Taskmaster - Season 20 Episode 00- Taskmaster's New Year Treat, Episode 1
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00:00.
00:30Hello! Hello!
00:33Thank you. Welcome.
00:35My name is Greg Davis.
00:37Who doesn't like to see things doing things that they shouldn't be doing?
00:41A penguin on a bike? Hilarious.
00:43A dog surfing on a big wave? So funny.
00:46A child, hammered on ten pints of Stella? What a laugh.
00:49What about non-comedians coming on a show designed for comedians, though?
00:53Is that funny? Is it? Look at me. Will that be funny?
00:56What do you know, sitting there on your sofa?
00:59It's New Year's treat time, and we're about to find out.
01:02So, now, for the first of not one, but two New Year's treats,
01:06please welcome...
01:08Big Zoom!
01:10Jill Starr!
01:12Stan Ryder!
01:15Susie Dad!
01:17Rose Aileen Ellis!
01:22And next to me, a man who tells me that when his band is on tour,
01:26he doesn't like going up to the northern cities
01:28because the people don't eat vegetables, so their teeth are loose.
01:33Yes!
01:35A little Alex Horne!
01:37This is harder. This is harder than I talk.
01:40Not just a little Alex Horne anymore.
01:41A little Alex Horne has got an OBE.
01:44OBE!
01:45OBE!
01:46OBE!
01:47You haven't, though, have you?
01:48OBE!
01:49Oh, no, I've got an OBE, OEE!
01:50I've got an OBE!
01:51I've got an OBE!
01:52Do you want me to play you a tune?
01:54Yes!
01:55Yes!
01:56You might want to hold that thing on the board.
01:58Just...
01:59You want me to hold this?
02:00Shhh!
02:01Don't let them see.
02:02Here we go.
02:04BUZZER
02:08Pull! Pull!
02:09Pull!
02:12Harder.
02:13Ooh!
02:15LAUGHTER
02:23Right, prize task time.
02:25What's the category, Alex?
02:26Yes.
02:27Well, Greg, it involves alliteration and violence
02:31because you've asked him to bring in the most wonderful thing to whack.
02:36Five points for the most wonderful thing to whack
02:38and five wacky prizes for the wonderful winner of episode one.
02:41Thank you, Greg, and thank you to the fans at home.
02:47Welcome, Big Sue.
02:48Have you brought a good thing to whack?
02:50I've been doing a bit of boxing.
02:51Ah.
02:52So, I've got a dummy that's got a face of Alex on it.
02:56Yes, he has.
02:57Oh, this is strong.
02:58There it is, Greg.
02:59Shall I look at it?
03:00LAUGHTER
03:06That is a strong start.
03:07Who's next?
03:08Hello, Jill, you all right?
03:09What have you brought to whack?
03:10So, it's something that you would really whack with.
03:14So, this is, erm, my pillow, basically.
03:16This is Jill's pillow, the jello.
03:18LAUGHTER
03:21It's Roy Keane.
03:22Obviously, if he was going to whack you, you'd be really scared.
03:25I'd be frightened.
03:26Yeah.
03:27I'd be frightened just to be in the same room as the man.
03:28Yeah.
03:29I tried to kind of be like him when I played football in midfield,
03:32hence why I got a lot of red cards.
03:34You've taken the edge off him with his Santa outfit, though, haven't you?
03:37LAUGHTER
03:38Yeah.
03:39It's good.
03:40Yeah.
03:41Yeah, it's strong.
03:42Lovely stuff.
03:43OK.
03:44All right, Sam.
03:45Hello, mate.
03:46What have you bought?
03:47It's a nice bracket.
03:48Someone will win that.
03:49Really?
03:50That's just a nice prize.
03:52Well, now I realise it's quite, erm...
03:55I should have done better, I think.
03:57LAUGHTER
03:58I did find a dildo in the kick drum, actually,
04:00when we were putting it together.
04:01True story.
04:02We used to stick the dildo right where the beetle would hit,
04:05at the front, and obviously the drummer can't see it,
04:07but the crowd can through that hole.
04:09And every time you'd hit it, it would wag.
04:12LAUGHTER
04:13I haven't included the dildo today.
04:16Aw.
04:17Shut off.
04:18Shut off.
04:19Suddenly the prize is worthless.
04:21LAUGHTER
04:24Susie.
04:25So, I have bought a piƱata of Alex's head.
04:30Oh, good.
04:31Erm, because it's a wonderful thing to whack,
04:34and also you have such an amazing brain, Alex,
04:36we all want to know what's in it.
04:38Oh, thank you.
04:40Here is the piƱata.
04:41Ah.
04:42LAUGHTER
04:43That is good.
04:44Oh, my God, it's so good.
04:45So, this one is filled with chocolate coins,
04:48because, Greg, I know if there's anything you like
04:50more than money, it's money you can eat.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:54My God.
04:55I feel sick.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:58It's strong, Susie. It's strong.
04:59Hello, Rose. What have you brought in, please?
05:00Basically, I brought in a slice of cheese.
05:01Yes, he has a slice of cheese.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03I know that this looks like I'm not putting in a lot of effort.
05:04It does.
05:05Yes.
05:06But I created a video specially for you to explain why I think it's so wonderful to whack with.
05:11Yes, this is Rose whacking the cheese.
05:26LAUGHTER
05:27That's so good!
05:29You're backing the game.
05:30Thank you, thank you.
05:31Right, shall I score it?
05:32Go for it.
