- 7 hours ago
St. Denis Medical - Season 2 Episode 7 -
No Wonder His Kidney Wants Out
No Wonder His Kidney Wants Out
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FunTranscript
00:00Common for renal patients. I knew it. I'm calling mom.
00:02No, don't call mom. She's just going to freak out.
00:04Yeah, hi mom. It's elevated.
00:06Yeah, well tell mom that I'm going to start him on Carvetalol
00:08and then we'll be monitoring for the next few hours.
00:10And if you need anything...
00:11She's freaking out. She wants to talk to you.
00:13No, I don't want to talk right now.
00:14But don't tell her that because...
00:15Yeah, he doesn't want to talk to you right now. I'm so sorry, mom.
00:18Mom, I'm here and he's... I do want to talk to you.
00:20He's physically keeping me from the phone.
00:21I am not. Your son is just a prick.
00:24Ruben's got a tattoo. He's got a tattoo.
00:26Ask to see his left ankle, mom. He will not show you.
00:28Harry has been on the kidney transplant list for three years now.
00:32Still a couple years out.
00:33The wait can be frustrating. Helps to have family around.
00:36Usually.
00:38Sorry, quick question.
00:41If someone wanted to give Harry a kidney directly,
00:44like, how would that work?
00:46Could he skip the line?
00:47Sure, if you had someone that wanted to do that.
00:49Um, yeah. Me.
00:52Wow.
00:52That's incredibly generous.
00:53Yeah, I've offered to him before, but he always turns me down.
00:56So, uh, I would love to do this, you know, anonymously.
00:59That... that is so beautiful.
01:01Well, we'd have to run some tissue tests to make sure you guys are a match,
01:05but we could knock that out today.
01:07Great.
01:07Ruben, your parking ticket's on the floor.
01:09You're out of your mind if you think I'm paying a loss of ticket fee.
01:12Chee-
01:12No wonder his kidney wants out.
01:14You're shouting in a hospital!
01:16I like to say that every day's a big day here at St. Denis,
01:34but today, those are not just words that I'm saying.
01:37Today, the city building inspector is coming by to sign off on the new birthing center.
01:43Ah, the final step!
01:45Bring it, Mr. Bulldog inspector.
01:47But... oh.
01:50I'm sorry.
01:51I meant to say building inspector, but can you imagine a bulldog inspector?
01:56I want that job.
01:58That was an uplifting start to the day.
02:01This guy offered his brother a kidney.
02:03Oh, wow. How much you want for it?
02:05No, it was like a selfless gesture. You didn't want anything for it.
02:08Not yet.
02:09Oh, boy. Just once, I would love for it to be,
02:12hey, Alex, I totally agree with that very uncontroversial thing that you've just said.
02:15How's the new vanilla creamer?
02:17My stance on flavored creamers is no.
02:19Okay, yeah, it was a nice gesture, but it was not selfless,
02:22because nothing is selfless.
02:24Oh, take her to school, right?
02:26And the nice guys always want something in return, a pat on the back, a high-five.
02:30I'm sorry. People do selfless things all the time.
02:32I mean, this job is selfless.
02:34You get paid for it.
02:36All right. Well, you know what?
02:38I just donated $25 to Parker's GoFundMe for his dog's eye surgery.
02:42And you get to look like a good person.
02:44Plus, the next time you put that tin can out for Ella's Girl Scout cookies,
02:48Parker owes you one.
02:49You know what? I'm on Team Alex here.
02:51Yeah. Last thing in the world I wanted to do was go to the gym this morning,
02:54but I went anyway.
02:55Why?
02:56Not for me.
02:57For my chest and back.
02:59And traps.
02:59Okay, so I'm alone in this.
03:00No, I get it. It's like how you did that big pond cleanup last weekend.
03:04Exactly.
03:05Which I know about because you posted it on Instagram.
03:07Did she disable the likes?
03:08Oh, no, she did not disable the likes.
03:10Do I know what that means?
03:11Don't need to.
03:12I just know she didn't do it.
