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00:00Sit.
00:06To the celebrities that are coming on this course,
00:08I've got one thing to say.
00:10Prepare for all of your worst nightmares to come true.
00:14I know.
00:15Instagram can't save you now.
00:17Guard.
00:19In this series...
00:20Let's go!
00:21...14 British and Australian celebrities...
00:25...have enlisted to go head-to-head
00:28...in the most punishing stages of SAS selection...
00:32I'm hoping I can overcome my biggest fear.
00:36Life is for living.
00:37It's now or never.
00:40...led by an elite team of ex-Special Forces soldiers...
00:44These celebrities are gonna get their ass kicked on this course.
00:47Let them blow!
00:48Let's go!
00:49We're gonna hit them hard.
00:51And we're gonna keep hitting them until we break them.
00:56Don't screw it up!
00:58No other test asks as much...
01:02Come on, don't give up!
01:03I'm not giving up, staff!
01:04Fucking of you, man.
01:05...or means as much...
01:07...to the few...
01:08...who make it through.
01:10I'm not gonna ask.
01:11You can do it.
01:12You've got this.
01:13I just feel a bit smelly and dirty.
01:24Oh, my God.
01:25I feel disgusted, but...
01:26I've passed the point of smelly and...
01:27It even stinks under the armband.
01:31Tramps!
01:32Tramps!
01:33What is...
01:34You know when you go, oh, Struth?
01:35What is...
01:36Oh, Struth?
01:37Oh, Struth?
01:38Oh, Struth!
01:39Oh, Struth!
01:40Oh, Struth!
01:41Oh, Struth!
01:42Oh!
01:43Oh, Struth!
01:44Oh, Struth!
01:45Oh, Struth!
01:46Oh, Struth!
01:47Oh, Struth!
01:48Oh, Struth!
01:49Oh, Struth!
01:50Oh, Struth!
01:51Oh, Struth!
01:52Oh, Struth!
01:53Oh, Struth!
01:54Oh, Struth!
01:55Oh, Struth!
01:56Oh, shit!
01:57Yeah.
01:58Like, you're shocked.
01:59You're like, oh, Struth!
02:01Oh!
02:02I never used Struth, though.
02:03No.
02:04It's a...
02:05I only picture that as, like, Alf Stewart on Home and Away.
02:08The only person I know that uses that word.
02:11Alf Stewart.
02:12It's the start of phase six.
02:17Of the 14 celebrity recruits that begun the course...
02:22Oh!
02:23..just five remain.
02:25That's, like, mixing glue, isn't it?
02:27Oh, I don't know how he's eating that.
02:29That's good when it goes through your colon.
02:31It'll pull everything off.
02:32I don't know how many more days my knees got left.
02:35Not good.
02:36I'm, like...
02:39..on the edge.
02:40Yeah, I know that feeling.
02:41Can we all dig?
02:44You've got to dig in.
02:45Mm.
02:46Gabby, you'll be so upset if you pull out now.
02:48How many climbs?
02:49Like, there's so little left.
02:51Yeah.
02:52You've got this.
02:57This is where you want it or you vomit.
03:01Get on parade!
03:04Everyone out.
03:06Snap it off.
03:07Wipe it off.
03:08Get on parade.
03:10Morning, people of the revolution.
03:12What have we got left?
03:13Two Aussies, three English.
03:15Where are all the Aussies?
03:16Oh, they went off.
03:17Right.
03:18Day six, phase six.
03:19Time to ask yourself,
03:20have I got what it takes to go to the next level?
03:21Do you think we have?
03:22Yes, stuff.
03:23Is it all too much for me?
03:24Or can I do it?
03:25That's the question, isn't it?
03:26Number five.
03:27Five.
03:28Oh, I thought it was a guppy fish.
03:29I thought it was a guppy fish.
03:30No.
03:31No.
03:32No.
03:33No.
03:34No.
03:35No.
03:36No.
03:37No.
03:38No.
03:39No.
03:40No.
03:41No.
03:42No.
03:43No.
03:44No.
03:45No.
03:46No.
03:47No.
03:48No.
03:49No.
03:50No.
03:51No.
03:52No.
03:53No.
03:54No.
03:55No.
03:56No.
