- 26 minutes ago
Emmerdale - Season 54 Episode 243 -
Thursday 25th December 2025
Thursday 25th December 2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Merry Christmas!
00:27Merry Christmas!
00:28Merry Christmas!
00:30Is it, though?
00:31Cos I'm out here in the cold running a mulled wine stall that was your idea
00:35while you're in the warm, like the ghost of Christmas.
00:37Merry Christmas!
00:38Oh, I don't know who he was! Get your bum out here now!
00:44I'm expecting a shot any time.
00:46It's a public street and it's on Christmas Day.
00:49So that means it's not allowed, is it?
00:51Merry blah blah. Why don't you have some of this muck?
00:54Well, salesperson of the year. Cheers.
00:56Hiya, Lord. Merry Christmas.
00:58Merry Christmas.
01:00Looks like we should be singing Feed the World.
01:03We will not be caught with insufficient food, will we?
01:05Look at all those vegetables!
01:07I know!
01:08You're not wearing a present?
01:09Er, er, no, I will.
01:11Right, come on.
01:12Let the peeling commence after you, Gardner.
01:17What present has he got that you can't wear out here?
01:20Do we really want to know?
01:21He got me a Cardi.
01:23Right, because you're 74 years of age.
01:25And, er, murder mystery thing.
01:27Oh, where have you got to go for that?
01:29Oh, I don't know. Some hotel in Weatherfield.
01:31Where?
01:32Oh, God knows.
01:33Weatherfield?
01:34Not really.
01:36Merry Christmas.
01:37Too early?
01:38I like that you're so keen.
01:51Oh, Merry Christmas.
01:52Oh, Merry Christmas.
01:53Yeah.
01:54Merry Christmas.
01:55Oh.
01:56Merry Christmas.
01:57Yeah.
01:58Merry Christmas.
02:03Ho, ho, ho.
02:04We're still on for yours later.
02:05Uh-huh.
02:06Right.
02:07Been late afternoon.
02:08Got a few guests here.
02:09Right.
02:10See you later.
02:12Hey!
02:13Merry Christmas.
02:14Good to you.
02:15I got a scooter.
02:16Yeah, same.
02:17Yay!
02:18So that means that no one's safe.
02:19Why don't we go and terrorise the rest of the village?
02:21Come on.
02:22Oh, yeah, go.
02:26Er, question.
02:27How come I didn't get a scooter?
02:28I've spent enough on you on my little pony, thank you.
02:32Got another one, love?
02:33Yeah, go on then.
02:34Not for me.
02:35I've, er, actually got somewhere.
02:36I'm gonna puff to you.
02:37Where are you going?
02:40Robert, where you going?
02:41Merry Christmas!
02:42Merry Christmas!
02:43Merry Christmas!
03:01So, do you like it?
03:02Yeah.
03:03Really?
03:04Of course.
03:05Right, well, why are you just giving one-word answers then?
03:09I love it.
03:10Thanks.
03:12Just then two.
03:13Flipping hijacking things yesterday.
03:15I know, I'm not exactly chuffed about it either, but let's not let it ruin our Christmas
03:18as well.
03:24Oh, my God!
03:25This is so much better than mine!
03:28I know.
03:29Did you just guess it was gonna be a girl?
03:31I bought two lots.
03:32I'm sending the blue ones back.
03:33Yeah, very clever.
03:34Hey!
03:35Happy Christmas!
03:37What he said.
03:38Sorry, got a bit for head.
03:39Celebrating, were you?
03:40Only a bit.
03:41Only a bit.
03:42Sure.
03:43How are we?
03:44Disappointed.
03:45It was a bit, you know.
03:46It was massively out of order.
03:50And bonkers.
03:51Last night was supposed to be our wedding night.
03:52Well, you don't need the ring to do the thing.
03:53Seriously.
03:54Sorry.
03:55Well, tell me at your grand's.
03:56Whenever we want.
03:57Yeah, the sooner the better.
03:58I'm getting dressed.
03:59Sherry?
04:00Computer!
04:01Stop!
04:02Would you like me to play more Christmas music?
04:03Definitely not.
04:04Last night was supposed to be our wedding night.
04:07Well, you don't need the ring to do the thing.
04:10Seriously?
04:12Sorry.
04:13What's happening at your grand's?
04:15Whenever we want.
04:16Yeah, the sooner the better. I'm getting dressed.
04:19Sherry?
04:26Computer, stop.
04:29Would you like me to play more Christmas music?
04:32Definitely not.
04:33Now playing Jingle Bell Rock.