03:13You know what? Hate on me all you want, but if you needed a kidney, I would be the first to offer mine.
03:18No strings attached.
03:19Wait, but that applies to me too, right? If I need a kidney?
03:21Obviously, Serena gets first dibs.
03:24No, but we should get a list going, so there's no drama later.
03:29Okay, Alex's organs.
03:31Who wants what?
03:32So, Ron and Serena think it's impossible for someone to do something for purely selfless reasons.
03:38Well, I am pretty sure I just proved them wrong.
03:42How did I prove them wrong?
03:43I'm not telling, because that would be taking credit.
03:46And credit is of no interest to me.
03:51Maddie!
03:52Whoa.
03:52I got you.
03:53You're my captive.
03:54Uh-oh.
03:55Guess I'll have to lick my way out.
03:56What?
03:57What?
03:57Just did a little research.
03:5992% of kidney transplants come from loved ones.
04:02So, there's actually a lot of value in having close relationships.
04:06And not just for your kidneys.
04:08No, men with strong friendships live an extra four years on average.
04:12Yep.
04:12Bruce needs a dude.
04:15Looking for a dude.
04:18Oh, okay.
04:20Listen, I happen to be in the market for a friend.
04:23A best friend, as a matter of fact.
04:25And, Matt, you are the lucky guy who's going to help me find him.
04:30Oh, good.
04:32Pretty psyched to be helping Bruce on his friendship journey.
04:35I mean, who wouldn't want to be his best friend?
04:37Texting back and forth, sharing inside jokes.
04:40Sorry.
04:41I was just imagining what they could be.
04:43Yeah, that is going to be fun.
04:45For someone.
04:46Hey, Joyce.
04:47Building inspector just got here.
04:49Oh.
04:49You sure you don't mean the bulldog inspector?
04:53Sorry.
04:54You weren't there.
04:56Bummer.
04:57Anyway, he's down the hall.
04:58Oh.
05:00Oh.
05:01Down this way.
05:03Oh, my God.
05:03Val, are you sitting down?
05:05Yep.
05:06Okay, do you remember me telling you about a date I went on about five years ago at Enzo's?
05:10No.
05:10Yeah, you do.
05:11We both ordered the breaded eggplant.
05:13And they only brought us one, even though we wanted two.
05:16No.
05:16And then I went to the bathroom and I got locked in, but I had left my cell phone at the table.
05:20No.
05:20And the stalls were only six inches off the ground, so I had to slither underneath and I got my back all wet.
05:25Oh, yeah.
05:27Yeah, that was funny.
05:28Well, it's him.
05:29That's Michael.
05:29Okay.
05:30Okay.
05:31Shh.
05:32You guys, I just checked the GoFundMe for my dog Bunzee's eye surgery, and an anonymous angel just donated $1,000.
05:43Wow, that, uh, is, are you sure it wasn't $100?
05:49Nope.
05:49It was $1,000.
05:51Damn, that's crazy.
05:54What?
05:56I added an extra zero.
05:58Two zeros is $100.
06:00Three zeros is $1,000.
06:02It's too many zeros.
06:04Good news.
06:05A lot of tips online for how to make friends.
06:07You could join a cigar club or a rec sports team.
06:11There's also a community theater.
06:12Okay, I'm trying to find a pal, Matt.
06:14Not join the cast of Seussical, the musical.
06:17Yeah.
06:17Come on, can't we just rustle up someone around here?
06:19Oh, that's great.
06:21I didn't know you were open to mixing friendships and professional relationships.
06:24Yeah, well, I am, so go on.
06:26What do I, uh, what do I do?
06:27I guess you could start with the classics, right?
06:30Ask questions, listen, relate, express an interest.
06:33Okay, well, I know you're not supposed to do that with women, but, I don't know, who knows?
06:38Maybe it'll work with men.
06:39All right, get out of here, you knucklehead.
06:40Bruce-icle, the musical.
06:43Now, that's something.
06:44So, I accidentally made a payment on my card.
