- 2 gün önce
Finding Love Again -Sd
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Kısa filmDöküm
00:00:00Beautiful, beautiful, unbelievable!
00:00:05Come on!
00:00:07It's not alternator.
00:00:08Okay, where is this place?
00:00:10It's busy.
00:00:12Where is she?
00:00:13Where are you?
00:00:14Oh, come on.
00:00:15I know it's gonna be here.
00:00:17I know.
00:00:18Come on, come on, come on, come on!
00:00:20Oh my god, I put money into you all the time.
00:00:22It's not the distributor.
00:00:23I'm gonna be late.
00:00:25Seventeenth time.
00:00:27You said five minutes, that was twenty minutes ago.
00:00:29Come on!
00:00:30I wrote it on the table, put it in my purse.
00:00:33Sorority girls from Fresno, I love it.
00:00:36This is exactly what I needed to do.
00:00:38If that is just about perfect bank, I'm sick of this.
00:00:41That's the whole damn car.
00:00:42Let me wait again.
00:00:43What am I thinking?
00:00:44Shit.
00:00:45Get call waiting dude, come on!
00:00:48You do this to me all the time.
00:00:50She does this to me all the time.
00:00:52I hate you.
00:00:53Walked out the door, got in my car, and it's here.
00:00:58Oh, I forgot those goddamn papers.
00:01:00Fuck.
00:01:01I always forget something.
00:01:03Goddamn it.
00:01:04Goddamn it.
00:01:05Goddamn it.
00:01:06Goddamn it.
00:01:07Goddamn it.
00:01:09Goddamn it.
00:01:10Goddamn it.
00:01:11Goddamn it.
00:01:12Goddamn it.
00:01:13Goddamn it.
00:01:14Goddamn it.
00:01:15Goddamn it.
00:01:16Goddamn it.
00:01:17Goddamn it.
00:01:18Goddamn it.
00:01:19Goddamn it.
00:01:20Goddamn it.
00:01:21Goddamn it.
00:01:22Goddamn it.
00:01:23Goddamn it.
00:01:24Goddamn it.
00:01:25Goddamn it.
00:01:26Goddamn it.
00:01:27Goddamn it.
00:01:28Goddamn it.
00:01:29Goddamn it.
00:01:30Goddamn it.
00:01:31Goddamn it.
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00:04:03abone olabiliyor.
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00:04:43Sıkla mı?
00:04:44Sıkla mı?
00:04:45Sıkla mı?
00:04:46Sıkla mı ?
00:04:47editorial!
00:04:48Önce durmalı.
00:04:49Sıkla mı?
00:04:50Önce durma!
00:04:51Önce durmalı.
00:04:52Önce durma!
00:04:53Önce durma!
00:04:56Mısak durma!
00:04:58Sıprma sınırmak.
00:04:59Zaten!
00:05:00GeliştiklerimMO!
00:05:02Vara,
00:05:05kılın32 sınır!
00:05:05Kılın tıklamayı.
00:05:06Bizi yüksin.
00:05:07Ya bak,
00:05:08sağlar,
00:05:10Yeah, I bet you got thoughts you don't even wanna think about much less talk about.
00:05:17Like that time you hurt somebody and you wanted to.
00:05:21You hurt them real bad and it felt good at the time didn't it?
00:05:24Felt real good but maybe now it don't feel so good no more huh?
00:05:28I hurt somebody.
00:05:31I hurt them real bad.
00:05:35That's me.
00:05:38People tell you somebody hurt them and they went crazy.
00:05:41No, I'm telling you, you hurt somebody and you go just as crazy.
00:05:55He can't be too cautious.
00:05:58That's why he wears them gloves all the time.
00:06:02Little germs and diseases on everything.
00:06:05I've got some on my shoe right now.
00:06:11Crawling around, mutating, cohabitating, breeding so they can crawl on to other places and infest them.
00:06:19Some of those diseases, they're bad.
00:06:21Yeah, they get on your skin.
00:06:24They make your skin fall right off.
