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00:00Tooblers, Groovy Gricks, Brainy Sages, Neenomys in Little Ages
00:03Gory Stories, we do that!
00:05And your host, a Talking Rats!
00:08The past is no longer a mystery!
00:11Welcome to...
00:12Horrible Histories!
00:17Horrible Histories presents...
00:19Pityful Princes and Princesses!
00:22Have you ever dreamt of being a prince or princess?
00:26Living in a fancy castle,
00:28wearing cool crowns,
00:30and drinking only the finest bean juices.
00:34Mmm, nice!
00:35Of course, that only happens by magic in fairy stories.
00:39Normally, a lot of work goes into being a royal.
00:43Guys, what an incredible show we've got for you today!
00:47I'm famous French hairdresser, Cyr Larsonel.
00:49And I'm portrait artist, Joseph Ducreux.
00:52And we are here to collect an Austrian princess.
00:56Say hi to the viewers!
00:58Hello!
00:58This princess knows she's headed to France
01:00to marry Prince Louis,
01:02who's going to be king one day?
01:04What she doesn't know
01:05is how much the French public will hate her
01:08if she looks Austrian.
01:10What?
01:10They literally won't let her into the country looking like this.
01:13They'll rip her to shreds!
01:15Which, quite frankly, would be an improvement.
01:17So we're here to make this Austrian wench
01:19look really French.
01:21Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep!
01:32Now I'm thinking we'll call you Marie Antoinette.
01:36But that is not my name.
01:37My name is Maria Antonia.
01:39Not anymore!
01:40We're changing it to Marie Antoinette.
01:42It sounds more French.
01:43Future queen of France, let's dance!
01:45What is going on with this hair?
01:53You've got it scraped back so far.
01:55It's pulling out the roots in clumps.
01:57Well, it's very fashionable in Austria.
01:59Yeah, that explains everything.
02:01At the moment, honey,
02:02this forehead gives me a sore head.
02:04Oh, M.G., you are so right.
02:06That's why when I was sent to Austria to paint you,
02:09I painted what I wanted to see,
02:11not what I did see.
02:13She is so fresh, so fly, so French.
02:17Doesn't look anything like me.
02:20Exactly!
02:21Oh, so good.
02:27Wow, it's magnificent.
02:29I know.
02:30Now, sweetie,
02:31we want this makeover to get you smiling again,
02:34but only after we fixed your disgusting Austrian fangs.
02:38Look at those jagged little teeth
02:40pointing out all over the place.
02:42It's like, guys, pick a direction.
02:44So we're going to give you
02:45a very beautiful and very straight smile,
02:49and all it will take is some light dentistry
02:51using these state-of-the-art metal tools.
02:54Ah, won't that hurt?
02:55You won't feel a thing.
02:57Oh.
02:57Because you'll feel everything.
03:00We don't have pain relief.
03:02Open wide.
03:03Let's make your dentures all Frenchers.
03:05When we met Maria Antonia,
03:12she was a real no-no-no-nia.
03:15But Maria Antoinette is très chic.
03:18She's glamorous.
03:19She can barely move her mouth
03:21after agonizing dental surgery.
03:23But she is fit for France.
03:25Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee.
03:26Oh, so what do you think of your transformation?
03:30Are you happy?
03:33Oh, she's speechless.
03:35And now you're finally ready
03:37to enter France and marry a prince.
03:40Yes, queen.
03:41This is the happiest thing of my life.
03:45Well, let's dance.
03:51Yeah, we probably should have worked on our dancing, too.
03:54Definitely.
03:56Please, just stop.
03:57You're embarrassing everyone.
03:58Some can spend their whole lives
04:03searching for true love and never find it.
04:05But for Prince Arthur,
04:07Tudor heir to the throne of England,
04:09his true love was arranged by his father's lawyers
04:12as part of a peace treaty when he was two years old.
04:15And they say romance is dead.
04:17But while Arthur has known the name of his true love
04:20since he was a toddler,
04:21this will be their very first date.
04:24Enjoy.
04:24I really hope we get on.
04:28We're getting married at the end of next week.
04:30Prince Arthur's first date,
04:32and soon-to-be wife,
04:33is Spanish princess Catherine of Aragon.
04:36So great to finally meet you.
04:38I'm Prince Arthur.
04:39My father is King Harry VII,
04:42which means I will be the first official
04:44King Arthur of Britain, eventually.
04:48Bye.
04:49Yes.
