00:00Poet Audre Lorde once wrote,
00:24Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it's self-preservation.
00:29And that is an act of political warfare.
00:33A self-identified Black, lesbian, warrior poet,
00:37Lorde saw the choice of the most marginalized groups to self-love as a revolutionary act.
00:45She Wins Leadership Institute is a program I designed my sophomore year of college
00:49for girls in my hometown of Newark, New Jersey, who lost a parent or sibling to homicide, like I did.
00:55My father was killed leaving his store when I was seven.
01:01I wanted to make a program that served girls who shared a story similar to my own
01:06and that would serve a direct need in our city.
01:08I wanted to give them something that I wish I had at their age.
01:11What's a winner? How would you describe a winner?
01:14Hey, everyone, if you're ready to hear, keep it up.
01:15I'm going to try to come to everybody.
01:17I'm just going to go just wait for this one.
01:19A winner is when they think about the goal and not about anything.
01:23So they keep their eyes on the prize, but they think about a goal and say focus. Good.
01:27A winner is a person who works hard.
01:30They work hard.
01:30Anyone else?
01:31I'm hearing goals.
01:33They accomplish things.
01:34A winner is a person who never fails.
01:37They never fail.
01:38I don't know who we can have a good discussion about, but that's a good one.
01:40Could you be a winner if you fail, but then you try again?
01:43Yeah.
01:44Everybody give me some thumbs up if you agree what we're hearing.
01:47Okay, good.
01:47Now, I want an example from you all.
01:49Give me a time of your life.
01:50I notice young black girls now more than I ever did.
01:54I'm fearful for them as much as I am hopeful, you know.
01:57I see so much in them, how much they have survived or will soon be forced to endure.
02:04The world ain't easy for a young black girl.
02:06I'm inspired by them, though, for real.
02:10I notice their innocence, the light in their eyes, the potential that them simply being
02:15alive and smiling means, the hope that they bring to the world for me.
02:21In the beginning of the program, for some of the girls, the act of voicing their emotions,
02:27opinions, or fears was the most frightening thing of all.
02:30I see it in the way many of the girls look to the floor when they speak or sometimes opting
02:36to say nothing at all.
02:38They have learned silence and prefer it to the risk of hearing their own voice.
02:43I know what that feels like.
02:44My life has been a constant grapple with inner thoughts that tell me that I am not enough.
02:50Teaching the girls to trust themselves and their voice has been a process.
02:54As she wins, we start and end every day with a winner's circle.
02:59We use a high, a low, and a shout out to another girl in the group.
03:03Hi, guys.
03:04All right, anybody, you want to start?
03:05My high for the week, graduating from eighth grade, going off to high school.
03:10I had a test today, and I passed the bitch and bark by 13 points.
03:16Hey, okay.
03:17My high would be finishing my soccer season off with a record of 9-3.
03:24My high is making the shoes.
03:26By the end of the program, the girls went from complimenting each other on things like
03:30new shoes to complimenting each other on showing other girls kindness and support during that
03:36day's group project.
03:37Over time, they started to find the freedom to feel vulnerable and still feel safe.
03:42But most of all, they started to believe they were enough.
03:45On our three-day trip to Washington, D.C. for the Girl Up Leadership Summit, the girls
03:53really struggled to engage or even feel confident.
03:57It was their first time being in a space where they felt that everyone else had the privilege
04:02of being rich, suburban, and white.
04:05They questioned everything.
04:06Their hair, their skin, the way they spoke.
04:09I pulled all the girls to my room and held a winner's circle about the fear and anxiety
04:14they were feeling.
04:16I reminded them that they were just as talented and bright as any other girl at the conference.
04:21For the next two days of the conference, I saw them return to the girls that I knew.
04:26This is a community, like, it's just a hood.
04:33And I feel like if I'm down or if I need just to pick me up, I can go to any one of y'all.
04:38It's just having my, like, quote-unquote sisters, which I would be able to just lean on if I need anything.
04:47When I first came here, like, I really didn't know anybody at all.
04:50When you just sit down and you talk to people, you get to know a lot about them.
04:54And you create, like, celestia, a sisterhood between all of y'all.
05:00I think people used to, like, talk about me in school because I didn't really say anything
05:06or because I just sat out or sit by myself.
05:10And now I learn how to use my voice to express how I feel.
05:14This fight for was right to say what I wanted to say.
05:18After my niece was murdered, I felt like my life was over.
05:23I doubted myself.
05:25I stepped back a lot.
05:28And by joining SheWins, it helped me step back up and realize that I have to be motivated.
05:34And everything that I do, I have to do it in my niece's name.
05:37When I first came to SheWins, I was a shy, mean person.
05:40But now, as everybody can say, I'm a nice person.
05:43And I've really grown a lot and have realized that I can't let my anger get to the best of
05:48me and accept the fact that my niece has been murdered and just continue with my life.
06:08The act of self-love isn't easy.
06:11It takes time.
06:13It takes effort.
06:14But the more you dedicate time to loving yourself and surrounding yourself by people
06:20who are encouraging you to do the same, there is no such thing as a barrier.
06:29Every time I'm around them and I see them, I'm inspired to want to be better, to do better, to do more.
06:35And so SheWins has changed my life because all of my girls are winners.
06:38And they just inspire me every day.
06:49For my girls, self-love means believing in yourself, even when you feel alone in the world and doubt creeps into your thoughts.
06:57I think of what I know now that I wish I knew years ago.
07:00I plan to tell them everything.
07:02Black girl magic means to me radical self-love.
07:06Black girl magic means to me and to really leave my place.
07:24Black girl magic means to me and my brother.
07:26Well, it's a dream.
07:29OK, broken.
07:29Bye for now.
07:30Watch out.
07:31Bye.
07:32Bye.
07:32Bye.
07:34Bye.
07:34We'll see you next time.
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