00:06:29But some of them, some of them get in your brain.
00:06:33Oh, and those are the kind that gloves won't help.
00:06:35No, condoms won't help either.
00:06:39No, those brain diseases, those word diseases, they get stuck on stuff too, but not on your shoes or toilet seats or nothing like that.
00:06:50No, they get stuck to your words first.
00:06:53Or maybe they get stuck to the words you hear first.
00:06:57And then they make their way back inside of your mind.
00:07:01And then they go straight down into your soul and they make your soul sick and diseased, rotten.
00:07:06And they're powerful, as powerful as any disease known to mankind may be more powerful because these word diseases, these brain diseases, they're more contagious than the strongest virus.
00:07:19And you don't need to breathe the air, somebody else is breathing to catch them either.
00:07:25No, you only need to listen to what they say.
00:07:30And they can kill millions.
00:07:33They can infest millions at a time.
00:07:36I got one.
00:07:44I got one.
00:07:46I must have one.
00:07:48I must have one.
00:07:49I must have one.
00:07:53I must have one.
00:08:18I must have one.
00:08:21I must have one.
00:08:22I must have one.
00:08:23I must have one.
00:08:24I must have one.
00:08:25I must have one.
00:08:26I must have one.
00:08:27I must have one.
00:08:28I must have one.
00:08:29I must have one.
00:08:30I must have one.
00:08:31I must have one.
00:08:32I must have one.
00:08:33I must have one.
00:08:34I must have one.
00:08:35I must have one.
00:08:36I must have one.
00:08:37I must have one.
00:08:38I must have one.
00:08:39I must have one.
00:08:40I must have one.
00:08:41I must have one.
00:08:42I must have one.
00:08:43I must have one.
00:08:44I must have one.
00:08:45I must have one.
00:08:46I must have one.
00:08:47I must have one.
00:08:48I must have one.
00:08:49I must have one.
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00:12:32I wonder why that woman left me a bagel.
00:12:38She did leave me a bagel, didn't she?
00:12:41Does she like me?
00:12:43Could anybody ever love me again?
00:12:47Oh boy, that's the thought that just really terrifies me.
00:12:50The thought of being unloved.
00:12:52The thought of being uncared for.
00:12:55It's like I'm just a spirit here on this planet.
00:12:58Trapped in this body.
00:12:59And I know how to do things like make money and dress nicely.
00:13:06Be charming.
00:13:08And I know these things would draw other people to me.
00:13:12And they might even love me again.
00:13:14But somewhere in some rancid part of myself, I wonder if they love the true me or just the appearance of me.
00:13:21My money.
00:13:22My clothes.
00:13:24My charm.
00:13:25My jokes.
00:13:26My jokes.
00:13:29So I stripped it all away, I guess.
00:13:34Hoping that somebody would see the true me and love it.
00:13:39Mm-hmm.
00:13:40So I guess that's why I talk so much.
00:13:44And maybe that's why some people let themselves get out of shape or keep themselves unkempt or smell bad.
00:13:51Just their soul crying out for recognition.
00:13:53They want people to see the true self on the inside.
00:14:00That's why really rich or beautiful, famous people, they have so much problems in their lives.
00:14:06Because they attract people that nurture their surface structure and not their soul.
00:14:10Because the soul is a very difficult thing to express.
00:14:14It's scary, too.
00:14:16It's scary because it might be rejected.
00:14:18It's difficult because even I don't know what my soul is.
00:14:21I mean, it's always in motion.
00:14:23It's moving this way and that way.
00:14:27This way and that way.
00:14:31This way and that way and this way and that way.
00:14:36I used to be in a very different place.
00:14:46Are you tired of your old car?
00:14:48Of course you are.
00:14:49Now, would you rather have a new car or an old car?
00:14:52Of course you'd rather have a new car.
00:14:54What if I was telling you that you could have a brand new Masuda Scouter
00:14:59for the same payments as a two-year-old trail boss?
00:15:03You'd take the new car, right?
00:15:05That's what I did.
