- 1 week ago
For "Mamas at Work," the actress talks about her motherhood journey, Baby Yams business, dancing with Doechii and more.
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00:00hey everybody i'm victoria umarogi the senior lifestyle editor here at essence and i'm here
00:04with the one and only black girl magic personified iconic fabulous tatiana ali and we are here for
00:13mamas at work thank you for making the time so it's such an honor to talk with you today
00:19yes yes and so we're here to talk about many things motherhood of course um but first and
00:28foremost so many people they know you as an actress as the ashley banks from the fresh prince
00:33of ballet but you're also a reproductive justice advocate and that said can you talk about your
00:39brand baby yams and this great idea of just providing a covering of sorts for new mothers
00:44and their babies and how it all came to be yes so um i came to my advocacy in this space from my own
00:51experience with my my son who is now eight years old he's my oldest and um i you know had a very
00:59healthy pregnancy and that all changed when we got to the hospital um i was restrained our birth plan
01:08wasn't followed and my son ended up staying uh for his first few days in the nicu of life in the nicu
01:15because of what happened during um during my birth and
01:23we i can only say my husband and i like experienced ptsd afterwards and we had a brand new baby at home
01:28right yeah that we're taking care of our first time parents and um it wasn't until i became pregnant again
01:36that it you know i realized i couldn't do it that way again and i really didn't know where to turn
01:43this is eight years ago right um and i had shared uh actually looking for community because all the
01:51women in my family were told that they didn't have enough breast milk but i was determined i was going
01:56to breastfeed and do it you know up to two years old at least i was going to go for it and um i was
02:03really searching for community because i didn't have a lot of advice from women who are wise in so many
02:07other ways in my life and um i posted about that and an organization called black mamas matter alliance
02:15reached out for me to talk about nursing it just so happens that when i was there on that stage i was
02:21almost three months pregnant too early to talk about it but absolutely terrified and like looking for
02:27how who would care for me and i found myself in a room it was their very second annual convening
02:38and i found myself in a room of um black and brown midwives and doulas and activists and pregnant and
02:46all i just like dove in to learn as much as i could i went to conventions in santa fe and anyway this
02:52is the the long version of the story no i think i found my my midwife uh in that community um and
03:00i never have experienced health care like that before in my life the the expertise the love the
03:07listening and during that time i made a quilt i i sew my um my grandma sewed my dad sews i work on his
03:18sewing machine that he's given me um and that's always just been my you know thing that i do hobby
03:25and i i sewed my first quilt for for alejandro my youngest and my husband and i we sewed blessings
03:33we wrote blessings down for him and it was really this expression of this joy and expectancy i was
03:40feeling i'd been you know doing the advocacy work while pregnant i had been meeting mom groups i was
03:46given a piece of ankara by one of those mom groups you know that wrapped body butters and all kinds of
03:52beautiful things and that quilt that became part of that quilt i got so many compliments on that quilt
04:00that i mean it in the sense that it people wanted to know where it came from yeah who made it why did you
04:09make it and it became like an entry point into me sharing my experience and sharing also what i was learning
04:15yeah and um this last black maternal health week decided to make quilts like that actually each
04:24pattern that i've designed of the quilt is as a blessing one of the blessings i put in my son's
04:28quilt so the first pattern is a blessing of abundance the second is joy we have a peace pattern
04:34um i want to do friendships i want to do just all our wishes for our children and um
04:39um they sold out in a few days oh wow and um a portion of the proceeds of the blankets go towards
04:47grants for midwives black midwives and doulas indigenous midwives and doulas who are really on
04:53the on the on the ground giving us the care that we need and actually building a a a totally different
05:01kind of system structured completely differently and um and it's working you know it's not the the
05:09black maternal health statistics that you hear everybody knows what the causes are right you know
05:15racial bias doctors not listening to us not getting proper care in hospitals everybody knows and they
05:21also know that midwives and doulas work yeah um so that's the work i've been doing all these years and
05:27it's nice now to be able to change my narrative from one where i was advocating and sharing my
