Gogglebox - Season 26 Episode 01
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00:00Oh, don't pull it. No, I'll put it off. Oh, thank you.
00:06Just be careful. What? Don't cut me top. Oh, I won't cut your top. No, I don't.
00:12Oh.
00:15Hurry up. Oh, you want that? I missed it. That's you pulling it. Oh, I told you not to do it.
00:20You don't frigging listen to a word I say.
00:28Yes!
00:28Ooh, happy days. Oh, Daniella, I like this. He's gone and done and did it.
00:33I don't trust him because he's teetotal. Oh, no, no.
00:36Quick, take that in there. Convoluted that.
00:39Oh, no, no. What a waste of a muffin.
00:42What's that? Unacceptable.
00:45Yeah!
00:46What the hell? Is that it?
00:50It's not much evidence of man boob, is Sir Mary?
00:52Oh, I hate Swiss roll. Oh, no.
00:54Oh, he's a baddie.
00:57He hates his a baddie. Oh, man, he's got one in and one out.
01:02Oh!
01:02Was that good for you as it was for me?
01:05In the week Donald Trump confirmed he wasn't dead, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:12Yeah, it's a lovely place. Yeah.
01:16Not the warmest, but lovely. Yeah.
01:18I don't have any flirting skills.
01:21Do you know what? When me and Toby first met, I remember saying to my friends, like,
01:25oh, my God, I don't like this, I don't like that, and they were like, is he? He's just trying to flirt with you.
01:30Why? What were he doing?
01:32I just thought I thought he were cocky.
01:35Oh, I thought Toby were cocky when I first met him. Were he trying to flirt with me, too?
01:39Paul had his beady eyes on the bakers on Channel 4.
01:46They risked serving Paul and Prue a Swiss roll without its signature swell.
01:50That would give me the heebie-jeebies with him standing at the end of my desk, wouldn't it, you?
01:55If he's standing at the end of my bed, I'd be really creeped out.
01:57I wouldn't mind that so much.
01:58And it was a new term in our favourite Yorkshire school.
02:07I mean, they're allowed to wear trousers now. We couldn't wear trousers at school.
02:11You never used to wear a skirt. You used to roll it up to your crotch.
02:14Yeah, I did when I was coming home off the bus because I liked the lad at the garage.
02:25In Surrey...
02:26Shane, you've got the vote here.
02:28Who's oxtail do you love the most in this house?
02:31I have to give it to Dad.
02:32Oh!
02:33I do have to give it to Dad.
02:34It's got the nice brown colour and it's just...
02:38Ooh!
02:39And the pressure cooker...
02:40Ooh!
02:41Let's stop there, Shay. Let's stop there.
02:42Meet Sarah, her husband, Andre, and their daughter, Shay.
02:47One thing I will give to you, Mum.
02:49What's that?
02:49Mum's curry goat is better than yours, Pops.
02:51I'm so sorry, Jay.
02:52No.
02:53That curry mutton!
02:54Ooh!
02:55Never, never, never, never.
02:56I'm so sorry I've got to give that one to Mum.
02:58Never, Shay.
02:58I ain't cooking ever.
02:59You see, next time I cook...
03:00Yours is too Vinci-style!
03:01We need a punch!
03:02Next time, next time I'm cooking, you can have chicken Kiev.
03:05LAUGHTER
03:06On Tuesday night, there was a new batch of bakers hoping to rise to the occasion on Channel 4.
03:17Voila!
03:17It's a bit posh, that, innit?
03:20Baker.
03:21I like watching this cos I cannot bake or cook really at all.
03:25I wouldn't say that.
03:26Your toast's pretty good.
03:27LAUGHTER
03:28Oh, the lady next door gave me some apple pie yesterday.
03:32It was bloody lovely.
03:33Oh, absolutely.
03:36She even asked if I wanted custard.
03:38And I thought, I can't be so cheeky.
03:39Do you know why?
03:40Do you know why?
03:40Why?
03:41She thinks you're old.
03:42It's like Meals on Wheels.
03:43Yeah, well, I don't mind.
03:44Bring it on.
03:49I told her what I want for me breakfast.
03:52LAUGHTER
03:52Is it I've moved on from Paul Hollywood now?
03:56It's Andy's Dinosaurs.
03:58Yeah.
03:58Andy Day from CBeebies fame.
04:01So, for your first ever challenge...
04:04We all like a challenge.
04:05Yeah.
04:06..the judges would like you to make a Swiss roll.
04:09Oh!
04:10Yeah.
04:11That's a good one.
04:12I used to do Swiss roll at school.
04:13Do you want a tissue?
04:14God!
04:15You're dribbling out your chin.
04:16That's what I used to do at school, Swiss roll.
04:19Your Swiss roll must be beautifully decorated.
04:22And your sponge must have an inlay design.
04:25An inlay design?
04:26What the hell's that?
04:27Well, I don't know, I would you shove that in a Swiss roll, innit?
04:31And be rolled with at least two different fillings.
04:34Two different fillings?
04:36Creating the perfect swirl.
04:38Oh!
04:39I get it.
04:40Yeah, I see.
04:41Oh, I hate Swiss roll.
04:42Oh, no!
04:43I don't think that's that difficult, is it?
04:45Right.
04:46On your marks.
04:47Get set.
04:48Bake.
04:49Let's go.
04:50Slightly overwhelmed.
04:52How can you get overwhelmed over a Swiss roll?
04:55Very nervous.
04:56Still quite shaky, to be honest.
04:58Well, I suppose that'll help you sift in the flour.
05:02Oh!
05:04Good start from Hassan.
05:05He's broken the stiff.
05:07I'll be saying, defective tools already.
05:10His decadent bake will see him roll chocolate sponge around thick caramel on a milk chocolate
05:15and coffee ganache.
05:16OK.
05:16All right, Hassan.
05:17Sounds like a bit of me.
05:18Coffee and caramel, really?
05:20It's a lot.
05:21Now, would you pull your ganache out on weight one?
05:23Well, yeah.
05:25But in the showstopper, that'll really take Paul's breath away.
05:29Yeah.
05:29All that almond.
05:30A battered ganache.
05:32It's crucial every curd, jam and ganache is cool before the bakers begin assembling.
05:38Yeah, otherwise it's just going to be a hot sloppy mess, isn't it?
05:40My caramel, see, it's not quite bad.