00:15:06Bought one for my family.
00:15:07We love it.
00:15:07It is a beautiful car.
00:15:08You're going to love this car.
00:15:09Now, I didn't want to...
00:15:35I don't know you're going to ask.
00:15:39I don't know.
00:15:40You're going to love it.
00:15:41You're going to love it.
00:15:41You're going to love it.
00:15:43You'd love it.
00:18:22Luke?
00:18:24Wyldüm.
00:18:26I Love You.
00:18:41Pardon, to let myself love again?
00:18:43I don't know...
00:18:46I afraid I might get hurt again by love.
00:18:49For good reason.
00:18:52If I let that fear win, God, if I let that fear win and sever the slim hope that I have for really deep, true, meaningful love, if I sever that cord and go the route of the tough guy, unaffected by his emotions, or the sad guy, destroyed by his emotions, either way, either way I'll be cutting myself off from the purpose and the reason why I'm here.
00:19:16I don't know. I don't know if I can ever let go of the love that I had. I mean, I tried, but it just keeps coming back, which is good, I think.
00:19:30What the?
00:19:30I mean, I just, I just hurt her so bad.
00:19:52Oh, but maybe, maybe I can let go of them. Just a little bit at a time. Just piece by piece.
00:20:05Maybe for a moment, just, just one moment. I go of every last bit of it. Just so I can see how it's going to be.
00:20:24It's so good.
00:20:35It's so good.
00:21:05Well, hello there, Mr. Dumpster.
00:21:12Oh, sorry, Ms. Dumpster.
00:21:15How could I have been so fast?
00:21:18But I must say, you are looking ravishing today.
00:21:20Why, if I was a trash can, I'd love nothing more than to fill you up.
00:21:24But I hear you're not feeling so good today.
00:21:27I understand they got you with some graffiti.
00:21:29It's not very nice graffiti either, is it?
00:21:32You wish they could have done something a little more colorful, you know?
00:21:35I mean, there's just no accounting for taste these days.
00:21:38Hmm?
00:21:39Well, maybe they didn't have anything nicer to say.
00:21:41But I got something for you to help you brighten your day.
00:21:47There you go.
00:21:48It's from Mr. Dumpster down the street.
00:21:50Yeah, I think he's got a crush on you.
00:21:55Well, you have a good day.
00:21:58Huh?
00:21:59Oh, you're very welcome.
00:22:00And thank you for that pizza yesterday.
00:22:02It was fantastic.
00:22:04I must say, the bouquet of the tomato sauce was superb.
00:22:07The overall ambiance was wonderful.
00:22:10I'd give you four and a half stars.
00:22:13What?
00:22:15Oh, you got something for me in here?
00:22:18Let me take a look.
00:22:22Oh.
00:22:23Now, do you want to take a chance on buying a used car that might be a lemon?
00:22:33Of course you don't.
00:22:35Do you want to take a chance on buying a car that's got a bad reliability rating?
00:22:39No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:41Now, I guess you've heard some of the negative publicity about the, uh, a shoot of scouters.
00:22:46It's just a bunch of hogwash that's been generated by our competitors.
00:22:50Now, I bought one of these cars, and they're great cars.
00:22:52And don't worry about the safety on these things.
00:22:55I can verify it for it myself.
00:22:57I've driven these things all over the place, and they're great cars.
00:23:00I think you should consider buying one.
00:23:05Is she the one, the woman with the bagel?
00:23:11Yes!
00:23:13Yes!
00:23:16You got something for me?
00:23:45Is she in here?
00:23:47I can feel it.
00:23:53What have we here?
00:23:58Ah, cool!
00:24:03What's...
00:24:03Oh, these are nice!
00:24:09My size!
00:24:10Thank you.
00:24:14Thank you.
00:24:27Thank you, Jambo!
00:24:29God of the dumpsters!
00:24:30The one who puts all good things in dumpsters!
00:24:34The God of garbage!
00:24:35The garbage God!
00:24:36The way!
00:24:37The truth!
00:24:38The light!
