Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season 8 Episode 08- Renewal
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00:00On a personal note, as many of you know, Kevin and I have recently reconciled.
00:04Noice! Somebody's getting some.
00:06It's true, I am.
00:06Now, when we originally wed, we didn't know how long gay marriage would be legal,
00:10so we had a somewhat rushed ceremony.
00:12Do you, Kevin?
00:13Yes.
00:13And do you?
00:14Yes, yes, we do.
00:15We're married.
00:16Kevin has always regretted it, so we're having a vow renewal ceremony.
00:20This time, we're pulling out all the stops.
00:22It will be a truly extravagant affair.
00:24Oh, how extravagant are we talking? Champagne pyramid?
00:27Destination wedding?
00:28Celebrity officiant?
00:29We got the salad forks.
00:31Can you believe it? A second fork?
00:32Who do we think we are?
00:35Oh, no. You're shocked at how garish it is.
00:38Now I don't even want to tell you the other surprise I have in store for Kevin.
00:41Wait, let me guess. You're getting bread plates?
00:42Don't be absurd. We're not crazy.
00:44No, the big surprise is I'm retiring from the NYPD.
00:50Wait, what?
00:52Why did you lead with the salad forks?
00:59You're leaving the NYPD?
01:16My preoccupation with my job has been a point of contention with Kevin for some time now.
01:20I want to show him that our relationship comes first.
01:22But, sir, it's too soon for you to retire.
01:24We didn't even get to do one final cool case together.
01:27The last thing we worked was finding that kid's missing mitten.
01:29I thought that was rewarding and poignant.
01:31It was boring as crap!
01:32What were you hoping for otherwise?
01:33I'm so glad you asked.
01:34We hunt down a serial killer, stare death in the face, and then, in the final battle,
01:38you save my life, and I say to you,
01:39how can I ever repay you?
01:41And you say,
01:42you already have.
01:43Then you jump on your motorcycle, drive off, never to be seen again.
01:46I don't have a motorcycle, but Kevin and I did just purchase recumbent bicycles.
01:51F*** you, Captain Holt.
01:52Anyway, I already have a cool final case that I'm working on.
01:55The police reform proposal that Santiago and I have been toiling over for these past six months.
02:00Oh, my God, I didn't even think about it, Amy. She's going to be devastated.
02:02Which is why I made sure she wasn't here when I told you.
02:05I need Santiago laser-focused on this proposal.
02:08We can tell her after we turn the report in.
02:09Hopefully, you can keep the news to yourself for now.
02:11Sir, she's my wife. I can't lie to her.
02:13What about that time you spent $1,000 on a Patrick Ewing top shot?
02:17That wasn't a lie. I just didn't tell her.
02:19But she's going to be happy about it because that top shot is currently worth...
02:23Oh, no.
02:24I will keep your secret for $992.
02:27Deal.
02:27Great! Let's lie to my wife!
02:30Ah, hello. Thank you for coming early to help out.
02:34There's a lot to do since we decided to go so over the top.
02:37I mean, look at the napkins.
02:38We're going with a pretty whimsical fold.
02:42Lengthwise.
02:42That is funny.
02:44The intent was whimsy, not humor.
02:47Now you have me doubting everything. Where's Raymond?
02:48You know what? I'll go find him. I got something I want to ask him anyway.
02:54There you are. Why are you hiding?
02:55Oh, I was just looking at pornography. I felt an urgent need to watch some men taking a bath.
03:00What?
03:01Okay, fine. You called me. I was checking my email.
03:04And that's worse than watching porn?
03:05Much worse. Kevin can't know I'm working on our special day, but I just received an email from my contact at One Police Plaza about our reform proposal.
03:13Ah, yeah. Speaking of that, now that the report is done, can you please tell Amy you're retiring?
03:17I don't like lying to her.
03:18So then you told her about the top shot?
03:20I didn't need to because I traded it for an investment in The Rock's new cryptocurrency, which is currently worth...
03:25Oh, no! What happened to RockCoin?
03:27We can't tell her. Things aren't settled.
03:29The Brass is having a closed-door meeting today about our reform proposal,
03:33but apparently the union is going to claim that we fudged our numbers.