06:47Well, it wasn't an accident, but the amount was incorrect, and so I just want to know if
06:51I can cancel that charge.
06:54Representative?
06:54Did you make sure and say that deep down inside, you're a very selfless bank customer?
06:59Or are they just going to pick that up as you take money out of a suffering dog surgery fund?
07:04Folks, I just want to reiterate how deeply, deeply grateful I am.
07:10I mean, whoever made that donation, I wish you'd speak up so that Bunzy and I can thank you properly.
07:16Parker, whoever did this, I'm sure they're happy that you're happy, and that's all the thanks they need.
07:27Wow.
07:29Curveball.
07:29Then he whisks me off to karaoke where we sang 90s jams for hours, and after the second round of no scrubs, even the owner was like, haven't you had enough?
07:42P.S.
07:42I hadn't.
07:43So, did the night end there?
07:45Oh, don't ask me that.
07:47God, oh.
07:49Uh, we might have F-K'd.
07:52Come on, you ****.
07:53Val, no.
07:54Must you take it there?
07:56No, we French kissed.
07:58F-K'd.
07:59Does anyone call it that?
08:01Uh, if you know, you know, Dakota.
08:02Anyway, you might be able to use this to our advantage.
08:06Hey, you.
08:09It's Joyce.
08:10Hey, um, just going through the electrical, and then I'm going to move on to the H-Rack.
08:18Oh, Joyce.
08:19Joyce Henderson.
08:21Yep.
08:22Uh, the only Joyce on my contact sheet.
08:26Uh, well, so how, um, how are you?
08:31Asked me that after I finished the two inspections they just added.
08:34They must be close by, right?
08:36No.
08:37They're far.
08:38Okay, this is funny, right?
08:42What am I, on some hidden camera prank show?
08:47No, you'd have to tell me, right?
08:48That's the law.
08:50Okay, Propofol set to push.
08:52Set to push.
08:52Bunny Mills.
08:53Bunny Mills.
08:54Also, what's up?
08:57What?
08:58Well, how's your life going?
08:59You, uh, I don't know, you're binging anything these days?
09:01Well, actually, yeah.
09:03Oh.
09:04The wife and I just watched a great How It's Made about aglets.
09:07The hell's an aglet?
09:08You know, those little fasteners that go on the ends of shoelaces to prevent brain?
09:12Oh, my God.
09:12Patel, are you trying to put this guy to sleep or me?
09:15I love that show.
09:16Right?
09:17It's like all this stuff you never think about.
09:19But once you do, it's fascinating.
09:20You just want to learn more.
09:21Yes.
09:21Okay, put him under.
09:24Ridiculous.
09:26It's really sweet what you did for Parker.
09:29Not all heroes wear capes.
09:31Dakota, I don't even know what you're referring to.
09:37Hey, how are you doing?
09:38You holding up?
09:39Yeah, I'm fine.
09:40We'll just, you know, shop at the cheap grocery store this month.
09:44Hey, do people ever resold their Skechers?
09:47You think maybe it's time to talk to Parker about getting your money back?
09:50No, I can't do that.
09:52I mean, if enduring a little bit of pain is what it takes to show I'm a good person, then...
09:55Al, come on.
09:56You're literally the only person who replaces toilet paper in the ladies' room.
10:00Yeah, but I'm always a little spiteful when I do it.
10:02Alex, because you're a good person.
10:05Now, go, Ms. Parker, up and get your money back.
10:07Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
10:10Hey, what's up?
10:11Sorry, was my sickness boring you?
10:14I mean, it's been over an hour.
10:14Well, okay, I was...
10:15You were at the gift shop, right?
10:17Right.
10:18Yeah, I was at the gift shop, so...
10:19You're out spinning a keychain tower while I'm stuck with this guy, huh?
10:22What?
10:22You asked me about my weekend.
10:24No, it's no offense.
10:25It's just I thought, I don't know, having my brother sit with me during a major medical
10:28crisis wouldn't be such a huge ask.
10:31Oh, I don't think he thought it was a huge ask.
10:33Okay, okay.
