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00:00.
00:05Rob and I are back.
00:07It looks a bit like you're my guide.
00:10Throwing ourselves into the biggest challenges.
00:13Check, check, check.
00:15With the help of the world's best.
00:17You threw it out in the office.
00:20Together, we're going on a journey of discovery.
00:23No, no, no.
00:25To find out what we like.
00:27Oh, wow, Rob, that's amazing.
00:29And what we don't.
00:31It's all going to come out.
00:33This week, we're heading to Mumbai.
00:36Relax, relax, relax.
00:38Home to one of the world's biggest film industries, Bollywood.
00:42Action.
00:43We'll be getting help from some of its biggest stars.
00:46Have you ever seen anybody that looks like this in a Bollywood feature?
00:49No.
00:50As we try to earn roles in a blockbuster Bollywood movie.
00:54Hm.
00:55So, here we are, Rob.
00:56Mumbai.
00:57Oh, wow.
00:58It's quite overwhelming, isn't It?
00:59Oh, my God, it's so close.
01:00Oh, I'm really impressed.
01:01Right, relax, relax, relax.
01:02It's my first time in India.
01:03I'd say, um, there's a lot to take in, Rob.
01:07It's overwhelming, isn't it?
01:09Oh my God, they're so close.
01:11Oh, I'm really impressed.
01:13Right, relax, relax, relax.
01:15It's my first time in India.
01:17I'd say there's a lot to take in, Rob.
01:20Yeah. It's an unusual decision to dress as the Empire
01:25when you've done it.
01:27It looks a bit like you're my guide.
01:33You've been here before. Any tips you'd give me to that blending?
01:36I've been here once. Lasting more than once.
01:38Why?
01:40TV work.
01:42Right. Why did you pause?
01:46Also, Rob, I'm a bit worried.
01:48Yeah, go on.
01:49I've had a bit of an upset for stomach.
01:51Since you got here?
01:53No, before I got here.
01:54Did you have, like, a warm-up curry before you came?
01:56No, no, I actually had a cheese and pickle sandwich before I left.
01:59Oh, do you know what?
02:01I could imagine how this went.
02:04Go to India tomorrow.
02:06Can I have the whitest thing in the world?
02:08I did!
02:10Fill me up with bread and dairy, babe.
02:12I'm off to India.
02:14Bollywood.
02:15Yeah.
02:16Ideal scenario is, Rom, to complete this mission we get a part in a Bollywood movie.
02:23That's got to be the aim, yeah?
02:24Yeah.
02:25I know this sounds weird, but I think you've got a better chance of that than I have.
02:29Really?
02:30Because you've got, like, more of a unique look.
02:32I do feel like this is the show I get cancelled on.
02:35Yeah.
02:36Me attempting Bollywood.
02:37The only thing I would say is, like, on TikTok, which is banned over here.
02:41Yeah.
02:42Every time you see, like, a white guy who turns up to an Indian wedding.
02:45Yeah.
02:46And, like, nails the dance or whatever, it goes viral.
02:48Yeah.
02:49Yeah.
02:50I think if you manage to get over doing something cultural, I think, I genuinely, I'm not just
02:55saying this.
02:56I think you could be a megastar over here.
02:58I honestly believe that.
03:02Bollywood is one of the world's biggest film industries.
03:05Famed for its big dance numbers and incredible action sequences.
03:09If we had any chance of making it here, we desperately needed some help.
03:15So we tracked down the perfect person to get us on our way.
03:19A Bollywood star who's gone on to break Hollywood.
03:22Ali Fassau.
03:23From his breakout comedy performance in Bollywood classic, Fukri, to taking on full throttle
03:28blockbuster action in Fast and Furious 7.
03:312.42 mile per hour.
03:33Top speed.
03:34And it's bulletproof.
03:36Ali's range made him the guy to help us on our mission.
03:40We were dropping in on him during a photo shoot to pick his brains on all things Bollywood.
03:45Hi, Rob.
03:46Nice to meet you.
03:47Yes.
03:48You're right.
03:49Oh, you look at this guy.
03:50You look great.
03:51Yeah.
03:52Basically, we're trying to, one, find out about Bollywood as a phenomenon, and two, get a
03:56part in something.
03:57Yeah.
03:58Yeah, genuinely.
03:59And the truth is, have you ever seen anybody that looks like this in a Bollywood feature?
04:03Beyond, like, come on.
04:04No.
04:05No.
04:06What?
04:07What do you mean?
04:08It's unique.
04:09Really?
04:10I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
04:11I mean, no.
04:12Anybody can become an actor, anybody can, like, enter Bollywood.
04:13It's diverse.
04:14So what's the main differences you've done both between Hollywood and Bollywood, would
04:18you say?
04:19What's the big difference?
04:20Well, I mean the economics, I think.
04:22Which one's better?
04:25Which one pays more?
04:26Well, I mean, the English side.
04:27Yeah.
04:28Yeah.
04:29Right.
04:30Seriously?
04:31Especially, like, Bollywood sets, the ones with the songs, 500 dancers.
04:33It gets really crazy on a set, right?
04:35You've got to be really, really, like, zen inside.
04:38So it's going to be overwhelming and hectic, so we've got to try and be as calm as possible.
04:42It can be, especially because you're white, so you're going to be a minority.
04:44Yeah.
04:45But I do like attention.
04:47You know what?
04:48You should be in front of the camera.
04:49Like, step one, I think, would be to just get photos.
04:51Okay.
04:52And we take it from there.
04:53So, Ali was going to help us out and let us use his team to get a portfolio of headshots.
04:58Just like the biggest Bollywood stars, we were getting a lookbook for Ali to send to Mumbai's biggest casting agents.
05:04Part of becoming an actor in any industry is you've got to have a portfolio done so you can go for castings and stuff like that.
