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The 2 Johnnies Late Night Lock In - Season 3 Episode 100 -
(special) The 2 Johnnies Best Bits
(special) The 2 Johnnies Best Bits
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00:00MUSIC CONTINUES
00:24Hello and welcome to the best of the two Johnny's Late Night Blockin!
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:35Now, there were so many great moments from the last series,
00:37who can forget Margot Robbie giving Johnny B a piggyback?
00:40Ah, the time we bet Ronaldo on headers and volleys!
00:42Yeah, Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter,
00:44remember they did that acoustic version of the guy to scam the rat?
00:47That's right!
00:48But it tells you just how good tonight's show is,
00:50cos none of them made the highlight reel!
00:55Alright, let's take a look at what did make the cut.
00:57Roll that 10!
00:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:02Now, it's time to find out, who's in the bar?
01:05We're in the bar!
01:07Who's in the bar?
01:08We're in the bar!
01:09Don't know how I learned how to do this,
01:11but I can balance things on my nose and my face,
01:13I can balance pretty much, pretty much anything I think.
01:17On your face?
01:18Yeah!
01:19That's Chauvin's!
01:20Now, now!
01:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22You ready?
01:23Go to three!
01:24One!
01:25Two!
01:26Three!
01:27One!
01:28Two!
01:29Three!
01:30Three!
01:31Oh!
01:41I put one ear in first, and then another one, but this is where the real trick happens.
01:49What a trick happens.
01:56That's amazing!
01:58Peek-pooty-clap
02:00I gotta keep on dancing
02:02At the peak-pooty-clap
02:04I gotta keep on dancing
02:06Down in West Hollywood
02:09I gotta keep on dancing
02:11At the peak-pooty-clap
02:13Peak-pooty-clap
02:15Yeah!
02:19Jesus, lads!
02:22What do you say that?
02:24Can you do that?
02:25I don't want to put you on the spot
02:26I don't know!
02:27What's your record, lads?
02:30Alright, here we go
02:31What am I bloody doing here?
02:38Yeah!
02:49I'm going to go
02:50I just can't do the ball
02:51I can't do the ball
02:52I can't do the ball
02:53I can't do the ball
02:54I can't do the ball
02:55Oh, you, Stacey!
03:02Jesus!
03:04No, we're no more!
03:07I just can't be both. I can't be both!
03:25You, yourself, almost had a career as a pop star.
03:30I did audition for a boy band for Louis Walsh.
03:34How did it go?
03:36Yeah, not great.
03:38It was in the pod in Dublin, remember the pod?
03:40They call my name up and I'm starting to sing
03:42I can show you the world from Aladdin.
03:45Good song choice!
03:49What song choice?
03:51I don't know. I started too high.
03:55I started, I went, I'm in trouble.
03:59So, afterwards, anyway, Louis kept going to me,
04:01he wanted to get you, I'm going to put you in a band,
04:03I'm going to put you in a band.
04:04I was like, yeah, yeah, okay, cool.
04:05I'm getting all brilliant.
04:06After that audition, he took me outside,
04:08he says, maybe not this band,
04:10but I'm definitely going to work with you in something.
04:11I was like, all right, brilliant.
04:12Oh, thank God, I thought I really messed that up.
04:14He's like, yeah, yeah, no, we'll get you in something,
04:16I really want to do something with you.
04:17I was like, brilliant.
04:18He said, now, we have to get something done with them ears.
04:21What?
04:23We have to get something done with them ears.
04:24Your ears?
04:25Yeah, and I was like, I was looking and going,
04:27I'm only 16.
04:28Yeah.
04:29Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.
04:30Yeah, sure.
04:31So, I went home and I was saying to my ma,
04:33he said, I have to get something done with my ears.
04:34I was thinking my ma would say, like, cheeky bastard.
04:37Yeah, yeah.
04:38And my ma turned around and says,
04:39do you want to get something done with them?
04:42I was like, what the fuck is wrong with my ears?
04:45Last week in York,
04:46there was a man playing with himself up in the stalls of the show.
04:50I know, I was thrilled.
04:51Yeah.
04:54I was absolutely delighted.
04:56I was like, shut up.
04:59Was he hot?
05:00Was he wearing a ring?
05:01What was the crack?
05:02Because that just never happened.
05:03But he was like having a little,
05:04now, I was fed, I didn't know how,
05:07he was having a little go of himself, I'd say.
05:09What?
05:10He wasn't having a full...
05:11Right.
05:12You know what I mean?
05:13He wasn't full of pepper shit.
05:14No, it was like...
05:17Yeah.
05:18It was, it was a little sprinkling.
05:20Would you say a little sprinkling of sorts?
05:22A fondle?
05:23A fondle.
05:24It's like he was playing three blind mice on himself.
05:27Because then, I didn't know.
05:28Anyway, I saw the footage of it
05:29and it was quite innocent in the end.
05:31Okay.
05:32It wasn't the compliment I thought it was.
05:33Right.
05:34Yeah.
05:35But when he was removed, you just went.
05:36And I was like, that's not that hot.
05:38You should have fought for me.
05:39Do you know what I mean?
05:41I want to stay and finish.
05:42She's still hot.
05:43I just left.
05:44So that's the closest thing I've had.
05:46Yeah.
05:47What kind of commitment is that?
05:48I think I'm seeing him now.
05:50I think we're going to date.
05:51True or false,
05:52were you the only boy in an all-girls school?
05:55True, yeah.
05:56True, yeah.
05:57True.
05:58Why?
05:59I don't know.
06:00I didn't make up the rules.
06:02Not with me, folks.
06:03I think they just left it so long
06:05to put me into a school
06:06that there was no,
06:07in our local area,
06:08there was no places left, right?
