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00:01Listen, I'm just thinking...
00:03Shall we get the Christmas tree down while I'm up here?
00:06Yes, all right. I suppose we could.
00:08Right, I'll pass it down to you. Ready?
00:10Give me a minute!
00:15Just wash yourself with it.
00:17Yes, all right, Eric. I'm not totally useless.
00:27Are they okay?
00:28Yep, all fine.
00:30Mm-mm-mm.
00:33Mm-mm-mm.
00:38Oh-oh-oh-oh.
00:40Oh-oh-oh-oh.
00:42Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
00:46Do you not think it's a bit early to put it up?
00:49I mean, it's not even December yet.
00:50It's fine. Who's got any notice?
00:52GNOCK CLICK
00:58Christine!
00:59That's me definitely going.
01:01Going where?
01:02To Ireland.
01:03For God's sake, Beth, do you not listen to a thing I tell you?
01:07Of course I do.
01:08We're in the middle of a big clear art and I'm just a wee bit busy.
01:11Right, okay.
01:12I'll come in and I'll talk you through the arrangements,
01:14but I cannot stay long.
01:21You putting your Christmas tree up?
01:23It's a bit early, is it, no?
01:25Yes, well, we were up in the loft anyways,
01:28so we just thought we might as well.
01:30You see, I always follow what the church does
01:34and they put it up twelve days before.
01:36No, you're thinking a twelfth night.
01:38That's when you take it down.
01:40Yes, a church puts theirs up on the first Sunday of December.
01:44Do they?
01:45Well, that's awful early.
01:47I think I'll have to have a word with Father Haggerty about that.
01:50I don't think it was ever up that early on Father Kowalski's day.
01:54But he really was a religious man.
01:58Where is it he is now?
01:59Be in Kew in its hill.
02:01But I don't think I'll bother putting up a tree this year,
02:05what with me not being here.
02:06What's this?
02:07I'm going to visit my cousin Dervla in Ireland for Christmas, Eric.
02:11Oh, it's fantastic they made contact with you.
02:14Oh, I know, Beth.
02:15And to think if Dervla hadn't sent that saliva sample off to Ancestry.com,
02:21we might never have known that we were related.
02:25Imagine if she'd had a dry mouth that day.
02:29And whereabouts are they?
02:31County Galway, Eric.
02:32Oh.
02:33I've got the train to Stronra, a ferry to Larn, a bus into Belfast,
02:38and then coach down to Galway.
02:40Oh, bet you'd trek that.
02:42So, will it be Dervla's whole family?
02:45Oh, yes.
02:46Her husband Owen, now he's got his own plumbing business,
02:49so I will be looking forward to her bath.
02:52That's definitely on the list.
02:55And then there's our twin girls, Maeve and Aoife.
02:58Oh.
02:59It'll be nice to meet them,
03:00because they're actually my...
03:02What is it?
03:03My first cousins?
03:04No, no, no.
03:05Second.
03:06Oh, aye.
03:07I'm forgetting they're twins.
03:09Well, you'll have a great time, I'm sure.
03:12Oh, I hope so, Eric.
03:14I must say I'm looking forward to it.
03:17Although it will be strange not being at home on Christmas Day.
03:21I know you're always keen to have me in here, Beth,
03:25so I do feel a bit guilty that I might be letting you down.
03:29Are you sure you're okay with me going?
03:32You're all right.
03:33You'll be fine.
03:34Well, I think it's time we get down to discussing
03:36what bag I'm taking, eh?
03:38Ah, well, the thing is, Christine...
03:41Oh, who's this interrupting us?
03:44I don't know what the...
03:49That's not you got your Christmas tree up already, is it, Beth?
03:52Beth?
03:53Well, I...
03:54It's a bit early, is it, no?
03:55Well, we were up in the loft...
03:57Do you know, just let her do it, Con.
03:59Brighten up that dingy front room.
04:01I suppose so.