05:09Yeah, very nice.
05:10Yeah, yeah.
05:11We like a bit of that.
05:12So good.
05:13I genuinely am quite excited about bringing Rob Beckett to Bollywood.
05:18If we can overcome Rob's inability to dance, his complete inability to connect with any kind of music and also teach him Hindi, I genuinely think this guy could be massive.
05:29But it was clear that Rob had a long way to go.
05:32Wow.
05:33Are you real?
05:35What does wow mean over here?
05:38Luckily for me, Ali had brought along Bollywood costume designer Rick Roy to help style us.
05:44This is Rick.
05:45Hi.
05:46I think, I mean, we need a lot of help.
05:48Yes.
05:49And maybe we can, like, spice things up.
05:50Yes.
05:51So, I think Copverse is really, really big in Bollywood.
05:53Yeah.
05:54Like, every actor who's, like, trying to make it big, they always do a cop film.
05:58Because that's where all the...
05:59Okay, a cop film.
06:00So, Copverse.
06:01I mean, that's what I'm calling it.
06:03Right, okay.
06:04Copverse is one of Bollywood's biggest film franchises.
06:07And this was the first look Rick was about to try on us.
06:10We have options of names, whatever you're, like, kind of feeling it.
06:13Anyone's that say Paul?
06:15Uh, Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:17Rajiv Kumar.
06:18I think I'm more of a Rajiv.
06:19You could be Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:20Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:21I'm more of a Rajiv Kumar Singh to me.
06:23Do you get many sort of white cops from South East London in the Indian police force?
06:27Not really.
06:28No.
06:29Not really.
06:30But I'm not.
06:31I'm an actor and I'm Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:32Yeah.
06:33One important part of the Copverse is to have a moustache only and no beard.
06:38Because cops don't have beard.
06:39Cops don't have beard.
06:40Shave your fuzz and come back with just a moustache because it's very macho to have a moustache.
06:48We were a cutthroat shave away from entering the Copverse.
06:51Yeah, I'm ready.
06:52Yeah, yeah.
06:53Perfect.
06:54And this was already feeling like a bad idea.
06:57You seem quite nervous.
06:58Yeah.
06:59What I'm nervous about is just looking like a Tamil guy from some exotic, erotic movie from
07:05the 70s.
07:06Rob, on the other hand, with a moustache, I predict unacceptable.
07:10The beards were gone in minutes, but we hadn't dared look in the mirror and the moment
07:15of truth arrived.
07:16Right.
07:17You ready?
07:18Three, two, one.
07:19Oh, my God.
07:20Whoa.
07:21Whoa.
07:22Whoa.
07:23Whoa.
07:24Oh, my God.
07:26Why is your cheek so pale?
07:31Are you white?
07:32Rob, I'm not being funny.
07:33I'm not taking any banter from you about how I look.
07:35Well, I...
07:36You genuinely look like you've got something buried under your patio.
07:39I look like a hard man from the 70s in a football team.
07:41You look like a fucking serial killer.
07:43Let's see where you start with the glasses.
07:45That's got a lot worse.
07:47Oh, my God.
07:49I look like a fucking Asian Albert Einstein.
07:52Oh, mine's horrible.
07:57I look like Alpesh Einstein.
07:59It was hard to imagine anyone casting us looking like this, but we were only halfway
08:06there with our cop-verse look.
08:08Here, this is your shirt.
08:11How are you looking, Rob?
08:12I look mental.
08:13These trousers, I look like they've been painted on.
08:17It was a tight fit, but we were finally ready to reveal our outfits.
08:22Let's see the big reveal.
08:26Ta-da!
08:28Fabulous.
08:31Um, what do you think?
08:33I don't know what to say.
08:35Do you think he looks okay?
08:36Because he looks like he needs a copy of Mein Kampf.
08:38He looks like one of the biggest defenders of the Aryan race I've ever seen in my life.
08:48Look, I don't think Rob Beckett is an unattractive man.
08:52He's a good-looking guy.
08:53With a moustache, he looks horrible.
08:56Like, horrible.
08:57Glasses off, do you reckon?
08:58I think glasses off for everyone that sees you.
09:01Fuck!
09:02Let's deal with a moustache, okay?
09:04Some people have a moustache to look handsome and hunky.
09:07Some look camp.
09:09Some look like paedophiles.
09:12I'm a paedophile.
09:13Well, no, I'm not, but I look like I'm the paedophile option.
09:16Despite feeling more like a criminal than a cop,
09:19it was time for us to get in front of the camera
09:21and try to sell ourselves as serious Bollywood actors.
09:24Okay, you've got to be intimidated.
09:26Go on, Rob.
09:27Very nice, sir.
09:28Very good.
09:29Yeah.
09:30Fabulous.
09:31Gangster cop.
09:32Wow, Rob.
09:33That's amazing.
09:34Rob had smashed his photo shoot, and now it was my turn.
09:37But if I was to stand any chance of getting a role in Bollywood,
09:40I was going to have to put aside all the obvious problems
09:43and get into character.
09:44I am Rajef Kumar Singh.
09:47But despite his best efforts, Rob wasn't fooling anyone.
09:52Rob is supposed to be playing Rajiv Kumar Singh.
09:57The camera guy couldn't keep a straight face.
10:01He looks like somebody that moved to Thailand under mysterious circumstances.
10:09With a load of headshots already in the bag,
10:11Rick and Ali had one last look for our portfolios,
10:14the traditional romantic lead.
10:16So it's basically a multi-purpose outfit in Bollywood.
10:20You can do this look for, like, celebrations,
10:22you can do it for weddings.
10:24It's all over.
10:25This is right.
10:26That's it.
10:27I don't think this is okay.
10:28Okay, guys.
10:29Come out.
