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Short filmTranscript
00:00I am Des Clark and this is 10 years of breaking the news where we will be
00:13breaking down a decade of news and asking for opinionated panelists to put
00:18it back together again joining me are four of our longest serving comedians
00:23honestly they've been here since series one and we just cannot get rid of them
00:27and nor would be on my right it's Jay Lafferty and Stuart Mitchell and facing
00:31them are Elaine Malcolmson and Mark Nelson yes what a decade it has been
00:37Greta Thunberg has met the world's top leaders become an internationally
00:41best-selling author and be nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and achievements
00:46have inspired young people all across the world to not bother going to school
00:51anymore yes over the last decade Scotland has
00:55established itself a new set of cultural traditions we now regularly host the
01:00Commonwealth Games we have the annual transmit festival and yes every few
01:08years we burn down the Glasgow School of Art right we've got a lot to get through
01:17let's do it let's crack on with round one
01:27this is the broken news round now ordinarily we'd mash up two stories but instead we're
01:32going to hear from another of our regular contributors and you have to guess what
01:36it is they're joking about so here is our pal Scotland's Queen of Crime Val McDermott so
01:43Jane Stewart can you tell me what Val is talking about here
01:47I mean she's gonna start a second life yeah but she deserves I mean she's certainly put a shift in
01:51you know I think that there's a bright future beckoning so she says herself a
01:56new chapter not that I need the competition
02:00I think possibly the last 10 years of the SNP who's in who's it what's all been happening
02:08is that I'll take that that's a good summary the last 10 years and that is the right answer yes just
02:14like breaking the news the Scottish government rose from the ashes of 2014's independence
02:19referendum and continued to go from strength to strength gaining MPs and an overall majority
02:24in the Scottish Parliament we saw Nicola Sturgeon's rise to the top and eventual resignation amid
02:30scandals arguments and a decline in the SNP's popularity Donald Trump took aim at Nicola Sturgeon when
02:36she left office claiming that he did not have a lot of respect for the woman who preceded John
02:42Swinney as First Minister his outburst prompted Hamza Youssef to intervene adding hey wait a minute I was rubbish as well
02:49don't forget about me
02:54Jay well done and given us the right answer so how have 10 years of SNP government changed Scotland
03:00do you remember the the good old days so when 10 years ago when assault hire men oh come on away
03:06in come in and see us when Brexit was as likely as Oasis getting back together
03:11when America was still somewhere where you might actually consider going your holidays
03:1610 years ago when Des didn't have a Trump impersonation and his George Galloway one was still relevant
03:24well thank you for the answer Jay and I admire your courage your strength
03:36and your phatic ability
03:38obviously we're looking at breaking the news looking back so how have the last 10 years of the SNP government changed Scotland
03:46Elaine I think for the SNP like the big change has been that the main issue is no longer independence
03:53and the two big issues I think in Scotland now are the duelling of the A9 and gender reform
04:01and some of the SNP are now so conservative that they don't really understand those issues
04:07and now they're trying to ban people from being able to identify as someone who wants to go to Inverness
04:22let's open it out a little bit go on highlights of the last decade in Scottish politics
04:27I think unfortunately it's got to be Brexit and the fact that we were dragged out kicking and screaming
04:33even though we voted to remain I mean we've now got less authority than a GP receptionist
04:45Is there any GP receptionist in?
04:48No they never answer
04:58What about you Mark?
04:59We're talking about the last 10 years
05:01What's been your highlight in the last decade of Scottish politics?
05:04Obviously I mean these are the nickel of years the past 10 years
05:08and I mean it's a very unique situation to have her as the leader and the head of the party to be her husband
05:16and normally with that kind of political force in other countries it would take something massive to bring that down
05:22you know it would take like something like a military takeover or a massive financial or sexual scandal
05:28and then you look at Scotland and what brought them down?
05:31A wee caravan
05:32It was a funny week remember when they dug up it was like the front garden was like an episode of Taggart
05:41It was incredible man
05:43What were they trying to look for files?
05:45How fit do you need to be to bury filing cabinets?
