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00:00make some noise new orleans welcome back to essence festival culture presented by coca-cola
00:13my name is atoya burleson wife mother of three and host of inside lines podcast as well as
00:19atoya burleson.com as a wife and mommy with the career life can get hectic and so we think about
00:26everything that's going on in our lives and we want to shout out all the moms how many moms are
00:31in the building today listen shout out to you because we know it's not easy today we're going
00:39to talk to two other super moms in the house welcome to the stage britney bonfons of ordinarily
00:46extraordinary mom and jamie johnson of black new orleans mom okay mama let's dive right into the
00:54conversation tell me about your families how many kids you have what's your platform all about
01:00britney we'll start with you i am britney bonifons i am britney bonifons i have three kids two boys
01:10that are nine they are not twins that's a question everybody asks me they're eight months apart
01:14and one girl who was seven she's the baby my platform is about not only like living and being
01:22like the best mom that we can be but recognizing what life is outside of motherhood and the fact
01:28that that's going to look different for everyone all moms are not the same it's so true great jamie
01:34what about you so i am jamie i have two sons so they're 14 and 10 and so my platform is really
01:42just supporting black mothers in new orleans so we want to just create that safe space for us to come
01:47together there are a lot of different blogging communities in new orleans but they're just not
01:52always culturally inclusive for us that's so true tell us what prompted you to start your blog
01:57um so i was looking for that safe space i was looking for moms um that i can have a community with
02:03and so i was like other moms have to be searching for this too um so that is mostly you know the reason
02:09why me but i knew there were so many other moms out there that could be looking to just
02:14you know want to talk about kids and um postpartum depression there's just so many things that we can
02:21talk about it is true because when you think about it as a mother we do so much but who do we talk to
02:27about the things that we're going through right we're so we're so busy giving to others so it is nice to
02:32take the time and think about okay there's someone else out there just like me that needs this
02:37information so i commend you for doing that how about you britney i was overwhelmed i was i i knew
02:46like we had prepared yeah to be to be parents with my son but i was just like this is a lot and there
02:53has to be someone else out there who feels like being a mom is a lot and so the blog started off as
03:00just me like okay is there anyone else out here who just cannot figure out because you see all these
03:06moms doing all these things and you're like how how is that happening and then look at her and look
03:12at her house and why is my and so anyways so a lot of my blog was figuring out like what other moms out
03:20there what are y'all doing how are you getting it done there's got to be someone else that's
03:25overwhelmed what do you do when you get overwhelmed so it was kind of like like you said it was a safe
03:30space for moms who also felt like okay i don't have it all together let's figure out how to make
03:38it without having it all together it's so true you spoke your truth you know and i think a lot of the
03:45time as women we don't do that quite often so it's like you tell your friend something and then the
03:51whole room's like yeah me too me too and you're like why do you guys tell me so it's important to
03:55speak your truth because then we all can be in it together and we can figure it out together so
03:59i love that let's talk about your busy lives because you're managing everything as moms right
04:06your career your families how do you find balance in all of that
04:11jamie you want to start so for me it's just uh having a support group so um just you know really
04:23leaning on my husband and our family and friends so like just the black new orleans mom it's a group of
04:29less um so it's not just me so leaning on them like leaning on your friends that you know will
04:34have your back yeah that's good i agree a community is i'm a community my husband i agree my friends i
04:42agree um not feeling like you have to do it by yourself yes that part um i am a prayer i am a huge like
04:51okay we need to prioritize this day there's a lot that we have to get done
04:56and so what needs to be done today right now before the house falls apart and what can wait
05:01um the other thing is that i also have learned like with balance we i feel like when people say
05:10balance you think of these equal cups and everything i am this is the house part and this is the job part
05:16and this is the kids part and this is the fun part and all of them have to be 20 or 25 i'm a math