04:02It's okay, Beth, that's fine.
04:04If it gives you something I look forward to, that's okay.
04:06Should we go in and see it?
04:07Oh.
04:08She'll be put out if we don't.
04:10Do you know what she's like?
04:11Right.
04:12We'll just come in for a minute and see it, Beth.
04:17Apparently, the cooked breakfast on board the Stena Line are excellent, huh?
04:24Irene up the high flats told me they serve a black pudding
04:28that is technically illegal on dry land.
04:32Ah, here he is.
04:33We elf here helping you pin your tree up, Beth.
04:36He's far too big for an elf, Colin.
04:39And there's Christine.
04:40What?
04:41How you doing?
04:42Oh, not bad, Colin.
04:43That is me all booked up for Ireland for Christmas.
04:47You're going to Ireland for Christmas, are you?
04:49Oh, yes.
04:50I'm staying with my cousin Dervla in Galway.
04:53Oh, that's nice.
04:54You're not going to be here, Christine.
04:56You'll be having a bit of the black stuff over there, eh?
04:59Remember, we went to the Guinness factory when we were in Dublin, Kath.
05:02Oh, God, that place!
05:04Oh, I will not be going back there.
05:06Oh, why not?
05:07Only serve as fucking Guinness.
05:09So is this you getting outside for Christmas then?
05:11What's the plans?
05:13Oh, well, nothing special.
05:15It's just the two of us, so just, you know, traditional.
05:18Traditional?
05:19Well, you've not made a very good start putting your tree up this fucking early.
05:23And what about you two? Do you know what you're doing?
05:26We're going to that same hotel again on Christmas Day because we quite like it, don't we?
05:30It's really festive how they decorate it all.
05:33And you get steak instead of turkey, a cocktail instead of Christmas pudding,
05:37and there's a massive smoking section out by the Nativity.
05:40The problem we've got is we don't know what presents to get.
05:44Well, I'm fine just with money.
05:46No, I mean, for each other.
05:49Yeah, we're not getting you anything, Eric.
05:51See, we've already caught everything, haven't we?
05:53Oh, poor you, right enough.
05:55I always get called in pants for Christmas, but I can't get any more in the drawer.
05:59No.
06:00And you can't exactly take the old ones to the charity shop, can you?
06:03No, they don't take them.
06:05Well, certainly the British Heart Foundation don't.
06:08Though Irene did tell me about a website where there seems to be quite a lot of interest.
06:14We were just going up to the charity shop once we'd finished the tree.
06:18Are you getting yourself something, Beth?
06:20Well, it is finished, really, apart from turning on the lights.
06:23OK, then, let's see the big switch on.
06:26Yes, come on, Eric.
06:27I'll puff your fat arse.
06:31Here, Beth.
06:32This reminds me of that time we saw Marty Perlow switch on the lights in Clyde Bank.
06:37Do you remember that, Beth?
06:38I do.
06:39I'm not actually sure whether he was on the heroin at that point,
06:42cos we were quite far back, you know?
06:45Right, we all ready?
06:46Aye.
06:47Yeah.
06:48Come on, Eric.
06:49Well, you know, you can always stop by the dump as well.
07:05Don't know how much longer I'm going to manage getting in and out of this seat, Alan.
07:08You want to start getting in the back?
07:10No, I mean, you might need to get a card or get on my insurance or something.
07:14Aye.
07:15Right, right.
07:16I'm really starting to struggle on the stairs as well.
07:18You may be shocked to jump too soon.
07:24Look!
07:25Beth's got her Christmas tree up.
07:27Think we should go over and say a wee quick hello and see it?
07:30Nah.
07:31We've got a nice picture of us in front of the Oscar Wilde statue in Dublin, haven't we?
07:38Aye.
07:39Oh, you know, my favourite quote of his is when he was going through customs in America and he said,
07:45I have nothing to declare but my genius.