10:34You want to know what I was doing?
10:36I was out getting tested to see if I could give you my kidney.
10:40Yeah.
10:40But I was trying to do it anonymously.
10:42Oh, anonymous, wow, hero.
10:44And you almost kept it quiet a whole morning.
10:46Because you couldn't get off my nuts for leaving the room for 10 minutes.
10:49It was an hour.
10:50You know what?
10:50I don't watch your kidney anyway, okay?
10:52I am rejecting it outside the body.
10:54Oh, you are a child, okay?
10:56Oh, I'm a child.
10:56So, a bit of an awkward sitch here, Parker.
10:59That $1,000 donation was actually me, and it was supposed to be $100, which I think is
11:06still pretty generous.
11:07But there was some finger slippage.
11:10So, if you could just, you know, issue me a quick refund, that would be amazing.
11:14Oh.
11:16Yeah, that kind of doesn't add up.
11:18Last week you donated, what, $25 under your name?
11:23Oh, well, yeah, I can see why that's confusing.
11:24And now you've made this huge second donation that you don't want credit for.
11:28Nah, nah, that's, like, super sus.
11:33I don't think we need to call it sus.
11:35You know who this really isn't fair to?
11:38Wrong.
11:39Seriously?
11:40Are you?
11:41This is really gross, Alex.
11:43Even for you.
11:45Even for me?
11:48Val, the building inspector doesn't even recognize me.
11:52Did I have different hair back then?
11:53Let me check.
11:54I keep a monthly log of your length and shape.
11:56No, I think my hairstyle's still the same.
11:59Send me that log, though.
12:01Maybe I just need to jog his memory.
12:03I mean, you don't sing no scrubs with someone until the wee hours of the morning and then
12:07just forget them.
12:08Honestly, he might be gaslighting you.
12:11Last weekend, I ran into Keith at Costco.
12:13Didn't even say hello.
12:15Just asked him to check the back for more Charmin Ultra.
12:16He found it.
12:18Hey, good news.
12:23Your fire suppression system looks solid.
12:26Oh, you know, I am famished today.
12:29If I don't get some clams Pazalipo in me right now.
12:33Oh, speaking of clams Pazalipo, have you ever been to Enzo's?
12:36That cute little Italian place next to the muffler shop?
12:39I have, actually.
12:40Oh, have you now?
12:41Yes, ma'am.
12:42Did their inspection.
12:43Dinged them for termites.
12:45Yeah, but have you ever eaten there?
12:48Maybe you had a waiter with a skin problem you kept joking about?
12:52Sorry?
12:57A scrub is a guy who thinks he's fly, and he's also known as a buster.
13:02What?
13:02Okay, that's enough.
13:05How did I become the villain for offering you, um, checks, notes, a piece of my body?
13:11Because you lord things over me.
13:12You're a lord.
13:13You love to lord.
13:14I'm a lord.
13:14I'm not a lord.
13:16Behold the selflessness.
13:18I mean, I almost want to be wrong once, just so I know what it feels like.
13:21All right, you're enjoying this way too much.
13:23What is the point in being cynical if you can't enjoy it?
13:25I don't know, man.
13:27It's still, like, sad when bad stuff happens.
13:29Aw, you still have some lightness left inside you.
13:33Adorable.
13:33Just give it time.
13:34It'll die up.
13:36It's still sad when bad stuff happens.
13:40Oh, my God.
13:45Ron, that's so generous.
13:47I'm sure there are plenty of people here that could use your money.
13:52You're doing something.
13:52Don't do something.
13:53Holly, Holly, didn't you say your church is saving up for a new bill?
13:56Oh, my God.
13:57Yes.
13:57We've raised $450 so far, so just $19,550 to go.
14:02Let's tell her.
14:03Nope.
14:04Nothing to tell.
14:05Oh, he's so shy.
14:06But I think it's interesting.
14:08Stop.
14:09I agree.
14:10Stop.
14:12Hey, Ron.
14:13If you're giving away money, Linda's mom got romance scammed again, so we're trying to fill
14:17the coffers back up for her.
