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Never Mind the Buzzcocks (2021) Never Mind the Xmas Buzzcocks 2025
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FunTranscript
00:00.
00:05MUSIC CONTINUES
00:10Welcome, welcome to Nevermind the Burst Cocks, it's the Christmas special!
00:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:35Christmas, it means something different to everyone, doesn't it?
00:39You might think, tinsel, turkey, merriment, but I know what you really want.
00:43You want a Christmas show where the legal team have asked to remove a joke about Cliff
00:47Richard because, and I quote, on top of being bad taste, there were potential defamation
00:51issues.
00:52Well, you've hit the mother load here!
00:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:59Joining Jamali on Noel's team tonight...
01:01It's not about the money, money, money...
01:04A Brit, awards-winning global superstar who has sung with Nicki Minaj and Ariana Grande,
01:09and a singer who we at Buzzcocks have got a secret about that could ruin her.
01:12We must have.
01:13Otherwise, why is she here?
01:15It makes no sense.
01:16I don't know what she's done, but she's done something.
01:19What have you done?
01:20What have you done, Jessie J?
01:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:26And on Sophie's team tonight...
01:29WHEN WILL I, WILL I BE FAMOUS?
01:33..lead singer of the multi-platinum-selling Bross, who's on record as saying he's water-skied
01:38with The Edge, he's played table tennis with Keith Richards, he's shared a scotch with Frank
01:42Sinatra, and he's had lunch with Princess Diana, and tonight he lands the big fish.
01:47He sits next to a pregnant woman from Bolton, who told me that she once got drunk on a train
01:52with Dev from Coronation Street.
01:55He's done it!
01:56It's Matt Goss!
01:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:01And also on Sophie's team, an awards-winning comedian and actor who is famous for Man Like
02:08Mo Bean, and I'm with him.
02:09Man do like Mo Bean.
02:11And this man likes Mo Sausage, Mo Bacon, stick a couple of hash browns on, you can keep
02:15your cooked tomato, let's eat!
02:16It's the brilliant Guss Kahn!
02:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:24Christmas.
02:25Christmas.
02:26Christmas.
02:28Is it special to you all?
02:30You haven't done a Christmas show with us, Soph, before?
02:31I've not, no.
02:32They're your favourites, aren't they, lads?
02:34It's the worst one.
02:35LAUGHTER
02:36Why is it the worst one?
02:37Quite the worst one.
02:38You're not a Christmas fan?
02:40I've got to spend time with the family and stuff, don't you?
02:42Yeah.
02:43You already live with your mum.
02:44Yeah, I do live.
02:45LAUGHTER
02:46You've got to come out of your room, though.
02:48Yeah.
02:49You've got to get off the PlayStation for a while, haven't you?
02:51And do you know what the thing is?
02:52That's actually what pisses me off.
02:53I've got to get off the PlayStation for a while.
02:55LAUGHTER
02:56Jessie, do you like Christmas?
02:57You a big Christmas fan?
02:58I love Christmas.
02:59Great, innit?
03:00Yeah.
03:01I love it.
03:02November 1st.
03:03Halloween's done.
03:04I'd have thought it'd have been the opposite for you.
03:05You look like a Halloween child.
03:07Well, you look like brother and sister.
03:09LAUGHTER
03:10I sat down on set, I thought it was in the Tim Burton movie.
03:13LAUGHTER
03:15But I've got a little baby, so I'm excited for Christmas,
03:17a whole new thing now.
03:18Oh, yeah.
03:19Is it the first Christmas?
03:20Yeah, the first one he understands.
03:21He's two, innit?
03:22Yeah, he's two and a half.
03:23So you didn't give him one last year?
03:24No.
03:25Definitely not.
03:26I've got a mate who has that policy with his children.
03:27No gifts, no celebrations till year two.
03:29That's fair.
03:30I did it.
03:31Yeah.
03:32I saw someone who threw a surprise party for a one-year-old.
03:35And I was just like, you know, you don't have to do that.
03:37You just pop up from behind a tea towel to surprise him.
03:40LAUGHTER
03:41Gus, you've got loads of kids.
03:43Is Christmas a big thing in your house or not?
03:45Love Christmas.
03:46Yeah?
03:47Me and my wife and five kids, um, and we've got this new force
03:51tradition where, um, early on in the day, Tommy Robinson comes
03:54round and he does a protest in our front garden.
03:56LAUGHTER
03:58Immigration and...
03:59Flynnet.
04:00Islam and all that.
04:01Doesn't it fill your heart?
04:02It does, yeah.
04:03Obviously, none of that's true, but I wish it was,
04:05cos Christmas is usually shit at our house.
04:06There's nothing going on.
04:07LAUGHTER
04:09Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Goss is here.
04:10Yeah, yeah.
04:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
04:14Matt, I was genuinely a massive Bross fan.
04:17When I was at university, it was a house song,
04:19I owe you nothing, and I want to bond with you now.
04:22I'll tell you this.
04:22Go on.
04:23I once had sex to that song.
04:24OK.
04:25I once had sex with a woman who threw a Marks and Spencer's
04:27Goodsbury fool on my penis.
04:29What?
04:30Licked it off like a big cat.
04:31LAUGHTER
04:34So you've got a blowjob and dessert.
04:36LAUGHTER
04:38APPLAUSE
04:40Christmas, big thing for you?
04:42I love Christmas, but I feel like coming back here
04:44after I've been in the States, it arrives in, like, October.
04:47And it's just too much, it's too much too soon.
04:48Yeah.
04:49You know, it's just, it's overkill for me.
04:51When do you want it to come?
04:52Like, December 15th.
04:55Really?
