- 7 weeks ago
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00:00The following programme contains strong language and adult humour.
00:10Rob and I are back.
00:12It looks a bit like you're my guide.
00:15Throwing ourselves into the biggest challenges.
00:18Check, check, check.
00:20With the help of the world's best.
00:22I used to do it at home in the office.
00:25Together we're going on a journey of discovery.
00:28No, no, no.
00:30To find out what we like.
00:32Oh wow, Rob, that's amazing.
00:34And what we don't.
00:35This film's like it's all going to come out.
00:38This week, we're heading to Mumbai.
00:41Right, relax, relax, relax.
00:43Home to one of the world's biggest film industries, Bollywood.
00:47Action.
00:48We'll be getting help from some of its biggest stars.
00:51Have you ever seen anybody that looks like this in a Bollywood feature?
00:54No.
00:55We try to earn roles in a blockbuster Bollywood movie.
01:07So here we are, Rob.
01:09Mumbai.
01:10Oh, wow.
01:11It's quite overwhelming, isn't it?
01:13Oh my God, it's so close.
01:15Oh, I'm really impressed.
01:17Right, relax, relax, relax.
01:19It's my first time in India.
01:21I'd say there's a lot to take in, Rob.
01:24Yeah.
01:25It's an unusual decision to dress as the Empire when you've done it.
01:31It looks a bit like you're my guide.
01:37You've been here before.
01:38Any tips you'd give me to love blending?
01:40I've been here once.
01:41It lasted more than once.
01:43Why?
01:46TV work.
01:47Right.
01:48Why did you pause?
01:52Also, Rob, I'm a bit worried.
01:53Yeah, go on.
01:54I've had a bit of an upset for stomach.
01:56Since you got here?
01:57No, before I got here.
01:58Did you have, like, a warm-up curry before you came?
02:00No, no.
02:01I actually had a cheese and pickle sandwich before I left.
02:04Do you know what?
02:07I could imagine how this went.
02:08Lou, go to India tomorrow.
02:10Can you...
02:11Can I have the whitest thing in the world?
02:13I did.
02:14Fill me up with bread and dairy, babe.
02:17I'm off to India.
02:23Bollywood.
02:24Yeah.
02:25Ideal scenario is, Rom,
02:26to complete this mission we get a part in a Bollywood movie.
02:28That's got to be the aim, yeah?
02:29Yeah.
02:30I know this sounds weird,
02:31but I think you've got a better chance of that than I have.
02:35Really?
02:36Because you've got, like, more of a unique look.
02:38I do feel like this is the show I get cancelled on.
02:40Yeah.
02:41Me attempting Bollywood.
02:42The only thing I would say is, like, on TikTok,
02:45which is banned over here.
02:46Yeah.
02:47Every time you see, like, a white guy who turns up to an Indian wedding.
02:50Yeah.
02:51And, like, nails a dance or whatever.
02:52It goes viral.
02:53Yes.
02:54Yeah.
02:55I think if you manage to get over doing something cultural,
02:57I think...
02:58I genuinely...
02:59I'm not just saying this.
03:00Yeah.
03:01I think you could be a megastar over here.
03:03I honestly believe that.
03:07Bollywood is one of the world's biggest film industries.
03:09Fame for its big dance numbers and incredible action sequences.
03:14If we had any chance of making it here,
03:16we desperately needed some help.
03:20So we tracked down the perfect person to get us on our way.
03:23A Bollywood star who's gone on to break Hollywood.
03:26Ali Faisal.
03:27From his breakout comedy performance in Bollywood classic, Fukri,
03:31to taking on full-throttle blockbuster action in Fast & Furious 7.
03:36240 miles per hour, top speed.
03:39And it's bulletproof.
03:41Ali's range made him the guy to help us on our mission.
03:45We were dropping in on him during a photo shoot
03:47to pick his brains on all things Bollywood.
03:50Hi, Rob. Nice to meet you.
03:51Hi, yes.
03:52Hi, Ash. How's it going? You all right?
03:53Oh, you look at this guy. You look great.
03:56Basically, we're trying to, one, find out about Bollywood as a phenomenon,
04:00and two, get a part in something.
04:02Yeah. Yeah, genuinely.
04:04And the truth is,
04:06have you ever seen anybody that looks like this in a Bollywood feature?
04:08Beyond, like, come on. No. No.
04:10What? What do you mean? It's unique.
04:12Really? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
04:14I mean, no. Anybody can become an actor.
04:16Anybody can, like, enter Bollywood. It's diverse.
04:18So what's the main differences you've done both between Hollywood and Bollywood, would you say?
04:22What's the big difference?
04:24Well, I mean, the economics, I think.
04:28Which one's better? Which one pays more?
04:31Well, I mean, the English side.
04:32Yeah. Yeah. Right.
04:33Seriously?
04:34Especially, like, Bollywood sets, the ones with the songs, 500 dancers.
04:37It gets really crazy on a set, right?
04:39You've got to be really, really, like, zen inside.
04:43So it's going to be overwhelming and hectic, so we've got to try and be...
04:46It can be, especially because you're white, so you're going to be a minority.
04:49Yeah. But I do like attention.
04:52You know what? You should be in front of the camera.