06:10Yeah.
06:11So they had to just,
06:12you have to go to school.
06:13It's law.
06:14Yeah.
06:15And eventually,
06:16the only school that would take me
06:17was the girls' school.
06:18So I went in,
06:19so I spent the first seven years
06:20in my school with all girls.
06:22In my class and everything.
06:23We have a picture of you here.
06:25Yeah.
06:26Very, very over-drift for a Monday.
06:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:37That was just when I went to school, you know?
06:39I looked like a little cult leader in that time.
06:42It's like all these little miniature wives
06:44that this little cult leader has.
06:47Looking back on it,
06:48I was like,
06:49no-one's going to want to touch me.
06:50Well, I was wrong.
06:51I didn't know it blew up.
06:53And then they tweet Putin.
06:55And it was the worst thing ever.
06:57You tweeted who?
06:58I tweeted Putin.
06:59Vladimir Putin.
07:00I tweeted...
07:01What did you say to him?
07:03I just said,
07:04hey bro,
07:05how much did you pay them?
07:09He's here tonight making that.
07:14And that laugh.
07:19Scourious,
07:20there's ten for about a year or two after that.
07:23Anything about some versions,
07:24I shit myself.
07:25I was like,
07:26someone's just going to stick a pen on me or something like that.
07:28And I'll have say now, poison.
07:29What is your record in the long jump?
07:316.32.
07:326.
07:336 metres.
07:340.32.
07:35Right.
07:36Well, the reason we're asking that is because
07:38earlier,
07:39myself and Smacks gave it a go.
07:42We didn't know what was a good length,
07:44what was a bad length.
07:45We've got a video here of Johnny trying it.
07:47Do you want to see it?
07:48Yeah.
07:49Yeah.
07:50Here we go.
07:55No, I just want to say I am carrying a quad injury,
07:58the grind's a bit tight.
08:00I didn't have the right runners,
08:03several things.
08:04Right, okay.
08:05Would you do the honours?
08:06Can we stand up?
08:07Yeah, here you go.
08:08You can reveal that,
08:09where you are there.
08:10Smacks got 1.7.
08:14I'll take that.
08:15Pretty good.
08:16It looks better measured out than it does on the video.
08:21Let's have a look and see how Johnny B got on.
08:25Oh!
08:26He was cheating, he had really good runners on.
08:30What did you get, John?
08:31I did slightly better, I got 2.2.
08:35What did you say you got again?
08:376.32.
08:386.32, okay.
08:39We're just going to explain that to people,
08:41if we can.
08:42You jumped.
08:43You jumped.
08:44There's 4.
08:45There's 5 metres.
08:466.32 here.
08:47Well, I have 2 dogs.
08:48I had 2 dogs.
08:49I've had a 3-legged lurcher called Lola for years.
09:04And then we fostered Mick, who has 4 legs.
09:07And there they are there, yeah.
09:09I don't know what they're doing.
09:13Lola looks happy.
09:17It looks like Lola's going, you've got to earn your place in this house.
09:28We know at the same time, that say all ye jockeys,
09:30you're all in the same way room,
09:32you're all kind of talking out together for want of a better room.
09:34We're literally beside each other.
09:35Can I get spicy in there?
09:37Like, can I be...
09:38Do you know what I mean?
09:39Like, I'll be honest,
09:40if something like cut me off now in a corner,
09:41he'd be...
09:42Yeah, there's kind of a code.
09:43Right.
09:44It can get spicy.
09:45There'd be a couple of...
09:46But really, like, we're small little lads.
09:49It's kind of...
09:50It's kind of a Mormon.
09:52Don't do that again.
09:55Why is Samba so hard?
09:57Because it's all about, like,
09:58bouncing and moving your hips and your body.
10:00I mean, is there any music in this place?
10:06Yeah, yeah.
10:07Can we get a bit of Samba music?
10:09Oh!
10:10There we go.
10:11Can you explain how we go?
10:23Hang on, hang on.
10:25Hang on.
10:26Could you explain the basic steps?
10:28That's actually...
10:29Can I put that song on?
10:30That's very fast.
10:31Right, so we don't normally go that quick,
10:33but they're bachicadas that you would do to that.
10:35I knew it was a bachicada.
10:37Classic bachicada.
10:38So, you close your feet.
10:39Right, close your feet, lads.
10:40I hope you all do with us.
10:41Come on, we all do with us.
10:42And girls, come on.
10:43Can you take a step back?
10:44Here we go, lads.
10:45Right, okay, listen up.
10:46Here we go.
10:47So, we close our feet,
10:48and we're gonna go back on our right,
10:49and then left.
10:50So, it's literally just back, back,
10:51and stay up on your toes,
10:52wiggling your hips.
10:53So, we literally go...
10:54Bump!
10:55Bump!
10:56Right?
10:57Not bad.
10:58And then we'll just shake.
11:01You ready for music?
11:02Okay.
11:03Hang on, hang on, hang on.
11:04But do you reckon...
11:05We want people to...
11:06Why are you not joining?
11:07We want people to learn to dance.
11:08Oh, you're doing it behind the bar.
11:09We want people to learn to dance.
11:10Yeah.
11:11But there probably won't be too much samba music on
11:12in the pub in Tipperary.
11:13Yeah.
11:14Okay.
11:15So, can we do this to a song that you might hear
11:16in a pub in Ireland?
11:17Oh, we can make a walk.
11:18Okay, right, lads.
11:19Kill it.
11:20Here we go.
11:21Woo!
11:22Woo!
11:23Woo!
11:24Woo!
11:25Woo!
11:26Woo!
11:28Woo!
11:29Woo!
11:30Woo!
11:32Woo!
11:33Woo!