03:57back into the game all right you will have to want it because if you don't we
04:04will call you if you don't produce what we need okay I'm gonna say go flames off
04:11these spray to it go grab your kit to the gate
04:18what I'm struggling with is like the judgment from them yeah I don't like the shouting no no
04:32one likes it do they I keep having moments of feeling really strong and the moments of being
04:37like I don't know if I can do this the recruits have been brought to a rocky mountain pass right
04:45let's go give us a couple of meters so the stench is almost unbearable to reach the
04:52first task of the phase they must hike across treacherous terrain over 5,000 feet above sea
05:01level yeah as a special forces operator we're combat divers we're paratroopers we're shooters
05:10scout snipers all of those tasks require mastery over one's body total mental and physical control
05:21make sure you can see the vista people pay thousands for this shit you've got enemy around every corner
05:29you're physically fatigued you're at height still you've got to control that fear put it to the side
05:36this is absolutely critical for mission success look in everybody when we deploy the mountainous
05:49terrains like Afghanistan one of the advantages that we have have been able to operate at height
05:55is that we can approach the enemy from a position that the least expect about turn 165 feet above the
06:06ground the DS want to test the recruits ability to traverse a wire with complete control this is
06:14the postman's walk it's a realistic task obstacle crossing this would be done at night fully laden
06:22with kit and possibly two or three years on that once you're a sitting fucking duck on there so you
06:28need to get across there at best speed
06:36there's some trampolines or something at the bottom I haven't even locked down let's go first victim for
06:43fuck's sake stepping up to the task is recruit number seven come on number seven world cup winning
06:51rugby player Ben okay number seven over to me on clip off there you're free walking now so go steady
06:57as you come round to me okay yes sir I have no clue what my limits would be although I am profoundly deaf
07:06which is hereditary that's why I never passed the ball when I played I couldn't hear anyone just ran scared
07:13that was it you're gonna move with purpose and speed straight across obviously if someone goes
07:17wrong in the first fucking 10 meters you someone goes in the first 10 meters you can imagine what's
07:23gonna fucking happen probably pop a couple of ribs burst along the summer shit I don't mind heights
07:29I'm a pilot I learned to fly helicopters 2007 but that doesn't mean that you can't be scared or fearful
07:37or whatever the only way you're gonna conquer a fear is by facing it head-on let's go that's it
07:44that's good no I'll keep your feet on there if you step off you'll bounce slide it's a dance movement come
07:50on Ben I have a lot of self doubts but where'd you get test as much as this when you're gonna be pushed to
07:56your limits like this physically mentally you're looking down that's why you're wobbling you turn
08:01into shaking Stevens where am I going to learn all this in Sibby Street I think you're gonna whoa
08:09stop messing around showing off don't lift your feet off the rope just slide maybe that come on smooth
08:17that's it oh fuck catastrophic fail you look like a baby in a doorway how was it I exasperated my
08:36arms and I just couldn't hold my grip anymore is it scary yeah no fucking hell we're all tacking our
08:44pants number 10 let's go go to me 14 the postman's walk each use all the time when going into the
08:54battle area you fucking shake or you're like a pissing dog you want to come the way that no one
09:00expects you to come whether it's over the mountain under the water over the water we will find that way
09:05speed is of the essence control it slow is smooth smooth is fast it's one of my favorites
09:13you have to be prepared to take the risk and have the courage to cross these obstacles which can
09:20sometimes be more scary than actually getting into the battle zone together away together away if you
09:26feel a wobble keep moving you cannot afford to hesitate and take your time and get into a panic
09:33you have to move with purpose this is where you're gonna have to work for it all right control
09:38come on keep going because if you don't the enemy are looking for you which means someone is probably
09:46gonna get killed keep going come on lift your legs up a little bit hit hit where you going fail
09:56keep looking straight ahead let's go 14 where the fuck are you going let go fail jesus i had high hopes for him
10:09shocking worst fail yet 14 he didn't even get halfway that was a pathetic effort ah
10:17come on all the way don't fuck it up now oh my head's stuck hold it keep going
10:29my head's stuck no it's not stuck just get keep moving
10:33oh fuck it oh fuck it's up now come on then step onto the rock
10:40oh my god what have we done here stand there face me
10:46you're more shocked than i am not so dire now are you
10:53well anyway that was a pass i'm really happy with that
10:57so far only one recruit has made it to the other side
11:02well done smashed it
11:04so scary
11:06next up is recruit number five tv personality gabby
11:12it's a matter number five you're not being scared of any of the height tasks
11:17it's the terrain
11:19how big the height is you know what i mean like how far