04:54Like, step one, I think, would be to just get photos.
04:56Okay.
04:57And we take it from there.
04:58So, Ali was going to help us out and let us use his team to get a portfolio of headshots.
05:03Just like the biggest Bollywood stars, we were getting a lookbook for Ali to send to Mumbai's biggest casting agents.
05:09Part of becoming an actor in any industry is you've got to have a portfolio done so you can go for castings and stuff like that.
05:14Yeah, very nice.
05:15Yeah, yeah, we like a bit of that.
05:17We're good.
05:18I genuinely am quite excited about bringing Rob Beckett to Bollywood.
05:23If we can overcome Rob's inability to dance, his complete inability to connect with any kind of music and also teach him Hindi,
05:31I genuinely think this guy could be massive.
05:34But it was clear that Rob had a long way to go.
05:37Wow.
05:39Are you real?
05:41What does wow mean over here?
05:43Luckily for me, Ali had brought along Bollywood costume designer Rick Roy to help style us.
05:49This is Rick.
05:50Hi.
05:51I think, I mean, we need a lot of help.
05:52Yes.
05:53And maybe we can, like, spice things up.
05:54Yes.
05:55So, I think Copverse is really, really big in Bollywood.
05:58Like, every actor who is, like, trying to make it big, they always do a cop film.
06:03Because that's where all the...
06:04Okay, a cop film.
06:05So, Copverse.
06:06I mean, that's what I'm calling it.
06:07Right, okay.
06:09Copverse is one of Bollywood's biggest film franchises.
06:12And this was the first look Rick was about to try on us.
06:15We have options of names, whatever you're, like, kind of feeling it.
06:18Anyone's that say Paul?
06:19Uh, Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:20Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:21Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:22I think I'm more of a Rajiv.
06:23It could be Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:24Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:25I'm more of a Rajiv Kumar Singh, do you?
06:27Do you get many sort of white cops from South East London in the Indian police force?
06:31Oh, not really.
06:32No.
06:33No.
06:34But I'm not.
06:35I'm an actor and I'm Rajiv Kumar Singh.
06:36Yeah.
06:37One important part of the copverse is to have a moustache only and no beard.
06:42Because cops don't have beard.
06:44You don't shave your fuzz and come back with just a moustache because it's very macho to have a moustache.
06:52We were a cutthroat shave away from entering the copverse.
06:56Yeah, I'm ready.
06:57Yeah, yeah.
06:58Perfect.
06:59And this was already feeling like a bad idea.
07:01You seem quite nervous.
07:03Yeah.
07:04What I'm nervous about is just looking like a Tamil guy from some exotic, erotic movie from the 70s.
07:10Rob, on the other hand, with a moustache, I predict unacceptable.
07:15The beards were gone in minutes, but we hadn't dared look in the mirror and the moment of truth arrived.
07:21Right.
07:22Are you ready?
07:23Three, two, one.
07:24Oh, my God.
07:25Whoa.
07:26Whoa.
07:27Whoa.
07:28Whoa.
07:29Oh, my God.
07:31Why is your cheek so pale? Are you white?
07:36Rob, I'm not being funny.
07:37I'm not taking any banter from you about how I look.
07:40Well, I...
07:41You genuinely look like you've got something buried under your patio.
07:44I look like a hard man from the 70s in a football team.
07:46You look like a fucking serial killer.
07:48Let's see what you start with the glasses.
07:50That's got a lot worse.
07:52Oh, my God.
07:54I look like a fucking Asian Albert Einstein.
07:57Oh, mine's horrible.
08:02I look like Alpesh Einstein.
08:04It was hard to imagine anyone casting us looking like this, but we were only halfway there with our copverse look.
08:13You are.
08:14This is your shirt.
08:15Oh, thank you.
08:16How are you looking, Rob?
08:17I look mental.
08:18These trousers, I look like they've been painted on.
08:22It was a tight fit, but we were finally ready to reveal our outfits.
08:26Let's see the big reveal.
08:31Ta-da!
08:32Fabulous.
08:33Um, what do you think?
08:38I don't know what to say.
08:40Do you think he looks okay?
08:41Because he looks like he needs a copy of Mein Kampf.
08:43You must have.
08:44Have you got any bigger trousers?
08:48He looks like one of the biggest defenders of the Aryan race I've ever seen in my life.
08:52Look, I don't think Rob Beckett is an unattractive man.
08:57He's a good-looking guy.
08:58With a moustache, he looks horrible.
09:01Like, horrible.
09:02Glasses off, do you reckon?
09:03I think glasses off for everyone that sees you.
09:06Fuck!
09:07Let's deal with a moustache, okay?
09:09Some people have a moustache and look handsome and hunky.
09:12Some look camp.
09:14Some look like paedophiles.
09:17I'm a paedophile.
09:18Well, no, I'm not.
09:19But I look like a...
09:20I'm the paedophile option.
09:21Despite feeling more like a criminal than a cop,
09:23it was time for us to get in front of the camera
09:26and try to sell ourselves as serious Bollywood actors.
09:29Okay, you've got to be intimidated.
09:30Come on, Rob.
09:31Very nice, sir.
09:32Very good.
09:33Yeah.