11:34Woo!
11:35Woo!
11:36She worked on that first time.
11:40Woo!
11:43Woo!
11:45Woah!
11:47the only real pro presenter here you do live television all the time oh would you read the
11:50autocue and throw it to the link for us i would love to where am i going down here you see this
11:54screen's on top here here we go okay we have got a camera on the streets of waterford where
11:57everyone's oh you absolutely
12:03we have got a camera on the streets of waterford where everyone smells of cabbage and i'd never go
12:23there because they're all sod busting blah eating bog monsters and limerick to know what it is
12:28it's way better also i love the two audience let's have another game of irish or aussie let's head
12:45back to coogee beach in sydney oh it feels like home in a way doesn't it right so just by looking at
12:53somebody who's this lad this lad looks so scared get in on him get in on him oh he's got budgie okay
13:05don't say anton man you're live on television nod your head if you're up for playing a game
13:10i think he's got a big irish head in him but he's australian from the neck down
13:16if that's at all possible joanne what do you reckon i agree with you the pants aren't they they're not
13:20no irish man i wear those pants but he does have an irish head i'm confused audience what do you
13:27reckon irish rosie okay what's your name mate and where you from joan from ireland
13:36we've got a game that we're calling we aren't family yeah so we've got a camera out in the streets
13:41of galway where all the members of the of the family are dancing to the same tune but here's the catch
13:45one person isn't in the family your job is to spot the imposter okay okay all right let's go live to
13:52galway okay here we go we've got the de santos family i feel like i know already
14:00from one to six straight away roddy you're looking at them who do you think is not in the family
14:04the family yeah they're all they're all family bar one i fell on number two he looks a bit
14:15andrew what do you reckon andrew eh number three because he looks too happy
14:21no family's that happy yeah okay karen what do you reckon now you're going close it's hard yeah
14:26no so that's so they look the image yeah that fella on the end looks like he's just being plumped there
14:31yeah it could be him right he looks awkward they say the rhythm is in the genes so let's uh find out
14:37we'll get them dancing let's see surely yeah yeah this is live in goal yeah okay right hit the music
14:49oh i'm taking number four
14:53who do you reckon oh it's amazing number four is dancing with his toe
15:01who's not in the family oh that's so hard i tell you i think i think number three is america
15:07number three looks a bit yeah he looks a bit foreign okay but so does number one that girl looks too
15:13jolly compared to the rest of them okay who's not in the family
15:16three
15:20ronnie rick is four i'll tell you what say or not because we'll find out after the break
15:24that she knows all the way
15:28When I'm flat in the mountain, Marty has some head and fall, it's in.
15:32We are family.
15:36We're living by the sand.
15:40We are family.
15:44Welcome back to the Two Johnnies of Late Night Lock-In.
15:51Now, before the break, we've seen the DeSanto's family on the streets of Galway,
15:56but one person wasn't actually part of the family, John.
15:59Yes, let's go back to Galway and see, lads, right, looking at the screens.
16:02Who do we think is not part of the family, lads?
16:04What do you reckon? What number?
16:06Six.
16:08What are we saying? Okay, okay, moment of truth.
16:10Moment of truth. We think it's number four.
16:12Some people are saying number six.
16:14Would the real imposter please step forward?
16:17Okay, number four.
16:27What's your name and how do you know the family
16:29or have you ever met them before?
16:30My name's Cian and I have no idea who these people are.
16:35Put your hands together and a big thank you to everybody on the streets of Galway.
16:39We're raising children not to play outside because it's too dangerous.
16:57Don't let them play outside.
16:58Why?
16:58What, in case they discover exploration, independence, problem-solving, resilience and essential fucking adult skills.
17:04And ironically, leaving them indoors with the iPad, where the paedophiles actually live, by the way, on the internet.
17:12So we find ourselves in an environment.
17:17I learned just recently, Ireland has a navy.
17:24We've seven boats, lads.
17:27Oh, the dictators of the world are shitting themselves now, aren't they, huh?
17:30We have seven ships, seven vessels, and their job is to go round the island, to go round the island.
17:38Now, I don't know if they go up the north, right?
17:42I haven't Googled it yet, right?
17:44So they go three quarters around the island, right?
17:48Or up the...
17:48I'm a cross-community comedian, pick your side, lads, right?
17:52And their job, and I didn't know this, when I go to bed at night on my lovely warm pillow,
17:56Oh, there's men and women, out there, on the water,
18:01away from their own families,
18:03four or five weeks at a time, protecting our country,
18:06they're away from their own families, riding each other.
18:11Oh, they're all at it, just like the guards and the teachers.
18:21Oh, they love it, oh!
18:23They love it out in the Atlantic Ocean, they love it like.
18:26And they're away from, they're away from,
18:30away from their own families, protecting our country.
18:33And I'm at home.
18:34And these people will never let us down if we ever get invaded.
18:37But only in Ireland would this happen.
18:39That one day, on the news, the government announced to the rest of the world
18:42that five of the ships were broken.
18:44What sort of a country announces to the rest of the world
18:51that their first line of defence is broken?
18:55Keep your mouth shut, lads!
18:58Tell them you have a hundred boats and say nothing, right?
19:02I know the UK have a policy to stop the boats.
19:04In Ireland, we can't even feck and start ours.
19:06This is the weirdest RT show I have ever done, ladies and gentlemen.
19:18And I just recently did High Road, Low Road for RT1.
19:21Anybody see it?
19:22Yeah, if anybody see it.
19:23Okay, you flick a coin.
19:24Two percent, just flick a coin.
19:25One person gets the High Road, the high-end, five-star experience.
19:28The other person gets the Low Road, the shite experience.
19:30High Road, Low Road.
