- 22 hours ago
Felicia Leatherwood and Teyonah Parris talk about talking care of themselves and how to stay level-headed during these trying times with Associate Beauty Editor Jennifer Ford.
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00:00Hello, my name is Jennifer Ford, and thank you for joining me today for our conversation around
00:08how we cope. As you know, our community is battling two deadly viruses, COVID-19 and racism.
00:15As we could bat these challenges in our community, creating moments of self-care has never been more
00:21important. Not only are we in need of a cure for COVID-19, justice and equality, but we're also
00:28in need of restoration. So joining me today to discuss ways in which we can make time for
00:33ourselves and incorporate self-care into our new normal, I have with me celebrity natural hairstylist
00:39Felicia Leatherwood and actress and producer Tiana Paris. Ladies, welcome. Thank you. Thanks for
00:47having me. Hi. No, thank you both for joining me today. I know that there is a lot going on in the
00:54world, you know, out there and at home that needs our attention. So you just making time to be here
01:01with me today to discuss ways in which we can care for ourselves during these difficult times
01:06is extremely appreciated. So thank you. Tiana, I wanted to start with you and just see how you've
01:12been doing because as you know, we're dealing with COVID-19, we're dealing with racism. So I'm curious
01:17to know what you've been doing to like manage the stress and anxiety of it all.
01:24You know, it's kind of morphed as the time has gone on. Like we've been in quarantine like three,
01:31four months now. And I found that what I was doing before has changed. So really what's maintained is
01:39trying to take a deep breath and just process, you know, process everything that's happening. But at the
01:46same time, sometimes I'm having to shut things off and compartmentalize and that's probably not
01:51healthy. But you know, survival mode. But at this point in the with quarantine and the coronavirus and
02:01all of that, I think I'm starting to be able to lift some of those compartment doors and morph
02:07everything together and feel like, okay, I can do a little bit of this today. I could do a little bit
02:12of that. And on top of, you know, racism has been around forever. That part's not new. So that's a
02:19constant. But I think the fact that we're all quarantined with nothing else to do has made it
02:25so much more present for people. Namely, our white friends, people who are not black or brown who have
02:35not experienced this or been close to it in that way with nothing else to do. It's just right here in
02:40your face. Yeah, I would say right now, it's just that that's where I'm at. I'm figuring I've
02:48learning how to combine the activism, the self care, all of that. And for me, that looks like,
02:54okay, taking a part of the day to call who I need to call to get online, do whatever research I need
03:01to do, even if it's just an hour, just trying to do something. And, and also just self care,
03:06like working out, breathing, simple stuff, y'all. I agree. And self care, it looks different
03:17for everybody. And for you, it's compartmentalizing. So Felicia, what type of activities have you been
03:22incorporating into your new normal, you know, to kind of help you adjust with the anxiety and stress
03:27of it all? Um, I have been doing sipping paints on zoom. Sometimes we'll have brunch on Sundays,
03:36on zoom, and in the kitchen with each other, like what you cook in a day girl, okay, I'm gonna have
03:42this and then we sit down and have our mimosas and toast to each other. I listen to a lot of music.
03:47And I love to dance, even if it's just a party of me. So I'll put on music, I dance around the house,
03:54usually music is playing all the time in my home. Um, I've been working out a lot, uh, taking walks,
04:01um, and, and meditating. I joined this one day, uh, meditation with Deepak Chopra with a group
04:10and the meditation. And, um, and then I listened to things at night when I sleep. Uh, I, I put essential
04:20oils in my hands and I smell them and I take them in. I look at the flowers in my yard and the bees
04:26and the hummingbirds. It's the little tiny things that we overlook from running around working that
04:32I start to take notice of and appreciate. And I've also been probably diving a little bit deeper
04:39into looking more at the universe instead of just the world. So I've been watching documentaries
04:45about planets and it just helps me escape a lot of things. Um, the flip side of that in terms of
04:53like what Tiana was saying about being an activist, I'm not, um, I'm kind of quiet in terms of being
05:01out, but I have a lot of groups where we've come together to talk about how to make a better future
05:09for the people that are coming after us. And it's, it's a very positive conversation because a lot
05:17of healing needs to happen in our community. Uh, and so as we're going through these different talks
05:23and the hurt comes out, we are then trying to hold each other in a space virtually that can support
05:32the emotion of that person and what they're going through. So I'm a part of a lot of groups like this
05:38where we are holding emotional space with each other and for each other so that we can figure
05:44out where the healing starts, you know? And in those groups, do you ever come across women who feel
05:51guilty for taking time to carve out space for themselves and to incorporate self-care into their
05:57day-to-day lives? Like what, what advice do you give those women who feel guilty for taking a moment
06:02to themselves? Well, the interesting thing is as a hairstylist, and I do a lot of consultations,
06:10women have always felt guilty about taking care of themselves. I mean, if I've been in this business
06:1520 something years, it's, it's why they come see us is because they don't really know how to do self
06:23care at home or go to a spa or go to a gym or detox, you know, or meditate. We don't do yoga.
