Baylen Out Loud - Season 2 Episode 11- Your Anxiety Is Giving Me Anxiety
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00:00They have a king.
00:01Gordon Ramsay.
00:03Oh my god, of course, Gordon.
00:04I almost forget Gordon Ramsay.
00:06And a king that lives in a castle.
00:10And May Wiener.
00:14What did you say, ever, May Wiener?
00:17In all Nantucket, they all wankers.
00:20Nantucket?
00:21I'll hit, like, my chest.
00:25How is your physical pain?
00:26Terrible.
00:27I want to ask you about this device called New Pulse
00:31that you wear that helps your techs.
00:33If you did want to try it, you'd have to go to the UK,
00:35I'm afraid.
00:36It's not available here.
00:39I don't like the idea of flying over water the entire time.
00:43So you're actually more nervous than me to fly?
00:46Yeah.
00:48If this device actually works for Baylen,
00:51it would be a complete game changer for her.
00:54But taking a trip to the UK is not the most realistic thing
00:58to do right now.
00:59With wedding planning right now, it's just not in our budget.
01:02Hmm.
01:04Even if Baylen can't bring the device home with her,
01:07the intrinsic reward of it is knowing that it would provide her
01:11hope if it worked.
01:12What's up, Dad?
01:13I've been talking with your mom, and going to the UK
01:18to try the new Pulse device is a must.
01:21So we're going to pay for you to go.
01:24Oh, my God, really?
01:25Yeah.
01:26Thank you so much.
01:27It's exciting.
01:28Yeah, thank you, guys.
01:30We're going to go with you and bring Sven, Vic, and Vendor.
01:34We're going to London.
01:35Yeah, we are.
01:37Hello, hello.
01:38I couldn't be any more grateful.
02:04Oh, she's got Virgin Mary in her window.
02:07Oh, I love that.
02:09Virgin dick.
02:10OK.
02:13Hands to yourself.
02:16Oh, please let go of my hand.
02:26Peace up.
02:27A-Town.
02:28you, old bitch.
02:32That's why we got child luck on.
02:35Ever since my parents called me to let me know
02:38that they're going to be paying for the whole family
02:40to travel to London for me to try the new Pulse device,
02:43things are moving at a rapid pace.
02:46And we're leaving for the UK at the end of this week.
02:49But first, we have a meeting to check in
02:52with our wedding planners.
02:53The last time that we saw them, they
02:54seemed a little bit concerned that they'd
02:56be able to fit all of our wedding dreams into our budget.
02:59So honestly, I'm a little nervous with what they have
03:01to tell us today.
03:02Hi.
03:03How are you guys?
03:04They did ask to meet us at a flower shop,
03:06so I'm hoping that's a good sign.
03:08I mean, you can't get bad news when you're
03:10surrounded by flowers, right?
03:13Right?
03:15I don't know.
03:17Maybe they think it's going to soften the blow.
03:19Soften the blow.
03:21OK.
03:23How are you guys?
03:24We're good.
03:25We're good.
03:25I'm a little nervous to hear what you guys have to say.
03:27Well, Dick!
03:31Sorry.
03:32After meeting with Balin and Colin for the first time,
03:34we left feeling slightly concerned.
03:39With all of the different add-ons that they wanted,
03:41the horse, the llamas.
03:42The alpacas.
03:43The fondue fountain.
03:45Yep.
03:45Yep.
03:46We had to go back and take all of their dreams,
03:49compare it to their budget, and see what we could make work.
03:53So we definitely have news for Balin and Colin today,
03:56and I'm not sure that it's news they're going to want to hear.
04:00Wedding planning can be a little scary.
04:02Like, every decision that comes through is just, like,
04:06always, like, shock at what each thing costs,
04:10which you don't normally go through on your daily life, so.
04:13Yeah, after we last met, we went back,
04:16talked about your priorities, started reaching out
04:18to different vendors, photography, videography, catering.
04:22We've got some numbers, got availability,
04:24and everything like that.
04:25Um, here's the deal.
04:27So, I think we have a decision to make.
04:31So we have to do one of two things.
04:33One would be to adjust our expectations.
04:37Or we could increase the budget.
04:44What didn't fit into the budget?
04:46We can fit everything into the budget.
04:48It's just that each category gets shrunk down based on things like your venue selection.
04:54And that's because that's what we've made so far, right?
04:57Mm-hmm.
