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Short filmTranscript
00:00This video is brought to you by S.T.A.L.A.
00:30You can see the bay.
00:42As you know, the human race grew up alongside glaciers during the ice ages.
00:48The cold stimulates ancient nerves.
00:51Makes you feel a primal connection to the world.
00:55We use over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel.
00:58And guests are surprised to know how much snow.
01:02Over 10,000 tons.
01:04Wow, that's a lot.
01:06Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice.
01:11These blocks were created by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes.
01:18Then harvesting it for storage in a nearby cave.
01:23Everything you see melts in summer.
01:25And we have different artists and artisans help us build again each year.
01:30So every stay is truly once in a lifetime.
01:34And here we have your room.
01:40The Koi Suite.
01:41Wow.
01:48Oh, it's frisk.
01:50Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel.
01:54About three degrees below zero.
01:56Not too, too cold.
01:59It's quite invigorating when you're used to it.
02:01As we say, you will feel some plummen i egge.
02:07Like a yoke in an egg.
02:09Okay, that's adorable.
02:10Some plummen i eggen?
02:13That's very good.
02:15These fish were hand-carved by famous Norwegian ice sculptor Anna Skjegstad-Rud.
02:21He won the Boreal Forest Prize at the Harbin ice sculpting competition last year.
02:25Beautiful.
02:25Isn't that beautiful?
02:26The bed is made of ice?
02:28Yes, isn't that charming?
02:29And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house brandy.
02:33The bed is made of ice.
02:34It is distilled locally from ice wine.
02:36And I assure you, it is quite special.
02:39Ice.
02:40Helen.
02:41We are sleeping on an ice bed.
02:43I could have saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here.
02:46Jokes and all.
02:47Now, one more thing.
02:48Your bathrooms are around the corner in the hall to your left.
02:52And if you keep going in that direction, you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open.
02:57As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year.
03:01Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know.
03:05Thank you, Bjorn.
03:07Oh, thank you very much.
03:09I hope you both have an enjoyable stay.
03:11Good night?
03:13Excellent.
03:14Good night today also.
03:15Okay.
03:15This is amazing.
03:27How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice?
03:31We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney.
03:34Walt Disney wasn't frozen.
03:35That's a myth.
03:36And look at this place.
03:37It was worth the trip.
03:41I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick Steves recommends?
03:45I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience but just a really nice hotel?
03:52Can't it be both?
03:54Doesn't it feel kind of nice?
03:56My skin feels so awake.
03:59Oh my God, seriously?
04:01Who knew?
04:04Hela's in Norway.
04:05Oh, come on.
04:06This is completely your bag.
04:07You love feeling bad.
04:11What are you doing over there?
04:15Looking for your cell phone.
04:17The Val should have numbers by now.
04:18Oh, I already talked about the airport.
04:20Come over here.
04:21Get under these blankets.
04:22You talked about?
04:24What'd she say?
04:25It's on the list.
04:31Congratulations.
04:33Good.
04:34Great.
04:35Yeah.
04:35Now come over here.
04:36Have some brandy.
04:37It's so good.
04:39Where on the list?
04:40Oh, stop it.
04:42It's a bestseller.
04:43I know.
04:43I'm just curious where.
04:45Top 20.
04:47Top 20?
04:48Yeah.
04:49But like closer to 11 or closer to 20?
04:52You're impossible.
04:53You're the most impossible bestselling author I know.
04:58Come over here.
04:59Why?
05:00Just come here.
05:02Look at this.
05:05That is amazing.
05:10Oh God, I always wanted to see it.
05:13One time in Canada I came close, but this is so much better than I ever imagined.
05:20Kind of looks like a screensaver.
05:21Oh yeah.
05:21Stop, stop, stop.
05:23Sit.
05:26There you go.
05:28There.
05:29Isn't that warmer?
05:31Warmer than what?
05:34You can almost hear it, can't you?
05:40Oh, it's turning purple.
05:41Oh, look at that.
05:49Guess what?