00:24:40The filth!
00:24:41Oh, we find your altars in every city!
00:24:44Churches in every alley!
00:24:47People sacrificing to you consistently, and you give back so profusely, so unselfishly!
00:24:51Thank you for these many gifts, my friendly God!
00:24:57You great smelly one!
00:25:01You are the one who provides for the homeless!
00:25:04You have truly saved my life!
00:25:07For without you, I would have died from a hunger and cold long ago!
00:25:14I bow down to you, Jambo!
00:25:16Thank you!
00:25:20Thank you!
00:25:20Oh, hi, Mrs. Dorr.
00:25:49Uh, the flowers?
00:25:50No, no, uh, they're not for you.
00:25:52Uh, I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:53I don't know if this one could be done.
00:25:57Okay, great, thanks.
00:26:01Thanks a lot.
00:26:02Thank you!
00:26:16Thank you.
00:28:35And he was coveting this small vial.
00:28:40I was drunk.
00:28:42I wanted to just stay drunk and get drunker and just stay that way.
00:28:50But as he was crying, I said,
00:28:51Hey Calvin, why don't you and me just go out to the best bar in town
00:28:55and we'll just cry all night together?
00:28:58And he looked at me and he says,
00:29:01No one's going to cry with you, mister.
00:29:06You're doomed to do all your crying alone.
00:29:11Man, it shook me up a little bit.
00:29:15I don't know.
00:29:17So I asked for a swig off his vial.
00:29:22And then he showed it to me.
00:29:23It wasn't alcohol at all.
00:29:24It was his tears in this vial.
00:29:28He was collecting his tears.
00:29:30He would hold it up to his eye.
00:29:32And his tears would roll into it.
00:29:41I asked him what had happened to him.
00:29:43And he told me about his wife leaving him.
00:29:45And he just lost it.
00:29:48I mean, he was bitter.
00:29:51So I took him back to his place.
00:29:53I looked around.
00:29:54There was no decorations on the walls or anything.
00:29:56There was just all these notebooks lined up on the shelves.
00:29:59and they're filled with just the saddest poetry you ever saw.
00:30:02I mean, it was pathetic.
00:30:06And then,
00:30:07on the windowsill,
00:30:10there was these small little blue vials lined up.
00:30:14He had been collecting his tears in these vials.
00:30:21It must have been over a gallon of stuff.
00:30:25And he told me, he said,
00:30:26I'm going to send these to her when I die so she can see all the pain and suffering I've been through.
00:30:32I said, send all your pain and suffering to the woman you love?
00:30:39I missed her.
00:30:39I don't think that's right.
00:30:41I don't think that's love.
00:30:42And then I thought about it.
00:30:45And I thought,
00:30:46that's what I've been doing with my drinking.
00:30:49Just showing the world how much pain and suffering I have.
00:30:54Right then and there,
00:30:55I said,
00:30:56no more drinking.
00:30:57Then I started ducking.
00:31:02And I haven't shut up since.
00:31:04Now I wish I could just shut up.
00:31:06But my mind won't let me.
00:31:08It has no gate on it.
00:31:09No spigot.
00:31:10No valve.
00:31:11I'm so tired of hearing you talk.
00:31:15Just leave me alone.
00:31:16Just shut up.
00:31:19Just shut up.
00:31:20You keep doing the same things over and over again.
00:31:24And you don't stop.
00:31:25It's like a brain skipping,
00:31:27a CD skipping,
00:31:28a computer skipping,
00:31:30a rock skipping on the water.
00:31:32Just leave me alone.
00:31:34Just stop.
00:31:36Just stop.
00:31:38Stop.
00:31:50So what's going on?
00:31:59I broke up with Scott.
00:32:01Shocking.
00:32:02You never did like him.
00:32:04It's not that I didn't like him.
00:32:07I just thought he was a scumbag,
00:32:10dick-like loser,
00:32:11chauvinistic,
00:32:12unprincipled,
00:32:12uncaring,
00:32:13total sleazeball,
00:32:14cheeseball.