09:34Fabulous.
09:35Gangster cop.
09:36Oh, wow, Rob.
09:37That's amazing.
09:38Rob had smashed his photo shoot and now it was my turn.
09:42But if I was to stand any chance of getting a role in Bollywood,
09:45I was going to have to put aside all the obvious problems
09:48and get into character.
09:49I am Rajef Kumar Singh.
09:53But despite his best efforts, Rob wasn't fooling anyone.
09:58Rob is supposed to be playing Rajiv Kumar Singh.
10:02The camera guy couldn't keep a straight face.
10:05He looks like somebody that moved to Tyron under mysterious circumstances.
10:14With a load of headshots already in the bag,
10:16Rick and Ali had one last look for our portfolios.
10:19The traditional romantic lead.
10:22So it's basically a multi-purpose outfit in Bollywood.
10:25You can do this look for, like, celebrations.
10:27You can do it for weddings.
10:29It's all over.
10:30This is why.
10:31That's it.
10:32I don't think this is okay.
10:33Okay, guys.
10:34Come out.
10:35Let's see what your looks are looking like.
10:40Ooh.
10:43Fabulous.
10:44Yeah.
10:45I love it.
10:46Also.
10:47Yep.
10:48Perfect.
10:50I'll be honest with you.
10:51I'm not sure what I've got on is all right.
10:53See, now I just feel like...
10:55Like what?
10:57I don't know.
10:58It just looks strange, doesn't it?
11:00Look, Romesh looks sensational.
11:02The colour they gave him really suits his skin tone.
11:05He looks unbelievable.
11:06Romesh arrives with praise.
11:08I arrive with questions.
11:09Do you know what he looks like?
11:11He looks like he's doing five weeks in Worthing for the panto.
11:15Okay, let's get you in.
11:17So how should we be posing?
11:19Is it like...
11:20Yes.
11:21Could Rob be a romantic lead?
11:23Yes.
11:24If the other character in the relationship was an animal.
11:28Very nice.
11:30There you go.
11:31Have you ever done a white guy before?
11:33Not this fight.
11:36Romantic leads still felt like a long shot for Rob,
11:38but with Rick and Ali's help,
11:40we'd managed to complete our portfolios
11:42and were one step closer to breaking into Bollywood.
11:45Oh, my God.
11:50Yeah, I think the pictures are done.
11:55That's nice.
11:56That's a good one.
11:57And do you think we've got any potential?
11:59I think so.
12:00We'll edit them a little and send them to the producers.
12:02Why don't you focus on acting lessons?
12:04Yeah, we're up for that, aren't we?
12:05Yeah.
12:06That'll help, I think.
12:07Alright, well look, we'll do that.
12:09But seriously, best of luck.
12:10Great, thanks.
12:11Thanks.
12:12Alright, we'll be in touch.
12:13Thanks, man.
12:14Thank you very much.
12:15I'll get to you again.
12:16Phil and Ali are on a mission to break into Bollywood.
12:21Ta-da!
12:22After learning the tricks of the trade
12:24from Bollywood star Ali Pazau.
12:26Oh, my God.
12:27We now looked the part
12:29and we were ready to up our game.
12:31Why don't you focus on acting lessons?
12:33Yeah, we're up for that, aren't we?
12:34Yeah.
12:36But as we set off from the gateway of India
12:38for a spot of sightseeing before school tomorrow,
12:40tomorrow something was on my mind right so we've done our photo shoot stuff with the moustache are
12:47we keeping this then for the rest of the bollywood adventure what we do we sort of have to yeah we
12:51can't go back now i can't go clean shaven all clean shaven for me's worse for me same i think
12:56for the rest of this trip certainly yeah we're the tash bros but i think if i'm super confident
13:00people won't question it so it's like oh you've got a moustache yeah yeah yeah i do that feels
13:05quite like quite offensive not not confident sexy no powerful no it feels like it's you've got a
13:11chip on your shoulder about okay we've just met each other peter robert nice to meet you hey man
13:15oh you got a tash too yeah i like it okay yeah i like yours as well thanks i don't like that no no
13:22why not how about this oh you're a sex offender as well
13:26to kickstart our acting ambitions the next day we headed into one of india's top drama schools
13:38actor prepares academy in mumbai founded by bollywood icon anupam ker with a career spanning over four
13:46decades in acclaimed roles ranging from bollywood dad in dilwalia dulhania la jiangha i am proud of you
13:52my son it's a therapy guru in the oscar-winning silver linings playbook anupam's an absolute giant
13:58of world cinema hello hi hi hi and with his school's track record of producing some of india's finest
14:05actors it was the perfect place to help us on our bollywood journey so when did you start the academy
14:12about 20 years back our tagline is we bring out the actor in you okay well that's one of the problems
14:18that we've got i think if i can speak on behalf of yes we're quite inhibited musical wise that's
14:24probably our biggest obstacle yeah that's gonna we don't really obstacle yeah i can't dance okay you
14:30can't dance no you've done 500 films though i have done yeah i have danced so i go speak to the
14:35choreographer and i say either the camera should be on my feet or on my face never at the same time
14:41never in the body so it will be face will be doing and the feet will be doing same but together
14:47it will be so difficult so as long as you get one yeah yeah that makes sense that is a great tip
14:53that is a great that's brilliant i think the moment you do not worry about making a fool of yourself
15:00you can act yeah especially in today's time you don't want to be a fool so you do a balanced acting
15:05where you do not look stupid and you cannot act brilliantly right so you are competent and i