04:56That is very specific.
04:57That is a very quick lead-up.
04:58How do you fit it all in?
05:00Well, that's a very personal question.
05:01LAUGHTER
05:03There you go.
05:06Just with your thumb, innit?
05:09Yeah, yeah.
05:11LAUGHTER
05:12You've both done versions of Silent Night, right?
05:13Have we?
05:14Can we have some live Silent Night?
05:15Oh, God.
05:16To start the show?
05:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
05:18Let's find out.
05:19THEY NK
05:33Personally, we did it at the same key.
05:40and child, holy if it's so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly
06:02peace.
06:10I feel like me and God should have wrapped at the end.
06:15Yeah, you wrap our beatbox between us.
06:19I think that's the one connection no-one ever wants to see, is you and me wrapping.
06:24I can beatbox.
06:25Can you wrap my Sophie beatboxes?
06:27No, I can't.
06:28Just for me, let's crack it.
06:29No, I can't.
06:30I'm just giving you one.
06:32No, I'm just going to lay back.
06:34I'm just giving him one.
06:36Hold on, let's have a little bit of beatboxing for me.
06:38I need to be stood up, I think, actually.
06:43BOOT!
06:45BOOT!
06:46BOOT!
06:47BOOT!
06:48BOOT!
06:49BOOT!
06:50BOOT!
06:51BOOT!
06:52BOOT!
06:53All right, then?
06:54I lost my name.
06:57It was hot and good.
06:59Watching a pregnant northern woman beatbox.
07:02That round of applause was the definition of charity.
07:04It was, yeah.
07:05Okay, shall we crack on with the show?
07:07Yeah!
07:08Here we go.
07:09The first question is for Sophie's team.
07:12And unsurprisingly, guess what?
07:14It's about Christmas music legends.
07:16Take a look at this.
07:17When love was coming to you.
07:18All I want for Christmas is you.
07:19It's the season.
07:20Love and understanding.
07:21Merry Christmas, everyone.
07:22Christmas time.
07:23Christmas time.
07:24Mistletoe and white.
07:25Children singing Christmas.
07:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:27APPLAUSE
07:28That was Mariah Carey shaking Stevens and the smell of TCP on your dying grandma's skin.
07:33Cliff Richard.
07:34Cliff Richard.
07:35LAUGHTER
07:36Sophie's team.
07:37Sophie's team.
07:38Sophie's team.
07:39Can you tell me which one of these Christmas legends...
08:10Is it?
08:11A.
08:12Cliff Richard has a special Christmas gravy that consists of eight stock cubes, two beef,
08:17two chicken, two lamb and two vegetable.
08:19He tops it off with teriyaki sauce and Worcester sauce along with some fried onions.
08:24And if you think that sounds mad, he freezes jugs a bit so that his family don't miss out.
08:30LAUGHTER
08:31Or is it?
08:32B.
08:33Whilst appearing on a festive edition of Sunday Brunch, Shake and Stevens made gingerbread iced with chicken liver pate.
08:39He told Simon Rimmer...
08:41The idea popped into my head. Next thing you know, I was slaughtering one of my hens.
08:45When the panel tried Shakey's creation, got one dry heaved so hard they had to cut to a break.
08:50LAUGHTER
08:52Or was it C. In 2006, Mariah Carey revealed she makes seafood Christmas puddings.
08:59I substitute the raisins for caviar, the candied peel for prawns and the brandy for tuna brine.
09:05However, in 2024, she admitted she hadn't made one for years, saying,
09:09I'm in a much better place now mentally.
09:12LAUGHTER
09:14APPLAUSE
09:16There you go, Sophie's team. One of those, incredibly, is true.
09:19Cliff sounds less weird now. Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
09:22LAUGHTER
09:23Yeah.
09:24So, obviously, you try and decipher what people are cooking by, maybe, like, cultural heritage, right?
09:29Yeah.
09:30That's the way I'm looking at it. So, Cliff Richard, is this uncle, um...
09:33He's just straight-up...
09:34Uncle.
09:35White uncle?
09:36What?
09:37Sorry.
09:38I'm sorry, Chris. I didn't expect to be asking this. Do you know who Cliff Richard is?
09:40LAUGHTER
09:41Yeah, but... Yeah, I've seen him.
09:42He was the guy that was... with the nice hair just now, yeah?
09:44That's the guy with the nice hair.
09:45Yeah.
09:46So, is he...
09:47Because he looks a little bit, like, ambiguous. You get what I'm saying?
09:49Yeah, he's got that David Dickerson tan.
09:51Yeah.
09:52Where you got, like, you second-looking, you go, hey, wait a second.
09:56Yeah, he's... Should I be saying... Should I be saying...
09:58Should I be saying, hello, uncle, or hello, uncle? Like, I don't...
10:01To me, that sounds the same.
10:03Does it sound the same? Let me do it one more time.
10:05Hello, uncle. Hello, uncle.
10:07There you go. There you go.
10:08Yeah.
10:09Wow, I could watch this all night.
10:11LAUGHTER
10:12Sorry, you're not sure what race Cliff Richard is?
10:15LAUGHTER
10:16I don't think there's anyone more white than Cliff Richard.
10:20LAUGHTER
10:22What do you think?
10:23So, Shakin Stevens made a gingerbread...
10:26I don't think he'd have done that, do you?
10:28Chicken pate.
10:29I've met Shakin, if it helps, I can give you some insight into his character.
10:32Please do, yeah.
10:33Yeah, he was pretty quiet.
10:34OK.
10:36Thank you, that does actually help.
10:37Because if he was quiet, he would have made the bold choice of chicken liver pate with gingerbread.
