- 1 day ago
Step back into the zany, groovy world of Archie’s Funhouse — a beloved slice of late-‘80s UK VHS nostalgia! 📼 This Public Domain gem features Archie Andrews and the gang in fun, fast-paced sketches, music, and laughs straight from the original 1989 UK VHS release. 🎸📺
Perfect for fans of vintage cartoons, retro kids’ shows, and Saturday morning vibes! 🥳
Archie's Funhouse,Public Domain cartoon,1989 UK VHS,Archie Andrews,classic cartoon,retro cartoon,vintage kids show,Funhouse cartoon,Archie cartoon,nostalgic animation,80s cartoon,Sabrina the Teenage Witch,Jughead Jones,Riverdale gang,free cartoon
Perfect for fans of vintage cartoons, retro kids’ shows, and Saturday morning vibes! 🥳
Archie's Funhouse,Public Domain cartoon,1989 UK VHS,Archie Andrews,classic cartoon,retro cartoon,vintage kids show,Funhouse cartoon,Archie cartoon,nostalgic animation,80s cartoon,Sabrina the Teenage Witch,Jughead Jones,Riverdale gang,free cartoon
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FunTranscript
01:30Come on in!
01:32Archie's Giant Cube Rocks gonna make you dance and play.
01:39Come on, clap your hands.
01:42Come on, clap your hands.
01:44Come on in, we've got some to sing ya.
01:49Archie's Fun House.
01:55Welcome to Archie's Fun House!
01:58And now, let's get the show on the road.
02:18Very funny, Reggie.
02:23I thought so.
02:26As I was saying...
02:28Hold it, Arch.
02:30Now what?
02:31Your makeup is a mess.
02:33Makeup!
02:38Now that's what I call a blank expression.
02:44Okay, gang.
02:45And now we're gonna have a ball.
02:47As I started to say, gang, our show today is real cool.
03:04Hey, Jughead, what's with the eyes?
03:06Well, Archie...
03:08Ooh, Juggy!
03:10Ah, big handball.
03:12Hold this to me, will ya, Arch?
03:14And now...
03:21Archie, hold still!
03:26Sorry.
03:28Now?
03:29Eureka, I've got it.
03:31My latest invention.
03:33What is it?
03:34I haven't got a name for it yet,
03:36but just wait until you see this.
03:38Well, whatever it was, it got the show started with a bang.
03:46And speaking of big noises, here's Big Ethel.
03:56Yee-haw, yee-haw, arriba, on the way, yee-haw, I'm about to snag Juggie just like a gaucho with the old South American bolo trick, on the way, on the way.
04:08Boy, it's sure great to get away from Ethel. I got the whole leg to myself.
04:20Oh, yo-hoo, Juggie!
04:22Oh, no!
04:25You might as well give up, Juggie. You can't get away from the old rocket-powered speed skater.
04:32Well, I guess this calls for secret weapon number 13.
04:38Oh, that burglar trick. There's my tiger. Now, to slink up the ladder ever so quietly, lift open the window, and then...
04:50Don't look so down, Ethel. Here's something that'll pick you up.
04:58Thunderbolt Theater! Quit drippy gags!
05:03Why are you hanging that painting?
05:06Because I couldn't find the artist.
05:08Fire at will!
05:12You won't will get mad.
05:14What?
05:17What's another name for an iceberg?
05:19A permanent wave.
05:21The zone was all wet.
05:23Hear about the mixed-up telephone operator?
05:26Yeah! She had a lot of hang-ups!
05:29How about that for a hotline?
05:34Miss Grumpy, I do hope I look as good as you when I'm your age.
05:38You did!
05:40Hold that pose.
05:42I want to forget you two just as you are.
05:48Hey, Arch. I'll give you ten bucks to do all my worrying.
05:51Okay! Where's your ten bucks?
05:54That's the first thing you have to worry about.
05:58How do you like my new outfit?
06:00It was made in Paris.
06:01Oh? Did you swim over in it?
06:03Too bad that joke didn't come over.
06:11How much are your four-dollar shoes?
06:13Two dollars apiece.
06:16Betty, how would you describe a sailor?
06:19A wolf in ship's clothing.
06:23You called?
06:24Hey, I just got an idea.
06:26Oh, beginner's luck, huh?
06:31Did you take a bath?
06:33Why? Is one missing?
06:37That wasn't very funny, but it's clean.
06:42Hey, Reggie, you got a quarter for a hamburger?
06:45Yeah, but first let me see the hamburger.
06:47Well, if pickpocket gets out of Reggie, there's practice.
06:52Hey, you say your name is Captain... what?
06:56What are you doing, Juggy?
06:58I'm forming a new rock group.
07:00Don't do it.
07:02A one and a two and a one.
