- 2 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00One of the great joys in life is to have a wonderful night's sleep, but how do we do that when we're next to a partner who snores, tosses and turns, has night terrors, or even talks in their sleep?
00:29According to Cynthia Zak, we tiptoe into another room and sleep by ourselves. She explains why and gives rituals to a spiritual sleep quest in her book, The Joy of Sleeping Alone. Welcome, Cynthia.
00:42Thank you, Regina.
00:44And you're from Argentina, and I do tango, and I'm so used to your accent and being around Argentines. I just love your energy.
00:51Yeah, Argentina is beautiful. I'm from Córdoba.
00:54Oh, you're from Córdoba.
00:55Yeah, Córdoba is like in the heart of the country.
00:57Yeah, yeah. I have never been there. Only Buenos Aires.
00:59Yes. This is a mountain town.
01:01Oh.
01:02It's beautiful.
01:03Wonderful.
01:04Yes.
01:04Well, okay. So give us a little bit of background on yourself, because you're new to our audience.
01:09Yes.
01:09About yourself and how you ended up becoming not just fascinated, but making the notion of a good night's sleep your dharma.
01:19Yeah. Well, I'm from Córdoba, Argentina. I've been searching. I'm like the yearning for spirituality since I'm very, very young.
01:29I started with books, reading science fiction and stuff. Like, there's more than we see. There's more than we see. There's more than this touchable, like, material thing.
01:40So I started getting into spirituality very, very young. I get into the yoga tradition very young, and Hinduism, and Buddhism, and Sufism. I practiced for 30 years the Sufi way, the dervish way, the twirling and turning, and the zikar, the mantras.
02:04Oh, yeah.
02:07And Judaism, and Kabbalah. Everything is the same, Regina.
02:13It all comes down to the same in the end.
02:15Yeah. At the end, it's like we're talking about the same one love and connection and interconnectness. And so I've been, like, exploring. From that, I studied journalism, communication in Argentina, in Córdoba, Argentina.
02:33And I moved to Europe, and I've been writing for my whole life. And I've published five books already.
02:43Congratulations.
02:43Yes. And I've been working with children for a long, long time. I put together songs and music and mantras and meditation for children. So I'm a musician. I've been playing music for my whole life. I put together all this body of music, which is pure medicine.
03:06Music is the highest form of medicine. Sound, frequencies, vibration. With the right wording, you have something very powerful.
03:19Very healing.
03:20Very healing. And I've been working with families and children for 30 years.
03:24I create a system where you can have this content, but also I teach that all over the world, transmitting this mindfulness and music and all this component to teachers and health professionals.
03:48So I've been in this for a long time. I'm a mother of three. I'm about to be a grandma.
03:54Congratulations.
03:55Which is really, really exciting. Seeing new generations. And I keep working with children almost every day and families.
04:04I'm a birth and postpartum doula. I'm also a death doula, which is...
04:11Assessing souls coming in and going out.
04:14Yeah. And supporting the system around the person that depart and the ceremony of that and honoring this untouchable energy, but so present anyway.
04:27So that's a little bit of my background. How do I get to this book? I start sleeping alone, Regina. And I start liking it very much.
04:36I think a lot of people who've slept alongside another person for a good part of their life and finally sleep alone feel the same way.
04:45And many people in our audience that are watching this right now sleep alone.
04:50Yes.
04:50And so I wanted to talk to you about that, kind of get into the history of this whole notion because there's stigma around that, especially if someone is in a partnership or married.
05:02Absolutely.
05:03And they say, I really would like to sleep in my own room, in my own bed. A lot of hurt happens. Not only that, here you have judgment from society. Maybe the kids, oh, mom and dad are having troubles. They're not sleeping together anymore.
05:18So there's stigma around it if you're in partnership. If you're alone, okay, no big deal. So we'll get into all of that. But let's talk about the history of it, how we used to sleep once upon a time when we were much more feral as human beings, you know, when we were in our developmental stages as humans.
05:39So let's talk about how people used to sleep because I love the history you put in the book. It's kind of funny, actually.
05:45It's like, really?
05:45It is something that we never think about. And when I started the research for the book, I said, wait a minute, do we always sleep in beds with mattresses and for things and the pillow? No.
05:59So let's go back to when we were at one with nature.
06:03Yeah. We used to sleep up on the trees.
06:06At first human.
06:07I actually, when I read this, I thought, oh, that's interesting because through this other person that I've interviewed a long time ago, he's writing about the development of species of human beings that have vampiric qualities.
06:22Oh, wow.
06:22And we were looking into the history of them.
06:25Interesting.
06:25And he went all the way back into China when they were sleeping in trees. People were sleeping in trees. That's the first I'd heard of it.
06:34Yeah.
06:34So we would crawl up and choose a branch.
06:36Yes. Well, the first humans, like 20,000 years ago, 30,000 years ago, the Homo sapiens started like sleeping on trees because before the fire, that's the event that changed everything for humanity.
06:54So with the discovery of the fire, these people sleeping on the trees, imagine sleeping on a tree. It's moving all the time. It's unstable. There's a lot of things.
07:05You don't get a good night's sleep.
07:06No.
07:06You have to have one eye open while you're sleeping.
07:09And they used to sleep on like tandems, like this group sleep three hours while the others are watching. So you really don't get into the five stages of dreams that we need every night.
