Palm Royale - Season 2 Episode 07- Maxine Plays Dead
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02:01Tomorrow, we bury Maxine.
02:04May she find the peace that eluded her in life.
02:07Hide me, oh spirit.
02:09Why have you abandoned me in my hour of need?
02:13I'm a hostage in my own home.
02:16Until her killer, Norma Delacorte, is brought to justice.
02:20You're out of cereal.
02:21May justice be done for the sake of Maxine's memory and our safety.
02:28Dinah, what on earth are you doing here?
02:37Identifying the body.
02:40Douglas can't bring himself to do it.
02:43You?
02:44Was Maxine's conservator.
02:45It's fallen to me to sign her out.
02:48One last time.
02:50So selfless of you.
02:52It's almost as selfless as throwing a funeral.
02:55A dead socialite and a fool.
02:56Tragedy rubberneckers from Orlando to Oka Humka will come just to say they were there.
03:00It's just what the Palm Royale needs to stay afloat after finding Maxine afloat.
03:13Will you please go in there with me?
03:19Ladies.
03:22Anne, what are you doing here?
03:23Maxine was my friend, but I'm just here as a member of the press to verify the identification.
03:34At least that's what I'm telling myself.
03:38How's that working for you?
03:42No comment.
03:45Stop eating.
03:48I'm grief-ting.
03:51Grief-ting?
03:52Grief-eating.
03:54For Mirabelle.
03:56And for me.
03:57I'm grieved him for two.
03:59Douglas must be devastated.
04:00Stop talking about Douglas, Maxine.
04:02I wouldn't expect you to understand.
04:03You always take her side anyway.
04:04Because Norma didn't kill Mirabelle thinking it was you.
04:07At least Douglas didn't try to poison or drown me like your sweet Norma.
04:10The way Douglas treats you, that's not love.
04:13Tom did to me what Douglas did to you.
04:15Oof.
04:15Tom is.
04:16The only difference is you can't get pregnant, Mitzi.
04:22Hey, Virginia said we can't leave.
04:29I know what that means.
04:31I've all seen dead bodies before.
04:37I haven't seen it dead body.
04:39Oh, oh, oh.
04:40Oh, God, it's gaslighting.
04:42Oh, what's that smell?
04:44Oh, God.
04:45It's all this.
04:46I don't like that.
04:47Um, we've got to turn around?
04:49We must.
04:50Okay, on the count of three.
04:52Okay.
04:52One, two, three.
04:58What does she look like?
04:59No.
04:59Did you look?
05:00Didn't do it.
05:01I can't.
05:01Oh, God, I can't do this.
05:02Oh, God.
05:03Is this necessary?
05:04Do we have to?
05:05You have to.
05:06Okay.
05:07One, two, three.
05:11Three, three point five, four.
05:20That's not Maxine.
05:21That is not her.
05:22What?
05:22No, that's not her.
05:23I'm not sure who this is, but this is not our friend.
05:26Are you sure?
05:27Good luck with the, uh, Gina.
05:29I'm coming.
05:30The woman died.
05:32Round them up, sequester them somewhere safe, and make sure no one else sees this body.
05:36No one.
05:39Yes, ma'am.
05:41Hey, Mama.
05:48What are you doing sneaking around up there?
05:52They got some good burgers here, right?
05:54Those weren't for me.
05:55I, I, I'm staying with the, uh, attractive but brooding gentlemen.
05:59What are you two doing squirreled away up there?
06:02No one's supposed to see me.
06:03I'm dead.
06:05I'm sorry, mister.
06:06My friends call me Bruce, and your secret's safe with me, miss.
06:10Maxine.
06:11Um, just Maxine.
06:15Oh.
06:16My.
06:17God.
06:18Are you the dead socialite with the funeral tomorrow?
06:21Maxine Delacour?
06:22You know who I am?
06:23Oh, this is bad.
06:26Oh, this is so beyond bad.
06:28This is, this is a tragedy.
06:29This is Carmen.
06:31I, I really can't have another person crying over me.
06:33No, I'm not.
06:34A very close friend of mine from out of town is supposed to attend your funeral tomorrow,
06:39but if you're alive, then, well, I guess he's not coming to Palm Beach after all.
06:43I'm not supposed to tell you this, but great news.
06:50The funeral's actually still on.
06:53You better get down here to this hot tub right now.
06:57Come to the tub.
06:59Oh.
07:00Come to the tub.
07:02Come on.
07:02Come to the tub.
07:04Come to the tub.
07:06Come to the tub.
07:08Come to the tub.
07:09She's coming!
07:10She's coming!
07:11She's coming!
07:12She's coming!
07:13I'm coming!
07:14I'm coming!
07:15Come on down there!
07:16Mama!
07:17Let's go!
07:18She's coming!
07:19She's coming!
07:20She's coming!
07:21I'm coming!
07:22I'm coming!
07:23I'm coming!
07:24Come on down there!
07:25Mama!
07:26Let's go!
07:27I don't want to do this.
07:28The funeral, the big wedding, the constant public humiliation.
07:32Promise me, once the baby is born, I won't have to jump through any more hoops or loops
07:37or ex-wife funerals.
07:39I promise.
07:40We just have to fly to Switzerland first.
07:43Why are we flying to Switzerland?
07:45To s-so, uh, the baby trust with the bank.
07:48It's a paperwork thing.