07:49Well, I preferred the statue of Morley Malone.
07:53You go up, rub her tits, brings you luck.
07:55Oh, for God's sake.
07:57It did as well.
07:59We went to Temple Bar after that.
08:01We didn't get hassled by one beggar.
08:03Oh.
08:06I'll go.
08:12Oh, hello, you two.
08:13Or should that be two and a half?
08:16She's some size new in Cherwick.
08:19Train to Strenra, ferry to land, bus to Belfast, coach to Galway.
08:24My God, I need a flight to Switzerland after that.
08:27That's a proper Irish road trip, that.
08:29It is, Colin.
08:30But, you know, I now feel I've got a really deep connection to Ireland.
08:35Now that I know for sure that I've got Irish blood in me.
08:39If you're going to Galway, would you know me better flying to Shannon?
08:42Where's that?
08:43Oh, hi, Michelle.
08:44Hi, Alan.
08:45Hi.
08:46Hello, everyone.
08:47Sorry to just appear at your door, Beth.
08:49Don't worry about that.
08:50No-one else does.
08:51How are you, Michelle?
08:52Oh, yeah, I'm fine.
08:53Just so tired all the time.
08:54Oh, yeah, you do look really knackered.
08:57Come and sit down, Michelle.
08:58Come on, pet.
08:59There we go.
09:00Sit down, yeah.
09:01Who's you, Alan, eh?
09:02Everything all right?
09:03Aye, all right.
09:04Just back for the garage with the van.
09:05Oh, no.
09:06Something wrong with it?
09:07Somebody ran into the back of me, Eric.
09:08Oh, my God.
09:09What happened?
09:10Were you eating a sausage roll while you were driving, Alan?
09:12No, I was coming off the motorway to go through the tunnel.
09:13Oh, no.
09:14Something wrong with it?
09:15Somebody ran into the back of me, Eric.
09:16Oh, my God.
09:17What happened?
09:18Were you eating a sausage roll while you were driving, Alan?
09:19No, I was coming off the motorway to go through the tunnel and it was a wee jam, so I had
09:29to slow right down.
09:30Next thing I know, somebody's ran into the back of me.
09:32Oh, and they'd be on their phone, no doubt.
09:35Aye.
09:36And see the faucet?
09:37Mines flew right out my hand under the seat.
09:39They took their time fixing it at the garage, didn't they?
09:42Yeah.
09:43Alan was late picking me up from my antenatal class.
09:45Oh, no.
09:46That's fine, Beth.
09:47You can't see the dent at all.
09:48So, anyway, how are you guys doing?
09:52How's Ian?
09:53Oh, he's fine, aye.
09:55He's coming over to have a look through his old stuff before we junk it.
09:58Are you trying to get rid of every trace of him, Eric?
10:01Have you any baby stuff, Eric?
10:03Because maybe Alan and Michelle might want that.
10:05I remember she used to have them in a lot of brown, Michelle.
10:09Eric, it's fine.
10:10I've ordered loads of stuff already, actually.
10:13You know, the wee baby grows and the jammies and the wee onesies.
10:17They're just all so cute, aren't they?
10:19Oh, they are, Michelle.
10:21Well, until they soil them.
10:23Have you made any decisions on names, Michelle?
10:26No, because we still can't seem tickery on anything, can we?
10:30But if it's a boy, I like the name Lewis.
10:34Good Scottish name, that.
10:37I don't think it says a bit like Lewis, though, Eric.
10:40Honey, you're definitely sure you don't want to find out what you're having, Michelle?
10:45I mean, that would make it a bit easier.
10:47No, I just don't want to know.
10:50No, I'm not that interested either, Michelle.
10:53Can I get you a tea or a glass of water or something?
10:57I'd take a water off you if it's not too much trouble, Beth.
11:00What about the rest of us, Beth?
11:02I hear.
11:03Have you got any mince pies?
11:04A wee cup of tea in a mince pie, I believe.