07:05Hey, hey, don't tell anybody, but if you want to look thin,
07:08hang around very large buildings.
07:14Reggie has that, um, uh, that certain nothing.
07:22The whole world's not against you, Ethel.
07:24America, yes, but not the whole world.
07:27The whole world.
07:30Uh, what are you doing under that cloud?
07:32This whole show is under a cloud.
07:35Seriously?
07:37Science sure has made magnificent strides.
07:40Yes, now it's only 50 years behind comic books.
07:45Seriously?
07:46Oh, hey, this is pause for pie break.
07:51Jughead, you'd get lots more dates if you were a little neater.
07:55It isn't worth it, Arch.
07:56You comb your hair, wash your face, change your socks,
07:59then three weeks later, you have to do it all over again.
08:03No!
08:06Rose, what's the idea?
08:08Yeah, well, you told me to put on a Finnish coat.
08:13This has got to be the end.
08:19Have we got time for the performing seals?
08:28Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to witness
08:31one of the world's greatest trapeze acts,
08:34the Flying Flippers.
08:37On your left, Reggie the Rocket,
08:38and on your right, the Moose.
08:41Nope, the split-second timing,
08:43necessary for the success of this greatest of all,
08:46Trapeze Acts.
08:47As Reggie builds up his momentum, the tension mounts.
08:51Coming out of the final swing,
08:52he flies into his triple flip.
08:55Moose waits till the final instant
08:56and now makes his leap.
09:01Reggie and Moose will be back in a little while.
09:10Meantime, let's look in on Betty.
09:14Dear diary, Archie is really beginning to fall for me in a big way.
09:18Today at the library, he dropped in on me unexpectedly.
09:24Dear diary, he asked me if I'd like to go swimming.
09:27Uh, Betty, uh, why didn't you go jump in a lake?
09:31Good afternoon, dear diary,
09:32I overheard Archie talking about me in the hole.
09:36He told Reggie I send shivers up and down his spine.
09:41Sometimes Betty gives me the creeps.
09:44Of course, Reggie has a crush on me, too.
09:47He told Archie that he'd like to get me off by myself.
09:49Yeah, I wish she'd get lost.
09:52Until next time, diary, I remain sincerely yours, Betty.
10:00And now, here's the star of our show, the Giant Jute Box.
10:05Yeah!
10:12Juggie, have you ever seen a string orchestra?
10:15No, but I've seen a rubber band.
10:20Oh, that was a snappy one.
10:25What do you call our musical beat?
10:28A humbug.
10:32Oops.
10:33Gosh, I never could carry a tune.
10:43What are you doing?
10:46I'm breaking into song.
10:48You wouldn't have to break in if you had the right key.
10:54Why are you strumming that fish?
10:57Because I'm playing the scale three.
10:59Juggie, how do you stand in your music class?
11:03In the corner.
11:05Shall we?
11:06Don't.
11:08Richie, you sighing in the girls' glee club?
11:11Yeah, but they put me in the boys' section and took all the glee out of it.
11:15My father gave me a hundred dollars for music lessons.
11:16Oh, really? What did you do with the money?
11:17All right, gang, get yourself set, tap those beats, tune up those ears.
11:18We're traveling along to our first song, that new jukebox hit, Love Vibrations.
11:19That new jukebox hit, Love Vibrations.
11:20That new jukebox hit, Love Vibrations.
11:21All right, gang, get yourself set, tap those beats, tune up those ears, we're traveling along
11:26to our first song, that new jukebox hit, Love Vibrations.
11:33All right, gang, get yourself set, tap those beats, tune up those ears, we're traveling along
11:39to our first song, that new jukebox hit, Love Vibrations.
11:42They're traveling along to our first song, that new jukebox hit, Love Vibrations.
12:03Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
12:06Every time I see you. I feel it start. Those little vibrations beating up my heart.
12:21And then it happens. You say hello. And then my head feels funny.
12:32Don't you know
12:34Oh honey
12:36I feel those love vibrations
12:40Every time we meet
12:43Those crazy love vibrations
12:47Make me weak
12:49Yeah baby
12:51I feel those love vibrations
12:54Happens every time
12:57I see you and your loving
13:02Eyes meet mine
13:04I get that feeling
13:08Like my heart just fell
13:12Oh don't you know it honey
13:17Can't you tell
13:19Wish I could ask you
13:24I wish I knew
13:27Do you ever get those love vibrations
13:33To you
13:34Oh honey
13:36I feel those love vibrations
13:39Every time we meet
13:42Those crazy love vibrations
13:47Make me weak
13:49Yeah baby
13:51I feel those love vibrations
13:54You know what has ten legs and sings?
14:09Hey moose
14:14You know what's hard to beat?
