- 2 days ago
Charli Penn chats with Therapist & Content Creator Nedra Glover Tawwab, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Therapist & Author Alishia McCullough and Shanti Das, Founder & Executive Director of Silence The Shame Inc.
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LifestyleTranscript
00:01Good afternoon, everyone, and welcome to an Essence Wellness Check-In.
00:06My name is Charlie Penn.
00:07I'm the Relationships, Fondness, and Lifestyle Director here at Essence Magazine.
00:11Now, as many expected, the 2020 presidential election has been a nail-biter, and it is
00:17still too close to call.
00:19This, of course, has everyone's stress levels and anxiety levels completely on edge.
00:24They've been that way since yesterday.
00:26They are still that way today.
00:27And, in fact, today, being National Stress Awareness Day, we're going to hold space
00:32to talk about what we're feeling, why we're feeling it, and how we can truly diffuse some
00:37of the anxiety in our lives.
00:38We are stressed out.
00:40This is a lot.
00:41We are going through it, and we are going to do it together.
00:44Our mental health matters.
00:46And joining me today are three very respected voices in the mental health space.
00:50Please welcome, up first, Nedra Glover-Tawab, licensed therapist,
00:56content creator, and author.
00:58Hi, Nedra.
00:59Hi.
01:00Welcome, welcome.
01:02We also have Alicia McCullough, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, published
01:07author, and social justice activist.
01:09Welcome, Alicia.
01:11Hi.
01:11Thanks for having me.
01:12Thank you for being here.
01:14And last but certainly not least, you've seen her before at Essence Wellness House.
01:18Please welcome Shanti Das, the founder and executive director of Silence the Shame, Inc.
01:23Hi, Shanti.
01:24Hello.
01:24It's good to see you all.
01:26Welcome back.
01:27Ladies, thank you so much for being here.
01:29Before we even get into just talking about the community as a whole, how are you all doing?
01:35How are you feeling?
01:37Today's talk.
01:38Yeah, for me, it's been a lot of deep breaths and meditation.
01:45All morning, I woke up, I read something like, I got in a quick workout.
01:52It's funny, when I got on the treadmill at the gym, Fox News was on, so it was like right there.
01:57So just really being mindful to collect and gather myself and not focus on the minute-by-minute outcomes because we don't know anything yet.
02:11What about you, Alicia?
02:13How did you feel today?
02:15How are you feeling now?
02:16Yeah, Charlie, when you actually asked the question, I decided to take a deep breath, even in this moment, just to check in with myself.
02:23And this morning, I took off work just so that I would have time to really take care of myself.
02:27And so I've been taking it really slow this morning.
02:30I've slept in a little bit longer than normal.
02:34I've taken some time just to read a book and spend some time with my animal.
02:41And so that's been really helpful for me and giving me time to just kind of take it slow versus trying to jump in with everything going on right now.
02:49Yeah, we have to take that time for ourselves.
02:52Shanta, what about you?
02:54Charlie, I'll be...
02:55You then?
02:55It's been a tough, you know, I guess, 12 hours.
03:00I had set these reminders on my phone because I wanted to check in because we are supposed to limit our news consumption, right, when you're talking about wellness and self-care.
03:08But I am the play-by-play girl.
03:10So I was watching CNN because particularly the state that I live in, you know, I thought that we could flip blue, but it's still red.
03:18So I was stressed.
03:20But we're still in play.
03:21And I actually woke up this morning praying.
03:23And I thank God that, you know, we're still here, that he carried us through the night, that no violence erupted, right?
03:30Because we heard rumors of that.
03:31We saw these stores boarding up.
03:33But God is still faithful and not to impose my faith on anyone.
03:36But that's kind of how I started my morning.
03:38And then I got up and took a shower with my favorite eucalyptic bath.
03:42Yeah, oh, my God.
03:45It's a body wash.
03:46And it's amazing.
03:47And it just has all these scents and oils and essentials in it.
03:50And so it put me in a better mood this morning.
03:53I love, look at the y'all, mindfulness, prayer, being with self.
03:57You all, of course, you're the experts.
03:58You know what to do.
03:59But we know that these are very helpful tools.
04:01So let's talk about tools, right?
04:04Using tools as boundaries.
04:05Because obviously that's what each of you have done to be in a good space today, despite what's going on in the world.
04:11So let's talk about that.