04:36Computer, stop.
04:50Oh, no.
04:52Now playing Gold.
04:54Computer, stop or I swear.
04:57Now playing Walking in the Air.
05:03Oh, I like this one.
05:10Here's the thing about knocking on a door that you don't seem to understand.
05:15Spare me the sarcasm.
05:17Wow.
05:18What did you get for Christmas?
05:19Big box feisty?
05:20I made a mistake yesterday when I binned you off.
05:25Making one now if you think that's what happened.
05:28I may have overreacted slightly.
05:31Truth is, I need a posh friend in my life.
05:34It gives me an air of mystery.
05:37Like people think, oh, I wonder what Kim sees in that one.
05:40And it's nice.
05:42Just being here.
05:43Basking in your magnificence.
05:46And it makes me realise how lucky I am.
05:49You and I being mates.
05:51Like when you're having issues with your caviar not being the right temperature.
05:55Or too many bubbles in your champagne.
05:57And I think to myself,
05:59At least I don't have Kim's troubles.
06:02So, I'm willing to accept your apology.
06:05And give you another chance.
06:09You'd better pour yourself a drink then.
06:11What kind of host are you?
06:13How are you?
06:34How are you?
06:35Good, thanks.
06:40How are you really?
06:43Not great.
06:45Come here.
06:56I'm only here cos Johnny pestered.
06:59Noted.
07:01Where's the rest of you boys?
07:03Well, Noah's out working.
07:05For triple time.
07:06And get this.
07:07Ryan's gone for a turkey curry
07:09With someone called Stab Wound.
07:11Who we met gaming.
07:12So he's definitely getting murdered.
07:14Ha!
07:15Go on.
07:16Drink.
07:17Yeah, I'll just have one.
07:18Oh, knock yourself out Vanessa.
07:20Slow down Moses.
07:22And put your helmet on.
07:25He should be wearing a helmet.
07:27You're a helmet.
07:28Get a drink and just shut up.
07:34Wow!
07:35Oh, sorry.
07:36Is there a speed limit?
07:38No, there isn't.
07:39You crack on.
07:40How are you cracking on with your issue?
07:45Well, it's only an issue if someone makes it an issue.
07:49It's hardly the subject for Christmas Day, is it?
07:51Oh, I don't know.
07:52A pregnant woman and the father not being who everyone thinks it is.
07:56Oh, cute.
07:57Merry Christmas!
07:58Merry Christmas!
07:59Merry Christmas!
08:00Merry Christmas!
08:01Cheers, aren't you?
08:02I didn't know you were coming for dinner.
08:04Oh, no, we're not.
08:05Oh, Johnny and Moses just said you are.
08:07He's well excited.
08:08We don't mind, do we?
08:09No, we don't mind.
08:10Brilliant idea.
08:11Hey!
08:12Merry Christmas!
08:13Where's Eve?
08:14Upstairs with Harry.
08:15Doing what?
08:16I don't know, do I?
08:17Oh.
08:18Oh, you've got to own it.
08:19It's wonderful.
08:20Yeah, you'll fit right in it, WI.
08:21Right, come on, Cardi B.
08:22Get some of these pigs.
08:23How many are we feeding?
08:24Has Robert come round to yours?
08:26No.
08:27Why?
08:28Did he say he was good at it?
08:29What?
08:30He shouldn't be.
08:31I don't know.
08:32I don't know.
08:33I don't know.
08:34I don't know.
08:35I don't know.
08:36I don't know.
08:37I don't know.
08:38I don't know.
08:39I don't know.
08:40Did he say he was good at it?
08:41What?
08:42He's just got off and now he's not answering his phone.
08:43What, at all?
08:44What do you mean, at all?
08:45He's not gonna answer it a little bit, is he?
08:46Don't get crappy.
08:47I'm worried, Vic.
08:48So where is he now, then?
08:49I don't know.
08:50When your audience is gonna get close?
09:00Anyway.
09:01Yeah.
09:32Right, let's see who wins, ready?
09:47Oh, I won!
09:49Oh, sorry Liam.
09:50Right, come on here.
09:51Let's go sit down.
09:54Wow, that Christmas lunch with Bernice really got to you, didn't it?
09:56Not the great famine of 2018, not at all.
09:58I wouldn't worry about Robert, love.
10:03Well, you would if you knew that Kev's back firing guns.
10:06What?
10:08What is back?
10:10Someone took a shot at us yesterday.
10:12Where was this?
10:13At Butler's.