10:43LAUGHTER
10:44And maybe you can rule it out based on that alone.
10:46I'll rule it out, yeah.
10:47Do you think Mariah Carey reveals she makes a seafood...
10:51I don't think she ever cooks.
10:53Have you met Mariah?
10:54You must have met Mariah.
10:55Yeah, I've worked with her.
10:56Is she nice?
10:57Yeah, she's super cool, yeah.
10:58Is she?
10:59Oh, yeah.
11:00I had a friend that had a bit of a...
11:01They had a bit of a beef.
11:02Oh.
11:03And I ended up, like, putting together and they're good friends now.
11:05Is this someone famous?
11:06Yeah, it is.
11:07It is.
11:08Come on.
11:09Come on, Rob.
11:10Come on, mate.
11:11Is it Cliff Richard?
11:12It is, yeah.
11:13For fuck's sake, it is.
11:14Tell us, Matt.
11:15We won't put it in the show.
11:16Of course not, no.
11:17No.
11:18Not my first rodeo, mate.
11:19Just saying that.
11:24Shall I give you some facts that might help you decide?
11:27Yeah.
11:28In an interview, Mariah was asked if she cooks her own Christmas dinner
11:32and she said this.
11:33She said,
11:34I do and nobody believes me.
11:36And in the same interview later, she admitted,
11:38well, I help.
11:41And then a little bit further in the interview, she said,
11:43I do a bit of seasoning.
11:47Jessie, you went to a lot of effort for Christmas once,
11:49didn't you?
11:50When I was pregnant, I was in LA and I didn't want to come home,
11:54so I flew my family to me.
11:56And the plumbing in LA houses isn't the best.
11:59And there was a lot of food consumed,
12:02which meant there was a lot of toilet trips.
12:04It was rough.
12:05And basically, the first pipes, there was literally, like,
12:08shit water coming out of the floorboards.
12:12What?
12:13Yeah.
12:14Here's the story you were having Christmas Day,
12:16but the house got full of shit.
12:18Basically, yeah.
12:19So, basically...
12:20Because, honestly, the story they asked me to prompt
12:22was that you once went abroad on holiday
12:24and you took a suitcase full of stuffing.
12:26They didn't mention a house being full of shit.
12:27Oh, really?
12:28Oh, really?
12:29Oh, yeah, that's a different story.
12:31Oh.
12:32I mean, that is another story that I said, yeah.
12:36I prefer the house full of shit one.
12:38But, yeah.
12:39I was so pregnant, I was just like, yeah, I know.
12:41How many months?
12:42I was five and a half months, but everyone was like,
12:44she's about to drop, and I was like, nope.
12:46Just over halfway.
12:48Yeah.
12:49See, I just had a big old baby.
12:51Did you?
12:52Big as Greg.
12:53Yeah.
12:54Did you know in advance?
12:55They keep telling me I'm having a tall baby.
12:58Well, my boyfriend's tall.
12:59So, every scan, he was just really long.
13:01Yeah, that's what mine's dead long.
13:03Yeah.
13:04And his feet was stuck under my ribs.
13:05I'm going to have a vagina like a basset hound.
13:07I'm...
13:08I'm really...
13:10I'll tell you, I'll tell you now, this is probably TMI,
13:15but totally off, but just woman-to-woman, baby-to-baby.
13:18Yeah.
13:19So, when I prep for a natural birth, I did this thing called
13:21the epi-no, where you put, like, a balloon in, a hoo-ha,
13:24and then you blow it up to the size of a baby's head,
13:26and you give birth to it, like, every night for, like,
13:29the three weeks before.
13:30Sounds knacker in there.
13:31So, I did that, and then ended up having a C-section.
13:35Oh.
13:36So, now I've got the most inappropriate party trick.
13:40It's just...
13:42I'm sorry, you were putting a big balloon inside yourself,
13:46and then birthing it every day.
13:48Yeah.
13:49What do you reckon? Let's get back to the question.
13:56We're going to have to make a decision soon.
13:58I think Cliff, just because it's the least weird.
14:02I'll just throw this in for you now, because it might help you.
14:04Yeah, please, yeah.
14:05Cliff Richard was born in India.
14:07So, he was born in India?
14:08Yeah.
14:13So, what happened? If you're born in India,
14:14you just retain the tan for the rest of your life?
14:17LAUGHTER
14:18He was born to two white parents, he...
14:21Well, that's what he thinks.
14:23Ah!
14:25Yeah.
14:26Let's get an answer.
14:27Is it Cliff's gravy?
14:29Sure.
14:34What do you think?
14:35Cliff's gravy, Shakey's gingerbread pate,
14:37or Mariah's seafood pudding?
14:39Sophie?
14:40Let's get some points on the board.
14:41You're saying Cliff.
14:42You're just quite fascinated by him being in India.
14:46I'm just quite... Yeah.
14:47Cliff Richard.
14:48Here we go.
14:49It's got to be.
14:50Oh, my God, you're right!
14:51Yeah.
14:52The answer's A!
14:58Cliff makes his own special disgusting gravy.
15:02Sophie's team, that's a point to you!
15:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:09The next question is for Noel's team.
15:11Take a look at this.
15:12MUSIC PLAYS
15:22MUSIC PLAYS
15:30That was your friend's ugly baby, Elton John.
15:35But Noel's team, can you tell me which of these stories led to Elton having the worst Christmas ever?
15:40Was it A. In 1979, while enjoying a festive buffet, Elton tried borsan cheese for the first time,
15:47starting a love affair that quickly became an addiction.
15:50He told NME, by the end of the year, I was eating 14 pucks a day.