05:44I'll have to do it again.
05:45Oh!
05:46No, Hassan.
05:47That is not looking good for you, brother.
05:49My gravy looks like that.
05:52Never turn your back on caramel.
05:54No.
05:54Always stir.
05:56The rest of the bakers are starting to assemble.
05:58Assembling it already?
05:59What?
06:00Oh!
06:00Come on!
06:01And Hassan's still making his caramel.
06:02The caramel's still quite soft.
06:04Uh-oh.
06:04I mean, it looks good, but it's going to be a horrible mess.
06:07Oh, you can't roll liquid.
06:09Oh, I've got to roll it up.
06:12Ah, this is going to go everywhere.
06:14Oh, it's all coming out the sides.
06:16Oh, it's a swimming pool, Hassan.
06:20It's a swimming pool of caramel.
06:23Oh, it's got no stability.
06:25Oh, man, I'm handling it.
06:28Oh, come on.
06:30Oh, no, I'll still eat it, though.
06:32I'll still eat it.
06:33I've had a mer.
06:34I've had a right mer.
06:36Oh, no, no, man.
06:39Oh, my God.
06:40I mean, he didn't even try and, like, move it with a palette knife or something.
06:43He literally just picked it up with his fists.
06:46Bakers, your time is up.
06:53Oh, look, he knows he's done it wrong.
06:56If I was past that right now, I'd just walk out.
06:58I'd just be like...
06:59Aw.
06:59I'd be like, thank you for the opportunity.
07:01Please step away from your Swiss rolls.
07:04Step well back, Hassan.
07:05What is that?
07:15That's not even...
07:16Sir Hassan.
07:18Not your best morning.
07:19No.
07:19Yeah, quite disappointed in myself.
07:21It looks like a roulade rather than a Swiss roll.
07:23Oh, Paul's there to stick the boat in.
07:25Cool Sears.
07:25At least he said it looks like something.
07:27Wow.
07:31What do you reckon?
07:32What does it taste like?
07:33Flavour-wise, stunning.
07:34Absolutely delicious.
07:35At least it tastes delicious.
07:36Every cloud.
07:37Yeah.
07:37There you go.
07:38No.
07:38Man smashed it.
07:39Actually, it might look like shape, but it tastes all right.
07:42Yeah.
07:42It looks like it's been dropped out of a tree.
07:47It's flat.
07:48And that's putting it politely.
07:50Just a tree.
07:51He could have gone higher, to be fair.
07:53Yeah.
07:56In Yorkshire...
07:57So here are puppies.
07:59They're all orange, pink, blue, green, yellow, brown.
08:03Meet Sarah and her daughter-in-law, Lara.
08:06You have one more week and then you go.
08:09You will miss them.
08:10She won't miss them, though.
08:11The mother never does.
08:12No.
08:13It's quite extraordinary.
08:13She'll keep one.
08:14She'll keep one, yes.
08:15It'll be fun.
08:16Are you little, little munchkins?
08:18Aren't you all little munchkins?
08:20They're probably all wee on us a minute, but never mind.
08:25On Friday, there were more shenanigans on the cobbles on ITV.
08:30Are you ready for some curry?
08:31I'm always ready for some curry.
08:33I thought that.
08:34Some things are guanning in Coronation Street, I can tell you that.
08:37Mm-hmm.
08:39Oh!
08:43You're going to have to give me full backstory of curry.
08:47I will.
08:48I've been binge-watching curry because I missed a week on holiday, weren't I?
08:52Kevin's brother, Carl, has come over from Germany
08:55and he's been doing the okey-cokey with Kevin's wife.
08:58Riveting stuff, Julie.
08:59What have I forgotten?
09:01I've got my passport, phone charge of wine, gums.
09:05They're having the affair.
09:07Right.
09:07She's about to go on holiday with her husband.
09:09OK.
09:10You know, I'm not happy about you going on holiday with another man.
09:12You're a brother.
09:13Yeah.
09:14It's not another man, it's your brother and your husband, love.
09:17It's you I want to be with, all right?
09:18There'll be no funny business with Kevin, I promise.
09:20You're on holiday.
09:22That's why you go on holiday.
09:26Hi, babe.
09:28And here's Tracy.
09:29You passed the deadline.
09:30We're working on it.
09:31We'll work harder then.
09:32Tracy's obviously blackmailing them because she's found out.
09:35Ten grand she wants.
09:37Tracy wants ten grand off them?
09:38Yeah.
09:39To not tell Kevin?
09:40Yeah.
09:40What exactly was it that made you such a vindictive cow?
09:45Bella, Abby.
09:46Nobody wants you.
09:47Nobody wants me?
09:48Yep.
09:49Carl does.
09:50Ooh!
09:51Has he been knocking Tracy off?
09:53Tracy's been flinging herself at Carl and that's how she's ended up getting wind of this affair
09:57because she gave her the knock back.
09:59Tracy, Carl would never fancy you.
10:02I mean, come on.
10:03I mean, come on.
10:04That is like laying down a challenge.
10:09Carl would never fancy you.
10:11Oh.
10:11And then she might think, oh, yes, well, let's see if I can make him.
10:16Your hot pot will be five minutes, Tops.
10:18Really?
10:19I've already been waiting half an hour.
10:20You're telling me they're never doing the still and hot pot in the Rovers?
10:23Yeah, they do.
10:24She's been dead years, Betty Terpins.
10:26Yeah, but she had loads in the freezer.
10:30That'll be £2.50 for the juice, please.
10:32Amazing.
10:35Can I get you a drink, mate?
10:36Oh, he's a bit of all right.
10:37Look at his muscles.
10:39He's a PT trainer, you can tell.
10:41Oh, thanks.
10:42You know what you need?
10:44New life.
10:45A good workout.
10:46Ah, here's trouble.
10:48Oh, look, there's Tracy.
10:49There's Tracy's coming at an awkward moment.
10:52James, not in the mood, mate.
10:54There's nothing like getting all hot and sweaty to make you forget your worries.
10:58Nothing like getting out and sweaty to forget your worries.
11:01That's what's got me in this mess in the first place, Tiger.
11:03Off your fuck.
11:06You know, James is right.
11:08Nothing like getting down and dirty to take your mind off stuff.
11:11Oh, I see.
11:13Yeah.
11:13Oh, dear.