14:15I give up
14:17Do what?
14:20A drum with a hole in it
14:21It's hard to beat
14:27A record with a hole in it too
14:29And now
14:34Who are you?
14:36Just a little humbug
14:38Hey you think falling in love is fun?
14:45Sure if you can fall into a girl's arms
14:47Without falling into her hands
14:48Well that's what the next giant jukebox hit song is all about
14:53It's called falling in love is fun
14:56Falling in love is a funny thing
15:12Makes you laugh and it makes you sing
15:15Think of the fun you're missing every day
15:20Falling in love is fun
15:24And I already know
15:25Falling in love is fun
15:27Cause I love you so
15:28Falling in love is fun
15:30For everyone
15:32Baby
15:34Let's fall in love
15:37Honey
15:37Let's fall in love
15:40Yeah
15:41Let's fall in love
15:43Right away
15:45Yeah
15:46Let's fall in love
15:50Baby
15:50Let's fall in love
15:53Let's fall in love
15:56Right away
15:58Falling in love is an aeroplane
16:03As you fly high above the rain
16:06Think of the fun you're missing every day
16:11Falling in love is fun
16:15And I know
16:16Falling in love is fun
16:18Cause I love you so
16:19Falling in love is fun
16:20Falling in love of everyone
16:22Yeah
16:23Falling in love is fun
16:25Baby
16:26Come on
16:27Falling in love
16:28Baby
16:29Let's fall in love
16:32Let's fall in love
16:34Right away
16:36Hey
16:38Let's fall in love
16:40Honey
16:41Let's fall in love
16:45Let's fire in love, lights away
16:49You know who lets things slide?
17:09Yeah, a trombone player!
17:15I don't think Ethel has such a big mouth.
17:21Oh, no? Then how come she can sing duets by herself?
17:26La-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la!
17:36What do you call that?
17:38The Three Bates Pit!
17:40Hey, you know why a chicken can't keep a beat?
17:47No, why?
17:48Because his drum sticks!
17:50Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha!
18:00Oh, now that's what I call foul singing!
18:03Hey! I'm movin' my feet and gettin' with a beat!
18:11For our next new jukebox hit!
18:13I'm just a puppet on a string!
18:19I'm just a puppet on a string!
18:29I'm just your puppet on a string
18:31And you can make me dance the same!
18:33Oh, baby, don't you understand!
18:35I'm just a puppet on a string!
18:37And you can make me dance the same!
18:39Oh, baby, don't you understand!
18:41I'm just a plaything in your hands!
18:43Well, first you tell me that you're mine!
18:45Oh, baby, go and change your mind!
18:47Well, first you tell me that you're mine!
18:49Well, baby, go and change your mind!
18:53You keep me hangin' all the time!
18:57Well, all you call is to be mad!
19:01Pull her straight, I'm a fool for you!
19:05I'll do anything that you want me to do!
19:09Pull her straight, make my own side down!
19:13Honey, let me get back on the ground!
19:17I'm just your puppet on a string!
19:21And you can make me dance the same!
19:25Oh, baby, don't you understand!
19:29I'm just a plaything in your hands!
19:33Somehow I've got to get away!
19:35Cause all you want to do is pay!
19:39Well, if you see that you're mine!
19:43I'll be your puppet all the time!
19:47Pull her straight, I'm a fool for you!
19:51I'll do anything that you want me to do!
19:55Pull her straight, make my own side down!
19:59Honey, let me get back on the ground!
20:03Pull her straight, I'm a fool for you!
20:06I'll do anything that you want me to do!
20:10Pull her straight, make my own side down!
20:14Honey, let me get back on the ground!
20:18Pull her straight, I'm a fool for you!
20:22I'll do anything that you want me to do!
20:26Wait.
20:38Welcome to Alexi's Funhouse!
20:42Featuring the giant toot box.
20:56And here's Reggie, a guy with a really big head.
21:01What? Huh?
21:02Hey, Jughead, you're covering up the cue card.
21:05Whoops.
21:06A really big head start towards stardom.
21:12Here I am, you lucky people.
21:17Come on, gang, don't be shy.
21:20Let's hear it for me.
21:22And give me all you got.
21:26Reggie'll be back a little later.
21:28Meanwhile, right here on our stage,
21:3115,000 Eskimo lumberjacks will chop down an entire forest.
21:35Archie.
21:39Uh, sorry, kids.
21:40The Eskimos couldn't make it.
21:42But here's somebody who always makes it.
21:45Mr. Weatherby.
21:48And today, I shall demonstrate the proper manner to fell a tree.
21:53The most important thing is...
21:57Thanks for showing us the ropes, Mr. Weatherby.
22:00And now...
22:00Uh, gee, Arch, it's gonna be tough sledding on the show today.