05:33I think a drum kit's a wonderful thing to whack, but I think it's a bit Route 1 wacky. But I also think it's a lovely drum kit, so I'm not going to give it one point. I'm going to give Sam two points. I want to see Roy Keane whack someone. I want to see Big Zoo punch you in the face. I'm giving them three points.
05:55OK. Four points goes to Susie, but I'm going to give five points, because no-one can beat cheese being slapped all over the place. I'm going to give five points to Rose!
06:10Well done, Rose!
06:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
06:15Let's see them in action properly, shall we? What's for starters, little Alex Hahn?
06:19Well, this task might make you think it was inspired by the popular dating app Grindr, because it involves problems.
06:24Because it involves prodding a bear.
06:26LAUGHTER
06:42Come in, Sam, Ryder.
06:44Buzzing for this one.
06:46This room's mad.
06:48It's his room.
06:50Hello.
06:51Enjoying the chair?
06:53Er, this one, yeah, I do like this one.
06:55Yeah.
06:56It's quite low.
06:57It's making me feel a bit inferior, because you're on a very high stool.
06:59Ooh, that looked pretty.
07:01It's pretty and practical.
07:03Practical?
07:04Mm-hmm.
07:06Another day, another letter.
07:08Oh, gosh.
07:10Prod the bear.
07:11Don't that mean just stabbing them?
07:13Well, gently.
07:14Fastest wins, your time...
07:16Pardon?
07:18Pardon?
07:19I don't want to finish it, because every time I say your time starts now, you...
07:22Oh, you've just said it.
07:24Is the bear in multiple locations?
07:27You can't tell me.
07:28Is the bear in here?
07:29I don't...
07:30I just don't know, Big Zoo.
07:31Oh, come on!
07:32All right.
07:33All right.
07:34All right.
07:35Amazing.
07:36I mean, Sam thinks it's safe to use the phrase, your time starts now.
07:41We're trying to avoid saying your time starts now.
07:47Big start.
07:48This bodes badly.
07:49Let's go.
07:50Let's go.
07:51All right.
07:52Well, we begin with two consummate professionals who, up to this point in their careers, have been
07:56widely admired.
07:57It is Sam Ryder and Jill Scott, MBE.
08:00Prod a bear.
08:03Um...
08:04Well, if the table was bear, could I just prod the table being bear?
08:11You think.
08:12I don't feel like that's telling.
08:14I'm looking for a bear.
08:15Looking for a bear.
08:16Bear in the loo.
08:18Looking for a bear.
08:19Any bears in here?
08:21Anybody seen a bear?
08:23Prod.
08:24That's it.
08:25Bear.
08:26Bear.
08:27Is it a bear?
08:28Greg's like a big bear.
08:29He won't like that.
08:30Well, I'll write it down, but I don't think you're finished.
08:31Oh.
08:32I'll keep looking.
08:33Yeah, you think there might be some clues.
08:34Bear.
08:35Not a bear in there.
08:36Not a bear in there.
08:37You look, the thing is there's so much shit in this house.
08:38Pardon?
08:39What is a bear?
08:40Yeah, we've tried to help you.
08:41I don't know.
08:42I don't know.
08:43I don't know.
08:44I don't know.
08:45I don't know.
08:46I don't know.
08:47I don't know.
08:48I don't know.
08:49I don't know.
08:50I don't know.
08:51I don't know.
08:52I don't know.
08:53Is this a bear?
08:54Yeah, we've tried to help you.
08:55Is this you helping?
08:56Is this a bear?
08:57I mean, it's a cat, but it doesn't count.
08:58I shouldn't have to tell you what a bear is.
08:59I see flags.
09:00Ah.
09:01What would the flags mean?
09:02Am I hot or cold?
09:03That's a very good question.
09:04Rabbits.
09:05I'm seeing every single animal apart from a bear.
09:06Have you ever been to Sweden?
09:07Yeah.
09:08What was it like?
09:09It was okay.
09:10What was Norway like?
09:11It was nice.
09:12Do you know anything about Greenland?
09:13It's green.
09:14Flags.
09:15They're new.
09:16Oh, yeah.
09:17Oh, yeah.
09:18Oh, yeah.
09:19Oh, yeah.
09:20Oh, yeah.
09:21Oh, yeah.
09:22Oh, yeah.
09:23Oh, yeah.
09:24Oh, yeah.
09:25Oh, yeah.
09:26Oh, yeah.
09:27Oh, yeah.
09:28Oh, yeah.
09:29Oh, yeah.
09:30Flags.
09:31They're new.
09:32Oh, yeah.
09:33They're nothing to do with this, aren't they?
09:35Quite often, we put things around the dark.
09:38Oh, yeah.
09:39Oh, yeah.
09:40Oh!
09:41Did you see them?
09:42It's a World Cup.
09:44It's not all about football, Jill.
09:46Salamanders, ducks, hens.
09:49Ever been to the Seychelles?
09:51No.
09:52I've heard it's nice, though.
09:53I haven't been in the lab.
09:54I should have gone to the lab, shouldn't I?
09:56Oh, fuck off.
09:58Think like a bear, reach for the stars, be brave.
10:03The great bear is always watching over you.
10:06It's summing up a ball.
10:08Right.
10:09But there's nothing here.
10:11You must always hold your stick aloft.
10:14Mr. Bear will be back in a tick.
10:17Tick, loft, those two are in italics.
10:21You don't have a loft in here.
10:23You're never more than 15 steps from a bear.
10:26One, two, three.
10:28So that would be up there.
10:31And it's got a little flag on it.
10:33And there's other flags around the house.
