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Short filmTranscript
00:00MUSIC PLAYS
00:02MUSIC PLAYS
00:04MUSIC PLAYS
00:06MUSIC FADES
00:08MUSIC FADES
00:10MUSIC FADES
00:12MUSIC FADES
00:14MUSIC FADES
00:16MUSIC FADES
00:18MUSIC FADES
00:20WELL, WELCOME TO THE BEST OF THE TWO JOHNNY'S LATIN' NIGHT LOCKIN!
00:26WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL.
00:37THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT MOMENTS FROM THE LAST SERIES.
00:38WHO CAN FORGET MARGOL ROBBIE GIVEN JOHNNY B A PIGGYBACK?
00:40THE TIME WE BET RONALDO ON HEDDERS AND VOLLEEYS.
00:42YEAH, TAYLOR SWIFT AND SPREINA CARPUTER.
00:45REMEMBER THEY DID THAT ACCUSIC VERSION OF THE GADIS GAM, THE RAF?
00:47THAT'S RIGHT.
00:48BUT IT TELLS YOU JUST HOW GOOD TONIGHT'S SHOW IS.
00:51BECAUSE NONE OF THEM MADE THE HIGHLIGHT REAL!
00:52Real
00:55All right, let's take a look at what didn't make the call roll that 10
01:02Now it's time to find out who's in the bar
01:07Who's in the bar
01:09Don't know how he learned how to do this bike and balance things on my nose on my face
01:13I can balance pretty much pretty much anything. I think on your face. Yeah, that's your base
01:19It's new now
01:42About one ear in first
01:45And then another one, but this is where the real trick happens
01:49Oh
01:51Oh
01:55That's amazing
01:57Peek booty clap
01:59I'm gonna keep on dancing at the peak booty clap
02:03I'm gonna keep on dancing down in West Hollywood
02:07I'm gonna keep on dancing at the peak booty clap
02:12Peak booty clap
02:14Yeah
02:20Jesus lads
02:22What do you say that?
02:24Can you do that? I don't want to put you on the spot
02:26What's your record lads?
02:28What am I bloody down here?
02:30What am I bloody down here?
02:32Yeah
02:34I
03:04I
03:26You yourself almost had a career as a pop star. I did audition for a boy band for Louie Walsh. Yeah
03:33Well, how'd it go? Yeah, not great
03:37It was in the pod in Dublin remember the pod? Yeah, yeah, they call my name up, and I'm starting to sing I can show you the world from Aladdin
03:50I don't know. I don't know what I started to avoid
03:55I started I went I'm in trouble
03:57So afterwards anyway Louie kept that kept going to me come that won't get you
04:01I'm gonna put you in a band. I'm gonna put you in a band. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay
04:04I'm getting all brilliant after that audition took me outside. He says
04:08Maybe not this band, but but I'm definitely working in something. I was like, all right brilliant. Oh, thank God
04:12I thought I really messed that up. It's like yeah
04:14Yeah, no, we get you in something. I really want to do something when you have gone brilliant. He said now we have to get something done with them ears
04:19What? I have to get something done with them ears. Yeah, and I was like, I was looking and going, I'm only 16
04:28Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure
04:30So I went home and I was saying to my ma, he said I have to get something done with my ears
04:34I was thinking my ma would say like cheeky bastard
04:36Yeah, yeah, yeah
04:37And my ma turned around and said, do you want to get something done with them?
04:39I was like, what the fuck is wrong with me ears?
04:43Last week in York, there was a man playing with himself up in the stalls of the show. I know I was thrilled. Yeah
04:53I was absolutely delighted. I was like, shut up
04:59Was he hot? Was he wearing a ring? What was the crack?
05:01Because that's just never happened, but he was like having a little now
05:05I was fed. I didn't know how in tech he was having a little go of himself. I'd say he wasn't having a fall
05:11Right, you know what I mean? It wasn't full of pepper shit. No, it was like
05:17Yeah, it was, it was a little sprinkling, would you say a little sprinkling of sorts? A fondle
05:22A fondle. It's like he was playing three blind mice on himself
05:27Because then I didn't know. Well, anyway, I saw the footage of it and it was quite innocent in the end
05:31Okay, it wasn't the compliment I thought it was
05:34When he was removed, you just went and I was like, that's not that hot. You should have fought for me, do you know what I mean?
05:41I want to stay and finish because she's still hot. I just left
05:44So that's the closest thing I've had. What kind of commitment is that? I think I'm seeing him now
05:49I think we're gonna date. True or false, were you the only boy in an all-girls school?
05:54True, yeah. True. Why? What? I don't know. I didn't make up the rules. Not with me, folks
06:04I think they just left it so long to put me into a school that there was no in our local area
06:08There was no places left, right? So they had to just get you have to go to school. It's it's law
06:14Yeah, and eventually the only school that would take me was to was the girl's school
06:17So I went in so I spent the first seven years in my school with all girls in my class and everything
06:23We have a picture of you here
06:25I
06:35Very overdressed for a Monday
06:37That was just what I wore to school
06:40I look like a little cult leader in that time
06:42It's like all these little miniature wives that this little cult leader has
06:47Looking back on it, I was like no one's gonna want to touch me. Well, I was wrong
06:51I didn't know it blew up and then then I tweet Putin and it was this worst thing ever
06:57You tweeted who?
06:59Vladimir Putin
07:02What did you say to him?
07:04Hey bro, how much did you pay them?
07:06Oh
07:08He's here tonight making that
07:13I'm not loud
07:18Scourious
07:20The time for about a year or two after that
07:23Anything by some versions I shit myself
07:25I was like someone's just gonna stick a pen on me
07:27And I'll have say now poison
07:29What is your record in the long jump?