22:06How come?
22:07No snow.
22:14Next on the show...
22:16And now, here he is, back again...
22:21Reggie!
22:28Sorry, Reggie, but we're out of time.
22:29Oh, uh, hi.
22:38Um, Big Apple here on how to catch a man.
22:41Um, oh, there goes my man, Jughead, on his bicycle.
22:44Hmm, he's got a pretty good head start.
22:48Well, this calls for secret weapon number 38.
22:50The old giant slingshot trick.
22:53And then, of course, there's secret weapon number 3.
23:00The old platform attached to a pulley on a school rooftop trick.
23:03When Juggy spots those hamburgers,
23:05he'll come running out of the building and onto the platform.
23:08And then I'll pull him up to the rooftop.
23:11Oh, there's the dear boy now.
23:13Come to me, my precious.
23:17Well, however, you may prefer secret weapon number 47.
23:21The old skydiving into the backyard trick.
23:28Now, the important thing is to time this jump just right.
23:32Then count 10 and pull the ripcord.
23:351, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9...
23:42A lot of warning about this trick.
23:45Don't count on it too much.
23:51Now, for a couple of dillies.
24:01Dilly, dilly!
24:06Juggie, what smells best in the bakery?
24:09Your nose.
24:10Sometimes, Jughead is a real crumb.
24:18Who's there?
24:19Have it.
24:20Have it who?
24:21Have a little kiss, baby.
24:22Now, that's a switch.
24:28Someone giving the pain to Reggie.
24:35If your father made $100 a week and gave your mother half, what would she have?
24:40A fainting spell.
24:42Hey, what has one horn and gives milk?
24:47Mmm, a milk truck.
24:55If you guess how many pies I got, I'll give you both of them.
24:59Oh, you dummy.
25:00Two.
25:01Now, let me have them.
25:01Don't go away.
25:08The show's just beginning to go downhill.
25:12Reggie, I'd like a gentleman.
25:14Sorry, I don't do imitations.
25:18I'd like to rock Reggie to sleep with real rocks.
25:24Moose, do you know what a messy sculptor is?
25:28Sure, a dirty chiseler.
25:32That was a cutting remark.
25:35What animal has two hoops and is found at the North Pole?
25:39A lost camel.
25:42That joke is a lost cause.
25:45Admit it, I got a lot going for me.
25:48I think it all went.
25:51That joke is hard on the stomach.
25:54One thing about Miss Grundy, she has a fine carriage.
25:57And the face to pull it.
26:01Mmm, I resent that.
26:08Do you know why fish are so smart?
26:12They go around in school.
26:15Well, that joke didn't stop the show, but it sure slowed it down.
26:20I invented this powerful glue, but I can't use it.
26:23Why not?
26:24I can't get the top off the bottle.
26:29How would you like your hair cut?
26:31Just take a little off around the shoulders.
26:37Is this cab engaged?
26:39No, but it is going steady.
26:42Miss Grundy's wife is so dull.
26:45She looks forward to dental appointments.
26:46Sorry, boys.
26:57We don't have time for the drill team.
26:59Let's look over Betty's shoulder and see what she's writing in her diary.
27:13Dear diary, yesterday I met Archie at the roller rink.
27:16I was wearing my new skating outfit and Archie really flicked over me.
27:20Hi, Archie.
27:21A little while later, diary, he told me I'd make a wonderful catch.
27:30Betty, why don't you go chase yourself?
27:34And today, diary, Archie and I went sailing on Riverdale Lake.
27:37It was a beautiful day for boating, and Archie loved the picnic lunch I made so much
27:42that he couldn't find words to express his feelings.
27:45Oh!
27:46Of course, Archie isn't the only one who's crazy about me.
27:50Reggie thinks I'm out of sight.
27:52You know, Archie, I never could see Betty.
27:54Well, Archie's the one who really gets me up in the clouds.
27:57Yeah, I wish he'd go fly a kite.
28:00Until next time, diary, I remain truthfully yours, Betty.
28:07And here's our boy inventor, Delfin Dory Lee!
28:12I am about to demonstrate my latest invention,
28:17the Dilton Dory Lee fully automated steam-powered backscratcher.
28:22I throw the computerized instant snowball switch,
28:25the snowy sphere is discharged to an open window,
28:28knocks off a grumpy old man's hat.
28:30In a huff, the old man shakes his walking stick so hard
28:33that the handle flies off and sails into a schoolyard,
28:36hitting a teeter-totter,
28:38propelling a corn fritter out of a lunchbox,
28:40where a passing spiral picks it off in mid-air.
28:43However, the fritter is too heavy for the bird to carry,
28:46so he drops it down the chimney.
