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Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Season 8 Episode 09- The Last Day (1)
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00:00Terri loves waking up. Terri loves waking up. Terri...
00:09Good morning, honey.
00:10Oh!
00:11What the hell are you doing?
00:12It's Holt and Amy's last day, so we're having a final heist.
00:14It's heist day!
00:15Couldn't you have just sent an email?
00:16Nope, this was the only way.
00:17I have to go alert the others.
00:18See you soon!
00:19It's heist day, Rosa!
00:21Ah!
00:22Whoops!
00:23Sorry about your mail.
00:24Gotta go!
00:25Nico, it's time for school.
00:26It's heist day, Charles!
00:27Where's Nicola?
00:28He's crying in the closet.
00:29Gotta go!
00:30Babe, what are you doing?
00:32I was hiding so I could surprise you, but if you're here, then who's in our shower?
00:37It's me, Captain Holt!
00:38It's heist day, Jake!
00:39Ohhhhhhhhhhh!
00:44For Captain Holt and Amy's last day, I've been granted permission to throw a final non-holiday-associated heist.
00:57But before we begin, I'd like to say a few words.
00:58These last eight years have been some of the best of my life. I will always cherish our time together. But not as much as I will cherish drowning you all in your own blood.
01:07What?
01:08It's the final heist!
01:09It's the final heist! And I will chop off your limbs and feed them to your young. Now quit stalling and introduce it!
01:23That's the spirit! Now, since there's never been an official two-time heist winner...
01:25I won three times.
01:26You won!
01:27You won!
01:28I won it best!
01:29Anywho, the point is, all past heists will be forgotten, and the only real winner that matters is this year's, as they shall be crowned the grand champion of the Nine-Nine.
01:40I wish I could join you all, but I want everyone to know I am not playing.
01:45Here we go again.
01:46It's true!
01:47I have my interview to be the captain of the Nine-Nine this afternoon.
01:50We've all seen this movie before. You pretend not to play and then at some key moment you come Kool-Aid manning through a brick wall and win the whole thing.
01:56I can't run through walls. I am a normal human person.
01:59You do have the Kool-Aid man's exact physique and personality, but he's not lying. Terry will not be heisting. I had him get a notarized letter that says he legally cannot win.
02:07You cheated on me with another notary?
02:08I mean, you're making it sound more intimate than it was. He just embossed something.
02:11Just embossed? What else are you going to tell me? Did you just put your thumbprint in his logbook?
02:17Both of them.
02:18Oh, my God.
02:19You know what? We'll talk about this later. Moving on. The six of us will vie for the crown.
02:22You mean seven. You forgot about me.
02:23You're not a part of this, Hitchcock. You're in Brazil.
02:25Or am I? Come and find out.
02:27Stop trying to trick us into visiting you in South America.
02:30I'm kind of the biggest ball in the sack here.
02:32Yeah, I'm pretty sure the locals wouldn't agree with that. Okay, we're going to start off in teams.
02:35I'm sure everyone could use the extra help since this year's heist was so spur of the moment and no one had time to plan anything too complicated.
02:42This year's plan is insanely complicated. Check it out.
02:45We will be selecting our partners with the help of a beloved 9-9 fixture, the big bag of loose teeth.
02:50What the hell? Are this human?
02:52It's evidence from a century of bar brawls. The story of New York is in this bag.
02:55The story of New York is gross.
02:57Yeah, Terry. We live in a hell mouth.
02:58Now, in this bag is a tooth with each of your initials on it.
03:00Who wants to root around inside and pick a partner?
03:03I'm not putting my hand in a bag of dirty old teeth.
03:05It's not dirt. It's old blood and dried phlegm.
03:08Who's it? No one? Are you really all that squeamish?
03:11Of course they're all that squeamish. It's part of my plan.
03:14I'll volunteer to reach into the bag so I can rig the selection process using this magnet.
03:19Pretty dope, right?
03:20I've also added metal fillings to certain teeth to ensure we get the pairings that we want.
03:23Holt will be playing with Norm Scully.
03:26His name is Norm. My name is Norm.
03:27We don't have to break into teams this year.
03:29You're lucky. Hitchcock's with me. So you're actually getting two partners.