04:57Okay.
04:58Balin and I sat down and came up with realistic goals and dreams and looks for the wedding,
05:05and we set aside a number that we could be able to attain those.
05:12And we are at our capacity at that number.
05:15So, I think what we should do today is we're going to go back into the cooler here and...
05:20Ooh, the cooler.
05:21Yeah.
05:22Yeah.
05:22Yeah.
05:22Yeah.
05:23You're getting frisky.
05:24Sorry.
05:25Sorry.
05:25I love that.
05:26We're going to look in the cooler.
05:28We're going to see what they have, right?
05:29We're going to pick out some flowers because this is really an area where we can play around
05:35so that we can adjust our expectations of what we're going to walk in on the wedding day.
05:39Does that sound good?
05:40Yes.
05:41Okay.
05:41Perfect.
05:42Let's head back into the cooler.
05:43Okay.
05:45I think it's going to be a fun challenge to figure out what I like and what I don't like,
05:49and if it fits into our budget or not.
05:51Because this could really be an avenue that we save money on.
05:54It's kind of like a Pinterest game.
05:55Not like a tin...
05:56What is it called where you can fit everything in certain areas?
05:59Tintress?
06:00Pint...
06:01Not Pinterest.
06:07Tetris.
06:07Oh, Tetris.
06:08Yes.
06:10All right.
06:10Here we go, guys.
06:13Oh, wow.
06:15Oh, she's chill.
06:17Yeah.
06:17So, Collin, we have a bucket for you.
06:20You have an important job.
06:21You get to hold the flowers.
06:22All right.
06:30Oh, I love those ones.
06:33I'm like, I love colors, so it has to be colorful.
06:36I love these.
06:39The three most important things to have at the wedding is the dress, the food,
06:43you.
06:44And the horse.
06:45Rod the horse.
06:46No.
06:47That's like the 19th thing on the list.
06:50It's food, the dress, and flowers.
06:53We've got peach.
06:54Is that lavender?
06:55Light purple.
06:55What is that?
06:56It's not lavender.
06:57Okay.
06:57I can't do lavender because it sets my ticks off.
07:01Lavender is an absolute no to have at the wedding for flowers because they set off my ticks,
07:06which is really disappointing because they're really pretty flowers.
07:09But because the smell sets off my ticks, it doesn't really make me upset that I can't have it.
07:15I love these.
07:16For budget, roses, they're actually not going to be sold as a package like this.
07:20They're going to be sold per stem.
07:21Good to know.
07:23We need some oranges.
07:27Hydrangeas are great because they're huge and they take up a lot of space.
07:31We love it.
07:33All right, let's keep moving.
07:35You good?
07:35Yeah.
07:37We're almost done, Colin.
07:38I promise.
07:38Oh my god, what is that little fucking thing?
07:43It's amaranthus.
07:43Droopy dicks.
07:44Yeah.
07:45Dick.
07:47Okay.
07:49Oh man, I chipped and broke the flower.
07:51Are we going to have to buy that?
07:53Maybe.
07:53Okay.
07:55That'll look good in our living room.
07:56Yeah, I love it.
07:58Okay, now we're going to head over to the design studio and they're going to start to put this stuff
08:01together for us.
08:03Hi, how are you?
08:04How are you?
08:06Awesome.
08:07Have we got some stuff for you?
08:09Today is all about figuring out how much we have and want to spend on flowers.
08:15Okay.
08:15So thinking about maybe a round table with all of these.
08:20Okay.
08:21It also can't be too...
08:23Like I'm looking at this behind us and I'm thinking that that's a little bit too big.
08:27I have Tourette syndrome and sometimes a lot of things on like a sweetheart table.
08:31Okay.
08:32Just with my tics, everything is kind of going to get ruined.
08:35Sounds good.
08:36So we're looking for a garden style, multicolored, whimsical, fun.
08:41All of that.
08:42You got it.
08:42And more.
08:43Okay.
08:44Let's get started.
08:46So I'm going to take some of this hydrangea.
08:47This is going to take up a lot of space in the arrangement.
08:50That's why I'm putting it in first.
08:52Get your foundation going and then you're going to put the small foundation deck.
08:56Yeah.
08:56Yeah.
08:57I love this.
08:57This is like art.
08:58Yeah.
08:59Absolutely.
09:00Bitch.
09:04Are you excited?