11:23you got this girl if you just slide across
11:26i don't know if i can do it
11:31come on number five get your head in the game do i get nervous when i do these sort of tasks
11:45fucking right i get nervous
11:47but it's time to shine compose yourself use your breathing techniques get your head in the game and focus
11:53i've got good faith in your bed
11:58it's number five gabby's turn to attempt the postman's walk
12:03how we come number five
12:06one hundred and sixty five feet above the ground
12:08you can bite the bullet
12:10hold tight and just keep going the key's in momentum
12:13even though i'm small you know i feel like i'm pretty strong but everyone has the moment where
12:19you doubt yourself
12:21it's dangerous as fuck
12:23i think my resilience comes from losing my dad as a young adult
12:27i would love for my dad to watch me and see me do really friggin well on this and be like
12:33that's my girl good luck you're gonna fucking need it
12:37but i will be annoyed with myself if i let myself down
12:41because i didn't give it full whack
12:45where you go
12:47there you go you've got it that's good momentum
12:51just keep that going all the way nice and steady
12:55quarter of the way already
12:57doing well you're fantastic
12:59that's it keep it up
13:01that's it five
13:03you're almost half way
13:05this is where you've got to work for it
13:07slide moving across
13:10no foot off the line
13:12oh my gosh
13:14amazing
13:16keep going
13:17that's it five
13:21no
13:22don't screw it up
13:23don't fucking go and fuck it up now
13:27finish strong
13:28keep coming
13:29good effort number five
13:30stop rushing it
13:31step onto the rock
13:32oh my god
13:33oh my god
13:34oh look i'm so proud of her
13:35yeah
13:36epic
13:38oh my god
13:39shush
13:40stop like even when you pass something you still swear
13:42you've got fucking tourettes
13:44i'll tell you what you did
13:46pace
13:47you did
13:48okay you tell me what you did
13:49no no sorry i just
13:50sorry
13:51i feel like i just i was just thinking the whole time just like
13:54so
13:55two
13:56one two
13:57i'll tell you what you did that was correct
13:58was not to take your feet off the line you just kept them on and kept a smooth steady rhythm
14:03yeah
14:04yeah
14:05that's not
14:06that's a pass
14:09all round
14:10two passes three fields
14:13number seven
14:14he's been a bit of a machine throughout this but he blew his arms out
14:17got about three quarters of the way across and he fell off so it was a fail
14:21down to fear gripping and burning out and stamping
14:25yeah
14:26number four
14:27fuck knows where that come from
14:30the fives was the smoothest and better pass
14:32number five was crying
14:33at the top
14:34and she hasn't been scared at heights i said look if you're not nervous about something
14:37what
14:38number five
14:39really
14:40yeah
14:41five i saw the tears i thought here we go this is going to be a drama
14:42so let's have a chat with number five see what's going on
14:45cool
14:46let's rock it
14:47it's the first time that i've honestly thought i don't know if i can do that
15:00this is what it's about yeah conquering shit
15:03god i tell you what though fear is exhausting
15:07oh
15:08absolutely baby
15:10oh my feet
15:17i feel so good gab
15:22wash your face i don't know
15:25oh
15:27you know
15:28being constipated is not a pleasant is it
15:31no
15:32don't pop an eye out
15:35oh
15:38recruit number five
15:46for the second time
15:48the ds decide to call in number five gabby
15:51hands up thumbs up
15:52after her loss of control
15:54on the morning's task
16:05how's it going
16:15better than the other day when i came in here
16:17why is that
16:18i just think my mindset might have just like changed a little bit
16:22even though you came off that task having passed you still couldn't stop swearing
16:27when i first laid eyes on the task i was like this is the first one that i've really felt fear
16:34for us we are looking at the reactions do they let it go to their heads or do they let it eat them up
16:42do they just learn from it bounce back go again
16:45and you're kind of drawing attention to yourself for the wrong reasons
16:50why the way you react where's that come from
16:54i think i'm just like really hard on myself
16:56because after my dad died
16:58it wasn't just him him dying it was like a domino effect we lost my granddad the month after
17:02and then my mum had to go bankrupt
17:04and then i went on love island
17:062017 and it changed my life
17:08put us in a bit of a different position
17:10because i was able to
17:12look after
17:14look after my mom
17:15yeah
17:16i get that
17:17my family rely on me
17:18so i live my whole life under pressure
17:21trying to do something for somebody else instead of for you
17:24no i feel like i was trying to just do it for my dad and my mum
17:28but today i was actually so proud that i actually made this view of the sides
17:32and i was like okay you can do it like for me rather than for everyone else
17:37so that was the bit of a shift
17:39which i'm hoping to take outside of me too
17:41you are strong physically you're fucking very strong for a little maggot
17:47you are
17:48and mentally now we've seen a change and it's good
17:51you're still letting yourself down with that the way you react to certain things
17:55you've got to really stay in control of all that now
17:57especially going to this next phase because if you don't