07:316.32
07:326 meters
07:34Pints 3.2
07:35Right well the reason we're asking that is because
07:38Earlier myself and Smacks gave it a go
07:42We didn't know what was a good length, what was a bad length
07:45We've got a video here of Johnny trying to see it
07:49Here we go
07:51Now I just want to say I am carrying a quad injury
08:00I didn't have the right runners
08:03Several things
08:04Right okay
08:04Would you do the honours
08:05Can we stand up?
08:06Yeah, here you go
08:07You can reveal that
08:09Where you are there
08:10Smacks got 1.7
08:11I'll take that
08:13I'll take that
08:14Pretty good
08:15It doesn't
08:20It looks better measured out than it does on the video
08:23Let's have a look and see how Johnny B got on
08:29He was cheating, he had really good runners on
08:30What did you get John?
08:32I did slightly better, I got 2.2
08:35What did you say you got again?
08:376.32
08:386.32
08:39Okay, we're just going to explain that to people
08:41If we can
08:42You jumped
08:44So there's 4
08:48There's 5 meters
08:506.32 here
08:59Well I have two dogs
09:00I had two dogs
09:01I've had a three-legged lurcher called Lola for years
09:04And then we fostered Mick who has four legs
09:08And there they are there
09:12I don't know what they're doing
09:14It looks like Lola's going
09:25You've got to earn your place in this house
09:28We know at the same time that say all ye jockeys
09:30You're all in the same way room
09:31You're all like kind of talking out together for want of a better room
09:34We're literally beside each other
09:36Can it get spicy in there like?
09:37Can it be
09:38Do you know what I mean?
09:39Like I'll be honest
09:39Like if some lad cut me off now in a corner
09:41He'd be
09:41Yeah, there's kind of a cord
09:43Right
09:43It can get spicy
09:44There'd be a couple of
09:45But really like we're small little lads
09:50It's kind of a morvan
09:53Don't do that again
09:55Why is Samba so hard?
09:56Because it's all about like bouncing and moving your hips and your body
09:59Is there any music in this place?
10:05Can we get a bit of Samba music?
10:08Can you explain how does it go?
10:24Hang on, could you explain the basic steps?
10:27So that's actually whoever I put that song on that's very fast
10:30Right so we don't normally go that quick but they're a batch of cadas that you would do to that
10:35I knew it was a batch of cadas
10:36Yeah
10:37Classic batch of cadas
10:38So you close your feet
10:39Right close your feet lads
10:40I hope you all do with us
10:41I hope you all do with us
10:41And girls come on
10:43Head around the pub here we go lads
10:43Right okay listen up here we go
10:45So we close our feet and we're going to go back on our right and then left
10:48So it's literally just back back and stay up on your toes wiggling your hips
10:51So we let you go boom boom boom boom boom
10:56Right
10:57Not bad
10:58And then we'll just shake
11:01You ready for music?
11:02Hang on hang on hang on
11:03But do you reckon we want people to learn to dance
11:07Oh you're doing it behind the bar
11:08We want people to learn to dance
11:09Yeah
11:10But there probably won't be too much Samba music on in the pub in Tipperary
11:13Yeah
11:13Okay
11:14So can we do this to a song that you might hear in a pub in Ireland?
11:16Oh we can make it work
11:17Okay right lads
11:18Kiddish
11:19Here we go
11:44Okay well seeing as you are the only real pro presenter here
11:48You do live television all the time
11:49Oh
11:50Would you read the autocue and throw it to the link for us?
11:52I would love to
11:52Where am I going down here?
11:53You see the screens on top here here we go
11:55Okay we have got a camera on the streets of Waterford where everyone
11:58smells of cabbage and I'd never go there because they're all sod busting blah eating bog monsters and Limerick to know what it is
12:04It's way better also I love the two audience
12:10I love the two audience and their fair glass
12:11The two Johnnies not the two audience
12:11Thank you
12:12Thank you
12:13Thank you
12:14Wow and William wrote that herself before she came up
12:18Let's have another game of Irish or Aussie let's head back to Coogee beach in Sydney
12:23Oh
12:25It feels like home in a way doesn't it?
12:27Right so just by looking at somebody
12:29Who's this then?
12:31Who's this then?
12:33This lad looks so scared get in on him
12:35I love the two audience and I love the two audience and their fair glass
12:37The two Johnnies not the two audience
12:39Thank you
12:40Thank you
12:41Wow and William wrote that herself before she came up
12:43Let's have another game of Irish or Aussie let's head back to Coogee beach in Sydney
12:47Oh
12:49It feels like home in a way doesn't it?
12:51Doesn't it even just buzzing?
12:53Right so just by looking at somebody
12:55Who's this lad?
12:57Who's this Irish or the Australian?
12:59This lad looks so scared get in on him
13:01Get in on him
13:03Oh he's got budgie
13:05Okay don't say Anthony man you're live on television nod your head if you're up for playing a game
13:09I think he's got a big Irish head in him but he's Australian from the neck down
13:13Yeah
13:15If that's at all possible
13:17Joanne what do you reckon?
13:19I agree with you the pants aren't they're not no Irish man to wear those pants
13:23But he does have an Irish head
13:25I'm confused
13:26Audience what do you reckon Irish or Aussie?
13:28Yes
13:30Okay what's your name Mike and where are you from?
13:32Joanne from Ireland
13:36We've got a game that we're calling We Aren't Family
13:40Yeah so we've got a camera out in the streets of Galway where all the members of the family are dancing to the same tune
13:45But here's the catch one person isn't in the family your job is to spot the imposter
13:50Okay okay all right let's go live to Galway
13:52Okay here we go
13:56Lads we've got the DeSantis family
13:58I feel like I know already
14:00From one to six straight away
14:02Roddy you're looking at them who do you think is not in the family?
14:06In the family?