04:50Who are you?
04:51We will be the next week.
04:54Ha.
04:56Pedimos comida o' pedimos bebidas primero?
05:00So it turns out she can't speak any English at all,
05:04which is, you know, a shame,
05:07because English is my best language.
05:09Gracias chorizo Barcelona.
05:13Nachos.
05:15Si?
05:16Ay caramba.
05:17You like food?
05:19Food?
05:20Oh, yum yum yum yum yum yum.
05:22Chicken?
05:23Bok bok bok bok bok bok bok bok.
05:24Que es una idiota.
05:26Si, el es un idiota.
05:29The idiot means something completely different in Spanish.
05:32Actually, it's the same thing.
05:33Right.
05:33This is an absolute disaster.
05:36I mean, I probably shouldn't have seen this coming, right?
05:38Because we just used to write to each other in Latin, so...
05:42Wait.
05:43Game on!
05:44Te amo.
05:45Te amo.
05:46The international language of love, Latin.
05:50What can I get you?
05:52Palom e carotom animus.
05:54I'm so sorry, I do not speak Latin.
05:56Idiota.
05:59Do you think you'll see each other again?
06:01Uh, yeah.
06:02I mean, we're getting married in ten days.
06:03Hitch!
06:04Sorry, bros.
06:05We're in touch, then.
06:07That's just my little brother, Prince Henry.
06:08Ah, Henry, uh, ocho.
06:11Henry VIII?
06:13No!
06:14Fat chance of that!
06:16He can only be called that if he became king,
06:18and that's not going to happen unless I die, so, no.
06:20Once we get married, you'll never have to worry about him at every...
06:23Bullseye!
06:24Right, come in!
06:26Prince Arthur and Princess Catherine married one week after they met,
06:29but Arthur croaked five months later,
06:31so Catherine moved on and married his little bro, Prince Henry.
06:35Standard.
06:35Gives me all the feels, actually.
06:42Bonjour.
06:43I am Marie, Queen of Scots,
06:45and as you can imagine,
06:46being Queen of Scotland may be quite a catch in the 16th century dating world.
06:52I'm also well-fet.
06:54Tsss!
06:54Ouch!
06:55Ha ha!
06:56My hand in marriage was so sought after
06:58that I was engaged to be married when I was just six months old.
07:02Henry VIII wanted me to marry his son, Prince Edward.
07:06But tell me,
07:07what did he send to help seal the marriage?
07:10I like presents.
07:12Who doesn't?
07:13Did he send?
07:15A. A ship full of flowers.
07:17Aww.
07:17B. A toy throne.
07:19Ooh.
07:20Or C. An army.
07:22Oh.
07:22The answer is C.
07:24He sent an army.
07:26He started a war to make sure I married his son.
07:29It's called the Rough Wooing,
07:31and it lasted for eight years.
07:33So I married the King of France instead.
07:36Do one, Edward.
07:38You see,
07:39you probably think that princes and princesses have an easy life,
07:43but that's not always been the case.
07:45Mm-mm-mm.
07:46Back in history,
07:48they were often married off to other royals
07:50just to make their own family more powerful.
07:53And if that sounds bad,
07:55wait until you see what giving birth could be like.
07:58It's poor old Marie Antoinette again.
08:01Hmm.
08:01Where is my husband?
08:05I cannot see the King, Your Majesty,
08:07unless he is at the back.
08:10Why are they watching?
08:12I'm trying to give birth here.
08:14Right this way.
08:15Room at the front, Your Majesty.
08:17I love a royal birth.
08:19Don't get me wrong,
08:19an execution is fun,
08:20but it's over so quickly.
08:22Darling,
08:22do we really have to have all of these people here watching?
08:25My love,
08:26we are here to celebrate the birth of a prince.
08:29Oh, princess.
08:30We need an audience.
08:31We need witnesses to prove
08:32the Queen actually gave birth
08:34and they didn't use somebody else's baby.
08:36Plus,
08:36if it is a girl,
08:37it stops them swapping it out for a boy
08:39so the King then has an heir.
08:41Bonjour.
08:42The doctor has arrived.
08:44It's a bit quiet in here.
08:45I thought we were having a royal birth.
08:47More people.
08:48What?
08:50I was all here to sweep the chimney.
08:52Get your crappy stick away from me.
08:55Ignore them, my darling.
08:56Just imagine they are not there.
08:58What if I didn't have to imagine
09:00and they actually weren't there?