09:05Mm-hmm.
09:06I love all the colors together.
09:07It reminds me of my personality.
09:09A little all over the place?
09:11Yep.
09:11A little all over the place.
09:12A little bit of everything.
09:13A little bit of everything.
09:13Okay.
09:14Oh my God, this is making me really happy.
09:16Yay.
09:16Until it comes back $9,000.
09:20It is so thrilling and fun to see my vision come to life and it be like the perfect size.
09:27Like it's not too big.
09:29It's not too overwhelming.
09:30Do you like it?
09:32Mm-hmm.
09:33It's a lot.
09:34There's a lot in there.
09:36I just start seeing dollar signs everywhere.
09:41Okay, there you go.
09:43Those are all the flowers that you picked out.
09:46Oh, I love that.
09:47Yeah.
09:47How much would this cost?
09:49So I'm going to count up all the stems that we added in there and then I can get a number on that.
09:53Okay, sweet.
09:58I didn't know you spoke French.
09:59Neither did I until I started taking it.
10:03So with the container here and the greenery design.
10:07If I had to give a rough estimate, I would probably say it's going to cost anywhere between $7,000 and $11,000 for the amount of flowers that Vaylin is thinking of.
10:23I've always had anxiety about flying.
10:33I'm like nervous for him now too because I'm like, can you hold it together for her?
10:38I don't know how he's going to react if they're in line and she's saying things.
10:43I got a gun.
10:43I got a bomb.
10:44Do you think you can sit this?
10:46Dick.
10:47While I get your stuff situated?
10:49Need her ID.
10:50Take a dick, moron.
10:52Shut up, bitch.
10:53How much would this cost?
11:03So I'm going to count up all the stems that we added in there and then I can get a number on that.
11:08In God's name, amen.
11:11I'm pretty nervous to hear the price tag on this.
11:14I don't want to have to cut back on what I love and the flowers and the colors.
11:19So I'm really hoping that whatever I've put together, whatever she's put together, fits into our budget.
11:26So centerpieces can cost you anywhere from $100 up to $1,000, depending on the flowers that you are using.
11:32With the container here and the greenery designed, probably looking at around $100.
11:40Oh, okay.
11:43That's actually really good.
11:47Sorry.
11:47The name Balin and the word saving money doesn't really go together a whole lot in the same sentence.
11:57So it's surprising to hear that this flower arrangement actually fits into our budget.
12:04I mean, it actually gives me some hope.
12:07For this wildflower look, it's kind of nice because you do get all of those more delicate florals in there.
12:14I am thrilled that what I've wanted this entire time has fit into our budget.
12:21I don't really have expensive taste.
12:23I just like colors.
12:25It's been an experience.
12:26Yeah.
12:27This way.
12:27Yeah, there you go.
12:28Oh, so pretty.
12:30So that's all I was interested in was which colors do I like the best, not which flowers do I like the best.
12:37Okay, guys.
12:38So, um, great job today.
12:40I think you guys, um, really nailed it.
12:43Um, and Trisha.
12:44Nailed it!
12:46And...
12:46Need a bag of chips!
12:47Next up, we've got more work to do, Chris, right?
12:51Sure do.
12:52We've picked out centerpiece florals.
12:54We've picked out UK florals.
12:55That's yours.
12:56So, next step will be to design your wedding in terms of what you want to see at your ceremony.
13:02So, based how about all the information that we found out today with the florals,
13:07are we still going to still have to, like, raise our budget or cut things or...
13:12We're going to have to see.
13:13We still have to go back and check out all of our other vendors and see what we can fit into this budget
13:18and see what kind of rates we can get and magic we can pull together.
13:22All right.
13:23Okay.
13:24While we're relieved that Bayland's floral taste comes in at a less expensive line of florals,
13:31and that's great, what remains to be seen is the entire scope of the wedding.
13:37Now, they've committed to a venue that is a little more money than what we typically recommend,
13:42and it doesn't include catering.
13:44So, now we have to go find catering and all of the other vendors.
13:49We have to build the entire design plan for the rest of the wedding,
13:51and stationary, rentals, linens, forks, knives, everything.
13:58So, all of those things will add up, and so we're going to have to be cognizant of it
14:02as we move on throughout the planning process.
14:05Colin, pretend you're my dad right now and you're walking down the aisle.
14:07I'm just kidding.