11:07Well, the thing is...
11:08Why?
11:09A tea in a mince pie?
11:10I wouldn't say no.
11:11What's to the season?
11:12No, I fucking hate mince pies.
11:14Have you got the ones with the brandy in them, Beth?
11:16Well, I'll take one of them, though.
11:18No, you see...
11:19You know, I love the ones with all the cream on the top.
11:21Oh, have you tried them?
11:22Oh, I like the sound of them.
11:24Have you got any of them, Beth?
11:25I haven't got any mince pies.
11:28Aww.
11:30You cannae invite us all in here saying it's the start of Christmas
11:34and know of any Christmas stuff in for us.
11:36We didn't do that.
11:37You've got your tree up, Eric.
11:39You know, that sends a message.
11:41It's like the swing of pampas grass.
11:43Yes, Eric.
11:44Shut your face.
11:45Is that really a thing, that, the pampas grass?
11:47I thought it was just, like, one of those things folks say.
11:49Oh, no, no, no, no.
11:50There's a couple round the new bulbs that had it
11:52and they were very, very active.
11:55Apparently.
11:56Beth, don't worry about the water, actually.
11:58I'm fine.
11:59Aye.
12:00And it makes the baby kick, then she goes on about it.
12:02Don't be daft.
12:03Of course I'll get you a glass of water
12:05and I'm happy to do teas and coffees for anyone who's wanting.
12:08I just don't have any mince pies.
12:11I mean, we were just clearing out the loft,
12:15not declaring that it was officially Christmas.
12:18I mean, I'd like to have the power to do that,
12:20but I'm afraid I don't.
12:21OK?
12:26Beth.
12:28You don't even have a wee tub of celebrations or nothing, no?
12:35A bit early with the tree, are you not?
12:49What, is it just feeling Christmassy?
12:51I wish we'd never bothered, to be honest.
12:56Quality Street is what I used to get
12:59when it was just Sophie and me, you know?
13:02Oh, the green ones were my favourite.
13:05I used to love them.
13:06No, I'm a little bit Sophie.
13:07What ones were hers?
13:08Oh, the other ones.
13:11All right.
13:12Not like you to have a house full.
13:14Aye, son.
13:15How are you, Ian?
13:16How are you, Dad?
13:17How are you calling?
13:18How are you, Cathy?
13:19How are you doing, Ian?
13:20Oh, I'm fine.
13:21How are you guys? Everything OK?
13:22OK.
13:23Not really, Ian.
13:24Somebody went into the back of my van.
13:25Oh, no.
13:26I know.
13:27I'll just get it back today.
13:28You weren't in it at the time, were you?
13:29No.
13:30Oh, well, could have been worse.
13:31You're saying that, but that was two full days it was after odd.
13:36Anyway, how are you doing, Ian?
13:37How's Gordon?
13:38Aye, he's good.
13:39He's coming over here to meet me after college.
13:41Oh, is he still enjoying it?
13:42Oh, aye, he's loving it.
13:44I'm not loving being the only one earning, no?
13:46No.
13:47And you'll be in a very poor wage as it is, Ian.
13:50What did he pack his job in for anyway, Ian?
13:53Oh, basically he just wasn't happy.
13:55Oh, you see, this is the new thing, isn't it?
13:59You don't like something, you just stop doing it.
14:02Never used to be like that.
14:04No, you just kept going.
14:05That was your lot.
14:06You just had to accept it.
14:08Like you with Eric, Beth.
14:10Right, listen.
14:11You want to look through this stuff from the loft before we throw it out?
14:14All right, now.
14:15Oh.
14:16OK, where is it?
14:17I'll go and get it.
14:18So, what are you and Gordon up to for Christmas then?
14:22Oh, just having a quiet one, to be honest.
14:24We did invite them, but they said no.
14:26Oh, I've got an assignment.
14:28He'd sort of taken over everything at the minute.