06:31I remember at one point women were talking about on YouTube, hanging their head over the side of the
06:36bed so that they could get oxygen to grow their hair. And my answer to that was like, why not do
06:42yoga? Why not take care of the mind, body, and the spirit all at one time? Why is it always just,
06:48I want to grow my hair? And so I think a lot of women of color does, we don't know what it looks
06:53like to self care or to go to a spa. I have a friend who's a masseuse and she said that every time
06:59she goes to maybe a party or an event, black women are the one who are least unlikely to get a
07:06massage. We have issues about being touched in that way. It takes a lot of people to a bad space
07:13or they don't want to be vulnerable to have someone relax them. So all of these are like levels of
07:20healing, whether it's hair, mind, body. A lot of people just, they go to, to the Bible or the church
07:27for self healing, but you also have to do some things, some work at home too.
07:33I agree. And a lot of self care also involves creating boundaries and quieting the voices of
07:39naysayers. You know what I mean? And so Tiana, I'm curious to know in what ways have you established
07:45boundaries during this time so that you can manage all of this the way you, the way you need and the
07:51way you want. I've become okay leaving people on read. Like I don't have the space for it. If it
07:58takes me a few days to get, to respond to this, whatever it is, um, then it takes me a few days.
08:08Um, and that's really been a challenge for someone who, you know, we're so work culture,
08:17work culture, like got to do it, got to do it. Um, got to answer these emails, got to do X, Y, Z. And
08:22it's like, okay, I can't, I don't physically have the space mentally and emotionally to deal with this
08:30you friends, even friends, not just work stuff. Um, but work stuff too. It's like there at a certain
08:36point, I could not get out of the bed for, I think it was like a day and a half. I was just so
08:44overwhelmed by everything that was happening. Um, we actually have had a couple of family members
08:52pass away from coronavirus and then, and then to, um, see everything that was happening racially and
09:01with, uh, George Floyd and every, everybody else who's coming, Breonna Taylor, um, all of that
09:08happening. And, and I felt like I didn't know what to do. Like I, in my little space, I was like,
09:16what do I do on top of the fact that the people who I love, who are my family are black. They look
09:24like George Floyd. They look like Breonna Taylor. So every time my loved one leaves the house, I have
09:31this whole other level of anxiety just because they want to walk down the street and I'm freaking out.
09:36And I'm like, that's not fair to put that on you, but I don't know what to do with, with this. Um,
09:42I don't know what to do with the fact that I'm looking at my niece and nephews. Like,
09:46how do I help? How do I help? I felt so helpless. Um, so that is one thing that I have learned,
09:54which is it's okay to not be okay. And to just leave people where they are until I get myself
10:00together. And for the most part, everybody has understood. And I think most people are doing
10:06some version of that themselves and just not taking it personally. It's like, look,
10:11I needed a day or five, you know, like, I can't even talk to you today about this, about anything.
10:19I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk. And I feel like, I feel like people are understanding
10:24that it's okay to do what works best for them. You know what I mean? And not feel guilty about it.
10:30And sometimes that even includes doing our hair or doing our beauty routine, you know? And so I'm
10:36just curious to know from the both of you, if in this time at all, has your beauty routine shifted
10:41in any way, um, during this time? And if so, how has it helped, you know, in this situation?
10:47Definitely mine's has. I mean, can y'all see this skin? I got a little glowing, honey.