14:08They're all family
14:10Yeah they're all family bar one
14:12That fella number two he looks a bit wrong
14:14Andrew what do you reckon Andrew?
14:16Preserved
14:18Number three because he looks too happy
14:20No family is that happy
14:22Okay Karen what do you reckon?
14:24Oh now you're going close it's hard
14:26No so that's so they look the image
14:28That fella on the end looks like he's just being plumped there
14:32It could be him right
14:34He looks so awkward
14:36They say the rhythm is in the genes so let's find out
14:38We'll get them dancing let's see
14:40Is this live?
14:42Yeah this is live in Galway
14:44Right hit the music
14:46Oh I'm taking number four
14:50Who do you reckon?
14:54Oh
14:56It's amazing number four is dancing with his pull
15:00Karen who's not in the family?
15:02Oh that's so hard
15:04I tell you I think
15:06I think number three is American
15:08Number three looks a bit foreign
15:10But someone is number one
15:12That girl looks too jolly compared to the rest
15:14Okay lads who's not in the family?
15:16Three
15:18What do you call it? What number?
15:20Four you reckon?
15:21Ronnie Rick is four
15:22I'll tell you what say it not because we'll find out after the break
15:24That she knows all the way
15:26That she knows all the way
15:28When I'm flapping them at the party house
15:30I'm better than for this
15:32We are family
15:34We are family
15:36We are family
15:38We are family
15:40We are family
15:42We are family
15:44We are family
15:46Hey!
15:48Welcome back to The Two Johnny's Late Night Lock-In!
15:50Now before the break we've seen the DeSantos family on the streets of Galway
15:56But one person wasn't actually part of the family John
15:58Yes let's go back to Galway and see lads
16:00Right looking at the screens
16:02Who do we think is not part of the family lads?
16:04What do you reckon? What number?
16:06Six
16:08What are we saying? Okay okay moment of truth
16:10Moment of truth we think it's number four
16:12Some people are saying number six
16:14Would the real imposter
16:16Please step forward
16:26Okay number four
16:28What's your name and how do you know the family or have you ever met them before?
16:30My name is Cian and I have no idea who these people are
16:34Put your hands together and a big thank you to everybody on the streets of Galway
16:38We're raising children not to play outside because it's too dangerous
16:56Don't let them play outside
16:58Why? What in case they discover exploration independence problem-solving resilience and essential fucking adult skills
17:04And ironically leaving them indoors with the iPad where the paedophiles actually live by the way
17:10On the internet
17:12So we find ourselves in an environment
17:16I learnt this recently
17:18Ireland
17:20Has a navy
17:24We've seven boats lads
17:26Oh the dictators of the world are shitting themselves now aren't they huh?
17:30We have seven ships seven vessels and their job
17:34Is to go around the island
17:36To go around the island
17:38Now I don't know if they go up the north
17:40Right?
17:42I haven't googled it yet right?
17:44So they go three quarters around the island right?
17:46Or up the...
17:48I'm a cross community comedian
17:50Pick your side lads right?
17:52And their job and I didn't know this
17:54When I go to bed at night on my lovely warm pillow
17:56There's men and women out there
17:58On the water
18:00Away from their own families
18:02Four or five weeks at a time
18:04Protecting our country
18:06They're away from their own families
18:08Riding each other
18:10Oh they're all at it
18:12Just like the guards and the teachers
18:14They live out in the Atlantic Ocean
18:24They love it like
18:26And they're away from...
18:28They're away from...
18:30Away from their own families protecting our country
18:32And I'm at home
18:34And these people will never let us down
18:36If we ever get invaded
18:38But only in Ireland would this happen
18:40That one day on the news
18:42To the rest of the world
18:44That five of the ships were broken?
18:46What sort of a country
18:48Announces to the rest of the world
18:52That their first line of defence
18:54Is broken?
18:56Keep your mouth shut lads!
18:58Tell them you have a hundred boats
19:00And say nothing right?
19:02I know the UK have a policy to stop the boats
19:04In Ireland we can't even fecking start ours
19:06Like you know
19:08This is the weirdest RT show I have ever done ladies and gentlemen
19:18And I just recently did High Road Low Road for RT1
19:21Did anybody see it?