14:30And what's it on?
14:31That's the thing.
14:32He can't make up his mind.
14:33Do you think he's quite a weak person, Ian?
14:35We get rid of a lot of other stuff, but we weren't sure
14:39whether you'd want to keep any of this.
14:44God, my old laptop.
14:46I remember the year you got me this.
14:48I remember going to Curry's out at Renfrew to get it.
14:51Oh, that is a nice store, that.
14:54Me and Pat went there to get Sophie her Game Boy.
14:58That was a big present that year.
15:00Did you get her one?
15:01No, they were sold out.
15:02So I just got her a lady shave instead.
15:05And if I remember right, I think Pat got some Hoover bags.
15:10God, I can remember taking the wrapping off it.
15:13Went straight upstairs and onto the porn, eh, Ian?
15:15Ian, gay porn on Christmas Day.
15:19We didn't want to just throw it out.
15:21No, no, no.
15:22Listen, he could have some good stuff in it, Eric.
15:24Look, I'll take this, but you can get rid of the rest.
15:26Oh, are you sure?
15:27That hat and scarf set was a present as well.
15:30And I don't think you've ever worn them.
15:32Ian.
15:33He was always a very ungrateful wee boy, Michelle.
15:38I remember I gave him a banana once and he just threw it behind the hut.
15:44You'll need to get your mum something decent for that this year, Ian, to make up for that.
15:49Just get her a bottle of rosé, Ian. That's what we do.
15:52She always seems genuinely quite happy.
15:55Sorry, Mum. I'll take those as well.
15:58Oh, well, if you're sure. And if you don't like them, maybe Gordon will.
16:02Yeah. He's got no fashion sense at all, Ian.
16:05I still don't understand how he's starting college at his age.
16:09I mean, is he no too old?
16:12He's a mature student.
16:13Yeah, exactly. He's a mature student.
16:24Hello. How's it going?
16:26Are we going just now or am I coming in?
16:28No, I'm coming in, aren't I? Right-o.
16:32I get the train to Strenraer, ferry to Larne, bus to Belfast, coach down to Galway.
16:38That's a hurrier trip, that.
16:40Alan.
16:41It's a fair way, Alan, but when it is family, it is worth all the effort.
16:46Quite right.
16:47And you know, you'll be like Santa coming down from the North Pole with your big sack of Christmas presents.
16:53I'll no need to buy them all presents, will I?
16:58Hi, Gordon.
16:59Oh, hiya, Gordon.
17:00Gordon, what's that you've got on your head?
17:02Oh, it's my helmet. I came on my scooter.
17:06You came here by scooter?
17:07Er, yeah.
17:08It'll be one of those e-scooters.
17:10Ooh.
17:11Quite fancy one myself.
17:12Is that an e-scooter you've got, Gordon?
17:14No, it's just a regular one.
17:19Gordon, come here a minute. Come here.
17:26That's you. It was, er, sticking up a bit.
17:31So how's your course going, Gordon?
17:33Yeah, good. Yeah.
17:34What is it you're studying again?
17:36Sociology and literature.
17:37Oh, right.
17:38You're no bothered about getting a job after, are you?
17:42Ian says you've got an assignment to do.
17:44Oh, yeah.
17:45I haven't made up my mind what to do it on yet.
17:47It's meant to be something on cultural change, but it's such a big subject.
17:51Oh, God, yeah.
17:52What about Emmerdale going onto YouTube?
17:55I don't think that's the sort of thing Gordon's studying on his course, Christine.
18:01So it's literature you're doing, is it?
18:03Tell you a good book.
18:04What's that one I read on holiday?
18:06Oh, fuck that.
18:07You wouldn't put that down.
18:09He was reading it in bed.
18:10I know.
18:11I got right into it.
18:12So I did.
18:13I know what it was.
18:14It was Duncan Bannatine's autobiography.
18:15You read that, Gordon?