05:48It's like
05:49And there we go 10 years gone in the blink of an eye
05:54Yes the Scottish Lib Dems have also had three leaders since 2015
05:58Willy Rennie and the other two
06:06Yes Jay and Stuart you get two points for that
06:08Now over to you Elaine and Mark
06:10It's your turn
06:11What is the legendary Janey Godley joking about here?
06:16Do you know once he wrote on Twitter that his golf course had a dent in it
06:20and I said here's an idea instead of fixing it
06:22why don't you just grow the grass long and comb it out the top of it?
06:34Ah it's amazing to hear that
06:35We could not celebrate 10 years of breaking the news without making reference to the wonderful Janey Godley
06:41And yes I wonder who that was all about
06:45Mark who do you think Janey might have been talking about there?
06:48It's Donald Trump
06:50The most powerful man in the world
06:53Is the right answer
06:54Yes this is all about Janey's old pal Donald Trump
06:58Ever since he came down that golden escalator to announce he was running for president
07:02Everything about our world has changed
07:04Of course in 2019 Donald Trump met with Queen Elizabeth at Buckingham Palace
07:09A trip Trump described as tougher than expected
07:11As he had to spend the entire state visit
07:13Pretending that he'd never met Prince Andrew before
07:16The person I feel sorry for the most out of all of these past 10 years Melania
07:30Because she never expected this
07:34She thought hang in for a couple of years
07:36And the money's mine
07:38And she
07:39And she
07:41She can't be sitting there every night going
07:43Watching him undress like some kind of
07:46Some kind of soggy watsit
07:50And just
07:51How much
07:52Is this really worth it? Is it? Is it worth it anymore?
08:06Stuart Mitchell
08:07What about Donald Trump? How has he changed the world in which we live?
08:10Well as somebody that needs to get into America next month
08:14I think he's a legend
08:19You think I'm joking? I've been going through all my social media just deleting
08:28I put something up that 70% of people don't realise he's half Scottish
08:34So then I said well of course he's Scottish
08:36You know he loves junk food never off the golf course and his wife hates him
08:44Delete, delete, delete, delete
08:47Mark what about you? What for you has been the defining moment of the Trump presidencies?
08:52The quotes Diz
08:54They're eating the dogs
08:55That was a good one
08:56Eating the dogs Diz
08:58American dogs
09:01Nacho-awas
09:08My personal favourite is when asked about George Clooney criticising him
09:14He said and I quote
09:16George Clooney is a fake actor
09:19I don't think you understand the word acting Mr. President
09:29Like it's as if they were like remember last week when we explained to you how The Rock was able to be in Jumanji and Fast and the Furious
09:40Elaine what for you has been the defining moment of the Trump presidencies?
09:45I really enjoyed when he came to visit us a couple of times
09:51I enjoyed the protests
09:54I enjoyed seeing all the leaders and their partners together
09:57You know that all the awkwardness
09:59Because like you watch it and like Victoria Starmer holds on to Keir's hand
10:04Like she loves and supports him
10:06And then Melania holds Donald's hand like she's trying to stop a toddler running onto the road
10:11Stuart let's talk about the Donald what for you have been the defining moments or defining moment of the Trump presidencies?
10:23I think unfortunately again it's getting that unprecedented two state visits
10:28Isn't it? I mean the only time someone in their 70s comes back to the UK for America is to get scattered
10:36You're not getting it into America
10:52Delete, delete, delete
10:55Well then all of that well done for identifying Donald Trump as the topic in question
11:01And what a few years he has had
11:03In 2019 President Trump met Queen Elizabeth and broke protocol by walking ahead of her
11:09Her majesty said she didn't mind the president standing in front of her
11:12As at least she could hear him better when he was talking out of his arse
11:16Yes so that was ten years of the Scottish Government and surviving a decade of Donald Trump
11:28And at the end of that round well done the teams are all square
11:32Now so much of our news through the years has been about public opinion so we've asked our friends
11:44Susie McCabe and Raymond Mearns to send us their thoughts on two of the big stories of the decade
11:50So Lane and Mark you're going first this time
11:53What do you think Susie is on about here?