05:33story which is hard to tell and also there's always that fear of like am i i don't want to scare
05:39anybody you know i want because that's the time in your life where you should be expected right when
05:44you make that choice um but now i can i can tell this story of beauty and what covering looks like and
05:53that that kind of care exists yeah and that we're giving that care to each other um and like you
05:59said protection yes i love what we want for our babies amen yeah for our families for ourselves yeah
06:04and i love the idea of like manifestation through the messages you put on the quilt yes for our
06:09children like i'm nigerian and so sometimes the names that often that we come up with for our
06:13children are based in like thanking god for blessings and things like that and just wearing a crown
06:19and all these things that are meant to uplift them in some way as they go through their life's
06:22journey so i think it's really awesome that you're offering that to people through your quills i think
06:27that's so cool awesome and the name baby yams the name baby yams came to me um everywhere i've traveled
06:39you know um the the west indies here throughout the united states uh places that we eat yams
06:47yeah it's like it's a food of the diaspora yeah it's it's um it's a super food and and then if
06:57you've ever seen baby like yams they look like little baby legs like you know the little fat that
07:03they have on their leg so honestly that was just a a name that came to me that i just absolutely fell in
07:09love with and that's part of the message right because the the i'm using ankara i'll hopefully be able to
07:15use fabrics from other regions and it is a celebration of the diaspora these very very deep
07:22uh roots that we have and you know a lot of with with the midwifery and the doula care a lot of that
07:28is the reviving of of ways of care that were purposefully dismantled right yeah so that we could
07:36not benefit from it so yeah yeah midwifery is not new in the least yeah and also i have to touch on
07:44it like briefly but you have to tell me how long you've been quilting oh quilting well i've been
07:49sewing longer than i've been quilting that's quilt that i made for my son was my first quilt okay it
07:54was the first quilt like 2019 that was 2019 that was 2019 so it was my very first one um but i love
08:02to sew i'm uh my grandmother did this like she sewed all the throw pillows and she sewed um a lot of
08:09household items and those are the things that i like to sew because there's an aesthetic that i'm
08:15interested in that i cannot find when i'm looking for like a quilt or curtains or no like for real
08:21like all so i sew all those things in my house i find the fabrics that i like that are you know have
08:27the colors that i like the the cultural meaning that i like because i like to have that in my home
08:32and uh so that's more of what i've made in the past and that was my very first quilt okay so i'm still
08:38very much learning as a quilter they look amazing about quilters famous black quilters throughout
08:43our history yes still very much a learner yes i recently met the women of g's bend um yes in
08:49alabama yes their quilts are fantastic yeah oh my god they're so beautiful yes i love it so beautiful
08:56and they have like a free hand nature to them that i that i'm i yes i do know that's one of the things
09:03in my thing i'm like i want to try to do it like that nice yeah i love that i love that and i think
09:09that sometimes i know you you said it can be difficult to talk about the experience that you
09:13had giving birth to your first son i know you wrote about it for essence i did you did yeah i think that
09:19sometimes people feel like uh famous people are supposed to get like you're likely getting an
09:24elevated level of service or care when you go out here and you're doing anything including giving
09:30birth but we know what happened serena and we know you know you sharing your experience
09:35so you know as we get ready for black maternal health week can you speak to what you learned
09:42like from that experience and how it i know you said you went to the event and that is where you
09:47garnered a lot of the support that you need that's where it started yeah um welcome your son in a healthy
09:53and a joyous way like what are the some of the things that you took away from that experience without
09:57having to recount it that really were like this has to change for other women they don't have to
10:02experience this from from the hospital experience or from oh i mean by the way there were some things
10:11some special treatments i got okay like for example no really like oh you can have this room over here
10:18in the corner i was in los angeles so there was kind of like oh we know you're an actor you can have
10:22all superficial things all things that have nothing to do with what you need
10:26yeah nothing to do with what you need um the the things that need to change there's a it it is
10:36it's a it's it appears because of racial bias there's also a patriarchal bias there's a lot of historical