18:16Er, no.
18:17What about Maeve Benchy?
18:19You read any hers?
18:21All set in Ireland.
18:22They'll not be doing Maeve Benchy books on a literature course.
18:25I know it.
18:26There's fucking tons of them.
18:27I see you've got your Christmas tree up, Mrs Bed.
18:32Well, it's awful early, is it not, Gordon?
18:35You've not got yours up, have you?
18:37Well, no.
18:38It's also shit.
18:40Look at the state of it.
18:42It'll look great when you've got the rest of the decorations up.
18:47You're not seeing this, is it, are you?
18:49Well, we were having a clear out and there was decorations there that we'd had for years.
18:53They were a bit tatty.
18:55Erm, if you throw out everything tatty, you're not going to have anything left.
18:59Aw, Beth, we've got absolutely loads of Christmas decorations if you want some, haven't we, Alan?
19:04Aye.
19:05She can't go past them in a short without buying them.
19:07It's the same with toilet rolls.
19:08You've both got hundreds of them.
19:10I know, that's very kind, Michelle.
19:13Look, we've got piles of old ones as well.
19:15Aye, you could always have mine, Beth, since I'm going to be in Ireland.
19:19Alan, are we going to get some for Beth and Eric?
19:22Michelle, no, we...
19:23Honestly, Eric, it's fine, we've got way more than we've got room to put up, so...
19:26Come on, Eric, it's fucking miserable in here.
19:35Are we ready?
19:36Yes, Scott.
19:37Yay!
19:38That's proper Christmassy now, isn't it?
19:48Well, not till we get a bottle open.
19:51What about you boys?
19:53Shh!
19:54I won't tell anyone you're driving your scooter drunk, Gordon.
19:57Em, em, em, em, em, em, em, em!
20:00Yeah, I'll take one, if that's okay with you, Michelle.
20:03Oh, yeah, you guys go ahead.
20:05I'll just stick to my water.
20:07Did you not realise that being pregnant was going to be really boring, Michelle?
20:11Is it okay if I have a lager?
20:14Of course it is, Alan.
20:15Are you just saying that now and you'll give me a row later?
20:18Or do you really mean it?
20:20I think I've got a bottle of fizz in the fridge.
20:23Woo!
20:24You know when I think it feels like Christmas is coming?
20:27When you hear the Christmas songs on the radio.
20:29Yeah, I love Christmas songs.
20:31Hey, Eric, have you got that Christmas album?
20:34I think I do.
20:35As long as you haven't even thrown it out.
20:37Yes, Eric, you big stupid donkey.
20:40So when is it you're off to Ireland, Christine?
20:43Oh, not until the 21st, Michelle.
20:46Oh, God, it's just so exciting.
20:48You're going to have such a brilliant time.
20:50We loved Dublin, didn't we?
20:52We were saying earlier, Alan, that the Guinness that you get in the Guinness factory isn't like anywhere else.
20:57Aye, it's 20-fucking-euro.
21:01Awww!
21:07Right, everyone, well done.
21:12Sorry, Michelle.
21:13Oh, Beth, don't worry, I'm fine. I like my water.
21:16It's all right, Michelle. You can get pissed again once the baby's here.
21:19Well, this is a bit more like it, eh?
21:21Cheers, everybody.
21:23Cheers.
21:24Aye, cheers.
21:26Here, Beth, could you go and get me that wee glass that I like?
21:31I don't like the way this one feels in my hand.
21:34Oh.
21:38Thanks.
21:39Here, I hope you won't be so fussed over on Ireland, Christine, or they'll send you back.
21:43Dad, stick it on to the next song. I can't be bothered with this one. It goes on for ages.
21:53Oh, no, no, no, Cole. No, no, no. I hate this one. Get it off.
21:56She hates this.
21:57Why do you not like it, Cathy?
21:58I don't like the sound of children singing, Gordon.
22:01No, this, this is a classic.