14:08I knew going in there are probably going to be a few items that we're going to have to cut,
14:29or that we're going to have to like downsize if that makes sense.
14:33I mean, if she does say that, you know, we can't have the wedding venue,
14:38because it doesn't fit in our budget, I mean, that's obviously something that we don't want to hear.
14:42I know, like, in a lot of different ways there's areas to save money,
14:46and I'm down to save money, but in one way I'm not down to save money
14:49by taking the wedding venue off the table. I'm not doing that.
14:52Yeah.
14:53It's pretty devastating to be so far along and then wonder if we need to change our wedding venue or not.
14:58It's kind of not where we want to be. It just adds extra stress.
15:04Like, the budget that we have should be able to have a wedding there.
15:09And if that number is not enough somehow, why not just save the money then and get married legally
15:19at a courthouse? And then you didn't spend any money.
15:22I mean, yeah, but then you have no wedding. I mean, not gonna lie, I would rather have the
15:31wedding in the backyard than go to a courthouse. All right. That's a hot take.
15:38I want a real beautiful dream wedding because a couple of years ago I would have never pictured
15:48myself being with the love of my life or even meet somebody that's willing to love me,
15:55especially with everything that I've been through. So it will definitely be very devastating if Shannon
16:02and Chris can't fit all of our wedding dreams into our budget. All right. Well, first things first,
16:08we need to figure out. Eat a bag of chips. What the? First things first, in Nantucket,
16:15they all wankers. First things first, we really have to focus on getting ready to leave for London.
16:20I'll be honest. I'm pretty excited to go to the UK. I'm like really excited to go to the UK,
16:25but if I get too excited, then my tics are going to get bad. So, you know,
16:28we got to narrow it back down a little bit. And Nantucket, they all wankers.
16:33I've always wanted to go to Europe. I've always wanted to travel. And this is just like my foot
16:38out the door of doing that. Yeah. I mean, I'm really excited too. I've never been to that side
16:43of the world. I'm just really, really blessed. My parents were able to find the money to make this
16:49work for me. My mom has been working at lightning speed to get everything working for us to go to London
16:56by being in contact with these new pulse device people. And I am so excited to finally be able
17:03to try this incredible device that hopefully will help with my tics.
17:08These earrings are fun to play with because they didn't bring any fidgets.
17:12We have to go all the way to the UK to try new pulse because it's not for sale or approved by the US
17:18yet. It's just crazy to think this little device that you can wear, that's non-invasive,
17:24could drastically help and improve my life forever.
17:30Going to the UK. I think we feel real. I've always have had
17:37anxiety about flying. I am perfectly fine in the airport. I can help you navigate through the
17:44airport. When we're in the air. Yeah. Once my feet are not on the ground,
17:49that's when I have a problem. When it's out of your control.
17:53Yes. I hate my life being in someone else's hands. I hate that. That's why I don't like taking
17:59ride shares. If they mess up or if something goes wrong and they don't know how to fix it,
18:05I'm dead because they didn't know how to do their job. I don't like that.
18:08On an international flight over water. You're allowed to have anxiety. You're allowed to,
18:16like, feel the things that you feel. However, I also have anxiety too. So when we're flying together,
18:21I can't really hear, we're all going to die. Like, I can't hear that on the plane. Like,
18:27I won't talk to you the entire time. And then you'll just be sitting there squeezing, like,
18:31the stress balls because that type of stuff gives me more anxiety than anything. And I'm not telling you to,
18:36like, suck it back in and, like, not explain, like, what you're feeling. All I'm saying is that it's
18:41going to be very difficult with two people that have flying anxiety to fly together. That is a
18:45interesting combo. Virgin dick. Okay. Yeehaw.
18:52For the wedding. I think we should maybe ask my parents for some help.
18:57Hey. I don't want to ask them for any kind of money or anything like that. I'd hate
19:08asking other people for money.
19:09Okay.
19:24Here we go.
19:28That should be enough.
19:32Colin, do you think this is enough clothes?
19:36Are you serious, Bailen? We're going there for a week, not a month.
19:42Tomorrow night, we are going to London, England, and I am so excited. However, I have no idea what to
19:49pack for the UK. So I'm going to pack as much as possible. Just saying. It's good to have options.
19:56You're bald, bitch. You're ball-less.
19:59You're a little all over the place, but. I have a nine-inch dildo. Sorry.
20:08All right.