10:44reasons right when when um when birth was taken over by the hospital system by by white men predominantly
10:55right there's a belief that in the in that modality that they are going to give birth for you that they
11:06are going to get the bait that you are not connected to what's happening your means to an end yes yes and
11:16at every turn that is what i was up against no one cared what i had to say no one cared what i felt
11:23physically when i knew with every fiber of my being that i needed to move they pinned me down
11:31it was just and the levels of that when you don't have autonomy control over your own body when other
11:40people think that they have more control over your body than you it ups ups ups ups ups in levels of
11:47it was wild in there like my delivery room turned into a circus so autonomy
11:57is number one this person who is giving birth that is their body that's not your body yeah and also the
12:07belief that i found it amazing that they thought they wanted my child to be safer than i did
12:12why don't you trust me right i brought them this nobody loves them more than me right yeah
12:22but there was that was going on too it's it's really it's an entire culture change that has to take place
12:28and and
12:32part of that culture change as doulas are now working in hospitals to protect their patients to guide us they
12:40also have to be granted autonomy to do that and not be absorbed into the hospital system they have to
12:48have that autonomy to care for us to back us up to protect us yeah so true so true and i know a lot of
12:56black women in general have like even myself i had not the greatest experience when i had my second son
13:03um and so when people ask me now like you're gonna have another one because they're both boys are you
13:07gonna have a girl you want a girl i'd be like i'm gonna have to be the girl in the house because i
13:12don't know about all of that but i think sometimes those things whether they're small traumas or
13:16massive ones like they can really just create a fear or create a an anxiety when it comes to birthing
13:23again so in what ways did the midwife that you found help alleviate that fear as you prepared to
13:30welcome your second son because as you said you did go into it fearful and it's like you want to have
13:34another child like parenting and all that is beautiful like these children are beautiful
13:39but the process of like getting them here yeah when everyone is like go to the hospital like
13:46that's the main way or you know they act like doing it at home sometimes this is out of the box or
13:53things of that nature you know how did having that support system with this woman because i know you
13:59had a doula at the hospital correct with my first birth yes i did but she was a i did and she was
14:07a doula that worked with the hospital oh got you and so she was their best interests were her focus
14:13yeah they were yeah they were and it was almost it was very interesting because that's the way that
14:19she operated i didn't know the the difference it was just actually that term was just a term that i knew
14:23so i actually asked my gynecologist at the like oh i've heard about this thing oh and he was like
14:29oh i know the best one because that's who the hospital liked to work with and um i know that
14:37there were things going on that i remember her trying to okay but don't do it don't move anymore
14:44because they're gonna hold it it's gonna get worse there was a lot of it was it was a mess like yeah
14:50it was a mess um when when i worked with rasha lawler um a black midwife at the time she was in la
15:03she treated me as a whole person so it wasn't just my pregnancy it was my experiences and part of those
15:12experiences that were especially salient were was that trauma and i finally had like a sister
15:19i could just talk to you about it yeah who didn't you know
15:25who knew i wasn't saying something wild like my story she understood my story yeah and she
15:32walked with me through it um she even told me what to look out for you know there might come a time
15:39right when it's time for birth that that might come back i want you to be aware of that now
15:45you know this woman we had such a we created such a relationship
15:51she prayed at my feet when i got scared it's just it's just that's what i mean when i say i've never
15:58experienced health care like that right yeah somebody like with loving hands and in pregnancy and in birth
16:08it's such an incredible experience that
16:16it's sacred yeah that's how it should be treated
16:21you know yeah i'm glad she was able to provide you with that after everything you've experienced
16:25it's amazing and but also can i tell you something yeah writing it down not everybody has you know every
16:33i i i shared people have different ways of sharing but a lot of us have experienced different traumas
16:39so when i started sharing my my mom told me her story my aunts had stories everybody i know everybody
16:48i come across has a story yeah all different ages but we have to write it down or get it outside of us in