03:32Three if you include my donkey friend. Say hello to the team, Donkey Scully.
03:35He named him after me. All right. Rosa Diaz, your partner will be the lovely Amy Santiago.
03:41Diaz, want to trade? Hitchcock, Scully, and the donkey. Three for one. I'll even throw in Cheddar.
03:44Why? So he can spy on me?
03:45Oh, please. Cheddar's not a spy. A board she's on us.
03:49So Cheddar has an earpiece?
03:50Wait. If Terry's out, that means...
03:52Oh, yeah. It's you and me, buddy.
03:55But I don't get it. Why don't you want us to be on the same team?
03:58Because, Amy, no one can know that we're working together.
04:00Smart. And Charles will never be suspicious because he'll be so excited to be your teammate.
04:04Yeah. That sweet little dumbass.
04:06For the final heist, we will all be competing for this.
04:09Is that my Medal of Valor from the very first heist?
04:12It is modeled after it, yes. But this is far more meaningful.
04:15I got mine for saving the life of Maya Angelou.
04:17Boring! This one says Grand Champion on it.
04:20And it's made out of gold, a non-gold alloy that should not be handled by women who are pregnant or nursing.
04:25Yours is garbage.
04:26And this golden vessel is from the precinct's old pneumatic tube system.
04:30It's been outfitted with a time release lock set for midnight.
04:32Whoever has the medal at that time will be the winner.
04:38Now, let the last day heist begin.
04:41It's an amazing plan, babe.
04:42Thank you very much.
04:43And everyone's gonna be so shocked when they find out the big surprise that I'm leaving the 9-9.
04:49What did you just say?
04:51What did you just say?
04:53Yeah.
04:57What do you mean you're leaving?
04:58I mean, that's what I wanna do.
05:00But only if you agree.
05:01I don't understand.
05:02Well, for weeks we've been trying to figure out how you can do your new job and still have us be there for Mac as much as we want.
05:08And I really think this is it.
05:10Yeah, but we have other options.
05:12Yeah.
05:13But I think this is the best one.
05:15Look, you know I was scared about having kids because I didn't want to be like my dad.
05:19But if I do this, I have a chance to be the exact opposite.
05:23And I don't want Mac to ever feel the way I felt growing up.
05:26And I get that.
05:27I really do.
05:29But you love being a detective.
05:33I know.
05:36It's all I ever wanted to be.
05:39Until now.
05:41Now, all I care about is what's best for our family.
05:44And, Ames, this is it.
05:46I mean, you've earned this incredible opportunity.
05:48You can't do it halfway.
05:49It's too important.
05:51And Mac's my little buddy.
05:53I wanna be at home with him.
05:54Are you sure?
05:59Because we could figure something else out.
06:01You know I would do anything for you.
06:05I would do anything for you, too.
06:07Will you run that half marathon?
06:08I'm never running the half marathon, Amy.
06:10You gotta stop asking.
06:12You really think you'll be happy?
06:14I don't want you to give up your dream job just for me.
06:17I have a new dream job now.
06:19Trust me, I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it.
06:22I love you.
06:25I love you, too.
06:36So...
06:38We're good?
06:39Yeah, we're good.
06:40Oh, thank God.
06:41I spent so much money on this plan.
06:42How much money, Jake?
06:43I mean, not an insane amount.
06:44Mac definitely has to go to State College now.
06:45But the important thing is we're on the same page.
06:48Let me tell you about the plan.
06:49So, the heist is actually going to be the perfect goodbye.
06:52What does that mean?
06:53Drama, glamour, shocking twists and turns, and the whole heist ends up with everyone at the Brooklyn Bridge.
06:58Is that meaningful? Have we ever even been there together as a squad?
07:00Uh, yeah.
07:04I'm not sure why we all looked so intense. We were just getting falafel.
07:07I mean, that falafel stand is really good.
07:09True that. Yeah.
07:10Anyways, once everyone arrives, there's going to be a huge fireworks display.
07:14Uh-uh. No. Remember when you almost blew off your thumb with that M-80? No fireworks.
07:19Okay, fine. But luckily, I have a surprise guest lined up.