19:31Colin Murphy and I went to Poland.
19:33Colin Murphy got front-row tickets to a Coldplay concert.
19:36Backstage passes and a chance to chat to Chris Martin one-on-one for 25 minutes.
19:41And I got to High Road.
19:47Stayed at home.
19:50Didn't chat to Coldplay.
19:52I am single at the minute.
19:54Oh, yes, meet me at the bar afterwards.
19:58But I think I know why I'm single now.
20:00I think I figured it out.
20:01I think it's because I like to think I can change a man.
20:05Yes, the girls over here as well.
20:07We love a little bit of a project, don't we?
20:09You know the way some men like to fix cars?
20:12Well, I like to fix men.
20:15I'll look for something on the verge of breaking down,
20:17and I'll be like, come here to me.
20:20And then I'll spend two years under that thing,
20:22making sure it's road-worthy.
20:25Don't worry, guys.
20:26As a comedian, you're in safe hands with me.
20:28I'm very woke.
20:29Unbelievable.
20:29Unbelievable.
20:31Unbelievable.
20:31Like, even when it comes to the old LGBTQTA,
20:34I've got a best friend for every letter.
20:36I do.
20:38I've got a best friend for every...
20:39Like, lesbian, that's my friend, Jyvonne.
20:41Like, G, that's my friend, Brian.
20:43Like, T-trans, that's my friend, Jyvonne, again.
20:45She's great.
20:46She covers a load of letters for me, actually.
20:47Because she's on the reel, that one.
20:51She's great.
20:53She doesn't cover asexually, at the end, people who don't want to have sex.
20:56But my wife sorts that one out, so it's fine.
20:58You learn a lot when you become a dad, the breastfeeding and all that.
21:08I remember the very first time ever experiencing it.
21:10I was there with my wife.
21:11She was trying to feed the baby.
21:13It wasn't really working.
21:14I didn't realise.
21:14I thought it just would work all the time, you know?
21:16And God bless the nurses.
21:18A nurse came into the room and grabbed my wife's breast and my son's head with the elegance
21:23of a builder, you know?
21:25Like picking an extension lead out of a puddle.
21:28I'll get it to work, don't worry.
21:31And now I kind of thrive on the awkwardness, you know?
21:34I love it.
21:34Like, my wife's dad was coming to visit when we had the baby.
21:39And I could see by the walk on the man, when he walked into the living room,
21:43that he was going to go for a kiss with the baby.
21:46And I also knew his daughter was feeding the baby.
21:53So I could have stopped him.
21:55But I was bored out of my mind, you know?
22:00I said, ah, this would be good.
22:02And fair play to him.
22:03He must have known when he got to there.
22:04But he kept going all the way down.
22:07It was so awkward.
22:08And then he tried to make a joke about it,
22:09which is something I wouldn't recommend, to be quite honest with you.
22:12Because the joke he went for that evening, right, was
22:14leave some for me, you greedy little shit.
22:20Good to go on, lads, yeah.
22:21Well, you haven't seen him since, you know?
22:23He doesn't...
22:24Am I the only fucker that can see the obvious link
22:27between the decline of drinking alcohol and the rise of celibacy?
22:31It's fucking obvious!
22:34Um, Siobhan and Noel, I don't know how long you've been together.
22:3824 years.
22:3924 years, right?
22:40We don't even need to check, right?
22:42Unless you're Muslim or a recovering addict, Noel,
22:44you were off your tits the first time you got it on with Siobhan.
22:48There is no...
22:49There is no...
22:50There is no other way.
22:52There is no...
22:53There is...
22:55Sorry.
22:55Guaranteed.
22:56Well...
22:57Well...
22:58We know...
23:02Well, now that's guaranteed then.
23:11I know.
23:11We don't even need to check, Noel.
23:12Do not confirm or do not.
23:13I know for a fact.
23:15You wouldn't even be here tonight.
23:16You never would...
23:17Were it not for alcohol,
23:20you would not have been created.
23:21There would be an empty space.
23:22There'd be no rose.
23:24Noel would have had to get to the point where I'd go,
23:26I could see two of you.
23:27Can I smash one of you?
23:28It would have been something like that.
23:31Wouldn't it?
23:32It's bang on.
23:33That's it.
23:34Put your chips on my back, Noel.
23:35That's it.
23:37That's it.
23:38I can feel the vinegar on my Chinese tattoo.
23:42Thank you very much.
23:43Good evening.
23:47Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for one of the greatest quizzes of all time.
23:51It's...
23:51The Parish Quiz!
24:09I also heard you're a lifeguard.
24:11You're a qualified lifeguard?
24:12Yeah.
24:13Technically, yeah.
24:14But I can't swim.
24:14Right, so you're a lifeguard and you can't swim.
24:18You're aware of what lifeguards do.
24:21How did you qualify?
24:23I did a class in school with about 20 other people
24:26and I was the only one that failed.
24:28And they felt bad.
24:29So they passed me.
24:32I'll tell you one thing, Dean.
24:33If I'm ever in the river, please, please,
24:35just offer me a suit instead or something.
24:37What are you up to yourself?
24:39Oh, doing a bit of milking, doing a bit of nursing.
24:41Bit of milking, a bit of nursing.
24:42Bit of nursing, bit of milking, yeah.
24:44The two ends of it, you know.
24:47Are you a nurse?
24:49Trying.
24:50I'm in my...
24:51Are you studying to be a nurse?
24:51I only dropped out once and I didn't drop out this past two years,
24:54so I'm doing well now.
24:56Should get on to Dean's teacher.
24:57He'll definitely pass it.
24:59And who are you milking?
25:01Or who are you milking for?
25:03Who are you milking for?
25:04Yeah.