10:56I've been seeing hair on my skin really well. You know, I get to work out more because I'm always
11:02traveling or on set. Um, I've been doing like, uh, different types of hair masks. Look, I don't
11:07have no hair, but I've been doing hair masks. I've been doing my black and beautiful.
11:11Uh, I have been giving myself pedicures and detox, foot baths and massage. I got a whole
11:21home of spa over here. So you haven't figured out. And has doing those things, doing your
11:30beauty rituals help? Like what feeling does that, um, give you in doing those things?
11:36And when we come out of this, I won't completely look like a Oompa Loompa. So that's, uh, but
11:43the other thing is that I realized how important it is for me to take that time out and I need
11:49it. And I feel, um, like productive, like I'm giving myself something back, you know, instead
11:58of always depleting my energy, giving, giving, talking about this, talking about that hair,
12:02you know, I'm giving back to me. So every little thing, like I was saying earlier, really does help
12:09us feel a little bit better. And, you know, black folks, we stress, we got a lot of stress.
12:15So that's one of my least favorite questions. A lot of times people go, you know, you go to
12:20doctor's office. They're like, are you stressed? And you're like, well, I had to tell a doctor one
12:24day I'm single and black in America. Yes. So, you know, but these little things you do,
12:31they all help. I drink teas. Tiana, what about you? How has your beauty routine shifted during
12:36this time? I'm kind of the opposite of what Felicia said. This, this is the most I've done
12:43in four months, honey. I have not done anything that I did not want to do. I think for me,
12:51it's always the other way where I'm on set, getting done up, getting my hair done, getting
12:56my makeup done. It has been really nice to do nothing. If y'all could see my eyebrows,
13:03they, I have, my unibrow has come in. Like, I'm like, I haven't seen you in forever because
13:10every, you know, two, three weeks you're going to get it, uh, uh, threaded or waxed. So, um,
13:17yeah, I've just kind of been doing nothing and it's been great. The only thing I do,
13:24which is so like Felicia said, I don't come out with looking crazy, um, is keeping up with
13:30my hair. Obviously you got to do something. So like every two weeks I'm washing it, um,
13:37or I'll do like a deep condition, but I've really been in protective styles, which is just twisting
13:43it back up and, uh, in single twists and then putting that all in a ponytail so I can work
13:49out and sweat and be okay. And then every long couple of weeks, I'll try something fun. Like
13:55I did a video with like trying Bantu knot out and things like that just because I have the time
14:02and I was like, okay, that was cute. All right, I'm done. That took all day. I don't want to do that
14:07again anytime soon. So it's been nice to do nothing, which is also, you know, self-care,
14:15self-care. Exactly. Deanna, those videos you did were good. People love that. They love to see you
14:21in your hair. Thank you. It was fun. I am not very tech savvy, so it's the editing and that,
14:29that keeps me from doing more, but that stuff stresses me out. So I'm like, oh guys,
14:35that might be the only one. And I think that's a good point. Um, from, or great segue to my next
14:41question, because we are still in quarantine, even though cities are slowly reopening, a lot of us are
14:47still in quarantine, which means we're still doing our own hair. And it means that a lot of us still
14:51have not seen our hairstylists during this time. So what tips can you give, um, you know, people at
14:58home who are struggling with their hair or who even have anxiety about going to see their hairstylist
15:04once salons reopen, how can they care for their hair at home? What are some things they can do?
15:09There are a few things. So you start by getting my black is beautiful first. Okay. And then you go
15:15watch insecure and ideas from watching all those hairstyles I've created on Issa. Um, I think this
15:25last season, everybody was like, Oh my God. It was blowing up. I mean, it's, you know, um, but I also
15:36do, uh, get cute while quarantine with Felicia Leatherwood on Saturdays. Usually I did a whole
15:42dedication to texture for sea hair, which Tiana was a part of. Thank you. And I've been doing a lot
15:50of private hair consultations and wow, I can't tell, you know, if I had a dollar for every time
15:59someone told me they didn't like their hair, it's, uh, I would, you wouldn't even, I wouldn't have to
16:05do hair anymore. So I'm trying to figure out how to help people heal from that because someone told
16:11them it wasn't good enough and they took that on. And so I'm just, it's the mind I'm trying to work
16:17with the mind to help people transform into this natural hair world because they can't see their
16:22hairstylist. So now they got Afros and they're like, I don't know about this. I'm just trying to help
16:28them figure it out. Products, styling, YouTube, you know, follow people with your texture. Um,
16:37and Tiana's a four. So anybody watching them for four, go look at Tiana's hairstyles. Beautiful. Easy.