07:25The five times that we have our REM, the very rapid eye movement. So these humans with the fire feel safe. It's like, oh, wait a minute. They're not going to eat me because the fire protect me. There's not going to be all these animals that wants to eat me.
07:45And they start going down. And when they start going down, they start sleeping longer. And they start dreaming more and remembering the dreams. And a whole other qualities and concepts show up for humanity.
08:05You say in your book that it's an evolutionary leap.
08:09Yes.
08:10From sleeping in branches, in shifts, with one eye open, just for your own survival. If you were in an area particularly where you could be preyed upon. And then sleeping on the ground with the safety and warmth of a fire, keeping the animals away. And then you go into deeper sleep. And now we have an evolutionary leap in consciousness. And I would assume our mental functioning, our intellectual capacity as well.
08:32Everything. Because we are not in this survival mode. So intense. So the parasympathetic systems are like, I have goosebumps when I said that. Because it's like, oh. And then these first humans with the fire start discovering that there's certain plants and herbs that if you sleep on top of that, they protect you against insects and bites and mosquitoes.
09:02Like these powerful plants. So they start putting these plants on top of each other. And we have the first mattresses.
09:11It's interesting. Yeah. And I would think too, at that point, once they're starting to go through the various stages of sleep, first of all, sleep deprivation, it's, sleep is one of the most, if not the most important thing next to breathing we can do for recovery of ourselves throughout our body and our brain.
09:30So people must have lived very short lifespans back in that time when they were not able to sleep, a full night's sleep.
09:38Imagine. But I love to really go back in time and see that there's people discovering a longer night of sleep and the protection of the fire.
09:52And then they are not beaten all over from mosquitoes and insects. And they start dreaming more.
09:59And evolution happened. And then they start discovering more and more ways to be more comfortable during the night.
10:07And you say this was roughly 77,000 years ago is when the first, quote, mattresses emerged from your research.
10:14And granted, it's not all over the world, but there's evidence of that.
10:17Yes, yes. And there's a lot of evidence. And the archaeologists are discovering more and more these first humans able to produce.
10:29And for this leap in evolution, there's other concepts or other things happening also.
10:36The agriculture and other medicine plants are coming into the picture to produce more awareness of ourself.
10:46Ourself and who we are. And the questioning, why are we here? Why? What is this planet? What is this reality? What is this sleep and awake moment?
11:03And just being in the luxurious position of being able to go into REM enough that you can recall dreams in the morning.
11:10Yes.
11:11So that's part of the evolution. It's so beautiful. And I was like, oh, this is what happened for us to be here and to understand hormonal levels during night or during day and how to balance and where we are now in the sleeping situation.
11:30And there's a lot of research on hormonal cycles, men and women both, in terms of our sleep. And people can look that up. There are plenty of books on it.
11:39So here we create our first mattresses, which are layered with herbs and things. And I assume other leaves and straw, whatever's around, whatever grasses are around, right?
11:49And then, in fact, at what point did we start using animal hairs?
11:55And the animal skin is also part of this evolution. Like, I can say simultaneously or parallel, like it was happening. They start like cooking the meat. They have the fire. Now they discover that you can eat the meat cooked, not raw.
12:17Right.
12:18And then they discover they have the skins that they start treating the skins in a way that they don't get like rotten.
12:26Yeah. Cleaning them and drying them and treating them.
12:29Yes. And you see the first depiction, like the pictures of the first humans already covered with the skins of animals that they put it on the floor.
12:39Mm-hmm.
12:40And they sleep. And the warmth and the easiness and the facility of, I'm not going to be eaten, I'm warm.
12:50Mm-hmm.
12:51They start creating a new, a new mind.
12:56Mm-hmm.
12:57Like I said, a new brain.
12:58A new evolution of society.
12:59Yeah.
13:00Okay.
13:01And emotions too. Emotions are more like clear and the art start happening more and more.
13:06Yes.
13:07And I know archaeologists and anthropologists has a lot more of this insight, but it's like, okay, wait, this is so important in our like human history.
13:19Mm-hmm.
13:20Okay. So this is going to be a little quirky because it just popped into my head.
13:24So horsehair mattresses. So I was staying at a manor in England.
13:30Okay.
13:31Someone's home and they had a lot of bedrooms and old, old rugs.
13:34Yeah.
13:35And we were sleeping on a mattress made of horsehair.
13:37Yeah.
13:38That mattress had been around forever.
13:39Yes.
13:40I thought, really?
13:41Yes.
13:42We're sleeping on horsehair.
13:43Yeah.
13:44I prefer memory foam, but we were sleeping on a horsehair mattress.
13:49This was only a few years ago. These exist.
13:51Yeah.
13:52But, okay, so when you look at that super high-end mattress company, Heston's I think it's called.
13:57Yeah.
13:58Um, they layer horsehair still in their mattresses.
14:05Incredible.
14:06What is, do you happen to know what is it about horsehair? Why we use this to begin with? Why it continues to be used?
14:13I just find it kind of quirky after...
14:16That's interesting.
14:17Yeah, after all the science and research that the highest-end mattress will cost $30,000, $40,000, $50,000, have horsehair in them.
14:23Yeah.
14:24Because we're still using animal parts, like the goose, the goose to cover.
14:28Yeah, the feather.
14:29The feathers, the goose. This is all animals.
14:31So, do you think it's superior in its ability to last?