10:14The police reckon it was just poachers and they were stray shots.
10:18Yeah, well, they're probably right.
10:20Yeah, until we got back and there was an envelope with Kev's wedding ring and a bullet in it.
10:25Oh, my goodness.
10:27Do you reckon we should go and look for him?
10:28I was just going to suggest it, actually.
10:30No, hang on, hang on.
10:31Where are you even going to look?
10:32I don't know.
10:32We can't just sit here.
10:34Maybe you should call the police.
10:35And say what?
10:36That my fully grown adult boyfriend's been missing for a couple of hours.
10:38Well, I think I'd also suggest the shooting, the bullet in the ring.
10:43No Charles?
10:44He came earlier.
10:46Thought I'd give him space to be with Ethan by himself.
10:51Never gets any easier, does it?
10:53Tell me about it.
10:55Like Christmas isn't difficult enough.
10:58I've got three brothers here as well as my dad.
11:00You must miss them very much.
11:03It's been so long.
11:06Sometimes it feels like they were never here at all.
11:08But you must feel like Ethan's barely been gone.
11:15There are still days Charles and I still call his name.
11:19Give him my best.
11:27What are you doing here?
11:30I'm looking to buy a new carpet.
11:32So as I can sweep everything that's happened recently under it.
11:41Looks like you've already started that.
11:46Congratulations, by the way.
11:48On your engagement.
11:50Thanks.
11:51I miss him.
12:06Yeah, same.
12:09I miss you.
12:12And you.
12:14Me?
12:16That's all right.
12:18It's Christmas.
12:19And?
12:20What happens at Christmas?
12:23Well, what usually happens is families fall out.
12:26But we've already done that.
12:28So is anyone open to moving on to the next phase?
12:33What's that?
12:34We stand around awkwardly.
12:36Not so much.
12:38And then at some point,
12:40preferably very soon,
12:42your bags appear in the hallway at home.
12:44And it's kind of accepted that you've moved back in.
12:50That might work.
12:53Let the awkward standing commence.
12:57Oh, yes.
12:59Let's get some rosy.
13:00Oops.
13:01Oh.
13:02Do you want something to do with you?
13:03I need to be.
13:04Hey!
13:04I told you to wait for your tyres.
13:06You OK?
13:10Yeah.
13:10Have you been to Nate's grave?
13:13Yeah, I have, mate.
13:14Come here.
13:16Right, come on.
13:17Let's get this show on the road, then.
13:18You know, we've still got time for our knees up.
13:21I've got my feet up.
13:22Old.
13:22Yeah, so old.
13:24Can't even make it to the food.
13:26Come on.
13:28Have this not opened all the presents?
13:29Er, no.
13:30Not yet.
13:31Oh-ho-ho.
13:33Come on, man.
13:35Come on, Nate.
13:35Oh, what have you got?
13:38Get in there.
13:41What have you got?
13:41Brilliant.
13:43Wee-hee-hee.
13:44Wow.
13:44Yeah.
13:45Pass this to your brother.
13:46Oh.
13:47Oh.
13:48Oh.
13:48Oh.
13:48What have you got?
13:55Right.
13:57Hello.
13:59Come on, man.
13:59Hey.
14:00How are we all?
14:01Hi.
14:02How's me big man?
14:04Merry Christmas.
14:05Merry Christmas.
14:06Aw.
14:07Hello, Kane.
14:10Because it's, uh, a spanner.
14:13Yeah, I got it.
14:14Merry Christmas.
14:16Yeah, Merry Christmas.
14:17Aw.
14:17Did you get anything nice?
14:18Well, I need to get back, too.
14:23And?
14:25Who are you, mister?
14:27Yeah.
14:27It's just another day with our aims, isn't it?
14:30Not really.
14:32No.
14:33No, not really.
14:33No, come here.
14:37Anyway, what do you think she would want me to do, eh, your mum, if she was here?
14:41Have a good time.
14:43So what are we going to do, then?
14:44Have a good time!
14:46Nailed it!
14:47Right, um, do we get our own drinks or do you, like, control it?
14:51Control, Gary!
14:53Right, come on in.
14:55Brought you some company.
14:57Thanks.
14:57It's a lot.
14:58I really appreciate this.
15:03I don't relish the prospect of being in that house all day.
15:06Oh, happy birthday.
15:08Hope they're not imposing too much.
15:11How much is too much?
15:12Well, we're enjoying being here just as much as you are having us.
15:15Kim, let's just sit down.
15:16Kim, let's just sit down.
15:17Get comfy.