05:51Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee.
05:54Okay, so pee.
05:56Yeah, but is the toilet going to be made out of ice?
05:59What if I stick to it?
05:59Here, don't pee, but shh.
06:01I don't know.
06:02I can't be in the kitchen.
06:04Guess what?
06:04Cheers.
06:04See you.
06:04I don't know.
06:13Oh.
06:15Oh.
06:15Oh.
06:17Oh.
06:17Oh.
06:18Oh.
06:18Oh.
06:19Oh.
06:19Oh.
06:20Oh.
06:20Oh.
06:21Oh.
06:21...
06:26...
06:30...
06:36...
06:38...
06:42...
06:48Uh, this is your captain speaking.
07:04Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air.
07:07Should be smooth sailing for a while.
07:09So we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seatbelt sign.
07:14Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol.
07:18May we get you anything?
07:45Nope.
07:47Uh, who's flying today?
07:49Carol, on the flight deck is Captain John McConnell.
07:52And also, First Officer Tom Deacon.
07:54These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time.
07:59And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant of this capable and trustworthy Airbus A330 aircraft.
08:05You're in good hands.
08:07That's weirder than the gal from TGI Fridays.
08:11You doing this because she freaked me out?
08:13Uh, that's an affirmative, Carol.
08:15Please stop that.
08:18It's much more spacious up in first class.
08:20Sure you want to be more comfortable there?
08:21It has lie-flat seats.
08:23You could get some rest.
08:25I'm fine where I'm at.
08:28Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right?
08:52Anyone with conversational ability, yes.
08:55Tell me about the non-English speakers.
08:56Certainly.
08:57What would you like to know?
08:58Anything.
08:59Everything.
08:59Well, let's see.
09:02There's Bora Kolak, a 60-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul.
09:05He speaks Turkish in Los Katz.
09:08In Bali, there's Ida Udui, 23, speaks Indonesian Balinese.
09:13She's a contortionist and a dancer.
09:15Performs the barong, the legong, jibog.
09:18It's all quite exquisite.
09:19I'm sure.
09:19Keep going.
09:20Sidor Ameles in Sardinia is a fisherman.
09:23Or he was, but he's 89 and retired.
09:26There's Mary Kuxiakintola, lives in Maserula, Soto.
09:30What does she do?
09:32Her family raises Basato Ponius, but she's only eight years old.
09:35She hasn't decided on the profession.
09:37Next.
09:39Abdul Karim Al-Shari lives in Aden, Yemen.
09:41He's a 37-year-old muezzin.
09:44Muezzin, that's a...
09:45What is that?
09:47He sings a call to prayer.
09:49He has a powerful tenor voice.
09:51He also loves cats.
09:54Okay.
09:56But are there any medical doctors, any scientists or an expert of some kind?
10:02Oh, yes.
10:03According to Time Out magazine, Takeoki Tanaka Nosaka makes the best uro noodles in the entire K-Hanshin.
10:09That's not what I meant.
10:10Nope.
10:12All right.
10:12That makes what?
10:15Six.
10:16So you didn't say anything about the guy from...
10:20Where was it?
10:22Paraguay.
10:22What about him?
10:23His name is Manucio Zaviedo.
10:25We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours.
10:28He manages a self-storage facility in Asuncion.
10:31So far, he hasn't really communicated with us.
10:36Ha.
10:36I want to talk to him.
10:39He only speaks Spanish and a bit of Guarani.
10:42Do you want us to translate for you?
10:44No.
10:45I'll manage.
10:48First thing, once I get home.
10:50We could try him right now, if you like.
10:52He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact.
11:10Try it again.
11:25Try it again.
11:29Uh, hola, senor?
11:47I think we got cut off or something.
11:59Try it again.
12:04Hello, I'm Carol Sturka.
12:19I'm from the United States.
12:25Get him back.
12:34Get him back.
12:51We're sorry, Carol.
12:57We don't think it was personal.
13:21Hi, Carol.
13:33Really, please let us know if there's...