14:36I mean, last and the end is energetic. It's energetic. It's the vibration. It's energetic. It's how you mix this animal parts with synthetic fibers and synthetic things.
14:51And you create something more perfect, you know? And also, it's convenient. Like, when you travel, people were traveling the roads. In this country, in America, to go from one point to another, you can stay on the road for months.
15:08Yeah, yeah.
15:09You know? To create new places, new towns. You carry your mattress with you. You carry your skin.
15:18That's true. Your sleeping rolls. Yeah.
15:20Your sleeping rolls, your skins.
15:22Yeah.
15:23And the history of how humanity sleeps until now is fascinating.
15:27It is.
15:28It is.
15:29Different cultures. The sleep.
15:31Very different ways.
15:32You have the tatamis. You have the futons in Japan, in Asia.
15:35And you have those little wooden headrests in Africa.
15:38Yes.
15:39I tried that one time, and I don't understand that one at all.
15:43Yeah.
15:44I mean, it hurts.
15:45Yes.
15:46But you're right. Every country, every indigenous population has its own way of sleeping.
15:51Yes.
15:52And in the West, we are so spoiled.
15:53Yes.
15:54It's like we're going back to the womb.
15:56Well, you just said something super interesting, because it's that. It's when we sleep, we're
16:02going back to the womb.
16:03Yeah.
16:04And the first, and I said that in the book, the first water mattresses are so ancient.
16:11Like, thousands and thousands of years ago, even the Phoenicians create, with the skin,
16:20they inject water.
16:21Water.
16:22Water.
16:23And you have the water mattress that gives you this kind of uterus, warm feeling.
16:27Yeah.
16:28Yeah.
16:29Like, you're sleeping in, but you're still moving.
16:31Yeah, I had a water bed years ago.
16:33It's like...
16:34Yeah, the water bed, like, floating on this.
16:36Yeah.
16:37It's fascinating.
16:38It is fascinating.
16:39Okay.
16:40So now we move to modern history, okay?
16:42Yeah.
16:43And we're looking at 19th century.
16:44We're looking at plagues.
16:46Yes.
16:47We're looking at doctor's recommendations in the day.
16:50So bring us up to speed of what happened when...
16:54Now, we slept separately when we had our little mats.
16:58And in many cultures, they still sleep separately.
17:00Yes.
17:01You have your own mat.
17:02Yeah.
17:03You sleep alone.
17:04Yeah.
17:05Still, to this day.
17:06Yeah.
17:07And in many cultures also, you sleep all together, all the families together.
17:09And it has to do with economical reasons and...
17:12Weather.
17:13...access, weather and access...
17:14Whether it's super cold.
17:15...and access to more spaces in the rooms.
17:18Right.
17:19Mm-hmm.
17:20You go to Latin America and you can see still a lot of families sleeping.
17:23The whole family sleep together.
17:24Just all sleep together, yeah.
17:25Because there's no other way.
17:26Yeah.
17:27There's no other space.
17:28Yes.
17:29There's no other mattress.
17:30Yes.
17:31And you adapt to that.
17:32Yeah.
17:33But I love this quote that is in the book.
17:36As every person has to have his own plate or her own plate and a spoon, everybody should
17:44have their own bed.
17:46That was the recommendation from doctors at that time.
17:50Right.
17:51So that they wouldn't spread the plague.
17:52Yeah.
17:53So when did mattresses as we know them, where it's down to a couple sleeping together,
17:58start coming in to society?
18:00That's incredible.
18:01And doing this research on the history of the bed, I said, well, when did that happen?
18:07And you go into industrial revolution, and I said, oh, wait a minute.
18:14For economical reasons, they put the couple or marriage people together in the same bed.
18:24Mm-hmm.
18:25Because both needs to go out to work.
18:28And females have to wake up at the same time than men.
18:31Mm-hmm.
18:32And if I have a different cycle, females, we have a different cycle, circadian rhythm, completely
18:39different.
18:40We start, like, adapting to a male circadian rhythm.
18:45Mm-hmm.
18:46Waking up at the same time, and performing as a male, and working as a male, also taking
18:53care of the family and the kids.
18:55Mm-hmm.
18:56And then we are there, sleeping together.
19:00Mm-hmm.
19:01Western, especially.
19:02Western World Industrial Revolution.
19:03Western, yes.
19:04Yeah.
19:05And then you sleep together, and then it's like you don't question that.
19:10It has to happen.
19:11You sleep with your partner, no matter what.
19:14I remember my parents, and I was always, like, kind of fascinating with that.
19:20They have a long pillow.
19:22Mm-hmm.
19:23I don't know if you ever saw that.
19:24Yes.
19:25One long pillow, and they slept on the same pillow.
19:28It was like, for me, it was like, what is going on here?
19:33Yeah.
19:34Not only the same bed, the same pillow.
19:37Yeah.
19:38Means that every time you move your head, or if you want to kind of move your pillow.
19:42No.
19:43So, women for the first time are sleeping alone, because it's doctor's orders during the plague,
19:50you don't want to spread it, right?
19:51Yes.
19:52Okay.
19:53And then there was a phenomena that happened, which was that women were actually, either
19:58overtly or secretly, happy that they didn't have to respond to every sexual advance of
20:05their husband, just because he's lying next to him at night in the same bed.
20:08Yeah.
20:09And this created a little revolution of its own kind.