15:18Oh, thank you.
15:18And you guys.
15:20Get on the, er, set here.
15:21Thanks, Sam and Lydia and Belle.
15:23Oh, yeah, no worries.
15:25Has Billy got the kids?
15:26Yeah.
15:26I feel like we should have some kind of plaque.
15:30Kim Tate's sat here.
15:31Ah, well, I've got a box of them.
15:33I'll bring you one.
15:34Really?
15:35No, Sam.
15:36Oh, right.
15:37Jorks.
15:39Er, drinks.
15:41Well, Merry Christmas, everyone.
15:43Merry Christmas.
15:45Feels like I should let you drink from the welly,
15:46but it's only really for people joining family.
15:49Well, disappointed as I am not to be drinking moonshine
15:53from weather-resistant footwear,
15:55I'll try not to let it ruin my festive mood.
15:58Will this do?
15:59Oh.
16:01My absolute favourite.
16:09Merry Christmas.
16:09Merry Christmas.
16:11Greetings.
16:13Oh, Merry Christmas.
16:14Merry Christmas and all that.
16:17Where's your dad and the kids?
16:18Well, he fell asleep, so they're drawing on his face.
16:21Nobody ever wants to finish deviling him.
16:23Yeah, Dottie's gone round to film it for YouTube.
16:25I thought I heard an entrance.
16:27Oh, Merry Christmas.
16:28This do you?
16:29Um, have you two met properly?
16:31Well, he's been at the cafe about half a million times.
16:33No, formerly I meant.
16:36Like in Westminster Abbey or summer?
16:39Well, I've heard a lot about you.
16:40Oh, really?
16:41No, but you make a good coffee.
16:44Not been bigging me up, then.
16:47I'll let your majestic presence speak for it, sir.
16:50Oh.
16:51In a decade's time, this is what you'll have to deal with from her.
16:56I'll settle for that.
16:57Excuse me.
17:04Wow.
17:05You've finished already.
17:06I was assuming drinking quickly was some sort of rule.
17:09Yeah, but we haven't had a toast yet.
17:11Well, you're going to have to do it without me because we are going for a walk with Vinny.
17:14Is this pre-planned or is it an escape?
17:17Pre-planned.
17:18Promise.
17:19But I might see you later.
17:21It's all right.
17:21Sorry.
17:23Right then.
17:25What, er, what we're drinking to?
17:28Business as usual.
17:29Business as usual.
17:30Well, er, can I just check, are you two under the impression that I'm giving you your jobs back?
17:37Because I want to make it very clear that I am.
17:41Oh, you beggar.
17:43Yeah, let's go in, then.
17:46Hey, Sam.
17:48What?
17:51What?
17:52Sure.
17:54Won't what?
17:55Drink from the welly.
17:57Drink from the welly.
17:59Drink from the welly.
18:01This is getting weird.
18:04Drink from the welly.
18:05Drink from the welly.
18:08Drink from the welly.
18:09Drink from the welly.
18:12Drink from the welly.
18:13No, no, no, no.
18:17Hey!
18:19I still don't mean you're a dingle, Will.
18:21Oh, imagine my devastation.
18:23Not that this isn't the pinnacle of my drinking experiences,
18:27but would anyone care for some red wine from my salad?
18:31I thought you just kept corpses in that.
18:32Yes, that sounds really good.
18:33Let's go.
18:34OK, I'll come with you.
18:35Can I choose some or not?
18:36Well, we'd be foolish to disregard your impeccable test.
18:40Is that a yes or a no?
18:41Come on, Sam.
18:42It's all right.
18:45It's all right.
18:45Nothing with dust on.
18:49I was banging on at you a bit earlier, weren't I?
18:53Well, we all need banging on at from time to time.
18:57But time to time, not all the time.
19:01Noted.
19:01You know, you're lucky.
19:05I know.
19:06And Sam is extremely lucky.
19:09I don't know about that.
19:10Yes, you do.
19:12He looks after me.
19:14Well, I'm glad to hear it.
19:17Would you mind if I looked after you two?
19:20What do you mean?
19:22Oh, like, say...
19:24You still inheriting home farm?
19:27Have you forgotten how to count?
19:36I tried to prepare for everything beyond the extent of preparation.
19:40Do you know who's in that?
19:41Nelson Mandela.
19:42Taylor Swift.
19:43Right, come on.
19:44Let's go look for him.
19:45Chas, can you watch Harry?
19:47No need.
19:47But he's about to turn six, not six.
19:49Finally!
19:51You knew I was nipping out?