13:36Carol, one second.
13:40We have something for you.
13:49We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you.
13:55We think you're really gonna like what's in the box.
14:07Anything else we can do for you, just let us know.
15:45Hi, Carol. What can we do for you?
15:51What exactly do you know about what's in this box in my mail?
15:55Helen ordered it for you.
15:57You'd been so stressed out on the tour.
15:59You tried one in the Atlanta airport.
16:02But you said it was too expensive, so Helen bought one online.
16:06Did she?
16:07She thought it would make a nice gift to celebrate the end of the tour.
16:11A homecoming present.
16:16Carol?
16:20Okay, here's what's going to happen.
16:23You're going to forget everything you know about Helen.
16:26Every memory, every thought she ever had.
16:29Get her out of your head.
16:31Heads.
16:31Carol, we apologize if it...
16:33Never mention her again.
16:34Never think about her again.
16:36Only I get to remember her. You got that?
16:38Only me.
16:45Then how come you know he was a big dummy?
16:58Well, there were already three other people in town.
17:01But that's beside the point.
17:05One day, I got up the courage to go up to mean old lady Hickenlooper and ask her why she always frowned.
17:12Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles.
17:15I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down.
17:23So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave.
17:28What the hell?
17:56What the hell?
18:26Good morning, Carol.
18:36What's with the food?
18:37It's the exact meal you had at that B&B you stayed at in Provincetown.
18:422012?
18:44Remember?
18:44You were there to see the Enduga girls.
18:46You were very complimentary of the chef that morning.
18:49It really stuck with her.
18:50The sorghum flower and the pancakes.
18:52So you took it upon yourself to make me breakfast?
18:56Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare.
18:57You've only got tonic water.
19:00Half a carton of oat milk, a jar of green olives, a jar of black olives, a jar of red olives.
19:05I told you Helen was off limits.
19:07Yes, of course, Carol.
19:08So, how the f-
19:09How do you know what is in my fridge?
19:13Teresa from Mary Maids.
19:15You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour.
19:19Is the food not to your liking?
19:21Would you like us to make you something else instead?
19:23Nope.
19:27I want you to leave me alone.
19:29Shows what you know, fuckers.
19:49It's three quarters of a carton.
19:59I want you to leave me alone.
20:29What the fuck?
21:00Hello, Carol.
21:00What happened to my sprouts?
21:02Are you the grinch who steals supermarkets?
21:04So sorry.
21:05We're consolidating resources to centralize useful items for distribution.
21:10Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses or what used to be private homes.
21:16It's just more efficient.
21:18Fine.
21:19Fine.
21:20I get it.
21:21Is there something specific you need?
21:23We can deliver to you anytime, anywhere.
21:25I am not going to call you every time I need something.
21:28I don't want you waiting on me.
21:31I am a very independent person, okay?
21:34I always have been.
21:36I fend for myself.
21:38I just want my sprouts back.
21:41Absolutely.
21:42Will do.
21:43Okay.
21:45Great.
21:46So, what, um, can we say Friday, maybe?
21:54I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back.
21:58We'll be there in a moment.
22:00We'll be there in a moment.
22:30We'll be there in a moment.
23:00We'll be there in a moment.
23:46Carol, may we sneak past you here?
24:16Carol, may we sneak past you?
24:46Carol, may we sneak past you?
25:16Carol, may we sneak past you?
25:46Carol, may we sneak past you?
25:58Carol, may we sneak past you?
26:02There were some druid priests who were in town for the opening of Stonehenge Land.
26:08And they said they could stop it if they could sacrifice the town's dumbest virgin.
26:18I don't know why I raised my hand.
26:27Damn it.
26:32I don't know why I raised my hand.
27:00You have got to be fucking kidding me.
27:02Hello Carol. So sorry to startle you. We didn't mean to do that.
27:23Why are you turning off the lights?
27:24Yes, we know. It was a mistake. We had a little problem isolating your branch circuit.
27:30But they're back on now, right? The lights at your house?