19:22Yeah, if anybody see it
19:23Ok you flick a coin
19:24Two percentage flick a coin
19:25One person gets the high road
19:26The high end
19:27Five star experience
19:28The other person gets the low road
19:29The shite experience
19:30High road low road
19:31Colin Murphy and I went to Poland
19:33Colin Murphy got front road tickets
19:35To a Coldplay concert
19:36Backstage passes
19:37Backstage passes
19:38And a chance to chat to Chris Martin
19:40One on one for 25 minutes
19:41And I
19:42Got to High Road
19:47Stayed at home
19:49Didn't chat to Coldplay
19:52I am single at the minute
19:53Erm
19:54Oh yes
19:55Meet me at the bar afterwards
19:57Erm
19:58But I think
19:59I think I know why I'm single now
20:00I think I figured it out
20:01I think it's because I like to think
20:02I can change a man
20:04Yes
20:05Yes
20:06The girls over here as well
20:07We love a little bit of a project don't we
20:09Yes
20:10You know the way some men like to fix cars
20:12Yes
20:13Well I like to fix men
20:14I'll look for something on the verge of breaking down
20:17And I'll be like
20:18Come here to me
20:19And then I'll spend two years under that thing
20:22Making sure it's road worthy
20:24Don't worry guys
20:26As a comedian you're in safe hands with me
20:28I'm very woke
20:29Unbelievable
20:30Unbelievable
20:31Like even when it comes to the old
20:33LGBTQTA
20:34I've got a best friend for every letter
20:36I do
20:37I've got a best friend for every
20:39Like lesbian
20:40That's my friend Jyvonne
20:41Like G
20:42That's my friend Brian
20:43Like T-trance
20:44That's my friend Jyvonne again
20:45She's great
20:46She covers a load of letters for me actually
20:50She's unreal that one
20:51She's great
20:52She doesn't cover asexually at the end
20:55People who don't want to have sex
20:56But my wife sorts that one out
20:57So it's fine
20:58You learn a lot when you become a dad
21:00The breastfeeding and all that
21:01I remember the very first time ever experiencing it
21:02I was there with my wife she was trying to feed the baby
21:04It wasn't really working
21:05I didn't realise I thought it just would work all the time you know
21:06And God bless the nurses
21:07And nurse came into the room
21:08And grabbed my wife's breast and my son's head
21:09With the elegance of a builder
21:10You know
21:11You know
21:12Like picking an extension lead out of a puddle
21:13I'll get it to work don't worry
21:14And now I kind of thrive on the awkwardness you know
21:16I love it
21:17Like my wife's dad was coming to visit when we had the baby
21:18And um
21:19I could see by the walk on the man
21:20When he walked into the living room that he was gonna go for a kiss with the baby
21:21And I also knew his daughter was feeding the baby
21:22And I was like
21:23And I was like
21:25And I came into the room
21:26And grabbed my wife's breast and my son's head
21:28with the elegance of a builder
21:29You know
21:30Like picking an extension lead out of a puddle
21:31I'll get it to work don't worry
21:32And now I kind of thrive on the awkwardness you know
21:33I love it
21:34I love it. Like, my wife's dad was coming to visit when we had the baby, and I could see by the walk on the man
21:41when he walked into the living room that he was going to go for a kiss with the baby, and
21:46I also knew his daughter was feeding the baby.
21:53So I could have stopped him.
21:57But I was bored out of my mind, you know.
21:59I said, ah, this'll be good. And fair play to him, he must have known when he got to there, but he kept going all the way down.
22:06It was so awkward, and then he tried to make a joke about it, which is something I wouldn't recommend, to be quite honest with you,
22:12because the joke he went for that evening, right, was,
22:15leave some for me, you greedy little shit.
22:19But I got lads, yeah. Well, you haven't seen him since, you know.
22:23Oh, he doesn't.
22:25Am I the only fucker that can see the obvious link between the decline of drinking alcohol and the rise of celibacy?
22:32It's fucking obvious!
22:35Siobhan and Noel, I don't know how long you've been together.
22:3924 years, right?
22:40We don't even need to check, right?
22:42Unless you're a Muslim or a recovering addict, Noel, you were off your tits the first time you got it on with Siobhan.
22:47With Siobhan. There is no, there is no, there is no other way, there is no, there is, sorry.
23:00Guaranteed, well.
23:06Well, we know.
23:09Well, now that's guaranteed then, I know.
23:11We don't even need to check, Noel, do not confirm or deny, I know for a fact,
23:14you wouldn't even be here tonight, you never would...
23:18Were it not for alcohol, you would not have been created.
23:21There'd be an empty space, there'd be no rose.
23:24Noel would have had to get to the point where I'd go,
23:25I could see two of you, can I smash one of you?
23:28It would have been something like that.
23:31Wouldn't it?
23:32It's bang on, thank you.
23:34That's it, put your chips on my back, Noel, that's it.
23:37That's it.
23:38I can feel the vinegar on my Chinese tattoo.
23:40Thank you very much, good evening.
23:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:47Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for one of the greatest quizzes of all time.
23:50It's...
23:51The Parish Quiz!
23:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24:09I also heard you're a lifeguard, you're a qualified lifeguard.
24:12Yeah, technically yeah, but I can't swim.
24:16Right, so you're a lifeguard and you can't swim.
24:18You're aware of what lifeguards do.
24:19LAUGHTER
24:21How, who, how did you qualify?
24:23Erm, I did a class in school with about 20 other people
24:26and I was the only one that failed.
24:28And they felt bad, so they passed me.
24:30LAUGHTER
24:32I'll tell you one thing Dean, if I'm ever in the river lab,
24:34please, please, just offer me a suit instead or something.
24:37What are you up to yourself?
24:38Oh, doing a bit of milking, doing a bit of nursing.
24:40Bit of milking, a bit of nursing.
24:42Bit of nursing, bit of milking, yeah.
24:43The two ends of it, you know.
24:46LAUGHTER
24:49Trying, I'm in my...
24:51He's doing dinners.
24:52I only dropped out once and I didn't drop out this past two years,
24:54so I'm doing well now.
24:56Should get on to Dean's teacher, he'll definitely pass.
24:59LAUGHTER
25:00And who are you milking?
25:01Or who are you milking for?
25:03LAUGHTER
25:04Who are you milking for?
25:05Eh...
25:07Pat Callum, he's a fellow up the road from me, so...
25:10Right.
25:11Milking there nearly five years, so...
25:12Now, we heard you had an interest in the old Rose of Tralee yourself.
25:15What's this?
25:16What's going on?
25:17We're only about 40 minutes odd from Tralee at home,
25:18so we go back every year.
25:19So I recognised a few of the faces when I came in this evening.
25:22And we love it, yeah.
25:23And how do you think Caitlin is doing?
25:24Oh, she's fab.
25:25Caitlin's a dote, yeah.
25:26Such a good girl.
25:27Great answer, Rose Tralee answering.
25:29Great answer, Rose Tralee answering.
25:30Oh, 100%.
25:31I feel like that you're sure already.
25:32What a kill lady.
25:33Hold on, lads.
25:34Do you have a favourite animal?
25:35I do...
25:36Snoopy the cow.
25:37Snoopy the cow, no.
25:38Is Snoopy the cow just your favourite?
25:39Or is it a pet, or what?
25:40Oh, it's a pet, yeah.