10:35Oh, you bastard!
10:36Oh, you bastard!
10:38Oh, you bastard!
10:39Oh, you bastard!
10:40Oh, you bastard!
10:41Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!
10:42Bastard! Bastard!
10:44Oh, you bastard!
10:45I've stopped the clock.
10:46I've shit myself!
10:47I've shit myself!
10:50Oh!
10:54Ah!
10:55Ah!
10:56Ah!
10:57Ah!
10:58Ah!
10:59Have you pulled the bear?
11:00Have you pulled the bear?
11:01I've pulled it in!
11:06OK.
11:07I thought Sam seemed very close to breaking this early on throughout that.
11:12I wrote down some of his quotes.
11:14There's just so much shit in this place!
11:17You, Jill, different demeanour.
11:18Have you been offered a truffle show yet, Jill?
11:21Some of the reviews that Jill did of countries there.
11:25Sweden.
11:26OK.
11:27Norway.
11:28Nice.
11:29Greenland.
11:30Green.
11:31You're supposed to say shells.
11:32No.
11:33I've heard it's nice.
11:34Done!
11:35That's it!
11:36Jill's world!
11:38Better see two more.
11:39Well, now it's time for two more people with an MBE.
11:41One loves the OED.
11:42The other studied at DYT and UCA.
11:44Also, I have IBS.
11:45TMI?
11:46I don't know it.
11:47Susie!
11:48And...
11:49Rose.
11:51OK, I'm going out.
11:52OK.
11:53Nice to see you.
11:54What are you?
11:55My flags.
11:56What is there?
12:00That might be outside.
12:01Outside, OK.
12:02That's Barbados.
12:04Seychelles.
12:06Don't know that one.
12:08Broad the bear.
12:09It's not an anagram, is it?
12:12Not everything's an anagram.
12:14That's such a shame.
12:17Iceland.
12:18That's a different country flag.
12:20Greenland!
12:22Paraguay.
12:24Japan.
12:25Have you been to Iceland?
12:26Yeah.
12:27What was it like?
12:28Very cold.
12:29Cold, interesting.
12:31Are we talking about polar bears?
12:34Ah!
12:35They're getting warmer or colder.
12:38Cold.
12:40Cold.
12:41Cold.
12:42Interesting.
12:43Yeah!
12:44So they're telling me, oh, that's very cold.
12:46And now I'm getting warmer.
12:47It's also a climate.
12:48Could be.
12:49Do I have to look in an oven?
12:50Yeah.
12:51And then here, where's hot out, isn't it?
12:52Oh, what's that?
12:53Oh, that's maybe the hottest country.
12:54Ah!
12:56That's top o'clock.
12:58Look up.
13:00What, Peter?
13:01What do I need to put?
13:02Have you got a loft at home?
13:03I do.
13:04And I have, like, a hooky thing.
13:05But this is not really a hooky thing.
13:06Oh!
13:07I'm trying to put...
13:08have you got a loft at home?
13:10I do, and I have, like, a hooky thing.
13:11Right.
13:12But this is not really a hooky thing.
13:15Ah!
13:17Yes!
13:18odie S notions
13:20Goddess
13:21Come on.
13:22I've got a loft.
13:23OK, I've got a loft.
13:26It seems to me Rose was fast.
13:28I don't know.
13:29You were fast and pleased with yourself when you solved
13:30the riddle.
13:32when you solved the riddle.
13:33I was so satisfied.
13:35Susie, you seemed to pretty much lose interest
13:38when you realised that this wasn't anagram-based.
13:42That is the story of my life.
13:45OK, time for our first break.
13:47And, Alex, Happy New Year, mate.
13:49Are you excited?
13:49Yes.
14:02Hello!
14:04Welcome back to our New Year's treat.
14:07It's 2026 and the robots haven't taken over yet.
14:11Hmm, and that's a joke which could age very badly.
14:14The current task has seen our cast try to find the bear
14:17as quickly as possible and then prod it.
14:19Only one person to go.
14:21And very much like Twycross,
14:22the large wildlife attraction in Leicestershire,
14:25it's Big Zoo.
14:26Good.
14:27Who are you, bear?
14:30You're probably not in the lab.
14:35Oh, it's not here.
14:37What do you find in the lab?
14:38Nothing in the lab?
14:38No, there's a couple things in there,
14:40but not a bear.
14:42The kitchen.
14:44You've seen so many countries.
14:46Why is it like an ethnic bear?
14:49There's multiple flags.
14:50Yes.
14:51You recognise any of them?
14:53Yeah.
14:53America.
14:54Yep.
14:55That one.
14:56Greenland.
14:57There's no holidays.
14:58Woo, there's a bear.
14:59There's a bear, yeah.
15:00You're a gay.
15:02Where's the bear?
15:05You're not helping.
15:05No, no.
15:06I see that.
15:07You're friends.
15:10Feel like a bear.
15:11Reach for the stars.
15:12The bear must be on the roof.
15:22The roof.
15:24Oh, no, man.
15:26I've looked up.
15:27I've looked around.
15:28Oh, no.
15:29The clues don't help, man.
15:31No, I see that.
15:32Yeah.
15:38I can see a bear head right there.
15:41I declare myself pardoned.
15:47I've got the thoughts.
15:52For a young man, you looked, for most of it, like an irritated grunt.
15:56Just wandering around.
15:59When you're in there, things change, bro.
16:02Yeah.
16:03There's mad pressure in that yard.
16:04He didn't appear stressed.
16:06He was very close to giving up, and we didn't know there was that bear head in the garage.