15:11think competence is the biggest enemy of brilliance oh yes i love this good what about us because
15:18obviously yeah do you think our faces are assets i think you look very good for a lot of roles even
15:22even me because obviously bollywood i would like to say yeah yeah yeah really so yeah you can be a
15:29curious man yeah who is always curious to find out so curious man a man who will hide behind a tree and
15:35sort of will check out like a pervert yeah we can train you in five minutes i can make you feel
15:43that you can act really yeah well listen we are open to learning and i'll just be free and go for it
15:49and have no fear is that right i think you should be ready to make it fool of yourself you can become
15:54a good actor okay okay so to help us loosen up and lose our inhibitions anupam was teaming us up with
16:02senior acting coach paresh perek yeah so let's uh let's begin with the first uh lesson of the day
16:11it's voice work okay voice work yeah so just talk about something um have you spoke to lisa and the
16:20kids yeah uh theo's not very happy with the mustache you sort of said you haven't really done that to
16:26your face okay fine so uh can you raise the volume please yeah of course what's his problem i don't
16:33know i just feel like he finds it embarrassing you know like i post it up on instagram and now all of
16:37his mates are going your dad looks like a nonce it's just a bit of an embarrassing horrible situation
16:42okay so now can you raise the pitch yeah sure and so basically it's a situation where he sort of
16:49finds it difficult because the opinion of his friends is important fine so can you try this yeah
16:54yeah do you think the voice is going to help with the mustache when he sees this back and all his
17:00friends goes your dad looks like a pervert but also sounds like a child okay i think he'll think
17:06that the other person looks much more like a sex offender than he does i don't think his voice is
17:10helping anyone fine thank you now you are using the false false tone of the voice okay yeah i want to
17:18use your i think one of the things that holds me back is inhibitions is sort of embarrassment
17:23i think robber's got that less robber's got sort of a self-confidence and a self-belief that in my
17:31opinion exceeds his talent all right i've still got a lot of hope that i am sort of sitting on the
17:37great white rhino of bollywood and i think that today if he shows something about himself i don't
17:43have to do this anymore i just become rob's manager and they call him i don't know ghost or something
17:48like that and he becomes the biggest thing in the indian film industry that's the big hope that's the big
17:56why home paresh had one last exercise to help us lose our inhibitions and worryingly it involved role
18:02play and a camcorder okay let's go to the second exercise okay okay there's a situation and you are in
18:11bus you both are passengers yeah you are standing and you are singing a song okay and suddenly he bumps
18:22to him because driver suddenly braked and you get pissed off okay and he says what can i do when
18:30driver is doing this yeah again you start singing yeah and this time the bumping person is in the
18:37opposite direction someone new and you are really pissed off and now you are shouting at that person
18:43yeah that person turns out to be a girl right and you suddenly smile okay it's okay now you are pissed
18:52off that i bump to you you are shouted at me and that's a girl yeah yeah prick you have to act this
19:01in gibberish in gibberish in gibberish in gibberish gibberish it's my half but this book off good but
19:06charter up after the evil order you both are okay everything in gibberish okay you can't a single
19:16english word okay so you both are standing and one two three go
19:23selo celuiala
19:45I was born by me.
19:47I was born by my god.
19:49I was born by me.
19:51I was born by me.
19:53I was born by my son.
19:55How'd you hustle?
19:57This is where I was born.
19:59I was born by my son.
20:01I'm born by my son.
20:03You'd better use my voice.
20:05Why would you say that?
20:07I'm worse than I would.
20:09Tossess.
20:11I'm poor.
20:13That's a good one.
20:25That's a good one.
20:32So, let's see the result.
20:35Oh, go watch that.
20:36What you achieve.
20:37It's all right.
20:40It turns out, Paresh was filming us
20:42so we could watch back and study our performances.
20:45But all I could focus on was how we looked.
20:48Why did he show it back?
20:50Why did you do that?
20:51I do not want to watch a video of me inside profile
20:54when the old gobble-gobble toad face comes out
20:58and watch me and Ramesh talk gibberish.
21:01I'm half-decent straight on to the side.
21:03Fucking toad boy.
21:05Fuck me.
21:06It was horrible.
21:07Our profiles are disgusting.
21:09I didn't know what a beard was for.
21:12Now I know it's to hide that.
21:14As for the gibberish thing,
21:16there's two possible options.
21:17Option number one,
21:18it's useful exercise in being able to act
21:20without using any words.
21:22And the other interpretation
21:22is that Paresh has some sort of fetish.
21:25It's very niche fantasy,
21:26but Paresh was incredibly specific.
21:28He filmed it.
21:29I don't know what he's going to do with that.
21:30He's now left with that footage.
21:32Anna Pam's inhibition course had been an eye-opener,
21:38but we'd passed,
21:40and we had the T-shirts to prove it.
21:41I actually felt like we learnt some stuff today.