07:50I'm sorry, I should have told you earlier.
07:53Dinah!
07:54Norba, send another note!
07:59Where's Dinah?
08:00She went to the morgue.
08:01Not if I can help it.
08:02The literal morgue, Perry.
08:04She just went there to identify Max's body for me.
08:06I'm coming for you.
08:09I'll see you at the funeral.
08:11I shouldn't have let her go in my place.
08:13I'll find Dinah before Norma does.
08:15Yeah, I'll come with you.
08:16Okay?
08:17Fuck, I gotta get changed first.
08:18Do not leave me here alone, Douglas!
08:20You're carrying the Delacorte air.
08:22Norma would never hurt you.
08:26I found out I had a twin sister, and her name is Mirabelle.
08:29And this woman Norma, who was my husband's ex-husband's aunt, she tried to kill me thinking it was me, but she ended up killing Mirabelle.
08:36I love you!
08:37You're the most fascinating woman I've ever met!
08:39You're like Doris Dave, she wasn't such a big jerk.
08:42Thank you!
08:43I told ex-lovers of mine they're gonna miss me when I'm gone, but you?
08:46If you actually get to see your ex-husband missing you, you get to hear the tears, see the rending of garments.
08:52Shoot, I'm not gonna be able to see any of that!
08:54Well, Maxine, I do have a call.
08:58I wish I really would love to see him cry.
09:01So we just become best friends that are about to spy on our men?
09:05I think so!
09:06Let's go!
09:07Maxine, everybody!
09:18Excuse me.
09:19I need to speak to Agent Trainee Tom Sanka about the murder of Maxine Delacorte.
09:23Tom Sanka no longer works here.
09:25What?
09:26Why does the FBI care nothing about the endangered wives of Palm Beach?
09:30Robert?
09:31Why would Norma Delacorte want to kill your wife?
09:33Because Norma knows that Dinah knows that Norma killed Axel Rosenhan.
09:37I can't believe that she's gone.
09:40This is so fucked, man.
09:42This is so true, brother.
09:44So true.
09:47My wife, a potential future First Lady of Palm Beach,
09:51is receiving death threats from the same killer who put this sad sex ex-wife in the morgue across town.
09:57And?
09:58And we allowed my wife to identify the dead body of his ex-wife.
10:03And now my wife is in danger.
10:05If you don't hear from her in 24 hours, you can come back here and report her missing.
10:10Look at him.
10:11Look at him.
10:13Look at him.
10:14The sad husk of a human.
10:16The morgue told us that no one could see his ex-wife on the orders of the FBI.
10:21No one else sees her until the funeral.
10:23You're gonna keep her on ice?
10:25When I know best what her wishes were?
10:29Shame on you.
10:34It's a doozy, Doug Boat.
10:36No doubt about it.
10:37A doozy.
10:39Maxine wouldn't want to be on display like some ornamental fern.
10:42She always said that if she went first, she'd want her ashes to be scattered in the wind from my bi-play.
10:53Hey, uh, do you need a hug?
10:59Yeah.
11:01Oh.
11:05That's it.
11:09Sorry.
11:10Don't worry about that.
11:15I just want to be able to honor her.
11:19Honor her in a way that I couldn't in life.
11:23I gotta get back to Mitzi.
11:26Let me drive you.
11:27Oh, thanks, man.
11:28I'm gonna walk.
11:40Gosh, I really hope I didn't miss Douglas.
11:47I want to see him wail.
11:49Listen, who is the mystery man coming to my funeral?
11:55This is not a Japanese decorative pond.
11:57Do not be coy.
11:58I can't.
11:59He's well known.
12:00Oh.
12:01Famous.
12:02Oh.
12:04Okay.
12:05Well, you can tell me.
12:06I'm dead, remember?
12:07Oh, please, just give me a hand.
12:08Okay, just a hand.
12:09Okay.
12:10Okay.
12:11A boulder plus a body of water in New York.
12:21No?
12:22No.
12:23Okay, um, Doris Day's best friend.
12:30Tony Randall.
12:31No, but he's around.
12:34Okay.
12:35It rhymes with Sock Sudson.
12:40Rock.
12:42Rock Hudson's coming to my funeral.
12:43Shh, stop.
12:44He'd be ruined if it got out.
12:45Oh, my gosh.
12:46Oh, that's so exciting.
12:47Yes.
12:49Oh, my God.
12:50I swear to God, it's like a fairy tale.
12:51Oh, my goodness.
12:52And then I never know if it's real.
12:53The other guys think I beat him up.
12:55If it's real to you, then who cares what the world thinks?
12:57It doesn't matter if he's a movie star or, well, an ex-husband.
13:03Yeah, back to you.
13:04Why, if he's your ex-husband, do you keep coming back?
13:10Do you promise he won't judge me or tell me to let it go
13:13or make me list all of his transgressions in detail?
13:15Who do you think I am?
13:18Okay.
13:22You can't go back to a man you never left.
13:24And Mirabel, the twin sister I just found out I had,
13:29I told her the big secret that Douglas was the only man
13:32that no one ever loved.
13:33And then he confessed to her his love for her,
13:36which she thought was me.
13:37And then Mirabel died.
13:39I know it's a lot to process.
13:41Yeah.
13:42You haven't had time to grieve your sister or your marriage.
13:47You are very wise.
13:49We're a wise people.
13:50Yes.