15:54I wasn't even using crackers. I was just biting into them like an apple.
16:00Or was it me? Elton went to the airport to pick up his lover, who was staying for Christmas.
16:04When Elton arrived, he found out that on the flight over, his boyfriend had decided that he wasn't gay
16:09and run off with the air hostess. Elton never saw his boyfriend again.
16:14Or was it C. Whilst present shopping in Harvey Nicks, Elton got his head stuck in a £4,000 polar neck sweater.
16:22Writing in his autobiography, he said,
16:24I was so embarrassed, they had to cut me out with a pair of medical scissors,
16:27and then they expected me to pay for it.
16:29As I said at the time, is Elton John's head too big, or is your top too small?
16:33Chicken and egg, isn't it?
16:36There you go. Your team. One of those is true.
16:40I love that Borsan, it's a puck, is it, of Borsan?
16:45Well, that's what Elton claims.
16:47I mean, the image of him biting into it like an apple.
16:50God, I hope that's the truth.
16:52I think it's B, just because I think that is the thing that would ruin your Christmas.
16:56Like, I, yeah, C's a bit embarrassing, but B, like, you know what I mean?
17:01I think, hey, that's a, I think an addiction is shameful, like, 14 pucks.
17:06That would ruin my day.
17:07Do you want to be reminded what Elton looks like?
17:09See if he looks like a man who'd eat cheese like an apple?
17:11Yeah.
17:11Here he is.
17:13Yeah.
17:13I'm like how he looks like.
17:14I love that picture.
17:16That's what my nan's face looked like when she found out that despite Brexit,
17:19we were still trading with Europe.
17:21So I'll give you a few facts about Elton, then we'll make a decision.
17:32Throughout the 70s, Elton John and Rod Stewart used to try and outdo each other with Christmas gifts.
17:37One Christmas, Elton upstaged Rod Stewart massively.
17:39In an interview, Rod said,
17:40I bought him a pop-up fridge from Harrods.
17:43You press the button and there'd be steam and lights and a bottle of champagne.
17:47It cost me £600.
17:48He said, oh, very nice to you, thank you.
17:52And he gave me a Rembrandt painting.
17:55Oh, wow.
17:56Rembrandt.
17:56An actual Rembrandt painting by the artist Rembrandt.
18:00Fucking hell.
18:01I've never felt so stingy.
18:03Mad, didn't it?
18:03A Rembrandt painting.
18:05Yeah.
18:06Mad.
18:06That one of the guy eating a puck of cheese.
18:10Love that one.
18:11Let's make a decision, folks.
18:13What do you think, A, B or C?
18:14I like the idea that his head got stuck in a jumper.
18:18That'd be quite nice, wouldn't it?
18:19No.
18:19I don't think it's polo neck.
18:20We're not getting him cut out?
18:22Well, it probably is.
18:23Can we mix the two?
18:24Could he not fit in the polo neck because of the cheese?
18:27That sodium will shine you up.
18:28You think there's a chance the answer's going to be A, C?
18:30Yeah, A, C.
18:31It could then be B because his boyfriend didn't come because he got so big from the cheese.
18:36The answer is A, C, B.
18:40OK, so the answer is all of them.
18:45Elton's boyfriend decided he wasn't gay because Elton had eaten lots of cheese and got his head stuck in a jumper.
18:52Send it up to the top, Greg.
18:54Yeah.
18:57We owe it to Borsan to say punks.
18:59I'm down for the cheese.
19:00Are you down for the cheese or are you saying B?
19:02I'm saying B.
19:03I think it's B, but who cares?
19:05We all think it's B, but we're going to say cheese anyway.
19:09I think it's B as well, but I think, weirdly, we're going to just say A.
19:15You're wrong.
19:15The answer is B.
19:16Yes, it is.
19:21Elton's boyfriend apparently changed sexuality, ran off with an air hostess, and Elton said he's never heard from him again.
19:30Hard luck, Noel's team.
19:32Well done, Sophie's team.
19:33No points to Noel.
19:34One point to Sophie.
19:35Hooray!
19:41Time for a little break now.
19:42I'm just going to have a little sip on Cliff's gravy.
19:46That's not gravy!
19:47Welcome back to Nevermind the Buzzcocks, the Christmas special, the show that, until one hour ago, had a joke about P. Diddy's secret Santa gift in it, which our legal team sent us the following email about.
20:10Please, please, 100% lose this.
20:14Six exclamation marks.
20:16Next up, it's the intros round.
20:17Here we go.
20:18Noel and Jesse, on your feet, please.
20:20You'll be performing the intro of a song to Jamali.
20:22Song one, take it away.
20:24Jamali, what do you think?
20:33Jamali, what do you think?
20:34I don't know.
20:35I get that.
20:36I can't remember the note now.
20:38I can't remember the note now.
20:41I can't pass this over, get ready to steal.
20:57It's the worst I've ever sung ever.
20:58Jamali, I'll give you one last kiss, I'm going to pass it over.
21:01OK.
21:02Rock and around the Christmas tree, rocking around.
21:06That is right!
21:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:09It was Rocking Around the Christmas Tree by Brenda Lee and here's how it should have sounded.
21:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:21That was Brenda Lee with Rocking Around the Christmas Tree.
21:26Brenda Lee once said, to me, Christmas is about loading up on meat and then farting like a tractor.
21:31She was having an lighter all day.
21:32She did not say that.
21:33She did not say that.
21:59BUMP, BUMP!
22:01BUMP, BUMP!
22:03LAUGHTER
22:05Jamali.
22:07Something about a sleigh? Yes.
22:09Yes. What about a sleigh?
