.
00:19:26It always stirs up trouble and upsets the smooth running of Gormley's administration.
00:19:30Well, that's very good, sir.
00:19:32You see, Gormley's like these machines.
00:19:34Who wants to see these?
00:19:35No.
00:19:36No one Gormley wants is more of this.
00:19:38You see, you worship, if Gormley became known for this sort of thing, he'd come flocking in like bees after honey.
00:20:01Well, I, uh, a beach full of heavenly bodies.
00:20:05Oh, don't be ridiculous, young man.
00:20:07Bridget Bardo.
00:20:08Ah!
00:20:09I see you're a logical man, you worship.
00:20:11But there's more than one pebble on the beach.
00:20:13This is not BB.
00:20:15This is FF.
00:20:16FF?
00:20:17Francois Faioli, the Toast of Lutouquet.
00:20:19Francois Faioli, in pavements of Paris.
00:20:30Francois Faioli, in pavements of Marseille.
00:20:33Francois Faioli, in pavements of Dieppe.
00:20:36Not bad, eh?
00:20:38How soon can you get her here?
00:20:39You just leave that to me, you worship.
00:20:41She's just finished making pavements of Boulogne, and she's in Le Touquet for the premier.
00:20:44Look at this.
00:20:47The gym.
00:20:48Avec.
00:20:49Tendresse.
00:20:50Francois.
00:20:52You know what that means, don't you?
00:20:56I don't recall your position in our, uh...
00:20:58Deck chair attendant, sir.
00:20:59You just started this season.
00:21:09Deck chair attendant.
00:21:11And you come in here.
00:21:13You...
00:21:14You were thinking of inviting this interesting young lady.
00:21:18Well, she'll be coming to the film festival, of course.
00:21:21Film festival?
00:21:22Yes, the Gormley Film Festival.
00:21:24Yeah, sounds good, doesn't it?
00:21:25But film festivals cost a lot of money.
00:21:27I don't think I can get Francois to come without a film festival.
00:21:30I think you're wasting my time, young man.
00:21:32I don't believe you know Francois Faioli.
00:21:34No, huh?
00:21:35Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:21:37All I have to do is whistle.
00:21:39All right, deck chair attendant.
00:21:41You whistler up, but we'll have a film festival.
00:21:44Have you got that down?
00:21:45Naturally.
00:21:46I may quote you, of course.
00:21:47What?
00:21:48The mayor agrees that the Gormley Film Festival is to be attended by Francois Faioli.
00:21:53Uh, the sex bomb of the new wave.
00:21:55We're right at the next edition.
00:21:56Excuse me.
00:22:00Hello, mayor's office.
00:22:01Excuse me.
00:22:02When do we arrive in?
00:22:04Excuse me.
00:22:05Hello.
00:22:07No, no, no, no, no, I've been misquoted.
00:22:09No, no, no, no, no, no, not BP.
00:22:12No, FF.
00:22:14Francoise Faioli.
00:22:16Hmm?
00:22:17Oh, yes, yes, and she's kindly consented to open the Gormley Film Festival.
00:22:20James Stevens, a publicity episode for the whole festival.
00:22:26Hmm.
00:22:27Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:22:28You can quote me, yes.
00:22:29Bye.
00:22:33Deliverer.
00:22:36Good Lord.
00:22:37Do you know what you've done?
00:22:38It started already.
00:22:40Nationwide publicity.
00:22:41Don't worry, your worship.
00:22:50You attend to the details, and I'll supply your star.
00:22:54You better deliver, young man, or you'll never work again.
00:22:57Any of you.
00:23:01Good morning.
00:23:02Good morning.
00:23:02Got the tickets?
00:23:21You got them.
00:23:21I used to know a bird like this.
00:23:23Woolmouth.
00:23:24Hey, don't lose them.
00:23:25Well, I'm not likely to, am I?
00:23:27Yes, you are.
00:23:28Two-day trips to Boulogne.
00:23:29I've only got 13 and 6 left.
00:23:31Not exactly Rockefeller, are you?
00:23:32It's not exactly the beginning of the month, is it?
00:23:34Oh, stop bickering.
00:23:35Why can't it be like me?
00:23:36Why can't it just say, yes, sir, no, sir, I'm sorry, sir, I won't let it happen again.
00:23:39Why'd you have to be inspired?
00:23:40The place is buzzing, boy.
00:23:41Our phone's been ringing all day.
00:23:43Yeah, well, that's true.
00:23:44What, complaints?
00:23:45No, they're all excited about it.
00:23:46Well, I feel like I'm being deported.
00:23:48Yeah.
00:23:48Trouble with you, Henry, is you don't think positively enough.
00:23:51The power of positive thought is what is needed.
00:23:53I've got a positive thought.
00:23:54What's that?
00:23:55What if FF doesn't want to come to Gormley?
00:23:57What do you think I've got all this gear on for, boy?
00:23:58She won't be able to resist me.
00:23:59Oh, get a load of Prince John.
00:24:01Anyway, she's a film star.
00:24:02She needs a publicity.
00:24:03Here, why don't we just phone her up?
00:24:08Leave a light burning in the window.
00:24:10Don't pine for me, love.
00:24:11Oh, I think I can last one day.
00:24:16I should go away more often.
00:24:18Hurry up, you'll miss the fear.
00:24:19Pretty little turtle dove sitting on a vine
00:24:37Longin' for her own true love
00:24:41As I do now for mine, for mine
00:24:44Up on the mountain the other day
00:24:50A pretty little flower grew
00:24:52Never did I know till the other day
00:24:56What love, oh, love could do, could do
00:24:59What love, oh, love could do
00:25:01If I had a lazy man
00:25:06It's golden shoes you're born
00:25:08I'd take him down to New Orleans
00:25:12Trade him off for corn, for corn
00:25:15And trade him off for corn
00:25:17But I'm a poor country girl
00:25:21Money I have none
00:25:24But there's silver in the stars
00:25:29And gold in the morning sun, the sun
00:25:32And gold in the morning sun
00:25:37Music
00:25:47A karena
00:25:49A 者
00:25:50Mr.