04:12Nedra, you up first.
04:13How can we create emotional boundaries for ourselves, let's say, through the rest of election week and beyond?
04:21Make sure we're not burning ourselves out with election talk.
04:26So it is perfectly okay right now to tell folks that I can't talk about this anymore or I need some space.
04:35I don't want to talk about the results.
04:39I'm not ready to digest the outcome or get into all of the political pieces of it because it is overwhelming.
04:49And it is all that is on the radio, on TV, is what people are talking about.
04:54And it's okay right now to have those very protective boundaries of space.
05:01And that might mean even with social media, like having that space because you don't want to bombard yourself with so much information that you're not burnt out, angry, upset, frustrated.
05:14It's really the time to be preventative in your boundaries.
05:19So if you know that you're starting to feel very anxious, think about those things that can be very protective right now, which might mean having times to check the news or dismissing some of those conversations.
05:37It's so important to think about how to protect yourself because we know how we are.
05:42We know, oh, my gosh, I get really anxious when.
05:45And if you know that that is typically how you feel about these sorts of things, protect yourself, protect yourself, protect yourself.
05:54Absolutely.
05:55And Shanti, you know, you mentioned that you follow the news closely.
05:58I think so many of us can't help but be, what do they call it, doom scrollers?
06:02I'm guilty.
06:03I'm a doom scroller.
06:04Last night I was just refreshing everything too much.
06:07So how do you create boundaries for yourself?
06:10And what advice do you give as someone who is admittedly going to pay attention, very close attention to the news?
06:15Yeah, absolutely.
06:15I am that girl that will poke the bear, right?
06:17If I know that's going to stress me out sometimes, I will keep doing it.
06:20But I want to read this interesting statistic that was posted from the APA.org.
06:26And it says 68% of Americans say that this particular election is a significant source of stress in their life.
06:33And ironically, today, the first Wednesday in November, it's National Stress Awareness Day.
06:38So the first thing I do is I engage in self-care.
06:41Again, getting up this morning, taking a bath.
06:43One of the things that I love to do is go to a nearby park and walk because it's a good way to get outside.
06:48You're in the sunlight.
06:49Hopefully, if you have good weather in your area and get those endorphins going so it puts you in a better mood.
06:54The other thing that's important that the APA suggests is focus on what you can control, right?
06:59Right now, we know they are counting the ballots in certain states.
07:03It's about four major states that are still in play.
07:05We don't know what's going to happen.
07:07And if we sit there in front of the television all day to Nedra's point, it will add to our anxiety and it will increase our stress levels.
07:15So we really have to be thoughtful and be strategic about what we let into our personal place because it's everything we want to protect our peace at all costs right now.
07:25Amen to that.
07:26And Alicia, let's talk about the race factor here, right?
07:29Because as Black people moving throughout the world and consuming news and everything, it's one thing to protect ourselves from just the election news, but also just that almost daily reminder of what it means to be Black in America and how we put that in.
07:44So what about those emotional boundaries?
07:46Because, you know, we can't forget that we are Black.
07:48We can't forget about our struggle.
07:50And that's kind of, like we all know, sort of haunting us, right?
07:53At all times and really overshadowing so much of what we try to do.
07:57So what is your advice there in terms of not internalizing that sort of daily pain?
08:03Yeah, absolutely.
08:04I would definitely echo what everyone else has said so far in regards to protecting our peace, protecting our energy.
08:11But I want to even go back to checking in with ourselves when we wake up in the morning.
08:14And so one of the things that I did when I did wake up was checking and say, what are the things that I know that are not in my capacity to do today?
08:22And then what things are within my capacity to do?
08:24And so if you, you know, I'll just do an example.
08:27If you have those dishes, you know, in your kitchen right now and you're like, oh, I really need to get the dishes done.
08:32But, you know, maybe you could put it off until this afternoon, maybe even tomorrow.
08:36Giving yourself permission to do that.
08:38Giving yourself permission to honor your boundaries and what your capacity is for today.
08:42And so that's one of the things I'll say is checking with yourself, make sure that you're nourishing yourself.
08:46And so that means that you're eating, that you're drinking water, that you're spending time outdoors if necessary, so that you can boost those endorphins, as I already mentioned before.
08:55But also being intentional about what you're consuming.
08:58And so I think sometimes we can get into this, want to be pulled into the media of like, what's happening now?