27:32Yes.
27:32Okay, good.
27:33Why are you turning them off everywhere else?
27:35For conservation. Just the ones that aren't necessary. Which are, well, most of them.
27:40What, lights aren't necessary for you guys? You just see in the dark?
27:43Oh, no. Not at all. It's just that there's no crime to prevent.
27:47And we're not working at night. Except for essential operations.
27:51Water treatment, hospitals, things like that.
27:53Right. So it's more of your efficiency.
27:55Yes. You donated twice to the Sierra Club. So we felt you'd understand.
28:00If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights.
28:03No. Screw it. Leave them off. Who gives a shit?
28:05Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up?
28:08Cheer me up? Why? I'm fine. I'm so happy.
28:13There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix.
28:17You got one of those?
28:18Because I think that would be the perfect topper for the greatest week in human history.
28:21Fuck it.
28:44Fuck it.
28:44Fuck it.
28:46Fuck it.
28:48Fuck it.
28:51Fuck it.
29:21It must have just been the excitement of the moment.
29:24But they said the only way to prevent the eruption was for me to crawl through their legs
29:29up the volcano while they gave me my birthday wax.
29:34Well, and you're not going to believe this.
29:51Yeah?
29:57Hi. Sorry it took so long.
30:04A hand grenade?
30:19Yes.
30:20We thought you were probably being sarcastic, but we didn't want to take the chance.
30:28Were you being sarcastic?
30:34Right.
30:34Of course you were.
30:35Do you want us to take...
30:36Do you want us to take...
30:37You know what?
30:39We just...
30:39We'll get rid of it.
30:42I feel better, Carol.
30:48Hey, do you maniacs drink?
30:55It's okay.
30:57You can bring the hand grenade.
31:14Does the whole world get drunk when you drink?
31:17Like, does some six-year-old in Sri Lanka slur his words when you knock one back?
31:22No, it doesn't work like that.
31:26How do you say cheers in Sanskrit?
31:28Shuba mustu.
31:29Roughly, it means may everyone be blessed.
31:34Well done.
31:37Shoo...
31:38Shoopy shoop shoop.
31:46Do you know the word vodka is a diminutive of voda, meaning water?
31:51Very similar to the Latin aqua vitai, literally water of life.
31:56That becomes the Scandinavian aquavit, although the drinks are very different.
32:01Fun fact, whiskey has the same root meaning in Scots Gaelic from Huishka Baha.
32:06You don't say.
32:11What gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness?
32:15It's distilled from both potato and corn.
32:19It is slightly alkaline.
32:20Do you taste that?
32:22Lower shelf alcohol tends to be acidic.
32:25The cheap distiller learned the process from his grandfather.
32:28And now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain.
32:37How long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee?
32:42It's a hard thing to predict.
32:45Scientific advances tend to ebb and flow.
32:47That's not an answer.
32:49How long?
32:51You're working around the clock.
32:53It could be as soon as a couple of weeks or it could take months or longer.
32:59That's quite the range for someone who knows everything that there is to know.
33:05Regardless, sooner or later, I'm fucked.
33:11Sorry, Carol.
33:13We have a biological imperative.
33:16You people make no goddamn sense.
33:19Do you know that?
33:21We want to make you happy, you say.
33:23Your life is your own, you say.
33:26An agency.
33:27I've got all this agency, but, I mean, I guess I have agency just until I don't?
33:35Carol, if you were walking by a lake and you saw somebody drowning, would you throw them
33:42a life preserver?
33:45Of course you would.
33:46You wouldn't think.
33:47You wouldn't wait.
33:48You wouldn't try to get consensus on it.
33:50You'd just throw it.
33:55So now I'm drowning?
33:57You just don't know it.
34:02Well, uh, you people are brainwashed, is what you are.
34:08I mean, what could possibly be so great about this mind meld of yours?
34:14I mean, let me guess.
34:16Let me guess.
34:17It's, uh, it's all beautiful scenery.