20:12Yeah.
20:13The women power and the women empowerment of decisions and their own mind.
20:21But it's super interesting, Regina, because...
20:24Because it didn't...
20:25The plague didn't last.
20:26We're back in the bed with each other.
20:27Yes.
20:28Yeah.
20:29But there's a subtle, subtle energetic change when you sleep alone.
20:36Mm-hmm.
20:37And I think that needs more and more research on that, because there's something happen
20:42with females when they sleep alone.
20:44And this empowerment is from the inside out.
20:48Mm-hmm.
20:49It's like very, like, inner transformation and have to do with sleeping alone.
20:58Mm-hmm.
20:59I said non-contaminated with the other person.
21:03Mm-hmm.
21:04Dreams, sounds, smells.
21:06Mm-hmm.
21:07Fluids.
21:08Mm-hmm.
21:09You see?
21:10And then women start, like, getting more power.
21:13Mm-hmm.
21:14And talking about rights.
21:16Mm-hmm.
21:17And female rights and voting rights.
21:19And they have to do with these periods of, wait, I'm going to sleep alone.
21:25Mm-hmm.
21:26By doctor orders or because I'm seeing.
21:29So subtly, when they were in that position thinking, I can sleep undisturbed, I can have
21:34my own dreams.
21:35Yes.
21:36And I can wake up feeling more refreshed and remember these dreams even.
21:39Yes.
21:40Which is harder to do when you're sleeping next to someone, no doubt about it.
21:43Yes.
21:44Absolutely.
21:45Yeah.
21:46Because the other person has their own things going on.
21:47Absolutely.
21:48They have their own, yes, exactly.
21:49Yeah.
21:50And their own, like, dreams and situations and thought processes.
21:55Mm-hmm.
21:56And emotional processes.
21:58Mm-hmm.
21:59But this is, we're talking about, like, certain, like, the Western, mostly Western civilization.
22:06Right.
22:07Not the rest of the world.
22:08No.
22:09And not the indigenous populations.
22:10No.
22:11And even those, like, religious Jews, they're always asleep separate.
22:17Mm-hmm.
22:18And when you go into the meaning of that and the symbolism and the scientific reason, it's
22:31unbelievable.
22:32Makes so much sense.
22:33Mm-hmm.
22:34Well, it, I mean, it does.
22:35And so many, now there's so much research.
22:38So, going back to the women, sharing a mattress, back to the Roman times.
22:43You write that.
22:44Yeah.
22:45There was the marital bed.
22:46Yes.
22:47And that was for procreation.
22:48That was for sex.
22:49Exactly.
22:50But they didn't sleep together.
22:51That wasn't for sleeping together.
22:52Bed is for sex.
22:53For sex, yeah.
22:54Bed is for sex.
22:55Yeah.
22:56And the elements really go into the beautification of this space for sex.
23:03Mm-hmm.
23:04Mm-hmm.
23:05Yeah.
23:06You know, the details and the meaning.
23:08The rituals and, yeah.
23:09And as you say, beautification.
23:10Yeah.
23:11So, it was very elevated and there was a proper space, but then everybody goes back
23:15to their own bed to sleep.
23:16Yes.
23:17Which is super interesting also because the sexuality is always related with bed.
23:25Right.
23:26So, when you think about bed, you think about sleeping and sex.
23:28Mm-hmm.
23:29Like, the two things that you do in bed, basically.
23:31Yeah, yeah.
23:32Yeah.
23:33And when you start getting into, wait a minute, if I sleep alone, the sensuality, the sexuality,
23:41it's more a decision.
23:44Mm-hmm.
23:45You mentioned that before.
23:46Yes.
23:47It's like, it's not happened because I'm next to this person.
23:49Right.
23:50Right.
23:51We're gonna talk about that.
23:52We're gonna...
23:53It's gonna be a joint decision.
23:54Yes.
23:55Yes.
23:56And so, one of the things that kind of surprised me coming up to today's time, because we're
24:00kind of there, is what you wrote here is there's some stats.
24:05And it's like, really?
24:06Yeah.
24:07We're...
24:08This is by the National Sleep Foundation?
24:09Yeah.
24:10Yeah.
24:11And it says here that 63% of millennial couples and 62% of Gen Z couples sleep alone.
24:20Yeah.
24:21Really.
24:22I mean, when I...
24:23I'm a boomer.
24:24When I was young, everybody slept with their...
24:25Yeah.
24:26...their mate, their husband, their boyfriend, whatever.
24:28Yeah.
24:29You always slept together.
24:30Yeah.
24:31Is this true?
24:32It is true.
24:33Two-thirds of the younger population sleep in separate spaces.
24:36Yeah.
24:37It is true.
24:38First of all, the marriage and the core have, like, living together.
24:44Uh, it's changing also.
24:45Yeah.
24:46It is.
24:47Uh, young females has much more economical power.
24:52Mm-hmm.
24:53They're much more independent.
24:54They're more themselves.
24:55Mm-hmm.
24:56They have their own voice.
24:57And they decided, like, wait, either we have two bedrooms.
25:01Mm-hmm.
25:02And I see it on my own kids.
25:03Yeah.
25:04Interesting.
25:05Yeah.
25:06Like, let's have two bedrooms.
25:07Mm-hmm.
25:08Um, or just live in different houses.
25:13Yeah.
25:14Yeah, yeah.