00:25:50Mr.
00:25:50Merci
00:25:51Monsieur
00:25:53Où est la routes...?
00:25:57A...
00:25:57alie
00:25:58Lautouque
00:25:59Heu...
00:26:00Lautouque
00:26:01내ga
00:26:03Oh, c'est difficile, hein!
00:26:04Difficile!
00:26:05Si!
00:26:05Ou prenez a goche
00:26:06You go to the street, you go to the street, then you turn to the street.
00:26:10You can see.
00:26:14How much time do you go to the foot?
00:26:18To the foot?
00:26:22You have a good time for 8 hours.
00:26:24Ah, yes, 8 hours.
00:26:28Good service.
00:26:30Thank you, sir.
00:26:32Thank you, sir.
00:26:34Oh, tell you, sir.
00:26:38Hey, Reid! I've found her!
00:26:40You what?
00:26:46Well, where is she?
00:26:48Voila!
00:26:50Oh.
00:26:52Françoise Féol, Rousse des Bolognes.
00:26:57That's a new film.
00:26:59Bit pale, isn't she?
00:27:00Yeah, she wants to get out in the sun a bit more.
00:27:02Oh, how do you do?
00:27:03Hello, darling.
00:27:04There's another one over there.
00:27:05Where?
00:27:10I hope the Martians have landed.
00:27:12Oh, no!
00:27:19There's thousands of them all!
00:27:21Oh!
00:27:22Oh, boy!
00:27:23Oh, ho, ho, ho!
00:27:25Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho!
00:27:32All right.
00:27:34All right!
00:27:35All right, I can't see nothing.
00:27:37I don't see nothing.
00:27:38I don't see nothing.
00:28:08Really, they're not real.
00:28:09Yeah, they're like me.
00:28:10Soft and cuddly.
00:28:12Hey.
00:28:13Look at that car on the pavement.
00:28:15Maybe they're allowed to drive on the pavement in France.
00:28:17That might be ridiculous, isn't it?
00:28:18Just a minute.
00:28:21Hey!
00:28:22It's coming for us!
00:28:23Get out of here, Ray!
00:28:25Swine!
00:28:26Assassin!
00:28:27Murderer!
00:28:28Swine!
00:28:29Who do you think you're trying to kill?
00:28:32Hey, you!
00:28:33Stop!
00:28:34Stop!
00:28:35Hey!
00:28:36You nearly killed him!
00:28:37I've got your number!
00:28:38Hey!
00:28:39Hey!
00:28:40You hit me up!
00:28:41What do you think you're trying to kill?
00:28:42You hit me up!
00:28:43What do you think you're trying to kill?
00:28:45Hey, you!
00:28:46Stop!
00:28:47Stop!
00:28:48Hey!
00:28:49You nearly killed him!
00:28:50I've got your number!
00:28:51Hey!
00:28:52You hit me up!
00:28:53I'm sorry!
00:28:54You hit me up!
00:28:55You hit me up!
00:28:56I'm sorry!
00:28:57Oh!
00:28:58You hit me up!
00:28:59What are you doing?!
00:29:00What are you doing?!
00:29:01You hit that drunk driver!
00:29:02Don't you realize you've killed him!
00:29:04What do you mean?
00:29:05You've killed him away!
00:29:06What do you want?
00:29:07This is the image!
00:29:08It's the same image of France Wall Spare!
00:29:10Oh!
00:29:11Oh!
00:29:12Oh, no!
00:29:13Oh, no!
00:29:14Toujours la même chose.
00:29:15That's what's funny!
00:29:16That's funny!
00:29:17It's funny!
00:29:18Hello, Miss Spare.
00:29:19Oh, it's terrible!
00:29:20Excuse us.
00:29:21My friend didn't recognize you with your clothes on.
00:29:28What do you mean you didn't recognize me with my clothes on?
00:29:30I'm a serious artist.
00:29:31Well, yes, exactly.
00:29:32Oh, vraiment serious artist.
00:29:34My name is Jim Stephen.
00:29:35Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:29:36Oh, no.
00:29:37Full call.
00:29:38Full call.
00:29:38Henry Liggett.
00:29:39Henry Liggett.
00:29:40He's an entertainment star.
00:29:41Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
00:29:43How can anyone take me seriously when I'm floating around the beach full of girls?
00:29:47Exactly.
00:29:48Now, I have a little proposition to make to you.
00:29:50Oh, I'm a great admirer of yours, Miss Vale.
00:29:54I'll tell you what we'll do.
00:29:55We'll do anything to help you.
00:29:56We'll knock all these barons down.
00:29:57We'll smash them to pieces.
00:29:58You'll really help me?
00:29:58Yes, yes.
00:30:01So, good.
00:30:02Come with me.
00:30:03Certainly.
00:30:18Shh.
00:30:20What do you want us to do?
00:30:33Shh.
00:30:41Turn, then.
00:30:42Have you got any matches?
00:30:43Let's go.
00:30:45No.
00:30:46I know.
00:30:58Will you do it for me?
00:30:58Huh?
00:30:59Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:31:00Yes or no?
00:31:01All right.
00:31:01Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, all right, let's do it. Yeah, whoops, hang on, whoops.
00:31:31Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
00:32:01Oh, my God, my God, my God.
00:32:31Miss Vladek, my fiancée, the famous producer.
00:32:36That's the end of your stupid publicity stunt.
00:32:39Are you mad?
00:32:40These things cost money.
00:32:41Oh, well, it's a stupid idea.
00:32:43Stupid, huh?
00:32:44This is the best publicity you've had for any of your pictures.
00:32:47Cheap publicity, cheap.
00:32:49Cheap, huh?
00:32:50You don't realize the money in my precious time I spent on you.
00:32:55You are responsible for this.
00:32:57I'm going to call the police.
00:32:59Criminals!
00:33:00Miss Fayol asked us to burn them.
00:33:02Anyway, it's ridiculous publicity.
00:33:04She's a serious artist.
00:33:06Serious, huh?
00:33:07Without me, she'd still be mobbling.