25:07Pat Callan, he's a fellow up the road from me, so.
25:10Right.
25:11Milking there nearly five years, so.
25:13Now, we heard you had an interest in the old Rose of Tralee yourself.
25:16Hey!
25:18What's this?
25:19What's going on?
25:19I know we love so we're only about 40 minutes odd from Chile at home, so we go back every year
25:24So I recognized a few of the faces when I come in this evening. I know we love it
25:27How do you think Caitlin is doing? Oh, she's fab. Caitlin's a dote. Yeah, such a good guy. Great answer, Rose, Chile answer
25:35100% I feel like Dottie O'Shea already
25:38What a cool lady
25:40Do you have a favorite animal? I do, um, Snoopy the cow
25:46Snoopy the cow now, is Snoopy the cow just your favorite, or is it a pet or what?
25:49Oh, it's a pet, yeah, no, she, as a calf and a heifer, she used to snoop into her pockets
25:55To see what she could find, usually sweets or something, you know, something good
26:01So that's why she got the name Snoopy
26:03The way I've left your favorite, there's a lot of money in there
26:06There's none of that, Johnny
26:09And representing us is Jake Coyney, how are you, Jake?
26:11Too bad, no, too bad
26:13Well, Jake, how are you getting on, man?
26:14Ah, wrecked
26:17Well, how's your wrecked?
26:18It's been a long way up, mate
26:22We're up here every week, man, come on
26:24Yeah, you could stay at home, we'd see each other as well, mate
26:28Kicking off with John in Ross and Rhee, here's your question
26:31Hi, Johnny, congratulations on becoming the third Johnny
26:35Just to ask you, who was the captain of the St Mary's
26:38Adult team that won the Junior B Championship
26:41And here's his mother
26:51It's a mirage
26:52The man asking the question is standing right there
26:57And then the mother is there
27:01You obviously recognise that woman
27:02I do, yeah
27:03Who is it?
27:04Who is it?
27:05It's Mammy
27:07Wait, the woman in the video is your mother?
27:09Yeah
27:10Okay, so the answer to the question is
27:13My brother, James Lynch
27:16That's right, love, you're right
27:19And the answer is
27:20James Lynch
27:21Yes
27:21Yay!
27:26Munther Connacht
27:26We're back to you, let's have your next question
27:31Well, Amy, Conor here, I'm with the two Fergals, you're with the two Johnnies
27:35Munther Connacht last won the Junior Championship in 1976 against Banya
27:39Our question for you today is
27:42Whose cows are those?
27:46Whose cows are they out the back of the GEF field?
27:48Right
27:49It is
27:50Owen Brodie's cows
27:51Owen Brodie's cows
27:53Yes
27:53Right, well, let's find out if you're right
27:55And the answer is
27:57The Brodie's
28:02Tyg, we're starting with Nerney, here we go, here's your question
28:05Hi Tyg, Gillian here from the shop
28:07Can you tell us which local farmer sells us these potatoes?
28:13No Tyg, that's Gillian from the shop
28:15No need for first names, the shop
28:18I like how you, I like how you roll in Nerney, there
28:20Too much hardship to name the shop
28:22It's just the shop
28:24Who produces them spuds?
28:26Eh, jeez
28:28John Byrne
28:29John Byrne
28:30John Byrne
28:31Okay, all right
28:32John Byrne, is it
28:33Let's find out if you're right
28:34And the answer is
28:36The Byrnes
28:37CHEERING
28:38Come on, come on
28:39Come on
28:40Come on
28:41Come on
28:42Come on
28:43Come on
28:44Come on
28:45Come on
28:46Come on
28:47Come on
28:48Okay, Aisling
28:49Let's go back to Khalidi for your next question
28:52Hi Aisling
28:53Margaret and Mike here
28:54We're here in the shop in Nahina
28:56And Margaret has a question for you
28:58Aisling
28:59What year did my mother open the shop?
29:06Now that is Khalidi's posh and Bex, Margaret and Mike
29:09Oh God
29:11What year did Margaret's mother open the shop?
29:13Like I think it's the 50s
29:15Between 53 and 54
29:17Come on
29:18Give it a go
29:1954?
29:201954
29:21Okay, let's go back to Dexter's laboratory and find out
29:24And the answer is
29:291953
29:30Oh
29:31That's a girl
29:34Unlucky
29:35Unlucky
29:36Unlucky
29:39Jake, you ready?
29:40Just to go up now
29:41Let's go to the Premier County for our next question
29:47Hi Jake
29:48Andy here
29:49With your McCool's two hounds
29:51With last Thursday evening
29:53This hound here, Pepe
29:55Had a big birthday party in Palmuca
29:57Your father was there with many others
29:59He had a cheesecake
30:00The lads had a sponge cake
30:02But what age was Pepe?
30:07Okay, the question is
30:08The question is
30:09What age was Pepe the dog last week?
30:11Well, I wasn't invited
30:12That was...
30:14I didn't even get to collect your father that night
30:18Er...
30:19That dog's fair old
30:20Yeah
30:2216
30:24That's a fair age
30:25Let's go back to Andy
30:26And find out if you're right
30:28Aye Jake
30:29I hope you got it right
30:30Or you'll be in trouble the next evening
30:32But Mr Pepe
30:33Celebrated his 16th birthday
30:35It's a draw lads
30:41Which means we need a tiebreaker
30:42Right, can we get Davy Russell
30:43Give us a hand with this tiebreaker
30:45Davy Russell
30:48Jump in here Dave
30:50This is a tough quiz lads
30:51It is a tough quiz
30:52Well you see you're not from those parishes Davy
30:54I know
30:551953 and 1954
30:58Do you know what I mean?