21:44I think there's something that was said today
21:45that I'll keep with me for the rest of my life,
21:48which is competence is the enemy of brilliance.
21:50Yes.
21:51I like that.
21:52I like Paresh a lot.
21:53Sometimes he'd go,
21:55out of nowhere.
21:57Yeah.
21:57And I don't know what that meant.
21:59Yeah.
21:59He'd be in that one,
21:59and I was like,
22:00I just did it back at him.
22:01Yeah.
22:02Is that the right thing to do?
22:03No, yeah, I think so.
22:04I mean, I don't know.
22:04I don't know what you're asking.
22:05I don't know.
22:05You're not Indian, are you?
22:06No.
22:07That's probably something I keep forgetting.
22:08What series are we?
22:11Also, he said I look like a pervert,
22:13but we've got it, Anna Pam.
22:14I know, he should be pretty just...
22:15You look like a curious man behind a tree.
22:16Oh, thanks, Anna Pam.
22:18Thanks, Anna Pam.
22:19Anna Pam, oh, God.
22:20Here we go.
22:21And he's cancelled.
22:22Clip it up, put it in the trailer.
22:24You can't have to be, Anna Pam.
22:26It's just written on me fucking chest.
22:33We were in India hoping to land roles as Bollywood stars.
22:37We'd met Indian movie legend Anna Pam,
22:39who'd helped us lose our acting inhibitions.
22:44Now all we needed was a film to star in,
22:46and I just had some huge news.
22:49So, Robert.
22:49Yeah?
22:50Um, what did I say was, like,
22:52the big thing about us coming here?
22:53Obviously, learn about Bollywood,
22:55but the ultimate dream beyond all dreams.
22:57Being Bollywood?
22:58Being Bollywood.
22:59Being a film?
22:59Yeah.
23:00Got a text from Ali's team.
23:02Yeah.
23:04We've got a part in a Bollywood movie.
23:06Have we?
23:07Yes.
23:07Right, okay.
23:09The film is a sequel to the successful movie,
23:11Rish Tokabattwara,
23:12which I remember you talking about a lot.
23:13You liked a division of relations.
23:14Yeah, big fan of that.
23:14Got the box set.
23:15It's a drama.
23:16It's not a box set, it's a film.
23:17Yeah.
23:17You don't have a box set of a film.
23:18Deep Blu-ray.
23:20Rob and Romesh will be playing the role of visitors
23:22travelling from a foreign country.
23:23Join Ian in one of the songs in the film.
23:26The song will have the hero and heroine involved,
23:28as well as about 20 dancers.
23:30Right, okay.
23:31Finally,
23:32and this is the bit I think you're going to be very excited about,
23:34Rob will have a line in Hindi.
23:37Whoa.
23:38What?
23:40Let me look at that.
23:41Is this allowed?
23:48I don't know.
23:48We'll find out in the edit.
23:50Go on.
23:51Which means,
23:55why are you fighting?
23:56I'm going to have to speak to someone who can speak Hindi to find out how to say it.
23:59Rob, 100% you are.
24:01I can't just go on and freestyle that.
24:03But listen,
24:04we're in Bollywood, baby.
24:05We're in Bollywood?
24:06No,
24:07as in we're going to be in a Bollywood film.
24:08Oh, right, yeah.
24:08Sorry.
24:09Yeah.
24:09This isn't Bollywood.
24:10Now we're in Mumbai.
24:12Right, okay.
24:12But where is Bollywood then, actually?
24:14Is there a sign?
24:16There probably is, actually.
24:16I'm not seeing it, though.
24:18Actually,
24:18in hindsight,
24:19probably we should have done that.
24:20I'm stressed now.
24:21Don't get stressed.
24:22Easy for Rom to say
24:23he wasn't the one delivering lines in Hindi in a Bollywood movie,
24:27especially because Ali had warned me what I was in for.
24:30It gets really crazy on a set, right?
24:31Especially like Bollywood sets.
24:33You're going to be really,
24:34really like,
24:34zen inside.
24:37Right now,
24:38zen felt miles off.
24:40Rom was buzzing about our Bollywood debut,
24:42but I was going to bed worrying
24:44I'd be getting cancelled mid-scene.
24:51The next day,
24:52on Ali's advice,
24:53we were travelling east of Mumbai
24:55into the countryside
24:56on a mission to find some inner peace.
24:58We were heading to an Ayurveda spa to relax.
25:01Ayurveda is a traditional Indian system of medicine
25:05focused on balance and well-being.
25:07Bollywood swears by it.
25:09Stars like Amitabh Bachchan have promoted books on it,
25:11and Rohit Roy has raved about it on social media.
25:15So if it worked for them,
25:16it could get Beckett in the right frame of mind
25:18for his performance tomorrow.
25:19Rob's sort of pranging out a little bit about it,
25:22as he should do,
25:23because he wouldn't be prepared to be in a movie
25:25if it was in English.
25:27Is there a strong argument
25:28that we should spend today
25:29doing some acting lessons
25:30and learning rudimentary Hindi?
25:32Absolutely.
25:33But that's not what we're doing.
25:34We're coming here to get, like,
25:35really very zen,
25:36and rather than Rob learning the Hindi,
25:39he will become Hindi.