25:15And it's so interesting, this process of, okay, we see each other, we enjoy each other,
25:22but we don't have to sleep together every night.
25:25Mm-hmm.
25:26And listen, it's beautiful to sleep with your partner.
25:30Mm-hmm.
25:31And in any way I'm promoting sleep divorce or sleep by yourself all the time.
25:35Yeah.
25:36What I'm talking in this book is your night, at least once a week, you can transform your
25:44night in a spiritual retreat.
25:46Mm-hmm.
25:47You don't need to go to 40 days Vipassana or going to Tibet.
25:51Mm-hmm.
25:52You can do your retreat at night alone.
25:54Mm-hmm.
25:55And that's why there's 64 rituals.
25:57Yes.
25:58We're gonna get into a couple of those at the end of, I think we'll have time.
26:01Yeah.
26:02Okay, so, and so most people, again, according to research, feel, men and women both feel,
26:08they sleep better when they sleep alone.
26:10Yes.
26:11Now, what's interesting is women, seems to me, tend to be lighter sleepers than men.
26:15Yeah.
26:16Men oftentimes go into a deep sleep and it's like, God, I can't wake him, you know?
26:19Yes.
26:20You can toss and turn, oh, what happened?
26:22So, is, did your research find the same thing, that men in their own circadian rhythms, they
26:27go into a much deeper sleep at night than the woman next to them?
26:31Yes.
26:32Maybe lighter, but also different timings.
26:34Okay.
26:35We need it, we have a different schedule, a different hormonal cycle.
26:39Mm-hmm.
26:40And it have to be with our, like, menstruation and the moon cycle.
26:45It's not the same.
26:47Men doesn't have that.
26:49Mm-hmm.
26:50You know, we have an initiation every month.
26:53Mm-hmm.
26:54Even when you are menopause, we have the initiation.
26:57We have the restart.
26:59The blood coming out is a powerful thing for us.
27:04Men doesn't have that.
27:06Right.
27:07This rite of passage, we have it every month.
27:11And so, our sleep cycles change during the month.
27:14Absolutely.
27:15The men seem to be out cold.
27:16Absolutely.
27:17And if, talk to your friends.
27:19Yeah, yeah.
27:20I start like, this book was kind of a fun way to connect with my friends in the beginning.
27:26Mm-hmm.
27:27Birthday parties and going out, okay.
27:28Talking about sleep experiences.
27:29Yes.
27:30Yeah.
27:31Ninety percent says, the snoring, it's killing me.
27:36I can't.
27:37Oh, yeah.
27:38I know a lot of people.
27:39That's why they stop sleeping together.
27:40There you go.
27:41Yeah.
27:42Why?
27:43It's not just the snoring.
27:44The sound gets into your subconscious mind, into your cycle, into your rest period.
27:50Mm-hmm.
27:51You're going to rest.
27:52Mm-hmm.
27:53We need that.
27:55So, this is all influences.
27:59Mm-hmm.
28:00And of course, it's natural.
28:02People who are now in the boomer category, even a higher percentage tend to sleep alone.
28:07Because those things like waking up and just not being able to go back to sleep, especially
28:12among older women in particular, postmenopausal women is a deal.
28:17Yes.
28:18They don't want to wake their husbands up.
28:19Yeah.
28:20And both men and women both develop more snoring patterns as they get older.
28:25Yes.
28:26So, they can disturb each other's sleep by this time.
28:28Yes.
28:29And the movement and waking up to go to the bathroom.
28:31Yeah.
28:32Two or three times a night in some cases.
28:34Yes.
28:35So, that makes total sense, and I see a lot of that among people.
28:38Yeah.
28:39So, people believe they have a better night's sleep when they're alone.
28:42I wanted to bring up human design.
28:44Yeah.
28:45Ra, who created human design, was a huge proponent of people sleeping alone.
28:51Amazing.
28:52And that was to have a sovereignty of your own energy field, your aura.
28:57Absolutely.
28:58I mean, when you think about it, everything you've been through in a day is collected
29:03into this large field that we call our aura.
29:06Yeah.
29:07Some people have huge fields.
29:08Yeah.
29:09Others have a little more contracted.
29:10But nonetheless, when you're sleeping next to someone, everything you've experienced
29:13is spilling into each other's field.
29:15Absolutely.
29:16Yes.
29:17And from that point of view alone, to me, it makes a lot of sense that you get at least
29:22carve out a couple nights a week where you can have clear sleep.
29:25Yes.
29:26Yes.
29:27And in the beginning, like you mentioned, like, and I've been talking to so many women
29:33that want to do it and feel afraid to even mention that.
29:38To bring it up, yeah.
29:39Because they'll hurt their husband's feelings.
29:41Yes.
29:42Yeah.
29:43And probably vice versa.
29:44Absolutely.
29:45Yeah.
29:46And I have a lot of males now contacting me and talking to me about that and said,
29:50I want to do the rituals too, and I want to do this, and I need that too.
29:55And that's opened a whole new conversation about relationships and desire and who I am in the
30:07relationship and roles and wantings.
30:12And where you are now in life compared to where you were five or 10 or 20 years ago.
30:17It's important to acknowledge these things and adjust instead of just expecting everything's
30:22going to be the same as it always was, because it isn't.
30:25It isn't.
30:26It doesn't.
30:27It changes.
30:28Yeah.