07:21I reached out to Bruce Willis' people, and they said that he would, quote,
07:25not engage with something like that.
07:27So, I think it's going to work out.
07:29Okay. But why are we on different teams?
07:31Because in order for this to work, we absolutely have to win the first leg of the heist.
07:35It doubles our chances.
07:36Got it. So basically, we just have to keep Holt from getting that tube.
07:39Yes, indeed.
07:40I just realized we haven't been alone without Mac for like three months.
07:45Desk?
07:46Yeah. Let's do it.
07:47Enough talk.
07:48I'm getting that tube. Where'd it go?
07:50That tube has been whisked off to a secret location which only I know.
07:54And since I'm not competing, I've agreed to help out.
07:56I designed the first part of the heist to be a scavenger hunt through memorable moments from the last eight years.
08:02It's a trip down memory lane.
08:04Not a problem. I have the memory of a...
08:06the... thing with the big nose and ears.
08:09Prince Charles. No.
08:10I hit five clues, each leading to the next.
08:12And the last one gets you the tube.
08:14The first clue is under your chairs.
08:16Our fallen colleague missing still.
08:19His replacement fits the bill.
08:21I can think of one colleague who literally fell.
08:23We all watched it happen and then we ate his sweet candy inside.
08:25It's a vending machine!
08:27He's one.
08:28Theory? Probably incorrect.
08:29Damn it, Charles. Silent epiphany!
08:31It's a new machine. It's beautiful.
08:33His replacement fits the bill.
08:35Slots aren't labeled. How do we know it's pressed?
08:37All our vending machine code is usually a letter followed by a double-digit number.
08:40Jeffords is being sentimental.
08:41No!
08:43Holy .
08:44Got it.
08:45For the record, it was gonna be B99.
08:46Nobody cares. My thing was better.
08:47When a fellow needs a friend, it's what's on the inside that counts.
08:50Felonies. Like, felonies.
08:52Then on the inside, not like jail.
08:54Your cannibal friend?
08:56Charles.
08:57I highly doubt it's definitely that.
08:58For the record, I'm not a cannibal anymore.
09:01My new passion is needlepoint embroidery.
09:03Look at these.
09:05Two parrots in love.
09:08A turtle with a monocle and a top hat.
09:11Wow. It's so intricate. How do you...
09:13Okay, you got me. I was gonna eat you.
09:17That's still my thing.
09:19It's even affected my needlepoint.
09:21Look at this.
09:22Liver.
09:24A heart.
09:26Butt.
09:28An arm.
09:29Mmm.
09:30Oh, and there's this one that your delicious-looking lieutenant asked me to do.
09:35The third clue.
09:36Where the devil lies, you'll find your prize.
09:38Well, I know where the devil lies.
09:41Wunch's grave.
09:42Wow.
09:43Did Terry put up a balloon arch just for the heist?
09:45No, that was me. I come every week to install a fresh one.
09:48But enough chit-chat. Let's dig her up.
09:49I don't think we wanna do that.
09:50Why? Are you scared of what she'd look like?
09:52She's just a corpse with worms for her eyes.
09:54No different than when she was alive.
09:55Found it.
09:56Here.
09:57Don't tell me where the next clue is hidden.
09:59Tell me why.
10:00Tell me why.
10:01From that time Jake made the perp sing that song.
10:03Wait a minute. You guys know about that?
10:04Were any of you actually there?
10:05You've told us the story many times.
10:07And tried to recreate the moment on several occasions.
10:09Working at the car wash.
10:11No!
10:12Number two and five, you're off key.
10:14Number three, you're coming in way too early.
10:16What are we even doing here, guys?
10:18So which one do you think killed your family?
10:20Yeah, I gotta stop trying to recapture the magic of the original and move on.
10:23Anyways, back to the eighth annual heist.
10:26Oh no!
10:27Janitor Dan is erasing the clue!
10:29No!
10:30No!
10:31No!
10:32You're welcome.
10:33Damn it.
10:34I love that guy.
10:35He's so nice.
10:36Ruined the whole heist and we can't even be mad at him.
10:38Yeah, we gotta call Terry.
10:39Already on it.