11:14I mean, she literally is like a doggone heat.
11:17Yeah.
11:18A bitch, if you like.
11:19Sorry, a bitch on heat.
11:24What's this now?
11:25Oh, where is she?
11:26This is his room.
11:27This is Kyle's room.
11:28In the hotel.
11:34What are you doing here?
11:35What's he doing?
11:36Why is he hot and sweaty?
11:37Have you got showered for me?
11:39Let it go, woman.
11:41She's pretty obvious.
11:42She's not giving up, is she?
11:44No, she's like a dog with a bone, Tracy.
11:46Tracy, you're pathetic.
11:47I'm not interested.
11:48How many ways can you say no?
11:50Clearly, you prefer it the hard way.
11:53So, I want my money.
11:56What a wicked woman.
11:57Oh, dear.
11:58So, basically, she's saying if she don't get me, she needs to get paid.
12:01Oh, wow.
12:02What he should have said also, would that clear the debt?
12:06Would it clear the debt, Nutty?
12:07It could be like a gigolo.
12:10But he probably hates her.
12:12A gigolo of Manchester.
12:13Wait, wait, wait.
12:19Who's there?
12:20Who's there?
12:20Someone's there.
12:24That wasn't your biggest fan again, was it?
12:26Oh, no!
12:27Oh, back up!
12:29Oh, ha, ha!
12:30What the fuck?
12:32Yo!
12:34Correlation Street!
12:36You're doing us like this!
12:38No!
12:43That's very modern, isn't it, Nutty?
12:47No-one saw that coming.
12:48No.
12:49Ha-ha!
12:50I was not expecting that.
12:52That is the biggest curveball!
12:55Fucking brilliant.
12:56Correlation Street has ever thrown.
13:06In Manchester...
13:07Helena, I need you to try this cardion,
13:10cos I need to check how long you want the sleeves.
13:13OK.
13:14Alison, her husband, George, and her daughter, Helena.
13:17See, you've got a balloon sleeve.
13:20Do you see?
13:21So what you want me to do is cuff it to become a balloon sleeve,
13:25or I can leave it as a bellend.
13:27Which would you like?
13:29I'll cuff it, please, so you stop saying bellend.
13:34On Wednesday night,
13:35some singletons were paired up in paradise on BBC One.
13:39Dating shows is not for them, innit?
13:41There's too many. There's too many.
13:43Which ones are there? There's...
13:45Blind date.
13:46Blind date.
13:47Blind date!
13:47You're showing your age now.
13:49Oh, my God.
13:49Blind date!
13:50Andre!
13:51Far from the distractions of home,
13:5412 singles looking for lifelong love.
13:58I've seen this advertised.
13:59It's basically a load of singletons.
14:01They meet, quickly get married,
14:04then they're basically just left on a desert island for three weeks.
14:08Will they thrive in isolation and find love?
14:11Oh, it's Davina!
14:12I'd like to pick Davina McCall.
14:14Yeah, can you imagine?
14:16And how do you feel about your partner?
14:18I'd appreciate the host, actually.
14:20Stranded on Honeymoon Island.
14:23So, it's basically Survivor, married at first night, slash love island.
14:28It is literally a dating reality show, Orji.
14:32I'm May, originally from Mansfield, but now living in London.
14:36Oh, May's cute.
14:37May looks like a normal nice girl, doesn't she?
14:40So, my last proper boyfriend, unfortunately, there was an accident.
14:45Oh, no, he died.
14:48Oh, Jesus.
14:49Where he fell.
14:51Oh.
14:52Oh, God, that's not good.
14:54Into his colleague's vagina.
14:56LAUGHTER
14:56You've got to be careful.
14:59You can trip up and fall into anything nowadays.
15:02Yeah, he basically left me for his colleague.
15:05Oh, my God, she...
15:07What?
15:07Me's got a bit of something about her, OK?
15:08What's so bad?
15:09OK.
15:10After a bit of speed dating...
15:12Where are you from?
15:13I'm from Edinburgh, Scotland.
15:14Oh!
15:15Hey!
15:15Hi!
15:17Representing, my man.
15:18I love how she's...
15:18Oh!
15:20God, that's nice!
15:22Oh!
15:23I mean, those in glass houses, if she's from Mansfield.
15:25Oh, yeah.
15:27It was time for May to discover who she was tying the knot with.
15:31Whoo!
15:31I'm so...
15:32I'm so relieved to see you here.
15:33Yeah, me too.
15:34Oh, it's a relief.
15:36Oh, well, they're happy.
15:37That's good.
15:37Yeah.
15:38If I manifested this right, number 25 is standing in front of me.
15:41What did she say?
15:42If I manifested this right, number 25 is standing in front of me.
15:45He was number 25.
15:46I mean, I've actually just put insert number.
15:49Yeah.
15:49If I manifested this right, insert number will be stood in front of me.
15:55That'd be my love, man.
15:57I've been through some tough times when it's come to love.
15:59It's not that I was too much, it's that they weren't enough.
16:03I love how he's just putting his lid there, he's thinking, shit, you've got a bit of a live wire here.
16:08At this point, he looks like he's got regret for signing off for this show.
16:11I promise to be the most loyal person you've ever met, to love you with the biggest, purest heart.
16:18It's quite deep, this, isn't it?
16:19Yeah.
16:19To be your partner in crime, your biggest cheerleader.
16:22No.
16:23Oh, she's still going.
16:24How many words has she crammed on that bitter card?
16:27Yeah.
16:28That's beautiful.
16:29OK, let's see what he has to say.
16:33I vowed to never steal the covers.
16:35OK.
16:35Tick.
16:36Right, that's a good beginning.
16:37I promise to never lose my temper with you.
16:40OK.
16:40That's not going to last.
16:42You might need to lose your temper at some point or she'll walk all over you, mate.
16:49Any more?
16:51That is the vows.
16:52That is the vows.
16:53Is that it?
16:54What's he done, written him on the back of a fag packet?
16:56He's written him on the way down the jetty.
16:59Shit.
17:01Oh, vows.
17:03One night in of being stranded, we got to see how newlyweds May and Morrie were getting along.
17:09I don't think you'll annoy me.
17:11No.
17:11I think you're like, you're just like, really cute.
17:14I think she's quite keen on him at the minute though, isn't she?
17:16But they haven't been there about five minutes.