18:01you know what's coming you're going to get torn apart
18:04okay thank you
18:06good
18:10thank you
18:20good effort
18:24yeah
18:25i feel like i didn't grieve because i felt like i couldn't because we had to be strong
18:31otherwise everything was going to fall apart
18:35thank you
18:37and my mum had to go through all of that
18:39having no money and still managing to make the best out of any situation has just made me so much stronger
18:47yeah
18:49yeah
18:50it's good to just refocus and basically highlight your strengths and your weaknesses
18:53yeah
18:54yeah
18:55on this course i hope that i can control my emotions
18:58i want to do this for me and i just want to feel proud of myself
19:03i just feel like my adrenaline gland has been abused
19:08yeah
19:10my central nervous system is shut
19:12yeah
19:13and it has a heart and
19:15it's all the fucking boiled eggs and ghosts
19:20it looks like a fucking morgue
19:41come to the mess two minutes
19:45as the recruits are approaching the final stages of the course
19:52i can actually put them on so fucking quick
19:55the ds want to expose them
19:58to the harsh realities of life in the special forces
20:01thank you
20:02take your caps off
20:04being away you don't have communication back on
20:07you always leave wishing i fuck i'd have said that
20:10or have done that
20:12to that end we'd write these death letters
20:15to say look
20:16if it goes wrong
20:17this is what i want you to know
20:19so think
20:20seriously
20:21who would you write to
20:22what would you say to them
20:24because this is going to be the last bit of communication they're going to get
20:27i know it sounds morbid
20:29but this is our world
20:30this is a reality
20:31and it's amazing what you fucking come to your head
20:33alright
20:34i'm going to give you these
20:35go back to your accommodation and write it
20:38deaf letters is something that it's a real part of the sf world
20:45i think i'll cry right in here
20:47i know
20:48i was thinking the exact same thing
20:50i've actually written a letter
20:52and there is that moment
20:54prior to something going down where you all look at each other
20:57god
20:58it's a weird space of silence
21:00but it's everybody's little last piece of sanctuary
21:03it's emotional writing to your kids
21:05yeah
21:06oh
21:08we're all dealing with a difference
21:10some people are just ready to go
21:11okay it's done now
21:12some people are just quiet
21:13and just going deep in thought of the realities of
21:16that letter being handed to your wife or your children or your family
21:23and we'll see if it breaks people
21:25or if it gives them the push and the motivation to keep going forward
21:28like that hard
21:34aww
21:35aww
21:36aww
21:37aww
21:38aww
21:39aww
21:40aww
21:41aww
21:42aww Ben
21:43aww he's got me that fucker
21:44aww
21:45aww
21:46aww
21:47I hated every fucking moment of that
21:48it was horrible
21:49Horrible
22:02What did you say for crazy this morning
22:05Do Lally do Lally do like that. Yeah, I'm gonna say that one out
22:10Do Lally and Ming and Ming and are you never using him before I do is Ming and I think yes mad
22:18We have different you were saying it to your wife. Yeah, you're do Lally. I went a bit do Lally in there
22:26How you feeling Ben your car? I'm all right
22:30Just a lot going on in here. Oh, man. What's up? What's the matter?
22:33No, it's all good yourself up, babe, but it's wrong
22:37Just shit going on Danny, you know, Ben fucking hell
22:41Well, I'm here if you need a chat. Hmm. If you need a chat, I'm here
22:48All right, full kick to the gate all right, let's go stop
22:54Let's do it as you can
23:07Okay, then okay. Yeah, okay. There's so much going on, you know in my life personally
23:14in so many different areas
23:17When you get to this point, it almost takes the fucking lid off the can to that and all those all those emotions just swirl with each other
23:25Yeah, I would say my journey into Sydney Street after sport
23:30I've had to get to know me understand me
23:33There's been a lot of horrible stuff happening in my life and you don't realize what he's gonna come back and and get you a little bit later
23:40The recruits have been brought to a remote dry riverbed
23:47It's like I've weaved my pants
23:50Who cares?
23:52Where they will face one of the most violent tasks of the course
23:57Okay, my head
24:00Come on back. You've got this
24:02Get out of the vehicles get your burgers get down there. Let's go. Let's go. We got this
24:10Human emotions are the most powerful thing that we possess
24:14But they're the most difficult to control car then all the way down here
24:18We're looking for these recruits to utilize that wealth of emotions whether it's rage fear abuse
24:25Channel it
24:26Harness it win the fight and then get on with the next mission
24:32Right as members of the special forces we have essentially been tasked with conducting extreme violence
24:39Contrary to popular belief
24:43There is absolutely no place for anger as an emotion on the battlefield regardless of how you feel
24:50It will get you killed, but you're fighting to get back to see your family
24:55Because if you don't you will never see them again
24:59You just channel all that emotion into your aggression and you have to control it
25:03To then use on the people that are trying to fucking kill you
25:08Is that understood?
25:14The recruits are about to engage in hand-to-hand combat
25:18Against the red man
25:20Oh
25:21You're fighting or something?