00:33:09Oh, I did it only for paying my drama studies.
00:33:12Drama!
00:33:14She's developed since then.
00:33:16Yes, she's very well developed.
00:33:18That's why I can get money for her pictures.
00:33:20Oh, in your films, all I have to do is take off the clothes.
00:33:24Why can't you make a picture where I can act with my mind instead of my body?
00:33:27How am I going to sell a picture about your mind, idiot?
00:33:30Oh, Fulcan!
00:33:32Sherry.
00:33:32Oh, no, you don't understand me.
00:33:35Please, please.
00:33:35We are going to Rome.
00:33:37I have a wonderful story for you.
00:33:38Oh, yes, so I have to take off my clothes in Italian.
00:33:41Please.
00:33:42Oh, don't start it all over again.
00:33:44Now I'm not going to Rome.
00:33:45I'm not going anywhere.
00:33:46All right.
00:33:50Do as you like.
00:33:54And I don't want to see you again until you find me a film body of my talent.
00:33:59Your talent is worth nothing without mine.
00:34:02Oh, Fulcan!
00:34:04I'm not going to Rome!
00:34:06Oh, la, la!
00:34:09Don't worry.
00:34:12Come to our place and have a cup of tea, huh?
00:34:15All right.
00:34:16All right, gentlemen.
00:34:33Cheers, sir.
00:34:34Come again.
00:34:36Who called it proud?
00:34:37We want a little more sport in the boat.
00:34:39A little less in the boat.
00:34:40All right, extinguishers.
00:34:41It is, huh?
00:34:43Come on!
00:34:44Cheers!
00:35:45Where they gone?
00:35:46Come on.
00:35:47Come on.
00:35:53Here we are.
00:35:54Gormley.
00:35:55Unbelievable.
00:35:56May I present, Mademoiselle Francois Féu.
00:36:00Here, down here, man.
00:36:00Come on.
00:36:03One more like that.
00:36:05Come on.
00:36:08If you would be so good.
00:36:11One more.
00:36:13Mademoiselle, I welcome you to Gormley.
00:36:17Oh, uh, Monsieur le Mayor.
00:36:19Yes, yes, yes.
00:36:21Enchanté.
00:36:22Nice to have you here.
00:36:26So you are a mayor.
00:36:27I'm looking forward to find out all about you.
00:36:30Mutual.
00:36:31Marvellous reception, you wish me.
00:36:33Excuse me.
00:36:33I'll take over now.
00:36:34Very good job, Mr. Liggett.
00:36:36Thank you very much.
00:36:37Oh, not at all.
00:36:38You can take the second chair.
00:36:40What am I going to do with this lot?
00:36:56I'll give you two guesses.
00:37:01Must look after you now that you're in our hands, so to speak.
00:37:06The old people of Gormley have given up their absolute spin, so that you may be driven down one of the longest piers in Britain.
00:37:13If not, the world.
00:37:19Forward!
00:37:20Forward!
00:37:21Forward!
00:37:36It now gives me great pleasure to present to you the symbolic key.
00:37:55Which makes you a free man in the town of Gormley.
00:38:06It is also the key to our hearts.
00:38:08Oh, n'est-ce pas mignon?
00:38:11C'est magnifique.
00:38:12Vraiment délicieux.
00:38:13Merci beaucoup, monsieur.
00:38:14Oh, merci to you too.
00:38:16We now invite you to take the salute at our procession, which is designed to cement Anglo-French relationships.
00:38:28Right.
00:38:29Let the procession commence.
00:38:37Boris!
00:38:39The first float!
00:38:40William the Conqueror and Arrol at the Battle of Aisthens.
00:38:51England and France get together.
00:38:55So, you see, you're not the first native of France to, uh, conquer us.
00:39:03A great French invention.
00:39:06Madame Le Guillotine.
00:39:10I did the working drawing myself.
00:39:17I'm a bit mechanically bent.
00:39:21Oh!
00:39:27A fascinating toy.
00:39:29Oh, yes.
00:39:34The French arts, uh, all local talent, uh, selected by myself.
00:39:39Uh.
00:39:40Uh, that one, minus the ear, is Van Gogh.
00:39:47Uh, he cut it off.
00:39:48Uh, he cut it off.
00:39:49They're a funny lot, these foreigners.
00:39:51Oh, I do beg your pardon.
00:39:52And Mr. Shorthouse is to lose a trick.
00:39:54And now, a tribute from the British Legion to the Foreign Legion.
00:40:05Sir, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the...
00:40:17Sir!
00:40:18There's, there's been a delay.
00:40:18There's been a delay.
00:40:19Napoleon and Josephine are jammed round the corner!
00:40:21I jammed round the corner!
00:40:51Oi!
00:40:53Where've they gone now?
00:40:55Blimey, they'll never tell you anything!
00:40:57We haven't finished yet!
00:40:59Come back!
00:41:01Abandon ship!
00:41:03Uh-oh!
00:41:05Gentlemen!
00:41:07Come on!
00:41:09Come on!
00:41:11It's all right, they're coming back!
00:41:13Britons never, never, never shall be slaves!
00:41:22Rule Britannia, Britannia rule the ways!
00:41:30Britons never, never, never shall be slaves!
00:41:41I might have been drowned!
00:41:44Oh, no, you're all right close to me!
00:41:46I have a medal for life-saving!
00:41:48It's all right, sir!
00:41:50Napoleon and Josephine!
00:41:51I told her to hang on!
00:41:53I've...
00:41:54I've swallowed half of your stupid sea!
00:41:57Get a move on!
00:41:58Come on!
00:41:59Don't keep the mare waiting!
00:42:01Oh, there, there!
00:42:02Just a little congaton, we'll have you out of those damp clothes in a minute!
00:42:05Oh, I'm cold, it's shivering!
00:42:07No, no!
00:42:08So, what about Napoleon and Josephine?
00:42:09Will you get the limousine?
00:42:10Get me out of here before I stream!
00:42:13Oh, we'll soon have you in the Sarah Bairn art room just to see.