25:41No, she...
25:42As a calf and a heifer, she used to snoop into her pockets...
25:44Right.
25:45To see what she could find.
25:46Usually sweets or something, you know.
25:47Oh, it's a pet, yeah.
25:48As a calf and a heifer, she used to snoop into her pockets...
25:50Right.
25:51To see what she could find.
25:52Usually sweets or something, you know.
25:53Oh, it's a pet, yeah.
25:54Something good.
25:55So that's why she got the name Snoopy.
25:56The way I've left your favourite, there's a lot of money in there.
25:57There's none of that, Johnny.
25:58And representing us is Jake Kiney.
25:59How are you, Jake?
26:00Too bad, no.
26:01Too bad.
26:02Well, Jake, how are you getting on, man?
26:03I'm wrecked.
26:04Jesus Christ.
26:05Well, how are you wrecked?
26:06A fair long way up, mate.
26:07I used to load it.
26:08We're up here every week, man.
26:09Come on.
26:10I used to load it.
26:11I used to load it.
26:12I used to load it.
26:13I used to load it.
26:14I used to load it.
26:15I used to load it.
26:16I used to load it.
26:17I used to load it.
26:18I used to load it.
26:19I used to load it.
26:20I used to load it.
26:21I used to load it.
26:22I used to load it.
26:23We're up here every week, man.
26:24Come on.
26:25You could stay home and we'd see each other as well, mate.
26:28Kicking off with John in Ross-Noree.
26:30Here's your question.
26:31Hi, Johnny.
26:32Congratulations on becoming the third Johnny.
26:35Just to ask you, who was the captain of the St Mary's adult team that won the Junior
26:40B Championship?
26:41And here's his mother.
26:44It's a mirage.
26:45The man asking the question is standing right there.
26:58And then the mother is there.
27:01You obviously recognise that woman.
27:03I do, yeah.
27:04Who is it?
27:05Who is it?
27:06It's Mammy.
27:07Wait, the woman in the video is your mother?
27:10Yeah.
27:11OK, so the answer to the question is?
27:13My brother, James Lynch.
27:19And the answer is James Lynch.
27:26Munter Connacht, we're back to you.
27:27Let's have your next question.
27:31Well, Amy, Conor here.
27:32I'm with the two Fergals.
27:33You're with the two Johnnies.
27:34Munter Connacht last won the Junior Championship in 1976 against Banyan.
27:39Question for you today is?
27:41Whose cows are those?
27:43Whose cows are they out the back of the GA field?
27:48Right.
27:49It is Owen Brodie's cows.
27:52Owen Brodie's cows.
27:53Yes.
27:54Right, well let's find out if you're right.
27:55And the answer is the Brodie's.
27:58Yay!
27:59Yay!
28:02Tyg, we're starting with Nurnie.
28:03Here we go.
28:04Here's your question.
28:05Hi, Tyg.
28:06Gillian here from The Shop.
28:07Can you tell us which local farmer sells us these potatoes?
28:13No, Tyg.
28:14That's Gillian from The Shop.
28:16No need for first names.
28:18The Shop.
28:19I like how you roll in Nurnie.
28:21Too much hardship to name The Shop.
28:24It's just The Shop.
28:25Who produces them spuds?
28:27Eh, jeez.
28:29John Byrne.
28:30John Byrne.
28:31OK.
28:32All right.
28:33John Byrne.
28:34Let's find out if you're right.
28:36And the answer is The Byrnes.
28:38Well done, well done.
28:39And I'm tight.
28:40And I'm tight.
28:41And I'm tight.
28:42And I'm tight.
28:43And I'm tight.
28:44And I'm tight.
28:45And I'm tight.
28:46And I'm tight.
28:47OK, Aisling.
28:49Let's go back to Khalidi for your next question.
28:53Hi, Aisling.
28:54Margaret and Mike here.
28:55We're here in The Shop in Nahida.
28:57And Margaret has a question for you.
28:59Aisling, what year did my mother open The Shop?
29:02No, that is Khalidi's posh and becks, Margaret and Mike.
29:09In what year did Margaret's mother open The Shop?
29:14Like, I think it's the 50s.
29:17Between 53 and 54.
29:19Come on, give it a go.
29:2054.
29:211954.
29:22OK, let's go back to Dexter's laboratory and find out.
29:26And the answer is 1953.
29:31What is it for you?
29:36Unlucky, unlucky.
29:40Jake, you ready?
29:41Just to go up now.
29:43Let's go to the Premier County for your next question.
29:49Hi, Jake.
29:50Andy here.
29:51With Phil McCool's two hounds.
29:53But last Thursday evening, this hound here, Pepe,
29:56had a big birthday party in Palmucca.
29:58Your father was there with many others.
30:00He had a cheesecake.
30:01The lads had a sponge cake.
30:03But what age was Pepe?
30:05What age was Pepe the dog last week?
30:11I wasn't invited.
30:12I didn't even get to collect a feather that night.
30:16That dog's fair old.
30:2016.
30:21That's a fair age.
30:22Let's go back to Andy and find out if you're right.
30:24Hi, Jake.
30:25I hope you got it right or you'll be in trouble the next evening.
30:28But Mr Pepe celebrated his 16th birthday.
30:33It's a draw, lads.
30:34Which means we need a tiebreaker.
30:35Right.
30:36Can we get Davey Russell to give us a hand with this tiebreaker?
30:40Davey Russell.
30:41Jump in here, Dave.
30:42This is a tough quiz, lads.
30:43It is a tough quiz.
30:44Well, you see, you're not from those parishes.
30:45I'm not.
30:461953 and 1954, do you know what I mean?
30:50No.
30:51Okay, lads.
30:52So, our question is, Davey Russell, champion jockey, all his life had to be on top of his weight in order to race.