14:20Dude, you are so right.
14:22The trail flow on Eagle Ridge rules.
14:24But did you notice they start allowing e-bikes?
14:26Oh, don't get me started.
14:28E-bikes.
14:28Or as I call them, cheaters.
14:30Yeah.
14:30I'm going to use that.
14:31Okay.
14:32My gift to you.
14:33Mr. Spencer came in with a twisted ankle from cycling.
14:36This guy loves bikes, and Bruce happens to be our very own.
14:41Can't think of a famous bike guy, but they're a match.
14:44Hey, so tell me, what kind of steel pony are you jockeying?
14:47Nothing fancy.
14:48Just a 2020 Pathway Pioneer.
14:50Big fan of the Pioneer.
14:51Eats bumps for breakfast.
14:53But I think it came out in 2021.
14:56Not important.
14:57Well, me and a great group of guys have a bike club that meets Sundays.
15:01We do tacos after, and it's always pretty fun.
15:042021.
15:04Yeah.
15:05See?
15:06There it is.
15:07Yeah.
15:07Pathway officially began selling its flagship model, Pioneer, the one you said, on February
15:116, 2021.
15:12I was right about that.
15:13And maybe they sold it earlier in different parts of the country.
15:17Oh, so the internet is wrong.
15:18Yeah.
15:18That's probably it.
15:20I better warn the others.
15:22Guys, don't use the internet for a while.
15:24They've got some kinks they need to work out.
15:26Oh, my God.
15:28While I stand in solidarity with the IBS community, I will not be subscribing to your sub stack,
15:33okay?
15:33You won't.
15:34Somebody will.
15:36Nobody wants to read about all that stuff, Dakota.
15:38Listen, you win.
15:40People suck.
15:40I suck.
15:41But I want my money back, so I need you to tell Parker the truth.
15:44Well, I keep trying to tell people, but they don't believe me.
15:46They say they see a twinkle in my eye.
15:48Do you see a twinkle?
15:49Well, you did heavily imply that you gave Parker the money.
15:52Well, I only did that to break your spirit.
15:54What is wrong with the men around here?
15:57It's like, Patel, shut up.
16:00Oh, and that lab tech?
16:01Come on.
16:02No way that was the first time someone told him he looked like Roseanne.
16:05Totally.
16:05Or that biker guy?
16:06Hey, what kind of steel pony you'd jack in?
16:08I said that.
16:10No, yeah.
16:10I mean, I was just in a context for, yeah.
16:13Right.
16:13You know, I hate to admit it, but if you're looking at a crowd of people and you find something
16:18wrong with all of them, I don't know, maybe it's time you turn to yourself and say, I have
16:22got to get away from these people.
16:25Yeah, for sure.
16:26Or is it possible, and this is just something dumb that popped into my head, maybe your best
16:31friend has been right under your nose this whole time.
16:37Oh, yeah.
16:39I thought of Ron, but he's too old, Matty.
16:42Oh, yeah.
16:43So, yeah, that was kind of dumb.
16:45Totally.
16:45It's okay.
16:46We'll find it.
16:46Yeah.
16:47Yeah.
16:47All right.
16:47Here's my bank statement.
16:49Grubhub, Grubhub, Postmates.
16:51Grubhub, no charity.
16:52No donation.
16:53Matency.
16:54Here on my bank statement right there, $1,000.
16:57Yeah.
16:58Huh.
16:58Okay.
16:59I believe you.
17:00So, guys, it looks like Alex is the one who made the donation.
17:07Alex.
17:08Okay.
17:08So, can I have my money back, please?
17:10Oh.
17:13Yeah, I already spent that.
17:15I spent all of it.
17:16Wow.
17:19How much was this dog surgery?
17:21Oh, that was covered.
17:23So, I used the rest to buy a new TV.
17:25What?
17:26Why would you do that?
17:28Because the old one was small and this new one is big.
17:32Does that make sense?
17:34Hey, almost done.
17:35Just checking the seals on the wall base.