00:42:16See?
00:42:17We'll have you home and dry in a jiffy!
00:42:19Uh-huh!
00:42:20Whoa, uh-huh!
00:42:22Ah-huh!
00:42:26Ah-uh!
00:42:31It's just a pass-in shower, miss.
00:42:54Excuse me.
00:42:55Oh, miss.
00:43:01Uh, remember Sir Walter Raleigh, sir?
00:43:19Aye.
00:43:20Raleigh?
00:43:21Oh, Jack.
00:43:22Here you are.
00:43:23Excuse me.
00:43:25If I wanted to, I could conquer the world.
00:43:32Whoops.
00:43:33You're so crazy.
00:43:34You're so crazy.
00:43:35Oh, shit!
00:43:36Oh, shit!
00:43:37Oh, shit!
00:43:38Oh, shit!
00:43:39Oh, shit!
00:43:40Oh, shit!
00:43:41Oh, shit!
00:43:42Oh, shit!
00:43:43Oh, shit!
00:43:44Oh, shit!
00:43:45Oh, shit!
00:43:46Oh, shit!
00:43:47Oh, shit!
00:43:48Oh, shit!
00:43:49Oh, shit!
00:43:52If I wanted to, I could conquer the world.
00:43:54Whoops.
00:43:55This hasn't exactly gotten you anywhere, has it?
00:43:56Well, I got FF, didn't I?
00:43:57Oh, you mean it got you back to your deck chair.
00:43:59Henry and the mayor couldn't do what I did.
00:44:01Oh, I suppose you think you're the one to conquer her.
00:44:04Well, I have a certain je ne sais quoi.
00:44:06Oh.
00:44:07Stevens!
00:44:08Jim!
00:44:09Stevens!
00:44:10Oh, you're being followed.
00:44:11Yeah.
00:44:12Quick.
00:44:13Quick, up the hotel.
00:44:14What for?
00:44:15She's so temperamental.
00:44:16Who?
00:44:17FF.
00:44:18I'm afraid she might do something silly.
00:44:20If she left now, the publicity.
00:44:22Yes, it'd be rather embarrassing, wouldn't it?
00:44:24She became violent.
00:44:25She threw mud in his worship face.
00:44:27She seems to want to speak to you.
00:44:29I don't know why.
00:44:30Yeah, well, I do.
00:44:31We have a certain understanding, you know.
00:44:33Oh, never mind the chairs.
00:44:34She might be packing now.
00:44:35Yeah, or talking to reporters.
00:44:37Yeah, look, Stevens, you go and talk to her.
00:44:39Well, all right.
00:44:40Well, as I'm a publicity officer for the rest of the festival.
00:44:43Right.
00:44:44With unlimited powers to carry out the publicity the way that I want to.
00:44:47Right.
00:44:48I ought to see what I can do.
00:44:50Right.
00:44:51Yeah, well, I'll just get these, uh, chairs away.
00:44:54Hey!
00:44:55Oh, yes!
00:44:56Never mind the chairs.
00:44:57Oh.
00:44:58Right.
00:44:59Yeah, we'll do them.
00:45:01No.
00:45:02You'll do them.
00:45:04Hello.
00:45:05Festival publicity officer here.
00:45:08Oh, Jim.
00:45:09It's you.
00:45:10Yeah, it's me.
00:45:11I bet you didn't miss me.
00:45:12I bet there's somebody else already, eh?
00:45:13Never.
00:45:14Yeah.
00:45:15Well, actually, there is somebody else.
00:45:18Who's that?
00:45:19I'll do him.
00:45:20He's worshipped the mayor, of course.
00:45:21Oh, old happy feet.
00:45:23You know, it's about time somebody put him in his place, the old...
00:45:25Goat.
00:45:26Yeah.
00:45:27A pampas old goat.
00:45:28That's the word we're searching for.
00:45:29Look, look, it's about time he was brought down a peck or two.
00:45:31Will you help me, eh?
00:45:32Oh, it will be a pleasure.
00:45:34I've got a great idea for a little publicity party on the beach tomorrow.
00:45:38Can I come up and discuss it with you primately, hmm?
00:45:41Oh.
00:45:42I'm coming.
00:45:43I'm outside your door.
00:46:02Good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning.
00:46:21Still churning it out, I see.
00:46:23What does it look like?
00:46:25All good stuff, eh?
00:46:27Nothing too near the knuckle, huh?
00:46:29I'm writing a novel, not a bedtime story for children.
00:46:33Hope you enjoyed yourself last night.
00:46:35Well, with Francoise, I had to spend the whole evening persuading you to stay.
00:46:38I had to use all my charm.
00:46:39Ooh, what a schmo.
00:46:41Excuse me, duty calls.
00:46:44See you later.
00:46:46Bonjour, one and all.
00:46:48And a bonjour it is.
00:46:50Ah.
00:46:51There it is.
00:46:53That's the shot that we want here in the background.
00:46:57The mayor and civic dignitaries join Francoise Fayol in the delights of Gormley.
00:47:03Right, gentlemen.
00:47:05Shoes and socks off.
00:47:08Paddling.
00:47:10I hardly think...
00:47:12I thought we decided to create a new gay, carefree image for Gormley.
00:47:16Yes?
00:47:17Well, the publicity officer strongly advises you to take off your shoes and socks.
00:47:21And show him your wixy pink tootsies.
00:47:23I don't think...
00:47:24You will take off your shoes and stockings.
00:47:26And I will too.
00:47:31Oh!
00:47:32Oh!
00:47:33Come on!
00:47:34Tootsies in the briny, Mr Liggett!
00:47:36Tootsies in the briny!
00:47:37I'll give you tootsies in the...
00:47:38Now, boys!
00:47:39Get ready to take one of the greatest pictures of the year!
00:47:41Smile, gentlemen.
00:47:43You're doing this for Gormley.
00:47:45He doesn't know what you're...
00:47:49And your brother...
00:47:51As tall быть!
00:47:54Well...
00:47:55Let it bearing...
00:48:04...but...
00:48:08all...