11:56Cameron's your initial Tory boy and me is your initial Tory woman
12:02And then it just goes mental
12:05People hiding in freezers or sinking the economy
12:08I don't feel I'm an authority to discuss how dishy Rishi was
12:13We then get Keir Starmer
12:15He's like a Poundland David Cameron
12:21Nae hodding back for Susie there
12:23Elaine I'll start with you
12:25What do you think Susie is talking about there?
12:27A load of prime ministers
12:32Yes
12:33That is the right answer that's bang on actually
12:35Well done for getting that correct Elaine
12:37Yes this is all about the procession of PMs that we've had from David Cameron to Sir Keir Starmer
12:43We've been so lucky here in breaking the news to have lived through six premierships in all
12:47So with Cameron to May then May to Johnson
12:49Johnson to Truss, Truss to Lettuce
12:52Lettuce
12:56Lettuce to Sunak and then to the current incumbent Sir Keir Starmer
12:59From that highlight reel do you have a favourite?
13:02I think Truss is probably most people's favourite
13:08Liz Truss is the walking incarnation of a fridge magnet that says
13:13Prosecco made me do it
13:15Six prime ministers in the decade that we've been on air
13:22Do you have a favourite amongst them?
13:24Ah so David Cameron, Theresa May, Boris Johnson, Liz Truss, Rissy Shinnack and Keir Starmer
13:33So not so much political giants as political dwarfs
13:37We've got sleazy, grumpy, dafty, dummy, smarmy and Tory
13:43What's been your standout moment in the last decade of Westminster politics?
13:49There have been a lot of unbelievable moments but finding out that two different women fancied Matt Hancock
13:56Mark, what about you? We're talking about the last ten years
14:05What's been your standout moment in the last decade of Westminster politics?
14:09Mine is when Boris Johnson married Carrie and people described their marriage as like a fairy tale
14:15And it was Shrek
14:22Oh Stuart Mitchell, Stuart what about you then? What's been your standout moment in the last decade of Westminster politics?
14:32I think living in a progressive country where Rishi Sunak was the first person of colour to be Prime Minister
14:38We should be proud of that
14:40But also on the flip side of that, he brought in that slogan stop the boats
14:45Which I thought was awful and you're thinking if you want to stop the boats just bring in Calmac
14:57Jane Stewart it's your turn now, what do you think Raymond Mearns is giving us his opinion on here?
15:03You don't need to compose a letter, write a CV, you can ask AI to say anything on your behalf and it'll do it for you
15:12People being anonymous, oh on social media, you should say it as yourself instead of being a troll
15:18That's the only thing I would change but generally I think it's a force for good
15:21Probably the use of technology over the last ten years I would say
15:25Bang on, great clues from Raymond and great answer from Stuart there and that is correct
15:29This is all about the amazing technological advances that have popped up in the last ten years
15:34From smarter smartphones to the relentless rise of AI
15:38We've also witnessed the rise of the Fitbit and the Apple Watch
15:42And a decade ago the only way your watch could tell you to do more exercise was if you couldn't do up the strap anymore
15:50I've got a smart watch and I have like I have a heart condition thing so
15:56My smart watch if my heart goes into arrhythmia it automatically will call an ambulance for me
16:03Which is amazing to get out of family gatherings
16:08Elaine what about you, technology is everywhere even more so than when we launched ten years ago
16:13Has technology improved our lives?
16:16I think, do you know what's sad is that it has the potential to improve our lives
16:21But unfortunately the tech bros are using technology for their toys
16:26You know like driverless cars and space rockets
16:30And do you know fair play to them with their IT skills
16:34Because the closest thing we have in Scotland to a tech bro is Michael Matheson
16:38If you remember him, he ran up an 11 grand data roaming charge on his iPad
16:48It blew the minds of his constituents in Falkirk
16:51Like 11 grand, he must have been FaceTiming a really big face
16:54And we're talking about technology Mark
17:08Of all the advancements that we've had, which one would you happily get rid of?