03:36That's crazy. Amy would never fudge numbers. She loves numbers.
03:39Sometimes they think she loves them more than me.
03:41Stupid numbers. Think they're so great. I'd love to see numbers give you a baby.
03:45I'm going to check those Comstat numbers right now.
03:47I'm just going to click on this video link entitled,
03:49Handyman Fixes Squeaky Door F*** Customer.
03:52Oh, my God.
03:53What? This isn't correct. Somebody changed these since last night.
03:56Wait. I bet O'Sullivan hacked into the system.
04:00Do you know what this means?
04:01They're trying to kill police reform.
04:02Final case. Yep. Two equally important sets of stakes.
04:05He claims you messed with the numbers? That son of a bitch.
04:08I would never fabricate numbers. I love numbers.
04:11Numbers can't be a father to your child, Amy.
04:13So what are we going to do?
04:14I have a plan.
04:15We can prove that O'Sullivan changed the Comstat numbers if we find this.
04:20What is that, bed?
04:21No, that's a cheese grater.
04:22It's his computer.
04:22Obviously, I should have had Terry do the drawings.
04:24Fortunately, I know how to find his personal computer thanks to his YouTube rants about the NHL.
04:28This is Islander's talk, and today's topic, can hockey have female fans?
04:33Yeah, he's not a good person.
04:34Anyway, those videos are taken in the man cave in O'Sullivan's basement, so that's got to be where his laptop is.
04:39Holt and I will be infiltrating his house and retrieving it.
04:42How are you going to get past him?
04:42He won't be home. We're going to lure him out using his one weakness.
04:45Rare Billy Joel memorabilia sale.
04:47Oh, that's nice there.
04:49Oh.
04:50O'Sullivan will meet with an ex-roady named Geronimo Rodriguez, who will actually be an undercover Terry Jeffords, our resident Billy Joel superfan.
04:57It was one time. You caught me lip-seeking Uptown Girl one time.
05:00No, he's your favorite singer. Everybody knows it.
05:02And you're the only one O'Sullivan hasn't interacted with.
05:05If he stumps you, Santiago will be nearby feeding you Billy Joel facts into your ear.
05:09You guys need to keep him busy, and then use a piece of fake memorabilia to get a fingerprint we can use to unlock his laptop.
05:14What am I doing?
05:14You, Charles, and Scully will be here distracting Kevin and making sure he doesn't know Holt's working.
05:18And who will be on cheddar duty?
05:19I mean, can't we just distract him with a bone?
05:22Bone? Bone? Bone?
05:26Cheddar's not some street rat. This is never going to work.
05:29Yes, it will. Just give me 90 minutes, and I promise I will get you back in time for your vows.
05:33Fine, but if there are any complications, I pull the plug. This ceremony is too important. Kevin cannot find out what we're up to.
05:40He won't. I promise.
05:42Raymond?
05:43What are you all doing in here?
05:44Um, Peralta's watching porn.
05:46What?
05:47Peralta's watching a handyman repair a squeaky door, and then f*** his customer.
05:52Is that true, Jake?
05:57Yes.
06:00I wish I could say I was surprised.
06:04Told you it was a great cover.
06:05Not for me!
06:08Okay, if we want to get past O'Sullivan's ma, we need undercover personas.
06:12I'm thinking you will be Maxwell Maxwell, international playboy and black ops specialist.
06:16He's had affairs on every continent, but his true mistress is danger.
06:20I thought you learned your lesson about turning police work into movies.
06:23Yeah, I did, but this is a movie about reform.
06:25Isn't that a movie you'd want to see?
06:26The only movie I want to see is called The World of Mosses.
06:28It's a documentary about the world of mosses.
06:31It sounds bad.
06:32Now, we will go in dressed as gas company employees named Mitch and Henry.
06:35At least tell me I'm Henry.
06:37Hello, ma'am.
06:38We're from the gas company.
06:39My name is...
06:42Mitch.
06:43Okay, this is how we'll get O'Sullivan's print.
06:46Fast-drying dental resin.
06:48O'Sullivan touches this, leaves an imprint, and we have a mold,
06:51which we use to make a fake finger that will fool 99% of biometric scanners.
06:55Pretty sweet, right?