10:40It's going straight to voicemail.
10:41No problem.
10:42I actually installed malware on his phone in case he started heisting.
10:44I have access to his microphone and speaker.
10:46So, Lieutenant Jeffords, can you handle the increased responsibility of being a captain?
10:50I'm glad you asked.
10:51I'm very responsible.
10:52Terry!
10:53Terry!
10:54Terry!
10:55It's Jake and the squad calling from your butt!
10:57Terry, Terry, Terry!
10:58I'm sorry, what's happening?
10:59I didn't hear anything.
11:00Terry, answer your butt!
11:01Answer your butt!
11:02Answer your butt!
11:03Don't ignore your butt, Terry!
11:05Terry, come on.
11:06It'll just take a second.
11:07We just need the final clue.
11:08A perfect world, a time of bliss, a loving and inspiring kiss.
11:11We can't hear you.
11:12Please speak directly into your butt.
11:14A perfect world, a time of bliss, a loving and inspiring kiss.
11:17Wonderful.
11:18Thank you, Terry.
11:19That is all.
11:20A loving and inspiring kiss.
11:21That's gotta be Jake and Amy.
11:22And we know it's not the last couple of years because they basically stopped kissing
11:25in front of us.
11:26All right.
11:27Wait a minute.
11:28A perfect world is a movie with Kevin Costner.
11:30Or should I say, Kevin Costner?
11:32It's a kiss between Holt and Kevin!
11:33The one that brought them back together out front in the rain!
11:35Oh!
11:36Well, looks like it's gonna be a sprint out of the elevator.
11:38This is unfortunate.
11:39I didn't want to have to reveal it this early.
11:41Reveal what this early?
11:42My most precious secret.
11:43My tattoo!
11:45What am I looking at?
11:48Is that what I think it is?
11:50Kevin's human head on Cheddar's dog body?
11:53I asked for a tattoo of Kevin and Cheddar.
11:55I don't know why he combined them.
11:57It's...
11:58It's...
11:59It's the ultimate distraction.
12:00No!
12:01No, wait!
12:02Sorry, but you're too late.
12:04The tube is mine.
12:05Wait, it's empty.
12:06Where'd it go?
12:07You looking for this?
12:10Surprise reveal.
12:11Gina?
12:17Well, well, well.
12:19You thought you could have a final heist without me.
12:21I texted you about it, like, 50 times.
12:23Yeah, but Jake, I'm important now.
12:24So if you want to reach me, you should call in to watch what happens live.
12:27Andy Cohen always knows where I am, okay?
12:29Anywho, I'm gonna keep this safe by driving it around in this hot little mama.
12:34You rented an armored truck?
12:35No, I bought it.
12:36It felt like it was great for the heist, and it's also just such a wonderful way to flex on you guys how rich I am now.
12:42I'm all about the salmions.
12:44Salmon.
12:45You don't know about the $10,000 bill?
12:46It has a picture of Salmon P. Chase on it.
12:48He's like, it's sad you were unaware of that.
12:50Oh my gosh, this is embarrassing for all you broke bums.
12:55You're gonna regret the day you fired me.
12:57You left of your own volition.
12:59We each spent meaningful time with you.
13:01We were incredibly supportive.
13:04Thank you for considering me.
13:05Again, I'm sorry about that interruption.
13:07I know the heist seems crazy.
13:09No, no, no.
13:10In a difficult job, it's vital to give people a chance to blow off some steam.
13:13That's just good leadership.
13:15Wow.
13:16I'm sure you'd be angry.
13:17I figured this interview was over.
13:21There's a price tag on this chair.
13:22Oh, well, I must have forgotten to take it off.
13:24It's a recent purchase.
13:25You should know, Jeffords.
13:26I want to keep you here.
13:27You want to keep me here?
13:29Yes.
13:30At the NYPD.
13:31Hmm.
13:35Wait a minute.
13:37There's no light bulb in this lamp.
13:41This computer isn't even plugged in.
13:43And there is no light coming from this window.
13:47Son of a bitch!
13:49This is a fake office!
13:50It's all part of the heist!
13:52Oh, Jake, what do we do now?
13:53Obviously, our plans have changed a little.