28:48The fritter falls into the fire,
28:49and as it heats, the corn in it packs
28:51to one of the fair holes,
28:52landing on a scale which trips,
28:54licking on a switch of a vibrator
28:56which shakes off a bottle of soda.
28:58The pressure pops the cork,
29:00the cork hits the end of the shade,
29:01which rolls up, allowing the sun rays
29:03to be focused by a lens onto the fuse of the rocket.
29:07The rocket takes off, striking a wooden Indian,
29:09hailing a cigar out of his fist,
29:11hitting the can.
29:12The cuckoo strikes the hammer,
29:14which drives a nail that pops the balloon,
29:16moving a feather,
29:16which smashes a ball down a ramp,
29:18striking a lever,
29:19which starts a crane,
29:20which slowly lowers a sleeping dog
29:22with a large hand attached to his tail.
29:24The dog sniffs the bone,
29:25dreams about eating,
29:26and writes his tail stopping
29:28in perfect position
29:29to take care of Mr. Weatherby's itch.
29:32Oh, wonderful, Delton.
29:35How did you ever think of this?
29:37Oh, no problem.
29:38I simply started from scratch.
29:45And now, here's the star of our show,
29:49the giant jukebox!
29:56There, now, any more requests?
29:58Yeah, try this on your piano.
30:04They tell me you love music, Juggie.
30:07Yeah, but that's okay.
30:09Go on playing anyways.
30:14La la la la.
30:17When I'm singing,
30:18you can hear them cheering across the street.
30:20Why?
30:21Who's singing across the street?
30:23Hey, Moose,
30:28what's your ruler for?
30:29I want to see how long
30:31I've been practicing.
30:36Lolly, lolly.
30:39I just love to stay in the bathtub.
30:41Get the trouble.
30:42You don't get enough practice.
30:44Archie, what would you do
30:52if two leopards, three lions,
30:54and two tigers were chasing you?
30:56I'd ask the man to stop the merry-go-round
30:58and I'd get off.
30:59And then I'd be ready to hear
31:00our giant jukebox hit
31:02the ways I love you.
31:04Let me count all the ways I love you
31:22And I'll be counting for a long, long time
31:25Let me count all the ways I need you
31:29And I'll be counting to a snowstorm
31:32I love you when you're walking
31:34Love you when you're talking
31:35Love you everything you do
31:38Here's a naked wonder
31:41My heart starts to thunder
31:42When I'm holding you
31:45Let me count all the ways I love you
31:49And I'll be counting for a long, long time
31:52Let me count all the ways I need you
31:56And I'll be counting to the sun you'll shine
31:59I love you when you're home
32:01I love you when you're lonely
32:01Love you when you're lonely
32:03And I miss you when you're lonely
32:05I need you every hour
32:08I need you like a flower
32:09That leaves the sun in the rain
32:12Let me count all the ways I love you
32:16And I'll be counting for a long, long time
32:19Let me count all the ways I need you
32:23And I'll be counting to the sun you'll shine
32:26Yeah!
32:42Let me count all the ways I love you
32:57And I'll be counting for a long, long time
33:00Let me count all the ways I need you
33:03And I'll be counting to the sun you'll shine
33:06Let me count all the ways I need you
33:10All right, Mipa
33:26You think my voice will open doors?
33:28No, but it'll close a lot of windows
33:31What excuse do you have for not practicing?
33:37All of them
33:39You think my rendition needs life?
33:47No, 30 days would be enough
33:49Let's hear another few bars
33:53Get it?
33:59Listen, Chuggy
34:00I'm gonna sing you a love song
34:02Yeah, what did I ever do to you?
34:04Ooh, no!
34:08Now listen to this for a real giant jukebox hit
34:12It's called Pug Vibrations!
34:15Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do
34:45And then it happens. You say hello. And then my head feels funny, don't you know? Oh, honey, I feel those love vibrations every time we meet.
35:07Those crazy love vibrations make me weep. Yeah, baby, I feel those love vibrations. Happens every time. I see you and your loving eyes be mine.
35:28I get that feeling. Let my heart just spin. Oh, don't you know it, honey? Can't you tell?
35:45Wish I could ask you. I wish I knew. Did you ever get those love vibrations too?
35:58Oh, honey, I feel those love vibrations every time we meet. Those crazy love vibrations make me weep. Yeah, baby, I feel those love vibrations.
36:23The legs on this bench are too short.
36:26Yeah, well, gee, they're long enough to reach the floor.
36:34How do you like my guitar solo?
36:36Not bad, but I still prefer music.
36:38The audience would have loved your performance except for two things.
36:48Uh, what's that?
36:49Their ears.
36:51They're all right.
36:52They're all right.
36:52They're all right.
36:53They're all right.
36:53They're all right.