06:56I gotta say, I thought Holt retiring would crush your mood, but it hasn't.
07:00Wait, Holt's retiring?
07:04You knew that.
07:05He said he would tell you when you handed in your reform proposal,
07:07and you handed it in, and he told you.
07:10No, he didn't.
07:11Okay, well then, I just told you.
07:14But you're still taking it well.
07:17Amy?
07:19Amy!
07:21O'Sullivan just texted.
07:22He'll be here in three.
07:23You gotta hide!
07:26Um...
07:26I'm just gonna pick you up and carry you like furniture, okay?
07:30Look alive.
07:35Kevin's under six.
07:36You know where Raymond is?
07:37Yes, I do.
07:38He's, um...
07:39Come on, Scully, he's thinking something.
07:41Think of something.
07:42What does that mean?
07:45Cheddar did it.
07:45Cheddar!
07:46I know you wanted us to go with the other vase.
07:48I have a different aesthetic sense than you, and it's my day.
07:50Sorry if I had to witness that, I will get a broom.
07:53Scully, tail him.
07:55Well, that should keep him busy for a bit.
07:56That was smart, but I don't think we should mess with Cheddar too much.
07:59Why not? He's an animal.
08:00Animals can be very vengeful, resident.
08:02Is this about Lieutenant?
08:03Of course it's about Lieutenant Peanutbutter!
08:04Yeah.
08:04So here's the shutoff to the main line.
08:07Thank you very much, ma'am.
08:08Okay, to get into the basement, we're gonna have to distract her, so here's what I'm thinking.
08:13Maxwell, Maxwell turns on the charm.
08:15Unbutton your jumper and say,
08:17The thing about gas lines is the pressure builds and builds, and it just needs a little release.
08:24Ooh!
08:25You don't have to make that sound, but if I were you, I definitely would.
08:28No one will be talking about release or making the sound of a rodent in labor.
08:31It was a sensuous moan, but fair enough.
08:32We just have to get the laptop so I can get back to Kevin.
08:35You will simply approach her and say,
08:37Ma'am, I need to check your water heater in the basement to make sure there's no leaks or blockages to the gas line.
08:41You should maybe come back later when my son is home. He's better at this stuff.
08:45Oh, it's just a quick check.
08:46The answer is no.
08:47Sorry about him. He's a little abrasive. The name's Maxwell. Maxwell.
08:55Carol.
08:56You see, the thing about gas lines is the pressure just builds and builds.
09:01Sometimes it just needs a little release.
09:07Mm-hmm.
09:08Mm-hmm.
09:10Well, we wouldn't want that. You can go down to the basement now.
09:14Yeah, sounds good. Have fun, you two.
09:15Baby, look alive. He's here.
09:18You're the guy selling the memorabilia?
09:19Oh, yeah.
09:20Where'd you get this stuff?
09:21I used to haul amps for them.
09:22Yeah? Which tours?
09:24The, uh, you know...
09:25Oh, Terry.
09:26I'm not ready to say goodbye.
09:28I'm not ready to say goodbye tour.
09:30I've never heard of that one.
09:31You haven't?
09:32Well, that's weird.
09:32Maybe you just weren't paying attention.
09:35Sorry.
09:36I'm on Billy Joel's wiki now.
09:37I've done other tours, too.
09:39Like, uh...
09:39Innocent Man and the Bridge.
09:41Innocent Man and the Bridge.
09:42Okay.
09:43What's in the box?
09:44An early draft of the lyrics to We Didn't Start the Fire.
09:49Eisenhower, vaccine, side salad, mixed greens.
09:53My dad's desk.
09:54Well, I guess while he was writing a song,
09:56he must have accidentally included his lunch order.
09:59Anyway, that's 10K.
10:01Oh, that's the sticky stuff.
10:03Yes.
10:03I grabbed it out of the trash in his dressing room.
10:05It must be gum.
10:06Look, I'm so sorry.
10:08Just let me have that.
10:09Ah, not so fast.
10:11This has been in William Martin Joel's mouth.
10:14His tongue touched this.
10:16Wait, what's happening?
10:18What's this now?
10:19That is $10,000.
10:20And I'll keep it a go.
10:21No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
10:24A grown adult with a man cave.