17:17Yeah.
17:19Am I your usual type?
17:20No, you're not.
17:23That was so quick.
17:25He didn't even think about it.
17:27I think that would bother me if you said it that quick.
17:29Yeah.
17:29I think with you, I just sort of see, I like, want to protect you.
17:32Oh, that's nice.
17:34I see you as like a little sister almost.
17:36Oh!
17:38Oh, no, Morrie, what are you doing?
17:42Oh, fucking hell.
17:43Why have you said that?
17:44Well, there, he said it.
17:45If it's friend zone, like, sometimes you can get out with your friends, do you know what I mean?
17:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:49Once you put her in the sister box, you can't, incest, you can't touch her.
17:52Yeah, yeah, yeah, not Adam and Eve out here.
17:54It's the little sister vibes that I'm getting.
17:56Oh.
17:57He said it again.
17:57Oh, my God.
17:57Again!
17:58He said it again.
17:59Always reinforcing it, isn't he?
18:01Well, I suppose at least he's not led her on.
18:04No, he's telling her.
18:05It's just, like, how I'm feeling right now, especially with the little sister vibes and stuff.
18:10Are we still going on about it?
18:11Fucking leave it out.
18:12Do you know what?
18:14I actually can't wait to watch this again.
18:16Just to see how many more times he says she looks like his sister.
18:24In Leeds.
18:25What do you think of my new shirt?
18:27It's very art teacher.
18:29Very art teacher.
18:30It's very art teacher.
18:32I was on it from a charity shop this morning.
18:34Sisters Ellie and Izzy.
18:37It's very art teacher.
18:39I just don't know what my style is.
18:41No.
18:42I don't either.
18:43It's a bit Friar Tuck.
18:47I knew it rang a bell with someone.
18:49I couldn't put my finger on it, but it's nice.
18:50Somebody Friar Tuck.
18:52We don't need a rosary and a rope belt.
18:55With that haircut as well.
18:59On Sunday night, Channel 4 was giving us that back-to-school feeling with the return of this.
19:06High school was probably one of the most hostile environments I've ever been to.
19:10It's like a prison with no prison guards.
19:13I feel sorry for teachers nowadays, I'd be honest.
19:16You wouldn't want to be a teacher nowadays, would you?
19:18No.
19:18The kids are little bastards.
19:20The feral.
19:21Over a decade ago, the nation fell in love with a school in Yorkshire.
19:26I can't believe it's been ten years since it's been on.
19:27I used to love this show, mate.
19:28I'm so glad it's back.
19:30I know.
19:30Now, the cameras are back.
19:32These lot are insane.
19:33Is it like Waterloo Road?
19:35No!
19:36That's made up.
19:37That's drama.
19:38This is a real school with real kids and it's just what's going on in the school.
19:43It's as if we were both going to school today and there was cameras in there.
19:47Oh, you wouldn't want to be recording me?
19:49No.
19:50Well, I was never in the classes to be recorders.
19:52Welcome to the world of education!
19:56My mum said I was misunderstood and because I was ginger, I always used to stick out.
20:00You were naughty, weren't you?
20:01I was naughty.
20:02Yeah.
20:03And I was at school with both my sisters-in-law, so when I turned up to marry their brother,
20:07it was their deepest, darkest nightmare, wasn't it?
20:09Well, it was quite weird, I must say.
20:12It's form time for the Year 8s and tutor Mr Geary is going over their behaviour points.
20:17He's getting the classic, easily distracted and then distracts others on his report.
20:23Yeah, that's what you used to get.
20:25In our day, it might have been called High Spirits, Murray, and it would have been knocked out of you.
20:30I think it's E numbers.
20:31Now, we're going to do your negatives.
20:33Ethan, one.
20:35Isaac, one.
20:37Nah, boy's struggling.
20:38He's a bit hyper, isn't he?
20:40Riley, nine.
20:42Nine what?
20:43Negatives for last week.
20:44Nah, negative!
20:46Oh!
20:47LAUGHTER
20:49Oh, I shouldn't laugh.
20:51Do you know who it reminds me of?
20:52Macaulay Culkin.
20:53Yeah.
20:54We didn't really see a peep out of Riley in Year 7.
20:58So what's changed?
20:59Yeah.
21:00Something's happened.
21:01What does skibbedeewibbly wobbly...
21:04Riley, I've asked you once, I know her first, again, it'll be a verbal warning.
21:07And it's in form.
21:09You're not singing.
21:13He's just...
21:14He's funny.
21:15The first step for Mrs Delaney Hudson,
21:17is to carry out a neurodiversity screening.
21:20There we go. Right.
21:21Oh, this is how you discover ADHD and stuff.
21:24You had a dyslexia screening when you were five or six
21:28and they said there might be a slight chance that you're dyslexic.
21:31And you are very dyslexic. And you're, like...
21:33Do you want to know how we know? The most dyslexic person.
21:36Do you have difficulty making out the sounds of words?
21:42Sometimes.
21:44Mm, no.
21:45Are you doing this test yourself? Yeah.
21:47Do you find that you can't explain why you did something?
21:51Yeah, often.
21:55Aw, sweetheart.
21:56He seems a compliant little chap, doesn't he?
22:01Mum, Bobby, has come in to meet Mrs Delaney Hudson for the results.
22:05Would there be anything worse than your mum having to come into school?
22:09Mortifying. Mortifying, yeah.
22:11Your teacher feedback is that you display more concerning behaviour traits
22:17after lunch.
22:18After lunch? Something he's eating.
22:20Oh, diet-related, Mary. That's what you said, wasn't it?
22:25That's what I suspected.
22:26Well, yeah, but is he eating loads of sugary shite that's making him...
22:29At lunchtime, making him disruptive, have too much energy.
22:33Yeah.
22:33So, average daily diet.
22:36Wheat-a-bix.
22:37Nice.
22:38Well, I'd have said that's all right. It's roughage.
22:40Chocolate wheat-a-bix, normally.
22:42Chocolate wheat-a-bix.
22:43Yeah. Sugar, sugar, sugar.
22:44Well, I've never heard of chocolate wheat-a-bix.
22:46Oh, Jane, come on.
22:47Then he puts sugar on him.
22:49Chocolate wheat-a-bix with sugar!
22:50That's not a crime. I put sugar on my wheat-a-bix.