13:51Speaking of grieving.
13:57Is that the new one?
13:59Gosh, yes.
14:00You hate to see a sheep girl cry.
14:03Here.
14:07Stop!
14:08What are you doing?
14:09I can't watch someone cry, even if it's her.
14:11That was the whole point.
14:12We came to watch people cry.
14:14I have done everything you told me to.
14:20But I can't do it anymore.
14:24You said no one would get hurt.
14:33What happened?
14:34She found it.
14:35She found it.
14:52Is Agent Sanka here?
14:54Tom left.
14:55Robert.
14:56I am so sorry.
15:01I would never do anything to hurt him.
15:03And if I'd known he'd lose his job, I would...
15:06He didn't.
15:08J. Edgar Hoover himself has taken an interest.
15:10A transfer was offered, and I insisted he take it.
15:13Before something bad could happen.
15:16Again.
15:17I don't know what rules you live by in Palm Beach.
15:23But some things are hard for you.
15:26Including my husband.
15:29We have children together.
15:32Do you know what that's like?
15:36Of course you don't.
15:40Can you tell him I said goodbye?
15:42Please.
15:44Yes.
15:45I can.
15:48But I won't.
16:00Do you think she's okay?
16:02What about the baby?
16:03You think the baby's okay?
16:04She's the Kimbo on the wall-to-wall.
16:05This is how I spent my 20s.
16:06She's fine.
16:07Let's get her to the bed.
16:08You get heads, I'll get tails.
16:09Yeah.
16:10Try to keep her hair nice.
16:11Okay.
16:12From the knees.
16:14Okay.
16:15One.
16:16Step.
16:17Two.
16:18Three.
16:19Alley-oop.
16:20Protect the head.
16:21Okay.
16:22Okay.
16:23Gorgeous.
16:26Really scared her, didn't I?
16:27You are literally haunting the woman who stole your husband.
16:30Golly.
16:31That is sweet revenge.
16:33Mm-hmm.
16:34Should we let her stew in it a bit longer?
16:36Yeah, let's go back to the hot tub and do some old-fashioned gloating.
16:40Okay.
16:41Sleep down, Lindsay.
16:42I actually used to think minestrone was boring, but I don't think that anymore.
16:47I used to feel that way about chowder.
16:49Oh my gosh!
16:50Soup sisters!
16:51Soup sisters!
16:52Ah!
16:53What in the literal fuck have you been?
16:55Oh, um, I went to see Douglas, just to soothe his grief over my alleged death.
17:01But don't worry, he did not see me.
17:03I admit he did, and she thinks Maxine's a ghost.
17:05Who are you?
17:06Oh, sorry, Manners.
17:08This is Bruce, my new best friend.
17:10He's gay.
17:11Maybe don't tell people that.
17:12Oh, I'm sorry.
17:13Okay, look.
17:14One or two things are gonna happen.
17:15Either you stay dead and we catch Norma, or the next funeral in Palm Beach will actually
17:19be yours.
17:20Nobody else can see you.
17:22There's only so many women this gay hotel can hold.
17:25There's other women here?
17:28Nothing Norma could inflict on us would be worse than this room.
17:31I do like the bedspread.
17:32Not after you read the comments in the guest book.
17:35Hmm.
17:36Hmm.
17:39I'll sleep in the bathtub.
17:41You might want to rethink that.
17:46Maxine?
17:47I'm so glad you're alive.
17:49Now I can kill you myself.
17:51I will explain everything to you and answer all of your questions.
17:55Can we do it downstairs?
17:56In the Jacuzzi?
17:58See my new gay best friend Bruce?
18:00He's invited us all to a pool party.
18:02Jacuzzi mixer, he called it.
18:03The guest book calls it egg drop soup.
18:06Virginia said, nobody can see us.
18:08We can't go cavorting in a Jacuzzi.
18:10I am a target, Maxine.
18:12These men are very discreet.
18:13Why would we go to a gay party with you?
18:16Because in the wake of tragedy, the only thing we have is community.
18:20And there are no mini bars and they have tons of booze.
18:25Now you're talking.
18:27I should have led with that.
18:29That's all I'm gonna write about this, but...
18:31Ooh, white hankie.
18:32That means they just like to watch and stroke it together.
18:35Oh.
18:36Do you ever stroke it?
18:37Oh.
18:38Do you ever stroke it?
18:40Huh.
18:41I have.
18:42Not my favorite thing to do.
18:44It's more attitude that makes a bear a bear and their general interest in nipples.
18:49I panic every time and I just can't do it.
18:52And I feel like I'm broken.
18:55You just have to relax.
18:58And learn how to relax into your breathing.
19:04Do you have access to a bidet?
19:05Wait.
19:07Do you and your husband?
19:08Perry says it reminds him of boarding school.
19:11Oh, hey, no, we're not all sex-crazed perverts.
19:13That would be the pace.
19:15I see.
19:16And what kind of a man would a whale be?
19:22I'm a blower.
19:24I love that light blue.
19:26Light blue, left pocket.
19:27This is stunning.
19:28Do you know that I was the inspiration for the roommate in the bell jar?
19:32Oh, gosh, I just love all your pals.
19:34Come on.
19:35Thanks for including us and making us feel welcome.
19:37Well, it's not totally selfless.
19:39Cops won't raid a party with women.
19:42Hmm.
19:43What are you doing?