00:48:09Oh, Jim, you're a great fool! We are all stumped!
00:48:30We got some marvellous pictures!
00:48:32I'm very pleased. Perhaps I may now return to more prosaic duties.
00:48:35But, darlings, I haven't crescent my new bathing costume.
00:48:39It would be so nice, would it not, Mr. Stevens,
00:48:41if you had some photos in bathing costumes?
00:48:43All of us. Oh, I'm dying to try it on.
00:48:46Well, if it's going to help the new women...
00:48:48Oh, it would, it would, it would, Mr. Mayor. What a marvellous idea.
00:48:51Everybody into bathing costumes.
00:48:54Oh, goody, goody.
00:48:56I will be out of this dress in a second.
00:49:05First places, please, gentlemen.
00:49:11Grace and movement.
00:49:13On the ball.
00:49:15Very dancing.
00:49:16Ready, steady, go.
00:49:19There we are, gentlemen.
00:49:22Frolic like little lamps.
00:49:25Right, boys. Immortalize that.
00:49:29Right, boys. Immortalize that.
00:49:55Alley-up.
00:49:56Alley-oop!
00:50:26Merci, monsieur.
00:50:29Merci, monsieur.
00:50:56Thanks, fellas.
00:51:11Fabulous.
00:51:12See you at the film festival.
00:51:14See you later, Judy.
00:51:18That was great, darling.
00:51:19You were marvelous.
00:51:20Hey, we've got some fabulous pictures.
00:51:21The mayor will never live this down.
00:51:23Blimey, I'll bet labor get an electric.
00:51:25It's marvelous.
00:51:30What's needling you?
00:51:31Nothing.
00:51:32Looks as though you've found your vocation at last.
00:51:35What?
00:51:36Organizing pinups instead of just drooling over them.
00:51:38Well, it's progress, isn't it?
00:51:40Progress?
00:51:41You're promoting the Gormley Film Festival with those idiotic films.
00:51:45Look, they're all art films.
00:51:47Especially hers.
00:51:48Oh, art.
00:51:49With a capital T, you mean.
00:51:57You don't seem very happy in Gormley these days.
00:52:00I've liked it here.
00:52:02But I think I'll be leaving after the film festival.
00:52:05Yeah, well, I expect I should be moving on meself.
00:52:09Things are opening up, you know.
00:52:11I might become France's wise publicity manager.
00:52:14At least one of us will be happy.
00:52:17Well, I've got to settle down sometime.
00:52:19You wouldn't want me to, uh, stack debt chairs all my life, would you?
00:52:25No.
00:52:27On the other hand, I might become a big-time publisher.
00:52:32Promote you a book, if you give me a kiss.
00:52:57Good evening.
00:53:14Once upon a time, Gormley was an average sort of seaside resort,
00:53:17where the landladies locked up the jam at five o'clock prompt,
00:53:20and there was very little left to do except carve your initials on the bus shelters.
00:53:24But this week, Gormley started its first film festival.
00:53:27And in the best traditions of film festivals everywhere,
00:53:30is managing to combine art with business.
00:53:33One more, love.
00:53:34That squib of yours certainly livened this place up, didn't she, Jimmy?
00:53:38At film festivals, it's axiomatic that if you can get a film star to sit on a camel,
00:53:42the rest of the world will pay you to let them do the same.
00:53:45Get in there, boy.
00:53:50The publicity men, who are the chaps who run film festivals,
00:53:54think that an event is cultural if it's foreign.
00:53:57And even more cultural if it's wearing a bathing costume.
00:54:00Someone's been feeding them meat.
00:54:10Probably Mr. Jim Stevens, the publicity man.
00:54:13The case of champagne and a few girls,
00:54:15and he's managed to release the pleasure-loving spirit,
00:54:18which must have been seething for years beneath the Gormleyan flem.
00:54:22a few girlsCO.
00:54:24...
00:54:45?
00:54:51The mayors of Bridgemouth and Westbourne are here in the capacity of observers.
00:54:58We've been invited to be made to feel uncomfortable.
00:55:01I agree. No self-respecting holidaymaker could relax in this un-English atmosphere.
00:55:07But you've got to admit, it really was rather crafty and gormley to think of such a thing.
00:55:11Aren't you just a teeny-weeny bit envious?
00:55:13It's just a dirty trick to take our holidaymakers away by...
00:55:16By unfair means.
00:55:17Yes, precisely.
00:55:18Our place in Westbourne has been ruined.
00:55:19But you could start your own can-can show.
00:55:22You could even build your own casino.
00:55:24We won't ask our rake pairs to subsidize anything so un-English.
00:55:28We'd rather tighten our belts and stand by our tradition.
00:55:33Excuse me, moi, monsieur.
00:55:35Voila!
00:55:35Oh, congratulations!
00:55:38Disgusting!
00:55:39So, as far as you're concerned, no subsidy for the arts, then?
00:55:42Not for anything so un-English.
00:55:45We're shutting this leg down.
00:55:47Oh, no!
00:55:48We'll show them what we think of them.
00:55:51Who knows where it'll all end?
00:55:53Apash dancing in the floral hall, absinthe in the ice cream parlors.
00:55:56Ah!
00:55:57Ah!
00:55:59Yeah!
00:55:59Ah!
00:56:00Ah!
00:56:03Ah!
00:56:05Ah!
00:56:05Ah!
00:56:06Ah!
00:56:08Ah!
00:56:09Ah!
00:56:10Ah!
00:56:22Tomorrow, Miss Francoise Fayol is to officiate at the opening of a nudist beach,
00:56:40a novel enterprise which all well-wishers are hoping won't frighten the horses.
00:56:44She's also the hot favourite, at least with the mare, for the Golden Cockle,
00:56:48which is the award for the best actress.
00:56:50Tonight is the last night of the festival, and Miss Fayol is indisputably the star.
00:56:57Miss Francoise Fayol.
00:56:58Yes, Mr Robert Robinson.
00:57:00It takes real courage to set foot in an English seaside resort at the height of the holiday season.