20:09You worried about your tics over there?
20:11Yeah.
20:13Just your, like, British tics that you got, or all of them?
20:16All my tics. I don't know how British people respond to Tourette's.
20:21Americans don't really respond to Tourette's very nicely, so.
20:24There's a lot of tics going to London I'm nervous about, like, my British accent tics.
20:31It just worries me that I'll be in a conversation, and then they're going to think I'm starting to
20:34mock them. Just not knowing how the people in the UK will respond to my tics is very, um, unsettling.
20:42I'm just worried particularly because I could get arrested by calling a bald person bald.
20:48You're not going to get arrested for calling someone bald.
20:51In London, it's now been passed as a law that it is harassment for calling a
20:56bald person bald in a workspace.
20:57Good thing that you're not in a workplace environment.
21:00Yeah.
21:01I learned that it's illegal to call someone bald in a workplace in the UK, like, two days ago.
21:06It actually just randomly popped up on my social media on a random Tuesday,
21:10and I, like, read it, and I immediately, like, started panicking.
21:14And I was like, what do I do?
21:16It was probably God sending me a sign.
21:29Get the suitcases.
21:30Do you have any of your stuff semi-ready or no?
21:38My whole life's unready.
21:40Once we finalized the decision that we would all go to London, I reached out to New Pulse,
21:46and they graciously accepted to meet up with Balin so that she could test out the device.
21:50So my mom is going to come and kind of help us out with the three boys so that we can be present for
21:56Balin's New Pulse appointment.
21:58Oh, this looks British.
22:00Oh, that'll be good, because it's going to be chilly there, I think.
22:03Yeah, it's like a lamb or something.
22:05Yeah.
22:06It's beyond exciting to know we are going there.
22:11She's going to get to try on this device.
22:14It could alter the trajectory of her life, really.
22:16What are you looking forward to the most?
22:19I don't know.
22:20If you want to think about food, then just breads and scones or whatever, little croissants.
22:27I don't know.
22:28Just muffins, biscuits, tea croquets.
22:30I was talking about adventures.
22:31I wasn't talking about food.
22:33We clearly have to eat while we're there.
22:35Yeah, I would hope so.
22:37But I'm really more excited, too, for the boys, for your mom, and I think the more people around,
22:43like, giving Balin some support to go, I think that's a plus.
22:48Traveling in Balin's condition is so unpredictable.
22:51She could get so mentally overstimulated that she's in the fetal position on the floor for
22:58three, four days.
23:00Going with them on this trip allows us and Balin the support system that she needs.
23:06Dingo beret.
23:08She was a ferret.
23:11Colin, do you like this dress?
23:14Yeah, it looks like a wedding dress.
23:17What?
23:19It's not a wedding dress.
23:20It looks like it.
23:22Speaking of, I know both my parents want to be included.
23:26They want to be doing something for the wedding.
23:29I think we should maybe ask my parents for some help.
23:32Build that dildo.
23:44I wouldn't mind asking them for help as far as
23:48maybe asking your dad to build a few things for us.
23:56But I don't want to ask them for any kind of money or anything like that.
24:01I'd hate asking other people for money, you know?
24:07I mean, I know that from things in the past like you and my dad don't really have the best track
24:14record with being buddy-buddy.
24:19But maybe it would help if you guys spend some time together like in London.
24:23It would mean the world to me for my dad and Colin to spend a little bit of time together in London.
24:30In Nantucket, they all wankers!
24:33Colin and I are going to be married and he will eventually become part of the family.
24:37So if Colin wants the relationship to improve with my dad,
24:40both him and my dad need to make that next step in order for the relationship
24:45to get Dick down in Dallas to grow.
24:48Finding out about Colin's anxiety about flying.
24:50Yeah, that was surprising to hear.
24:52It's definitely made me a little...
24:58What makes me happier to be part of this.
24:59Yes.
25:00So Colin's in the Air Force and hearing that he has flight anxiety is a little ironic.
25:07Just think of myself, if I had anxiety about flying, would I join the Air Force?
25:12I don't know. I don't know.
25:14It's just a misconception that everybody in the Air Force enjoys being in the air.
25:19No, but I'm going to bet there's a high probability that the first word
25:22of the job you just signed up for, it says air.
25:27I'm going to bet at some point you're probably going to be in it.
25:30This isn't like an everyday normal flying experience.
25:33Like you're flying a long distance.