22:53Cup of coffee.
22:55Cup of coffee!
22:56He's having coffee!
22:58It's off his tits!
22:59Then sometimes he'll take a chew with Pringles out of cupboard.
23:02I think I used to have, like, I don't know, toast or cereal for breakfast.
23:06Toast with Nutella on, toast with jam, and then you'd go to school,
23:09and on your way to school, you'd stop at the shop,
23:11you'd get a bag of Transformers.
23:12Oh, yes.
23:13I'm quite confident that we might have found the trigger
23:16as to what causes some of his behaviour choices.
23:20Is that it? It's just loaded up with sugar and coffee?
23:22Yeah, by the sound of it.
23:23Oh, Miss Marple's currently care, you see her.
23:26Well, thank you, Agatha Christie.
23:28Later in the programme, after a few tweaks to his diet,
23:32we caught up with Riley back in class.
23:34Riley, do you want to read down to Across the Land?
23:37The wind was just getting stronger, and my shirt was floppy.
23:41I felt like I was up on a ship because the whole belt frame was moving.
23:48I think he seems a lot calmer.
23:49Settling down a bit now, isn't he?
23:51Now he's not high as a kite on sugar.
23:53I'm so jealous he can read better than me.
23:56Oh!
23:56He's also 12, by the way.
23:57Shut up.
23:58I think I could have done better in education.
24:00Well, I come out of school with two GCSEs,
24:02so I definitely could have done better.
24:04Yeah, you could have done with going back, really.
24:06But then I went to college and got functional skills,
24:08so it doesn't matter.
24:09Oh, not the functional skills.
24:20In Glasgow...
24:21Up at 5.30 tomorrow.
24:23Do you know what?
24:23Actually, once you're up, that's the problem.
24:25I had to buy myself, like, an alarm clock
24:27that will, like, ring at the other side of the room.
24:30Meet best mates Jake and Callum.
24:33But once you're up, it's like,
24:34you get up before the rest of the city does.
24:36It was great.
24:37Nice.
24:37All right, Batman.
24:38Yeah.
24:41Listen, Arkham needs me.
24:42I'm glad you're protecting our streets
24:44when I've still got another two hours sleep to get.
24:46On Sunday night, there was a brand-new game show
24:51from Beyond the Grave on Channel 4.
24:54I mean, it would be nice, wouldn't it,
24:57if you just got a fat inheritance off somebody,
24:59but it does mean that somebody has had to pass to the other side.
25:03No, it wouldn't be wonderful because you've lost a loved one.
25:05Well, if it was...
25:06That's the difference between you and me.
25:08Greed.
25:08If it was someone that you weren't that arsed about.
25:18You don't want tat leaving to your dear.
25:21Most people leave you tatting.
25:22What are you going to do with that?
25:23It's all they have all these house clearances.
25:25Nobody wants it.
25:26All they want is bricks and mortar and money.
25:28Yeah, but at least the thought that counts.
25:30Fuck the thought.
25:32Hello, darlings.
25:33That's Elizabeth Hurley.
25:34Elizabeth Hurley.
25:35I have some bad news.
25:36Are you ready?
25:37She looks a bit AI.
25:39I don't like bad news.
25:40Looks good, though, doesn't she?
25:41Do you know how old she is, Jed?
25:42She'll be 70-odd, I should think.
25:44Oh, yeah, bitch.
25:45Oh, God, sorry.
25:46Here goes.
25:48I'm dead.
25:49Dead, dead, dead.
25:50Oh.
25:51Well, you're not, are you?
25:52Because she's just there.
25:54She's just there.
25:54She's not...
25:55Oh, unless you recorded it before she died.
25:57She died.
25:57When one perfectly proportioned door closes,
26:00another one opens.
26:02And that's where you come in.
26:04Oh, she's speaking to all the people
26:06who are going to potentially inherit her wealth.
26:08I've got it.
26:09Each of you is in with a chance
26:10to get your hands on my generous assets.
26:15I'll tell you what, she's talking my language here.
26:18My inheritance.
26:21I need to like Google if she's dead or not.
26:23She's not dead.
26:25And if she is, this is in very poor taste.
26:32Good morning.
26:32Oh, we love a bit of Rob Rinder.
26:36Love Rob Rinder.
26:37He's like whack-a-mole, not it?
26:39Hmm.
26:39As soon as he's been, um, finished one thing,
26:41he pops up in another thing.
26:43He does.
26:44In the programme,
26:45Rob set the contestants off on their first task,
26:48to find, blend and bottle wine,
26:50some of which was at the bottom of a lake.
26:53It's like walking through soup.
26:55Oh, he's gone in.
26:58Get stuck in, go on.
27:00I'm for sure going in that lake.
27:01Oh, he's straight in with his head under the water.
27:05God love him.
27:05Because I'm decent at swimming,
27:07and also, it's something that other people don't want to do.
27:11He's playing the game already.
27:12Yeah, so it looks like you've worked harder.
27:15Yeah.
27:15Doing the stuff that somebody else doesn't want to do.
27:18Yeah.
27:18The boy is strong.
27:20Wow.
27:21Come on.
27:22Oh, my God.
27:24Everyone's loving Jesse's, like, attitude towards this.
27:27You'd be like,
27:28guys, I'm sitting this one out.
27:30Yeah.
27:30I want this money.
27:32I want to contribute.
27:33I want to show everyone I can be, you know, I am useful.
27:36Well, don't stop it then.
27:38Leave the bottles inside.
27:39Leave the bottles inside.
27:40There's a fucking way.
27:41It feels like what most corporate away days end up spiraling into.
27:44Shut up.
27:45Shut up.
27:46I'm in a motion right now.
27:47Let me work.
27:48Shut up, please.
27:49Oh.
27:50She's not making any mates telling him to shut up, is she?
27:53It's really not giving teamwork, is it?
27:55Yeah.
27:56It's giving, they're going to hate you, girl.
27:58Oh, my God.
27:59That whole raft is just going to sink.
28:00All those bottles.
28:02Oh, no, they've lost them all.
28:03They're losing it.
28:04Oh, crumbs.
28:05So now they've lost bottles, and those bottles is money.
28:09Yep.
28:10Oh, shit.
28:11Zara's going to get rinsed for that.
28:13A bit later, after more fighting, Rinder was back with his big red book.