16:56some way because that is not
17:02i've held it inside my body for so long yeah and there are ways to get it outside of you
17:09yeah i know that's deep definitely um but now you have two healthy and happy young boys
17:15young men no young boys i'm just kidding i'm trying to will time i'm just kidding
17:24that said how do you balance the work you're doing with baby hams acting your friendships your
17:29marriage with motherhood like
17:35um i
17:37i i'm still i'm still figuring it out i also volunteer in our school in our school pta and
17:48yeah and in the library i'm like one of the library moms um i'm still figuring that out i have um an
17:55incredible support system i think it's really important to remember that this idea that we're
18:01supposed to do alone this independence idea is like a lie and it's some strange
18:07western culture that i don't i don't even know if that's true but i know that
18:11you know i don't know where it comes from but it's not true yeah we have to have community
18:16and we have to have a village and and women and other people who are there to support us to help
18:25and and so i lean on people yeah you know i have i have a drive i have a try i have multiple tribes
18:34i have tribes you know in different i'm part of tribes in different places that sometimes we can
18:40only get on a facetime or sometimes we can i have my mom group in my in my community where i live
18:46um i'm lucky that i have family um but you have to you you have to seek that out and then i just try
18:53to balance and and i do sacrifice some things there's some things that i can't necessarily go
19:01300 on and hustle like i did in my 20s yeah because they they come first my boys come first so
19:09you know those are all the pots yeah yeah yeah you're just like ding ding ding
19:22and you're like oh this is working for a while and then after a while you're like oh no this song
19:25sucks stop uh pause gotta reset okay this one's right thanks thanks gotta figure out what's working
19:33it that's so real and a good luck on the bathroom yeah girl it doesn't matter it doesn't matter my
19:40kids will be like right in front of me don't care while i'm trying to pee can i have a minute no i'm
19:45in the shower and my kids will be like mom you're naked what i am in a shower i'm taking a shower
19:55i'll scream out privacy my kids are like i have no idea what that means um got you got you nice
20:02and that said you know you're still hard at work out here on t on our tv screens most recently with
20:06avid elementary yeah congratulations i did want to ask you like as you mentioned like sometimes you
20:12can't go 100 and there are sacrifices that are required do you being the parent that you are
20:18being hands-on you're in pta the whole shebang does that like impact like what kind of roles
20:23and opportunities you take uh yes it does yes it does sometimes um you know and this just
20:31i i i i've talked to other working moms and i feel like this is a common thing there's like a laser
20:37focus that starts that happens that i didn't have before i became a parent um you know i was i you know
20:45was oh let me try that oh like oh i'm not it's not rubbing me right but i'll just i'll just it won't
20:53hurt anything let me just go for no it's got to be it's got to be right it's got to be what i know in
21:01my spirit is aligned like oh no this is this is something that's important right and then and that's it
21:09because there's not a lot of time to fritter exactly otherwise it's taken away from your focus
21:17yeah yeah does it's a you know but but but you do have you know as a woman you have a purpose
21:23there's there's um our work has meaning to us yeah so and that's a part of you know
21:33what you get to share with your children even with baby yams like my kids go with me to the post
21:37office to mail out the blankets and they put you know they're helping out they're talking about
21:42starting their own businesses at like five and eight like i'm maybe i should do a lemonade stand
21:47or maybe i could i could sell my legos or like you know so it it brings something to the home our work
21:55so but still there's like a there's kind of like a laser focus that that i guess is
22:01is the story i'm telling myself now but no but i guess that that's what i try to do you got you
22:09yeah no i totally understand and in addition to all that you're out here giving the people serious
22:13nostalgia because we were all obsessed with you and will smith and dochi doing the fresh prince dance
22:21to her song anxiety that was obviously extremely cool how was that for you and how did it come to be
22:26uh well the the the tick tock craze was sort of happening yes and then um actually will hit me up
22:40and um he i don't know where he was just like mic check i was like one two one two then he let me
22:47know about what was happening we were thinking about doing something together um and then don't you seem
22:53hit us both up and then so that's how it kind of and it was really just a matter of days oh and