19:44Out here looking folks in the eyes telling people about your own funeral.
19:47Bruce invited us all to a party.
19:48Oh, everyone, this is Virginia.
19:50She's a federal agent.
19:53Ladies, do you mind joining me for a private chat?
19:57This woman is like the plague.
19:59Oh, God.
20:00Get rid of her.
20:01Get rid of her.
20:04Thanks.
20:07Ladies, nothing can go wrong tomorrow.
20:10Evelyn, you're in charge of the funeral while Dinah will sit in the pew and wait.
20:14For what?
20:15For Norma to kill me?
20:17Will I at least get a security detail or a bulletproof vest?
20:21Discretion is key.
20:22Y'all can't tell nobody about this thing.
20:24Not even your husbands.
20:25Great.
20:26And then you and I will be in the balcony together.
20:28Well, we'll, you know, surveil the premises.
20:31I think it's best for you to attend the services and provide credibility as press.
20:36But this was our case.
20:37We were working it together.
20:38You know, it's the FBI's case now.
20:41I got complete buy-in for once.
20:45Your staff is to proceed as instructed.
20:47May I point out that, like Dinah, there is zero upside in my participation here.
20:53And what about me?
20:54What's my role?
20:55Your sister is playing your role.
20:57I have to go to my own funeral.
20:58I need to see Norma's capture.
20:59I must be there.
21:00I'll see you all tomorrow, except Maxine.
21:08Oh, well, look who it is.
21:13Boys, boys, I have a question for you.
21:16If your best friend was almost killed by an old lady,
21:19and that same old lady accidentally killed her twin sister instead,
21:24whose side would you be on, huh?
21:25Your best friends or the mean old ladies?
21:30Yours!
21:31Thank you, Bruce.
21:32See?
21:33I saw Douglas.
21:34He's not taking your death well.
21:36Even I feel bad for him.
21:38But don't let us spoil your fun with your new friends.
22:06Yeah!
22:07It's the funniest thing I've ever heard from a male friend.
22:23What in the world?
22:33Excuse me, you're not allowed in here.
22:35You can't take those.
22:36What do you...
22:37What to put those down?
22:40Hello?
22:42Virginia, get your officers out of my office.
22:45It's out of my jurisdiction.
22:46What's that saying about death and taxes?
22:48Not even the FBI can stop a federal audit.
22:50Taxes?
22:51You mean...
22:52I told you and Maxine to let me handle Pinky.
22:54But no, you had to call the IRS.
22:56They showed up last night.
22:57Where were you?
22:58You never came to bed.
23:00Well...
23:00Late night funeral prep.
23:04This is the biggest event of the season.
23:06Insomnia.
23:07I thought this might help, ma'am.
23:10With your grief and the IRS.
23:13Jed, thank you.
23:14You don't ask how to help.
23:15You just do it.
23:17I like that.
23:17Oh.
23:18Why don't you go clean the pool, Jed?
23:22Actually, I'm gonna need Jed on door duty.
23:25This is still an active murder scene, so...
23:27We're gonna need extra security.
23:29Ma'am, we have a major problem.
23:32It's hard enough grieving my sister.
23:34I've only known for as long as I've known you.
23:37But...
23:37The event of the off-season.
23:39In my honor, and I can't even go.
23:41You have to report back to me in full detail.
23:44Preferably written.
23:45I'm not going.
23:48What?
23:49We both can't not go.
23:51Rock sent a note.
23:53Too much publicity.
23:54A rendezvous rescheduled.
23:56He said he'd call after, but...
23:59Not getting my hopes up.
24:00If you want to make a man hear you,
24:02you've got to make a man see you.
24:03Some advice?
24:04Don't take her advice.
24:06Especially if it's about men.
24:07And where are you off to with that fancy suitcase?
24:09I'm going to your fake funeral
24:10to give a fake eulogy as a fake American hero.
24:13I hear you.
24:14Fake.
24:15But what's with the bag?
24:15Well, I'm taking this Norma
24:17just in case she gets arrested.
24:18You know what it's like, Maxine,
24:19to be stripped from your dignity,
24:21tossed in a cell and stuffed into a paper gown?
24:26Well, at least I didn't kill my sister!
24:30That middle finger again.
24:31Ugh!
24:32Let's blow this joint.
24:39Oh, you are very good at this, Bruce.
24:42You should have seen me outside
24:43the Ice Station Zebra premiere.
24:45Oh.
24:45By the way, look at that one.
24:46She's devastated.
24:48Oh.
24:49Yeah, her plastic surgeon.
24:50He's a heavy drinker.
24:51I always say if she sneezes,
24:53she might look like a basset hound.
24:56Careful.
24:57Oh.
24:59Look who just zipped up on his Vespa.
25:01Ugh.
25:03Oh, my God.
25:05It's him.
25:05Who?
25:06My Rock.
25:08Oh.
25:09Oh.
25:10And he's with Ray Dredd.
25:13The governor of California?
25:15No.
25:17His wife.
25:18She's Rock's best Judy.
25:20I think her name's Nancy.
25:23You have a lot to learn.
25:25Nancy learned a lot from me, too.
25:26She can fit a golf ball through a garden hose now,
25:28thanks to me.
25:32Oh, gosh.
25:33Mira Bell's in there.
25:34And I'm sitting here talking about movie stars and golf balls.