25:24There wouldn't be any fighting
25:25It's probably a bit
25:26Hey, are you gay? Come here
25:27I'm going to get my main pull-up
25:29You nut someone just to
25:30Oh, I'm not going to nut someone
25:31No, of course not
25:32No
25:33Number four
25:34Ready to take on the red man
25:36Oh, get down there, go on
25:38It's number four
25:39Danny
25:40Quick as you can, number four, all the way in
25:42When it comes to violence, I just can't do it
25:46I just don't like it
25:48Follow me
25:49So for me to stand there and fight
25:51I just don't know how I'd get that in me to do it
25:54Get out, get out
25:55Right, listen in
25:56You're deep behind enemy lines
25:57You've just been blew up
25:58You've lost your patrol
25:59We've got to fight our way out
26:00We're going to move round here now
26:02If you're confronted with aggression
26:03And they're wearing red
26:04I want you to attack
26:05100% aggression
26:06Do not fucking stop
26:07They're stopping you getting home to your family
26:09Let's go, let's move, come on
26:11I feel like the breaking point could be
26:13You know, like when you start thinking
26:14of the kids and stuff
26:16Go on, attack
26:18Let's go, smash the ball
26:19He's got your kids
26:21He's got your kids
26:22Get into him
26:23Get into him
26:24Drag him to the floor
26:25Knees
26:26Knees
26:27Knees
26:28Attack
26:29Attack
26:30Get into him
26:31He's got your kids
26:32Elbows
26:33Recruits must channel their aggression
26:35Knees
26:36Give him everything
26:37Head fight
26:42Smash him
26:43When the DS call stop
26:45They need to instantly regain control
26:48Harder
26:49Harder
26:50Harder
26:51Keep going
26:52Keep going
26:53Keep going
26:54Keep going
26:55Stop
27:01Come on, over to me, Tony
27:02Take a breath now
27:03Take a nice deep breath
27:04Come back down to planet Earth
27:07How do you feel?
27:09Believed
27:10What was going into your head
27:12When you was getting to that?
27:13Just about no one's going to hurt my family
27:15Fucking right
27:16What would you do if it was real?
27:19You don't want to know
27:20I fucking do want to know
27:21Killed him
27:22Killed him
27:23Nasty little fucker, ain't ya?
27:24A little bit
27:25Okay, that was good
27:26Good effort
27:27You passed
27:30Quick, she caught number five on me
27:31Look at me
27:32Let's go
27:33Let's go
27:34Look at Jack
27:35Engage as hard as you can
27:36Let's go
27:37Strike
27:38Strike
27:39Strike
27:40Strike
27:41Hard, hard elbows
27:42Let's go
27:45The purpose of Redman is to harness anger and aggression
27:48And apply brutal violence
27:51Take him down
27:52Take him down
27:53Get him down
27:54Get him down
27:55Strike him to the floor
27:56Attack
27:57We want the recruits to show that they can make rational decisions
28:00Whilst under the influence of a spike of adrenaline
28:03That comes when you're engaged in an aggressive act
28:07Attack
28:08Point to the ground
28:09Strike
28:10Strike
28:11Get him to the ground
28:12Please get a hold of him
28:13Get him to the top
28:14If you lose control, best case scenario is you get caught
28:16Worst case is die
28:18You cannot afford to be that red person
28:22Dominate
28:23Dominate
28:24Dominate
28:25Keep striving
28:26Keep striving
28:27Keep striving
28:28Stop
28:35Stop
28:37Then on over to Chief Instructor
28:39What was in your mind?
28:40What was driving you?
28:41It just felt good to let out all the anxiety and stress over the last few days to be honest
28:47I don't generally have a lot of aggression
28:49So that to you was a new thing?
28:51Yeah
28:52How did that feel?
28:53Nice to release that energy or no?
28:56Not really
28:57No?
28:58No, I don't like aggression
28:59Alright, you did a good account of it yourself
29:01It was a pass
29:02But you've really got to give it everything you can
29:04Yes, sir
29:07Wasn't expecting that
29:08No
29:11Felt good though
29:12To like just let out a little bit of steam
29:14Yeah
29:15Do you know what I mean?
29:16Today's been
29:18A day of growth for me to be fair
29:22Last to face the red man
29:24Right, number seven
29:26Come over here
29:27Is number seven
29:28Ben
29:29Ben is gonna annihilate them
29:30He's just gonna run at him and you'll go fly him
29:32Yeah
29:33This is your opportunity to go fucking hell for leather
29:38Keep it under control but unleash anything
29:40Is that understood?
29:41Yes, stuff
29:42Alright
29:43Go
29:44Go
29:45I definitely hide my emotion
29:49Quick as you can, number seven
29:50All the way down
29:51We could have a death on our hands
29:53Like any other man would probably suppress some of the darker sides or parts of their mental health that they should probably express
30:02Anybody that's wearing red I want 100% aggression
30:05Take them fucking down
30:06They're stopping you getting home to your kids
30:08Do you understand?
30:09Yes, dad
30:10You understand?
30:11Yes, dad
30:12Let's fucking go
30:13Come on, let's fucking go
30:14I'd rather not be aggressive
30:15Being aggressive is something that I'd rather try and talk out of
30:17Or go nowhere near it
30:19Get in there number seven
30:20Everything you got seven
30:22But if poked then yeah, I'll throw down
30:26Get in there
30:29Everything you got seven
30:31Fucking take him
30:32Go
30:33That's it
30:34Take him
30:35Smash
30:36Yes
30:37Yes
30:38Knees
30:39Knees
30:40Yes
30:41Smash
30:42That's it
30:43Get in there
30:45Get in there
30:46Yes
30:47Knees
30:48Knees
30:49It's good
30:50Who's safe?