30:59No
31:00No
31:01Right, okay lads
31:02So our question is
31:03Davy Russell
31:04Champion jockey
31:05All his life
31:06Had to be on top of his weight
31:07In order to race
31:08Our question is
31:09Now he's retired
31:10What weight is he?
31:12You have a weight
31:14No please
31:15Tygen Nerny
31:16To the nearest KG
31:18What weight would you say Davy
31:19He's laying the mutton down
31:20What's your reckon Tyge?
31:23What's your reckon Tyge?
31:24His own height
31:25His height
31:26His height quarters are
31:27Have a good
31:28Have a good look at him now
31:31What would you put on him Tyge?
31:33Ehhh
31:35Shhh
31:3788kg
31:3888kg
31:3988kg
31:40What's that in old money?
31:41I don't know
31:42I don't know what that is in old money
31:4388kg
31:44Ashley
31:45Pure shot in the dark
31:47I'd say 85kg
31:49Ok she's went for a little less than 85kg
31:51Well here's the moment of the truth
31:52Davy jump off
31:53We're back in the weigh room
31:55Oh I mean like
31:56With or without clothes?
31:57We'll be back after the break
32:00We'll be back after the break
32:01With clothes
32:02We'll live on the clothes
32:03I'll just hop up in it
32:04She'll work away
32:05Will she?
32:06Ok
32:07Including the boots
32:1088kg
32:11Which means Tyge is the winner
32:13Yeah
32:14Yeah
32:15Yeah
32:16Yeah
32:17Yeah
32:18Yeah
32:19Yeah
32:20Yeah
32:21Yeah
32:22Yeah
32:23Yeah
32:24Now
32:25Here is the moment of the truth ok
32:26In one of these envelopes
32:27Is an all expenses paid trip
32:29To Las Vegas
32:30Woo
32:31Woo
32:32Now also in there ok
32:35Is
32:36A bag of spuds
32:37From
32:38The shop
32:39Yeah
32:40Which envelope are you going to take Tyge
32:42What's it going to be
32:43In one of them is the trip to Vegas
32:44And the others the bag of spuds
32:45We're going with this one
32:46You're going with that one closest to you ok Tyge
32:48Open her up
32:49And let us know
32:50Dead right bless yourself
32:51I'd be fingers crossed for you Tyge
32:53Hold it up to the camera what have you got
32:54What's it going to be?
32:55A bag of spuds
32:56Thanks, give it up for Clayton Ashley
33:01Woo
33:07Free from desire
33:09Mind and senses purify
33:11Free from desire
33:12Mind and senses purify
33:14Free from desire
33:16Mind and senses purify
33:18Free from desire
33:20Woo
33:21Na na na na na na na na na na na
33:24Now ladies and gentlemen, you may not know this, we don't like to bring it up too often, but tip one the All-Ireland.
33:43Whoa, take that, Carlo.
33:47And tonight, in the bar, is a very important guest.
33:52Can I make my way down please, if you don't mind ladies and gentlemen, sorry, how are you, what's your name, you're not our guest, but thank you, I'm not you, Nika Kenny Jersey either lads, because if you don't mind, right here behind you all, all evening has been, Dalene MacArthur!
34:10Now, Tipperary were lucky enough to win it this year, but only ten counties have ever won the hurling All-Ireland Championship, and had the chance to climb those hallowed steps and make the famous speech.
34:24So we thought we'd let some counties, who have never won the All-Ireland, some people here in the audience might like to lift it, like I see a whole mix of jerseys, where are you guys from?
34:36Baltimore, America.
34:37Baltimore, have never won it?
34:40Right, is, say for example, is there anyone here from Tyrone?
34:45Okay, let's go, have a chance.
34:50This, this, this should go well, I think.
34:54Okay, who's from Tyrone?
34:56Tyrone have never won the Liam McCarty, have they?
34:59That's right, I know.
35:00Well, would you like the chance now to lift the cup and make a speech?
35:02Cheers, I'd love it, eh.
35:03Okay, are you ready, so in your own time, ready?
35:06Well.
35:07What would you like to thank?
35:12Cheers, I'd like to thank my whole family and all the good people at Trillacan, especially my uncle Rodney Kelly, a big inspiration for me.
35:20No, this is, this is unbelievable, never thought I'd lift this thing in my life.
35:27Thanks very much.
35:29Give it up for Tyrone, everybody.
35:34Back to you, Johnny Smacks.
35:36Thank you, John.
35:37Now, as Johnny B said, only ten counties have won the Liam McCarty Cup.
35:40One of those counties have won it since 1998.
35:44I am, of course, talking about Offaly.
35:47Neil, do you remember the summer of 1998?
35:50Shut your face.
35:52Yes, it was brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
35:54First team to be knocked out and still win it, when it got in the back door.
35:57The way all Offaly people like to do it.
36:01That sounded weird when I was younger too.
36:04I'm from Rosgray, so right on the border.
36:06Yeah, occupied Offaly.
36:07Yeah.
36:08Yeah.
36:09So, you know, I'm always kind of giving Offaly a ribbon, but I think it's time that, you know, we get the Liam McCarthy over.
36:14Give it to an Offaly man.
36:15Oh, yes, please.
36:16I think it's only fair now.
36:17Would you like to see Neil Delamere lift the Liam McCarthy Cup?
36:19Oh, yes.
36:20I don't know about this.
36:21For the boys of Offaly.
36:22Come on, what about Carl?
36:23Oh, no, no, no.
36:24I don't know if I can do this, John.
36:25Oh, my God.
36:26There's a good chance I may not be able to show me face around Rosgrave for a while, but Neil Delamere, you've surely practiced this in the mirror as a young fella.
36:37No, I knew I was so shite, I didn't get anyone here.