05:21nerd so anyways they all have to be the same and i just think that that's not necessarily what balance
05:27is sometimes balance is i needed an entire day just to rest and not look and think about this house
05:34and then tomorrow balance is i cleaned the whole house from top to bottom and now i went to bed and
05:40it was great and don't touch anything yeah and then but it's not always equal parts of everything
05:46and once we recognize that as moms it helps us to kind of take away that pressure to be everything
05:54to everyone and to give it to other people like you said give it to my husband this is yours it's
05:59your day tag yes you're it i'll be upstairs watching reruns for five hours don't bother me
06:05no it's true my personality is a lot no it's true though i think as women you do have to realize that
06:12you don't have to do everything it's okay to pass the baton to someone else that you know we're a team
06:18so you can kind of give some to your kids responsibility chores same to your husband say
06:23i can't do this so those things are so important as well as realizing self-care is everything and if
06:29we don't take care of ourselves first we can't take care of everyone else yeah we're gonna be a hot
06:34mess so it's important to really prioritize that you know as part of what you're doing is balance
06:40like you said sometimes you might need 30 minutes sometimes you might need a day and that's okay
06:45so i love that can i ask you a question based on that you said self-care yes what are some self-care
06:50things that you do to make sure that you can take care of all the other pieces so my my thing is self-care
06:57sunday and it kind of worked out that way i started talking about it a lot um on my blog because i realized
07:04as a mom that i needed to work on taking care of myself more and that i was wearing myself thin you know
07:10you burn out if you don't take care of yourself so it looks different each sunday like one sunday i
07:17could just be up in my room i can read a book um i may want to go get a facial um i don't really decide
07:24on what it is until i'm in the moment of what i need because every day is different right so what
07:30you need one sunday may be different than another sometimes i just might want to go around and go to
07:36target and get a starbucks and just push the cart around not even knowing what i'm going for
07:41but it's just my time right so i'm doing what i want to do so that's that to me is self-care
07:47i agree yeah like whenever i do that i call myself my day date like my me date right i'm going to target
07:55by myself i'm gonna stay there for two hours and i'm just gonna shop around with my starbucks cup
08:01i might put a few things back because i don't need them you know yeah spend all that money but
08:05yeah definitely need the me dates so important let's talk about something else that moms um i feel
08:12like we need more of what are some tools and resources that you guys use every day to help
08:17you master mommyhood okay so i am very type b okay so the organizers of the world every time i look at
08:27y'all i am so excited about life i'm like oh that is wonderful but i can't like it takes me all day
08:36i'm like oh i can't do that so i have a list in my phone because i've tried planners i've tried
08:41i have a list in my phone and i i literally mind dump everything onto that list that needs to be i'm
08:48talking about from wipe the tables to the kid has a game at 5 30 you're laughing i'm serious the kid
08:54has a game at 5 30 to i need to wipe down the toilet to i need to go pick up the toys like
09:00whatever it is i put it on that list and then again go back to the prioritizing what on that
09:07list needs to be done today they can't miss their game clearly 5 30 which means we need to leave the
09:13house at 5 um the tables do need to be wiped or else you get bugs we don't need bugs we live in
09:18louisiana there's lots of bugs the tables do need to be wiped like what on that list needs to be done
09:23today and what can wait until tomorrow or the weekend because i work during the week there's a
09:29lot of stuff that can wait till saturday but i feel like it has to be done today yeah that's good
09:35hello jamie for me it's i do the mind dumping but i do have planners so proud of you yes and i
09:42i wake up super early so i'll wake up at 5 30 to do a quick like virtual workout and then i have
09:48until 7 30 until the kids get up to just spend some time with me and focus on that planner and what
09:54else i need to get you know done throughout the day yeah i i like planners too but listen i i like
10:02planners because it's like my base you know it's kind of where you start and then from there if
10:06things you have to change something you know you you might have to there might be an audible that
10:10comes up and you have to switch it up but you still have that to revert back to i just can't
10:15fit everything in my mind you know i i would be crazy so and a lot of the time i put a lot of my