30:51Who's safe?
30:52Stop
30:59Pose yourself
31:02Can you hear me?
31:03Yes, sir
31:04Alright, you stopped before I gave you the command
31:07Was it an issue with your hearing?
31:08Yes, sir
31:09Do not stop till you get the command
31:12Okay, sorry, sir
31:13Alright
31:14You must go through it
31:15It's not just for you, it's for your brothers in arms too
31:18Keep that in mind
31:19Am I understood?
31:20Yes, sir
31:21Okay, good to go
31:22Pass
31:23Come to me
31:26What was in your head?
31:27What was driving you?
31:28Firstly, I could fucking rugby tackle someone
31:30Yeah
31:31Which happened for a while
31:32Um
31:33Um
31:34Yeah, there's a lot of shit going on in there
31:35Okay
31:36You felt good in there
31:37So, it was nice to unleash something
31:42Good, Ben?
31:45Did you like it?
31:46He didn't because he fucking hurt him I think a little bit of the rugby tackle
31:50Yeah
31:51I needed that though
31:53I did need that
31:54There's too many things I've been fucking trying to kick the lid on
31:59I didn't go over the top to be fair
32:04Sounds like you did
32:05It takes a lot of emotion to be aggressive, doesn't it?
32:15Yeah
32:16It gets to you a little bit
32:17Yeah
32:18And it's a bit of a delayed reaction
32:19Yeah
32:20Yeah
32:27Wow
32:28Damn
32:29And it was fine
32:31Day six
32:32Um
32:33Today was about control
32:35Chance to have been the red man
32:37Number four
32:38She come round the corner
32:39Seen the red man
32:40And she was off like a rocket
32:41And it was headbutts
32:43Anything and everything
32:45And she kept going
32:46To do what she needed to do
32:47So it was a good pass
32:48Number five
32:50It wasn't a shining example of warrior spirit
32:55But she did what was asked
32:57Yeah, I think with both Aussies it was exactly the same
32:59I was given the message
33:01And you could see it was being processed
33:03But it didn't flick the switch
33:05I gave him a basic pass
33:07Nothing to write home about
33:09The last one was number seven
33:11I thought he actually hurt the red man
33:12Yeah, I think he did
33:13He hit him right here in between the pads
33:15Just a little bit worried about him
33:18He's really fucking struggling
33:20Mentally and emotionally
33:22I said what was in your head
33:23And I thought he might open up
33:24And he goes
33:25There was a lot of dark things in my head
33:26So maybe we'll have a chat with him, yeah?
33:28Yeah
33:29Worth a chat
33:34I thought the name was Matt
33:35Not Mac
33:38Mackenzie
33:39Spot on
33:40Have we been calling you Matt?
33:43I can't tell
33:49No, fucking hell
33:51He's driving me mad
33:53Recruit seven!
33:57All the way in seven
33:58After his reaction facing the red man
34:08All right
34:09And back
34:11The DS want to speak with number seven
34:14Ben
34:21Sit
34:28This is just a chance for us to get to know number seven
34:32Do you feel like you're getting what you came for on the course?
34:35Yeah, I love the physical stuff
34:37I've enjoyed every part of it
34:40I'm struggling
34:43I've got 40% hearing in both ears
34:45It's fucking annoying
34:46I was thinking
34:48You know, maybe
34:50This is
34:51Not the place for me
34:53Don't second guess yourself
34:54Don't do our job for us
34:55Do not take yourself off the course
34:56Because you think that it's hindrance
34:58Yeah, just the mental side
34:59I've got to get right
35:00Why?
35:01What's up?
35:02The thing that's playing in my mind
35:03Is my daughter's
35:05Pacemaker
35:06She's got up when she gets back
35:08When I turn off the course
35:10My daughter's got up
35:11The pace maker
35:12She's got up
35:13When she gets back
35:14When I return off the course
35:15My daughter's got up and up
35:16My daughter's got up
35:17And I'm getting up
35:18I do always have a pacemaker.
35:20And that's what I've been battling with also in the last 18 months,
35:24so it's been horrendous.
35:27So, yeah, tough writing those letters.
35:31It is tough, but that allows you to go and do what you need to do,
35:35knowing that you've got that.
35:37That's put to bed, you know, worst-case scenario,
35:40you've said what you needed to say.
35:42Yeah.
35:43Gets you thinking about things you probably don't want to think about.
35:46Yeah, my mind was just sending me to places,
35:50which I found really, really tough.
35:54What sort of things were you thinking?
35:56A long time ago, my dad got beaten to death, protecting someone.
36:06How'd that come about?
36:08It was fucking horrible.