31:09Our question is, now he's retired, what weight is he?
31:13Do you have a weight, kids?
31:15No, please.
31:16Tyg and Nerney to the nearest kg.
31:19What weight would you say, Davey?
31:20He's laying the mutton down on his feet.
31:22What's your reckon, Tyg?
31:25His hind quarters are...
31:28Have a good look at him now.
31:32What would you put on him, Tyg?
31:34Eh...
31:36Shhh.
31:3888kg.
31:3988kg.
31:40What's that in old money?
31:42I don't know.
31:43I don't know what that is in old money.
31:4488kg.
31:45Ashley?
31:46Oh, it's pure shat in the dark.
31:47I'd say 85kg.
31:49Okay, she's went for a little less than 85.
31:52Well, here's the moment of truth.
31:53Davey jump in that room.
31:55We're back in the weigh room.
31:56Oh, I mean like, with or without clothes?
32:00We'll be back after the break.
32:02We'll leave on the clothes.
32:04I'll just hop up on it.
32:05She'll work away.
32:06Yeah, okay.
32:07Including the boots.
32:0888kg, which means Tyg is the winner.
32:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:11Now, here is the moment to choose, okay?
32:26In one of these envelopes is an all expenses paid trip to Las Vegas.
32:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:33Now, also in there, okay, is a bag of spuds from the shop.
32:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:41Which envelope are you going to take, Tyg?
32:43What's it going to be?
32:44In one of them is the trip to Vegas and the others the bag of spuds.
32:46We're going with this one.
32:47You're going with that one closest to you.
32:48Okay, Tyg, open her up and let us know.
32:50You're dead right.
32:51Bless yourself.
32:52I will be fingers crossed for you, Tyg.
32:53Hold it up to the camera.
32:54What have you got?
32:55What's it going to be?
32:56A bag of spuds.
32:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:58Thanks, give it up for Clegan Ashley.
33:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:28Now, ladies and gentlemen, you may not know this,
33:39we don't like to bring it up too often,
33:41but tip one, the All-Ireland.
33:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:45Whoa-ho, take that, Carol.
33:47LAUGHTER
33:49And tonight, in the bar, is a very important guest.
33:52Can I make my way down, please, if you don't mind, ladies and gentlemen?
33:55Sorry, how are you? What's your name?
33:57You're not our guest, but thank you.
33:59LAUGHTER
34:00I'm not you, Nick McKenney, Jersey Island, lads.
34:01Because if you don't mind, right here, behind you all,
34:03all evening has been...
34:05D'Alene MacArthur!
34:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:12Now...
34:14Tipperary were lucky enough to win it this year,
34:17but only ten counties have ever won the Hurling All-Ireland Championship
34:20and had the chance to climb those hallowed steps
34:23and make the famous speech.
34:24So we thought we'd let some counties
34:26who have never won the All-Ireland.
34:29LAUGHTER
34:30Some people here in the audience might like to lift it.
34:33Like, I see a whole mix of jerseys.
34:35Where are you guys from?
34:36Baltimore, America.
34:37Baltimore have never won it.
34:39LAUGHTER
34:40Right.
34:41Say, for example, is there anyone here from Tyrone?
34:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:47OK, let's go. Have a chat!
34:49LAUGHTER
34:51This should go well, I think.
34:53LAUGHTER
34:54OK, who's from Tyrone?
34:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:57Tyrone have never won the Liam McCarty, have they?
34:59That's right, I know.
35:00Would you like the chance now to lift the cup and make a speech?
35:02Jeez, I'd love it, eh.
35:03OK.
35:04Are you ready?
35:05So, in your own time, ready?
35:06Ooh.
35:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:08How would you like to thank?
35:12Jeez, I'd like to thank my whole family and all the good people at Tirlikin.
35:17Especially my Uncle Rodney Kelly, a big inspiration for me.
35:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:22No, this is, this is unbelievable.
35:25Never thought I'd lift this thing in my life.
35:27LAUGHTER
35:28Thanks very much.
35:29Give it up for Tyrone, everybody!
35:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
35:34Back to you, Johnny Smacks.
35:36Thank you, John.
35:37Now, as Johnny B said, only ten counties have won the Liam McCarty Cook.
35:41One of those counties haven't won it since 1998.
35:44I am, of course, talking about Offaly.
35:47Neil, do you remember the summer of 1998?
35:50Shut your face!
35:51LAUGHTER
35:52Yes, it was brilliant.
35:54Absolutely brilliant.
35:55First team to be knocked out and still win it,
35:56when it got in the back door.
35:57The way all Offaly people like to do it.
35:59LAUGHTER
36:01That sounded weird when I was telling you.
36:03LAUGHTER
36:04I'm from Rosgray, so, right on the border.
36:06Yeah, occupied Offaly.
36:08Yeah.
36:09So, you know, I'm always kind of giving Offaly a ribbon,
36:12but I think it's time that, you know, we get the Liam McCarty over,
36:15we'll give it to an Offaly man.
36:16Oh, yes, please.
36:17I think it's only fair, Lance.
36:18Would you like to see Neil Delamere lift the Liam McCarty Cup?
36:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
36:22I don't know about this.
36:23For the bite of Offaly.
36:24Come on, what about Carlos?
36:26LAUGHTER
36:27I don't know if I can do this, John.
36:30There's a good chance I may not be able to show my face
36:33around Rosgrave for a while, but Neil Delamere,
36:35you've surely practised this in the mirror as a young fella.
36:37No, I knew I was so shite, I didn't get anyone here.
36:40LAUGHTER
36:41I'd like to thank my uncle, Rodney Kelly.
36:43LAUGHTER
36:45He's...
36:46He moved down from Tyrone and this is why we won.
36:49Can I do the speech I would make?
36:51Oh, lads, it's...