16:10Yeah, that was just my chance.
16:11That's my old task.
16:12Well, thank God you happened upon it.
16:14It did take nearly half an hour.
16:15All right, a good ten minutes more than anyone else, so it is one point to Big Zoo.
16:20One point, Big Zoo.
16:21One point to Big Zoo.
16:21The rest were very close.
16:22Susie, you were fourth, 16 minutes 30.
16:26Just behind Sam, 15 minutes and three seconds.
16:29You were 15 seconds slower than Jill.
16:31You would have been quicker if you'd left the living room quicker.
16:32But Jill, you come second with 14 minutes 48.
16:34But Rose was the fastest with 13 minutes.
16:36Oh!
16:40Is it score time?
16:41It is, and there is one person in the lead with a perfect ten so far.
16:45It is Rose Olingham.
16:46Wow.
16:51What have we got next, Alex?
16:53With a nod, a wink, a cough, and a clap, we have Dice.
17:04Hello, hello.
17:12Hello, Rose.
17:12Hi.
17:13Yeah, I feel like I'm in a butcher's.
17:14You've got a briefcase, a baize, and a metronome.
17:17Yeah.
17:17What did you call this?
17:18I went for baize.
17:19Baize?
17:20Baize.
17:21Baize.
17:22All right, cool, baize.
17:22All right, go on.
17:23And a briefcase.
17:25Briefcase.
17:25I'm a bit scared.
17:27You tried to make a TM out of the dice.
17:30Why is everything so branded, bro?
17:32All right.
17:32Throw one or more dice to get a number.
17:36Then clap, cough, nod, and blink.
17:39That number of time before the next flash.
17:43If you do not complete the secrets before the next flash, the task is over.
17:48At the end of the task, your total number of completed sequences will be multiplied by
17:52your number of dice to give you a score.
17:54High score wins.
17:56You must use your number of a dice in the next minute, and you must berate yourself throughout
18:01the task.
18:01And you must berate yourself throughout the task.
18:04Your time will start on the first flash.
18:08Okay, I can't do a practice, can I?
18:10Yeah, you can't.
18:10Good.
18:11Well, I think we all understand the task this time, do we?
18:24It's complicated, but it will make sense when we do it.
18:27It will.
18:27One sits in dictionary corner, one takes corners,
18:30and the other one is Big Zoo. Here we go.
18:35I'm going to go for two. Two. OK, perfect.
18:37Which is brave. Right.
18:38I'm just going to go for two dice. I know my limits.
18:41I was a safe midfielder.
18:43Should I go for five dice? No!
18:46I don't want to get influenced by you, man.
18:48I'm going to go for four. OK.
18:50Four dice. Your time starts.
18:53Now. I'm tired about this kind of thing. Eight.
18:56So, I'll get 30 seconds. Yeah.
18:59Six.
19:08Cool. OK.
19:10I'm going to wait for the next flash.
19:12Yeah. Quite an awkward gap now before the next one.
19:15OK. Maybe I should have had more dice.
19:18Oh, did it go? It went. Nine.
19:20Six, nine, eleven, er, seventeen.
19:25I think I'm blinking throughout anywhere.
19:41Seven.
19:42Oh, nine.
19:44Fourteen.
19:45Fourteen.
19:46Fourteen.
19:47Fourteen.
19:48Fourteen.
19:49Fourteen.
19:52We've got 12.
19:55So, are you counting them at all?
19:57No. No, right. OK.
19:58Oh, I did them all.
20:01I've just realized.
20:03I've just got to definitely add more dice.
20:06I'm going to cough and blink at the same time.
20:08Great.
20:09Fourteen.
20:10Seven.
20:14Easy.
20:15Why didn't I think about this at the beginning?
20:20Oh, my bro.
20:21What kind of game?
20:26And go again.
20:27Oh, my God.
20:31I've taught her, man.
20:32Still in.
20:34Come on.
20:35Oh, God.
20:36I'm old.
20:37I didn't complete it, Alex.
20:38That's just classic me, I'm afraid.
20:40I did warn you before I came on, and you said you'll be fine,
20:41and I told you I wouldn't have to prove my stuff right.
20:44You don't have to break myself.
20:45I'm fine.
20:46I've got a phone to vomit, bro.
20:46OK, do you want to go?
20:47You can't make someone cough that many times.
20:48No, OK.
20:50I'm gonna come to vomit, bro. You can't make someone cough that many times.
20:56No, okay. You should go.
20:58I don't know why I would start working.
21:01The thing that fascinated me about you, Susie, really, is your cough.
21:05I started to think you might be AI.
21:08The great thing about you, Big Zoo, is you're a one-man argument.
21:11Should I go for five dice? No, I'm going to go for four dice.
21:14I feel like I'm going to vomit, bro.
21:16You can't make people cough that many times.
21:18Alex was silent throughout all of it.
21:20LAUGHTER
21:20Oh, right. I do, unfortunately, have to tell one of them that something bad happened.
21:28Oh, are you having fun? I am.
21:30Okay. So, let them go and do six claps.
21:35BELL RINGS
21:35So you could have told us that then, so I just stopped,
21:40but you let us go all the way to the end.
21:42Yeah. I mean, I've said it a thousand times, the guy's a prick.
21:45LAUGHTER
21:46I agree.
21:48Time to tick off part two of this treat. Be gone!
21:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:54Hello.
22:04We're partway through a task which has seen the cast coughing and clapping.
22:09Yes, and nodding and blinking and rolling dice.