22:11Santa's sleigh. What do you do on a sleigh?
22:13Flying on a sleigh? No.
22:15There's a snowman next to me on the sleigh.
22:17Yes. I'm going to tell you,
22:19you've got the word sleigh right, and if you don't get it this time,
22:21I'm passing it over. Ah, fucking...
22:23sleigh swimming?
22:25LAUGHTER
22:27I don't know. It's just swimming.
22:29I don't... Happy Christmas, everyone.
22:31Sleigh swimming.
22:33Sleigh... I'm passing it over.
22:35Sleigh bells ringing. Wrong.
22:37You're both wrong. It was Sleigh Rides
22:39by the Ronettes. Here's how it should have sounded.
22:41Sleigh Rides by the Ronettes, which was included on the album,
22:51A Christmas Gift For You, from Phil Spector,
22:53which sounds a lot nicer than the Christmas gift I got from him one year.
22:55I wanted Lego, Phil. What the hell am I supposed to do with a corpse?
23:11OK.
23:13Well done, you guessed.
23:17Nort, correct!
23:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
23:23All right. Sophie and Matt, it's your turn to perform to Guz.
23:27Song one. Take it away.
23:29DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN D
23:59What is it? Is it like, um, like, Knight Rider?
24:02No, that's what you...
24:04I tell you what, it does sound like Knight Rider.
24:07But that's what was in my head. Do you know who I'm going to pass it over for?
24:09I'm going to say Knight Rider.
24:11Ba-dub, ba-dub, ba-dub, ba-dub, ba-dub, ba-dub, ba-dub,
24:13Knight Rider.
24:14It's definitely not Knight Rider.
24:15I don't know.
24:17It's Uncle Bro. It's Uncle Bro.
24:19Oh, it's so there in my head. It's the Baywatch.
24:20Listen, you're both wrong.
24:22It was The Waitresses with Christmas Wrapping.
24:24Oh, fuck. Let's hear how it should have sounded.
24:26MUSIC PLAYS
24:41That was Christmas Wrapping by The Waitresses.
24:43In 2015, Kylie Minogue covered the song with Iggy Pop.
24:47While she thought it was Iggy Pop, it turned out to be an old dog tube
24:49from behind her sofa that absolutely honked.
24:51LAUGHTER
24:52Next song, please.
24:53If this one is Knight Rider, I'm going to shit on the stage.
24:58LAUGHTER
24:59No, no, no, no-no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...
25:07This is good.
25:08No, no, no, ne-d Help-d Help-d Help-d Help
25:09This sounds like the song.
25:10No, no, no, no, no...
25:13CHdid toys
25:14And it's Knight Rider again, huh?
25:16No, no, no, no, no, No, no...
25:18You're not going to get this thinking.
25:19This guitar riff by Matt Goss is absolutely bang on.
25:22Do-do-do, do-do-do.
25:23No. No.
25:25No? You Can't See Me by Tupac Shakur.
25:28LAUGHTER
25:29Close, close, close.
25:31So, so close. I'll pass it over.
25:34Yeah. He just went, is it the one with the crackhead in it?
25:37LAUGHTER
25:39What are you talking about? Shane McGowan?
25:41Yeah, Shane McGowan, yeah.
25:43It's not the one with the crackhead in it, you know?
25:47It's Knight Rider.
25:49I wish it were Knight Rider.
25:50You're both wrong. It's Christmastime by The Darkness.
25:53Here's how it should have said it.
25:55MUSIC PLAYS
25:57APPLAUSE
26:06That was Christmastime by The Darkness.
26:08Justin Hawkins once said,
26:10I think the more successful you are, the bigger your hair gets.
26:13And he's right. That's why the Jackson 5 was so successful.
26:16Well, it was their hair and their dad beating them with a stick.
26:18LAUGHTER
26:19Yep. I know.
26:21Sophie's team.
26:23Hooray!
26:23Nought! Correct!
26:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:26At the end of that round, Noel's team have no points,
26:29but Sophie's team have two points.
26:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:35The next game is called Zig-a-zag-wah!
26:40La-la-la-la!
26:42And it's a game all about the weird, isolated bits in songs
26:45released at Christmastime.
26:47We're going to play five sounds from five songs,
26:49and all you need to do as teams is to name the songs
26:52that the strange sounds come from.
26:54You get a point for each one you name correctly.
26:56Noel's team, you're up first.
26:57Here is your mash-up.
26:59Listen to this.
27:00MUSIC
27:02I think that's Surfing USA.
27:15Is that Teletubbies or Mr Blobby?
27:17I'll say Mr Blobby.
27:19Well...
27:20I think it's Mr Blobby.
27:21If you look at her...
27:22Well, I'll tell you now.
27:23Correct.
27:24One point.
27:25Yes.
27:26So, Mr Blobby...
27:27Yeah.
27:28..last Christmas...
27:29Er...
27:30No.
27:31No?
27:32Can we have it one more time?
27:33Yeah.
27:34One more time.
27:40That's Surfing USA.
27:42What was that till?
27:49Sound of the Underground.
27:50Correct.
27:51Two points.
27:52Surfing in the USA.
27:53No.
27:54Oh.
27:55Oh, I'm out.
27:56That's all we got.
27:57OK, two.
27:58I'll pass it over.
27:59Some extra points here.
28:00Sound of the Underground.
28:01They've already got that one.
28:02All right.
28:03All right.
28:04Wish it could be Christmas.
28:06Correct.
28:07Yeah.
28:08For a stolen point.
28:09Yeah.
28:10You've got one.
28:11No, er...
28:12Are you all right?
28:13What's the difference?
28:14I thought I...