09:03What's happening now?
09:04Or even if it's not more TV, it could be more social media.
09:07And so we're constantly refreshing our feed, even when it says you're all caught up, we're still trying to refresh and find out something else.
09:13But I think it's important for us to check in with ourselves and say, what is my capacity for this moment?
09:20As I'm scrolling on social media, do I have the capacity for what I'm consuming?
09:24And then following suit and listening to yourself if that's not something you can do.
09:29Can I add one quick thing?
09:31I also encourage you, ladies, to stay connected, right, with your family, with your friends.
09:38Some of my girlfriends from middle school, we're still best friends to this day, so shout out to the crew.
09:42We had a Zoom call the night before the election, and we were just prepping one another just in case some things broke out, go to the grocery store.
09:50But we also mentioned things that we can do to encourage one another.
09:53One of my girlfriends, April, said, read Psalm 56, right?
09:56It talks about if you feel like you're threatened and how God still loves you.
10:00And we also are doing a song of the day.
10:02So one of the songs was like Earth, Wind & Fire this morning, and we're just sending each other uplifting things throughout the day.
10:08And that's kind of what we do, right?
10:10And that's, I think, the beauty of Essence and women celebrating one another and keeping one another motivated.
10:15So get your click and your crew together, and let's keep the momentum going so you can focus on, again, what you can control and focus on the joy with your friends that you love.
10:25I love that you brought that up, Shanti, because you're right.
10:28Like, we have our sisters, right?
10:29We have our family.
10:31There is an opportunity here for us to not dwell, right, in what we're feeling and for us to uplift each other when we need it most.
10:38And we should be jumping into those group chats.
10:39I love that.
10:40And, you know, since you brought it up, I would love to talk to you all about, okay, so that's an example of friendship gone well during election time, right?
10:48But there's all, I've seen a lot of people, you know, this did not start this week, but people saying, you know, if you don't agree with this or that, unfollow me.
10:57We're not friends anymore if you this or that.
11:00That's a real thing right now.
11:01The political climate and our emotional, very emotionally charged feelings about it are affecting our friendships.
11:07I've heard people say their relationships, you know, their relationships with their colleagues and beyond.
11:12Let's talk about how to handle disagreeing or not agreeing with, let's say, people in your life who you love or care about.
11:20Nedra, would you like to start?
11:22Yes.
11:23For Black people, this is, you know, largely about racism and having a candidate who has certain views, it can be very hard to continue to be in relationships with people who are supportive of that because you see it as them supporting a certain type of view and maybe not these other things that the candidates stand for.
11:50And so it's very hard to conceive that, wow, this person is my friend, they're really nice, but are they racist?
11:58Do they really think this about me?
12:01And so, yes, people are ending friendships.
12:05People are walking away from business connections because it is a very deep thing to think that they have these views that maybe, you know, you're one of the ones that may be cool.
12:16But in general, Black people may not be.
12:20And so this is the first time we've seen something like that where a candidate has this sort of racial dynamic.
12:28And so it is really tough.
12:30And I think that's a tough choice to make to end a friendship, but sometimes a necessary one.
12:37Because once you have it in your head that, wow, like, I can't trust this person or perhaps this person is thinking a certain way, I don't know what the friendship could look like after that.
12:49Even if the election goes, you know, in the way that you're thinking, you know, what does the dynamic look like when there's been this trust violation?
13:00Because our friends are people who we pick, and we pick them because typically they think like us, they have similarities.
13:09And this is highlighting the people who do not think like us, the people who are not in our corners.
13:16Now, with family, it's completely different.
13:20But with friends, we are choosing these people.
13:22And so this election has caused lots of folks to deselect their friends.
13:29I mean, even on social media, unfollow me, you know, hey, we were working out together or whatever.
13:34We can't anymore because of your view.
13:36So this situation is certainly highlighting the connections that we feel like, you know, it was a great friendship.
13:44But this is showing me that perhaps we don't have some really important values and concepts in common.
13:52Yeah, the trust is broken.
13:54Alicia, what do you think?
13:55Ken, is it healthy to be friends with someone you disagree with politically in this moment, in this climate?
14:03No, I would definitely agree with everything that Nedra said and say that it's important for us to protect our boundaries and protect, as we said so far, our energy and our peace.
