Tales from the Pub (2019) Season 1 Episode 1

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Transcript

00:00Yes, baby, the old Hooch.

00:03I bet he's all minded time when you've slipped your first one.

00:06I know, I certainly do.

00:11Well, this guy minds his first drink more than anybody.

00:14One is no liable to forget.

00:17Here's the tale of the jump.

00:21Tadji was your average 16-year-old.

00:31He spat.

00:33He swore.

00:34Arsehole.

00:35And he answered back.

00:37No, I don't.

00:38Despite these things, he was sick of being treated like a child.

00:41He wanted nothing more than to get a bottle of booze and get steaming.

00:45But no one was giving him a jump in.

00:48And his pal Gimpy Gary wasn't hopeful either.

00:51I'm not hopeful, Tadji.

00:52Why is he called Gimpy Gary, you ask?

00:55Britain's Got Talent's about to start.

00:57And my mum said she'd make us some eggy bread.

00:59Didn't he be a wee fanny?

01:01Right, I'm getting steamed in the night and so are you.

01:04What about this lad?

01:18You're mate?

01:25Tadji reckoned the guy was a bit off his rocker.

01:29So he thought he'd chance it but acting heavy, hadn't we?

01:33I just paid for the dentist and voted in an election.

01:37Any chance of a jump in?

01:38A young boy like yourself should be at home drinking lemonade on a lovely day like this.

01:43Or does my eye deceive me?

01:51No, no, I'm old enough honestly.

01:53It's just I can't go in because my exe's dad's working today.

01:56Old enough, are you?

01:59Maybe just leave it, Tadji.

02:01Shut the goddy!

02:02If you'd like to lace my palm with silver, I shall be most delighted to purchase a little libation on your behalf.

02:11But only, of course, if you're old enough.

02:15Oh.

02:19Good.

02:20Tadji and Gary went to the only place that...

02:24Oh hang on.

02:25I think I left my flump in there.

02:27See ya.

02:32Tadji and Gary went to the only place that dog shites and underage drinkers can live peacefully.

02:38The park.

02:50The park.

02:55Hello, ma'am.

02:57It didnae ring.

02:58It did.

02:59It didnae.

03:00What's that?

03:02Granddad has had a fall and I need to come home immediately.

03:06Sorry, Tadji.

03:07My granddad has had a fall and I need to go home immediately.

03:11I'll catch you later.

03:13No, no.

03:14Gary!

03:20Tadji loved the taste.

03:22It wasn't even the alcohol.

03:23It was the danger.

03:25The getting away with it.

03:30He felt older already.

03:34But in the morning, Tadji's ma was woken up by the sound of a blood-cuddling scream.

03:42Hey!

03:43What?

03:44What is that?

03:46I've got to be.

03:47What is going on in here?

03:50Hey, do you want?

03:51No.

03:52No.

03:53No.

03:54No.

03:55No.

03:56No.

03:57No.

03:58No.

03:59No.

04:00No.

04:01No.

04:02Help me, ma!

04:03No!

04:04No!

04:05No!

04:06No!

04:07No!

04:08No!

04:09No!

04:10No!

04:11No!

04:12No!

04:13No!

04:14Tadji was an old man.

04:16All he could do was scream.

04:22And then scream again.

04:27But then he realised it had to boost.

04:34He ran immediately over to Gympie Gary's house.

04:37He'd believe him.

04:38Surely.

04:46No!

04:47No!

04:48No!

04:49No!

04:50No!

04:51No!

04:52No!

04:53No!

04:54No!

04:55No!

04:56No!

04:57No!

04:58No!

04:59No!

05:00No!

05:01No!

05:02No!

05:03No!

05:04No!

05:05No!

05:06No!

05:07No!

05:08No!

05:09No!

05:10No!

05:11No!

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05:15No!

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05:18No!

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05:20No!

05:21No!

05:22No!

05:23No!

05:24No!

05:25No!

05:26So aye, that was Tadji.

05:28All for one wee sip with a D&D.

05:32So that's your lesson, folks. Don't grow up too fast.

05:44So what'll it be, Itachi?

05:48I'll just have a wee illuminated.

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