00:57:04What profit do you think you've had from this intrepid expedition?
00:57:09I've got to know the English people, and so I hope deepen my understanding of life.
00:57:15Oh, bravo. Well, I dare say you found the publicity rather tedious.
00:57:18But I'm an actress.
00:57:20Oh, uh, news of the world. Very important newspaper.
00:57:24Oh, what a trooper you are.
00:57:26But, uh, this insight into, uh, the English character the Gorblay's given you,
00:57:31what are you going to do with it?
00:57:32Oh, uh, I would like to use it in my work.
00:57:35Uh, season of the classics, possibly.
00:57:37Oh, why not? Thanks, Mr Duff.
00:57:39Oh, that is good news.
00:57:40Excuse me, darling.
00:57:42Darling.
00:57:43The reception.
00:57:45Oh, uh, if you want, uh, if you want any more details,
00:57:48Jim Stevens, publicity officer.
00:57:50Right, excuse me.
00:57:51Make way for Mademoiselle Fayol.
00:57:53Please, let me go!
00:57:55Make way for Mademoiselle Fayol.
00:57:56Make way for Mademoiselle Fayol.
00:57:58Chris!
00:57:58Yes!
00:57:59Oh, other dot, please.
00:58:00Jim!
00:58:00Jim, you did!
00:58:02Jim!
00:58:03Jim, hey!
00:58:05Uh, uh, yes.
00:58:07Another dot, we'll sign autographs afterwards.
00:58:09Afterwards, yes, afterwards.
00:58:10Jim, I'm here!
00:58:12Excuse me, excuse me.
00:58:14After the show, everybody.
00:58:15After the show.
00:58:16Excuse me, excuse me.
00:58:18As I said earlier, at film festivals,
00:58:21they sometimes actually show film.
00:58:27Here we are.
00:58:29Best seats in the house.
00:58:30Oh, thank you.
00:58:31You're very glad.
00:58:32Oh, if I have my way,
00:58:34we'd be on the back row.
00:58:35Really?
00:58:36Why are you alongside it?
00:58:37Oh, quite a little good cat, aren't you?
00:58:43Ah, ah, pretty good eggs.
00:58:46Oh, I do like an adult film.
00:58:48Rude de Beloyne.
00:58:51Rude de Beloyne.
00:58:53Tout le long des rues de Beloyne.
00:59:00Labyrinthe de ma mémoire.
00:59:07Je dis peut-être sans y croire
00:59:10le nom d'un amour de Beloyne.
00:59:16Oh, I can't bear watch it.
00:59:27Oh, I feel so strange when I see myself on the screen.
00:59:31Oh, dear, would you like to go outside for a little refreshment?
00:59:34Oh, yes, forgive me, but I'm so nervous.
00:59:36Well, there's nothing to be nervous about.
00:59:38I'm going to do my very best to see that you receive the golden cockle.
00:59:46I'm ready.
01:00:16If you come, if you come, if you come, if you come.
01:00:30Oh, yes, forgive me, but I'm so nervous.
01:01:00Oh, yes, forgive me.
01:01:30Oh, yes, forgive me.
01:01:31Oh, yes, forgive me.
01:01:35Any minute now.
01:01:36Oh, yes, forgive me.
01:01:41who do not have any doubts?
01:01:46Oh, yes.
01:01:48Oh, yes, forgive me.
01:01:50Oh, yes, forgive me.
01:01:51Oh, yes, forgive me.
01:01:54Oh, I hope they like my film.
01:02:20Oh, I hate to make this kind of pictures.
01:02:22Oh, I'm sure it's most artistic.
01:02:23Artistic?
01:02:24Oh, do you know what I have to do in this film?
01:02:26No.
01:02:27Oh, some stupid man comes to kill me.
01:02:29Oh, dear.
01:02:30I'm not afraid.
01:02:31I put my arms about him.
01:02:32You do?
01:02:33Yes.
01:02:34And you know what he does?
01:02:35What?
01:02:36What?
01:02:37He pushes me away.
01:02:38Oh!
01:02:39I fall on the back, and he...
01:02:40Yes?
01:02:41He scares me with a big, how do you say, um...
01:02:42Uh, chopper?
01:02:43Knife.
01:02:44Oh.
01:02:45Oh, I put on the, the cramophone, and I start to take off the clothes.
01:02:49All of them?
01:02:50Well, the pullover.
01:02:53And then, uh, the skirt.
01:02:57And how, how do you call this?
01:02:59Oh, uh, Brasserie.
01:03:00Oh.
01:03:01Then what did he do?
01:03:03Oh.
01:03:04Oh.
01:03:05Oh.
01:03:06So, so stupid.
01:03:07Yes, but...
01:03:08Because I'm a serious artist.
01:03:10What did he do?
01:03:11Oh, oh, oh.
01:03:12Oh, oh, oh.
01:03:13Oh, it doesn't matter.
01:03:14It doesn't matter.
01:03:15Mademoiselle Francois.
01:03:17Oh, Mr. Mayor.
01:03:19Oh, call me Arnold.
01:03:20Arnold.
01:03:21Oh, what is this?
01:03:24The golden cockle.
01:03:26Take it.
01:03:27It's yours.
01:03:28Oh.
01:03:29Oh, Arnold, you are so sweet.
01:03:31Oh, let me give you a kiss.
01:03:34Excuse me, sir.
01:03:36Excuse me.
01:03:37Oh, oh, oh.
01:03:38Oh, the price.
01:03:39The golden cockle.
01:03:40Come on, me back.
01:03:41Mr. Liggett, you're the entertainer's office.
01:03:43You're suffering.
01:03:44Yes, sir.
01:03:45Stop it.
01:03:46Stop it.
01:03:47Stop it.
01:03:48I call me to stop this ungentlemanly behavior.
01:03:55I like a festival with a bit of life in it,
01:03:57and I don't think on that score that the sourest critic could complain about Gordley.
01:04:01These boys really worry about cinema.
01:04:04Good night.
01:04:05You're lying.
01:04:06But no!
01:04:07But no!
01:04:08Yes, sir.