25:38I need to give her a proper goodbye.
25:40I'm going in.
25:41Maxine, you'll never get in through the front door.
25:44There's one thing I know how to do.
25:45It's sneak into the Pomeroyal.
25:49And you are still invited to my funeral.
25:51You'll never let me in dressed like this.
25:53Wish me luck.
25:54Good luck, Maxine.
25:56Promise me you'll make him see you.
25:57Oh.
25:57Oh.
25:57Oh.
25:57Oh.
25:57Oh.
25:57Oh.
25:57Oh.
25:57Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:58Oh.
25:59Oh.
26:04Oh.
26:26Oh.
26:27Oh, Mirabelle.
26:27I just had to see you one more time
26:33I'm going to assume your head's over here
26:38You know, I've always wanted a family of my very own
26:52And I just want you to know
26:53I cherished every second
26:57We had together
26:57I'm going to miss you, my little buttercup
27:02Where in Hell's Bell's is Mirabelle?
27:21Cheesy crazy
27:22I can't believe we're going through with this shit
27:26Everyone out there believes Maxine's in that casket
27:29When she's actually in a hot tub with her new gay best friend
27:32If it makes you feel any better, there's nobody in the coffin
27:35I can't go
27:38The whole town thinks I'm the one who killed Maxine
27:41We all know that Norma's the one who killed her
27:44They think I killed her spirit
27:47That's why she's haunting me
27:49That's just your guilty conscience playing tricks on you, it'll pass
27:52She was at our back door, I'm telling you
27:55I can't go to the funeral and see her body
27:59I may never see my wife again, but here's yours
28:04What is this?
28:05Maxine
28:06As per the grieving wishes of you, my stag brother
28:14Let's get her away
28:15Apparently Perry Donahue went down to the morgue and threw a temper tantrum until they agreed to cremate the body
28:20This town is so fucked up
28:23And you know who the most fucked up of them all is?
28:26Maxine
28:28I can't believe I have to eulogize someone that I actually want to kill
28:31Just get through today
28:33Norma is in Palm Beach
28:35You know she won't be able to stay away
28:38I appreciate your persistence, Mirabelle
28:46Whoever you are
28:48But until I find my bootlegger, I won't be delivering any messages today
28:53You'll be delivering a message, Mary
28:56I know
28:57As soon as the processional starts, I make my move and then you...
29:00Don't worry about me
29:03You do your part and I'll take care of the rest
29:07And once that's done, I'll be free?
29:11We'll all be free
29:13Come on, Norma
29:15Show yourself
29:23Rock Hudson
29:24He's even cuter up close
29:26Now as soon as the ceremony is underway, I want you to head out back and start scrubbing
29:29Nobody's gonna want to swim in a pool with pieces of Maxine's decomposing body floating about
29:34Right away, ma'am
29:35Hey, hey
29:38Do you want to talk?
29:39No, I do not want to talk
29:41I want Jed to clean the rotting flesh out of the pool
29:45Oh, gosh
29:46Happy Rockefeller
29:50And as I live and breathe, Babe Paley
29:52Oh
29:55Excuse me
29:59Excuse me
30:04Diana
30:04I thought you were a goner
30:06And...
30:07Perry, not now
30:08Not now
30:08Not now
30:09Norma could be anywhere
30:10I don't want to draw attention to myself
30:11You have no idea
30:12I've been through it
30:14Now Maxine is gone
30:15Get your shit together, Perry
30:16Gee, Perry
30:17Didn't think we knew each other that well
30:19Are you wearing a bulletproof vest?
30:22Two
30:23I took yours when I thought you weren't
30:24Come here
30:25Give it to me right now
30:25Give it to me
30:26Give it to me
30:26Give it to me
30:27Give it to you right now
30:27You don't have the balls
30:29To protect me
30:30I
30:31Am just gonna have to protect myself
30:33Where are you going?
30:34The only place a woman can truly feel safe in this world
30:39The ladies room
30:42Thank you very much
30:44Excuse me
30:50See?
30:51They're all looking at me
30:53And so is Maxine
30:56She's following me
30:58And she's right too
30:59I've been terrible to her
31:01I promise you
31:02Maxine is on the counter where we left her
31:04No, she's not
31:08She's right there
31:09If she's in there, then whose ashes do we have?
31:12Someone's in the kitchen at Dinah's
31:13I am so sorry
31:15There must have been a mix-up with the cremains
31:17But I can assure you there's no one in that coffin
31:21See, Mitz? It's all fine
31:22Come on
31:26Welcome, friends
31:29I can hardly believe this is happening
31:31It all feels so
31:33Terribly unreal
31:35I can't help but feel somehow that Maxine's just gonna
31:39Turn up one day
31:41And yet here we are
31:43Saying our final farewell to Maxine
31:48Who knows what her last name is now
31:51Maxine came to us as an outsider
31:54But she
31:56Worked
31:57And wormed her way into our hearts
32:00And burrowed in like a
32:03Like a barnacle
32:05Clung onto a piece of driftwood and could not be scraped off
32:10Oh, no, no, no
32:11Mary
32:12Mary, stop right there
32:16Mary
32:17Mary, what do you do?
32:18I have a message for Maxine
32:24From the other side
32:26So if you all would just
32:28Give us a moment of privacy
32:32No, no, no
32:32Don't do it, Mary
32:33Mary
32:40No, no, no, no
32:41I just need a minute
32:42I need a minute
32:42What?