25:35Out of the continental United States, you are out of the grasp of all the safety
25:39and comfort zone that you've ever had in your life.
25:41You are now in another country.
25:43I guess I'm slightly concerned that nervous energy pours over onto her
25:47because she can barely handle herself to begin with.
25:50Yeah, I mean, I don't need her fainting.
25:52Like, I'm like nervous for him now too because I'm like, can you hold it together for her?
25:58I don't know how he's going to react if they're in line and she's saying things.
26:02I got a gun, I got a bomb, I got this, or she needs to pause, or hang on, I can't move,
26:08or my arm, like whatever it is.
26:10Is he not only going to be able to do that, there's one thing to be able to do it in your
26:13apartment in your comfort zone, but it's another to be able to do it in an unknown location around
26:18unknown people with like an unknown result.
26:22Yeah.
26:23I think this will be a good test for all of us.
26:29We're here.
26:30You're at the airport already?
26:31How far?
26:32Dick, how far away are you?
26:35Uh, like probably like 20, yeah.
26:42I just really need to get through this as quickly as possible.
26:46Bald bitch.
26:47Take a dick, moron.
26:52The ride chair is going to be here.
27:04No, we are not driving.
27:05This is going to be epic.
27:07We're leaving for London in approximately 30 minutes,
27:11and the process of getting everybody ready is unsurprisingly not the easiest task.
27:19What age can you get a tattoo in London?
27:21You think they do tattoos at 11?
27:23What age can you get a legal tattoo in London?
27:27Oh, I thought it said any.
27:29What is it?
27:29Oh yeah, 18.
27:31If I could get a tattoo in London, I would probably get a cross with Jesus hanging from it,
27:38either on my back, chest, or arm right here.
27:43Okay, dude.
27:44Okay, bro.
27:45Okay, dude.
27:48I mean, you think that we would even take time to get you a tattoo?
27:50I mean, I hate to say it.
27:51You look four, so.
27:52I really hope things are going more smoothly for Balin,
27:56but luckily she doesn't have as long of a drive to the airport.
28:03What kind of food do you think they have in London?
28:05I don't know what kind of food they're going to have over in London.
28:08I mean, it doesn't matter.
28:11The fact that they don't have ranch is the biggest disappointment.
28:15Don't worry, we should have enough.
28:17When I found out that we were going to London,
28:19I started doing some research and found out that,
28:22well, they don't sell ranch dressing over there.
28:24However, ranch is everything to us.
28:26We love ranch.
28:27I mean, you should put the ranch away.
28:28Yeah, it goes with anything.
28:31There's some restaurants here that don't sell ranch,
28:34and we'll go there, and I'm like, I'm never coming back here.
28:36We're not living without the ranch, so I'm going to bring my own.
28:40I'm going to miss you guys.
28:41Lila's going to take good care of y'all, though.
28:45So you want to get back?
28:47I want me so much.
28:48All right, we got to get to the airport.
28:49I know, honky man.
28:51Come here, honky man.
28:55We'll come back.
28:58This is what I'm talking about.
29:00Let me laugh, I know.
29:03Colin's comments are not helpful at all,
29:06especially before we get on a,
29:08I don't even know how long of a flight.
29:10So, sip it.
29:13All right, let's go.
29:17I think we're good.
29:26Hello.
29:27The rideshare driver's bald.
29:29Off to a great start.
29:31Oh, bitch.
29:34Make sure when you get there that we have to go to the counter to get disability assistance.
29:39Okay.
29:40Make sure you don't forget.
29:41I won't forget.
29:42Where?
29:42We'll get you your wheelchair.
29:44When I flew to TechCon last year with my mom, it was a disaster.
29:49I'm very anxious.
29:51I'm going to die.
29:56Little jangles.
29:57We're all going to die.
29:59And that was a domestic flight.
30:00So looking ahead into London and flying there, that's a way bigger flight.
30:05I want to make sure that everything goes smoothly and perfect.
30:09So with disability assistance, an attendant puts me in a wheelchair and they help me navigate the
30:15airport, especially going through airport security, TSA, which I hope helps my anxiety.
30:21I'm glad it's a plane that's going overnight, though.
30:23Because then I get to take my sleep pills and my drowsy pills and not like have it throw off my day,
30:29you know?
30:29I just hope we have an experienced captain.
30:35That's all I hope for.
