00:00You ain't present anywhere in your life, and that's what people feel, but more important
00:09than not being present in your life, you ain't present for you.
00:18A huge fan of the show, been a fan from the beginning, so, you know, it was crushed to
00:23know these are the last episodes.
00:25Can you tell me about, you know, deciding that now was the time to bring the show to the
00:30clothes?
00:31Spirit just guided me, say it's time to go, so it's time to go.
00:35I don't have to have a reason, I don't have to know what's coming, you know, everything
00:40must change.
00:42Yeah, yeah.
00:44You know, over the years, you've helped so many families, I think just generational curses
00:50and issues, you know, across sexual abuse, addiction, so many things.
00:54Are there episodes or families that have stuck with you over the years as some of the more
01:01powerful episodes?
01:04I wouldn't say more powerful, I think the more people.
01:09Yeah.
01:10You know, clearly the Mitchell family, Jay Williams and his 34 children and nine baby mamas.
01:17We have a beautiful family this season that you'll see, the Giles family, we ended them
01:23the last season with them.
01:26But it's really, then we had, I think it was the six daughters, I don't remember the name,
01:35the six daughters trying to reunite with their mother.
01:38Yeah.
01:38Uh, so it's, you know, I, I just remember the issues and the work, um, and I, what I hold
01:50on to is the issues that most of the viewers can identify with.
01:56Yeah.
01:56And I think most people can identify with mother-daughter breakdown, sister-sister breakdown,
02:01um, and also trying to get your children's father to do the right thing.
02:06Right.
02:08You know, because of you, people regularly talk about like, do the work, you need to do
02:12your work.
02:13You know, how does that feel for you just knowing the impact that you've had?
02:18Well, I don't think it's me as much as it is the show.
02:21I believe that Fix My Life created a whole new genre of television that lets us know we
02:27can talk about the things that were unspeakable and that we can heal the things that we thought
02:33were unhealable, that we forgive the things that were unforgivable.
02:38Um, and I think it's created a template that others will follow at some point in time.
02:46I think it's just made a contribution to families and communities in a way that's very powerful.
02:53Yeah.
02:53And what have you learned about yourself over the years working on this show?
02:59Um, what have I learned about myself?
03:03Um, I've learned how much work I have done on myself.
03:08I've learned how much work I still have to do on myself.
03:12Yeah.
03:12Um, I've learned, um, how to listen at a much deeper level.
03:20Um, and I, I've always been a pretty good listener.
03:24Um, but I've learned how much, how, how to listen even deeper.
03:30Um, I think the biggest lesson for me is how to do, how to sacrifice without being deprived.
03:42You know, fix my life required the sacrifice of a lot of time, a lot of energy, all of my
03:50relationships.
03:51Um, and, but because I loved it, there was no complaining.
03:58There was no deprivation.
04:00Yeah.
04:01So the power of sacrifice and surrender.
04:04Okay.
04:04Um, uh, back in 2013, I interviewed you when I worked with Madame Noir, uh, and we had,
04:11you know, a viral moment.
04:13We talked about black women and boundaries and you said we were out of order.
04:17We're still out of order.
04:21You're not even going to let me set up the question.
04:23You said, well, tell me, you know, you said if we understood who we were, we would not
04:28let other people define us and confine us in that.
04:31You said we're demeaned, diminished, demoralized in ways we accommodate.
04:35Tell us why you say we're still out of order.
04:38Um, I think now because we get paid to be out of order now.
04:42Okay.
04:42Um, you know, um, some of the images that we allowed to be portrayed of us, some of the
04:52ways that we behave and treat each other publicly.
04:55Yeah.
04:56Uh, and we've made a lot of progress.
04:58I, I, I want to look at the sweet spots also.
05:00I mean, we've got a woman of color in the white house.
05:03We've got women of color in Congress everywhere.
05:07I think on the personal level down on the ground, we still need to do some work.
05:12And I don't blame us.
05:14I just say that the way we've been conditioned and programmed and educated, um, doesn't afford
05:22us the ability to really tap into and live fully who we are.
05:28And then we engage in bad behavior, just bad behavior.
05:35Now, what you said at the, at the time, I think you said something about boo-boo with
05:38no paycheck, dealing with him crying and running by.
05:41Uh, you know, uh, and, and, you know, this is hard.
05:48It's hard because it's, um, I love us.
05:53Uh, and so I want to fully step into my role as an elder and be able to say things that you
06:02may not like, but you will at least respect.
06:05And I, the way we are moving in the world, it's time for us to close our legs, close your legs,
06:16open your heart, and let's get clear before we keep making the same mistakes over and over and over.
06:25Um, because the men are, they're, they're, they're, they're, you know, they're trying to get
06:29theyself together and we are so far ahead of them, but we don't really occupy that space.
06:37And so we keep getting in these transient relationships, bringing children in when we're
06:44unprepared, they're unprepared.
06:47The number of children in foster care, the number of children in, um, just difficult situations.
06:54And I know what it's like to start out and think everything's going to go well.
07:00And then a year, two years in, you're like, okay, what happened?
07:05So we've got to be a little more prepared on the front end.
07:09So we don't have such difficulty on the black, on the black end, on the black back end.
07:16Right.
07:16And, you know, I say that because I love us and I love children and I just want us,
07:23I just want us to do better and be better.
07:25Well, lastly, you know, I know you said, you don't have to know what's next or,
07:29you know, anything after the show, but, you know, are there things you're hoping for or,
07:32or some ideas, you know, of what we may see from you next?
07:37Well, what I'm working on right now, that's going to begin in May,
07:41is I'm doing a process to heal the trauma of sexual abuse.
07:46Because it's so rampant in our community and it's up in the universe.
07:51I mean, every place you look, he touched me, she touched me, they touched me.
07:56And so as someone who's been through that experience,
08:01for so many people, it's not the experience, it's the trauma of the experience.
08:07And many of us are still living in that trauma.
08:10So I'm offering a process in May to support women in releasing the trauma of sexual abuse
08:19so that we can really begin to move differently in the world.
08:23Yeah.
08:24It doesn't have to be so hard.
08:26Yeah.
08:26So that's really what I want to do.
08:28I want to take the global teaching of Fix My Life and bring it to more intimate settings
08:33where I can interact with people in a more intimate and personal way.
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