32:52What?
32:53The fuck?
32:57Someone
32:58Named
32:59Mirabelle
33:00Came to me
33:02And she says
33:05Don't worry about her
33:07She's having a lot of fun
33:09And she loves you
33:11And I'm not sure what this part means
33:13But she said
33:14There's lots of man rods
33:18In heaven
33:19All right, Mary
33:20That's quite enough in the spirit world for today
33:22Oh
33:23Now we'll continue with the service
33:25Actually
33:26I do have another message to deliver
33:28No, I'll stay dry, Mary
33:32I know what you're all thinking
33:34That I shouldn't even be here
33:36Much less speak
33:38Much less speak
33:40But I'm gonna
33:52Maxine and I were married for 20 years
33:57And I loved her
33:59And Maxine
34:00I just want you to know that I am so sorry for everything that I have done
34:05I don't know if you chose me
34:07Or I chose you
34:09Or if love is just
34:11Something that happens when
34:13Two people choose each other
34:15The same moment
34:17Like a bargain
34:19And that beautiful, fragile bargain
34:22That may only happen once for a person
34:25Could last a lifetime
34:26If both people keep believing in the singularity of that magic
34:34I'm so sorry
34:36I'm so sorry
34:37I'm so sorry
34:38I let you down
34:39Okay
34:40Okay
34:41Okay
34:42Oh, how deeply, maudlin
34:44If anyone else has the urge to express themselves, please have the good sense to repress it
34:56And we will now resume the scheduled eulogy delivered by Maxine's dearest friend, patriot, warrior, American hero, Mr. Robert Diaz.
35:08I don't know about y'all, but I can't bear to look at her.
35:29Oh, no.
35:30If Maxine were here with us today, she would want us to move on with our lives.
35:43Yes.
35:44She wouldn't want us to get stuck in sentimental stories or touching anecdotes.
35:50Oh, I love touching anecdotes.
35:53Maxine, contrary to popular opinion, she was a very private person.
35:58I was.
35:59So I'm going to ask you all to make a sullen pact where we don't talk about Maxine ever again.
36:07Life is too fucking short.
36:14And now, before the Palm Royale waitstaff brings Maxine to her eternal resting place on the ninth hole,
36:24won't you join me in singing Maxine's favorite song honoring her hometown, Chattanooga?
36:34The lyrics are on the backside of your prayer cards.
36:42Hello, railroad.
36:45Is this the railroad?
36:47Hello.
36:48Hold on.
36:48Hello.
36:50Take it down to Tennessee.
36:52I'm leaving to meet you, say.
36:53Chattanooga, here I come.
36:55Pardon me, boys.
36:57You've got Chattanooga choo-choo.
36:59Marjorie Merriweather Post
37:09Pass the mayoral campaign, Dinah
37:13I must admit, it is
37:15A terrifying time to be in politics
37:18Ever since my speech at your square dance
37:20Someone's been threatening to unleash the dogs on us
37:23You are the one that's been sending the threatening letters
37:42But why?
37:46Because you took my dick
37:48I'm sorry
37:50My dick, Richard Milhouse Nixon
37:53My little Ricky
37:54My little Dickie
37:56My little droopy dog cutie pie
37:59Oh, I am so sorry
38:02I didn't realize that you and the president were so close
38:05Of course you didn't
38:05Then to have your hand in Carolina
38:08When you hear the whistle blow and egg to the bar
38:11Then you know the Tennessee is not very far
38:15Shovel all the coal and gun
38:17The only way for a woman to have power in this world
38:19Is to obtain three things
38:21A buttload of money, a buttload of guns
38:24And the ear of the most powerful man in the country
38:27I've been seeing after Dick's needs for decades
38:32I'm the one that always made sure
38:34That his milk was lukewarm and his saltines were cold
38:38Whatever he needed, I provided
38:41How very nurturing of you
38:48I know, I'm a saint
38:50Unfortunately, some little hippie tried to kill him
38:54So now he doesn't want to come to Palm Beach anymore
38:57So I thought I'd sweeten the pot
38:59I offered to donate Mar-a-Lago to the cause of liberty
39:03Use it as his winter White House
39:05And then we could continue to canoodle under the cover of real estate
39:09But now I realize the real reason he didn't want to come around
39:13There wasn't a gun-wielding assassin
39:15It was something far more dangerous
39:18What?
39:19You
39:19Me?
39:19You
39:20With your white teeth
39:22And your tight little tush
39:23I can see
39:35You are upset
39:36How can I make this up to you?
39:40I'll give you one hint
39:41You can crack it
39:42Pour a little milk on it
39:44Add some herbs
39:44But you'll never get an omelet
39:46Axel's Faberge egg
39:48I can assure you
39:52I have looked high and low all over my home
39:57Believe me, we've looked too
39:58You've?
39:59Yes, in your home
40:00With my men
40:01Eating malta meal in your kitchen
40:03Whilst they tore the place apart
40:04And put it all back together again
40:06I feel so violated
40:08Good
40:08And after we searched your home
40:11I now know that Axel had a top secret safety deposit box in Switzerland
40:15It's the only conceivable place that final imperial egg could possibly be
40:21So if I go to Switzerland and get that egg, then we'll be square?
40:26We'll be square
40:26And if I don't get that egg?
40:32I'll kill you
40:32What?