22:58everything fell into place how organic yeah yeah everything fell into place and and it was really
23:03because fans of the show are people that you know what i mean they that's where it started oh wow and
23:10i love how close you guys all are by the way you and the cast of fresh prince like after all of these
23:15years you guys are like a big family are you it's like a family reunion every time you guys are
23:18together is there like an annual meetup or like i wish there was no i wish there was um but but we
23:26do we keep tabs it's like cousins yeah that's the best microphone check yeah because you're like yes
23:35i'm here what's up what are we doing where are we meeting what's happening i love that i love that
23:39and lastly i wanted to ask you how do you practice self-care as a busy working mother because you know
23:46obviously it's working fabulously for you because you look 25 and the people want to know the
23:52youthfulness comes from what things that you're doing for yourself when you have the chance i'm not
23:58the one to ask this question i don't want i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna lie to you a lot of people
24:02i'm working on it oh you're not you don't get a lot of time to do i am working on that part i will be
24:08totally honest with you i have been working since i was four years old and i am really really at this
24:18stage of my life learning
24:23learning about rest there's a woman who has um like the nat ministry yes i follow her and i'm so
24:32mesmerized by that and interested because i have to learn so that is i mean that's just the honest
24:41truth i love that though the transparency of like all i've known is working since i was
24:47not even a kid kid like a toddler i'm learning about that i'm learning about also like the fact that that's
24:53like potentially like generational that that's like a part of the trauma like i'm learning that
25:02i tell my kids things like that like i'll say to my kids um you look like you need something to do
25:12my mom used to say that to me we all used to hear that no they don't they're just playing why do they
25:17need something to do what is the reason that that has been said to us for so long they they can just
25:24play and i know as an artist i know as a creative person that's when the magic happens yeah so where's
25:30the i i'm i'm truly working on that and yeah i am truly working on that right now in this moment
25:37but i cannot give anybody any advice if y'all have advice dm me that tell me what to do that's
25:45incredibly deep though because i yeah i think a lot of us i talk with my friends about that all
25:49the time about like you'll have a day off and you just you almost feel guilty for just staying in
25:53the house and doing nothing yeah oh no not do nothing if i'm gonna stay in the house well i'm
25:57gonna clean i'm gonna do the laundry i'm gonna clear out the pantry i'm gonna make sure that
26:03and i call that as time off that's wrong what is going on girl you over here preaching on what day
26:09is it on a thursday girl on a thursday but i'm working i'm working on it i love that though but
26:15what is it what would you like to do then maybe what is your goal with self-care what would you
26:19like to travel more and i would love to travel more i have a um a garden i would love to i definitely
26:28planted my stuff for the for the for the spring but i'd like to just like be in it more yeah take
26:34care of that stuff more um you know just sit with my kids and just play on the ground with them more
26:44you know i do i do it but just like for a long like without a okay okay all right i'll be no no you
26:55guys keep going i'll be right back let me go that would be nice i'd love that i'm worth like that's what
27:02i'm trying to get and i know it's possible it's just
27:07get in my mind not to think that i gotta yeah yeah you know something's gonna get lost
27:15something that is i gotta hustle yeah yeah yeah it's something about this capital it's something
27:22about this that's it's not just work work is okay yeah work is can be you know the fruits of our hands
27:28that can that's but it's the other stuff that we put on it right or at least i put on it
27:36well we started the conversation talking about manifesting through on your quilts the messages
27:41you have for the children and we're going to manifest all of this opportunity for you to do
27:45what you want play with your kids be in your garden travel and live your best life and we we're doing it
27:51for you so i this has been such an enriching conversation tatiana i really i'm loving
27:56everything you're doing with baby ams and advocacy work because you're saving lives and it makes a
28:01difference by helping people get the support they need to give birth in a healthy and joyous way so
28:06thank you so much for being my first on the camera you know conversation for mommas at work
28:12yeah i'm telling you we've been in the house all the time like how you doing girl
28:18so this is fabulous oh my goodness i love it thank you tatiana you're welcome
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