36:52Listen, it's customary in this position,
36:53we're going to say hip-hip-a-ray to the losing team.
36:56LAUGHTER
36:58But it was Kilkenny and you can't beat those fuckers by enough, so...
37:00LAUGHTER
37:03APPLAUSE
37:05LAUGHTER
37:06LAUGHTER
37:07APPLAUSE
37:08Neil, put it up, lift it up, come on!
37:10Get it up, get it up, get it up!
37:11CHEERING
37:13Enough of that!
37:14Oh, blue, it is a lovely colour
37:17Till it gets the second dip
37:19That's the way with the outland's courting
37:22You'll never know when you'll take a fit
37:24Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
37:27Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
37:29Oh, madam, I have gold and silver
37:32Madam, I have tracts of land
37:34Madam, I have ships in the ocean
37:36All I'm missing is a fine young man
37:38Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
37:41Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
37:44Oh, going to the well for water
37:46Washing it around for to make some tay
37:48He fell over, I fell under
37:50All of the game was above, didn't he?
37:52Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
37:55Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
37:58Oh, madam, you can tie my garter
38:01Tie it up above my knee
38:03If you want, you can tie it further
38:05Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
38:07Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
38:10Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
38:12Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
38:13Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o did-a-ro
38:15Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o day
38:18Yay!
38:20So you can match the personality of an animal to what kind of person they should be with?
38:30It's not diet or relight again with animals is it?
38:32It kind of is!
38:34We're back to leash!
38:36There's two Jack Russells!
38:38We're wondering if you could describe, we've got an animal here for you.
38:42This is Goujon, who is a five year old golden retriever.
38:46I mean, what kind of person owns a Goujon?
38:49Well, the person who should own a golden retriever is someone that likes to walk and someone who's active.
38:54Because a lot of dogs are rehomed because people get a cockapoo and they live in a fucking flat in Dublin or something.
38:59So I would think a quite active person that likes walking.
39:02Yeah, we've got another dog for you here.
39:04Yeah.
39:05This is Ted Hastings, who's a four year old golden doodle.
39:08Yeah.
39:09You know, what kind of a person owns him?
39:11Well, that would probably be an old lady or an elderly gay man.
39:14Great.
39:15We can tell you there are two dogs.
39:18Nailed it.
39:19Well, the question is which Johnny owns which dog?
39:24Oh.
39:25Who's been doing more walking?
39:29It's impossible to tell, isn't it?
39:33Golden retriever.
39:34Yeah.
39:35That's my Goujon.
39:36Yeah, golden doodle.
39:37I am, of course.
39:38He's going to one.
39:39He's going to one.
39:40I am, of course, an elderly gay man.
39:42I am.
39:43I am.
39:44I am.
39:45I am.
39:46So we have a series of pictures which show you at your absolute peak.
39:49So we thought we'd play a game.
39:50Are you up for this?
39:51Yeah.
39:52OK, it's called Game Face where you have to tell us which event you are participating in,
39:57just going from your facial expressions.
39:59Let's have a look at your first picture.
40:02It has to be long jump because I always put the worst faces to a long jump, surely.
40:07You reckon it's long jump?
40:08If I do that in any other event, that's really embarrassing.
40:10OK.
40:11Let's find out if it is long jump.
40:14Yay!
40:15Long jump.
40:17Always the worst photos.
40:19Always.
40:20Let's have a look at another photo, Kate.
40:23Now.
40:24I know it instantly.
40:25Could have been a really big curry.
40:27What do you reckon, Kate?
40:32It has to be the shot put.
40:34The shot put.
40:35It has to be.
40:36This is me trying to do maths.
40:37Right, let's find out if it is the shot put.
40:39It is.
40:40Yay!
40:41Let's have one more.
40:42Let's have a look.
40:43OK.
40:44I know it again.
40:45It's a long jump.
40:46It has to be like...
40:47OK, let's have a look.
40:48Is it the long jump?
40:49It has to be.
40:50It is you long jumping over the lift.
40:52So, we're going to show you some pictures.
40:53This is the view you would have had when you were riding these horses winning races.
41:07Did I?
41:08Are these horses that I rode?
41:09Yes.
41:10OK.
41:11So, let's have a look at horse number one.
41:13No way.
41:14No way.
41:15I didn't ride that horse.
41:17It's got a double bridle on.
41:19No way.
41:20So...
41:21You did?
41:22That's one of yours.
41:23That's one of yours.
41:24That's one of yours.
41:25Yeah.
41:26There's no denying it now.
41:27I know they don't all look the same when you see the photos.
41:30That's one of yours.
41:34Yeah.
41:35They don't all look the same from behind, Davey.
41:37Right, Davey.
41:38Look.
41:39You rode this horse.
41:40Who is it?
41:41Sam Crow.
41:42It's Max.
41:43Well, Davey, let's find out if you're right.
41:45It is Sam Crow!
41:47That's amazing!
41:49OK, we've got another one.
41:52OK, Davey.
41:53Here's a look at horse number two.
41:55No, that is...
41:58That is...
41:59I would say a harder one.
42:01Very hairy.
42:02No, I...
42:05No, you did!
42:07They're all horses.
42:08We know you did.
42:09They're all horses you rode.
42:11Right.
42:12I...
42:13I...
42:14I don't know that horse, no.
42:15Take a guess.
42:16If it's...
42:17Fieldor.
42:19It's not Irish Point.
42:21Oh, good horse.
42:22Yeah.
42:23It was my last winner.
42:25Yeah, your last winner.
42:27Yeah, it was my last winner.
42:28Yeah, good horse him.
42:29OK.
42:30Let's...
42:31Let's have a look at one more.
42:32One more, one more.
42:33One more, one more.
42:34Ah, the man himself, is it?
42:36What are you saying?
42:37What are you saying?