22:13Two people left to go and the task is set in the confined space of the lab,
22:17which was fine for Rose, but I was slightly worried about Sam,
22:20as I'd heard he's more of a spaceman.
22:23Here's how they do it.
22:24LAUGHTER
22:24Oh, I get it. I'm going to just pick one.
22:28One? Okay.
22:29Imagine having 12, and then you have to cough 12 times, clap 12 times,
22:32nod 12 times and blink 12 times in 30 seconds.
22:36Now, one dice.
22:36Sam, how many dice have you chosen?
22:38Ten.
22:38Ten.
22:38Right.
22:40Here we go.
22:41Throw the dice.
22:46I'm an idiot.
22:48LAUGHTER
22:50APPLAUSE
22:521, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
22:591, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
23:01Now, Rose, why did you do that 12 times?
23:05Because I've...
23:06LAUGHTER
23:08As long as you do more, it's okay.
23:10OK.
23:12That's a bad start.
23:14Oh!
23:1735 is your total.
23:1927.
23:214.
23:221, 2, 3, 4.
23:231, 2, 3, 4.
23:25Cough.
23:28Did I do?
23:28Did I get...
23:29I cast a nod, didn't I?
23:32And I blinked.
23:32I'm 2, 3, 4.
23:33I'm down hot and sweaty.
23:35Mm.
23:35I think it's good you chose one dice.
23:37Oh, my God!
23:4031.
23:41Low number.
23:4349 you need to get.
23:44Oh!
23:45Shuck your number, that.
23:473.
23:481, 2, 3.
23:491, 2, 3.
23:501, 2, 3.
23:52I'm getting into the routine of it, but I'm still rubbish at it.
23:56Yes, I think you are.
23:57Yeah.
23:59Find me out.
23:59It's normal, quick.
24:00LAUGHTER
24:01OK, this should be OK.
24:13LAUGHTER
24:13Blinking.
24:16Flash.
24:20Flash.
24:21Flash.
24:23CLASH.
24:24CLASH.
24:25CLASH.
24:25CLASH.
24:26CLASH.
24:27CLASH.
24:28The cap is getting really quite small now.
24:33CLASH.
24:33CLASH.
24:34CLASH.
24:34CLASH.
24:35Just stop.
24:36CLASH.
24:37CLASH.
24:38CLASH.
24:40How did you think that went?
24:42Um...
24:42I...
24:43I need...
24:44I need a drink.
24:45Mm.
24:46I felt ashamed, actually, in some part.
24:50See you in a bit.
24:50See you, Sam.
24:51CLASH.
24:52CLASH.
24:53CLASH.
24:58How did you feel you did on that?
25:00I feel like maybe I need to go to the doctor and check my short-term memories.
25:05Yeah.
25:06You go to the doctor.
25:07But, compared to this madness, you were like a professional dice player.
25:15Oh, at what point did you regret picking that many dice, sir?
25:18Oh, mate, quite quick, actually.
25:20We did allow it.
25:21If you went over the number, it was fine, because there's no way you could do the maths on the
25:23dice quick enough.
25:24Unfortunately...
25:25CLASH.
25:26CLASH.
25:27In the first round...
25:29CLASH.
25:30Oh, no!
25:32He needed 35 of each, and he blinked 16 times and coughed 12 times.
25:38CLASH.
25:3910 times zero, unfortunately, is zero.
25:41CLASH.
25:42Oh!
25:43So, Sam scores zero, but you do get one point for coming last.
25:46Really?
25:47Yeah.
25:48One dice.
25:49Unfortunately, on the ninth time, she was meant to nod six times and only nodded four times,
25:52because she was muddled.
25:53So, you get a total of eight, and you're in fourth place.
25:57Jill, obviously, you can count to six, unfortunately, so you stopped at six, but times two, that's
26:0112.
26:02You're in third place.
26:03You got to 11, 11 throws, times four, which is 44, but Susie, with her two dice, didn't
26:10make a mistake for 27 times.
26:1227 times two at 54.
26:13Susie gets five points.
26:14Oh!
26:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:16Well done.
26:17I'd really love to see another task, please, Alex.
26:20Oh, he would, because he's keen, he's mean, he's goddamn lean.
26:23Yes, he's Greg, and like Greg, the next task really goes the distance.
26:27LAUGHTER
26:28Hello.
26:29Hello.
26:30Hello.
26:31Come in.
26:33You're very welcome to the caravan.
26:34Welcome.
26:35Oh, hello.
26:36Oh, I did it wrong.
26:37Welcome to the caravan.
26:38No, that's not right.
26:39What was this?
26:40Yeah, yeah, welcome, welcome.
26:41What did I say?
26:42I, I think you just spoke on your face.
26:43LAUGHTER
26:52Nice cup of tea.
26:53Oh, lovely.
26:54Nice, have a biscuit with some chocolate with that.
26:56Yeah, I know.
26:57Oh, are you going to give us one?
26:58Oh, I'm intrigued by that chocolate bar.
27:00Do you know what it is?
27:02It's not funny.
27:02It's a young lady who doesn't have a chocolate bar at the bar, so please.
27:06Hello.
27:07Hello.
27:08Hello.
27:09Come in.
27:10Chocolate bar. Do you know what it is?
27:12Is it a Mars bar? No. Is it a Snickers?
27:15What's that? Marathon. Oh, maybe.
27:18Does this mean that this task is going to be a marathon?
27:24Yes.
27:26Do a something-a-thon for a full 20 minutes.
27:31Most inspiring something-a-thon. Successfully accomplished wins.