10:30Let's see what your looks are looking like.
10:35Ooh.
10:36Fabulous.
10:37Yeah.
10:38I love it.
10:39Also.
10:40Yep.
10:41Yep.
10:42Perfect.
10:43I'll be honest with you.
10:45I'm not sure what I've got on is all right.
10:48See, now I just feel like...
10:50Like what?
10:52I don't know.
10:53It just looks strange, doesn't it?
10:55Look, Romesh looks sensational.
10:57The colour they gave him really suits his skin tone.
11:00He looks unbelievable.
11:01Romesh arrives with praise.
11:03I arrive with questions.
11:04Do you know what he looks like?
11:06He looks like he's doing five weeks in Worthing for the panto.
11:10Okay, let's get you in.
11:11So how should we be posing?
11:14Is it like...
11:15Yes.
11:16Could Rob be a romantic lead?
11:18Yes.
11:19If the other character in the relationship was an animal.
11:23Very nice.
11:25There you go.
11:26Have you ever done a white guy before?
11:28Not this fight.
11:30Romantic leads still felt like a long shot for Rob.
11:33But with Rick and Ali's help, we'd managed to complete our portfolios
11:37and we're one step closer to breaking into Bollywood.
11:40Oh, my God.
11:41Yeah, I think the pictures are done.
11:42That's nice.
11:43That's a good one.
11:44And do you think we've got any potential?
11:45I think so.
11:46We'll edit them a little and send them to the producers.
11:47Why don't you focus on acting lessons?
11:48Yeah, we're up for that, aren't we?
11:49Yeah.
11:50That'll help, I think.
11:51All right, well, look, we'll do that.
11:53But seriously, best of luck.
11:54Great, thanks.
11:55Thanks.
11:56All right, we'll be in touch.
11:57Thanks, man.
11:58Thank you very much.
11:59Thank you very much.
12:00Thanks so much.
12:01Rom and I are on a mission to break into Bollywood.
12:04Ta-da!
12:05After learning the tricks of the trade from Bollywood star Ali Fazao.
12:08Oh, my God.
12:09We now looked the part and we were ready to up our game.
12:12Why don't you focus on acting lessons?
12:13Yeah, we're up for that.
12:14We're up for that, aren't we?
12:15Yeah.
12:16That'll help, I think.
12:17All right, well, look, we'll do that.
12:19But seriously, best of luck.
12:20Great, thanks.
12:21Thanks.
12:22All right, we'll be in touch.
12:23Thanks, man.
12:24Thanks so much.
12:25We're ready to up our game.
12:26Why don't you focus on acting lessons?
12:28Yeah, we're up for that, aren't we?
12:29Yeah.
12:30But as we set off from the gateway of India for a spot of sightseeing before school tomorrow,
12:36something was on my mind.
12:38Right, so we've done our photo shoot stuff with the moustache.
12:42Are we keeping this, then, for the rest of the Bollywood adventure?
12:45I think we sort of have to.
12:46Yeah, we can't go back now.
12:47I can't go clean shaven.
12:48All clean shaven, for me, is worse.
12:50For me, same.
12:51I think for the rest of this trip, certainly, we're the Tash Bros.
12:54But I think if I'm super confident, people won't question it.
12:57So it's like, oh, you've got a moustache.
12:59Yeah.
13:00Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do.
13:01That feels quite, like, quite defensive.
13:02Confident.
13:03Not confident.
13:04Sexy.
13:05Powerful.
13:06No, it feels like you've got a chip on your shoulder about it.
13:07Okay, we've just met each other.
13:08Put your hand there.
13:09Rob, nice to meet you.
13:10Hey, man.
13:11Oh, you've got a Tash too?
13:12Yeah, I have, yeah.
13:13I like it.
13:14Okay, yeah, I like yours as well.
13:15Thanks.
13:16I don't like that.
13:17No?
13:18No.
13:19Why not?
13:20How about this?
13:21Oh, you're a sex offender as well?
13:24To kick-start our acting ambitions, the next day, we headed into one of India's top drama
13:33schools, Actor Prepares Academy in Mumbai, founded by Bollywood icon Anupam Ker.
13:40With a career spanning over four decades,
13:42in acclaimed roles ranging from Bollywood dad in Dilwalia Dulhania Lajiange...
13:46I am proud of you, my son.
13:48...to therapy guru in the Oscar-winning Silver Linings playbook,
13:52Anupam's an absolute giant of world cinema.
13:55Hello.
13:56Hi, hi.
13:57And with his school's track record of producing some of India's finest actors,
14:01it was the perfect place to help us on our Bollywood journey.
14:06So when did you start the academy?
14:07About 20 years back.
14:09Our tagline is, we bring out the actor in you.
14:12Well, that's one of the problems that we've got, I think,
14:14if I can speak on behalf of both of us.
14:16We're quite inhibited.
14:18Musical-wise, that's probably our biggest obstacle.
14:21Yeah, that's gonna...
14:21We don't really...
14:22Obstacle?
14:22Obstacle, yeah.
14:23I can't dance.
14:24Okay.
14:25You can't dance?
14:25No.
14:26You've done 500 films?
14:27Yeah, I have danced.
14:28So I go speak to the choreographer and I say,
14:31either the camera should be on my feet or on my face.
14:35Never at the same time?
14:36Never in the body.
14:37So it will be face will be doing...
14:39And the feet will be doing the same.
14:41But together, it will be so difficult.
14:44So as long as you get one?
14:45Yeah.
14:46Yeah, that makes sense.
14:47That is a great tip.
14:48That is a great tip.
14:49That's brilliant.
14:50I think the moment you do not worry about making a fool of yourself, you can act.
14:56Yeah.
14:56Okay.
14:57Especially in today's time, you do not want to be a fool.