19:53And where have you been getting your phone fixed?
19:55Been calling you.
19:56What, because I've been gone a couple of hours?
19:57And it's been longer than that.
19:59Well, it must have been on silent.
20:00Sorry.
20:01Well, it's just, we thought, you know...
20:03Kev had got you.
20:04Told us about it yesterday.
20:06What?
20:06No, no.
20:07Don't worry about that.
20:08Done with that madman interfering with our lives.
20:11Hello, hello!
20:12Hey!
20:12First of all, greetings.
20:13Oh, hiya.
20:14Merry Christmas.
20:15I thought you were off seeing Steph.
20:17Nana's tomorrow.
20:17Are we all right?
20:19Yes, don't worry.
20:20The Taylor Swift Appreciation Society has got it all covered.
20:22She got you in that sparkly dress again.
20:24You wish.
20:25Oh, you come bearing gifts.
20:26How come you're suddenly not worried any more?
20:30Because what's the point?
20:32It's Christmas.
20:33Relax.
20:34It's Christmas.
20:39It's Christmas.
20:39I don't know.
21:09So, Eric, this thing with you and Kerry, was it a slow burn, or...?
21:17Kerry and I have been extremely fond of each other for a very long time.
21:25And the fondness has blossomed into a deep and mutual love.
21:32Do they?
21:37I'm supposed to catch it.
21:39Oh, right.
21:43Now what?
21:46Get it, Paul.
21:48Put it on your heart.
21:50Sweet, sweet.
21:52Nice fit, mate.
21:55A counterfeit.
21:57Thanks for these. They're great.
21:59You're welcome, babe.
22:00So, are you like, uh, Grandad?
22:03Now you two are married.
22:05Oh.
22:05Is that okay?
22:08Doesn't make a difference.
22:09Oh, banger.
22:13Oh, there she goes.
22:21Yes, Cain.
22:22No, Cain.
22:26Cain, where are you going?
22:27A quiet Christmas, you said.
22:28Right, come on, you, let's go.
22:29Bring that with you.
22:30Okay, see you later.
22:31Take care.
22:31Bye.
22:32Bye.
22:32Bye.
22:32Bye.
22:33Bye.
22:33Bye.
22:33Oh, one of them stoopes to visit downstairs.
22:43Are the other two joining us anytime soon?
22:44I mean, do they know it's Christmas time?
22:47At all?
22:48Well, the presents were a bit of a clue, but yeah.
22:52I've got a little something for you.
22:54Dylan!
22:55Are you a guest?
22:57All right, everyone.
22:58Merry Christmas.
22:59You said you couldn't get out of hospital.
23:01Yeah, I lied.
23:01I'm out.
23:01How are you feeling, sweetheart?
23:03Better for seeing this one.
23:04Well, it's been so long.
23:07You okay?
23:09Hello.
23:10Come here.
23:11I love you.
23:12We're going to be all right, aren't we?
23:13Yeah.
23:15Where's Eve?
23:16With Chas.
23:17Where's your mum?
23:18She's with Charles and Claudette.
23:20Oh, she's blowing you out, has she?
23:22Yeah, that's it.
23:24At least you know who your parent is.
23:29Sorry.
23:31I've got a beer, wife.
23:50It's Christmas Day, I think.
23:52I've got a beer, wife.
23:54It's Christmas Day, I think.
23:56Right, I'll make a book.
24:10Oh, this should be good.
24:12What the Lady Bird Heard?
24:14No?
24:15What the Lady Bird Heard next?
24:17Well, that's the only two books you've ever read.
24:19Oh, The Godfather.
24:20That's a book.
24:21No, no, no, no, we have to wait, right, for how many words first.
24:25Right, of course.
24:26All two.
24:27All four words.
24:28That's barely a headline.
24:30That's how many words are in the title.
24:32Oh, um, Fifty Shades of Grey.
24:34Oh, well, if you start mumming that, I'm gouging me on out.
24:37No, Ray, he's going to give us some clues, all right.
24:40Go on, go on.
24:41You're like Crocodile Dundee when he went to New York and had not a clue what was going on.
24:45Oh, Jimmy and his highbrow cultural reference.
24:47Anyway, you, Ray knows plenty about Christmas, show him your bracelet.
24:50No, no, no, no, no, we're playing a game.
24:52We're playing a game.
24:54Ooh, fancy.
24:56What have you been doing, mining cryptocurrency?
24:58Oh, nothing that lucrative.
24:59Lucrative enough?
25:01I had nothing better to spend my money on.