36:10It was savage. I mean, you guys have seen shit.
36:13I mean, for a 21-year-old at that point, it was just...
36:16where life's so rosy, you know, you got bitten across...
36:19It was bitten everywhere.
36:21Where was it?
36:22It was in Northampton.
36:24It was a nightclub that my brother and my dad had.
36:27But it wasn't even open.
36:29It was these guys had beef with somebody else.
36:32My dad was a really tough man, to be fair.
36:35But he got severe beating here.
36:38And that's what gave him an aneurysm.
36:41And, um, yeah.
36:44That knock-on effect from that, I never really...
36:48I don't know how to handle it at that age.
36:50You don't...
36:51You know, it's kind of what I'm really trying to process now.
36:54Really tough. Disgusting.
36:56How did you deal with it then?
36:58Played rugby.
37:00Got on that plane to Australia.
37:02Achieve winning the World Cup
37:04and becoming the best winner in the world.
37:07How long did your professional career last?
37:10Till I was 32.
37:12So, another eight years.
37:14And that was it?
37:15That was it.
37:17That's it.
37:18How did it feel?
37:19Scary.
37:21Weren't fit for purpose.
37:23No education, further education.
37:25So, there's...
37:27You do have a...
37:28I fucking do have resentment to it.
37:30There should be some thinking place to help transition.
37:33The new way you leave the game.
37:35What the fuck am I gonna do now?
37:38It's a fucking dark hole.
37:39Yeah.
37:40Who am I?
37:43Do you know who you are?
37:45Learning that now.
37:47You adapt and roll with it and you...
37:50You take on a new chapter.
37:52Do you look forward to the future?
37:58Yeah, of course.
37:59It's a lot of shit to get through first.
38:02This is a great place to take your mind off the shit.
38:06Whatever that is, you don't know what's coming next.
38:09So, the only thing that you can really do properly is be present.
38:13Yeah.
38:14Being here and being present is...
38:17And being a sheep is exactly what I need.
38:20You are gonna be moving into a slightly different phase.
38:24It's gonna be challenging.
38:26You're gonna need to try and keep that psychological resilience,
38:29a bit of robustness about you.
38:32Yeah.
38:34It can do.
38:37You good?
38:38I'm good.
38:39I'm gonna get to the end of this fucking course.
38:43Guard!
38:54Up!
38:55What happened to my dad leaves a hole in your life.
39:03You're on my own at 21.
39:05So, I haven't really got many people that I could probably turn to and ask for advice or help.
39:13He's in the dark earth.
39:15No, I know.
39:16Kind of worried about it.
39:17Yeah.
39:19Izzy, my youngest, who's having, you know, a pacemaker fitted.
39:25And...
39:26It's a lot to process.
39:30Depression can sneak up and nip you in the backside if you're not careful.
39:34I can lose myself in this for eight days.
39:38Probably a little bit easier than everyday life.
39:43Good stuff.
39:44Stay motivated.
39:46I need to wake up a part of...
39:49me that I hadn't...
39:51that I'd put away a long time ago.
40:05Then I'm gonna shower.
40:08I showered yesterday.
40:10Yeah.
40:11That is a crazy thing to say.
40:13Yeah, I showered yesterday, I sweated all day, and I'm not gonna shower tonight.
40:18We did wash our armpits in the sink.
40:21Yeah.
40:23I need a bit of that action.
40:25Yeah, just wash your top and wash your pits.
40:27Have you washed your tops?
40:29I did in, like, two days.
40:31You just need to wash your tops.
40:32Wash your tops.
40:33Wash your tops?
40:34Tops.
40:38Wash your tops.
40:39Yeah, wash your tops.
40:43Yeah, wash your tops!
40:49Oh, it's so fucking delirious.
40:52Do-lally.
40:53Do-lally.
41:03Fucking hell.
41:05Okay, earlier on I told you about deaf letters.
41:07Yeah.
41:08Yeah, and how, why we do it and all that sort of stuff.
41:10Not very pleasant, I know.
41:12But now we would like you to read them.
41:13Ugh.
41:14Okay?
41:16Over to you.
41:17It's emotional, but there's a reason behind all of it.
41:21Thanks, Saf.
41:22Thank you, Saf.
41:24I don't know how I'm gonna do it.
41:26Fucking mess.
41:28I'm petrified of doing this.
41:30I'd rather do a climb.
41:32When people wanna, like, dive deep into your emotions and stuff.
41:37Absolutely not.
41:38I mean, I've done a bit of therapy, but I ended up lying to my therapy
41:40so I had to stop it.
41:42To Jared, Santi, Summer and Star.
41:45Oh, God, if you are receiving this letter,
41:47I want you to know that I'm no longer here anymore
41:50and my heart breaks writing this because our family means
41:53so much to me.
41:55I can't read that.
41:57I feel so emotional.