14:12And so if you find that there's someone in your life that is not, you know, honoring your values, honoring your life and honoring your ability to navigate this world in a way that upholds and honors your humanity, I think it is important to then say, okay, we do need to reevaluate this friendship or this work relationship or this, you know, workout relationship and figure out, is it worth salvaging?
14:35Is this something, is this someone that I want in my life?
14:38I think that kind of going towards family is important to set boundaries with family.
14:43And so if you do have family that has differing opinions or views than you, being able to say, hey, I'm not in a space to talk about this right now.
14:50I don't want to process the election results or what's happening in this moment, because it can just be so much to have to call someone and then provide maybe emotional energy or emotional labor when talking to someone who might have differing opinions or values.
15:05And then that can affect you.
15:07And so I think that's where we kind of get into some of the effects of that racial trauma where we're already anxious, we're already experiencing stress, and then you're letting in other energies and other views and things that can further bring up that response in you.
15:19And so I think a part of you protecting your energy and your peace is being able to say, what things are disturbing that and what ways can I protect myself from that?
15:27And knowing that that's not a one-way street, that sometimes there will be these feelings of both joy, relief of having someone out of your life that has done those things or believes that way.
15:37But there also might be grief and sadness as a result of losing someone that you thought was in your corner or that was always there for you.
15:44So I want to highlight and hold space for the both end in the situation, too.
15:49And thank you for bringing that up because it's not easy to lose someone that you care about, to sever ties or a relationship, especially over an issue so close and dear to your heart, you know, in some cases even your livelihood.
16:01And so we're dealing with a lot.
16:04And that actually brings me to my next conversation that I want to have with you all.
16:09Let's actually talk for a second about how stress and anxiety are showing up for us as Black women and what it's doing to our bodies and our day-to-day lifestyle and existence.
16:19Because, you know, we cape all the time.
16:21We put the cape on.
16:22We have that superwoman tendency.
16:24We just keep going.
16:26So I'm not always convinced that we're even fully aware of how, you know, it's showing up.
16:30So, Shanti, starting with you, can you talk a little bit about how you're seeing stress show up in your own life?
16:36And, you know, when you talk to other Black women about mental health, how does it show up for us and what you would be on the lookout for?
16:41Absolutely. So I think it's showing up for me from a personal perspective.
16:48We talk about grief.
16:49You know, I lost my sister last year.
16:51So still having to like, you know, her birthday was two weeks ago.
16:55So, you know, reliving, you know, the death of my sister again is really tough for me.
17:00And then seeing some of my friends that, you know, are dealing with the stress of kind of going back to what we were just talking about.
17:07They're white friends, not really talking to them.
17:09I've been leaning into it a little bit more, just trying to be thoughtful and having those conversations, because, you know, as Black women, you know, we have this superwoman notion, right, that we can handle everything.
17:20But I'm telling my friends that don't try to be superwoman.
17:23Like, to me, that is something that we should, like, erase in our community and in our vernacular.
17:28Like, it's about being human, right?
17:31Oftentimes, you know, we're saving elections.
17:33We're saving the families.
17:34We're saving the culture.
17:35We're saving the community.
17:36And we've seen so much negativity as it relates to Black men around the election as well.
17:41And I'm not going to mention any names or anything, but it's just really stressful for us.
17:45So whether, you know, you're getting, you know, rashes or breaking out or you're using alcohol and substance abuse as coping mechanisms, like, we really, really, really need to sit down and look at and address where we feel like the stress is coming from.
17:58Again, create those boundaries and learn to, like, just, you know, delete people or block them.
18:04Like, I don't engage in a lot of the negativity on my timeline.
18:07It's my page.
18:08These are my thoughts and these are my opinions.
18:10And if you love me, then you'll allow me to express my opinion.
18:13But I'm not going to go back and forth.
18:15So I am trying to just be more thoughtful with myself about the people that I allow into my space.
18:20And then my Black sisters, especially, like, I tell them, give yourself grace to get through the day.
18:27I don't know where my company, my job, my business is going to be a week from today, six months from now.
18:33I'm not strategizing.
18:35What I am strategizing is about how to save my life and live to see another day in a pandemic, in a racial pandemic, and in this election.
18:41That was a word.
18:45Because at the end of the day, we have to think ahead, right?
18:48And we have to strategize.
18:49And we are playing the long game, right?
18:51It's our mental health here.