25:02Oh, thanks.
25:03No, no, I didn't.
25:04Oh, no, don't battle now.
25:07I'm really offended.
25:08Look, this is going to take all day.
25:09I'm going to give you a verbal clue.
25:11It's what I want to do to Nicola sometimes.
25:14Sexy time.
25:14Oh, no, not on a Thursday.
25:17Oh, hang on, I know it.
25:20Tequila Mockingbird.
25:22Ooh!
25:23You got it.
25:24Hi, nice, thorny man.
25:26Wait till you're asleep and see what happens to your face.
25:29Right, come and get another drink.
25:30And then I'm telling you everything you're going to be buying me for Christmas next year.
25:33Is this too much?
25:36This is the best Christmas ever.
25:38Oh, I don't know whether that makes me really happy or really sad.
25:41Well, it makes me happy.
25:42Well, play your cards right and you can have another one of these next year.
25:49Yeah?
25:53Oh, decent, that.
25:56Thank you for your effusive praise.
25:59Hey, hey.
26:00So, I've got you one more present.
26:02Well, I sort of maybe kind of got it for myself, but you ready?
26:05Go on.
26:05Mm-hmm.
26:08Eh?
26:10Yeah.
26:11We used to play that to Destruction when you were little, didn't we?
26:14I mean, literally, I think we went through about four of them.
26:16That's why I knew one every other Christmas.
26:17And how did you manage that?
26:18Well, I used to...
26:19I found it very tense.
26:20I used to snap the little plastic doors.
26:22Yeah, you used to rage quit every time you lost, I seem to recall.
26:26I did not.
26:27Always.
26:28Anyway, she used to have such weird questions.
26:30Does yours look like it could ride a horse?
26:32Yeah, I won every time.
26:34Ridiculously.
26:35So, we're playing, then, or what?
26:36Well, that sounds dangerous.
26:37Yeah, and it's only for two players.
26:38It's only two players.
26:40Look, we can team up.
26:41We can take turns.
26:44I just...
26:45I feel really lucky to be having this Christmas after where we were last year,
26:49and this would just be the icing on the cake.
26:52Indulge your old dad.
26:54Fine.
26:55Yeah?
26:55We'll play at the table.
26:56So you can turn it over when you lose.
27:00There's pudding.
27:00Oh!
27:04I'll be sorry for a sec.
27:06Can you just help?
27:07Help Dylan?
27:07Yeah.
27:09One sec.
27:11All right.
27:17Hello?
27:19I'm coming.
27:20Things are going to be okay.
27:21Do you know that?
27:23Yeah, I do.
27:23It's me.
27:37Promise me you'll leave my family alone.
27:42Okay.
27:43Then I'll do it.
27:45I'll come with you.
27:46What a surprise.
28:14You're good at making ladies' drinks.
28:17Do you want a soft drink?
28:18Oh, I do.
28:19It's pretty good, that one.
28:21I can't believe you love straws.
28:23Are they beetroot?
28:24Wow.
28:24I don't know.
28:26Why don't we play Cards Against Decency?
28:28Oh, yeah.
28:29No, we can't.
28:30I went and chucked them out.
28:32Why?
28:32Because he was reading all the cards and quoting from them randomly.
28:36It's like we were living with Frankie Boyle.
28:38I know a game I can play.
28:40Go on, then.
28:41Let's play Truth or Dare.
28:47Oh, nah.
28:48That's well boring.
28:50And anyway, everyone chooses dares, so...
28:52So, you book the trend then, Charity.
28:55Go truth.
28:58Ooh.
28:58Anyone want another drink?
28:59Mm.
29:00Yeah, yeah, I'll have another one, thanks.
29:02Or I've got another one.
29:03Oh, this is a really good one.
29:04Never Have I Ever.
29:07Shall we play that?
29:08Why don't we play it in a minute when you've had some fresh air, darling?
29:11Never Have I Ever.
29:12Ooh.
29:13Let's think, what shall I go with?
29:15Never Have I Ever.
29:17Come on.
29:18Never Have I Ever.
29:20Ripped anyone's head off their shoulders, please.
29:22Do you know what?
29:23The night is yet young.
29:24Come on.
29:25Never Have I Ever.
29:26Never Have You Ever been this drunk, like, cat.
29:28I'm out.
29:29It's too wild.
29:30Oh, God.
29:33Oh.
29:43All right, well, come on, then.
29:45Who are you?
29:46My wife's done this.
29:49Have you lost your tongue, yeah?
29:51Oh, no.