40:34Societally, I mean
40:34I'll tell everyone you're Nixon's whore
40:36But won't that hurt Nixon?
40:38No
40:39People never remember what the man did
40:41Only the woman
40:42You'll have to carry that stench for the rest of your life
40:45Breath!
40:50Egg!
40:50Hello, friend
41:18I have a message for you
41:21From Norma
41:23Go home
41:26Now
41:27Norma
41:48Virginia
41:56Virginia
41:57Ann, I thought I told you to stay down there with the mourners
42:00She just went into the baby's room
42:01Vale, Norma
42:03There
42:04I got eyes on Norma
42:12Suspect is on the premises
42:13Hold your positions
42:15Gotcha
42:28Gotcha
42:33Ah-ha!
42:36Gotcha!
42:51Hey.
42:52Bruce?
42:53Don't shoot!
42:55Please hold your fire!
42:56Put your guns down!
42:58What are you doing?
42:59What you told me to do!
43:04I just want to talk.
43:07I just want to talk to him.
43:09Rock, please.
43:11Rock, don't go.
43:12Whoa! Nancy, you are such an evil bitch!
43:15You listen to me, Rock Hudson.
43:17That woman is not your friend!
43:19She's a mediocre actress, too!
43:21And a superior bitch!
43:23Nancy Reagan is a fair one, you're friends!
43:26Stand down.
43:27Not our target.
43:28Stop!
43:30Stop!
43:31I can explain.
43:33Um, you see, um, I was forced against my will by the...
43:38It's gonna sound crazy.
43:39The federal government, they made me do this and...
43:43Tell them, Virginia!
43:44Tell them!
43:45Thank you so much for coming.
43:48We have open swim tomorrow at 11 a.m.
43:51You wouldn't let me believe that you were dead?
43:59I-I never wanted to...
44:01Just let me live my life in peace.
44:06Douglas!
44:07I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
44:37Oh, you've really let the place go to hell, haven't you?
44:53Roma, the entire town is looking for you.
44:57The FBI is looking for you.
44:59Ditch the turban, ditch the moo-moo.
45:03Nobody's going to pay a little old lady any bite.
45:07I could get away with murder dressed like this.
45:11I should turn you into the police.
45:13But you won't.
45:15We're family, you and I.
45:17What are you doing here?
45:20Darling, I can see it in your face.
45:25This town has become cruel to you,
45:28which is why I've come back to spirit you away.
45:33Don't you realize I've always thought of you
45:36as a son?
45:41Come on, let's blow this popsicle stand.
45:47Yes, Mother.
45:48Mother.
45:48Mrs. Martinez, we have concluded our investigation.
46:08Our final assessment.
46:11Oh, God.
46:14Evelyn?
46:14What's going on?
46:19Well, dead corpse floating in the pool.
46:22FBI sting foiled by a Maxine rising from the dead.
46:25And now, the Palme Royale owes $8 million in back taxes.
46:28So the IRS is shutting us down until we settle.
46:31That's what's going on.
46:32At least you didn't lie to me.
46:33I'm sorry.
46:34I cooperated with the FBI.
46:36My mistake.
46:37I'm sorry.
46:37I took charge of our lives while my husband sat around looking pretty.
46:40That is so unkind.
46:44The Palme Royale is finished.
46:45There's no coming back from this shit parade.
46:47And it's all on me to dig us out of another goddamn hole.
46:51It's all on you because you want it that way.
46:53Because you like it that way.
46:56And how about you stop being so fucking nasty?
46:58How about you tell Jed to get out there and scrub the goddamn pool?
47:01Ay, por favor, arrodillate and clean the goddamn pool yourself.
47:20Where are you going?
47:24Don't talk to me.
47:26What?
47:26What did I do?
47:27Rock left for it at the front desk.
47:30He never wants to see me again.
47:31You did the right thing.
47:35I know you're right.
47:36But I still feel like shit.
47:38So thanks for that.
47:42See you around, maybe.
47:45Okay.
47:46See ya.
47:56Tedless.
47:58Virginia filled me in on what happened.
48:01With Mirabelle.
48:02With Mirabelle.
48:04And I brought you her ashes.
48:06I thought you might want them.
48:09I know you always wanted a family, Max.
48:12I'm just, I'm so sorry.
48:17This is so sweet.
48:20What you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
48:37Judd, these are my private quarters.
48:42You shouldn't be here.
48:43You shouldn't be here.
48:45I was wondering if there was anything you needed.
48:49Did you clean the pool?
48:50Oh, the greatest thing.
48:56Maybe I did.
48:57You will ever learn.
48:59Maybe I didn't.
49:00It's just to love us and be loved in return.
49:06Oh, shit.
49:17Permission to come home.
49:19Permission granted.
49:21And be loved in return.
49:23Oh, oh, oh.
49:25Thanks for bringing me Mirabelle.
49:36It's very graceful of you, considering the circumstances.
49:42Maxine?
50:03Trust me.
50:07She'll be happy in here.
50:12Maxine, I need to ask you something.
50:18I'm going to Switzerland, and I want you to come with me.
50:22Actually, I need you to come with me, to be there in person,
50:27so that you can sign away your claim on the baby trust.
50:31It's just, it's kind of a red tape thing,
50:35because of us having been married.
50:37I'm sorry it's so last minute.
50:41It didn't matter when you were dead,
50:44but now that you're alive.