09:03She doesn't mean it.
09:04I do.
09:05It is coming.
09:06Yay!
09:07How do you feel?
09:09A little bit woozy, actually.
09:11He was taking it.
09:12Can somebody open the middle, please?
09:14The princess de Lombard clearly needs some air.
09:16Okay.
09:17Everyone ready?
09:18Oui.
09:19Oui.
09:19It's a girl.
09:20Boo!
09:22Don't panic!
09:24I will stick a spike into her foot
09:25to release the blood pressure in her body.
09:27Was that whack?
09:27It will certainly wake her up.
09:30She's back!
09:31Yay!
09:32Come on, Your Majesty.
09:33Push!
09:34Push!
09:35Push!
09:36Push!
09:36Push!
09:37Push!
09:37Push!
09:37Push!
09:38Push!
09:38Push!
09:39Push!
09:39Push!
09:40Push!
09:40Push!
09:41Push!
09:41Push!
09:42Push!
09:42Push!
09:43Yeah!
09:43It's a girl.
09:44Yeah!
09:45That's a girl.
09:46Yeah!
09:47That's a girl.
09:48That's good.
09:49That's good.
09:50OK.
09:51So, uh, need some time to meet my daughter.
09:52So...
09:53Everyone out!
09:54The king needs some private time with his new daughter.
09:57This is a very, very personal moment.
09:59That is a personal moment?
10:01I've just had a baby in public.
10:03Anne Miller.
10:07My first wife, Catherine of Aragon, gave me a daughter, Princess Mary,
10:11which was great and everything,
10:13but I wanted a son and heir to my throne.
10:16A prince!
10:17Um, I did actually then have a son,
10:20but I'm not with the queen,
10:22so he couldn't be an official prince.
10:25Awkward.
10:26But now my second wife, Anne, is pregnant,
10:28and I'm certain it's going to be prince time, baby.
10:32Although, I wouldn't lose my head if it's a girl.
10:35Someone might, though.
10:37Anne Boleyn, my new wife is pregnant,
10:39and everybody's thrilled!
10:41You lie about my mum to get a divorce.
10:43You banned me from visiting her,
10:45and you say I'm not a princess anymore,
10:47and you expect me to be happy about your wife being pregnant.
10:51Too right, Mary.
10:52Can I get a whoop-whoop?
10:54Yeah, she's pretty upset.
10:56I should probably go see if she's okay.
10:58Or I could organise a special joust for the birth of my son.
11:02He's bound to be a boy this time.
11:06Right?
11:07Wrong.
11:08King Henry is delighted to announce the birth of a prince.
11:11Yes.
11:13The whole point of divorcing the last one was so that I could get a son.
11:16And now look what's happened.
11:17A beautiful, healthy, baby girl.
11:20Not now, guys!
11:22Read the room!
11:26Can I just double-check this?
11:27She's definitely a girl.
11:29Okay, fine.
11:35Father?
11:36Hello?
11:37Father's fake wife.
11:41Queen Anne, actually, for now.
11:44Let's see what happens next time you don't have a son.
11:46Speaking of the king's sons, Henry Fitzroy in the house.
11:49You don't count.
11:50Oh!
11:51Just because the king wasn't married to my mum.
11:52Typical.
11:53Sorry, girls.
11:54I can't believe you gave him better rooms than me at Christmas.
11:55Let's give me one of those days.
11:56Right.
11:57Can we try and smile, yeah?
11:58Wonderful news, Mary.
11:59We want you to live with Princess Elizabeth.
12:00It will be convenient because you will be working for her as a servant.
12:02That's no position for a princess.
12:03But you're not a princess.
12:04Anymore, are you?
12:05Your daddy took your title away, didn't you, darling?
12:06Hmm?
12:07I certainly feel a bit peckish, actually.
12:08Let's see who you are.
12:09Dad, you can't let that woman talk.
12:10The queen?
12:11My mother, Catherine of Aragon, is the queen.
12:13Not any more, she hasn't.
12:14I'm just going to go grab a cup of pork chops.
12:16No.
12:17I eat when I'm nervous.
12:18And when I'm not nervous.
12:19I'm not nervous.
12:20Oh, that's no position for a princess.
12:21No.
12:22Your daddy took your title away, didn't you, darling?
12:23Hmm?
12:24I certainly feel a bit peckish, actually.
12:25It's a lady who you are!
12:26Dad, you can't let that woman talk!