00:32:15That's all.
00:32:16Look,
00:32:17I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:19I mean,
00:32:19why do I always end up with the Scott-like thing?
00:32:23I try and be careful
00:32:24and pick someone that'll be good to me.
00:32:25No, you don't.
00:32:26You always end up with the hottest,
00:32:28coolest,
00:32:29richest showpieces in town
00:32:30without fail.
00:32:32And somehow you expect these guys
00:32:33to be different on the inside
00:32:34than they are on the outside.
00:32:36And they're not.
00:32:37Big surprise.
00:32:39No, I don't.
00:32:40Yes, you do.
00:32:41To you,
00:32:42a man is the ultimate fashion accessory.
00:32:45Sorry.
00:32:46Well,
00:32:47what are you looking for?
00:32:48I don't know.
00:32:50Well,
00:32:50what attracted you to Scott?
00:32:53I thought he was different.
00:32:55Different how?
00:32:58Okay,
00:32:59I thought he was cute.
00:33:01There you go.
00:33:02Well,
00:33:02how am I supposed to go out
00:33:03with a guy I don't think is cute?
00:33:05I don't know.
00:33:06I couldn't do it.
00:33:07I mean,
00:33:08good looking guys are assholes
00:33:10and ugly guys are nice.
00:33:13They'd have to be here
00:33:13or else they'd never get late.
00:33:15Oh, right.
00:33:15So,
00:33:16you wind up hanging out
00:33:17with some nice ugly guy
00:33:18having a great time
00:33:19until some good looking asshole
00:33:21comes by
00:33:21and tricks you
00:33:22into thinking he's nice.
00:33:24So,
00:33:24you break up with the ugly guy
00:33:25and break his heart
00:33:27and then the good looking asshole
00:33:28dumps you
00:33:29and your whole life's a mess.
00:33:30That's not true.
00:33:32Ugly guys can be
00:33:33just as much trouble
00:33:34as good looking guys.
00:33:36So,
00:33:37I figure
00:33:37why not have someone
00:33:38good looking
00:33:39treating you like shit?
00:33:41So,
00:33:42you want someone
00:33:42who will treat you like shit?
00:33:44No,
00:33:44of course not.
00:33:45I just want...
00:33:47I want someone
00:33:49who
00:33:50when I lie down at night
00:33:52I can feel his soul
00:33:54wrap around me.
00:33:56Oh,
00:33:56is that all?
00:33:57And love,
00:33:58romance,
00:33:59mystery,
00:33:59beauty,
00:33:59joy,
00:33:59kids,
00:34:00wild sex,
00:34:00passion.
00:34:02Look,
00:34:02I want someone
00:34:03that won't run away
00:34:04when I show them
00:34:05the ugly parts of myself,
00:34:07the black parts
00:34:07that even I don't like
00:34:08but they're a part of me.
00:34:11Like some sort of
00:34:12dark brooding
00:34:13James Dean
00:34:13kind of character.
00:34:15No,
00:34:16because I want them
00:34:17to love the other side
00:34:18of myself too.
00:34:19I want them to be able
00:34:20to go anywhere with me
00:34:22to all the twisted,
00:34:23dark,
00:34:24scary places inside
00:34:25and to all the loving,
00:34:27kind,
00:34:27caring places.
00:34:29Maybe you're really
00:34:30and you're really
00:34:30complex
00:34:31and most guys
00:34:31just aren't.
00:34:33I think everybody's
00:34:34complex inside.
00:34:36I think some people
00:34:37are just better
00:34:39at covering it up.
00:34:40Oh, really?
00:34:41Yeah,
00:34:42I mean,
00:34:43aren't we the most
00:34:44vulnerable when we try
00:34:45and show our true
00:34:46emotions to each other?
00:34:47Isn't that, like,
00:34:48the scariest thing
00:34:49in the world to do?
00:34:51I think it's just
00:34:52easier to live
00:34:53without thinking
00:34:54about these things.
00:34:55I'm doomed.