27:36You have five minutes to choose your something.
27:39Your time starts now.
27:42What, this? Yeah.
27:45What's in it, though? No one knew. It's probably some beans or something.
27:50It's not up to on it. Not now.
27:53No. Um...
27:55So, what do you mean?
27:58A something-a-thon. A something-a-thon.
28:00Something inspiring for the kids.
28:05Oh, yeah.
28:09I'm thinking motivational speech.
28:12What about I learn how to speak French or something?
28:15Because I'm sure it's very inspiring for a deaf person to learn a new language.
28:19You think that's inspiring?
28:20Mm.
28:21You think you'll change people?
28:23I feel that often.
28:24How often do you inspire people?
28:27I didn't mean to.
28:28Right.
28:29It's just happen.
28:31I just sit and drink cups of tea.
28:34Have you ever done a sponsor of something before?
28:37Just walks.
28:38Can I sleep? That's not very inspiring, either.
28:40Walking and sleeping, so far?
28:41Walking and sleeping.
28:4220 minutes of me frying eggs.
28:48Maybe I could just walk around with a tyre around my neck or something.
28:53I'm writing it down.
28:54Is that a thing?
28:55No.
28:57Mm.
28:58These are really good tasks.
29:01I can see how you're the taskmaster.
29:03This is an assistant.
29:04Oh, assistant.
29:05Yeah, great.
29:06But he's not here, so...
29:09We'll just pretend it's you.
29:10Really?
29:11Yeah.
29:12It's like when I was vice-captain, when Steph Horton wasn't there,
29:14I used to tell people I was captain.
29:15You wouldn't be telling people you were the taskmaster, would you?
29:16No.
29:17No, because Dad would be very cross.
29:18Good.
29:19Let's get inspired.
29:20Well, one knows words, and the other woes nerds.
29:21That's right.
29:22It's Susie Dent and Big Zoom.
29:24I'm Susie Dent, and I am going to try a maxim-a-thon,
29:26because I'm going to do as many English maxims or sayings as I can.
29:45do in 20 minutes.
29:46So, here goes.
30:01Hello, Big Zoo.
30:03What are you going to do?
30:04I'm going to do a rap-a-thon.
30:05Full 20 minutes?
30:0620 minitos.
30:07Your time starts now.
30:09My name is Big Zoo.
30:11I'm going to show you what I do.
30:13Wait.
30:14Let's get back.
30:15Oh.
30:16Sorry, we lost it.
30:29B-I-G-Z-W-U.
30:30If you can't spell, I will spell it for you.
30:32B-I-G to the Z-W-U.
30:34I'm here to inspire the entire crew.
30:36If you're a kid sitting in school, and you're thinking,
30:39this isn't cool, don't worry.
30:41One day, you could pick up a tool, and it could be a boat builder.
30:45That could be you.
30:51Bro.
30:52Come with a different flavour.
30:54Always on track.
30:55Slip from my brain.
30:56And I don't lack.
30:57And I don't slack.
30:58We're halfway.
30:59Yo.
31:00Rappafone.
31:01Yeah.
31:02Yeah.
31:03Yeah.
31:04Yeah.
31:05Yeah.
31:06Yeah.
31:07Yeah.
31:08Yeah.
31:09Yeah.
31:10Remix.
31:11I like cake.
31:12See me on the screen, like Ian, Bill, speak for 20 minutes, nothing for man, B-I-G, I'm bigger than man.
31:27I am the sergeant, tell me what it is, if you ain't inspired, you may listen to the lyrics, I'm required, Z-W, we don't know the name, B-I-G, Z-W, I'm done.
31:39Yeah!
31:42I'm playing to type-seater, but I was fairly engaged throughout, well, tough.
31:50Fairly engaged throughout.
31:52I was... Big Sue, I'm no rapper.
31:56Should they rhyme?
31:59Depending on the time.
32:02Yeah.
32:03There were over 50 references to food in the rap.
32:07How long...
32:08You don't have to do that to me!
32:10He rapped for ages, you told me.
32:14Oh, 20 minutes.
32:15Yeah?
32:16Yeah, that's what they had to do.
32:17And it was all from the top of my mind.
32:18Freestyle.
32:19None of it was written before.
32:20No way!
32:21LAUGHTER
32:22They were both enjoyable.
32:25Yeah.
32:26Now for that which we call a rose.
32:28Yeah.
32:29Hello, Rose.
32:30Hello.
32:31What is going to be your something-a-thon?
32:33I'm going to do a music-a-thon in Swinkle, Swinkle, Liquid Star.
32:39For 20 minutes?
32:40But I'm going to play a different music instrument.
32:43Oh, go on.
32:44LAUGHTER
32:45You ready?
32:46I'm ready to be inspired.
32:48Your 20 minutes starts now.
32:50BUZZER
32:54BUZZER
32:55BUZZER
32:57BUZZER
32:59BUZZER
33:02BUZZER
33:03BUZZER
33:04BUZZER
33:06BUZZER
33:07BUZZER
33:08BUZZER
33:09BUZZER
33:1125 seconds gone.
33:13BUZZER
33:14ALL LAUGHS
33:16What's it called?
33:16It's a glockenspiel.
33:17it's the blockenspiel.
33:18There you go.
33:19BUZZER
33:20BUZZER
33:28BUZZER
33:30BUZZER
33:35BUZZER
33:38BUZZER
33:42BUZZER
33:45Wow.
34:07How I wonder what you are.
34:15I feel like one of both nopeds that surround a fire.