28:18Today you're successfully released...
28:23£5,600.
28:25Very nice.
28:26Can I get a whoop-whoop?
28:28Those who think they've contributed most must step forward as a claimant.
28:34Jessie, step forward right now.
28:36Don't tell me Zara's going to put herself forward.
28:39She ain't done now.
28:39Today, I feel like I am the most valuable player.
28:43Go on, Jess.
28:46There you go.
28:47I did object straight away.
28:50I cannot believe Zara is sat up there.
28:53The audacity.
28:55The absolute audacity.
28:57The audacity.
28:59That's what I said.
29:02You guys should be...
29:03That's my bestie.
29:05What do you want to say?
29:06Do you want to just...
29:06When somebody is chatting out their arse, I have to stop them.
29:11Whoa!
29:13Shutting out their arse!
29:16Love it.
29:17This is what the show is all about.
29:20The jury...
29:21..has chosen Jessie as prime beneficiary.
29:25Jessie!
29:28Thank God.
29:29Jessie, you've inherited £5,600.
29:33That's a lot of money.
29:35It's now time to go to the strong room.
29:37What's the strong room?
29:38The what?
29:39What is that?
29:40That sounds really off, like, really...
29:42I'm not going to be Kristen Gray, though.
29:45That's what it sounds like.
29:47Jessie, welcome to the strong room.
29:50Right?
29:51What?
29:51You've got a decision to make.
29:54You may gift up to half of it to any of the members of the jury.
29:56You could buy a second-hand Skoda Yeti for that, Nutty.
30:00It's what we paid for ours, wasn't it?
30:02You can, of course, decide to keep it all.
30:04Oh, keep it all.
30:05Yeah.
30:06Now, Jessie, whether you choose to disclose what happens in this room
30:09is entirely up to you.
30:12There's the sneaky bit here, though.
30:13Yeah.
30:14Do you know what?
30:15I'd just say that I did put it in some in everybody's box.
30:19Yeah!
30:20And I'd keep it for myself.
30:22It's now time to decide.
30:24At the end of the day, the game is the game.
30:27Exactly, mate.
30:28This man's changed.
30:29I still love him.
30:30I don't care.
30:33He's playing a game and he's playing it right.
30:34That decision would be so easy for me.
30:36Like, keeping my money.
30:38Honestly, I'm not sharing it.
30:39None of them did as much as Jessie did.
30:41Let's be honest.
30:42So, if Gran left us at inheritance, you wouldn't share it?
30:46If she said, oh, it's all going to go to you, Imani, would you not feel bad?
30:51And then think, why would I?
30:53Why would I?
30:55So, what if I'm living in the slums and you're out here kicking it up in a mansion?
30:59How's that right?
31:00Sorry.
31:01It's just your fate.
31:02What can I do?
31:02In the Cotswolds.
31:08Have you seen the village group, darling?
31:11There's two feral cats that hunt in the village.
31:14Yet again, the village WhatsApp group is enlightening the world.
31:19Meet Andrew and his husband, Alfie.
31:21Somebody in one of the big houses is being called out for potentially promoting the feral cats to cull off the pigeon population, which seems to plague us.
31:31Having a laugh.
31:33I mean, there are a lot of rutting pigeons in the village at the moment.
31:36That's what that flapping was in the hedge the other night.
31:38Yeah.
31:39I thought it was the next door neighbour doing something with their mats from their car or something.
31:45You know, when you shake a mat out from a car, it sounds like that.
31:47Yeah, no.
31:48And then I thought it was a bird stuck in the hedge.
31:50Oh, yeah.
31:51Then I realised it's not.
31:53It's just pigeon shagging, yeah.
31:55On Saturday, there were more twists and turns from across the pond on the BBC.
32:00I'm interested in what's going on.
32:01Absolutely.
32:02I can't understand anybody.
32:03I say, oh, I hate politics.
32:05Because the life is politics, isn't it?
32:07Somebody said to me once they were going to start a happy news channel.
32:10That was me.
32:11Oh, that was you.
32:12You were about to slate it.
32:14I think it's a brilliant idea.
32:16The dogs are watching the news, Ellie.
32:17Oh, my God.
32:18Look at them.
32:19They are.
32:19Fixated.
32:21Very highbrow, my dogs.
32:23Good afternoon.
32:26President Trump has criticised a US appeals court ruling that has found many of his global
32:31tariffs to be illegal.
32:33I'm not even shocked anymore.
32:34Of course he is.
32:36That's so Trump.
32:37It deemed he had unlawfully invoked emergency powers to impose them.
32:41I don't trust him because he's T-Total.
32:43This is show out of character for him.
32:45The ruling doesn't take effect until mid-October, which would give the US government time to
32:50ask the Supreme Court to review the case.
32:53They'll just get out of it again if they go to the Supreme Court.
32:57Well, they're all his people, aren't they?
32:58Yeah.
32:59Yeah, he's in with them all.
33:00There you go.
33:00You know, rather than them going through a lengthy Supreme Court thing, why don't they
33:05ask chat GPT whether it's legal or not?
33:10Mr Trump said the decision, if allowed to stand, would literally destroy America.
33:14I think that's probably an exaggeration.
33:16He's doing quite a good job of that himself, isn't he?
33:18Yeah.
33:19He said the 2nd of April would be one of the most important days in American history.
33:23This is Liberation Day.
33:25Liberation from what?
33:27Like, why does no one ask that question?
33:30Yeah.
33:30It's gone from liberation to buggeration overnight.
33:36Commiseration.
33:37It's not liberation, did Ronald.
33:40Donald.
33:41Ronald.
33:42Donald.
33:42Ronald McDonald.
33:45On his Truth Social website, the President was undaunted.
33:49All tariffs are still in effect.
33:50That's on Truth Social, which is quite an ironic name.
33:53That's a bit rich.
33:54Look at that, all capitals at the top.
33:56He's shouting.
33:57That's a sign of a mad person.
33:59President Trump...
34:00You text like that, Mum.
34:02No, I don't.
34:03You do?
34:03Excuse me, no.
34:04But even if the Supreme Court upholds this ruling, Trump could still impose similar tariffs
34:09through other legal routes.
34:11He said this ruling would literally destroy the United States of America.
34:15He won't give up on his tariff policies without a fight.
34:18He will just continue and bully on through.