14:59So you do a balanced acting where you do not look stupid and you cannot act brilliantly.
15:05Right.
15:05So you are competent.
15:06And I think competence is the biggest enemy of brilliance.
15:09Oh, yes, I love this.
15:11This is so good.
15:12What about us?
15:13Because obviously...
15:14Do you think our faces are assets?
15:15I think you look very good for a lot of roles.
15:17Even me?
15:18Because obviously, Bollywood...
15:20I would like to say, yeah.
15:21Yeah.
15:22Really?
15:22So, yeah.
15:23You can be a curious man who is always curious to find out.
15:28So a curious man...
15:29A man who will hide behind a tree and sort of will check out people.
15:31Like a pervert.
15:32Sorry?
15:33Like a pervert.
15:33Sort of like a pervert.
15:34Yeah.
15:34We can train you.
15:36In five minutes, I can make you feel that you can act.
15:39Really?
15:39Yeah.
15:40Well, listen, we are open to learning.
15:42And just be free and go for it and have no fear.
15:45Is that right?
15:46I think you should be ready to make it fool of yourself.
15:49You can become a good actor.
15:50Okay, okay.
15:52So, to help us loosen up and lose our inhibitions,
15:56Anupam was teaming us up with his senior acting coach, Paresh Parekh.
15:59Let's go.
16:00Yeah.
16:01So, let's...
16:02Let's begin with the first lesson of the day.
16:07It's voice work.
16:08Okay.
16:09Voice work, ready?
16:10So, just talk about something.
16:13Um...
16:14Have you spoken to Lisa and the kids?
16:16Yeah.
16:17Theo's not very happy with the moustache.
16:20You sort of said you haven't really done that to your face.
16:21Okay, fine.
16:22So, can you raise the volume, please?
16:25Yeah, of course.
16:26What's his problem?
16:28I don't know.
16:28I just feel like he finds it embarrassing.
16:30You know, like, I posted up on Instagram, and now all of his mates are going,
16:33Your dad looks like a nonce.
16:35It's just a bit of an embarrassing, horrible situation.
16:37Okay.
16:37Yeah.
16:37So, now can you raise the pitch?
16:39Yeah, sure.
16:40And so, basically, it's a situation where he sort of finds it difficult because the opinion of his friend is important.
16:47Fine.
16:47So, can you try this?
16:48Do you think the voice is ever going to help with the moustache when he sees this back and all his friends goes,
16:56Your dad looks like a pervert, but also sounds like a child.
16:59Okay.
17:00I think he'll think that the other person looks much more like a sex offender than he does.
17:04I don't think his voice is helping anyone.
17:06Fine.
17:07Now you're using the false tone of the voice.
17:11I think one of the things that holds me back is inhibition, is sort of embarrassment.
17:19I think Rob has got that less.
17:21Rob has got sort of a self-confidence and a self-belief that, in my opinion, exceeds his talent.
17:29I've still got a lot of hope that I am sort of sitting on the great white rhino of Bollywood,
17:33and I think that today, if he shows something about himself, I don't have to do this anymore.
17:39I just become Rob's manager, and they call him, I don't know, Ghost, or something like that.
17:45And he becomes the biggest thing in the Indian film industry.
17:49That's the big hope.
17:50That's the big white hope.
17:52Paresh had one last exercise to help us lose our inhibitions,
17:56and worryingly, it involved role play and a camcorder.
17:59Okay, let's go to the second exercise.
18:03Okay.
18:04There's a situation, and you are in bus.
18:07You both are passengers.
18:09Yeah.
18:09You are standing, and you are singing a song.
18:14Okay.
18:15And suddenly, he bumps to you, because driver suddenly breaks, and you get pissed off.
18:21Okay.
18:22And he says, what can I do when driver is doing this?
18:26Yeah.
18:27Again, you start singing.
18:29Yeah.
18:29And this time, the bumping person is in the opposite direction, someone new,
18:34and you are really pissed off.
18:36And now, you are shouting at that person.
18:38Yeah.
18:39That person turns out to be a girl.
18:42Right.
18:43And you suddenly smile.
18:44Okay.
18:45It's okay.
18:46Now, you are pissed off.
18:48That I bump to you, you have shouted at me.
18:51And that's a girl.
18:52Yeah.
18:52You're smiling.
18:53Yeah.
18:54Prick.
18:54You have to act this in gibberish.
18:57In gibberish?
18:58In gibberish?
18:59Gibberish.
19:00Okay.
19:07Everything in gibberish.
19:09Okay.
19:09You can't a single English word.
19:12Okay.
19:12You both are standing, and one, two, three, go.
19:18Saludalala.
19:20La, la, la, la, la, la, la.
19:22La, la, la.
19:23La, la, la.
19:26Will you talk to me?
19:29Let me say it.
19:30I don't believe it.
19:33No.
19:35Will you jump?
19:36Okay.
19:37Yeah.
19:40ćé”ććć¾ć.
19:44Nein.
19:45No.
19:45No.
19:47No, no.
19:49Suhluhula?
19:50Suhluhula?
19:51Some move.
19:55Suhluhula.
19:57Suhluhula.
19:59Suhluhula?
20:00He taught me.
20:02Oh, I just had this.
20:04Ah, you didn't even know.
20:08I saw the same before.
20:10Suhla.
20:12Suhluhula?
20:15That's a good one.
20:20That's a good one.
20:27So, let's see the result.
20:31It turns out, Paresh was filming us
20:37so we could watch back and study our performances.
20:40But all I could focus on was how we looked.
20:43Why did he show it back?
20:44Why did you do that?
20:46I do not want to watch a video of me inside profile
20:49when the old gobble-gobble toad face comes out
20:53and watch me and Romesh talk gibberish.