34:20Oh, hello.
34:22You've got 30 seconds left.
34:24There's one more intimate.
34:25This one, I love this one.
34:27What's this one called?
34:28No idea.
34:41Wow.
34:42Isn't that inspirational, isn't that?
34:45It was fairly inspirational.
34:50There was a lot going on there.
34:52What was the problem with the pipe thing?
34:53It just made me laugh.
34:55I think it's funny.
34:56It looks funny.
34:57And what the problem is was Toby, my interpreter, and Ella,
35:02they both were laughing,
35:03so they were didn't care of trying so hard,
35:06so it made me laugh.
35:07So what you're saying is your interpreter let you down on this task?
35:11Well, I almost have to send her out of the room,
35:15because she kept me from there.
35:16And then I realised I wouldn't understand what Ella was saying.
35:19So I had to teach her.
35:20She had to say she let you down on so...
35:22Yeah, get rid.
35:23Get rid.
35:23It's really best you're not here, aren't you, shall we?
35:30Oh, my God.
35:31All right, just one part to go.
35:33In it, a hugely successful professional
35:36will win and take home a slice of processed cheese.
35:39It'll be embarrassing for them, embarrassing for the show,
35:42and will make us all question if it's really that bad
35:46that humans are on their way out.
35:48We'll see you soon.
35:49APPLAUSE
36:00Hello.
36:01Welcome back to part four, part one of this two-part festive special.
36:06Before the break, the task involves trying to achieve
36:09the most inspiring-a-thon.
36:11Yes, that's right, Greg.
36:12And coincidentally, I'm wearing a thong.
36:15Finally, one won the Euros and one nearly won Eurovision,
36:18which is wonderful.
36:19But which one won which one, one wonders?
36:21It's Jill and Sam.
36:24Good.
36:26OK, you're 20 minutes left now.
36:29I came to Taskmaster and met a random man.
36:34He told me to meet him in his caravan.
36:37He offered me a chocolate bar.
36:39He said I'd feel better.
36:40Then he handed me an envelope with a crisp white letter.
36:46I said to him,
36:47Where's that guy that's tall?
36:49I've heard that he really loves football.
36:52I reckon he would have a decent right peg.
36:56He goes by the name of Mr. Greg.
36:59I went to Taskmaster and met a random man.
37:04He told us to meet him in his caravan.
37:08Welcome to my pump-a-thon.
37:11Are you ready?
37:12Are you ready?
37:13Yeah.
37:20He offered me a chocolate bar.
37:22He said I'd feel better.
37:24I went to Taskmaster and met a weird man.
37:31Two and a half minutes, Jill.
37:33He said to me, follow me into my caravan.
37:36Don't know why it's getting dirtier.
37:42We're halfway.
37:44Guess what, guys?
37:45I went to Taskmaster and met a weird man.
37:50I've got sweat in my eyeball.
37:51Let's speed it up, everybody!
38:10We're in the final minute, Jill.
38:12This is hard work.
38:19I'm gonna do it!
38:21I said to him, where's that guy that's tall?
38:25I've heard that he really loves football.
38:36I reckon he'd have a decent right peg.
38:40He goes by the name of Mr. Greg!
38:46That was 20 minutes.
38:48That was amazing.
38:5120 minutes up, Sam.
38:58Thank you. See you later.
38:59Thanks, mate. I'll see you.
39:00I'll see you.
39:09Lovely to watch.
39:10And I don't care what anyone says.
39:11I think the North East accent's well suited to poetry.
39:14Yes.
39:15So, well done is how I'd like to start my feedback.
39:19And then I'd like to continue it with this.
39:20Mm-hmm.
39:21Is everything all right?
39:22No.
39:24I'm in bits.
39:25I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but you blew up an airbed and then you humped it, right?
39:29No.
39:30No.
39:31I just...
39:32I inflated it and deflated it four times in a row.
39:35Three times.
39:36Three times?
39:37Yeah.
39:38Good.
39:39Because I've been telling all my mates I did it four times in 20 minutes.
39:41All right.
39:42I'm going to give two points to Sam Ryder and to Susie.
39:46Because I felt similarly inspired by both of them.
39:51Giving three to the multiple musical instruments.
39:55So, what is this?
39:56Is it the incredible international football skills or is it you just rapping nonsense for
40:0220 minutes?
40:03Nonsense?
40:04Yeah.
40:05No.
40:06Come on.
40:07The inspirational quotes were in there.
40:08Give me one inspirational quote and that'll make the decision for me.
40:11If you can't spell B-I-G-Z-W...
40:16...Big Zoo.
40:19Four points to Big Zoo.
40:20Five points for Jill.
40:24OK.
40:26A peek at the scores, perhaps?
40:28Of course.
40:29Well, Sam is way out in the back with eight.
40:33At the front we've got Jill on 15 and Rose on 15.
40:36Wow.
40:37All right.
40:38There we go.
40:39All to play for.
40:40OK, everyone.
40:41Just one more thing to do.
40:42Please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show!
40:46Who's going to read the task out?
40:47I think Rose is going to read the task out.
40:48Put your item in Greg's special order.
40:49Reveal the items, Greg.
40:50Whoa!
40:51Whoa!
40:52Whoa!
40:53Whoa!
40:54Whoa!
40:55Whoa!
40:56Oh!
40:57Whoa!
40:58Whoa!
40:59Whoa!
41:00Whoa!
41:01special order. Reveal the items, Greg.
41:04Whoa!
41:06Look! Whoa!
41:08Oh!