36:55Every day we breathe oxygen.
36:58What do we breathe at night?
37:00Uh, nitrogen.
37:02Do you know the name of the giant jukebox song coming up?
37:07You got me.
37:07It's called The Nothing Song.
37:37Everybody ought to have a laughing song, a song to sing whenever things go wrong.
37:44Here's a little song everybody knows, I bet you know the way it goes.
37:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, everybody laugh and sing along.
37:57Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, sing it on laughing song.
38:03Sing it in the morning when it's time to rise.
38:08Sing it late at night before you close your eyes.
38:11Do it all alone or do it with your friends over and over again.
38:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, everybody laugh and sing along.
38:24Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, sing it on laughing song.
38:30So if you're all alone and you're feeling blue, here's the only thing that you have to do.
38:37Stand up on your head like a funny clown and sing it upside down.
38:43Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, everybody laugh and sing along.
38:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, everybody's tapping song.
38:56Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, everybody laugh and sing along.
39:03Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, sing it on laughing song.
39:09Welcome to Archie's Funhouse!
39:28Featuring the giant Toothbox!
39:39Presenting the Funhouse Rodeo!
39:44And to start things off, here's that rootin' tootin' trick ridin' Bronc Buster, Wranglin' Ruggie!
39:53Come on, you dumb nag!
40:02Old Wrangler will be back, but meanwhile, back at the ranch...
40:06I'm a warnin' ya, Ethel Gal, leave-a-me be!
40:11Aw, Juggy, I just wanna know if that's a real ten-gallon hat!
40:15It sure is!
40:23Now, here he is again, that trick ridin' cowpoke, Wranglin' Ruggie!
40:29Now, presenting that rope-twirlin' champion from south of the Pecos, Texas Moose!
40:46How about that, gang?
40:48Now, for the big finale!
41:00Back again to round up an entire herd of buffalo, while straddlin' two wild horses right here on our stage, Wranglin' Ruggie!
41:10Sorry, gang, we don't have time for the buffalo herd, but you ain't heard nothin' yet!
41:19Here she is! Big Ethel!
41:22Where, oh, where is my Juggy boy?
41:25Um, I gotta know my sights now!
41:28This calls for secret weapon number 440869327, um, dash three!
41:33The old Volster Squadron sky-grabber trip!
41:39Now to taxi-dum, all the while gathering speed, so I can take off to shore ever upward, gaining the proper altitude to smooth-
41:45Uh, well then of course, uh, there's always the secret weapon number 3!
41:54The old hidden cannon in the trench trick!
41:57Hmm, now, let's see, uh, Juggy is just walking into range!
42:02Now, to propel myself into his loving arms!
42:05I see we're on a timer, I'd-I'd show you another bang-up way to catch you, man!
42:17The Marvel Theater! With lightning-fast dripping gags!
42:24Enjoy your drip!
42:30Hey, Pop, what do you get with the meatloaf?
42:32Heartburn!
42:35Hmm, no, I've changed my mind!
42:38Good! Does the new one work any better?
42:44Now, have you got it straight, Moose?
42:46Twelve inches is one foot!
42:48Uh, right all that!
42:51I suffer from insomnia!
42:53Well, why don't you go home and sleep at all?
42:57And now, the Thunderbolt Symphony!
43:05Mr. Weatherby, Jughead has been very naughty today!
43:08I wish you'd speak to him!
43:10Uh, very well!
43:12Hello, Jughead!
43:14Oh, that took a lot of crust!
43:20Knock, knock!
43:21Uh, uh, who's there?
43:23Arch!
43:24Arch who?
43:25Gesundheit!
43:28Hey, Arch, that's good!
43:30I'll try it on Reggie!
43:32Uh, knock, knock!
43:34Who's there?
43:35Arch!
43:36Arch who?
43:37Oh, Archie Andrews!
43:39Ha-ha!
43:42What?!
43:43That's gotta be the worst!
43:49Moose, you talk like a dumbbell!
43:51Well, I gotta talk so you can understand me!
43:55It says here that kisses speak the language of love!
43:59Well, why don't we talk things over?
44:02This bathtub all through!
44:04I took the ring away, and we're all washed up!
44:09He-he-he-he!
44:10So is that joke!
44:11I admire your eyes!
44:13What do you admire about me?
44:14Your good taste, naturally!
44:16She had three telephones installed!
44:19Ooh, how come?
44:21So we could hang up on more people!
44:25And now, we are going to study law!
44:27Moose, define the word illegal!
44:30Uh, illegal is a sick bird!
44:35Oh, the pain!
44:37And now, by popular demand, the Thunderbolt Symphony!
44:45Great opening, wasn't it?
44:47Do you know what my wife does when I put my stockings on backwards?
44:52Uh, no!