30:29And to not take it personally.
30:30Yeah.
30:31And this with human design and the influences of the energy field of the other person,
30:37the problem with us, this Western society, is that we don't see it, we don't believe it.
30:43Right.
30:44You know?
30:45Like, I don't, we, but we are exchanging right now.
30:48Yeah.
30:49With all the viewers and all the listeners, electromagnetic fields.
30:54Mm-hmm.
30:55That it's expanding a lot because we have a brain here.
30:59Mm-hmm.
31:00And a brain in the gut.
31:01Mm-hmm.
31:02But this brain is acting more than the brain in the head.
31:04Yeah.
31:05The heart.
31:06The heart brain.
31:07And that's really coming to the surface now.
31:08Yes.
31:09Yeah.
31:10And that's what happens when you sleep with somebody.
31:11So I'm saying, you don't have to non-sleep with your partner forever.
31:17Like, take one night a week and try and see what happens and share this with your partner.
31:23Yeah, because your dreams definitely change.
31:25Absolutely.
31:26The depth of sleep can really change.
31:28Yes.
31:29And there's another phenomenon.
31:30I interviewed someone a few years ago on sleep and sleep patterns.
31:34Mm-hmm.
31:35And they said, one thing that is indigenous people still practice and understand well is
31:41they call it two sleeps.
31:43Yeah.
31:44So you have the first sleep at night.
31:45Yeah.
31:46And then somewhere in the morning in the wee hours around.
31:48Yeah.
31:49Maybe between one and two o'clock or three o'clock in the morning.
31:51Yeah.
31:52You wake up and you might find yourself wide awake.
31:54Yeah.
31:55And oftentimes that's when you are thinking about things, contemplating.
31:59Yeah.
32:00Sometimes they're having sex.
32:01Yeah.
32:02You know, that's your time to be together or whatever you choose.
32:04Yeah.
32:05But distinctly two separate sleeps, that's kind of hard to do when you're with someone else
32:09and you're on a different two sleep cycle.
32:11Absolutely.
32:12Maybe in journal, for example.
32:13Yeah.
32:14But you can't turn the light on.
32:15Yes.
32:16You don't want to disturb your partner.
32:17Yeah.
32:18So the idea is let's have fun and explore a different way of communication with your
32:24partner.
32:25Yeah.
32:26And with yourself.
32:27And you mentioned also women, especially, that sleep alone for a long time.
32:31Women that are single, that don't have a partner or don't want to have a partner
32:35or have a, like, from time to time something.
32:38And this content, this book is very useful also because it's not just, oh, I'm just going
32:45to sleep alone and have fun.
32:47It's like, I can really evolve during the night.
32:52There's a spiritual evolution, a consciousness evolution, if I know what to do during my night
32:59alone.
33:00Right.
33:01That is fabulous.
33:02Well, just like we talked about, if you wake up and a dream, a really profound dream
33:06has just come through.
33:07Yeah.
33:08You can flip the light on.
33:09You can journal it.
33:10Yes.
33:11That's one example of things we can do to start seeing our internal reflections being
33:15shown to us or premonitions or whatever it might be.
33:18Yeah.
33:19And also, you can change the outcome of your day and the outcome of your life if you know
33:25how to do these lucid dreams practices.
33:27Yes.
33:28And that's hard to do next to someone for sure.
33:30Absolutely.
33:31Yeah.
33:32Okay.
33:33So, you say one thing we need to do is make our beds, whether we sleep with someone or
33:38whether we sleep alone, a sacred space.
33:40Yes.
33:41So, talk about that for a moment.
33:42How you make this a lovely, sacred space.
33:44I like to see my bed as a magic carpet where every night I'm taking a flight to a different
33:53planet, to a different reality, to a different space.
33:58And it's true.
33:59Mm-hmm.
34:00My soul is leaving my body.
34:01Right.
34:02So, Jewish people, again, has this prayer in the morning where you thank the Creator
34:08to bring your soul back to you.
34:10Mm-hmm.
34:11Because it's, like, fascinating.
34:13Mm-hmm.
34:14You don't...
34:15You just go and you go during the night.
34:17Yeah.
34:18So, I want to see the bed and everything ritualized and beautification of everything.
34:24Right.
34:25So, whatever that means to you, to have your own pillow that works just right for your...
34:30That's really important.
34:31Yeah.
34:32Getting the right pillow.
34:33Oh, yeah.
34:34I mean, this is just practical, but everyone's neck and structure is different.
34:36Yes.
34:37Having the right pillow, maybe even having an essential oil or scent or something that
34:42you spray on your pillow before you go to sleep at night.
34:45Yeah.
34:46Yeah.
34:47And then you talk to your pillow.
34:48Mm-hmm.
34:49Pillow talk.
34:50It's like, you thank your pillow in advance.
34:53I said, listen, I'm going to go to you.
34:55Mm-hmm.
34:56And you're going to hold my head.
34:57Imagine my brain is going to be there.
34:59Mm-hmm.
35:00And just let's go together.
35:02Mm-hmm.
35:03Be part of this, this experience, fun experience.
35:07Make things fun.
35:08It makes me laugh because my pillow and I do go places together.
35:11I have an array of pillows.
35:13Yeah.
35:14All different pillows for different things on my bed.
35:15But my one little pillow that's just the lightest of down feathers goes everywhere.
35:21Beautiful.