20:56I'm half-decent straight on to the side.
20:58Fucking toad boy.
21:00Fuck me.
21:01It was horrible.
21:02Our profiles are disgusting.
21:05I didn't know what a beard was for.
21:07Now I know it's to hide that.
21:09As for the gibberish thing, there's two possible options.
21:12Option number one, it's a useful exercise in being able to act without using any words.
21:17And the other interpretation is that Paresh has some sort of fetish.
21:20It's very niche fantasy, but Paresh was incredibly specific.
21:23He filmed it.
21:24I don't know what he's going to do with that.
21:25He's now left with that footage.
21:27Anna Pam's inhibition course had been an eye-opener, but we'd passed, and we had the T-shirts to prove it.
21:36I actually felt like we learned some stuff today.
21:39I think there's something that was said today that I'll keep with me for the rest of my life,
21:43which is competence is the enemy of brilliance.
21:45Yes.
21:46I like that.
21:47I like Paresh a lot.
21:48And sometimes he'd go,
21:50out of nowhere.
21:52Yeah.
21:52And I don't know what that meant.
21:54Yeah.
21:54And I just did it back at him.
21:56Yeah.
21:57Is that the right thing to do?
21:58No, yeah, I think so.
21:59I mean, I don't know.
21:59I don't know what you're asking.
22:00You're not Indian, are you?
22:01No.
22:02That's the problem.
22:02That's something I keep forgetting.
22:03What series are we?
22:06Also, he said I look like a pervert, but we got it.
22:08Anna Pam.
22:09I know.
22:09He should be pretty different.
22:10You look like a curious man behind a tree.
22:11Oh, thanks, Anna Pam.
22:13Anna Pam?
22:14Anna Pam.
22:14Oh, God.
22:15Here we go.
22:16And he's cancelled.
22:17Clip it up.
22:18Put it in the trailer.
22:19You can't have to be, Anna Pam.
22:21It's just written on me fucking chest.
22:28We were in India hoping to land roles as Bollywood stars.
22:32We'd met Indian movie legend Anna Pam,
22:34who'd helped us lose our acting inhibition.
22:36Saleloo.
22:39Now all we needed was a film to star in.
22:41And I just had some huge news.
22:43So, Robert.
22:44Yeah?
22:45Um, what did I say was, like, the big thing about us coming here?
22:48Obviously, learn about Bollywood, but the ultimate dream beyond all dreams.
22:52Being Bollywood?
22:53Being Bollywood.
22:54Being a film?
22:54Yeah.
22:55Got a text from Ali's team.
22:57Yeah?
22:57We've got a part in a Bollywood movie.
23:01Have we?
23:02Yes.
23:02Right, okay.
23:04The film is a sequel to the successful movie Rishto Kabatwara, which I remember you talking
23:08about a lot.
23:08You liked a division of relations.
23:09Yeah, big fan of that.
23:09Got the box set.
23:10It's a drama.
23:11It's not a box set.
23:12It's a film.
23:12Yeah.
23:12You don't have a box set of a film.
23:13Got a deep Blu-ray.
23:15Rob and Romesh will be playing the role of visitors travelling from a foreign country.
23:18Join Ian in one of the songs in the film.
23:21The song will have the hero and heroine involved, as well as about 20 dancers.
23:25Right, okay.
23:26Finally, and this is the bit I think you're going to be very excited about, Rob will have
23:30a line in Hindi.
23:32Whoa.
23:34What?
23:35Let me look at that.
23:39Is this allowed?
23:43I don't know.
23:44We'll find out in the edit.
23:45Go on.
23:50Which means, why are you fighting?
23:51I'm going to have to speak to someone who can speak Hindi to find out how to say it.
23:54Rob, 100%.
23:56That has to, I can't just go on and re-freestyle that.
23:58But listen, we're in Bollywood, baby.
24:00We're in Bollywood?
24:01No, as in we're going to be in a Bollywood film.
24:03Oh, right, yeah.
24:03Sorry.
24:04Yeah.
24:04This isn't Bollywood.
24:05Now we're in Mumbai.
24:07Right, okay.
24:07But where is Bollywood then, actually?
24:09Is there a sign?
24:11There probably is, actually.
24:11Right, okay.
24:12I'm not saying it, though.
24:13Actually, in hindsight, probably we should have done that.
24:15I'm quite stressed now.
24:16Don't get stressed.
24:17Easy for Rom to say he wasn't the one delivering lines in Hindi in a Bollywood movie, especially because
24:23Ali had warned me what I was in for.
24:25It gets really crazy on a set, right?
24:26Especially, like, Bollywood sets.
24:28You've got to be really, really, like, zen inside.
24:32Right now, zen felt miles off.
24:35Rom was buzzing about our Bollywood debut, but I was going to bed worrying I'd be getting cancelled mid-scene.
24:40The next day, on Ali's advice, we were travelling east of Mumbai into the countryside on a mission to find some inner peace.
24:53We were heading to an Ayurveda spa to relax.
24:57Ayurveda is a traditional Indian system of medicine focused on balance and well-being.
25:02Bollywood swears by it.
25:04Stars like Amitabh Bachchan have promoted books on it.
25:06And Rohit Roy has raved about it on social media.
25:10So if it worked for them, it could get Beckett in the right frame of mind for his performance tomorrow.
25:15Rob's sort of pranging out a little bit about it, as he should do, because he wouldn't be prepared to be in a movie if it was in English.
25:22Is there a strong argument that we should spend today doing some acting lessons and learning rudimentary Hindi?
25:27Absolutely.
25:28But that's not what we're doing.
25:29We're coming here to get, like, really very zen.
25:31And rather than Rob learning the Hindi, he will become Hindi.
25:38We'd gone for the Ayurvedic taster menu.