42:38Is that the tiger?
42:39It is tiger oil!
42:40Yeah!
42:41What is he?
42:45Good horse.
42:46Good horse.
42:47Good horse.
42:48Good horse.
42:49Your man still gives out about your fashion choices from time to time.
42:52I mean, is it fair to say she's trolling you a bit?
42:54When I'm...
42:55She is my ultimate troll.
42:56I had to ban her from texting me when I'm live on television.
43:00Because it was...
43:01Oh, state of your hair.
43:02Jesus.
43:03Bit heavy with the make-up.
43:04Bit heavy with the make-up this morning.
43:06Do you think that...
43:07Do you think that shirt is right?
43:08Oh my God, are you pregnant?
43:09Did you forget to tell me?
43:10And this is just...
43:11Wait, in the middle of the show?
43:12Wait, in the middle of the show?
43:13In the middle of...
43:14Like, it will start at seven and it will not stop until ten.
43:16So I had to ban her.
43:17We have some of the messages that your ma'am has sent you.
43:19Oh no!
43:20She's got...
43:22This is for you.
43:23The hair is...
43:24The hair is a big page.
43:25Can't see your face with your hair.
43:26With your hair.
43:27Yeah.
43:28So this is in the middle of the show.
43:29You might check your forehead to brain.
43:307.40 in the morning.
43:3120 to 8.
43:32I've been on air for 40 minutes.
43:33We have another one here.
43:34Hair lovely, but you're very pale.
43:36Very pale.
43:39It's not the time, Mary.
43:40We're living in different times, girl.
43:42Mary is on fire at 8.19.
43:43We've got another one here.
43:44Hate that blouse mirror.
43:45Bin bin.
43:46Bin bin.
43:50And I think this is my personal favourite.
43:51Love your jumper.
43:53TV3 keep showing your spanks.
43:57We've wondered, like, what it's like to get hit by a professional boxer.
44:00Yeah.
44:01And thankfully Johnny B has said he's willing...
44:06To get hit by a professional boxer, so we...
44:08So...
44:12Pretend he's Putin.
44:13Would you?
44:15This one's not that parted.
44:16Good.
44:17Good.
44:18Good.
44:19It is.
44:20Give it to Mick.
44:21Fucking give it to him.
44:23You sound like that, yeah?
44:25Sorry.
44:26I'm getting it wrong.
44:27Oh!
44:28You're right.
44:29You're right.
44:30You're right.
44:31You're right.
44:32You're right.
44:33You're right.
44:34You're right.
44:35You're right.
44:36You're right.
44:37Why are you going again?
44:38I'm going again again.
44:40What?
44:41Do you want more?
44:42You hit me with your bad hand?
44:43What?
44:57That's only a time for tonight, lads.
45:00Back in the house for the two Johnnies, late night lock-in season finale!
45:08Yeah, yeah, fuck yeah!
45:13She attacked, she attacked you to maniacs!
45:18All right.
45:21Let's do this.
45:23Woo-hoo!
45:25Woo-hoo-hoo!
45:27Woo-hoo!
45:29She walked across the dance for that night, she was dressed to kill.
45:32She was a sexy lady, she had to get her thrill.
45:35How did she get it? How did she know?
45:37All the music, the beat, the temple.
45:39She was long for that night!
45:40She was in for a fight!
45:41She said, greetings!
45:43All the time we're in jail, all the time with the mic in the left hand.
45:46It's been all fun to preach in.
45:48Are you ready now to go to the rooms?
45:49Now life, it has no meaning.
45:51Are you ready now to move to the madness of a party night to you?
45:54We bring this group to you!
45:57Are you ready now to move to the groove?
46:00Put your hands up in the air!
46:02Put them up, put them up!
46:03What's the more questions I ask you?
46:05Are you ready?
46:08Woo-hoo!
46:10Woo-hoo!
46:11Woo-hoo!
46:12Woo-hoo!
46:13Woo-hoo!
46:14Woo-hoo!
46:15Woo-hoo!
46:16All right.
46:17Every single person in the house tonight, let you see, she's a maniac.
46:21She's a maniac.
46:22She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
46:27And she's dancing.
46:29And she's dancing like she never did before.
46:34Why do you run the tunes on his dance floor?
46:36She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
46:40Sing it!
46:41And she's dancing.
46:42And she's dancing like she never did before.
46:47Audience, it needs a patient time.
46:49She said, put your hands in the air!
46:53Side to side like you just don't care.
46:56Everybody in the house on a party night, scream up back to me.
47:00Adi, adi, adi!
47:02Hi, hi, hi!
47:03She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
47:08And she's dancing.
47:10And she's dancing like she never did before.
47:15The Grand Fanatic!
47:22A huge thank you to everyone here in Swan's Bar tonight.
47:25And thank you to all of our guests throughout the series.
47:27And thank you at home for watching.
47:29Now for a very special performance from Dan McCabe playing Grace.
47:33We'll see you soon.
47:34Bye, bye, bye, bye.
47:35All right.
47:36All right.
47:37All right.
47:38All right.
47:40We gather in the chapel here, in Old Main Albany.
47:48We think about the last few weeks.
47:53Oh, we'll see the fame from our stories.
47:59They have told us we must earn liberty.
48:05Well, all I want in this dark place is the heart you heal with me.
48:16Oh, grace, just hold me in your arms and let this moment linger.
48:25You'll take me out the dawn and I will die.
48:33With all my love, I place this wedding ring upon your finger.
48:42There won't be time to share a love for me the same.
48:52Oh, grace, just hold me in your arms and let this moment linger.
49:03They'll take me out the dawn and I will die.
49:11With all my love, I place this wedding ring upon your finger.
49:20There won't be time to share a love for me the same goodbye.
49:31There won't be time to share a love for me the same goodbye.
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