28:15I thought I just had a stroke.
28:17Erm...
28:18Erm, no, is it, erm, Cat Amongst the Pigeons?
28:20It isn't Cat Amongst the Pigeons.
28:21No.
28:22Oh.
28:23Sound of the Underground.
28:24We did have another one.
28:25If anyone else says, Sound of the Underground.
28:27Oh.
28:28What about, erm...
28:29That...
28:30That DJ spin?
28:31Was it...
28:32No, no, no.
28:33Boom, boom, shake, shake the room is what I was thinking.
28:35Cos that starts with a...
28:36What that?
28:37That's Sound of the Underground.
28:38That's Sound of the Underground.
28:39LAUGHTER
28:40What...
28:41What...
28:42What one did you...
28:43What did you do that we still did?
28:44LAUGHTER
28:45Shall we end this?
28:47Yeah.
28:48OK.
28:49So, the full list is...
28:51Wizard, I wish it could be Christmas every day.
28:53Mr Blobby, by Mr Blobby.
28:55Band-Aid, do they know it's Christmas?
28:57I can't believe you didn't pick Boy George out.
28:59Girls Aloud, The Sound of the Underground.
29:01I think we've established.
29:03We got that one.
29:04And the final one was South Park with Mr Hankey the Christmas Pooh.
29:07Oh!
29:08Yeah.
29:09Well done.
29:10Noel's team got two points.
29:11Oh!
29:12And Sophie's team picked up a bonus point.
29:16Yay!
29:17It's quite hard, isn't it?
29:18It is, yeah.
29:19All right.
29:20Sophie's team, your turn.
29:21Here's your mash-up.
29:22Eeee-Eeee-Ee-Eeee!
29:25MUSIC
29:31Ohhhhhh
29:33Who do what you tell me?
29:37There you go!
29:38You get the guesses first!
29:39So the first one.
29:40Yep.
29:41Oh, I've lost my brain.
29:42You want to hear it again?
29:43Oh, fuck!
29:46Somethings happened.
29:47Do you want to hear it again?
29:48Sorry!
29:49Let's see.
29:50Yes, something I was I had three then here again. Yeah, God
30:08This baby brain thing is actually real you'll be alright
30:12Genuinely
30:15Fucking Whitney Houston things on
30:18What does she sing sir?
30:20I will always love you correct one point you and then we went to
30:30It's not you just kept saying that at me
30:34Sorry, it was a bomb bomb bomb. That's a Christmas
30:39Gus I'm just a bit concerned for so for general welfare to be honest
30:43Yeah
30:45You I won't do what you tell me bloody hell. Yeah, that one. What's the song called? Oh
30:52Fucking um, and it was it was a Christmas
30:55You've got I will always love you no points in the back. All right, is it killing in the name of it is killing in the name of the
31:14No more
31:16And is it the frog song for McCartney frog crazy frog the frog call us it is the frog Cora?
31:24Yes
31:26You've got two left and then it's there rate petite. Yes, it is rate petite. Yeah
31:36You've only got one missing I know
31:38I'll tell you who they all were it was Whitney Houston. I will always love you Sophie's team got that yeah rage against the machine killing in the name of no
31:52Seen got that Bob the Builders the one you will miss
31:55Can we fix it Jackie Wilson rate petite Paul McCartney the frog chorus?
32:00Yeah, so Sophie's team got one point and knows team got three boy
32:10The end that round Sophie's team have four points know team have five pie
32:20Time for a quick break. I've just got to pop off and wrap my niece's Christmas present
32:30Welcome back to nevermind the buscocks Christmas special you want another legal note. Don't you this is a genuine quote from our lawyer
32:47I can't find any records of Christopher doing drugs
32:50I know it's a fake anecdote, but please lose the bit about him being on the GAC again
32:55I think Christmas
32:58Our next round is called it's behind you a game celebrating the Christmas tradition of Panto
33:04Knowles team you're playing first everyone. Please make your way to the game area
33:16All right, knowles team behind you
33:18There is a pop star who is appearing in Panto this Christmas each of Sophie's team is going to tell you who it is
33:25But two of them will be lying it is your job to work out who is telling the truth for the audience at home
33:31Please look away now if you don't want to know who it is as I reveal the Panto star
33:42Okay, cuz who is behind the curtain this is a lady called Faye from steps
33:47Sophie who is behind the curtain Lee Ryan Matt who is behind the curtain to a Wilcox why have they all said it like the person's died?
33:59It's me Ryan the blonde hair one from blue. Yes. Was he saying something vaguely racist?
34:05Was he saying something vaguely racist?
34:10Did he say something?
34:11No, no, no, no, no, no, he's a good guy
34:16I like him but he's a good guy
34:18Um, what was what was Lee Ryan wearing?
34:21He was in costume and he had his winkle pickers on
34:24Was he dressed as an elf?
34:25No, I think he was somebody who was in jack-and-the-bean stock
34:31Probably was Toya there?
34:32Toya was there yeah, um how tall is she?
34:35She's probably
34:37Five foot two. I think she she's wearing fishnets and high boots. Yeah, you lying. Absolutely
34:44Oh my god
34:49That was good
34:51Gus, what character is Faye playing? Faye from steps is
34:59Maid marion in robin hood
35:01So what was she wearing?