50:53I heard what you said at the funeral.
51:00That you love me.
51:01And I want you to know that I accept your apology.
51:06And I love you, too.
51:10This has all just gone, it's gone too far.
51:14I've had so many feelings today, and I just,
51:16I need to go home and stop feeling.
51:21Well, did you mean what you said?
51:22Take that as a yes.
51:46I'll go to Switzerland.
51:49Wait, Switzerland?
51:52That's the scene of Norma's first crime.
51:57Max.
52:04You ready for round two?
52:06I'm ready for you to clean the pool.
52:09That'll be all, Jed.
52:12Well, goddamn.
52:13Get back inside your coffin, Maxine.
52:28She's mad at you.
52:29Yeah, I can tell.
52:31You know, they almost fired me today.
52:32And if I was a white man, they probably would have.
52:34The only reason why they're keeping me around
52:35is to trot me out whenever the FBI is accused of being racist.
52:38I'm so sorry.
52:40She's in a very dark place.
52:42Maxine.
52:44Oh.
52:45Hello, Mary.
52:48Virginia.
52:49Now that you are in law enforcement,
52:52I would like to report a missing person.
52:55Oh, yeah?
52:56Who?
52:57Who?
52:57Me.
52:59For three days,
53:03I was being held hostage in my very own home.
53:08What?
53:09By the same murderess that you have been trying to capture,
53:17and no one cared.
53:19No, no one sent up flares for Mary.
53:24Meanwhile,
53:26my bootlegger
53:27is gone.
53:30My one chance
53:32at finding true and lasting passion
53:37evaporated into thin air
53:40as soon as Norma arrived
53:42and took me hostage.
53:45When will I find love?
53:47When?
53:51I...
53:52I don't know.
53:53But can we go back to Norma?
53:55I'm sorry.
53:55She's...
53:56She's at your house?
53:59Was.
54:00She left.
54:01She had me
54:02deliver a message to Robert
54:05saying to go home,
54:06and I did that,
54:08and now I'm free,
54:10no thanks to you,
54:10to go and search
54:12for my bootlegger.
54:14and now I do not need any help
54:24from law enforcement.
54:28The spirit is strong,
54:30and she will guide me.
54:34We gotta get to Mandela Court.
54:43Norma's a genius.
54:47They're gone.
54:49They're both gone.
54:51Both?
54:53Norma and Robert,
54:54don't you see?
54:55While this whole town
54:56was here trying to trap her,
54:57she slipped in
54:59and she took him
55:00where her trail ran cold.
55:02Where she vacations
55:03with Mary in the Alps.
55:04Where she had Robert
55:05send her paintings.
55:07Switzerland!
55:08Switzerland!
55:08Who's rushing
55:20Where angels fear to tread
55:26And so I come to you,
55:31my love
55:33my heart
55:35above my hill
55:38Though I see
55:43the danger there
55:49To Chad,
55:52I'll love you forever.
55:54You're Mitzi.
55:55And I don't care
56:00This will do quite nicely.
56:08I know today was a bit challenging,
56:11but I'm going to Switzerland
56:12with Douglas and Mitzi.
56:14Strictly business.
56:16But since you're my conservator,
56:19I need your permission
56:20to travel.
56:21Just a quick John Hancock.
56:23With Mitzi?
56:24You don't say.
56:25I know.
56:27I'll do you one better, Maxine.
56:29I'll come with you.
56:31Eddie and I could use
56:32a little time away
56:33and Switzerland
56:34could be just the thing.
56:45Mirabelle said
56:46I would find the killer
56:49by the pool.
56:53Yes.
56:53The energies are strong
56:56right here.
57:00Killer of Maxine,
57:04reveal thyself.
57:05We met
57:06I felt my life begin
57:12My bootlegger.
57:17At last.
57:20Where have you been?
57:24I've missed you.
57:26Rush in.
57:29Someone's in the kitchen
57:40Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah
57:41Someone's in the kitchen
57:43I know
57:44Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah
57:47Strumming on the old banjo
57:49Dinah didn't make no pudding
57:52Didn't make the apple pie
57:54Cause she's pitchin' in the kitchen
57:57Cause she's pitchin' in the kitchen
57:57With the apple of her eye
57:59Someone's in the kitchen
58:02Someone's there I know
58:04Someone's in the kitchen I know
58:09Somebody's in the kitchen
58:10Somebody's in the kitchen
58:12Somebody's there I know
58:15Someone's in the kitchen
58:17Strumming on the old banjo
58:19Come on out of the kitchen
58:22Get away from the old banjo
58:26Get away from the old banjo
58:27Get away from the old banjo
58:28Get away from the old banjo
58:29Get away from the old banjo
58:30Get away from the old banjo
58:31Get away from the old banjo
58:32Get away from the old banjo
58:33Get away from the old banjo
58:34Get away from the old banjo
58:35Get away from the old banjo
58:36Get away from the old banjo
58:37Get away from the old banjo
58:38Get away from the old banjo
58:39Get away from the old banjo
58:40Get away from the old banjo
58:41Get away from the old banjo
58:42Get away from the old banjo
58:43Get away from the old banjo
58:44Get away from the old banjo
58:45Get away from the old banjo
58:46Get away from the old banjo
58:47Get away from the old banjo
58:48Get away from the old banjo
58:49Get away from the old banjo
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