25:41And based on the welcome, it wasn't going to be your average spa day.
25:50This is what you've got to wear.
25:52For massage?
25:53Yeah.
25:53Can I put it around my waist?
25:54Our first treatments were Ayurvedic massages, in traditional Ayurvedic dress.
26:03If you undid a loo roll completely and attached a string to it, that's what we've got to wear.
26:13And then I assume, after you've finished the treatments, you burn that immediately.
26:17What's going on there?
26:18What?
26:19Well, I've got three of them on.
26:21They put three in the room.
26:22What's up, please?
26:26Romesh looked like a giant baby because he'd made a special loincloth out of his loincloth.
26:31Absolutely horrendous.
26:34I was having a treatment called Piri Chill.
26:36Basically, warm oil poured all over me.
26:39Rob was getting a massage called Kishiradara, which involved milk.
26:44Oh, it's going cold.
26:48I feel like I'm watching your OnlyFans.
26:50I feel like you're milk dribbling out of your mouth.
27:06Having milk poured all over you.
27:08Sorry.
27:09He's going to be finding, like, cottage cheese in his crack.
27:12This couldn't look worse.
27:14I'm just going to smell like an edam.
27:20What it looked like was Rob's dick had been murdered
27:23and they put a shroud over it for its decency.
27:25Is that nice, like a massive?
27:27Yeah. It's good.
27:34My skin cannot be more oil.
27:38I'm ready to go in the fucking air fryer.
27:40I was feeling a little more zen after the milk massage,
27:45but with ropes involved in our next treatment,
27:48things are about to get a lot more intense.
27:50Hello.
27:51Hello, namaste. Nice to meet you.
27:53Nice to meet you.
27:54I'm Prabhat.
27:55Nice to meet you, I'm Prabhat.
27:56Nice to meet you, Prabhat.
27:57Please.
27:58You walk into a room that looks like it's somewhere
28:00where they'd extract sort of secrets from you.
28:02The rope coming from the ceiling.
28:04You think this might be the last room I ever walk into?
28:06You have to lie down, face down, OK?
28:09OK, prone, prone.
28:11I will put you in position.
28:13Prabhat's a master in the art of Chavuti Turumal,
28:16an Ayurvedic technique that means foot pressure.
28:19Full body, deep tissue, all done with the feet.
28:22Basically, Beckett was about to get trampled.
28:25I'm a big fan of Prabhat, but he is using his feet,
28:29and I'm firmly of the belief that feet should not be seen.
28:33They're certainly not for applying oil and rubbing you up
28:36and down your body.
28:39Oh, that felt...
28:40Your Achilles tendon went between his toes, then.
28:43Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:44It felt like the tendon was a credit card,
28:46and his toes was a machine.
28:48I think you might use your ass-crackers chip and pin in a minute.
28:51Oh!
28:52Sphinx position, please.
28:54Sphinx?
28:55Yeah.
28:56Oh, there you have.
28:57I'd say that's probably the worst way my body could look.
29:00Yes.
29:01There we go.
29:03My little Womble tits hanging down.
29:05Oh, the tits!
29:07These tits!
29:12Oh, my gosh.
29:13He's using it like a ski slope.
29:15He's doing slalom on the bottom of your back.
29:18Face up, please.
29:21I'll take them down there.
29:22I've seen absolutely everything in profile.
29:26Have you ever looked up at the sun for a second,
29:27and you look away, and that image is still in your eye?
29:30That's what it was like with Rob's dick and balls.
29:37Oh, no.
29:39Okay.
29:40No way.
29:41Good dick, no.
29:43No.
29:48Here we go.
29:49What do you think is going to happen now?
29:51Okay.
29:52Right.
29:53Fuck it.
29:54Fuck it.
29:55Oh, my God.
29:56Kill it.
30:02Oh, my God.
30:03It's like a new creep on it.
30:05I've never even felt like this before.
30:12Sorry, what the fuck is going on?
30:16Oh, my God.
30:17Oh, my God.
30:18Are you joking?
30:22He went like that.
30:23Sort of tweaking his nose with his foot.
30:26It's his foot.
30:27Okay.
30:28That's it.
30:30Thank you very much.
30:31Now, Rob, be careful now.
30:32Rob, be...
30:33Oh, fuck it.
30:34Or don't.
30:36I was up.
30:37Please lay down.
30:38I'd love to, yeah.
30:39And my foot aversion was about to be put to the test.
30:42I don't want to do this.
30:43It's good to finally get some oil on my skin.
30:48Had about three to four minutes where I wasn't completely oiled up from top to bottom, so that's good.
30:52And it didn't take long for Prabhat to turn me into a human doormat.
30:55It'd be good for your marathon training.
30:57You're supposed to get time on feet, not time under feet.
31:00Whacka, whacka!
31:04And as Prabhat hit me with a sphinx, and then the ski slope, it was only a match of time before the inevitable happened.
31:12Here we go.
31:13Okay.
31:14Welcome to the Thunderdome.
31:15Oh, no.
31:16Oh.
31:27What is happening?
31:31Here it comes.
31:36Close your eyes, please.
31:37Okay, yeah.
31:38Gladly.
31:39Why are you laughing, Prabhat?
31:41Don't forget his nose, Prabhat.
31:47Oh, my God, Prabhat!
31:51Buy me a drink first, Prabhat.
31:55Okay, sir.
31:57Thank you so much.
31:58That was lovely.
32:00Very lovely.
32:06Thank you so much, Prabhat.
32:08Oh.
32:11The shoulder you are!
32:14You look like a fucking gatto.
32:16Having Prabhat put his foot on my face felt like the natural end to our Ayurvedic journey.
32:21But we still had one more treatment to go.
32:24Shiro basti.