29:52Wait, that's right.
29:52Not yet you haven't, because I'm going to cut it off,
29:55and that's just for the start.
29:59Well, that's a big threat.
30:01From a man in your very precarious position.
30:25You know, I know who you are.
30:31Yeah.
30:33Saved on introductions.
30:35Johnny Psycho.
30:36The murderer.
30:37Not true.
30:37That kid wrapped himself up in South Pole and then jumped in the lake of the air.
30:44Show some respect.
30:46That kid had a name.
30:48Nate.
30:49And his death was an accident.
30:51Right.
30:52Well, I'll be wired.
30:53Nobody hates you, then.
30:55Nobody refers to you as a massive nutter.
31:00Not very popular, were you?
31:01No, truth be told, I made some mistakes.
31:16I let things slip.
31:18But now I'm going to make up for it.
31:22The storm's coming.
31:27Not literally, idiot.
31:30Weird.
31:30You caused a bit of one, though, didn't you?
31:36What, with your little siege?
31:37Yeah, I read all about that in the news.
31:40Sword.
31:40Very, er...
31:42Very visually arresting.
31:46Not quite as effective as a bullet, though.
31:48I came this close
31:49to putting one through your husband's head yesterday.
31:54Just after I drugged you
31:55and stopped you shooting my husband.
31:57No, I was so wrong about you.
32:02You're completely mentally stable.
32:04Aaron really does not know what he's missing.
32:07Aaron is not going to miss out on anything.
32:08He knows where his future lies.
32:11But there's a bit of work to be done first, though.
32:15Because this is your little squat, is it?
32:17I like what you've done with the place.
32:19Well, I see.
32:22Yours, it's, er...
32:23It's mine, now.
32:26Well, it suits you.
32:29Just need to knock together a little padded cell for you.
32:32Because that's where you're ending up.
32:34I'm ending up with Aaron.
32:37Together, like we are meant to be.
32:39Happy, content, and committed to each other.
32:43With you and Robert nowhere to be seen
32:45by anyone ever again.
32:49Tell me one thing me coming clean will achieve.
32:52I'll tell you two.
32:53She'll know the truth.
32:55Jacob will know the truth.
32:56And also Mac will know the truth.
32:57And yet, I know that's three.
32:58I've had a drink.
32:59Sue me.
33:00Oh, no, beautiful speech, Vanessa.
33:02Have you got another one to help Sarah
33:03pick herself up off the floor
33:05once her life's in bits?
33:07Feels like that's your job, don't you think?
33:09No, it doesn't have to be anybody's job
33:11if they just lie to her for the rest of her life.
33:15She's never going to forgive me for this,
33:16and you know that.
33:21Mmm.
33:23Fair for that, Liam.
33:24You know, I've always thought of Eat and Mess
33:25as one of those terrible games
33:26that they play at boarding school.
33:27Oh!
33:29Well, it's a good thing we've finished our food
33:31before you gave us that disgusting image.
33:39Kindred spirits.
33:40Oh, cute.
33:41I am, actually, yeah.
33:42Do you have any idea how hard it is
33:43to find a grave on Christmas Day?
33:44Since that's where you've been.
33:54Oh, sorry, is this a private party?
33:56It doesn't have to be.
33:58Sit down.
33:58We didn't want to intrude.
34:00No, no, no, not at all.
34:01It's Mary not with you.
34:02No, she's a...
34:03She's a very keen Scrabble player.
34:06Very keen and serious.
34:09We didn't lie to her.
34:10I said I wanted to check on Kevin.
34:12To see if he'd checked in with you at all.
34:15Has he?
34:15No.
34:17I got a card.
34:18Just said Kay.
34:21I know what he's done.
34:22But no one should be alone at this time if you...
34:24Do you want a drink?
34:24Oh, I reckon Claudette could be trouble on Bubbles.
34:29I'm not.
34:30I'm Randy on Shandy.
34:33I'll have a Shandy.
34:34No, just joking.
34:36Or am I?
34:38Cheers, everyone.
34:40Well, just hang on a sec.
34:46I'm not really a fan of publicly humiliating myself.
34:49Oh, well, that's not true, but carry on.
34:52Ah, it's good.
34:53It's very good.
34:55I just...
34:56I just wanted to say...
34:58This year has been a bit...
34:59Well, I mean, even by our standards, it's...
35:01It's been a weird one.
35:06It's been hard, mostly.
35:09And very hard.
35:11Sometimes.
35:14And scary.
35:17And...
35:17It's been sad.
35:19Well, it's also been...