41:09After each shuffle, Dred will tell you how many items
41:13are in the correct position, but not which one.
41:16The first to get the correct order wins.
41:19Your time starts now. What about now?
41:21No, no, your time does not start now. No, that's...
41:23Oh, no, no, OK. So why did you write it down, then?
41:26What I did was I made a mistake.
41:32There's only one winner. One person's going to get five points.
41:36If two people get it on the same go, they both get five points.
41:39It is time for the first shuffle.
41:42Ten seconds, you've got... Not long.
41:47Don't have to shuffle, of course.
41:50Greg's going to go down the line and say how many you've got right.
41:53Big Sue, you have got two right.
41:58That's so annoying.
42:01Jill, you have got zero right.
42:09Rose, zero right.
42:14Sam, two right.
42:16Ooh!
42:18Susie, zero right.
42:21Second shuffle.
42:31Stop shuffling.
42:32Big Sue has got two right.
42:34Oh, for fuck's sake!
42:37One, Jill.
42:39Are you sure?
42:41Yeah, two, Jill.
42:44Two.
42:47One, Sam.
42:48Bastard, OK, yep.
42:49One, two.
42:54Two.
42:55Here we have four twos and one one.
42:57They're inching closer.
42:59Next shuffle.
43:02Gosh, we really could be here for hours.
43:06Oh.
43:07Zoo.
43:09Two.
43:10Consistent.
43:11Jill.
43:12One.
43:13One.
43:14Rose.
43:15One.
43:17Sam.
43:18Uh-oh!
43:19This is putting the cat amongst the pigeons.
43:21Three.
43:22Oh!
43:24Susie.
43:25One.
43:27Shuffle!
43:28Ah, shit!
43:29There we go.
43:30There we go.
43:31Oh, man, what that's broken.
43:36Shuffle plum is up.
43:38Some late shuffling.
43:39Some very late shuffling.
43:41Zoo.
43:42Three.
43:43Hey!
43:44Jill, one.
43:46Rose.
43:47One.
43:51Sam was on three.
43:52He's now on...
43:53Two.
43:54Oh, shit.
43:55Two.
43:56See?
43:57It's on...
43:58One.
43:59Off we go.
44:00One.
44:01One.
44:02One.
44:04How is that possible?
44:05Zero.
44:06One.
44:07Every time.
44:08Three.
44:09Oh!
44:10This is bullet.
44:11None!
44:12Ah!
44:13Ah!
44:14Ah!
44:15Ah!
44:16One!
44:17Every time.
44:18Three.
44:19Oh!
44:20This is bullet.
44:21None!
44:22Ah!
44:23It's about to fucking jump over.
44:29Come on, Sam.
44:30Just swap the...
44:31The right...
44:33Swap the two that are right, please.
44:37And...
44:38Stop shuffling.
44:39Do we have a winner?
44:40Please have a winner.
44:41One.
44:42One for zoo.
44:43Ah, wrong.
44:44One, Jill.
44:45Ah!
44:46Three, Rose.
44:47Three.
44:48Three.
44:49Three.
44:50It's on the bench.
44:51It's one.
44:52Ditto.
44:53OK.
44:54Two for Susie.
44:55And on this occasion, Sam has got...
44:57Five!
44:58Four!
44:59And the special order, of course, is the alphabetical order.
45:08Each one starts with the same letter as your own names.
45:10You're in that order, too.
45:12We're finished.
45:13Let's add those scores for final ones.
45:15Come down and join me!
45:19This has been class.
45:20Wow!
45:21What a rush that was.
45:22Oh!
45:23Great redemption for Sam.
45:25I needed that.
45:26I can't lie.
45:27You did.
45:28I can tell you, he's not in last place anymore.
45:29He's in...
45:30How?!
45:31Second last place!
45:32Second last place!
45:33Oh!
45:35Two people are drawing, though, Greg, because this is the final scoreboard.
45:39Jill and Rose are joint winners!
45:41Oh!
45:43Close as well.
45:44Very close.
45:45You know what that means.
45:46We don't leave things there.
45:48It's a tie-break!
45:49Oh!
45:51All they have to do is answer this question.
45:53What length is my pineapple?
45:56I have a tattoo of a pineapple.
45:58Where?
45:59You know that bit between your balls?
46:01No, no, no.
46:02Not personally.
46:05I'm going to give you a card each.
46:07You're going to have ten seconds to write down your answer.
46:09It's the closest number in millimetres wins.
46:11Maybe three, four, maybe four.
46:13How's that crunching?
46:15I've noticed no-one's asking me to help.
46:20They've both written down numbers.
46:25Yep.
46:26Who would you like to see first?
46:27Rose's first.
46:2940.
46:3040 millimetres or four centimetres.
46:32Correct.
46:33Jill?
46:3450 millimetres or five centimetres.
46:37And now, for the most anticlimactic moment of all time.
46:43LAUGHTER
46:44It is...
46:4582!
46:46It's 82!
46:47Oh!
46:48It's 82!
46:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:51Jill Scott wins!
46:52The first of our New Year's treats.
46:54Please wander up to whack your wonderful winning!
46:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:58And Taskmaster's New Year treat will conclude tomorrow at nine
47:10with more creative chaos and tasks that redefine logic.
47:13To an artist that redefined identity itself,
47:16buoy the final act, a journey through all his realms.
47:19Straight after that at ten, queue a few days of listening
47:21to his entire back catalogue.
47:23Up next, sussing out the Christmas telly,
47:25the Gogglebox Festive Special.
47:27APPLAUSE
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