12:29Uh!
12:30The queen?
12:31My mother, Catherine of Aragon, is the queen!
12:34Not any more, she hasn't!
12:35I'm just going to go grab a cup of pork chops.
12:40No.
12:42I eat when I'm nervous, and when I'm not nervous.
12:46I'm a hungry boy!
12:49They've taken away my household.
12:52And Boleyn has destroyed my life.
12:55I'm not calling her queen, and I'm not calling her daughter princess,
12:59and I'm not agreeing with her about anything ever.
13:02Hey, guys, just came to say hello to the baby.
13:04What's he doing here?
13:06Weird. Suddenly, all I can think about is pork chops.
13:09Chop off your block.
13:10I hate him.
13:12Oh, jinx!
13:13Ha!
13:15You can't keep calling yourself princess.
13:17This is my final word.
13:19Please, Daddy.
13:20Oh, go on, then. You can carry on.
13:22What can I say? I'm a big softie.
13:25I'm a princess.
13:27Have we had lunch already?
13:29Better have another one.
13:30Just go on the safe side.
13:32Yeah?
13:33Lunch. Swap it up.
13:37Hi.
13:38I'm the Prince of Wales, and when my old man,
13:41King George III dies,
13:42I'm going to be made King George IV.
13:44Let's hope that's not too far away.
13:46I'm King George III, his father,
13:49and I'm still alive.
13:50What's the best thing about being a prince?
13:53All that pampering.
13:55Spoiler rotten.
13:55I blame your mother.
13:56She thought he was so perfect
13:57that she put him on display to the public
13:59when he was just a week old.
14:00And people came from all over
14:02just to see his royal cuteness.
14:04I mean, you just look like any other baby.
14:06Yeah, well, mummy didn't think so.
14:08She had a life-size waxwork model made of me
14:10getting this little glass display jar.
14:13Actually, kind of creepy now that I think about it, but...
14:15Dad?
14:16Am I going to be King George IV?
14:24No.
14:25Clearly asleep.
14:27What's wrong with you?
14:27Many princes and princesses lived a life of luxury,
14:34but others had much more difficult lives.
14:37Some suffered like you wouldn't believe.
14:41One 18th-century African prince was taken from his home,
14:45sold into slavery, and forced to travel to America,
14:48where he did back-breaking work
14:51on a cotton plantation in Mississippi.
14:53His life did eventually improve a little,
14:55but it took time, a long time,
14:59a long, long, long time.
15:01Ladies and gentlemen,
15:03I am Prince Abdul Rachman Ibrahim Aswarai.
15:08Thank you all for coming tonight
15:10to hear the tale of my escape from captivity.
15:14Oh, forget it.
15:15I can't believe me, I.
15:17Could it really be?
15:19Prince Abdul!
15:20Oh, he tell you he was a prince too?
15:23Ignore him, he's just a slave.
15:25Prince Abdul, it's me, Dr. John Coates Cox.
15:29Your father, King Ibrahim,
15:30has saved me life when I was in West Africa.
15:33Dr. Cox!
15:35Oh, I was taken from my family's kingdom,
15:38and I have been enslaved here for 19 years.
15:41So sorry, Abdul.
15:42Hey, in your face, grumpy villager lady!
15:45I am a prince!
15:46It's true.
15:47He is a prince.
15:48Well, that's nice.
15:49The authorities here won't care.
15:52He's still enslaved.
15:53Over my dead body,
15:55Your Royal Highness.
15:56You will be free within a year.
16:0021 years later,
16:02I was still a slave,
16:04and my potential rescuer, Dr. Cox,
16:06was dead.
16:08But while my hopes were fading,
16:11others were still fighting my cause.
16:13Thank you for continuing Dr. Cox's work,
16:16Mr. Marshak,
16:17but I'm still here.
16:19So I wrote to your father,
16:21the Sultan of Morocco,
16:22and now he's written to the President of America.
16:25The Sultan of Morocco is not my father.
16:27Are you sure?
16:28I'm pretty sure, yeah.
16:29Anyway,
16:29the Sultan was so moved
16:31that he wrote directly to President Adams,
16:34who has now approved your journey home.
16:38To Morocco?
16:39Uh-huh.
16:39Which is not my home.
16:40I'll admit,
16:41there's some details that need ironing out,
16:42but Prince Abdul,
16:43don't you see?
16:44You can leave this place.
16:46You're free.
16:48This is really happening.