01:04:09No!
01:04:10There you go!
01:04:15Oh, boy!
01:04:16Oh, well.
01:04:17Oh, well.
01:04:18Yes, sir.
01:04:25Hey, where is it?
01:04:27Where is it?
01:04:28There can't go.
01:04:29Look out, see.
01:04:31No steady fotюсь Hebrews…
01:04:33Oh, it's water out here.
01:04:40No, it's not.
01:04:50And as for Mademoiselle Francoise Fayard, the actress who starred in this atrocious film,
01:04:57nature may have endowed her amply enough to start a riot,
01:05:00but anyone who expected more of her than a skilful striptease is going to be very disappointed.
01:05:12Hmm? Who is it?
01:05:16Hello.
01:05:19It's me.
01:05:21Oh, come in, Jim.
01:05:24You're a sleeping late, I see, eh?
01:05:30Sorry about the notice.
01:05:33Oh, when I'm unhappy, I can't get out of bed.
01:05:36I just want to bury myself.
01:05:39It's only Judy, you know.
01:05:42She's jealous.
01:05:43Jealous?
01:05:44Of you and me.
01:05:46Oh, you don't want me.
01:05:48Oh, now, there, there.
01:05:50Come on, don't cry.
01:05:51Don't cry.
01:05:52Oh, I'm so miserable.
01:05:53I'm so lonely.
01:05:54Oh, well, I'm here.
01:05:59Pass me a roll, please.
01:06:02It's so awful.
01:06:04Like a circus.
01:06:06And I'm like a funny animal they are all looking at.
01:06:09Butter?
01:06:10Yes, please.
01:06:12And I'm all alone here in this strange place.
01:06:14No one to look after me.
01:06:16Oh, but I'm here.
01:06:20Ah.
01:06:21Will you look after me?
01:06:24Oh, of course I will.
01:06:26Oh, you're so kind.
01:06:27Oh.
01:06:30You're taking advantage.
01:06:32Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
01:06:36Can I?
01:06:38Pass me a coffee, please.
01:06:42Sushu?
01:06:42Yes.
01:06:43Sushu, come.
01:06:44I'm here.
01:06:45Woo!
01:06:46I'm here.
01:06:47Yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:06:48Wait, wait.
01:06:49Oh, honey.
01:06:52Honey, I love you.
01:06:54Oh, it's a formidable lady.
01:06:57Oh, no, no, no, no.
01:06:59Oh, no, no, no.
01:07:00Oh, no, no, no.
01:07:01Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
01:07:01Service.
01:07:06Aren't you lonely anymore?
01:07:09What are you doing?
01:07:10Petting, darling.
01:07:11Who was that on the phone?
01:07:13Oh, bloop.
01:07:13I'm so happy.
01:07:15He will be at 12.15 at the station.
01:07:16I must hurry.
01:07:17I see, yeah.
01:07:18Oh, he missed me.
01:07:19He does love me.
01:07:20I'm sure.
01:07:21And he has another film for me.
01:07:22Crazy.
01:07:24Hey, hey, you can't leave.
01:07:25You've got to open the nudist beach.
01:07:26Oh, I must go to Vladeck, darling.
01:07:28But the mayor and all the councillors are arriving.
01:07:31Anyway, you left that, Vladeck, because he made you take all your clothes off.
01:07:35So?
01:07:36And you?
01:07:37At least it's not usually raining when I take them off for him.
01:07:41I don't know what they're going to say if they see you leaving.
01:07:43You better smug him out.
01:07:45These guys.
01:07:46Yeah.
01:07:49Disguised.
01:07:51I've smuggled them in before.
01:07:52I've never smuggled them out.
01:08:16Oh, you better smuggled them in before.
01:08:23No, no.
01:08:48No, no.
01:08:51That's it.
01:08:53That's it.
01:09:23Oh, no.
01:09:32No.
01:09:32What?
01:09:33You still fancy me?
01:09:35Look, you've got a wig on.
01:09:36I've got a wig off.
01:09:38Sometimes it's easier for me to be myself rather than Francoise Fayol.
01:09:41Oh, Loli, you just can't go like this.
01:09:43Oh, why not, darling?
01:09:45Well, who's going to open the nudist speech?
01:09:47I mean, the mayor will be there.
01:09:48I've written him a speech.
01:09:48There'll be a band.
01:09:49It's my big day.
01:09:51Oh, then you open it, chérie.
01:09:55Au revoir.
01:09:59Au revoir.
01:10:00Miss Fayol, I just wanted to apologize.
01:10:13It's too late, you scarpered.
01:10:14You look marvelous.
01:10:21You should have been born upon.
01:10:23Ha, ha, ha.
01:10:23It's not funny.
01:10:25No, it's tragic.
01:10:26Yeah, it's tragic, all right.
01:10:28She's gone, but you're pleased, aren't you?
01:10:30You were jealous.
01:10:31Jealous?
01:10:32Me?
01:10:33Yes, you.
01:10:34I meant what I wrote.
01:10:35It was a lousy film.
01:10:36She was a sensitive artist.
01:10:38Sensitive artist?
01:10:40Just because she had that ooh-la-la accent.
01:10:42Yeah, well, that's not all she had.
01:10:44All that obvious sex appeal.
01:10:46We could all do that if we want to.
01:10:48Oh, can we now?
01:10:49Well, what about a bit of obvious sex appeal from little you, eh?
01:10:53Don't be so rude.
01:10:56Yeah.
01:10:57You're dead right, Judy.
01:10:58You stick to your books and your intellectual chats.
01:11:01I wouldn't want to see you make a fool of yourself.
01:11:03You're the big expert on sex appeal now, are you?
01:11:06You had her eating out of your hand.
01:11:08You understood her.
01:11:10That must have been difficult.
01:11:11Like figuring out the two times table.
01:11:14Anyway, there's nothing wrong with my figure.
01:11:16Who knows?
01:11:18Nobody's ever seen it.
01:11:26Is she ready?
01:11:27It's nearly time for the strip-in-the-air-the-down-vail-e ceremony.