34:21The only thing that's going to change it is people's reaction to it and the tariffs that
34:25they put on them, whether they're going to hurt America in any way.
34:28Oh, you sound semi-intelligent, darling.
34:30I mean, why is he introduced tariffs?
34:32Because he just wanted to piss people off.
34:34It's a bit like smart meters, innit?
34:37What?
34:38Yeah, a lot of people don't like them smart meters.
34:41What's that got to do with Trump?
34:43Well, now he hasn't introduced them, it's us who give us smart meters.
34:47They're all your life.
34:48You want to hear about my new bed, have you?
34:59You've got a new bed, have you?
35:01Yeah.
35:02Oh, I bet you're christening that, aren't you?
35:04Oh, I am.
35:04I'm going up and down, up and down, up and down.
35:07It's lovely.
35:08It's electric.
35:09Best friends Jenny and Lee.
35:12Up and down.
35:13Up and down.
35:14That would annoy me, totally.
35:17I'd cut the bastard wires.
35:19No, it's lovely, Alan.
35:20Laying next to somebody going...
35:21Ray said it's the most he's seen me move for a long time.
35:29On Monday night, a nail-biting new thriller had us on the edge of our seats on BBC One.
35:35God, we do love a good drama, don't we, darling?
35:38We do love a good drama.
35:39Less drama in our house, more drama on telly.
35:42Yeah, they don't have the dramas on in the summer, do they?
35:44No.
35:44I suppose it's because everybody's barbecuing.
35:45They won't be watching this.
35:46It's like, you don't have a drama.
35:49You don't have a drama in a barbecue, do you?
35:56The guest.
35:57Here we go.
35:58All right.
35:59I love being a guest.
36:00Oh, yeah, you do, because you come here and get weighted on hand and foot.
36:04In the programme, we met a cleaner called Ria,
36:07arriving for her first day in a new job.
36:09Look at that pile.
36:13She wouldn't be doing her own shopping in Tesco's, would she?
36:16Imagine cleaning that.
36:18Christ, it wouldn't want to be clean.
36:19I'd take a good bloody fart me.
36:21Import from the States, Asia.
36:25Is she an interior designer?
36:27It looks like she's, yeah.
36:29Europe.
36:30I mean, obviously, that's not as easy as it used to be, but we do refurbs, refits.
36:36She's got a tabard on, just so we can all identify that she is the cleaner of the house.
36:40Of course.
36:41She's got a tabard on.
36:42Having taken her under her wing, Fran was keen for Ria to find a new boyfriend.
36:47Oh, hello, he's gorgeous.
36:51Oh, he is, isn't he?
36:52He is gorgeous, isn't he?
36:54Hi, hey.
36:57I can't believe she's actually gone on this date.
36:59She's got a boyfriend.
37:00Yeah, it's good money.
37:03Like, most years, I clear 100k, isn't he?
37:06He's talking about money on the first date.
37:08Red flag.
37:09Ooh.
37:11Oh, my bingo wings are flapping.
37:13Uh, so, sorry, what about you?
37:14What do you do for, um, for work?
37:16Oh, what is she going to say?
37:19I'm sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm, I run a company.
37:23Do you now?
37:26Yeah, um, high-end finisher, night fittings, refurbishments, that sort of thing.
37:31Oh, she's taking on the personality of Fran.
37:35We just, we saw some of the world, the States, Asia, Europe, which isn't as easy as it used to be now, obviously.
37:42She's copying what Fran said earlier.
37:44Oh, what a tangled web we weave.
37:47That's really cool.
37:48Do you think there's a spark between them, Mary?
37:52Seems to be.
37:53A bit later, we saw Fran heading off for the weekend, leaving Ria in charge of the big fancy house.
38:00Oh, she's getting rid of all the pictures, all the evidence.
38:08Oh, she's going to have a dirty weekend in the house with the boyfriend, the new boyfriend.
38:15Hey.
38:16I wasn't sure if I was in the right house.
38:17Oh, okay.
38:19You're not.
38:20You'd have a ring doorbell on a gaff like that, wouldn't you?
38:22Of course you would.
38:23How's he got up the drive?
38:24She's not left them gates open.
38:26Bloody hell.
38:27This is a bit nice.
38:28He's thinking he's landed on his feet here.
38:31Do you want to talk?
38:34Yeah.
38:34When I come round to your house, when I first met you, you didn't say, do you want to talk?
38:39It would have took all of 20 seconds, wouldn't it?
38:41You're so fucking hot.
38:44The rats already?
38:45That escalated fast.
38:47La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
38:50I read quite a lot of rumpy, pumping novels because they help me go to sleep.
38:59Who's that?
39:00Who's that?
39:02Who's in that car?
39:03Hi, this is Ria.
39:04Please leave a message.
39:07Hi, it's me.
39:08Oh, it's Fran.
39:09I got halfway there and realised I forgot my bloody key.
39:12Oh.
39:13She's on her way home.
39:14Pictures, man in the house.
39:16This is not going to go down well.
39:17Where he says I should be there in ten minutes.
39:19Ten minutes?
39:20Shit.
39:21They're gonna be caught in play grande.
39:29Oh, turn it off.
39:30Answer the bloody fawn.
39:32Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
39:34Oh, she's checked that.
39:35Thank God, thank God, thank God, thank God.
39:37Anyway, where he says I should be there in ten minutes.
39:39What are you gonna do now?
39:41How's she gonna cover up this one?
39:43I don't know.
39:44Who keeps calling you?
39:45Oh, he's getting a bit aggy, isn't he?
39:47My boyfriend is on the way back home, so I need you to leave.
39:50Oh!
39:52She's that maid, she's got a boyfriend.
39:55I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
39:56This is fucked.
39:57This is fucked.
39:58It's gonna get nasty.
39:59So why are you being like that for?
40:00Oh, my God, I'm not being like anything.
40:01Can you just leave, please?
40:02I've asked you.
40:03He's not gonna leave now.
40:04I don't think he's gonna, you know.
40:06He's off his rocker.
40:07Oh!
40:12Oh, she's...
40:13Oh, my God.
40:18No, no, no.
40:20Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't!
40:23Run!
40:25Oh!
40:28This has gone from nought to a hundred in about ten seconds.
40:31Oh!
40:31Bloody hell!
40:39Get up!
40:40Get the fuck up!
40:42Whoa!