35:24Amazing.
35:28And although you...
35:29Most of you are...
35:30A pain in the backside.
35:34You're family.
35:37We're family.
35:39And...
35:40I'm glad we've got each other.
35:43So, you know...
35:44Merry Christmas.
35:47Merry Christmas.
35:47Merry Christmas.
35:48Merry Christmas.
35:51Merry Christmas.
35:51Family.
35:52Well, and you.
35:55Sarah wants this baby so much.
35:58No, she wants her baby so much.
36:01And this isn't that.
36:03You got pregnant by your husband.
36:06Your husband, who's already had one child ripped out of his life.
36:10And despite your age-defying lady bits, isn't likely to get another chance at being a dad.
36:16Charity, it's just...
36:17It's so wrong on so many levels.
36:20Do you know what else it is?
36:22None of my business.
36:24Bingo.
36:25So, do you know what I'm going to do right now?
36:27I'm going to go home.
36:28And I suggest you follow and get Johnny and go home yourself.
36:31Preferably without shouting your mouth off.
36:33Merry Christmas.
36:52Merry Christmas.
36:53Merry Christmas.
36:54Merry Christmas.
36:54Merry Christmas.
36:55Right.
36:56Torch is on.
36:57Okay, let's go see Grandad.
37:00Do you want it?
37:01We'll swap.
37:07Bit of bit quiet on the way over here.
37:10You been thinking about your mum?
37:13Always.
37:16I didn't even get to buy her a present.
37:18Oh, yeah.
37:19I'll never get to buy her a present again.
37:23Ka-ching.
37:27What are we doing?
37:30Well, you didn't think of that spanner as your Christmas present, did you?
37:34Here now.
37:43What's this?
37:44This is a lot of hard work.
37:47So, are you up for it?
37:49Me?
37:49Why?
37:52Because this is your car.
37:54Merry Christmas, son.
37:56Is it actually mine?
37:58I mean, it's a bit of a start at the moment.
38:00Okay.
38:02Well, it won't be when we're finished, though,
38:04because me and you are going to turn this into the best car for miles.
38:09Three years.
38:10What?
38:10Well, you know, until you're old enough to drive it when you're 17.
38:14So, are you up for it or what?
38:16Yeah, definitely.
38:17Good morning.
38:39No.
38:40Weized.
38:40Weiz.
38:41Like I didn't exist.
39:11Can you stop walking into me, please?
39:30We're certain it's me that's walking into you, are we?
39:33Absolutely. 110%.
39:35Oh, no. Don't be that person.
39:37What person?
39:38The butcher of percentages.
39:40Butcherer is not a word.
39:43Yes, it is.
39:44What's it mean, then?
39:46Someone who butchers.
39:49It's just a butcher.
39:51Are you going to open the door, then, or what?
39:53You've got the keys.
39:54Oh, you've got the keys.
39:55You've got the keys in your hand right now.
39:58Oh!
40:00I think I might be a bit drunk.
40:02Yeah, well, you're stone-cold sober compared to Aron.
40:04Do you think he's still asleep?
40:06Oh, yeah.
40:08You'll be flat out in that back room all night.
40:10All right.
40:13Push!
40:18Where have you been?
40:21Out.
40:22Yeah, I think the clue was when you walked back in.
40:25Where'd you go?
40:25I went for a walk.
40:29Oh, right.
40:30Be like that, Mr. International Man of Mystery.
40:33So, not an easy day, then.
40:42Well, it's been fun.
40:43Where is everyone?
40:44Uh, Vanessa and Johnny have gone home.
40:49Sarah and Jacob went out with Moses on his new scooter and...
40:53...Ross trailed off like a bad smell on a gentle breeze.
40:56We are alone.
40:58We are alone.
41:01For once.
41:03Do you want to take advantage?
41:05Mm-hmm.
41:06Are we good?
41:08We're great.
41:12Come on, then.
41:12Come on.
41:13Hey, glad tidings one and all!
41:40Oh, I got your balls!
42:10That's better.
42:35Big day, eh? Big year.
42:40I thought it was going to be the best year ever, but...
42:44Hey, I'll go and check, won't be sick.
43:05No, he's fine. He won't be tomorrow, but that's his problem.
43:24So many people care about you, but...
43:39I'm not one of them as much as I do.
43:432025 has been a shocking year, but...
43:47But 26, no.
43:50That is going to be the best year ever.
43:54Because you and me, we're going to be together.
43:58No matter what.
44:15Transcription by CastingWords
Be the first to comment