00:34:58I'm doomed
00:34:59to being alone.
00:35:01I don't want to pretend
00:35:02I don't have these things
00:35:03inside me
00:35:04for the rest of my life.
00:35:05God,
00:35:06you're not doomed.
00:35:07You don't have to pretend
00:35:08you don't have these things
00:35:09inside of you.
00:35:10Just don't get hung up on them.
00:35:12That's all.
00:35:13Well,
00:35:13that's the same thing.
00:35:15No,
00:35:15it isn't.
00:35:17I want
00:35:17the fairy tale.
00:35:20Oh, my God.
00:35:22Not only are you doomed,
00:35:23but you're going to burn
00:35:24in the fires of hell
00:35:25for all eternity
00:35:26just for uttering
00:35:27those pathetic words.
00:35:28And the devil
00:35:48is going to be
00:39:00Evet.
00:39:02Evet.
00:39:04Evet.
00:39:05Buna bakma.
00:39:06Evet.
00:39:07Tamam.
00:39:08Tamam.
00:39:09Oh, and uh,
00:39:11Joanna.
00:39:12Ya?
00:39:13Maybe it's me.
00:39:15Oh, it has to be you.
00:39:16Why?
00:39:17Because you said it would be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:30Hello.
00:39:34Yeah.
00:39:44Yeah.
00:39:48You.
00:39:53Yeah.
00:39:56İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:40:26İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:40:56İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:26İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:28İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:30İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:32İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:34İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:36İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:38İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:40İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:42İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:44İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:46İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:48İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:50İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:52İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:54İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:56İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:41:58İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:00İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:02İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:03İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:05İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:07İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:09İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:11İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:20İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:21İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:42:51İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:43:21İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:43:51İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:43:53İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:43:55İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:43:57İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:43:59İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:01İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:03İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:05İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:07İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:09İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:11İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:13İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:15İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:17İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:19İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:21İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:23İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:25ederim.
00:44:27ederim.
00:44:29izlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:30ederim.
00:44:31.
00:44:32İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:33İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:34İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:35.
00:44:46İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:44:49İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:45:02İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
00:45:03We all have that place in our hearts,
00:45:07that dark place that we keep a step or a block
00:45:10or a million miles away from.
00:45:14But that's the place that allows us to feel the tragedies
00:45:18that others have suffered,
00:45:21that you all have suffered.
00:45:26Rosetta,
00:45:28when you died you were only 12 years old.
00:45:32And that place, that dark place, that's why we turn away from it,
00:45:37we ignore it because we're just afraid
00:45:39that the pain of others is just going to overwhelm us.
00:45:45We're afraid it's going to open up that sad black hole
00:45:48that's inside ourselves.
00:45:53But the bagels,
00:45:56the bagels come anyway.
00:45:59Fearless bagel woman, she's come to terms with her darkness.
00:46:03She knows it.
00:46:04She lives with it.
00:46:05She nurtures it.
00:46:07Her darkness has given her the gift of her overwhelming compassion
00:46:12and it fuels her inner light.
00:46:14and I know I'm a disgusting wreck of a man.
00:46:19I mean, look at me.
00:46:21I'm a loser in the game of life.
00:46:24I have black, bitter darkness inside of me that will never disappear,
00:46:28that no one can ever make disappear.
00:46:31And yet I know I'm going to give to her.
00:46:36I'm going to tell her my love for her.
00:46:41Even though I fear it's going to drive her away,
00:46:47I love her.
00:46:49She loves me.
00:46:59She loves me not.
00:47:02She loves me.
00:47:04She loves me not.
00:47:07She loves me.
00:47:08She loves me not.
00:47:09She loves me.
00:47:10She loves me.
00:47:11She loves me not.
00:47:12She loves me.
00:47:13She loves me not.
00:47:14She loves me.
00:47:17She loves me not.
00:47:19She loves me.
00:47:20She loves me not.