13:55But the perfect goodbye is still in our sights.
13:57Our objective is the same.
13:58Get that tube from Gina before Holt does.
14:00How do we break into an armored truck?
14:03What are you two doing?
14:04Oh, sorry.
14:05Mac's done with daycare, so we had the babysitter bring him by so we could say hi.
14:08Because we're going to be home late tonight, so...
14:10Yeah, just trying to strike that heist-life balance.
14:12Isn't that right, little Macadocious?
14:14Isn't that right, Macaroni?
14:15Yeah.
14:16Yeah!
14:17Huh.
14:18Well, when you're done, come find me.
14:19I've got to talk strategy.
14:20Got it.
14:21I can't believe she fell for it.
14:22So, I don't understand.
14:23You guys are paying me to babysit a fake baby?
14:25Yeah, we're just hoping people think it's real.
14:27Oh, cool.
14:28You think it's working?
14:29I do not.
14:30Okay, so this truck is a fortress on wheels, and we are not getting in there without an intricate plan.
14:35I was just going to jump on it as it drives by.
14:37Yeah.
14:38Okay.
14:39Dope.
14:42Here she comes.
14:43Robbie.
14:46That was crazy!
14:47Now, how are you going to get in?
14:49Right.
14:50Every woman should own an axe.
14:53What the hell just happened?
14:56So, here's the plan.
14:57I latch on to the bottom of the truck and unbolt the emergency exit hatch while it's still moving.
15:01Oh, but that's impossible.
15:03Unless you finally did it.
15:04I did!
15:05I bought us magnet suits!
15:06Oh!
15:07Check it out!
15:08No!
15:09Ha ha!
15:10So sweet.
15:11I got it off Ukrainian Etsy.
15:12They sell arts and crafts and tactical gear.
15:14It's a weird sight.
15:15Should we stick to the bottom of the truck?
15:16It's brilliant!
15:17But how do we get on?
15:18Through a manhole outside the precinct.
15:20We just have to get Gina to stop right on top of it.
15:22She might stop for a pedestrian.
15:23If we could figure out someone who is willing to step in front of a moving truck.
15:26Lucky for us, we know someone who will do anything for money.
15:29Hey, guys.
15:30Hey, Bill.
15:31We're up here?
15:32Yeah.
15:33The pandemic was really hard on my industry.
15:34Which is?
15:35Nursing home seductions.
15:36Oh, my God.
15:37Well, like I say every heist, that's enough, Bill!
15:40Do you mention up?
15:41She drove up.
15:42Are you okay?
15:43I'm good.
15:44I just gotta start getting these bolts off.
15:45Stupid Rosa.
15:46Think she could jump on my truck like Saul from the movie Saul?
15:47What the hell?
15:48We're stopping.
15:49Why are we stopping?
15:50Time to talk strategy.
15:51Let's be honest.
15:52We're not young men.
15:53Speak for yourself.
15:54My doctor said I'm in my twilight years.
15:55That means you're close to death.
15:56But it has such a pretty name.
15:57We're not going to force our way into an armored vehicle.
16:01We'll need to use our brains.
16:03In the end, Gina will just hand me the keys to that truck.
16:07You.
16:08Unusual activity on your social?
16:10You hacked me.
16:11I gave control to you.
16:12I gave control to you.
16:13Don't you wanna help me?
16:14Don't you wanna help me?
16:15Don't you?
16:16Don't you wanna help me?
16:17Don't you?
16:18Don't you wanna help me?
16:19Don't you wanna help me.
16:20Don't you wanna help me?