01:11:30I hope the visibility's good.
01:11:33What's that?
01:11:37Where is she?
01:11:39She's off.
01:11:40All that femininity and vivaciousness has escaped us.
01:11:45Well, what about the opening of the nudist beach?
01:11:48Guaranteed to give absolute detail up to 100 yards.
01:11:50Well, you'll just have to go back to girly mags for your nature studies.
01:11:53Oh, now, now, now, you, look.
01:11:56Do you...
01:11:57The mayor's on his way to escort her.
01:11:59Yeah, there's another one who's going to be very, very disappointed.
01:12:02I bet he's got a telescope.
01:12:04What's the matter with him?
01:12:05Doesn't he realise the mayor's going to go mad?
01:12:07We won't only lose our jobs, you know.
01:12:08We'll be lynched.
01:12:09There are thousands there waiting to ogle.
01:12:11Don't blame me, mate.
01:12:12Blame our university graduate with her critical integrity.
01:12:16Well, what are we going to do?
01:12:17I've got a good idea.
01:12:18Look, if you leave now, you'll just catch her.
01:12:20She's getting a 12.15 train.
01:12:22Oh, come on, Jim.
01:12:24Look, you're the ones with all their brains.
01:12:26Why don't you try using them?
01:12:28I am off.
01:12:29Oh, Jim, Jim, boy.
01:12:30Jim, Jim.
01:12:32We've all had it.
01:12:33Good luck.
01:12:3612.15 train.
01:12:38What time is it now?
01:12:3912 o'clock.
01:12:4215 minutes.
01:12:42You've got to do something.
01:12:45Yeah, you pray.
01:12:46I'll sing hymns.
01:12:47At least we'll go with dignity.
01:12:49That leaves me, doesn't it?
01:12:52You'll never catch her, you know.
01:12:54Oh, yes, I will.
01:12:56I've got an infallible method.
01:12:58Oh, really?
01:12:58What?
01:12:59Run like man.
01:13:04Whoops.
01:13:06It's the mayor.
01:13:07The mayor.
01:13:08What are we going to do?
01:13:08No, no, no, that way.
01:13:12Hurry up!
01:13:20These and the old Liggett charm.
01:13:22I'll bring her back.
01:13:23If I can run fast enough.
01:13:33Just a minute!
01:13:34Mademoiselle, may I come in?
01:13:42I am not ready.
01:13:43Oh, well, there's no need to hurry.
01:13:46We must have you looking your best today.
01:13:50Oh, oui, monsieur mayor.
01:13:52I must prepare myself for the great moment.
01:13:54Perhaps I could be of, uh, some assistance.
01:13:59Uh, no, no, monsieur.
01:14:00Turn your back.
01:14:02And the count to ten.
01:14:04Promise no peeping?
01:14:06Promise.
01:14:08One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
01:14:12Finished.
01:14:12I'll do it.
01:14:23Chérie, would you please get me my baggage?
01:14:27Oh, certainly.
01:14:34Ah!
01:14:34Ah!
01:14:35I...
01:14:35Ah!
01:14:36Ah!
01:14:37Ah!
01:14:37Ah!
01:14:38Ah!
01:14:38Ah!
01:14:39Ah!
01:14:39Ah!
01:14:40Ah!
01:14:41Ah!
01:14:41Ah!
01:14:42Ah!
01:14:42Ah!
01:14:44Ah!
01:14:44Ah!
01:14:45Ah!
01:14:45Ah!
01:15:02Ah!
01:15:03Are you ready, Francois?
01:15:33Pretty little turtle dove, sitting on a vine, longing for her own true love, as I do for mine, for mine, as I do for mine.
01:16:03I love you.
01:16:33I am ready.
01:16:59Shall we go?
01:17:00I bet you can't wait for the summer breezes to caress you.
01:17:03Oh, it's a nice day for the concert.
01:17:20Lovely.
01:17:22Where you been? You're all wet.
01:17:25Oh, I thought I'd have a stroll up to the station.
01:17:27What a bit of cake.
01:17:30Did you bring her back?
01:17:31I wouldn't have done, don't you worry.
01:17:35They hadn't slammed the gates in me face.
01:17:40What are we going to do now?
01:17:43Well, we can always go to Clacton.
01:17:46Another road of us, don't you worry.
01:17:49Wish they'd stop that music.
01:17:50And now, ladies and gentlemen, members of the press,
01:18:05Mademoiselle Francois Fayot will personally inaugurate the nudist beach,
01:18:10which will be open from this day forward all summer long for the benefit of those who wish to answer nature's call.
01:18:21It is the first beach of its kind, if I may say so, in any English seaside resort.
01:18:26And now, back to nature with Mademoiselle Francois Fayot.
01:18:31Let's go.
01:19:02Do us a favour.
01:19:04Whip, I'll see what's going on.
01:19:07Go on.
01:19:09Go and be a mate.
01:19:16Don't get wet.
01:19:17What do you want?
01:19:28Binoculars.
01:19:31What are you going to look at?
01:19:32FF.
01:19:33No.
01:19:33Hope.
01:19:50What are you going to look at?
01:19:51THE END
01:20:21Ah, Judy... Judy!
01:20:41Judy, what are you doing? Come out of there!
01:20:47I can't! I haven't got any cars on!
01:20:51We won't take your clothes off in front of all these people for!
01:20:53I'm a good mind to belch you!
01:20:55Put this on!
01:20:56The rest of us is gone!
01:20:58All those people were waiting!
01:21:00I didn't want you to get in trouble!
01:21:04Oh, you little nit! I don't care about them!
01:21:06You don't care about anyone!
01:21:08Oh, no, you know better than that, don't you?
01:21:10Yeah, I guess so!
01:21:13Oh, you'll catch a death of cold!
01:21:15Get out of it, you morons!
01:21:26You all right, then?
01:21:27We'll be for a swim.
01:21:28You'll never work again!
01:21:30Any of you!
01:21:31What a lovely day!
01:21:33Look!
01:21:34THE END
01:22:04THE END
01:22:34THE END
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