30:39Babe, I don't need any more anxiety.
30:41You're supposed to be telling me that we're going to be fine.
30:43Hopefully we're going to be fine.
30:47As we get closer, I'm like freaking out and screaming on the inside.
30:51And I know that Alan is always watching me to make sure that I'm taking good care of Balen.
30:56So I really hope that no matter what level of anxiety that I do have,
31:01that I'm able to show her parents and everyone that I'm able to help Balen throughout the airport,
31:07no matter what.
31:10I see the airport. I have a knot in my tummy.
31:14There's a lot of cars here.
31:16Seeing a crowded airport before we even step inside makes my stomach absolutely drop.
31:23Oh my .
31:24Stay with me.
31:26The hardest part is really from the door to the gate because I get a lot of overstimulation from
31:33people, which ends up making my tics a lot worse.
31:36Oh my god.
31:41How are you doing?
31:43I need her passports, ID.
31:44I need a bag of chips.
31:55When I tick around employees or TSA agents, I just feel bad.
31:59Oh, bitch.
32:00I just hope that they don't take offense and understand that I have no control over it.
32:10We're all going to die.
32:11On our account, can you see that we had disability assistance on there?
32:17Okay.
32:19It's such a relief to have Colin there to help me get through the airport.
32:22But my family hasn't arrived yet. And the sooner that I can get in the wheelchair and head to the gate,
32:27the better my tics will be. I have Tourette syndrome, stupid.
32:31They shouldn't be far behind us.
32:33Wait, she's calling me.
32:34Okay.
32:35Hey, Mom.
32:36Hi.
32:37Holy .
32:37Holy goodness.
32:38You answered my call.
32:39Yeah, it's a miracle.
32:41We're here.
32:41Wait, you are?
32:42You're at the airport already?
32:43Oh yeah, we're here.
32:44Okay, what's, what is your idea?
32:47Are you like waiting for us?
32:49Wait, that's what we're trying to figure out.
32:51We don't know how far, dick, how far away are you?
32:55Uh, like probably, like 20, yeah.
33:04Okay, then we're not going to wait for you.
33:06You're not going to wait for us.
33:07Okay, so you're going to start the TSA Cares process without us?
33:11Yeah.
33:12Okay, Colin's cool with lugging all the bags and pushing you and all the things.
33:17Yeah.
33:17Okay.
33:19Just let us know when you're here.
33:20Okay.
33:23Okay, I love you.
33:23I love you, too.
33:24Thanks for answering the phone.
33:26Okay, bye.
33:28Gosh.
33:29I think once we hear that Balin and Colin are going to move on through the airport and
33:33go through security on their own, that's a good sign in a lot of ways.
33:36It builds her confidence.
33:37It builds a sense of, I'm not so terrified to do this.
33:41It's just a process.
33:42And I think she's getting used to it.
33:43So it's reassuring me that these things can be done.
33:49That said, getting Balin through this portion of the airport is difficult.
33:54And anything could happen.
33:58Bold bitch.
33:59Take a dick, moron.
34:00Do you think you can sit this while I get your stuff situated?
34:11Yeah.
34:11Having wheelchair assistance this time makes it so much easier going through the airport
34:17and TSA because I don't have to wait in a line full of people.
34:20Shut up, bitch.
34:21And I didn't take anything that was offensive or embarrassing, so I'll take it.
34:28That's a huge relief.
34:30Huge.
34:33There they are.
34:33How was it going through security?
34:41It was honestly fine.
34:45I still have some anxiety about flying, but I'm excited to get there.
34:51I'm most excited for New Pulse.
34:53What are you most excited for?
34:54Dick!
34:54Uh, actually, I'm most excited for, um, landing.
35:02Being alive.
35:03Oh, my God, Colin.
35:04Being in the moment.
35:05Oh, my God.
35:06It's Colin 2.0.
35:12We can go ahead and pre-board.
35:14Right now?
35:1442.
35:15Okay, 42, though.
35:16We can pre-board.
35:17We can pre-board.
35:18We can pre-board.
35:19She's going to pre-board.
35:20Does she have her ticket?
35:21You have your ticket and everything?
35:22Okay.
35:22As we're walking the terminal to get onto the plane, my legs are locking up.
35:48Mm-hmm.
35:51Okay.
35:52This is one of my worst fears.
35:55We have to get all the way to row 75, and my legs won't stop locking up.