16:23social you hacked me i gave control of your entire social media portfolio to hitchcock and scully
16:28then you told them to embarrass me of course i told them to just be themselves
16:34my god i've agreed to host an instagram live for outback steakhouse
16:38they're inside the precinct if you want to go stop them you're a monster
16:44hey there ray ray nice outfit peralta is very attractive i'm making a pun i know that's a
16:50magnet suit because i sold it to you you're a casimir to the china your casimir and unfortunately
16:56for you i have a remote that can activate your vest and prevent you from controlling it no no no
17:02those are you don't you you stick around okay
17:08stick around was another magnet yeah i get it was a pun
17:14jake there you are no no come in here yeah the magnet suits have a couple of drawbacks
17:19oh they look cool though they look so cool probably still worth it
17:23i lost the tube i can't even stand on top of a fast moving truck that suddenly slams on its brakes
17:27what's wrong with you rosa it's okay here check this out i've been spying on holt for over a month
17:33he bought a drone which he's using to take the tube to the bark hyatt doggy daycare where it will
17:37be retrieved by none other than cheddar the dog who will take it to a secret hiding place we could grab
17:42it but the bark hyatt play area has live feed webcams we'll see if someone goes for the tube not if that
17:47someone is a dog i'm not dressing up like a dog i'll do it oh my god i was eavesdropping and when
17:52the dog thing came up i said bill this is your moment that's okay bill i already have someone
17:56on the inside meet biscuit the dog i adopted for the heist don't you have horrible allergies or was
18:01that just a long con i perpetrated to win this heist i don't think so you're right i am covered in
18:06hives anyway biscuit is also enrolled at the bark hyatt where he's been trained to steal the tube right
18:11from under cheddar's wet little nose then we visit biscuit and get the tube nice work i almost feel
18:17bad that i have to betray you what then don't you made me meet with a fake person just so you can
18:23trick me into sitting out the heist that interview was important it's my shot to become captain i bought
18:28fancy new suspenders for this with gold thread i can't return them because i've already stressed them
18:33out with my bags they've been backstretched slow down edward williams is not a fake then why was he
18:39in a fake office oh terry he just relocated to make room for the new reform unit on the sixth floor
18:45it's a temporary space lieutenant what did you do i may have gotten a little heisty i'm supposed to
18:55believe this is your family and not the picture that came with the frame oh and this is a real war
19:04we have to go fix this your career is more important than a game scully you're in charge
19:08of the heist until i get back keep an eye on that tube yes it's got this our chance to show everyone
19:12what we're made of oh it's you donkey scully go find hitchcock yeah i rigged it that's what you get
19:20for being a nerd and wear seatbelts cool people die gruesome preventable deaths oh here's my ride
19:28pimento's here hi pimento amy it has been too long when are you gonna let me meet my godson he's not
19:35your godson okay but when you die i am going to raise him all right let's go yeah i gotta drop you
19:40off and then i have a plane to catch what where are you going uh i took this job protecting a diamond
19:44mine in northern canada that's being terrorized by a pack of wolves apparently it's illegal to shoot
19:50them so i have to tear them apart limb from limb how long are you going for as long as it takes me
19:54to find the alpha kill it take control of the pack and then completely decimate the diamond mine
20:02total double cross all right let's ride bye amy wait robot no no you can't leave me here
20:13or was this exactly the plan
20:14it's all part of the perfect goodbye everyone should think they have the winning tube but then
20:20at midnight when the time locks release they'll realize they actually just have a sentimental gift
20:24for me look what i got home it's the first tie i bought after he started making me wear them and i'm
20:28getting rosa a travel board game so she knows that we're going to keep doing game night even though
20:31the nine nine's breaking apart oh and i'm also getting everyone airpods oh i'd lose those feels like
20:37it cheapens the sentiment plus everyone already has headphones okay fine no airpods so in order for this to
20:41work we have to get to the golden tube before holt does and swap it out for the one with the tie
20:45inside hey there ray ray then with rosa believing that holt has the real one you just need to come
20:52up with a fake heist and then find a way to slip her the dummy tube it went perfectly same here sort
20:57of we came back to change because we had to ditch our magnet suits in the armored car it was fine for
21:00me charles went commando for some reason anyway he's getting dressed now we just have to figure out
21:04a way to slip him his gift and then we're all set the perfect goodbye is so close i can taste it
21:09yum yum yum bill you can't sneak up on people like that i gotta go jake hey what's up you okay
21:16are you quitting the nine nine what why would you run this letter of resignation in your locker you're
21:22not gonna tell me does your friendship mean nothing to you charles i can explain don't bother what no
21:28wait charles wait a second charles come back it seems like someone's in the market for a new best
21:35friend bill i swear to god we look exactly the same
21:43from you long not a doctor
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