16:44Thanks. I'd say it's easy. I don't know. I'm a hairstylist.
16:48Things like that. It's things like that. Mm-hmm. I definitely agree with checking out people who
16:55have your hair texture. I fell down that very slippery slope early into becoming, uh, to going
17:02natural where I was following people whose hair did not look like mine and was so frustrated and angry
17:08when it didn't come out looking like theirs. So I would definitely say, try to find someone whose
17:16hair texture is closer to yours and just play. And honestly, even if you don't want to do that,
17:22just wash your hair and go in the world or your living room with it like that and do not change it.
17:32And when you pass the mirror, instead of saying, Oh my gosh, I look crazy. Speak affirmations to
17:38yourself. You look beautiful because I have girlfriends who like, like y'all said, you know,
17:43we all know you can't go to the salon. So now they're at the house with their natural hair. And
17:47they sent me a picture like, girl, I look a hot mess. I'm like, you look so cute. Like they're just,
17:54we're just not used to seeing ourselves in our natural state. And so even that will be revolutionary
18:02for women to just wear your hair in your house and be accepting of it. And when you pass the mirror,
18:10speak positivity over yourself, speak love, beauty affirmations over yourself, because it's simply,
18:17we're not used to it.
18:18I love that. And I think YouTube is also a nice break or Instagram, wherever you're posting your
18:24videos is a nice break for people to take and just to watch and tune in. You know what I mean?
18:29And I'm curious to know there's so much going on on social media from news to YouTube tutorials to
18:36Instagram lives. How do you find balance in consuming all of that? Because social media can
18:43be very overstimulating. I'm going to quickly say for me, I just, on the weekends is when I really
18:51don't look at it. I really don't like, you can't find me. The balance would be watching videos of babies
18:59babies and dogs and funny stuff. Seriously, you got to laugh. You have to find a thing to laugh and
19:06to heal yourself with laughter. So if you keep looking at the same thing, you become desensitized
19:11or angry. It affects your emotional state, your vibration. Find things that make you laugh. Be
19:17around people, make you laugh. Play board games with somebody in the house. Take your mind off of it.
19:23Yeah. After a certain time, I'm like, we have to turn the news off because it's just all cyclical and
19:29you're just sitting there digesting the same thing all day, freaking out over and over all day. So it's
19:36like, no, no news. We're done. We've got all the news for today. We have been playing board games,
19:42family, just sitting there laughing, music, cooking. I've started cooking a lot. I like to eat in general,
19:53but I never really had time to like cook. And I've always said, oh, I want to be a grandma who can,
20:00you know, just let me whip something up for you, baby. But you know, you got to practice to get to
20:05that point. So I feel like I have definitely been practicing my, let me whip something up for you
20:12real quick, baby skills. So I've been getting better with cooking and lots of cooking, like where it's
20:19like 15 ingredients kind of cooking. So that's been fun. And it also helps take your mind, take my mind
20:26off of everything else that's happening and really focusing on accomplishing a task. So that's been fun
20:32for me. Well, I love that. And I want to thank each of you both for being here today. Unfortunately,
20:38we have run out of time, but I know that your tips on self-care are going to help a lot of women who
20:44are still struggling to find that balance. And if you're out there and you're still wanting more
20:50advice and tips on how you can best incorporate time for yourself during these difficult times,
20:55you can go follow MyBlackIsBeautiful at MBIB on Instagram and join them this Friday.
21:02June 26th for another conversation around how we cope at 7pm. So that's MyBlackIsBeautiful,
21:10MBIB on Instagram, and you can follow them for more tips on how to cope and hear more amazing
21:17stories from people like Tiana and Felicia. So thank you ladies so much for joining me today. And I hope
21:26you both stay well and, you know, continue to engage in self-care. Yes. Thank you.
21:33Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Bye.
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