36:40I'd like to thank my uncle, Rodney Kelly.
36:43He moved down from Tyrone, and this is why we won.
36:48Can I do the speech I would make?
36:50Oh, lads, it's, listen, it's customary in this position, we want to say hip-hip-a-ray to the losing team.
36:56But it was Kilkenny, and you can't beat those fuckers by enough, so...
37:00Yeah, put it up, lift it up, lift it up, lift it up, lift it up.
37:15Oh, blue, it is a lovely colour, till it gets the second dip.
37:19That's the way with the outland's courting, you'll never know when he'll take a fit.
37:24Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro. Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day.
37:29Oh, madam, I have gold and silver, madam, I have tracts of land, madam, I have ships in the ocean, all I'm missing is a fine young man.
37:38Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro. Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day.
37:43Oh, going to the well for water, washing it around for to make some tay.
37:48He fell over, I fell under, all of the game was above, didn't he?
37:52Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro. Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day.
37:58Oh, madam, you can tie my garter, tie it up above my knee. If you want, you can tie it further.
38:05Madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day. Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro. Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day.
38:12Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro. Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-did-a-ro. Oh, madam, I'm a darlin' a dire-o-day.
38:18Yay!
38:20So you can match the personality of an animal to what kind of person they should be with.
38:29It's not die or relate again with animals is it?
38:32It kind of is.
38:34We're back to leash.
38:36There's two Jack Russells.
38:38We're wondering if you could describe, we've got an animal here for you.
38:42This is Goujon who is a five year old golden retriever.
38:45I mean what kind of person owns a Goujon?
38:49Well the person who should own a golden retriever is someone that likes to walk and someone who's active.
38:53Because a lot of dogs are rehomed because people get a cockapoo and they live in a fucking flat in Dublin or something.
38:58So I would think a quite active person that likes walking.
39:02We've got another dog for you here.
39:04This is Ted Hastings who's a four year old golden doodle.
39:08What kind of a person owns him?
39:10Well that would probably be an old lady or an elderly gay man.
39:14Great, we can tell you there are two dogs.
39:20Nailed it.
39:21Well, the question is which Johnny owns which dog?
39:24Oh.
39:27Who's been doing more walking?
39:30It's impossible to tell isn't it?
39:32Golden retriever.
39:34Yeah.
39:35That's my Goujon.
39:36Yeah, golden doodle.
39:37I am of course.
39:38He's going to one, he's going to one.
39:39I am of course an elderly gay man.
39:45So we have a series of pictures which show you at your absolute peak.
39:48So we thought we'd play a game.
39:49Are you up for this?
39:50Yeah.
39:51OK, it's called Game Face where you have to tell us which event you are participating in.
39:56Just going from your facial expressions.
39:58Right.
39:59Let's have a look at your first picture.
40:02It has to be long jump because I always put the worst faces to a long jump surely.
40:07You reckon it's long jump?
40:08If I do that in any other event that's really embarrassing.
40:10OK.
40:11Let's find out if it is long jump.
40:14Yay!
40:15It's the long jump.
40:17Always the worst photos.
40:19Always.
40:21Let's have a look at another photo, OK?
40:22Now.
40:23I know it instantly as well.
40:26Could have been a really big curry.
40:31What do you reckon Cale?
40:32It has to be the shot put.
40:33The shot put.
40:34It has to be.
40:35This is me trying to do maths.
40:36It has to be.
40:38Right, let's find out if it is the shot put.
40:40There it is.
40:41Yay!
40:46Let's have one more, let's have a look.
40:47OK.
40:49I know it again, it's a long jump.
40:50It has to be like.
40:51OK, let's have a look.
40:52Is it the long jump?
40:53It has to be.
40:54It has to be.
40:55It is you long jumping over the list.
41:00So, we're going to show you some pictures.
41:02This is the view you would have had when you were riding these horses winning races.
41:06Did I?
41:07Are these horses that I rode?
41:08Yes.
41:09OK.
41:10So let's have a look at horse number one.
41:12No way.
41:13No way.
41:14No way.
41:15No way.
41:16I didn't ride that horse.
41:17It's got a double bridle on.
41:18No way.
41:19So.
41:20You did?
41:21That's one of yours.
41:22That's one of yours.
41:23That's one of yours.
41:24Yeah.
41:25They don't all look the same from behind, Davey.
41:26Right, Davey, look.
41:27You rode this horse.
41:28Who is it?
41:29Sam Craw.
41:30Sam Craw.
41:31Smacks?
41:32Well, Davey, let's find out if you're right.
41:33It is Sam Craw!
41:34That's fucking good.
41:35That's amazing.
41:36OK, we've got another one.
41:37Yeah, yeah, we've got another.
41:38OK, Davey, here's a look at horse number two.
41:41Now, that is, that is, I would say a harder one.
41:43That's one of yours.
41:44It's one of yours.
41:45Yeah.
41:46It's one of yours.
41:47They don't all look the same from behind, Davey.
41:48Right, Davey, look.
41:49You rode this horse.
41:50Who is it?
41:51Who is it?
41:52Sam Craw.
41:53So, Max?
41:54Well, Davey, let's find out if you're right.
41:55It is Sam Craw!
41:56Yeah!
41:57That's amazing!
41:58That's amazing.
41:59I would say a harder one.
42:01Very hairy.
42:04No, I...
42:06No, you did!
42:07They're all horses.
42:09We know you did!
42:10They're all horses you rode.
42:11Right.
42:12I...
42:13I...
42:14I don't know that horse, no.
42:15Take a guess.
42:16If it's, erm...
42:18Fieldor.
42:19It's not Irish Point.
42:21Oh, good horse.
42:22Yeah.