17:12The fact that everyone has a camera on their phone
17:15Mm
17:16Because you can't act like a tube anymore
17:18You know what I mean?
17:20I remember the last time I went to a nightclub was the garage
17:23Right?
17:24And it had a bouncy castle in it, right?
17:26And I was so drunk I couldn't get back off the bouncy castle
17:30Do you have any idea the bullying my children would get the next day if that happened now?
17:36Yeah
17:37And I was viral on YouTube
17:39Just...
17:40Fat Scotsman can't get off of the bouncy castle
17:44Seen your dad on the internet
17:48Didn't even have your shoes off
17:53Well obviously the chat is all about technology
17:56And how much we've moved on over the years
17:58Stuart, of all the advancements that we've had
18:01Which one would you happily get rid of?
18:03Social media
18:06I think it's just become a bit of a toxic pit, isn't it?
18:10Listening to my gran, she would say
18:12Just turn it off
18:14What you cannae see
18:16Cannae hurt you
18:18Which is ironic because she died of carbon monoxide poisoning
18:22That is correct, the evolution of technology is the right answer
18:34Two points go to Jay and Stuart
18:37This round is all about who's been in the news
18:47I will play you a clue to a mystery person
18:49All you have to do is tell me who it is
18:51So Jay and Stuart
18:53We've asked the man of a million voices, Jim Smith
18:57To do his finest impression of someone who's featured prominently in the last ten years
19:02Who do you think this is?
19:04Good luck
19:05There's a lot of things we don't know about it
19:07There's a lot of things we're learning about it
19:09But what we do know
19:11What we do know for sure
19:12It's a virus
19:13I actually got a new job
19:15I went from being a dentist
19:16To being a kind of national celebrity
19:19I was the guy
19:20I was in charge of everyone in Scotland basically
19:22Washing their hands
19:24To the tune of happy birthday
19:29Is it Jason Leach?
19:31Yes, well done for getting the right answer
19:32Scotland's former clinical director, Jason Leach
19:35A man who became the face and voice of the Scottish Government's reaction to the Covid crisis
19:40During lockdown many of us learnt things that we didn't know before
19:43Like how to use Zoom
19:45How to make banana bread
19:46And that if you make your grandad do enough laps of the garden
19:49You can get a swimming pool
19:59Jay, what are your abiding memories of the pandemic?
20:01Time just kind of passed differently during Covid
20:05Like I went for a bath for two days once
20:09I came out and I looked like Joe Biden
20:14Stuart, what are your abiding memories of the pandemic?
20:17It's weird things like
20:19Being told to hug people through a shower curtain
20:24Remember that?
20:25And then Jay asked me to leave her bathroom
20:27Elaine, where do you stand in this talking about lockdown?
20:36What are your abiding memories of the pandemic?
20:38I remember like when scientists were trying to work out where it came from
20:42And they were like, oh, they thought it came from the animals
20:44Do you remember they blamed pangolins?
20:46Mmm
20:47Pangolins
20:48And I don't know if you know any pangolins
20:51They've got like a really long snout and very short arms
20:56You can't really blame them for not being able to sneeze under their elbow
21:06Do you remember washing your shopping?
21:08Mmm
21:09I don't remember that
21:10I don't know, mental
21:11That was individually floor wiping slices of ham
21:13Before you let them in your eye
21:14It was a time where we had a chance to reset
21:19And maybe learn new things
21:21Jay, was this the case for you?
21:23Were there any skills that you picked up during lockdown?
21:26Erm, I was a new mum during lockdown
21:28And I was really worried about his socialisation and things like that
21:33So I thought I would do like your baby classes
21:36I thought I would do them online
21:38Erm, so the first thing that I signed up for was baby massage on Zoom
21:42And I threw myself into it 100%
21:45You know, I got candles, I lit incense
21:48Stuck a bit of Enya on
21:50Turns out my son
21:53Rubbish at massage
21:55Terrible
21:59I thought it was hot oil, he peed on me
22:03It was
22:04So obviously it was a strange old time for a lot of us
22:08But were there any skills that you picked up during lockdown?