44:53What?
44:54She turns the hose on me!
44:57Get it?
44:58Turn the hose on me!
45:05Hey, watch me pull a good one on Moose!
45:07Hey, Moose!
45:08Uh, yeah?
45:09Huh?
45:10Come here!
45:11Uh, you got change for an $18 bill?
45:12Uh, an $18 bill?
45:18How do you want it?
45:19Uh, two nines or three sixes?
45:24And now, here's what you've all been waiting for!
45:30The End!
45:31I crossed my kazoo with a bell!
45:45What did you get?
45:46A hum-dinger!
45:48How was that one for Red?
45:54You think that's a genuine Stradivarius violin?
45:57There better be, or I'll be cheated out of 50 cents!
46:05Jughead!
46:06Why are you leaving your drum?
46:08Uh, well, you told me to beat it!
46:16Hey, Ethel!
46:17Did your father promise you something if you practiced the piano?
46:20Nope, but he promised me something if I didn't!
46:24And we promise you kids will like our next giant jukebox hit!
46:28Hey, little ones!
46:38Hey!
46:39You wanna be watching!
46:41Tell ya what I'm going to!
46:44Tell ya' just what I'm going to!
46:49I'm gonna buy you catered blog!
46:52Hey, you sweet just like you are!
46:56I'm gonna get you in the blue!
47:02And I'm gonna save you funny too!
47:05I want to keep everything
47:10Makes us mad and makes us sick
47:15Hey, little, little, little one
47:19You and I will have lots of fun
47:22Hey, little, little, little girl
47:24I want to hear the whole wide world
47:27Hey, little, little, little one
47:30Can't sing to you
47:32Make sure that my love's true
47:36I'm gonna sing a song of love
47:40Catch you the dream of
47:45Hey, little, little, little, little one
47:49You and I will have lots of fun
47:52Hey, little, little, little, little girl
47:54I want to hear the whole wide world
47:57Hey!
48:02Oh, yeah
48:04Uh-huh
48:06Hey, little, little, little, little one
48:10You and I will have lots of fun
48:13Hey, little, little, little, little girl
48:15I want to hear the whole wide world
48:18Hey, little, little, little, little one
48:22You and I will have lots of fun
48:24Hey, little, little, little, little girl
48:27I want to give it all my worth
48:31Hey, little, little, little, little one
48:33Oh, salami, how?
48:44You know, great voices run in my family.
48:47Sounds like yours was run over.
48:52I wish I had enough money to buy 10,000 tubas.
48:55Why in heaven's name do you want 10,000 tubas?
48:59I don't. I just want the money.
49:05What goes plink, plink, vroom, vroom?
49:10I give up.
49:11A sports piano.
49:23I can't put this model together.
49:25It says on the box that a five-year-old could do that, Archie Kins.
49:29No wonder. I'm too old.
49:31Here's a song from a giant jukebox that kids of all ages can enjoy.
49:34Mr. Bastery.
49:35The little fish ain't growin'
49:39Cause the dirty river ain't flowin'
49:44Doesn't anybody want to see it clean?
49:50The little fish ain't growin'
49:51Cause the dirty river ain't flowin'
49:54Doesn't anybody want to see it clean?
49:59The little fish ain't growin'
50:03Cause the dirty river ain't flowin'
50:05Cause the dirty river ain't flowin'
50:08Doesn't anybody want to see it clean?
50:12The air is dark and dirty
50:16When it should be fresh and pretty
50:20Please don't say it's how it has to be
50:24Oh, Mr. Factory
50:28Oh, don't you care
50:31Soon the children won't have
50:35Can you hear?
50:37Oh, Mr. Monaco
50:40Stop a while
50:43We can't breathe another mile
50:48Oh, the trees are disappearing
50:52The birds are disappearing
50:55Don't you know we need them to survive
51:00Oh, won't you help us change it?
51:05Please say that you'll arrange it
51:08Cause nature needs some help to stay alive
51:13Oh, Mr. Factory
51:16Don't you care
51:20Soon the children won't have
51:23Any air
51:25Oh, Mr. Monaco
51:29Stop a while
51:32We can't breathe another mile
51:37Let's go over and see what's doing
51:52in Mr. Weatherby's camping corner
51:54Today, I'm going to show you
51:57how to build a tree shelter
51:59Now, how many interested spectators do we have?
52:03About half of us, I'd say
52:05Without further ado
52:08I shall quickly scale the tree
52:10In the approved hand-over-hand method
52:13Baboons have long realized
52:15the value of tree shelters
52:16Who knows what a baboon is?
52:20I do
52:20A baboon is a big monkey
52:23Let's set together a framework of saplings
52:26We soon have a sturdy structure
52:28strong enough to support an...