42:23It was my last winner.
42:25Yeah, your last winner.
42:26Yeah, my last winner.
42:27Yeah, good horse him.
42:28Uh, okay.
42:29He can't hear you.
42:30Yeah.
42:31Let's have a look at one more.
42:32One more, one more horse.
42:33Ah, the man himself, is it?
42:36What are you saying?
42:37What are you saying?
42:38Is that the tiger?
42:39It is tiger oil!
42:40Yeah!
42:45What is he?
42:46Good horse.
42:47Good horse.
42:48Good horse.
42:49Your man still gives out about your fashion choices from time to time.
42:51I mean, is it fair to say she's trolling you a bit?
42:53When I'm...
42:54She is my ultimate troll.
42:55I had to ban her from texting me when I'm live on television.
42:59Because it was...
43:00Oh, state of your hair.
43:02Jesus.
43:03Bit heavy with the make-up.
43:04Bit heavy with the make-up this morning.
43:06Do you think that...
43:07Do you think that shirt is right?
43:08Oh my God, are you pregnant?
43:09Did you forget to tell me?
43:10And this is just...
43:11Wait, in the middle of the show?
43:12In the middle of...
43:13Like, it will start at 7 and it will not stop until 10.
43:16So I had to ban her.
43:17We have some of the messages that your ma'am has sent you.
43:19Oh no!
43:20She's got out.
43:21This is for you.
43:22The hair is a big page.
43:24Can't see your face with your hair.
43:26With your hair.
43:27Yeah.
43:28So this is in the middle of the show.
43:29You might check your forehead to brain.
43:307.40 in the morning.
43:3120 to 8.
43:32I've been on air for 40 minutes.
43:33We have another one here.
43:34Hair lovely, but you're very pale.
43:36Very pale.
43:37It's not the time, Mary.
43:40We're living in different times, girls.
43:41Mary's on fire.
43:428.19.
43:43We've got another one here.
43:44Hate that blouse mirror.
43:45Bin bin.
43:46Bin bin.
43:49And I think this is my personal favourite.
43:51Love your jumper.
43:52TV3, keep showing your Spanx.
43:57We've wondered, like, what it's like to get hit by a professional boxer.
44:00Yeah.
44:01And thankfully Johnny V has said he's willing...
44:03to get hit by a professional boxer.
44:07So we...
44:11So...
44:12I mean...
44:13Would you...
44:14This one's not that potted.
44:16Good.
44:17Good.
44:18Good.
44:19It is a bit...
44:20Give it to him, Mick.
44:21Fucking give it to him.
44:22You sound like that, yeah?
44:24Sorry.
44:25Alright.
44:26I'll get it wrong.
44:27Oh!
44:28Did you see it?
44:29Did you see it?
44:30Did you see it?
44:31Did you see it?
44:32Did you see it?
44:33Did you see it?
44:34Alright.
44:35Alright.
44:36Alright.
44:37Alright.
44:38Alright.
44:39Alright.
44:40Alright.
44:41Why are you going again?
44:42I'm going again again.
44:43What?
44:44What do you want more?
44:45You hit me with your bad hand.
44:46Well, it's all your time for tonight, lads.
45:00Back in the house for the two Johnnies late-night lock-in season finale!
45:06Yeah, yeah, fuck you, yeah!
45:10You hit my football game.
45:11It was gonna stop with it.
45:12One, two, three, um, oh-oh-oh.
45:17All right.
45:18Let's do this.
45:21Whoo.
45:23Whoo!
45:24Whoo!
45:25Whoo!
45:26Whoo!
45:27Tools of water, thanks for the Crowman's organization.
45:31She was a sexy lady.
45:34How would do you go?
45:35We'll work, see you.
45:36We'll einfach the hammer.
45:37Oh et me there.
45:38We Seiten on .
45:39For that night, she was in for the fight.
45:41She said, greetings.
45:43Hold tight with a new chair.
45:44Hold tight with a mic in the left hand.
45:46It's me, I won't find the booting.
45:47Are you ready now?
45:48Go to the rooms, now life.
45:49It has no meaning.
45:51Are you ready now?
45:51Move to the madness.
45:53I'm calling back to you.
45:54We bring this group to you.
45:57Are you ready now?
45:59Move to the groove.
46:01Put your hands up in the air.
46:02Come on, come on.
46:03One super question I ask you.
46:06Are you ready?
46:09Woo-hoo!
46:11Come on, come on, come on.
46:13Woo-hoo!
46:14Come on, come on.
46:15All right.
46:16And I'll say she goes back to me in the house.
46:18Come on.
46:19Let's hear you see.
46:20She's a maniac.
46:22She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
46:27And she's dancing.
46:29And she's dancing like she ever did before.
46:34Why do you run the two Johnnies dance floor?
46:36She's a maniac, maniac on the floor.
46:39Sing it!
46:40Sing it!
46:41And she's dancing.
46:42And she's dancing like she never did before.
46:47Audience, who needs a patient's time?
46:49She said put your hands in the air.
46:53Side to side like you just don't care.
46:57Everybody in the house on a party night scream all back to me.
47:00I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm.
47:02I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm the I'm
47:32We'll see you soon. Bye, bye, bye, bye.
48:02Bye, bye, bye.
48:33With all my love, I place this wedding ring upon your finger. It won't be time to share a love for me to see you.
48:50Oh, gracious, hold me in your arms and let this moment linger.
49:01They'll take me out of the dawn that I will die.
49:08With all my love, I place this wedding ring upon your finger.
49:18It won't be time to share a love for me to see you.
49:26It won't be time to share a love for me to see you.
49:43It won't be time to share a love for me to see you.
50:00It won't be time to share a love for me to see you.
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