35:02Like maid marion clothes like you know the old long sleeves and that
35:07Medieval shit. Yeah, medieval shit and she had shoes on and stuff
35:11I don't know I don't believe you
35:16All right
35:19He's lying so much and he's pretending so much that it's not his one
35:24Gus could be telling the truth. That's what I think I think you're telling the truth
35:28I thought you said I was lying
35:29No, but I mean in a sense of double bluffing like you're making it seem like you don't know but you do
35:33Should I tell you the truth? I didn't even know this show was about music so don't take what I say seriously
35:38I don't really know what's happening
35:41I've got five kids at home. I didn't tell my wife I was leaving the house. I'm in a lot of trouble when I go
35:46It could be Toya you know have you met Toya before
35:50I've met her so many times and you said she's how tall five two fish
35:56He seemed like a man who would know a woman's height just by looking
36:01He could really just
36:03What character is she playing puss in puss in boots I think it's funny you said puss I might have to go with that one
36:12That's a funny word it's a funny word
36:14It's a great word
36:15It's a great word
36:15Now I think it's Toya
36:16Whose was yours again?
36:17Lee Ryan
36:18Yes
36:19Yeah
36:20Yeah I hope not because I said that thing at the beginning
36:23Yeah that's going to be awkward
36:27All right Noel's team it's time to decide
36:30I'm going with Gus that's me
36:31Yeah I think it is
36:32All right we'll go Faye from Steps
36:34Lovely
36:35All right let's see if you're right
36:36Will our panto star please step through the curtain
36:48You're right it's Faye Tozer from Steps
36:51Thank you
36:57All right all right Faye
37:00Yeah very good thank you
37:01How are you all right
37:01Merry Christmas
37:02Merry Christmas to you as well
37:04Yeah
37:05You're in pantomime already
37:06We're going through to the um
37:071st of February in uh
37:09Birmingham at the hip drum
37:10Wow
37:11Yeah
37:11Get sparkly and fun for Christmas
37:14What a welcome Christmas edition Faye from Steps
37:16Yay
37:21Robin Hood
37:22Robin Hood is till the 1st of February
37:31Can I say
37:32Matt Goss was amazing
37:33He was great
37:34I knew it was Faye Tozer
37:35And I started to think it might be Toya
37:39Okay Sophie's team's turn
37:40So if you could swap places teams
37:42Good luck kids
37:44To the audience at home
37:45Please look away
37:46If you don't want to know who it is
37:48If you don't want to know who it is
37:48If you don't want to know who it is
37:50Who it is
37:54Noel's team starting with Jamali please tell us who is behind the curtain
37:58It's Bez from Happy Mondays
38:02Playing Widow Tranky in Aladdin
38:04And can I say before I go further my god I hope that's true
38:09Noel who's behind the curtain
38:12It's Terry from East 17
38:15And he's playing buttons in Cinderella
38:18I see that
38:19Jessie who's behind the curtain
38:20Um it's Kelly from Eternal
38:24She's playing the fairy in Sleeping Beauty
38:26You read that really really badly which means you're lying
38:29Did I?
38:30Oh she did it quite well
38:31Yeah you did
38:32No you because you're you're really quick
38:34Am I?
38:35Yeah
38:35She might just read badly
38:39Are you ruling out Paz from the Happy Mondays?
38:41Yeah yeah
38:41I am sadly
38:43Yeah I'm ruling out
38:44Why are you ruling out what's wrong with you
38:46Is he all right?
38:47I don't know I just can't
38:48That's a good point actually
38:50What part would he play in a pantomime?
38:52Um Widow Twanky
38:56You saw him at the back actually
38:58Yeah you did
38:58And I said to him I said
38:59Oh you're playing Widow Twanky
39:00And he went
39:01Oh yeah yeah mad for it
39:02Yeah mad for it
39:04I think it's Terry from East 17
39:07Buttons in Cinderella
39:08He had sort of a military outfit with big
39:11Different coloured buttons on it
39:12What colour buttons?
39:12Well there's yeah
39:13I think it was yellow red and blue
39:15So you called that all in one go
39:17Well I just noticed the buttons
39:19Because the outfit is sort of like a maroon
39:21And then there's like
39:22Oh it's maroon and yellow what a hell of a band
39:23He's got like a yellow blue
39:25A detective show called Goss sounds
39:27Fucking great
39:29It's just him slapping people going
39:31Slick
39:33I'm on your team you're making me want to say no comment
39:35You're making me feel nervous bro
39:38J J J who who who was your person again?
39:40Kelly from Eternal
39:41You're not a good liar
39:42No
39:43No
39:44Fairy and Sleeping Beauty
39:45Right what was she wearing?
39:46A blue dress
39:48And she had a wand
39:49I think we should go with Kelly
39:50Just tell me the truth
39:51I'm your boy
39:52J J
39:52You're captain
39:52With the blue dress
39:53I think you should as well
39:54I trust your instinct
39:55I'm sorry
39:56There's a whole thing going on here
39:57With Goss whispering to Jamali
39:59Just tell me the truth
40:00I'm your boy
40:01So team captain
40:10We've fucked with Ed Lorenz
40:12Jessie J
40:13You're all right
40:13You're saying it's Jessie J
40:15She knows the truth
40:16The person behind the curtain
40:17Is Kelly from Eternal
40:20Kelly from Eternal
40:21Let's see if you're right
40:22Will our panto star please step out
40:24It's Kelly from Eternal
40:28Go
40:30Why you like it?
40:31Why you like it?
40:32Why do you like it?
40:33Why you like it?
40:35Why you like it?
40:37I know
40:39It wasn't blue
40:40It's like an icy silver
40:41And I got it wrong
40:43Jessie was telling the truth
40:44Apart from the dress bit
40:46That was my favourite song going on
40:48Angel of mine
40:49It's a good alphabet.
40:50When I first saw you, I already knew.
40:54Yeah, come on.
40:55That there was something inside of you.
41:00Oh, such a good song.
41:01Something I thought I'd never find.