22:12Elaine
22:13Falconry
22:24Erm, just stood in the street for a fortnight with an oven glove
22:29I'd believe that
22:39Right, Elaine and Mark, it's your turn now
22:43Who do you think Duncan Murray
22:48Is talking about here?
22:50Yeah, I guess I'm kind of surprised that people are still talking about him as much as they did
22:55But I guess he was probably pretty good at what he did
22:58I never really saw it, to be honest
23:01But I did think that once he'd kind of given up, batting things about
23:05That people would quickly forget about him
23:07Erm, is it Sir Andy Murray?
23:12That is the correct answer, yes
23:15And many thanks to a good friend of the show, the fantastic Chris Forbes there
23:19For putting us in touch with Duncan Murray
23:21Who genuinely is Sir Andy Murray's brother
23:24Yes, we were talking about Sir Andy Murray
23:26The past decade has seen incredible highs and lows for the tennis superstar
23:30From a second Wimbledon win to becoming world number one
23:33Then having to endure a long and painful comeback from hip surgery
23:36After a tearful farewell, he retired last year
23:39And briefly began coaching his old rival Novak Djokovic
23:43Sir Andy has played all around the world
23:46And has built up a really impressive collection of souvenir fridge magnets
23:50Which he keeps on his hip
23:52LAUGHTER
23:59He has, as you said, moved into coaching
24:01Which was a bit of a surprise
24:03Erm, cos with his charismatic demeanour and sizzling personality
24:07It was kind of assumed he'd become leader of the Labour Party
24:11Right, it's still happening, you never know
24:20Sir Andy Murray there, Mark
24:22What do you think? Scotland's greatest living sportsman?
24:24Yes, but let's be honest, it's a low bar
24:27Scotland's greatest ever sportsman
24:30It's like being named Miss Greggs
24:36Erm
24:37I fought hard for that title, Mark
24:39I think the good thing about Sir Andy Murray is
24:44Even at his happiest
24:48He still looks and talks like he's forgot to put the bins out
24:57Sir Andy Murray is of course the right answer
25:00And two points go to Elaine and Mark
25:03It's time now for our final quickfire round
25:12Which is all about deciphering the numbers in the news
25:14I will read out a headline from back in the day
25:17And all the teams must do is fill in the blanks
25:19So get ready teams, when we run out of time you'll hear this
25:22Stop!
25:23Des has another booking
25:24That was another one of a fantastic family of contributors
25:31Ashley's story there
25:33So we'll keep going until we hear Ashley again
25:36Fingers on buzzers
25:37And let's get started
25:39In 2016 it became illegal to do what in Scotland?
25:43Stuart
25:44Sing baby shark
25:48It's triggering him, it's triggering him
25:49In 2016 it became illegal to do what in Scotland?
25:53Elaine
25:54The West Highland way on a Segway
25:59In 2016 it became illegal to do what in Scotland?
26:01Jay
26:02Does it have a storm without a name?
26:06It's got a name all the storms now
26:08That's not quite the answer for what we're looking for here
26:11In 2016 it became illegal to do what in Scotland?
26:15Mark
26:16Consider the crankies as family entertainment
26:24The answer we were looking for was actually that in 2016
26:28It became illegal to smoke in a car which was carrying a child of under 18 here in Scotland
26:34Stop!
26:35Des has another booking
26:37That is our claxon
26:38Ashley has storied meaning it's all over
26:41And at the end of the quiz our winners of this 10 year special are
26:45Jay Lafferty and Stuart Mitchell
26:53Commiserations to our runners up
26:54Let's hear it for Mark Nelson and Elaine Malcolmson
26:58And we'll leave you with some breaking the news predictions for what the next 10 years may have in store
27:11Following the success of Nicola Sturgeon's memoir Frankly
27:14Humza Yusuf will release a book about his own time as First Minister
27:18Briefly
27:20Assisted dying laws will come into force meaning that legally for the first time in Scotland
27:25You can shove your granny off a bus
27:33The decade is broken
27:34I've been Des Clark
27:36Goodbye!
27:37Thank you
27:47You
27:56Where are you?
27:58жизнь
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