32:25basti. It involved dough, a hat and more oil. This is what a pastry turban. It's just never
32:31felt so helpless. I just don't know what I am anymore. I'll tell you about to be a pie. The
32:35paste was a mystery until the hats went on. It was there to seal them to our heads so they could
32:42pour in the oil. It's good actually. It's been about seven or eight minutes since I've had some
32:46oil applied. We'd been thoroughly oiled and told to sit back, relax and enjoy the feeling.
32:53I started in a position that means the only way this stays straight up is if I look at
32:59your crotch. Have a good look. Please, Rob, don't. Rob, don't. Do you like it? I'm feeling
33:13de-stressed. All I can see, I can't, this angle's terrible. You're going to sleep well tonight.
33:18Shall we close it back up? Please. You know what I think would have been a good treatment?
33:24A lesson in Hindi. I don't know if that's right or not. It had been a mixed day, part relaxing,
33:33part traumatic. Robert barely practised for his role tomorrow, but we ticked Ayurveda off
33:38the Bollywood to-do list. All that was left now was to become Bollywood stars.
33:50We're in India taking on Bollywood. Thanks to our mentor Ali Fazal, we'd somehow ended up
33:55in a film, and unbelievably, Rob had been given a line in Hindi.
34:00Is this allowed? Today, we were heading north from Mumbai to the film's location, a set called Focus City.
34:12If you'd have said to me at the beginning of this whole thing, at the end of the week, you are going to be
34:16playing a tourist at Focus City in a Bollywood film, I would say, what is Focus City? But here we are.
34:23We're in a Bollywood film. It's a hell of a day, Mum. We were here to star in the sequel of Rishtoka Batwara 2,
34:31which translates as Division of Relationships. The first film was a big hit, a family drama
34:40packed with dance numbers. So with Bollywood fans already on board, expectations were high.
34:45This film is a sequel to a film that on YouTube has got 13 million views, right?
34:57So this is not Rob Beckett's Smart TV, right? Lots of people actually watch this.
35:02First up, we were meeting the film's producer, Mr Shah.
35:06Yeah, hi. Good morning. So he could talk us through the scene.
35:09It's a song sequence in which a hero and a heroine is having a very sweet fight.
35:17Sweet fight, yeah.
35:18Where the heroine says to the hero, you bring me the jumkha. That is the earring.
35:24The big one. Then only I will allow you to kiss on my chick.
35:29Oh!
35:30So you are watching all this, why these people are fighting?
35:34There is one guy who is selling earrings.
35:36Yeah.
35:37You get that earring.
35:38Yeah.
35:39You go to the heroine.
35:40And then you have to explain it in one line in Hindi.
35:43Yes, yes.
35:44Like...
35:45Go on, he's doing the line. He's got this.
35:48Only a little word in Hindi.
35:50All right, great.
35:51And you can take part when the song is going on.
35:53You can just do whatever kind.
35:55Okay, great.
35:56You met my director?
35:57No.
35:58No, not yet.
35:59Katie ji?
36:00Hi.
36:01Rob, nice to meet you.
36:03Yeah.
36:04Hello.
36:05He's Rob and he's Robin.
36:06Nice to meet you.
36:07Your heart is true.
36:08It's hot, isn't it?
36:09Yeah.
36:10So he's my director?
36:11Yeah.
36:12He told you what you were supposed to do.
36:13Yeah.
36:14Perfect.
36:15Brilliant.
36:16Thank you so much.
36:18Looking around, the production was big and the thought of Rob dancing and trying to speak
36:23Hindi in front of everyone was too good to be true.
36:26I can't wait.
36:27I'm absolutely buzzing.
36:28I feel like it's my birthday.
36:31While Ron was chilling with his coffee, I'd hit the Google Translate panic bar.
36:35Here we go.
36:36Why are you doing this?
36:38Oh, fuck's sake.
36:39I feel like Don King.
36:40I've brought my...
36:41I've brought my prize fighter to Focus City to be in a film.
36:46You want to speak Hindi?
36:47Yeah.
36:48Hell yeah, he speaks Hindi.
36:49Kyu.
36:50Kyu.
36:51Kyu.
36:52Kyu.
36:53Kyu.
36:54Chakra.
36:55Chakra.
36:56Kyu.
36:57Chakra.
36:58He'll speak as much Hindi as you want.
37:00Rob, speak some goddamn Hindi, boy.
37:02Kyu.
37:03Kyu.
37:04Khar.
37:05Rahe.
37:06Ho.
37:07I'd said my line so many times, I didn't know if it was right anymore.
37:12Kyu.
37:13Kyu.
37:14Kyu.
37:15Kyu.
37:16Kyu.
37:17But with the cast and crew gearing up and filming about to start, we got the call to costume.
37:19And once we put on our tourist outfits, the line felt like the least of my worries.
37:23So, what do you think?
37:25We planned again?
37:2612th?
37:27Yeah, some sort of tourist.
37:28I've got a guess what type.
37:31The through-line of me being a pervert in this show is not stopping, is it?
37:35No. I think you'd suit the look.
37:38I mean, I think the socks and sandals are doing most of the heavy lifting.
37:41What I want to know is, what are us two on holiday doing?
37:48Well, now that's the question, isn't it?
37:51Yeah, we just go, yeah, we're on a little trip.
37:54We go to India, Cambodia, Thailand.
37:56Have a little look about. Yeah.
37:59Feel more welcome over here than the new back at home.
38:03All right, come on, shall we go do it?
38:08We had three scenes to shoot that made up one big dance number,
38:11but we were still trying to get our heads around the story.
38:14It's a very confusing narrative. We're two tourists.
38:18Let's not get into specifics of what we're doing, how we've come together,
38:22why we're wearing what we're wearing.
38:23All of that, I think, makes it a much darker project.