25:43We'd gone for the Ayurvedic taster menu,
25:46and based on the welcome,
25:47it wasn't going to be your average spa day.
25:55This is what you've got to wear.
25:57For a massage?
25:58Yeah.
25:58Can I put it around my waist?
25:59Our first treatments were Ayurvedic massages
26:04in traditional Ayurvedic dress.
26:08If you undid a loo roll completely
26:10and attached a string to it,
26:13that's what we've got to wear.
26:18And then, I assume,
26:19after you've finished the treatments,
26:20you burn that immediately.
26:22It's going on there.
26:23What?
26:24Well, I've got three of them on.
26:26They put three in the room.
26:27What's up, please?
26:31Romesh looked like a giant baby
26:32because he'd made a special loincloth
26:34out of his loincloth.
26:37Absolutely horrendous.
26:39I was having a treatment called Piri Chill.
26:41Basically, warm oil poured all over me.
26:44Rob was getting a massage called Kishiradara,
26:46which involved milk.
26:49It's going cold.
26:53I feel like I'm watching your only face.
26:55I'm watching milk tripping out of your mouth.
27:07I'm watching milk tripping out of their mouth.
27:11Having milk poured all over you.
27:13Sorry.
27:14He's going to be finding, like,
27:15cottage cheese in his crack.
27:17This couldn't look worse.
27:19He's going to smell like an edam.
27:24So milky.
27:25What it looked like was Rob's dick had been murdered
27:28and they put a shroud over it for its decency.
27:30Is that nice, like a massive?
27:32Yeah.
27:33It's good.
27:39My skin cannot be more oiled.
27:43I'm ready to go in the fucking air fryer.
27:46I was feeling a little more zen after the milk massage,
27:50but with ropes involved in our next treatment,
27:53things are about to get a lot more intense.
27:55Hello.
27:56Hello, namaste.
27:57Nice to meet you.
27:58Nice to meet you.
27:59I'm Prabhat.
28:00Nice to meet you, I'm Prabhat.
28:01Nice to meet you, Prabhat.
28:02Please.
28:03You walk into a room that looks like it's somewhere
28:05where they'd extract sort of secrets from you.
28:07The rope coming from the ceiling.
28:09You think this might be the last room I ever walk into?
28:11You have to lie down, face down, okay?
28:14Okay.
28:15I will put you in position.
28:17Prabhat's a master in the art of Chavuti Turumal,
28:20an Ayurvedic technique that means foot pressure.
28:23Full body, deep tissue, all done with the feet.
28:26Basically, Beckett was about to get trampled.
28:29I'm a big fan of Prabhat, but he is using his feet.
28:33And I'm firmly of the belief that feet should not be seen.
28:37They're certainly not for applying oil and rubbing you up and down your body.
28:44Oh, that felt...
28:45Your Achilles tendon went between his toes, then.
28:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:49Felt like the tendon was a credit card, and his toes was a machine.
28:53I think you might use your ass-crackers chipping pin in a minute.
28:56Sphinx position, please.
28:59Sphinx?
29:00Yeah.
29:01Oh, there you go.
29:02I'd say that's probably the worst way my body could look.
29:05There we go.
29:07My little womble tits hanging down.
29:10Oh, the tits!
29:12These tits!
29:17Oh, my gosh.
29:18He's using it like a ski slope.
29:20He's doing slalom on the bottom of your back.
29:23Face up, please.
29:27I've seen absolutely everything in profile.
29:30Have you ever looked up at the sun for a second,
29:32and you look away and that image is still in your eye?
29:35That's what it was like with Rob's dick and balls.
29:42Oh, no.
29:44Okay.
29:45No way.
29:46Good dick, no.
29:48No.
29:53Here we go.
29:54What do you think is going to happen now?
29:56Okay, wait.
29:57Fuck it.
29:58Fuck it.
29:59Oh, my God.
30:00Kill it.
30:05It's like a new creep on it.
30:09I've never been felt like this before.
30:13Oh, yeah.
30:17Sorry, what the fuck is going on?
30:20Oh, my God.
30:22Are you joking?
30:24He went like that.
30:27Sort of tweaking his nose with his foot.
30:30It's his foot.
30:31Okay.
30:32That's it.
30:34Thank you very much.
30:35Now, Rob, be careful now.
30:36Rob, be...
30:37Oh, fuck it.
30:38Or don't.
30:39I was up.
30:41Please lay down.
30:42I'd love to, yeah.
30:43And my foot aversion was about to be put to the test.
30:46I don't want to do this.
30:48It's good to finally get some oil on my skin.
30:52Had about three to four minutes where I wasn't completely oiled up from top to bottom, so that's good.
30:56And it didn't take long for Prabhak to turn me into a human doormat.
31:00It'll be good for your marathon training.
31:02You're supposed to get time on feet, not time under feet.
31:05Whacka, whacka!
31:09And as Prabhak hit me with the Sphinx, and then the ski slope, it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened.
31:17Here we go.
31:18Welcome to the Thunderdome.
31:20Oh, no.
31:23Oh.
31:27Oh, my...
31:30What is happening?
31:36Here it comes.