35:59And the only thing I keep thinking about is I have 100 people behind me, and I can't move.
36:06There's a lot of seats.
36:07Is there anyone behind us?
36:08Yep.
36:08Because my legs are locked.
36:09Yep.
36:12We got a long way to go, Balan.
36:19Holy crap.
36:20There's a lot of seats.
36:22Is there anyone behind us?
36:23Yep.
36:23Because my legs are locked.
36:24Yep.
36:25Yep.
36:26We got a long way to go, Balan.
36:27I board first for this reason, Balan.
36:30Don't feel embarrassed.
36:33Pre-boarding definitely helps me avoid being in a crowded area.
36:37But now that I'm on this plane, this giant plane, I have a new level of anxiety.
36:44All these people are about to be sitting around me for eight hours.
36:51Hello.
36:53Hello.
36:5375.
36:54Good day, Jacob.
36:56Okay.
36:57We're right here.
37:00Sick.
37:00Who knows what lies ahead with Colin's anxiety and my tics.
37:05I have Tourette syndrome, stupid.
37:07You okay?
37:10You sweating?
37:12Yeah, there's no air.
37:13Are you okay?
37:14No, he's going to sit over there with you guys.
37:18I love this airline.
37:20Balan and Colin have made it to their seats without any major disasters.
37:24But this is also just the beginning of the trip.
37:28What is this?
37:29I believe it's a safety car, ma'am.
37:32Please have a good look at your safety car before we depart.
37:34And if you have any questions, just ask your cabin crew.
37:37I hate how we entered in on the top floor because I wasn't able to see the pilots.
37:44You need to meet the pilots, too?
37:46I just need to see what they look like.
37:48I can't have a 19-year-old flying this thing.
37:50Imagine if our lives are in a 19-year-old's hands.
37:54I don't really want to think about that.
37:56Lightning.
37:57You guys good?
37:58Colin, you fidgety?
37:59You all right?
38:00Yeah.
38:01It's extremely difficult not to worry when you see
38:05Colin's anxiety overflow into affecting Balan.
38:09I want to make myself dizzy.
38:14Oh, now we're moving.
38:15I feel it.
38:16Yeah, me too.
38:18There we go.
38:19Now we can see you.
38:22There we go.
38:26It's so weird taking off during the night.
38:29There's a lot of people that I know that are frequent flyers and
38:33they just don't really care.
38:37I'm not that person.
38:39Thank you, Calvin.
38:39Can you please take your seats for takeoff?
38:42Take your dick off.
38:46Is there a way to see statistics?
38:54Time to go to sleep.
38:56Go to bed, babe.
38:58Why is there a cop next to our plane?
39:01Take a dick.
39:18Babe, I have to shake my leg and your foot is rubbing against my leg.
39:23I am extremely concerned for Colin.
39:29It's definitely worrisome to watch anybody go through that and to know that they're sitting
39:33with my daughter.
39:34It's going to be a long eight hours on that airplane.
39:37It's cold.
39:45How old?
39:45Huh?
39:47He's going to pass out.
39:47When the plane's taking off, all I'm doing in my head is just praying.
39:56It's about all you can do because your life is in someone else's hands.
40:00And that is my absolute least favorite thing.
40:03Like, this thing can literally go down in the ocean and no one is going to find us and you'll die.
40:09Like, we're the Titanic in the air, though.
40:12Like, that's what I'm thinking.
40:17Oh, whoa, whoa.
40:31Press open.
40:32Back nerve.
40:32Keep pressing it.
40:33Keep pressing it.
40:34Mom, what do you think I'm doing?
40:36Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the London Hop On, Hop Off bus tour.
40:41Next stop, Piccadilly Circus.
40:43Pick a dick, bitch.
40:45Bald bitch.
40:46There's a lot of bald people in the UK.
40:49We don't have the monopoly on bald people, you know that.
40:52I've never really noticed that many bald people until today.
40:55They are everywhere.
40:56They live amongst us.
40:58Spotted dick.
40:59Dick!
41:00Oh, really?
41:00There's a guy over there in the corner laughing at me.
41:03It's really hard to not pay attention to the man staring at me and laughing.
41:06There's no quick shot to fix it, but your mind still takes you back to this hope of the new
41:12pulse.
41:13As a parent, I'm just hoping that this device gives her some hope that there is something
41:20better to look forward to because she needs it.
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