18:53So, Nedra, talk a little bit about, okay, so, like, I'm having breakouts.
18:58I'm eating.
18:59Like Shanti's saying, I'm experiencing these signs of stress showing up in my life.
19:04What are some steps I can take?
19:06You know, is it calling a therapist?
19:08Is it getting more rest?
19:10Like, how can I recognize this is happening and feel my feelings, but also get some help?
19:17Yeah.
19:18So, first, we have to normalize anxiety.
19:21Anxiety is not necessarily a bad emotion.
19:25It could be a very protective emotion, a very helpful emotion.
19:28And we have to think about where it's coming from, what's causing it.
19:32Because sometimes it could be very telling, right?
19:36So, if we're in danger and we're feeling anxious, then that's good.
19:40Then we know how to handle that situation.
19:43So, it's important to know why we're anxious and how to get out of that situation.
19:50So, developing a plan.
19:51If you find yourself in a situation where you're starting to have some of the physical symptoms,
19:59like rashes, not being able to sleep, stomach aches, yes, it is absolutely time to call and
20:06speak to a therapist.
20:08But certain levels of anxiety is normal.
20:11It is an emotion, just like joy, sadness, happiness.
20:15Those are feelings.
20:17And so, every time that we feel anxious, it may not need to be treated as a crisis situation.
20:25But certainly, personally, we can look into it and figure out where it's coming from,
20:31what it's trying to tell us, and what we can do about it.
20:34Now, if we sit with anxiety and we just allow it to unravel, unravel, unravel,
20:40then, again, that is problematic.
20:42But we have to come up with a solution for some of the things that are causing some of
20:48the anxieties that we're commonly having.
20:51Thank you for saying that it's not necessarily always a crisis, right?
20:57Because I think we can all agree with the pandemic coupled with the election.
21:01Everything feels like a crisis.
21:03At least it does for me.
21:04Everything's a crisis every day, every week.
21:06I'm in distress.
21:06But so, thank you for saying we have to know when to identify what, you know, is normal
21:09and everyone's going through and what we're personally going through.
21:12Alicia, how do you identify how to care for yourself better?
21:16And what advice do you give to other women about doing that when they're like, okay,
21:20this may not be a crisis, but I need to take care of me?
21:23Yes.
21:23So, one, I want to really go back to normalizing anxiety.
21:29Anxiety is typically a response to when we feel threatened.
21:32So, we feel like there's a threat coming in our life.
21:33We often go into what we would call our fight, flight, or free state or even fawn state.
21:39And so, through that state, it operates to release cortisol and adrenaline as a way of helping
21:43ourselves to protect from a threat.
21:45And so, when we are experiencing anxiety and stress, that's just our body serving to protect
21:49this, serving to make sure that we're safe in that moment.
21:52And so, I like what we've said so far around normalizing the anxiety, normalizing the stress
21:56response, and noticing that we can do things about it.
22:00Our bodies are responding, but we can do things to remind our bodies that we're safe.
22:03And so, sometimes we need different things.
22:05So, for example, right now, some people might be feeling rage.
22:08I've told Black women, and for myself especially, when I'm feeling rage, I need to release.
22:13And so, whether that means writing, whether that means dancing, whether that means I'm listening
22:17to some music that allows me to release what I'm doing in the moment, whether that even means that
22:22you have to go to your living room and, like, hit a pillow or something like that as a way of
22:26releasing the anger from your body or releasing the rage from your body, I think that's really
22:30important.
22:31Sometimes we feel like we need safety.
22:33So, that might be another thing that's coming up during this time.
22:35And so, that could look like talking to a friend, being in community or village with other people.
22:40That could also look like grabbing your weighted blanket and literally sitting in your house
22:44and, like, having that around you as a form of safety.
22:47And so, I think what is important is that we check in with ourselves and figure out what
22:50emotion am I feeling?
22:52And then, with that emotion, what do I need?
22:53And so, for me, I noticed during this time that I really needed to feel more grounded.
22:57I needed to feel more rooted.
22:59And so, I've been doing a lot more candle work.
23:01I've been having my candles burning.
23:02I have a lot of woody scents.
23:04And so, those earthy scents have been really helping me.
23:06I've also had my aromatherapy and my essential oils going in my house.
23:11And really, I've been spending time outside and just being in nature.