31:41Close your eyes, please.
31:42Okay, yeah.
31:43Gladly.
31:45Why are you laughing, Prabhak?
31:47Don't forget his nose, Prabhak.
31:52Oh, my God, Prabhak!
31:56Buy me a drink first, Prabhak.
31:57Okay, sir.
32:02Thank you so much.
32:03That was lovely.
32:04I love you.
32:05I'll eat the Sphinx from my pan.
32:11Thank you so much, Prabhak.
32:13Thank you so much.
32:14Thank you so much.
32:15Thank you so much.
32:16Thank you so much.
32:17Thank you so much.
32:19Thank you so much.
32:21Having Prabhak put his foot on my face felt like the natural end to our Ayurvedic journey.
32:27But we still had one more treatment to go.
32:30Shiro basti.
32:31It involved dough, a hat, and more oil.
32:34This is what, a pastry turban?
32:36It's just never felt so helpless.
32:37I just don't know what I am anymore.
32:39I'll tell you about to be, a pie.
32:41The paste was a mystery until the hats went on.
32:44It was there to seal them to our heads so they could pour in the oil.
32:49It's good, actually. It's been about seven or eight minutes since I've had some oil applied.
32:53We'd been thoroughly oiled and told to sit back, relax, and enjoy the feeling.
32:59I started in a position that means the only way this stays straight up is if I look at your crotch.
33:10Have a good look.
33:13Please, Rob, don't. Rob, don't.
33:16Do you like it?
33:18I'm feeling de-stressed.
33:19All I can see, hold on, I can't, this angle's terrible.
33:22You're going to sleep well tonight.
33:24Shall we close it back up?
33:25Please.
33:28You know what I think would have been a good treatment?
33:31A lesson in Hindi.
33:35I don't know if that's right or not.
33:37It had been a mixed day, part relaxing, part traumatic.
33:41Rob had barely practiced for his role tomorrow, but we ticked Ayurveda off the Bollywood to-do list.
33:45All that was left now was to become Bollywood stars.
33:55We're in India, taking on Bollywood.
33:58Thanks to our mentor, Ali Fazal, we'd somehow ended up in a film.
34:02And unbelievably, Rob had been given a line in Hindi.
34:06Kayan gada kagreho.
34:09Kayan g-
34:10Is this allowed?
34:12Today, we were heading north of Mumbai to the film's location, a set called Focus City.
34:18If you'd have said to me at the beginning of this whole thing, at the end of the week, you are going to be playing a tourist at Focus City in a Bollywood film, I would say, what is Focus City?
34:27But here we are. We're in a Bollywood film. It's a hell of a day, man.
34:33We were here to star in the sequel of Rishtoka Batwara 2, which translates as Division of Relationships.
34:43The first film was a big hit, a family drama packed with dance numbers.
34:47So with Bollywood fans already on board, expectations were high.
34:56This film is a sequel to a film that on YouTube has got 13 million views, right?
35:03So this is not Rob Beckett's Smart TV, right?
35:06Lots of people actually watch this.
35:08First up, we were meeting the film's producer, Mr. Sharp.
35:12Yeah, hi. Good morning.
35:14So he could talk us through the scene.
35:15It's a song sequence in which a hero and heroine is having a very sweet fight.
35:24A sweet fight, yeah.
35:26Where the heroine says to the hero, you bring me the Jumka.
35:30That is the earring. The big one.
35:32Then only I will allow you to kiss on my chick.
35:35Oh!
35:37So you are watching all this, why these people are fighting?
35:40There is one guy who is selling earrings.
35:42Yeah.
35:43You get the daring.
35:44Yeah.
35:45You go to the heroine.
35:46And then you have to explain it in one line in Hindi.
35:49Yes, yes.
35:50Like,
35:52Go on. He's doing the line. He's got this.
35:54Only little word in Hindi.
35:56All right, great.
35:57And you can take part when the song is going on.
35:59You can just do whatever kind.
36:01Okay, great.
36:02You met my director?
36:03No, not yet.
36:04KTG?
36:05KTG?
36:06It's busy.
36:07Yes, sir.
36:08Hi.
36:09Rob, nice to meet you.
36:10Yeah.
36:11Hello.
36:12He's Rob and he's Robin.
36:13Hi.
36:14Nice to meet you.
36:15It's hot, isn't it?
36:16Yeah.
36:17So he's my director?
36:18Yeah.
36:19He told you what you were supposed to do.
36:20He told you.
36:21Yeah, yeah, yeah.
36:22Perfect.
36:23Brilliant.
36:24Thank you so much.
36:25Thank you so much.
36:27Looking around, the production was big.
36:28Trying to speak Hindi in front of everyone was too good to be true.
36:32I can't wait.
36:34I'm absolutely buzzing.
36:35I feel like it's my birthday.
36:37While Ron was chilling with his coffee, I'd hit the Google Translate panic bar.
36:41What have you got here?
36:42Why are you doing this?
36:44Oh, fuck's sake.
36:45I feel like Dom King.
36:47I've brought my prize fighter to Focus City to be in a film.
36:52You want to speak Hindi?
36:53Yeah, hell yeah, he speaks Hindi.
36:55Why?