41:06Angel of mine.
41:09Oh, so good.
41:12I love it.
41:14I love it.
41:16I don't want to spoil that, but can we do it again with Sophie beatboxing?
41:19Jessie was telling the truth, and you can catch Kelly at the Floral Pavilion in New Brighton playing Fairy Snowfall in Sleeping Beauty until the 4th of January.
41:29Thank you, Kelly.
41:32Good night, good night, good night, good night, good night, good night.
41:37Join me.
41:43At the end of that round, Sophie's team have five points and Noel's team have six points.
41:47So far final round, it's time for next lines, Noel's team.
41:54Your time starts now.
41:56Have yourself a merry Christmas, let your heart be light.
41:59Have yourself a merry little Christmas, let your heart be light.
42:03From now on, all your troubles, from now on, all your troubles will be outside, Frank Sinatra, have yourself a merry little Christmas.
42:09Old Mr. Crinkle is soon going to jingle.
42:12Soon going to jingle, the bells that'll tingle all your troubles away.
42:16Yes, Jessie J, the man with the bag.
42:18Christmas time, mistletoe and wine.
42:22Children screaming, Christian wine, with logs on.
42:27Screaming, Christian wine, Cliff Richard, mistletoe and wine.
42:30It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold.
42:33It's Jake and Stephens.
42:34No.
42:35It'll be lonely this Christmas without you to hold.
42:39I'll give it you, lonely and cold, mud, lonely this Christmas.
42:46I see a little silhouette of a man.
42:48Scallamore, scallamore, scallamore, will you do the Fandang?
42:50Yes, Queen Bohemian Rhapsody.
42:51It's the sound of the underground.
42:52It's the sound of the underground.
42:53It's the sound of the underground.
42:55It's the sound of the underground.
42:56It's the sound of the underground.
42:59RIP-PETIT, the finest girl you're ever going to meet.
43:02The beat, the beat.
43:03The beat of the drum goes round and round.
43:05Girls are loud, sound of the underground.
43:07Whoa!
43:08Not bad, not bad.
43:10The beat of the drum goes round and round.
43:13It's really hard for you to hear, isn't it?
43:16All right, well done, Niles team, you've got four points.
43:19Soak his teeth.
43:21You've got to get six right to win.
43:23Right. Here we go.
43:24You ready? Yeah.
43:25Your time starts now.
43:27Baby, if you've got to go away, don't think I can take the pain.
43:30Stay now.
43:32Stay now.
43:33Stay, stay now.
43:35Yes. Will you stay another day?
43:36He's 17, stay another day.
43:38When will I, will I be famous?
43:40Oh, I can't answer that.
43:42BROS, when will I be famous?
43:45When will I see my picture in the paper?
43:48I can't answer that.
43:50Correct. BROS, when will I be famous?
43:52Welcome to my Christmas song.
43:54I'd like to thank you for the year, Elton John stepping to Christmas.
43:56Bob the Builder, can we fix it?
43:57Yes, we can.
43:58Bob the Builder, yes we can.
43:59Yes, we can.
44:00Bob the Builder, yes we can.
44:01We can fix it.
44:02I really can't stay, but maybe it's cold outside.
44:03I have to go...
44:04Yeah?
44:05Yeah, go on.
44:06I have to get home.
44:07I've got...
44:08It's not right, but turn me on.
44:09I've got to go away, Dean Martin, baby it's cold outside.
44:11I've got to go away.
44:14I've got to go away.
44:15I thought you were supposed to get home.
44:17I have to go away...
44:18I've got to go away.
44:19LAUGHTER
44:21It's not right, but turn me on.
44:25I've got to go away, Dean Martin, baby it's cold outside.
44:28It's cold, don't you?
44:30Oh, I thought it was classical!
44:32That sound means it's the end of the round and the end of the show,
44:38and I can tell you that Sophie's team have nine points.
44:41But with ten points, our winners tonight are Noel's team!
44:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:50Thanks to Jessie J, Noel, Jamali, Guzz, Sophie and Matt.
44:56APPLAUSE
44:57It's 40 years this year since Live Aid,
45:00so we've done our best to recreate Do They Know It's Christmas?
45:03This was our plan, ask the original singers to take part.
45:06If any of them say no,
45:07we'll replace them with professional tribute acts.
45:10See if you can work out who we've had to replace.
45:12Happy Christmas! Good night!
45:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:17It's Christmas time.
45:25Christmas, Christmas.
45:27There's no need to be afraid.
45:30Don't be afraid.
45:31At Christmas time.
45:33In the Christmas time.
45:35We let light in.
45:36I'm afraid.
45:37And we banish the shade.
45:39Banishing, banishing.
45:40In the world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy.
45:47Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time.
45:55But see a prayer.
45:59And pray for the other one.
46:04At Christmas time.
46:06It's hard, but when you're having fun.
46:12There's a world outside your window.
46:16And it's a world of dread and fear.
46:21Well, tonight, thank God, it's them.
46:24It's their view.
46:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:30Kids, do you raise the glass for everyone?
46:34Do they know it's Christmas time at Be The World?
46:42Let them know it's Christmas time at Be The World.
46:50Let them know it's Christmas time at Be The World.
46:59Let them know it's Christmas time at Be The World.
47:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:07Merry Christmas!
47:09MUSIC PLAYS
47:11MUSIC PLAYS
47:13MUSIC PLAYS
47:17MUSIC PLAYS
47:19MUSIC PLAYS
47:22MUSIC PLAYS
47:24MUSIC PLAYS
47:25MUSIC PLAYS
47:26MUSIC PLAYS
47:27MUSIC PLAYS
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