23:14That's been another thing that's been really helpful for me to help me feel grounded, as
23:17well as prayer, meditation, mindfulness, and other things like that, too.
23:22So, I would say really tighten up on the self-care skills.
23:26This is the time more than ever that you need to add in more stuff than you've been doing
23:30so that you can take care of yourself.
23:33Absolutely.
23:34What about you?
23:34Because I know the weighted blanket, the woodsy scents, being outdoors, all of these
23:39things have truly, I agree, Alicia, have been holding me down.
23:42Shanti, what about you?
23:44If I can just add a little bit, too, for what the ladies are talking about, a friend of mine
23:49recently had an episode, if you will, or not an episode, but a situation.
23:53And it's important to let people in, right?
23:56And to talk to somebody about your feelings and what you're going through.
23:59So, you've got to be able to recognize your feelings within yourself, and second, acknowledge
24:03them, and then process through them.
24:05So, once we talked about it, I said, girl, that was a panic attack or an anxiety attack,
24:09which can sometimes mirror as a heart attack, right?
24:13So, educate yourself.
24:15Learn about stress.
24:16Learn about anxiety.
24:16As I mentioned, again, today is National Stress Awareness Day.
24:19So, as much as you can, like, get the knowledge and get the information and figure out whether
24:24this is a short-term thing that I'm dealing with, or if your behavior pattern is changing,
24:28and you're exhibiting these signs and symptoms more and more, and maybe you might need to
24:32see a licensed professional.
24:34So, just be able to process through that.
24:36And then, in terms of techniques, there's a technique that I love.
24:38It's a breathing technique.
24:39It's called the 448, or either the 478, which is, you know, typically used in yoga.
24:44So, the idea is you breathe in for four seconds, you hold it for four, and then you exhale
24:51in a big, long eight.
24:54And I find myself doing five to ten reps of that, and it really does recenter me.
24:59Even if I'm at the red light, and someone cuts me off, and I want to yell and say a
25:04word I shouldn't be saying, I'll say, you know what?
25:05Okay, let me just stop.
25:07Breathe.
25:07But it actually works.
25:09And so, recognizing the importance of breath and learning breath work can certainly go a
25:13long way.
25:14And with my organization, Silence of Shame, we do self-care Saturday activities on our
25:20Instagram page.
25:21And so, we do sound baths, and meditation, and yoga, and workout exercises.
25:25Anything that you can do to really calm yourself.
25:28And then, there's some really incredible apps that I like for meditation.
25:31Because some people, like me, I was like, I don't really know how to meditate.
25:34It's not working for me.
25:35But guess what?
25:36There are apps that can help you through that.
25:38So, you can check out Calm, and Headspace, and Insight Timer.
25:42There's another great one called Unplug, Simple Habit.
25:45And then, one that I really think is awesome, because it was created by an African American.
25:49It's called Liberate.
25:50And it really helps you to deal with some of the microaggressions that you might face in
25:54the workplace or amongst family members.
25:55So, check out those apps.
25:57And I think those can help to recenter you as well.
25:59Thank you for sharing the app, Shanti.
26:01And thank you for also talking about how a panic attack can show up and feel like a heart
26:06attack or other things.
26:07And for emphasizing the getting care.
26:09Because I do want us to say that, you know, it's better to go to the doctor or the hospital
26:13and double check, right?
26:14Because stress can kill than to just dismiss it.
26:17But also, like you all have been saying, listen to patterns.
26:20So, I do want us to make sure that we give as many resources as possible.
26:24Shanti, of course, you kicked it off listing your favorite apps.
26:26Um, Nidra, tell me about some of your favorite tools and resources and what you'd like people
26:31to try or go to to seek help.
26:34One of my favorite resources is the notes on your phone, just every single day writing
26:41down one thing you're grateful for, or even one sentence journaling.
26:46Um, because sometimes we get so overwhelmed with the process of journaling.
26:51What do I put on paper that we don't do it?
26:54And so, making it a very doable task by saying, okay, one sentence, how was the day?
27:02Um, one sentence, what are you grateful for?
27:04That could be really helpful.
27:05Of course, all of the apps you mentioned.
27:09Um, in terms of meditation, meditation needs to be a daily practice.
27:15Um, people are typically intimidated by it because they can't remember the process.