16:50Where's my wife?
16:51Darling, get the children.
16:53We are all free.
16:55Ooh.
16:56You did get the freedom
16:58for my wife and children, right?
16:59Oh, this is awkward.
17:02My eight children.
17:05I'm a free man now.
17:06I would do it to myself.
17:08And that is why I am here today,
17:10telling my story
17:12and raising money
17:13to buy freedom
17:14for the rest of my family.
17:16And I will not rest
17:17until I am done.
17:19Can't your dad,
17:19the Sultan of Morocco, help?
17:21Not my dad.
17:23Please, pay attention.
17:25This tour is very long.
17:27Prince Abdul did eventually
17:30make it back to Africa,
17:31but he sadly died
17:32before reaching his home again.
17:35Some princes and princesses
17:36choose to live their lives
17:37differently to most royals
17:39and march to the beat
17:40of their own drum,
17:41like my fellow suffragette,
17:43Princess Sophia de Leep Singh.
17:45Have you not heard of her?
17:46Wow.
17:47She's a huge celeb
17:48here in Edwardian England.
17:50She uses her fame
17:51to raise awareness
17:51for our cause.
17:53Votes for women.
17:54Votes for women.
17:54Votes for women.
17:55Votes for women.
17:56Votes for women.
17:58Votes for women.
17:59Votes for women.
18:01Votes for women.
18:03Votes for women.
18:04Hi, cuz.
18:05I don't see you
18:06at Hampton Court much.
18:07I thought Buckingham Palace
18:08was your vibe.
18:09I'm not your cuz,
18:10Princess Sophia.
18:11I am your king.
18:12Whatever.
18:12Make it quick.
18:13I've got rights to fight for
18:15and bikes to fix.
18:16OK, look.
18:17I know you're not a member
18:17of the British royal family,
18:19but you are a princess,
18:20and we royals
18:21are expected to behave
18:22in certain ways.
18:24Give us a hand
18:24oiling this chain.
18:25Certainly not.
18:26The daughter of a Maharaja
18:27should ride in a coach,
18:28not on a bike.
18:29But I'm the newspaper's
18:30face of female cycling.
18:32And how can you campaign
18:33for equality
18:34riding in a royal carriage?
18:35Look, Princess Sophia,
18:36your behaviour
18:37is embarrassing the family.
18:39Anymore,
18:40and I shall have to ask you
18:41to stop living
18:42in Hampton Court Palace.
18:44You can't.
18:45Your grandmother,
18:46Queen Victoria,
18:47was my godmother,
18:48and she gave me
18:49these rooms to live in
18:50before she died.
18:51They're mine.
18:52Cycling,
18:53selling suffragette newspapers,
18:55protesting with
18:56a troublemaking rabble.
18:57I'm just trying
18:58to do my bit.
18:59Oh, you could do your bit
19:02by paying some taxes.
19:04I won't pay tax
19:05until women have
19:06fair representation
19:07in government.
19:09Votes for women.
19:10Votes for women.
19:11Votes for women.
19:13Fine.
19:13Do what you want.
19:14Forget your royals.
19:16Please,
19:17try and make sure
19:18to keep your room tidy.
19:19Tidy my room?
19:20No way.
19:22We have maids for that?
19:23I am a princess,
19:25after all.
19:27Votes for women.
19:28Votes for women.
19:29Votes for women.
19:32Horribly Historical Musicals
19:35presents
19:35Alfield.
19:38Alfield,
19:39your mother and I
19:40can't always be with you,
19:42making sure
19:43you don't meet
19:44any boys.
19:45That's why
19:46we're putting a couple
19:47of deadly snakes
19:48in your room
19:49to keep them away.
19:52Sleep well.
19:53What?
19:54Don't touch me.
19:55Oh, snakes.
19:56Get off.
19:57I'll never get
19:58a boyfriend now.
19:59I'm...
20:00Princess Alfield,
20:02you're gonna get killed
20:03by the viper
20:04that guards me.
20:06Watch where you tread
20:07or you'll end up
20:08dead with a capital D.
20:10Go away!
20:11Yes, I'm surrounded
20:12by snakes
20:13and those are
20:14some serious snakes
20:16for a terminally
20:17curious prince
20:18or three.
20:21Like a princess
20:23from an old school
20:24fairy tale,
20:25Alfield wants to
20:26find her prince.
20:28Prince Alf,
20:29you got past the snakes
20:31and rescued me.
20:32Let's get married.