10:26This is so embarrassing.
10:27Oh, my God.
10:28He has root beer on tap.
10:29Okay, everything is all, what am I looking at?
10:40Your friend here was very clumsy and he spilled on himself.
10:44Well, we got everything we needed,
10:46but I can wait if Maxwell needs a little more time to dry off.
10:49No, no, no, I'm all dry now.
10:51We can leave.
10:52Oh, wait, let me give you my number.
10:54I only have the landline,
10:55so if my son Frankie answers hang up,
10:58he gets a little jealous.
10:59Not to worry, Ms. O'Sullivan.
11:00Maxwell Maxwell is nothing if not discreet.
11:03Not discreet enough.
11:05Okay, look, I don't know what kind of freaky stuff you guys are into,
11:08but I want no part of it.
11:11Let's just try to stay calm.
11:13I think you're making a big mistake here.
11:15No, I'm not.
11:16He called me Ms. O'Sullivan.
11:17That was my name three marriages ago.
11:19I'm Carol Shaughnessy now.
11:21If he's calling me Ms. O'Sullivan,
11:23it's because he knows who my son is
11:25and you're up to something.
11:27Carol, baby.
11:28Don't baby me.
11:30Get down in the basement.
11:31Well, I always like going down.
11:32I said move.
11:33I'm calling my son.
11:34I feel like she considered him.
11:37We're locked in.
11:38If she gets in touch with O'Sullivan, it's over.
11:40Wait.
11:40She said she doesn't have a cell phone.
11:42That means if we can tie up her landline,
11:43she can't call anyone.
11:44Hey!
11:48What did you do with the phone?
11:50Smart, but we're still trapped down here.
11:52Does that smile mean you know a way out?
11:55Oh, no.
11:55I was just thinking about how you were about to hook up with that old lady.
11:59But no, yeah, we're totally screwed.
12:02That's odd.
12:03He only barks like that when he's worried about Raymond.
12:05Oh, Cheddar's not worried about Holt.
12:06I saw him eat a shrimp off a platter earlier.
12:08I bet he just wants more.
12:09Hmm.
12:10Cheddar doesn't usually indulge in shrimp.
12:11He considers it bougie.
12:12Speaking of indulging,
12:13the great boutonniere should have arrived by now.
12:15Hmm.
12:16Oh, Lord.
12:17See?
12:18Cheddar almost blew our cover.
12:20I told you not to mess with him.
12:21Charles, he smelled food and he wanted to eat it.
12:23He's a dog, not a supervillain.
12:25I don't know.
12:25He's really staring you down right now.
12:27Oh, yeah?
12:27Yeah.
12:27Watch this.
12:39Sucker.
12:40Wait!
12:40Wait, I want that back.
12:42I was only selling the lyrics.
12:43If I knew about the gum, I would have charged you more.
12:46Ah, bunch of bunk.
12:47You said a price.
12:48I hit the bid.
12:49End of story.
12:50Terry, if we don't get that fingerprint,
12:52we won't be able to open his laptop
12:53and they'll kill our reform program.
12:55Please!
12:56I really need that gum.
12:57You can beg all you want.
12:59A deal is a deal.
13:00Oh, God.
13:01It's all falling apart.
13:02Look, you don't understand how special this is,
13:05so you don't deserve to have that.
13:06I mean, Jake is only the most immature man that he is because of Hulk,
13:10so he'll backlight and then our miracle will fall apart and our son will grow up in a broken home.
13:14Oh, my God, enough!
13:16You need to move on!
13:18Are you talking to me?
13:19Yeah, I'm talking to you.
13:21You need to move on.
13:23From Billy Joel?
13:24It's not healthy to have your entire identity wrapped up in another person.
13:29I know, but...
13:30Raymond Joel taught me everything.
13:32Look what it's doing to you.
13:34Just look at yourself right now.
13:36I guess I am kind of messing up this mission.
13:38Seriously.
13:39Could use the money for the bank so they don't take my ma's house.
13:42Thank you, Terry.
13:44Geronimo Rodriguez.
13:47All right, look.
13:48All's not lost.
13:48I have the laptop.
13:49We just need to get in touch with someone from the 99 so they can get us out of here.
13:52Give me your phone.