40:44Oh!
40:48Oh!
40:50Oh!
40:51Oh!
40:58She's got about two minutes to leave out the mess before the bus.
41:00My God, that was dramatic.
41:04This is proof as to why we shouldn't use dating apps, isn't it?
41:06Because it's the devil's playground.
41:08Yeah.
41:09Nothing good ever comes from a dating app.
41:12Well, it has never for me.
41:13Definitely hasn't for you.
41:16All right.
41:20In Solihull...
41:21What do you look like with them socks and slippers?
41:23I don't care.
41:25Teresa and her wife, Anita.
41:27When I met you, you had real high levels of, you know, dress sense.
41:34And you criticised a lot of what I wore.
41:37I had to throw out a flowery coat because of you.
41:39Well, you just hit the nail on the head there.
41:41What?
41:41When I met you, things changed.
41:42On Thursday night, there were more canine capers
41:49with the nation's favourite homeless hounds on Channel 4.
41:53Oh!
41:53Oh, it's the doghouse!
41:58It's OK.
41:59We're not getting it.
42:00Don't worry.
42:02Do you mind getting your feet off those?
42:03Sorry.
42:05You're about to eat my cheesy feet instead of your cheese straws.
42:08Do they taste good, these cheese straws?
42:09They're lovely.
42:10This house at the moment is bonkers.
42:15I've got six puppies, a Labrador and two Tibetan terriers.
42:2114-year-old Lucy has rallied the whole family
42:23in search of a four-legged friend to finally call her own.
42:27I hope they find something special for Lucy.
42:30I think for us it's about the personality and temperament of the dog
42:34more than necessarily the greed.
42:37You want a dog that's cut she, doesn't it?
42:38Cut she, do I?
42:39Do you want something she can have on her lap?
42:41Yeah.
42:42Like my dachshund?
42:43Yeah.
42:43If she had my dachshund, she would love it.
42:46She would love a dachshund.
42:48Oh, I'm Pomeranian!
42:50Oh, wow, OK.
42:51They're quite small, aren't they, Pomeranian?
42:53Small, fluffy one.
42:55Yeah, but they're yuppie-loosie.
42:56Be very careful with them.
42:57Not all of them.
42:58Occasionally, you've said, haven't you,
42:59I'm lonely and I'd like a dog.
43:01Yeah.
43:03Give her a dog.
43:04Give her a dog, give her two.
43:06Oh, I want her to find a nice Pomeranian.
43:07She's going to find a nice Pomeranian.
43:09We've narrowed it down to two possibilities.
43:12OK.
43:12Oh, I wonder what they got for her.
43:16Who is it?
43:17Pomeranian.
43:18Perfect.
43:20Oh.
43:21Oh, that ticks every box for that.
43:22Bloody brilliant.
43:24I want you to understand that Fox is a stray.
43:27Fox.
43:28A stray Pomeranian.
43:30Yeah.
43:31How did that happen?
43:32Is there just like a pack of Pomeranians
43:33breeding in the wild somewhere?
43:36That would be a goldmine if we find it.
43:38I know.
43:39He has an affectionate side,
43:41but we don't know if he's ever lived in a house before.
43:44Oh, that's a bit tricky.
43:46It might not be good with people.
43:48So the other option is a little beagle.
43:51OK.
43:52And her name is Poppy.
43:54Oh, beagles are cute.
43:55Let's see both, Lucy.
43:57Don't jump the gun.
43:59Give me a name.
44:01Good boy.
44:02Hiya.
44:03Oh, look at him.
44:05Oh, Fox looks like a fox.
44:07Fox is a fox.
44:09Fox?
44:09Come on, Foxy.
44:14Foxy.
44:16Go on, have a little jump up.
44:18Say hello.
44:19Foxy, get up.
44:22Foxy.
44:23Oh, no, he's gone the other way.
44:27Go and see her.
44:30Please.
44:31Fox isn't obviously going to just come and curl up on your lap today, Lucy,
44:36or maybe not even in a week.
44:38Or never.
44:39Exactly.
44:39It might not ever happen.
44:41And he doesn't like being picked up.
44:42Oh, well, what's your dream for, then?
44:44Oh, well, that's no Scott.
44:45Maybe they could have mentioned that.
44:47Yeah, and that would have been a good one to start with.
44:49You see.
44:51Oh, she's disappointed.
44:53Well, that's understandable.
44:55Fox is no good for her.
44:57You can't even pick it up.
44:58Get out.
44:59Get it out.
45:00Get the next one.
45:00Why did they bring it in for her, then?
45:02Exactly.
45:05Oh.
45:06Oh.
45:07Poppy.
45:08This is Poppy.
45:10Hello, Poppy.
45:11Come on, Poppy.
45:12Come on, knock it out of the court, Pops.
45:14Now, I like that dog instantly, because it's got the face of an old bloke.
45:18Poppy.
45:20Good girl.
45:21Woo-hoo.
45:22Up we go.
45:23Come to see Lucy.
45:25Come to see Lucy.
45:26Oh, that's better.
45:27Mother's like, come on, Poppy.
45:29Come on.
45:30Go and fucking see Lucy.
45:34She said hello to you.
45:36She loved me.
45:38Oh, she likes her.
45:40Poppy might be the one.
45:41I think Poppy might be the winner.
45:42Yeah.
45:44Yes, yes, yes.
45:46Lucy.
45:47I do love her.
45:50Poppy, I love you.
45:51Oh, she loves her.
45:53Oh, Poppy, I think you might have just found your forever home, sweetheart.
45:56Oh, it's making me cry.
45:57She's crying.
45:59Oh.
45:59Is it making you cry?
46:01No.
46:01No.
46:03First, I thought she wanted the Pomeranian.
46:06Please make it work for her.
46:08But then everything worked out in the end, and the bagel was actually better.
46:11The bagel.
46:12Not the bagel.
46:15What they're called?
46:16Beagle.
46:17Oh, they're fucking bagel.
46:19So, you have for your breakfast?
46:25Well, if you want your share of Elizabeth Hurley's inheritance after tonight, the deliciously
46:29devious new game continues on Sunday night at nine.
46:33When it's time to go big, we'll go home.
46:35Now, if you like your Friday nights and new comedy-free zone, well, Mitchell and Webb are
46:40not helping with that.
46:41Next, tonight here on Channel 4.
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