38:27First, we had to watch the loved-up couple have a barney over a pair of earrings
38:31while we stared through a window like a pair of creeps.
38:34Luckily, KD was on hand to guide us through it.
38:37I'll tell you. Look at each other.
38:39OK. Then you'll come and look. What's going on?
38:41I'm a big fan of KD. He looks like Sherman Klump the later years.
38:45Ready? Ready? I'll be here.
38:47OK. You tell me when.
38:49I'll say go.
38:50I love the fact that he's very nice to us,
38:52but then shouts at anyone, Brown, that works on the show.
38:54Eugene, come on, come on, Eugene!
38:56Hey!
38:57Come on!
38:59So then you, um, you do this and then you come on.
39:01Come on!
39:03Take.
39:04Take. I'll tell you.
39:05Go! And then look at each other.
39:07Yeah.
39:07Then start dancing.
39:09OK.
39:10Look at each other.
39:11Look at each other.
39:13Wow!
39:13Yeah, that!
39:14More on your head, yeah.
39:16The way our little head pop out,
39:18I don't know if this is a massive stitch-up.
39:20Because at the moment, what it feels like is,
39:21this is the most mental thing I've ever done.
39:24Oh, of course!
39:25Is that OK?
39:26You got tired.
39:28Yeah, I did get tired.
39:29That was longer, wasn't it?
39:31Nah.
39:32Nah.
39:33Cool.
39:34In the next part of the scene,
39:35our characters were joined by a bloke in a scarf
39:38who was selling earrings, Jumka,
39:39that we were going to buy to please the leading lady.
39:42And unfortunately for us,
39:43this meant the start of our big dance sequence.
39:46So we were shown the classic Bollywood dance move,
39:49the Thumka.
39:51Yeah, we're going to dance.
39:53And once Kate did dance,
39:54we were going to dance.
39:56We were going to dance.
39:57We were going to dance.
39:58We were going to dance.
39:59We were going to dance.
40:00We were going to dance.
40:01We were going to dance.
40:02We were going to dance.
40:03And once KD was happy,
40:05we were ready to go for a take.
40:07Roll!
40:07Ah, girl!
40:10What the hell's going on?
40:11What's going on?
40:12Oh, Jumka, Jumka!
40:15Ah, Jumka!
40:21And once we'd started...
40:23Jumka!
40:24..it didn't stop.
40:27Fucking hell, how long's this going for?
40:31Just how long is this Jumka tune?
40:33I dance more today for those scenes
40:37than I have done at every Asian wedding I've ever been to added together.
40:41OK!
40:42OK!
40:43Thank God!
40:44All good?
40:45All good?
40:46All good.
40:46Thankfully, the dancing was done.
40:48But that meant it was time for Rob's line.
40:50And he wasn't looking good.
40:51I'm absolutely exhausted already, and it's happened, Jet.
40:54It's 39 degrees.
40:55The geyser said to me, this is an Indian heat wave.
40:58I can't handle a British heat wave.
40:59I was melted in the heat, and KD was pressuring me to rehearse.
41:03What's the dialogue?
41:06What are you doing?
41:07What is your name?
41:09Why are you doing so?
41:09Very much.
41:10What, what is your name?
41:11I've got no idea what the line is anymore.
41:15What's your name?
41:16Jackra.
41:17Jackra.
41:17Jackra.
41:19Every single Indian actor, or producer, or director that comes up to me
41:23has a different accent and pronounce it in a different way I think it's actually
41:37you know like in the UK people have got different accents so it's like I feel
41:40like an Italian player that's signed for Liverpool I've learned English Devon's
41:44a scouser Rob was all over the place here in the line pronounced 20 different
41:49ways had scrambled his brain now we had to deliver in Hindi in front of the entire
42:09cast and crew and eventually millions of Bollywood fans but if he nailed it he'd be
42:17a bonafide Bollywood movie star ready no action here's our big Bollywood moment
42:27in Rishto Kabatwara too
42:29Oh
42:31Oh
42:32Oh
42:34Oh
42:36Oh
42:38Oh
42:40Oh
42:42Oh
42:44Oh
42:46Oh
42:47Oh
42:49Oh
42:50Oh
42:52Oh
42:55Oh
42:57Oh
42:59Oh
43:06Oh
43:14Q under cracker a hero yellow
43:28Okay, it's done got it one time. Oh, yeah
43:33I'm quite excited. I did it in one take which is a bit of a lot
43:37You know everyone I'm a one-time wonder
43:42But I do think it had something to do with lunch
43:46Because they were like right down lunch
43:50First class body about buddy. Yeah, thank you our Bollywood adventure was complete
43:55We'd acted danced being oiled and somehow survived it Robert nailed his line first time
44:01Which honestly I never thought would happen, but cometh the hour cometh the great white rhino
44:07Do you know what Rob? I think you've done well here
44:10Yeah, I think you've done particularly well we had a mission objective yeah for this episode we've done it
44:16Well delivered a line of Hindi dialogue in a film that you hate music and dancing you danced for ages
44:22I enjoyed it. You'd let go of your inhibitions
44:24I don't know if the foot massage helped in future if I'm trying to learn Hindi
44:28I don't think I need to lay naked face down another man walk on me. No
44:32Never mind on camera. I'll do that my spare time
44:34Huh Junker
44:39No, no, no you were great though. Do you know I think we should do go set head off
44:44Go and find KD see if we can be in part three get some of the backstory for these two perverts maybe left out
44:51Jim occur in London. I'm so sweaty. It's your ass wet
44:54We can't close the episode like that. I'm not opening it with it. Come on this guy. Junker
45:05Come on
45:24I'm
45:26I'm
45:28I
45:30I
45:32I
45:34I
45:36I
45:38I
45:40I
45:42I
45:44I
45:46I
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