10:20planner stuff in my phone as well like you said it you know the main things like you said you can't
10:25miss the kids games you got to go pick this up like those things are in there if something doesn't
10:29get done it's okay you know do you carry can i ask you i know i'm trying i'm wrapping my mind around
10:35this planner thing do y'all carry them like in your purse is it like a set location like what if
10:42i think of something in the car i'm like hey yeah that really needs to be done but my planner
10:47is in the back seat under the bottom a planner for me i'm an early bird so i get up early a planner for
10:57me is just looking it over figuring out what i have for the day making sure if it's something i need
11:01to put in my phone and put a reminder on my phone that i do that but if something comes up in real
11:07time i'm okay with that you know i don't i don't follow it like oh no this was this was number three
11:13i can't go to number three because i haven't done number two like it's still it's just something that
11:16kind of a base to start with and then just build from there yeah i have like my planner is for events
11:23like to remind me like i need to i have all this stuff going on right but then i use my phone for tasks
11:28so okay the wiping the counters and all that that's on my phone like sending me reminders oh
11:34don't forget you needed to do this this and this that's impressive that's impressive
11:40listen i'm sorry let's move on because her mind is blown right now let's talk about your village
11:51because we all have a village um i think your village is so important it could be anyone in
11:57your world talk about who's your village and what makes you better because of your village
12:04you want to start jamie yeah i feel like my village is my family but also my organization so black new
12:11orleans mom it's a group of moms um and we create this space for you know moms in new orleans um but
12:19it's also a space for us so they're my village but also my husband is yeah my huge village right i have
12:25to rely on him for i couldn't do black new orleans mom without my husband so true um so yeah mostly
12:29the group of moms that i've created around me and my family that's good um i'm the same my husband is
12:37huge and making sure that is britney okay is she gonna fall apart is everything gonna fall apart
12:44no really like just making sure the day today like is she okay everything okay i have friends like
12:52you said friends having other friends who are moms especially me as a working mom is because i need
12:59other people who are working like me everybody i'm gone from seven in the morning until probably six
13:06at night because of track practice and so it's like now you have to scram the rest of your day into
13:11this and who else has been there and other moms who are like okay well this is how this is how i do it
13:16i set a reminder yes i do this i i they i like other people who get that so i have friends who
13:23are mom friends my sister is amazing because she allows me i have a commute in the morning that's
13:31about 30 to 45 minutes depending on the day and i am i can say whatever like the venting the stuff you
13:39don't get to say at work because it's not correct to say at work you'll lose your job i can say that
13:45kind of stuff to my sister um the stuff that you can't say to your children about i can't tell my
13:50child every day you're driving me crazy can't tell him that but i can tell my sister that my child is
13:55driving me crazy or whoever the case may be it allows for the to you need someone it to vent to
14:02and i don't always want it to be my husband like i don't want him to feel like oh here she comes
14:08here comes the dump but my sister never is never bothered by that so between my friends and my
14:14husband and my sister it helps for when because i really do i love raising my kids i enjoy my time
14:21with my kids and those people allow for my time with my kids to allow to be the best kind of mom
14:29i can offer them i don't know if i said that correctly but no you're right yeah it's it's true
14:34you know you need your husband you need your friends you need everybody for different things even if it's
14:40something as simple as a carpool so you don't have to go get this one because you got to go get the
14:44other one and you know just those those little bits of help are huge so i think my village i think
14:51my husband i think my uh friends that are willing to step in um anyone that's just been in my world
14:57to just kind of make it a little lighter it does help or to listen like you said just someone that can
15:02listen it makes a huge difference so i just want to thank you guys shout out to britney bonifons and
15:11jamie johnson thank you for sharing um once again their blogs are black new orleans mom as well as
15:18ordinary extraordinary mom so thank you guys so much
15:22thank you
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