20:34It'll be
20:35a whole new life.
20:39Golden slippers
20:41and silver frocks.
20:43I'll be your wife.
20:47No snakes hiding
20:49in my socks.
20:51Wait!
20:52You're getting married?
20:54All you know about him
20:55is that he can avoid snakes.
20:56Fine.
20:57You win.
20:58I won't marry him.
20:59Yes.
21:00I'll dress up as a man
21:01and become a pirate.
21:03Happy now!
21:04Oh.
21:05Wait.
21:06What has happened?
21:07Alfield,
21:07the true story
21:08of the princess
21:09whose parents
21:09filled her bedroom
21:10with snakes
21:11and who ran off
21:12to become a pirate.
21:13Piracy,
21:14debts for me.
21:16Plundering,
21:17boats at sea.
21:18I think we can
21:19all agree
21:20there'll never be
21:21a queen like me.
21:23Alfield,
21:24a princess tale
21:25like you've never
21:26seen before.
21:27Um,
21:27I'm still a bit confused
21:28by the whole pirate thing.
21:30Oh,
21:30and does anyone
21:31have any anti-venom
21:32for my bottom?
21:33Oh!
21:33Oh!
21:33Loom and
21:36loom and
21:37the living toilet
21:37who ran
21:38from the Middle Ages
21:39with a bucket
21:40so that you can
21:41have a poop
21:42in a private place
21:44sinking on my bucket
21:45with a cape
21:46to hide your face.
21:48And bum,
21:49and when you're done,
21:50I will charge
21:51depending
21:51if you did
21:52until I won.
21:53Loom and
21:54please welcome
21:56today's historical figure
21:57who really needs
21:58the loo,
21:59Bonnie Prince Charlie.
22:06Greetings,
22:07friend.
22:08Are you Bonnie Prince Charlie,
22:10the 18th century prince
22:11who laid claim
22:12to the thrones
22:12of England,
22:13Scotland
22:13and Ireland?
22:15Yeah?
22:15Who are you?
22:16Sorry,
22:17I just really need a loo.
22:19I am loom and
22:21you have travelled
22:23through time
22:24from the 18th century
22:25to use
22:26my first-rate
22:27toilet
22:27facility.
22:29Hello.
22:30It's
22:31plot quiz.
22:34Answer questions
22:35one and two
22:36and I'll let you do a
22:37woo!
22:38I really, really need
22:39the toilets.
22:40Can we say no more?
22:41Question number one.
22:42What is your
22:43proudest moment?
22:45Well,
22:46my grandfather,
22:47James II,
22:47was robbed
22:48of his English throne
22:49during the
22:49glorious revolution
22:51just for being a bit
22:52Catholic.
22:53So,
22:53my proudest moment
22:54would be when
22:55I am
22:55my Jacobite troops
22:56crushed
22:57the British
22:58in battle,
22:59bringing me closer
23:00to taking my throne
23:02back from the
23:02usurper,
23:03George II.
23:05Throne?
23:05As in the toilet?
23:06No,
23:07the throne as in
23:08the throne.
23:09I am the
23:09rightful king of
23:10Britain
23:10and I really
23:11need a poo.
23:13What about that?
23:14Question number two.
23:16What?
23:17It gets me
23:17every time.
23:18Come on,
23:19come on,
23:19come on,
23:19come on!
23:20What was your
23:21most embarrassing
23:22moment?
23:23Uh,
23:23a rebellion
23:24ran out of luck
23:25around the time
23:26of the battle
23:26of Culloden
23:26and the English
23:27captured 3,500
23:29of my men
23:29and executed
23:30120.
23:31And?
23:32I had to escape
23:33in a boat
23:33while disguised
23:34as an Irish maid.
23:35Now,
23:35can I please
23:35go to the toilet?
23:36I'm nearly touching
23:37Tartan!
23:38You may pass!
23:39Liquids and or solids.
23:41That's hot,
23:42man.
23:42Come on!
23:43Join me next time
23:44when I'll be stopping
23:45another historical
23:47solet from
23:47doing a poo
23:48to ask the
23:49questions
23:49just for...
23:52Can you say it
23:52with me,
23:53Johnny Prince Charlie?
23:54Just for you!
24:04Hi,
24:04I'm Prince Edward,
24:05eldest son of
24:06Edward III,
24:08Earl of Chester,
24:09Prince of Wales,
24:10Duke of Cornwall,
24:11and absolute lad.