13:53I left it back at the venue so Kevin couldn't track it and know I was gone.
13:56Use yours.
13:56Mine's dead.
13:57I used up all the battery mining for Mets coin.
13:59It's the first cryptocurrency that is also the Mets.
14:01I don't know what I'm doing in this space.
14:03Use the landline.
14:04Call Santiago.
14:04Great idea.
14:05Okay.
14:07Just one problem.
14:09I don't know her number.
14:10How could you not know your own wife's phone number?
14:12It's saved in my phone!
14:13Stupid smart phones making me so dumb by giving me the world's knowledge at my fingertips.
14:17Well, I don't know anyone's phone number either.
14:19Except for Kevin's, and obviously we can't call him.
14:21How do you not know a single phone number?
14:22I've literally watched you memorize the entire terms and conditions agreement for a credit card.
14:26True.
14:26But to make room for important information like that, I regularly purge my brain of useless facts like phone numbers or the names of people's children.
14:33But you know the name of my son, right?
14:37The little guy has his mother's eyes.
14:39Yeah.
14:39Rough night with the little guy?
14:40Oh.
14:43Hello there, the little guy.
14:44How did I never see that?
14:46Am I a bad detective?
14:47We don't have time to go into that.
14:48It would have been much faster to just say, no, you're great.
14:51What are we gonna do?
14:52All right, look, there's one number I still have memorized that could help.
14:54My middle school friend, Mikey J's old landline.
14:56Do you have any reason to believe that Mikey J still resides there?
14:58Well, we were in a scout man together in high school, so I'm thinking the odds are good.
15:03Okay, here's your resin.
15:04Do your magic.
15:05You're not gonna scold me for almost ruining the mission?
15:08No, Amy, I get it.
15:09But look, you don't need Holt to succeed.
15:11You are the most capable person I know.
15:14Thanks, Terry.
15:15Let's get this mold to Jake and Holt.
15:17What are you doing?
15:18I thought you could carry me again.
15:20It was very comforting.
15:21Okay.
15:23Thank you, Terry.
15:24I love you.
15:25Have you seen Cheddar?
15:26The officiant is wondering how he'd like to be introduced.
15:28Um, nope.
15:30I haven't seen him.
15:31Cheddar.
15:31I have a bad feeling about this.
15:33Cheddar is up to something.
15:35Come on.
15:38Oh, no.
15:39Cheddar.
15:40Oh, hi, Kevin.
15:41We found Cheddar.
15:42Oh, my God.
15:44Raymond is on a case.
15:46You sick son of a bitch.
15:55Come on, Mrs. Joseph.
15:56I was at your house all the time.
15:57Remember?
15:58You caught us wearing your bras so we could practice unclasping them?
16:00Hello?
16:01Hello.
16:03What?
16:04You have no idea what it's like taking bras off.
16:06You had it so easy growing up gay.
16:07The ceremony's about to start, and O'Sullivan's about to come home and catch us.
16:11It seems the reform proposal is as dead as my marriage.
16:14I'm sorry.
16:14It's all my fault.
16:15I was so desperate for us to have one last cool case together that I forced you into this.
16:19No, Jake.
16:20The truth is, I enjoyed it.
16:24I had fun being Maxwell Maxwell.
16:27Yes.
16:27I knew it was a good idea.
16:29I hate myself for it.
16:30Damn it.
16:30I interjected too soon.
16:31It makes me scared that I'm not ready to retire, no matter how much I want to, for Kevin's sake.
16:37I mean, clearly, there's a part of me that still wants to work cases.
16:43What if I'm making the wrong choice?
16:44It's completely understandable that you would feel that way.
16:46You've devoted your whole life to this.
16:48It's who you are.
16:49But you're also Kevin's husband.
16:51What would you do?
16:52I'm not sure.
16:54But I know that when things are hard, I talk them through with Amy.
17:00And just being with her, looking into her eyes, everything that seemed so complicated becomes simple.
17:07And then I just know.
17:10What's that?
17:13It's O'Sullivan.
17:14He's coming home.
17:15NYPD, step away from the door.
17:17Wait, their voice?
17:20Neighbors reported seeing two men enter from an unmarked van, then heard yelling.