22:05Oh, does this one not do your head in?
22:08Would you not like it, Alan?
22:09Oh, it's all right, but you hear it everywhere you go, don't you?
22:12It is a bit ubiquitous, yeah.
22:14I'll tell you one you hear everywhere. Band-Aid.
22:19Oh, it was amazing what they did with that.
22:22Oh, yes.
22:23Mm-hm.
22:24Although there is a bit of a backlash against it now.
22:27Against Band-Aid?
22:28Is it cos Bono's a wank?
22:30Alan.
22:31It is, but...
22:32It's just they think it maybe did more harm than good, cos it made people feel they'd solved the problem of global inequality when, in actual fact, it's worsened with the impact of climate change.
22:42Plus there's the whole white saviour thing, which is quite toxic as well.
22:47Oh.
22:49I didn't realise it was so controversial.
22:51Well, it's an interesting debate. I personally think that the...
22:56This is the best one ever.
22:58Oh, I do like this.
23:00What is it?
23:01The Pogues.
23:02Shane McGowan.
23:03Always pissed.
23:04Oh, him, yes.
23:06There's a couple of names for you, Michelle.
23:08What?
23:09Well, Shane for a boy or Kirsty for a girl.
23:11Oh, a good Irish name, that, Michelle. Shane.
23:16Actually, I quite like those.
23:19Aye.
23:20Wee Shane Edgar.
23:21Sounds good, doesn't it?
23:22Or Kirsty.
23:23Aye, that's all right, I know.
23:26Here, Christine.
23:27This is the one where the choir's singing Galway Bay.
23:30That's where you'll be at Christmas.
23:32Oh, here, so it is.
23:34Christine, it's just gonna feel really weird, you being away at your cousin's for Christmas.
23:41Beth.
23:48Do you think it's gonna be okay?
23:50What do you mean?
23:51Me going to deathless, but it's...
23:54Well, it's just I know that sometimes I can be a wee bit demanding.
24:00Oh, Christine.
24:01What if they end up wishing they'd ever made contact with me and cannae wait to see the back of me?
24:07You're going to have a wonderful time.
24:09Christmas is for families and they're your family.
24:12They're gonna be thrilled you're there.
24:14Do you think so?
24:15Yes.
24:20Here, Beth.
24:21You know how I'm getting the train to Strenra and then to getting the ferry?
24:25Yes.
24:26Train to Strenra, ferry to Larne, bus to Belfast and coach to Galway.
24:32You okay to give me a lift into the station?
24:36Yes.
24:37You okay there, Gordon?
24:38Any problem with this song?
24:40Well, it depends which version it is.
24:42What?
24:43Well, there's a word in the song that's quite offensive, so...
24:47What word?
24:48Well, I don't really want to say it.
24:50I think I know what it is.
24:51What is it, Beth?
24:52Is it scumbag?
24:53What is wrong with scumbag?
24:54It rhymes with maggot.
24:56It rhymes with maggot?
24:58Maybe just forward it on to the next one.
25:00What rhymes with maggot?
25:02I know, I know!
25:04What is it?
25:05It begins with an F, Christine.
25:08Fuck what?
25:09Look, maybe just put it off, Dad.
25:11What is it?
25:17What's wrong with that?
25:18It's quite offensive, especially to gay people.
25:21I thought it was Poofter was the one that he's in the like.
25:24Look, it's getting to the point you cannae say anything without offending someone.
25:28Oh, here we go.
25:30Well, it's ridiculous.
25:31I mean, you cannae even have a bit of homophobic swearing in a Christmas song any more.
25:36I think it's more we're just becoming more aware of how the things we say impact on other people
25:43and a recognition that some terms that were once in common usage were in fact offensive, frankly.
25:49We should probably make a move.
25:51What other words can we not say, Gordon?
25:53Well, it's not up to me.
25:55What about Fanny?