41:59I'm really, really hard on myself,
42:01especially being a mum as well.
42:02To my son, to my perfect baby boy, my firstborn,
42:05and you showed me what true love was.
42:07I will always be there, even if you can't see me.
42:10You always have them like,
42:11oh, my God, I'm working too much,
42:13but then if I stay at home too much, I'm like,
42:14oh, yeah, but I actually wanna go to work.
42:16So then I'm, like, trying to figure out what the right balance is
42:19on, like, how to be a good mum and, like, also how to be kind to myself.
42:25My perfect family, always remember I love you all so much
42:28and please do everything you can to enjoy life without me in it.
42:31Love you forever.
42:33Oh.
42:35Good job.
42:37That was hard.
42:38Yeah.
42:42Are you okay?
42:44You got it.
42:46You got this.
42:48Mum, I'm so, so sorry that you were receiving this letter.
42:51You are the most resilient person there is.
42:54After every hard hit, you came back fighting.
42:58You have been my rock and inspiration.
43:01Mum and Dad and best friend.
43:04Me and Dad will be waiting for you.
43:06I love you more than you can imagine.
43:08Good night, Mum.
43:09Gabby.
43:11Oh, that was so sweet.
43:13That was lovely.
43:14I hope I never died before my mum.
43:16Neither.
43:17Like, I really hope she never goes through that.
43:24Dear Ella, my wife, my love.
43:27Thank you for the unconditional love you have always given me.
43:29Thank you for the sacrifices you've made for me and for us.
43:33All I've ever wanted is for you to be happy and feel loved.
43:36That doesn't change now.
43:37You're going to make an amazing mother and it breaks my heart
43:39that I won't be able to witness it.
43:41I promise I'll be watching though.
43:43I love you always.
43:45Oh.
43:49Alrighty.
43:51Dear my beautiful boy, if you get this letter,
43:54know that I will forever love you.
43:57Now I'm no longer with you.
44:02You are my biggest and the best thing that ever happened to me.
44:06I'm sorry I didn't get enough time to watch you grow up.
44:10Into the handsome, sweet and kind man.
44:12I know you will be.
44:16Always be brave, but don't hold your emotions in
44:19because that takes strength.
44:22If you miss me, always give your bunny a big hug
44:25because before you were born,
44:27I filled it with a lifetime worth of hugs.
44:30I love you so, so much.
44:31Love, Mum.
44:33That is amazing.
44:36Well, this is to one of my daughters, Isabel,
44:39because I've written three.
44:41To Izzy, you are such a brave girl
44:44and have been so mature since finding out about your heart problem.
44:49You have been beyond amazing
44:51for deciding what treatments you want
44:53and pacemaker you would prefer.
44:57You got this, Ben.
44:58I got this, Ben.
45:01Sorry.
45:03The situation with Izzy at the moment,
45:05how do you deal with it?
45:06You need to be strong for your daughter.
45:08You have to be their pillar of strength.
45:10Look after yourself.
45:12Look after your sisters.
45:13It's important you have each other's backs.
45:15Sorry.
45:19And be there for each other.
45:21And that's when the self-neglect will come in
45:23because you prioritise other things over yourself.
45:26I'll be...
45:29I'll be watching you back from above with Grandad,
45:33having a cup of tea, laugh out loud.
45:35LAUGHTER
45:38Remember you are always enough.
45:40Keep on being amazing.
45:42Love, Dad.
45:44Oh, Ben, that was so nice.
45:46Beautiful, Ben.
45:48On this course, it's about improving my mental health.
45:51My purpose is to be there for my children
45:54and them, for all words, have happy memories of their dad,
45:58just like I do with mine.
46:00The reality is, is that we should tell them that every day anyway,
46:04or go home and tell them.
46:06Yeah.
46:07Sometimes we don't probably nail home that message enough.
46:09Yeah.
46:13Next time...
46:15I'll just stand there and look at my boobs.
46:16Yeah.
46:18With normal hairy nipples.
46:19They're lovely.
46:20Even as someone that's passed selection...
46:22Get off!
46:23I look back at it and I'm like,
46:24how the fuck did we do it?
46:25There's got to be a bit of a sadomasochist inside you.
46:28This is fucking perfect for ambush.
46:30I'm looking for the recruit that can demonstrate
46:33that same inner fight.
46:35I can't fucking get up here.
46:41Support for the issues raised can be found
46:42at channel4.com slash support.
46:44Now, mental strength under intense pressure next.
46:48The toughest of the tough inside the toughest of the tough.
46:51Foxy's back at the head of a team taking on an Arctic adventure.
46:54Coaster...
46:56hoping that seems more helpful...
47:02Come in on a phone talk!
47:04What areimmicksal of mythology?
47:06Thanks for listening!
47:09More applause!
47:12It's broken!
47:14You enjoyed this past three months in our universe!
47:18We wish to go out on moreário!
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