17:25Uh, there's been a misunderstanding, officer.
17:28You are under arrest, punk.
17:29You Jags are so screwed.
17:32I love your hat.
17:35Kevin, I'm sorry.
17:36I will never forgive myself for working today.
17:38I want you to know that this will be my last assignment for the NYPD.
17:42I'm retiring.
17:43Well, that seems like an extreme reaction.
17:45No, I want this.
17:46For us.
17:47That's not for us.
17:49I never wanted you to give up your career.
17:51Putting our relationship first doesn't mean you can't have anything else in your life.
17:54It just means prioritizing me over stupid little stuff.
17:57Like returning lost mittens to dumb kids.
17:59No, that actually sounds quite rewarding.
18:01Really?
18:01This reform program is not a little thing.
18:04It could fundamentally change the police.
18:06I just wish you had told me how I could have helped from the start.
18:09I'm so sorry.
18:11Apology accepted.
18:13Now, let's get that laptop to one police plaza.
18:16No.
18:18There's something I need to do first.
18:20We're gathered here to affirm the marriage of Raymond Holt and Kevin Costner.
18:24We don't have to do this.
18:26Everyone who's not family has already gone home and we need to hurry.
18:28No, this is important.
18:31Kevin Costner.
18:33When we first got married, I thought of it primarily as a legal contract, which is why I memorized the entire federal tax code 301.7701-18 definitions pertaining to marriage.
18:42And yet he can't remember Mac's name.
18:44But I finally learned what marriage really is.
18:48It's not something you can memorize or an equation you can solve for.
18:52It's the feeling you get when you look in your partner's eyes.
18:55And that feeling is all that matters.
19:00Which is why I will now purge tax code 301.7701-18 from my memory so that I will have room to remember this moment forever.
19:10Forever.
19:18It's done.
19:19Over.
19:20Raymond Holt, do you promise to continue to live in this marriage for richer, poorer, through sickness and in health as long as you two both shall live?
19:29I do.
19:29And Kevin Costner.
19:30Yes, yes, we're still married.
19:31We really have to go.
19:32I've just come back from one police plaza and I have some good news.
19:41The union voted and O'Sullivan's out?
19:43No, he was re-elected for life, which I didn't think was technically possible.
19:46But the good news is the commissioner has approved our police reform program and will be implementing it citywide.
19:51Citywide?
19:52Wow.
19:53That's amazing.
19:54Yes, I know.
19:55It is exciting.
19:56But there's no guarantee that it'll work.
19:59There's a lot of resistance to change.
20:01Nevertheless, it's our duty to try.
20:03Because if we don't, then we are truly lost.
20:08Which is why I will not be retiring.
20:10I have been appointed deputy commissioner of police reform.
20:13Wow.
20:14Congratulations, sir.
20:16And since I don't want work to consume my life, and this is a big job, so I will need some help.
20:20Which is why I'd like to bring you along, Santiago, with a well-deserved promotion to chief, if you're interested.
20:27Wait, what?
20:28I'm going to be a chief?
20:30Terry, you might want to step aside, because there's a dork dancer coming.
20:32Oh, yes!
20:35Oh, no, thank you.
20:36We share a marital bed.
20:41He's down.
20:42Good.
20:43So, what do you think about this new job?
20:46I think you gotta take it.
20:47I mean, first of all, it's a huge promotion, so cha-ching.
20:50But more importantly, it's the culmination of all your hard work and a chance to make a real impact.
20:56And also, cha-ching.
20:58What's with all the cha-chings?
21:00Oh, no, you bought something dumb.
21:02No, I invested in something dumb.
21:05It's an NFT of Michelangelo from the Ninja Turtles eating pizza.
21:08But not to worry, because it is currently worth...
21:10Oh, no, what happened to Turtle Bucks?
21:12Jake, I'm serious.
21:14I don't know if I can do this job and still be an equal parent.
21:17I mean, who's going to pick up Mac on the odd days?
21:20And who's going to bathe him on the even days?
21:22And who's going to do the cooking?
21:23And who's going to figure out...
21:24Ace, we'll figure all that stuff out.
21:26How can you be so sure?
21:29I just know.
21:32From you long.
21:36Not a doctor.
21:37Shh.
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