34:19And you feel nothing but contentment, just wave after wave of bliss and peace and everything
34:27is perfect.
34:28It's like living inside a postcard every second of every day.
34:33Basically, it's every Rick Steves special ever, right?
34:37That kind of bullshit.
34:39Like you're, you're, uh, taking a hike in the woods and there's a warm rain and the trees
34:43are so tall you can't even see the tops.
34:47Or you're having coffee on the canals in Amsterdam and it's like you're in a coffee commercial.
34:54Or you're taking a walk at sunset on the most flawless beach in Croatia.
35:00Or you're, you're in Norway above the Arctic Circle and.
35:06In a hotel made of ice.
35:10Under a pile of furs.
35:15I told you that Helen was off limits.
35:27You are a bunch of mind fuckers.
35:40Wow, you've got this thing really jammed in there, don't you?
35:57Please, be careful with that.
36:00Right, Link, you would give me a real hand grenade.
36:05Carol, if we may.
36:07No, no.
36:29Okay, we've got a fight over here.
36:32Oh.
36:34Come on.
36:35Come on.
36:36You... you gave me...
36:53Oh, sh... oh, sh... shit.
36:56Fuck.
36:57Uh...
36:59Oh, fuck.
37:06Uh, okay, I-I'm gonna go get some help, okay?
37:12It's okay, Carol.
37:15Elvis, come on.
37:36It is okay.
38:00Yes.
38:06May we join you?
38:15We're happy to say, Zosia's doing much better.
38:18There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage.
38:21She did get a pretty severe concussion
38:23that we're gonna want to keep an eye on.
38:25She's resting now.
38:29Can we get you a fresh change of clothes?
38:31Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day.
38:42Why would you give me a hand grenade?
38:45You asked for one.
38:47Why not give me a fake one?
38:53Sorry if we got that wrong, Carol.
38:55If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade?
39:02Yes.
39:03Even after last night, you would give me another?
39:06Oh, sure.
39:09Okay, what about a bazooka?
39:12And the thing a bazooka shoots a rocket or whatever?
39:16Yes.
39:17All right.
39:19All right.
39:21All right.
39:24All right.
39:26What about, I don't know, a tank?
39:32Mm-hmm.
39:36What about an atom bomb?
39:42Why would you want one?
39:44To blow shit up?
39:45For kicks?
39:46I mean, does it matter?
39:47You gave me a grenade, for fuck's sake.
39:58It'd be okay to say no at this point.
40:01That would be sane.
40:03Not utterly batshit crazy.
40:06If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon, we would weigh the pros and cons with you.
40:17We would explain that it would be very destructive.
40:20Yes or no?
40:25Ultimately, yes.
40:28We wouldn't necessarily feel good about it.
40:32But we would move heaven and earth to make you happy, Carol.
40:41Would you like an atom bomb?
40:47I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
40:49Okay.
40:52Okay.
40:54Okay.
40:55Oh, would you like a cup of coffee?
40:58Uh...
40:59One sugar with oat milk, right?
41:01And maybe a pinch or...
41:02You can go.
41:19We'll be right back and see you.
41:20Can you hear what I got on top?
41:21Why did you like a cup of coffee and tea?
41:22I will have to eat.
41:23I will be right.
41:25I don't have to buy anything.
41:26If you do not buy anything.
41:27You can buy anything.
41:28I don't have to buy anything.
41:29You will be right to get me.
41:30But I know this is not the same thing.
41:31It won't be right.
41:32It's not that I am the same thing.
41:33Here.
41:34I do not believe in the same thing.
41:35I've done it.
41:36I will stop thinking.
41:37Just take me out.
41:39But I am the same thing.
41:41It's too late.
41:43And if you are dying in the other world,
41:44You're going to have to make it.
41:45Here is your danger.
41:46Thou dial howl, thy precious minutes waste
41:54Thys vacant leaves, thy mind's imprint will bear
42:02And how this boo, this cloudy mace thou taste
42:16This office is now for me
42:33This office is now for me
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