35:22I make sure it's in my suitcase.
35:23I love that.
35:24Yeah.
35:25It comes with me and I just roll it up however my head wants to be positioned at night.
35:29Because it's your energy.
35:30Mm-hmm.
35:31And if this pillow can talk, it has so much information about...
35:34So many secrets.
35:36And in the book, there's one of the chapters, one of the ritual is about glymphatic cleaning.
35:43Mm-hmm.
35:44That is something that they discovered the last 10 years.
35:46Lymphatic cleaning?
35:47Glymphatic.
35:48Glymphatic.
35:49We have the lymphatic system that works when we move.
35:52Right.
35:53Glymphatic is a system that cleans your brain when you sleep.
35:58Okay.
35:59And it's like the people cleaning the, swiping the...
36:02So it's important that your head is positioned comfortably just to let all the fluids flow.
36:07Absolutely.
36:08Okay, now I have another thing to ask you.
36:09And then we'll get to a couple of sleep rituals that you talk about in the book.
36:12Yeah.
36:13So one of the things I inadvertently discovered was because I do podcasts in the morning,
36:19people will be interviewing me on shows around the world.
36:22And sometimes it's a little too early for my face.
36:25Yeah.
36:26And so I was buying a new mattress recently.
36:28Okay.
36:29And the guy, the mattress salesperson said,
36:32oh, here, try this.
36:33And then he gets out his remote control.
36:35Have you ever been in an adjustable bed?
36:37I said, no, and I don't intend to.
36:38That's like for hospitals.
36:39He goes, really?
36:40Yeah.
36:41And he starts going like this.
36:42And I'm like, oh, my God.
36:44Ooh.
36:45Whoa.
36:46That's interesting.
36:47Yeah.
36:48I said, okay, I'll try it.
36:49And so I didn't really use it initially.
36:51And I thought, wait a minute.
36:52When I'm sleeping, if I put it in that inclined position, my eyes aren't puffy in the morning.
36:59You see?
37:00I'm not stuffy in any way.
37:02Yeah.
37:03But I sleep much deeper.
37:05And particularly those last morning hours where that deep REM and those dreams come through.
37:10Absolutely.
37:11What's up with that about sleeping in a slight inclined position?
37:14It was a surprise.
37:15It depends on your body.
37:16It was a surprise.
37:17It depends on your body and your needs, but it's very fun to explore.
37:21I did, and I thought, this is great.
37:23So there are times you just want to curl up on your side and just wrap around a pillow and everything.
37:28I love my pillows.
37:29Yeah, I love the pillows.
37:30But there are other times where it's like, no, I need to just be in this position and be very quiet.
37:36And you don't move all night.
37:38You don't.
37:39So I'm happy I experimented with it and I'm playing with it.
37:42And I still do from time to time, especially before podcasts.
37:45Yeah.
37:46Might be something for people to play with.
37:48Yes.
37:49You can put it on most mattresses.
37:50Yes.
37:51Or you can pile some pillows and go a little bit more.
37:55You can.
37:56It's not quite as comfortable.
37:57I've kind of tried different ones.
37:59But this is a very interesting point, that you find the best way for you to sleep.
38:04And when you are next to a person every night of your whole life, sometimes you don't even have the thought or the idea.
38:13I know a lot of divorced women that are still, they are alone in the bed, and they're still sleeping in the side of the bed that they used to sleep when the husband was there.
38:25And I say, honey, expand.
38:27Open your arms.
38:28I am one of them.
38:29Yeah.
38:30Stretch.
38:31I sleep on my side, but it's not because of that.
38:33It's because my feet need freedom and fresh air.
38:36Yeah.
38:37Because that's my temperature regulator.
38:38I like to have cold feet.
38:39Yeah.
38:40And it's hard to get my feet out when you're in the middle of the bed.
38:42Yeah.
38:43You're struggling.
38:44So everyone has their own reasons for it.
38:45Of course.
38:46But at least open up like a starfish.
38:51Mm-hmm.
38:52Yeah.
38:53And feel the erections and feel the...
38:54And do snow angels in your bed.
38:56Absolutely.
38:57That's part of the rituals.
38:58Yeah.
38:59Like, you beautify and you kind of...
39:03Everything is sacred.
39:04Yeah.
39:05So this bed that is going to hold your body for the entire night and your pillow is a sacred space.
39:12Third of your life.
39:13It has to be.
39:14So we've kind of established a little bit, you know, and all these scientific studies are saying people not only do sleep deeper, they feel they sleep deeper.
39:23So we don't need to make that in indigenous populations around the world and others.
39:28People still sleep on their own mats or their own mattresses.
39:32Yeah.
39:33So in American culture, this is just, it's a construct that has a lot of emotional baggage with it that we're afraid to bring up with each other.
39:41And that's why I think what you're doing is important to say, no, no, no, this is a sacred time.
39:46Yeah.
39:47So giving people permission to say, honey, I heard this show.
39:50And I'd like to just even go sleep on the couch for a night if I need to.
39:54Let's try.
39:55And don't take it personally.
39:56Yeah.
39:57So give us a couple sleep rituals before.
39:59We talked about the pillow.
40:00The pillow is beautiful.
40:01Yeah.
40:02I like, there's a lot of rituals in the book and there's a whole chapter of mantras that I, like, make it really, really easy.
40:09My favorite mantras, because it's like sacred repetitions and wording that you can say to yourself.