27:21Um, I remember while in labor, they have all these different types of breaths you supposed
27:25to do at one point you, at another point you, so it's like, you know, let's just focus on
27:31breathing in and out.
27:33Um, and just paying attention to your breath, breathing in through your nose and out through
27:40your mouth and paying attention to that because we don't want to make it to where people are
27:45like, oh my gosh, I can't remember what it is.
27:48And sometimes, um, people will say that about journaling, about meditating, that it needs
27:53to be at least to start very simple so they can do it consistently.
27:59So, I would say some great practices is to use what you already have.
28:04You don't have to go out and get anything.
28:06You just need to maybe set some timers on your cell phone to remember to do these things,
28:12to remember to have the moment to journal, to remember to, um, breathe before you start
28:19work or whenever you feel like you need to, but making it a part of your day and not a
28:26part of your day when you're in crisis, but always, because sometimes we only use the tools
28:33when we need them and we need to always use the tools.
28:37So, when things come up, we're not overwhelmed.
28:40All of us have said, yeah, I woke up today and I had, you know, my eucalyptus shower gel
28:46and I went for all of these wonderful things.
28:49And it sounds like we're always practicing the tools.
28:52And so, this day is easier for us because we're consistently using the tools.
28:58And so, it's so important to figure out the easiest way to do the things that are really
29:05restorative every single day, even if it's just for five minutes, making a part of your
29:11day about you, about self-care, um, but definitely taking that time to use the tools you already
29:21have because I don't want people to be intimidated by having to get new tools.
29:25So, it's like, oh, I got to go and get this.
29:28You don't need a fancy notebook, y'all.
29:30No, you don't need a fancy notebook.
29:31Your phone.
29:32Just open your phone, open the notes section and put it right in there.
29:35Use what you already have to get started.
29:39Ladies, I cannot thank the three of you enough for holding space for Black women today, for
29:44our mental health, for helping to spread this conversation and this knowledge.
29:48Before you go, Alicia, starting with you, tell everybody where they can find more from
29:53you, reach out to you if they have any more questions.
29:56Yes.
29:57So, um, for folks that are interested in learning more about me, you can follow me on Instagram
30:01at Black and Embody.
30:03And I have my name down there, my actual name at the bottom here.
30:06And then I also have my business website, which you can follow and click on and see what I
30:11offer, blackandembody.com.
30:13Thank you so much.
30:14Shanti, what about you?
30:15Tell me where to find your accounts of change.
30:17That's 404 on Instagram and, uh, at silencetheshame on Instagram and our website is silencetheshame.com.
30:27I just want to add, if you're looking for a therapist, you can go to therapyforblackgirls.com
30:32or therapyforblackmen.org or betterhelp.com or psychologytoday.com.
30:37And lastly, one of the things that I do, um, is I, in terms of utilizing what I already have,
30:43I utilize the reminder, um, feature on my phone and I started this new thing every day
30:48at four o'clock and I'm sorry, at 12 o'clock and four o'clock, I set a reminder and I pray
30:53for someone else and it has really, and I'm only been doing it for two weeks, but I got
30:58to tell you, it has been the best thing and it's a way to help me de-stress and to really
31:03put my focus on trying to help someone else and sending positive love and energy in another
31:08direction.
31:08So being able to focus your stress outward, right, on something else can go a long way
31:14as well.
31:14I love that.
31:15And it's another great thing to do with your girls.
31:17Everybody set your alarm for 12, pray together, pray for each other.
31:20Call it your talk.
31:22I love that.
31:24And Nedra, what about you?
31:25Where can we find more from you?
31:27Where can everyone reach out if they have questions?
31:29Yes.
31:30So I am Nedra Tawwab on Instagram and that page is fairly active.
31:35One more thing about self-care, since we are in a pandemic, I know so many, especially
31:42parents, cannot find the time to take care of themselves, but I would encourage that folks
31:49wake up at least 10 minutes earlier to get a jumpstart on some of those self-care practices.
31:56So just making sure that you can find that time, just waking up a little bit early or going
32:02to be a little bit later and having that time for yourself.
32:07Ladies, thank you all so very much.
32:09Hang in there today.
32:10Obviously, you all have the tools and the resources, so continue to have the best day
32:14that you can.
32:15Thank you, everyone.
32:16Remember, feel your feelings, share your feelings, and take care of yourself.
32:20Thank you so much.
32:21Thank you so much.
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