25:56If someone was to call you a silly Fanny, would you be offended by that?
26:00Cathy!
26:01Well, I wouldn't really be offended, but I mean, if we're going to get into it,
26:05I don't really think anyone should be using a female body part as an insult.
26:08Does that mean that you cannae say...
26:10Christine!
26:11What about Dick?
26:12Can you still call someone a dick?
26:14That's less bad.
26:15Oh, thank God for that.
26:17I see Dick quite a lot, don't I?
26:18Uh-huh.
26:19I may as well.
26:20Why is Dick not as bad, Gordon?
26:23Well, it's that men have historically been the dominant gender, so...
26:27What about wanker, Gordon?
26:28Because technically that's... that's either, isn't it?
26:31Arsehole.
26:32You know, we've all got one of those.
26:34And where would the gays be without them?
26:36Oh...
26:38I really think we should head.
26:40You know what I think, Gordon?
26:41What?
26:42I think you should do your assignment on all of this.
26:48Language and all that.
26:50How it's changed.
26:51You really know what you're talking about.
26:54Well, I don't think that's...
26:57I can't really see how that would...
27:02Actually, that's a really good idea.
27:09Don't forget your hat and scarf.
27:11Ah, yeah.
27:12See about that.
27:14Do you mind if we don't do presents this year?
27:16Oh, right.
27:18Yeah, it's just...
27:19We're a bit skint this year with me being at college.
27:22Is that why you're not coming over on Christmas Day?
27:27Kinda, yeah.
27:29Do not worry about presents, but come over for dinner.
27:32We'd love to have you.
27:35Right, okay.
27:37Cheers, Mum.
27:38Um, no hugs for me, Gordon.
27:39Oh.
27:40That's a nice kiss for you as well.
27:41Bye, Ian.
27:42Ooh.
27:43Is that your scooter, Gordon?
27:44Yeah.
27:45Ooh.
27:46I wonder if Cole would like one of those.
27:47Oh, my God, I could get him one for his Christmas.
27:48Cole!
27:49Cole!
27:50Come and get a look at Gordon's scooter!
27:51What's happening?
27:52I think Cole has got any of a Gordon's scooter.
27:53Oh, my God, I could get him one for his Christmas.
27:54Cole!
27:55Cole!
27:56Come and get a look at Gordon's scooter!
27:57What's happening?
27:58I think Cole has got any of a Gordon's scooter.
27:59Oh, I'd quite like to see that.
28:00I haven't been in one of these for years.
28:01Go on.
28:02I'd quite like to see that.
28:03I haven't been in one of these for years.
28:04Go on, Cole!
28:05He he he he.
28:06Whee!
28:07Whee!
28:08Woo!
28:09Woo!
28:10Oh, my God, I could get him one for his Christmas.
28:12Cole!
28:13Cole!
28:14Come and get a look at Gordon's scooter!
28:16What's happening?
28:17I think Cole has got any of a Gordon's scooter.
28:21Oh, I'd quite like to see that.
28:25I haven't been in one of these for years.
28:28Go on, Cole!
28:30He he he.
28:31Whee!
28:32Woo!
28:33Woo!
28:37Whoa!
28:39Oh!
28:41Oh, my fucking van!
28:47And there's loads more Two Doors Down on iPlayer.
28:50Press Red to watch now.
28:51It's Michael McIntyre's Christmas Wheel
28:54with a twist for the big day.
28:56Three celebs playing for charity.
28:58Richard Osmond, Mel Gedroich and Paddy McGuinness.
29:01Tomorrow, 6.45.
29:03Rockettes!
29:04All rights reserved.
29:05Rockettes though.
29:07Have no represents one part of your life.
29:08That we will forever live!
29:09They're both good!
29:10Yeah, exactly.
29:11I have a question about the market obviously.
29:12You've never happened to you so!
29:13dude window kid could sell it again?
29:14Just come into your life.
29:16When you're ascending.
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