36:56Why?
36:57Why?
36:58Why?
36:59Why?
37:00Why?
37:01Why?
37:02Why?
37:03Why?
37:04Why?
37:05Why?
37:06Why?
37:07Why?
37:08Why?
37:09Why?
37:10Why?
37:11Why?
37:12Why?
37:13Why?
37:14Why?
37:15Why?
37:16Why?
37:17Why?
37:18Why?
37:19Why?
37:20Why?
37:21Why?
37:22Why?
37:23Why?
37:24and once we put on our tourist outfits the line felt like the least of my worries so what do you
37:30think what we plan again yeah some sort of tourists I've got a guess at what time the
37:37through line of me being a pervert in this show is not stopping is it no I think you suit the look
37:42I mean I think the socks and saddles are doing most of the heavy lifted what I want to know is
37:47what are us two on holiday doing well that's the question isn't it yeah we just we just go yeah
37:58we're on a little little trip we've got India Cambodia Thailand have a look about yeah feel
38:04more feel more welcome over here than a new back at home all right come on should I go do it we
38:13had three scenes to shoot that made up one big dance number but we were still trying to get our
38:18heads around the story it's a very confusing narrative we're two tourists let's not get
38:24into specifics of what we're doing how we've come together while we're wearing what we're wearing
38:28all of that I think is makes it a much darker project first we had to watch the loved-up couple
38:34have a Barney over a pair of earrings while we stared through a window like a pair of creeps
38:39luckily KD was on hand to guide us through it I'll tell you look each other okay then you
38:44have to come look what's going on I'm a big fan of KD he looks like Sherman clump the later years
38:49ready ready I'll be here okay you tell me when I say go I love the fact he's very nice to us but
38:57then shouts at anyone Brown that works on the show so then you um you do this and then you come
39:06I'll tell you go and then look each other yeah then start dancing okay the way Aaron let's pop out I
39:28don't know if this is a massive stitch up because at the moment what it feels like is this is the most
39:33mental thing I've ever done in the next part of the scene our characters were joined by a bloke
39:48in a scarf who was selling earrings junker that we were going to buy to please the leading lady
39:53and unfortunately for us this meant the start of our big dance sequence so we were showing the
40:03classic Bollywood dance move the thump car and once KD was happy we were ready to go for a take roll
40:12and once we'd started it didn't stop
40:30I dance more today for those scenes than I have done at every Asian wedding I've ever been to added
40:45together thankfully the dancing was done but that meant it was time for Rob's line and he wasn't
40:56looking good I'm absolutely exhausted already and it's happened yet it's 39 degrees the geezer said
41:02this is an Indian heat wave I can't handle a British heat wave I was melted in the heat and KD
41:07was pressuring me to rehearse I've got no idea what the line is anymore every single Indian actor or
41:26producer or director that comes up to me has a different accent and pronounce it in a different
41:30way I think it's actually you know like in the UK people have got different accents so it's like I
41:45feel like an Italian player that's signed for Liverpool I've learned English Devon's a scouser Rob
41:50was all over the place hearing the line pronounced 20 different ways and scrambled his brain Q and Jack
41:56crack a rocky hall hello just you don't sound just didn't shout the line everybody you cannot get
42:02in my head right now show me how you're gonna do it killed but don't worry about that don't get
42:09that in your head about it now we had to deliver in Hindi in front of the entire cast and crew and
42:15eventually millions of Bollywood fans oh but if he nailed it he'd be a bonafide Bollywood movie star
42:24ready rolling roll action here's our big Bollywood moment in Rishto Kabatwara 2
42:33be here's our big Bollywood music star
42:35at last
42:43Oh
42:45I haven't thought really
42:54sorry
42:55you
42:56Oh
43:08G
43:19Kion Jagra kara hero yellow
43:26Oh
43:33Okay, it's done done in one take. Oh, yeah, that's how we do. I'm quite excited I did it in one take which is a bit of a
43:42You know everyone I'm a one-time wonder
43:47But I do think it had something to do with lunch
43:51Because they were like right down lunch
43:53Okay, I got first class body about buddy. Yeah, thank you. Our Bollywood adventure was complete
44:00We'd acted danced being oiled and somehow survived it Robert nailed his line first time
44:06Which honestly I never thought would happen but cometh the hour cometh the great white rhino
44:12Don't run after you've done well there
44:15Yeah, I think you've done particularly well. We had a mission objective. Yeah for this episode. We've done it
44:21Well delivered a line of Hindi dialogue in a film that I do hate music and dancing
44:25Yeah, you danced for ages. I enjoyed it. You'd let go of your inhibitions
44:29I don't know if the foot massage helped in future if I'm trying to learn Hindi
44:33I don't think I need to lay naked face down another man walk on me. No
44:37Never mind on camera. I'll do that in my spare time. Huh?
44:39Junker
44:44No, no, sir. No, you were great though. Do you know I think we should do cuz I head off
44:49Go and find KD. See if we can be in part three get some of the backstory for these two perverts may be left out
44:56Jumka in London. I'm so sweaty. It's your ass wet
45:00But we can't close the episode like that. I'm not opening it with it
45:04Come on, let's go
45:06Come on
45:36Um
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