52:30Uh...
52:31Mr. Weatherby
52:32Tut-tut
52:34Don't interrupt
52:35To continue
52:38The tree shelter should be strong enough
52:41to support an aid help
52:42But, Mr. Weatherby
52:44Thanks to clever cantilevering
52:46and other structural aids
52:48we now have a base upon...
52:50Hey, you, wait!
52:53You know what you just did?
52:54What's the big deal?
52:56I only knocked on a tree
52:57It's not the tree
52:59It's the principal in the thing
53:01You knocked him in the river!
53:02Look, I don't know nothing from nothing
53:05All I do is what they tell me
53:07Then we bevel the dowlings
53:08just enough to clear
53:10the lintels on the choice
53:11which in turn enable us
53:12to hang our doors
53:13and set the window
53:14And that, children, is how you build a...
53:18As I was saying
53:24that's how you build a...
53:27houseboat
53:28Now, let's go to the school library
53:32and see what Betty's dreaming up
53:34The wicked sheriff of Nottingham
53:36had captured the lovely Maid Marion
53:38in hopes that she would reveal
53:40the hiding place of Robin Hood
53:41No! No! No! A thousand times no!
53:45I'll never tell you where to find him!
53:47You'll tell me where he is, Maid Betty
53:50or I'll...
53:51Are you what?
53:54Robin Archie?
53:55In person?
53:57Oh, Robin Archie, you're wonderful
54:07Out in a day's work, Fair Maiden
54:09Yoo-hoo!
54:13Why? It's Cinderella!
54:15Cinderella? What's she doing here?
54:17I was on my way to the bowl
54:19when my pumpkin broke down
54:21Could you all give me a lift?
54:23Why, of course!
54:24Hop off, will you, Maid Betty?
54:26What?
54:27Oh, I'm just ever so grateful
54:29Well, of all of them
54:31Why, never
54:32The least you could have done is untie me
54:36Don't go away, Maid Betty
54:39And now, here's the star of our show
54:45The Giant Tootbox
54:47Did you know Jughead played the trumpet?
54:52Yeah, the trumpet lost
54:56Oh, Juggy, do you think I have the voice for the opera?
54:59No, just the nerd
55:02Oh, oh
55:04Good move along, little doggie
55:07Now for the flip side
55:10Little long amoe
55:13Did you ever hear me play a tune on an ice cream cone?
55:17No, how does it sound?
55:18Real cool
55:19Why are elephants poor, Dancers?
55:25I don't know
55:26Why?
55:27Because they have two left feet
55:30Ain't that a kick?
55:33Oh, Mr. Weatherby, sing something soft and sweet
55:36Very well
55:38Chocolate pudding
55:41Oh, hey, Juggy, wait
55:48Don't you want to go to Love Land?
55:50No, thanks
55:51But it's only a song
55:52See, I don't even like your singing
55:54Well, not me
55:55It's the Archie's Giant Tootbox hit
55:57Love Land
55:58There's a place that I know
56:14Where the happy people go
56:16All you need to get in is a little love
56:21Come with me, hold my hand
56:25Let me take you to this land
56:28And show you everything I'm dreaming of
56:33Oh, let me take you to Love Land
56:37Let me take you to Love Land
56:39It's the only place where dreams can grow again
56:44Let me take you to Love Land
56:48Let me take you to Love Land
56:51I'm already there cause I love you so
56:54You can ride on the pounds
56:58Far above the noisy crowds
57:01And I'll ride I love you across the sky
57:06Hold me tight, sing low
57:10Tell me that you love me so
57:12And together to love and we will fly
57:17Oh, let me take you to Love Land
57:21Let me take you to Love Land
57:24It's the only place where dreams can grow again
57:29Let me take you to Love Land
57:33Let me take you to Love Land
57:35I'm already there cause I love you so
57:39Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh yeah
57:41Let me take you to Love Land
57:45Let me take you to Love Land
57:46It's the only place where dreams can grow again
57:53Let me take you to Love Land
57:54Let me take you to Love Land
57:57Love, man, it's the only place where jokes can go.
58:10Come on in, we got a song to sing now.
58:13And Archie's fun now.
58:15Come on in, we got a joke to tell ya.
58:19And Archie's fun now.
58:20We got jokes, we got songs.
58:24Come on, folks, sing along.
58:26Come on in, we got a story to tell ya.
58:30And Archie's fun now.
58:32Come on in.
58:35We got Archie's giant jukebox.
58:38Gonna make you dance and clap your hands.
58:42Come on, clap your hands.
58:44Come on, clap your hands.
58:48Come on in, we got a song to sing ya.
58:51And Archie's fun now.
58:57Come on in.
58:58We got a song to sing now.
58:59Come on in.
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