40:16One is this beautification and sacredness of the...
40:20Mm-hmm.
40:21Make your bed beautiful.
40:23Make your sheets so that they feel good on your skin, whatever that may be.
40:26Some people like them a little coarser.
40:28Yes.
40:29Some people need smooth.
40:30Yes.
40:31But make it right for you.
40:32One of the rituals that are in the book that I love it, and I love flowers.
40:37I think flowers has a strong medicine.
40:40So you put a little napkin, you create a little mandala with some flowers.
40:45You can cut flowers that you have in your house, and you do a little, like, prayer.
40:51Make this beautiful scents and the spirit of the flowers stay with me during the night.
41:03Then you remove this.
41:04You're not going to sleep on top of the flowers.
41:06You can put it on the floor or next...
41:08Or next to the bed.
41:09Next to the bed, on the little, like, table next to the bed.
41:12And take your roses or whatever with you in your dream time.
41:16Yes.
41:17And in the morning, you take these beautiful flowers, and you offer it to the waters or
41:23to the garden, and you do your little offering thinking.
41:28That's a beautiful ritual.
41:29It's so easy to do.
41:30It's easy.
41:31And also, these scents are very high, depending on the blossom, very high frequency.
41:35Yes.
41:36If you take a rose, for example, that's setting you into a very high frequency range as you're
41:41going to sleep.
41:42Yes.
41:43And you can use even rose essential oil on your pillow.
41:45Yes.
41:46And I encourage people to do some research on the power of this, the medicine of the flowers.
41:52Yes.
41:53And then I say, okay, I feel depressed, or I feel down, or I feel sad.
41:58What is the right flower for me to do this small ritual before going to bed?
42:03Yeah.
42:04And you just get some petals.
42:05Yeah.
42:06Or two or three flowers.
42:07Do your circle.
42:08Or even, like, citrus if you need that boost, you know?
42:11Yes.
42:12Yeah.
42:13And then remove it.
42:14Mm-hmm.
42:15That's a beautiful ritual.
42:16The other one that I love, and I invite all these females and males to, create your throne.
42:23Get a chair.
42:24An old chair.
42:25Whatever chair.
42:26If they have, like, the arms, chairs, it's better.
42:29Mm-hmm.
42:30And intervene with art.
42:32Just put, like, feathers and crystals, whatever you want to put.
42:37So make your throne, personalize your throne with whatever you find beautiful.
42:41Yes.
42:42Yeah.
42:43And then you sit there for five minutes before going to bed.
42:46But put it next to your bed.
42:47Interesting.
42:48Sit on the throne.
42:49And it's a little meditation, I assume?
42:51That's the meditation.
42:52Yeah.
42:53And you feel your royalty.
42:55Mm-hmm.
42:56Your sovereignty.
42:57Your sovereignty.
42:58Mm-hmm.
42:59You feel your lineage of power and presence.
43:05Meditate.
43:06Like, maybe one minute.
43:07Two minutes.
43:08Set your intention for your dream time.
43:09Yes.
43:10Yeah.
43:11But have the throne as your personal space.
43:15Because this is, this all symbolic things are gonna translate into your dreams, lucid dreams.
43:24And for sure, believe me, you're gonna start seeing magic everywhere.
43:29And your reality are gonna be like, wow.
43:32Mm-hmm.
43:33I never seen that.
43:34I never noticed that.
43:36I never knew that.
43:37And it was always there.
43:39So don't just drag yourself in and out of bed.
43:42Yeah.
43:43Know that this is a very sacred time where you're out there doing a lot.
43:47You're in other dimensions doing a lot.
43:49And the more you have a chance to sleep clearly.
43:52Yeah.
43:53Several REM cycles, as you say.
43:55The more you can bring back into conscious awareness.
43:57Because oftentimes, I interviewed Theresa Chung, now and then, out of England.
44:02Yeah.
44:03And she writes the book on dream, books on dreams.
44:05Yeah, that's beautiful.
44:06And so much about our own healing.
44:08And about what's trying to reveal itself to us of our futures happens in dream time.
44:12But if you can't get clear sleep, you don't hear the message.
44:15Yeah.
44:16So that's why those rituals, these 64 rituals, are so very simple.
44:20Yeah.
44:21There's nothing complicated.
44:22You don't need to buy anything.
44:24It's just, oh, okay.
44:25Just take one or two that you really like and use them.
44:27Yeah.
44:28Well, any final thoughts before we say goodbye?
44:30We're out of time, I'm afraid.
44:31That went fast.
44:33Oh, this is an oracle.
44:35The oracle is on your hands and in your mind.
44:39And if you open it up with intention, magic will happen.
44:44And we can evolve.
44:46We need to evolve.
44:47And this is the time to do it.
44:49And thank you very much.
44:50I'm so happy to be here with you.
44:51I'm happy.
44:52And I'm happy to meet you.
44:53Yeah.
44:54My Argentine energy, as I said.
44:55And thank you for writing.
44:56An accent.
44:57An accent.
44:58And thank you for writing this book.
44:59My Argentine tango teachers, I love it.
45:01There you go.
45:02Thank you so much, Cynthia.
45:04Cynthia's book is titled The Joy of Sleeping Alone, and it can be found at all major booksellers.
45:08Until next time, thank you for joining us here on Open Minds.
Be the first to comment