17:36Okay, let's cut the crap right now.
17:39I don't know what kind of sick mind game you're playing with me, but you and me, we went out on a date.
17:45What are you talking about?
17:46You want me to prove it?
17:47I'll prove it right now.
17:48Let's see.
17:49Look at this.
17:49Who does that say?
17:50Michael, hinge.
17:51Because we met up.
17:53Don't.
17:53Do not look at me like that.
17:55I'm going to text your phone.
17:56Admit it, pervert.
17:57We French kissed.
18:00Send.
18:01Yeah.
18:02Get ready to answer that phone.
18:04It takes a spell.
18:05Who is this?
18:06I'm with my kids.
18:10Oh.
18:11Oh, no.
18:13Oh.
18:13Honey, if you're watching this, I do not know this woman.
18:16I have never met this woman.
18:17I love you so much, and I'm going to be home soon.
18:20Oh, my God.
18:22Sure, I didn't find my bestie today, but now I know what I'm looking for.
18:26Well, you deserve someone great, so just keep looking.
18:30Yeah, I'm just going to hunker down and redouble my efforts.
18:33This male friend, come on, friend who's a male, who is a friend.
18:40Yeah.
18:41Hey.
18:43Yeah?
18:44Do you want to come over Saturday night?
18:46We keep jamming on this.
18:48I think we need a little space, right?
18:50Hit it with fresh eyes.
18:51Come on, you know me.
18:52Oh, yeah, yeah.
18:53Yeah?
18:53Sure.
18:54Okay.
18:55Order some wings, a couple six-packs.
18:58Might even be a game on.
18:59Yeah, that'd be great.
19:00Nice.
19:00Yeah.
19:01So, I know you guys have had some drama today, but also, your tissue results just came back,
19:07and you are a match to donate your kidney.
19:11Family matches seem to take well.
19:13You could be healthy again soon.
19:15Healthy?
19:18Sorry, it's a lot, you know?
19:20Obviously, I would be honored to accept your kidney, even if you do lord it over me, which
19:27I know you will, but that's okay.
19:30I would too.
19:31But I also know you want to help, and that means a lot.
19:35Wow.
19:36Okay.
19:36Well, I will call the transplant team and have them drop by for a chat.
19:39Thank you very much.
19:41This is great, and all good intel, and we will, you know, we'll talk about it.
19:48Yeah.
19:49We'll talk about it?
19:51We'll talk about it?
19:52We'll talk about it.
19:53What is there to talk about?
19:54We're going to figure out a...
19:55Oh, wow.
19:57Okay.
19:57No, I knew you were going to do this.
19:59He did not want to be a match.
20:01He gets the credit.
20:02He keeps the kidney.
20:03Okay, it's an organ that's been inside my body for 40 years.
20:06I think I can have a night to think about it, right?
20:08Oh, see, best of both worlds.
20:08For this piece of...
20:10Again, I really want to apologize.
20:12That was totally inappropriate and completely my fault.
20:16Hey, it's no harm, no foul.
20:17These things happen.
20:19I mean, I really don't know if they do, but it's fine.
20:22That's very generous.
20:25Here you go.
20:26Okay.
20:26You, uh, failed your inspection.
20:28What?
20:29Yeah, warped south wall, exposed electrical, and I saw some faulty sink drainage.
20:34How?
20:34How?
20:35Oh, I think your contractor was what we call in the business a bad contractor.
20:40So, let me know when those things are fixed, and I will send someone else.
20:44Goodbye, Joyce.
20:50You know, maybe our intentions are never entirely pure.
20:54But you know what I would call doing a good thing for a selfish reason?
20:58I would call it doing a good thing.
21:01Whatever my motives are, I can sleep at night.
21:04And that's more than I can say for Parker, who will be working the night shift for the next six months.
21:10I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:11I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:12I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:13I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:13I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:14I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:15I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:15I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:16I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:16I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:17I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:18I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:19I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:20I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:21I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:21I'm going to go to the next six months.
21:22I'm going to go to the next six months.
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