24:12People also call me
24:13the Black Prince
24:14on account of my
24:15sleek black armour
24:16and because I'm
24:17hard as nails.
24:19What's the best thing
24:19about being a prince?
24:21Easy.
24:22The weapons.
24:23Like this bad boy.
24:28This beauty's
24:29retired now,
24:30but I've given it
24:31a place of honour
24:32in the royal hall.
24:33Every day,
24:34it gets fed a ration
24:34of its own food.
24:36Gonna keep your strength
24:37up, haven't we?
24:38Huh?
24:39What's that?
24:40He likes chops!
24:42Such a great
24:43sense of humour.
24:44So, that was
24:46some of history's
24:47most pitiful princes
24:48and princesses,
24:49and many of them
24:50never even got
24:51to be king or queen,
24:53especially the girls.
24:55Until 2013,
24:56it was the oldest
24:57boy who took the throne,
24:59even if he had
25:00older sisters.
25:01Imagine!
25:02The most important
25:03thing you've got to do
25:04if you want to be
25:05in charge
25:06is to stay alive,
25:08and that wasn't
25:09so easy in the old days.
25:10Just ask the Black
25:11Prince Edward,
25:12Prince Arthur Tudor,
25:13and Frederick,
25:14Prince of Wales.
25:19When I was
25:21a young prince,
25:22my father
25:23took me
25:25into the palace
25:26to say
25:27I'd rule the land.
25:30He said,
25:32son, when
25:32you grow up,
25:34you'll be king,
25:36the great king
25:37Arthur Tudor,
25:39your life's already
25:40planned.
25:41Yeah!
25:43But I've dropped dead
25:44at fifteen,
25:46they gave my
25:47crowned queen
25:49to my brother,
25:51who later
25:52divorced her.
25:53And they left
25:56me
25:57a side note,
25:58a phantom
25:59in the sad
26:01parade of
26:02great kings
26:04that never
26:04were.
26:11Poor Edward
26:12died of
26:13dysentery,
26:14we call him
26:15the Black Prince.
26:16No throne
26:17for him,
26:18that stylish
26:19warrior.
26:19when Frederick
26:23got awful
26:24sick,
26:24his dad
26:25George was
26:25relieved,
26:27cause as an
26:28heir,
26:28Fred was
26:29below par.
26:31He can't
26:32roll on,
26:33we can't
26:34roll on,
26:36so let's
26:37hear it for
26:38the roll call
26:39of kings
26:40you never
26:41knew at all.
26:43We can't
26:44roll on,
26:46but don't
26:47forget the
26:48kings you
26:48never had
26:49cause we
26:50all died
26:51before our
26:52dad.
26:53Disappointing
26:53Fred drew
26:54his last
26:55brat.
26:57Ed looked
26:58cool but
26:58put himself
26:59to death.
27:02And there's
27:03also me,
27:04and don't
27:05forget
27:05Alfonso.
27:08Alfonso?
27:09Yeah,
27:10Alfonso.
27:11Dad was
27:12Edward I,
27:13I was going
27:13to be king
27:13of England,
27:14but I died
27:14in 1234.
27:15Come on.
27:17We could have
27:17rules,
27:18but we won't
27:19come so
27:19we could have
27:20had
27:20a king
27:21Alfonso.
27:22There's no
27:23king Fred
27:23to be
27:24anointing
27:25because he's
27:26dead,
27:26dead
27:27disappointing.
27:28They're never
27:28kings,
27:29the sad
27:29procession.
27:30It really
27:31stings with
27:32no succession.
27:33We die too
27:34young,
27:35that much is
27:35clear.
27:36So I get
27:37of Diary.
27:44Can we all
27:46stop going on
27:46about how I
27:46pooed myself
27:47to death?
27:48There's nothing
27:48wrong with
27:48pooing yourself
27:49to death.
27:49People did it
27:50all the time.
27:51Shut up,
27:51Alfonso.
27:52Don't
27:53stop going on
27:53to death.
27:55No,
27:56you
27:58don't
27:58not
27:59have or
28:00to death.
28:01I
28:02have never
28:02been
28:03hit.
28:03I
28:03have never
28:04dove
28:05are
28:05anywhere.
28:06You
28:06can't
28:07die.
28:08I
28:09have never
28:09come out of
28:10this.
28:11I
28:11have never
28:12come out of
28:13this.
28:13I
28:15have never
28:15to have
28:16another
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