00:47:21She loves me.
00:47:22She loves me.
00:47:23She loves me not.
00:47:25She loves me.
00:47:28She loves me.
00:47:30I knew it.
00:47:33I knew it.
00:47:34She loves me.
00:48:05Hi, Lori. It's Joanna. Um, I got another flower.
00:48:09From the coward? How exciting.
00:48:12Look, did you talk to Brian? Is it him?
00:48:16No. Um, he kind of spent the night here last night.
00:48:21Lori!
00:48:22I'm sorry, hon. I called in to ask him about you, and the next thing I knew...
00:48:26I think he's gross. Anyway, I knew it wasn't him.
00:48:30How?
00:48:30No, because this guy is different. No, I mean, it's weird, but when I lie in bed at night
00:48:39and imagine him with me, I can feel him out there thinking about me.
00:48:45You're fantasizing about this man? Are you crazy?
00:48:49Joanna, you don't even know who this guy is.
00:48:52You're just in love with some fantasy Prince Charming.
00:48:56No, it's not Prince Charming. It's more like the lover from the Marguerite Duran novel.
00:49:04And why not? Why not fall for the perfect fantasy?
00:49:08Because when the fantasy becomes reality, somebody's gonna get hurt.
00:49:13I'm not gonna get hurt from a secret admirer.
00:49:15I know how these things always resolve themselves.
00:49:19Besides, I need a little fantasy in my life right now.
00:49:23I mean, this is like the perfect guy.
00:49:27He comes to me at night. We have incredible sex.
00:49:31He leaves in the morning, and he always puts down the toilet seat.
00:49:36Does he leave the used condoms on the bedroom floor?
00:49:38Ooh, I hate that.
00:49:40No, we don't use condoms.
00:49:42No, but what if you get pregnant?
00:49:45I can't.
00:49:46He uses a secret oriental method of lovemaking,
00:49:49which allows him to have an orgasm without ejaculating.
00:49:52Oh my god!
00:49:54Yes, and he can go on forever.
00:49:56I mean, all night.
00:49:58Is he...
00:49:59Very well.
00:50:01You know.
00:50:02No, what?
00:50:03Come on!
00:50:04You know.
00:50:06What?
00:50:07Hmm.
00:50:09What?
00:50:10Does he have a big dick?
00:50:11Like a Redwood.
00:50:17How am I going to get rid of Brian?
00:50:20Tell him you don't like his car.
00:50:21I want to get rid of him, not destroy him.
00:50:25Don't you ever get sick of it?
00:50:27What?
00:50:29Running around with all these guys.
00:50:31No.
00:50:31Land of the dead.
00:50:37This is the four days.
00:50:38He's still spout.
00:50:40Every soul and dadless.
00:50:41His own blood.
00:50:42Every soul and person.
00:50:43He built a large fire.
00:50:45And I said to myself,
00:50:46Why would you lose my eyes?
00:50:48He's been afraid of promise.
00:52:35Or maybe you just try to stop it for the people that are trying to do good.
00:52:39I don't mean good by doing things like worshiping and complaining to you
00:52:44or whining and complaining and I got to have more than this in my life
00:52:48and I don't have enough of that.
00:52:50No, I mean good by doing good.
00:52:55Maybe we don't have the best God.
00:52:58Maybe you're more like a straight person of God's.
00:53:02Maybe you're more like a bum God, a homeless God
00:53:06where not everything goes quite right for you.
00:53:10Miracles go wrong.
00:53:13I don't know.
00:53:16Yeah, maybe you're not perfect. Maybe you make mistakes.
00:53:20Maybe I need to forgive you, you imperfect God, for the mistakes that you've made
00:53:25just like I need to forgive myself.
00:53:30Just like I need to forgive everyone else for theirs.
00:53:34Hello?
00:53:36Hi Lori, it's Joanna. I finally got something for my secret admirer.
00:53:39Well I hope it's a name and phone number or maybe like a picture totally nude.
00:53:41No, it's a key.
00:53:43To his apartment?
00:53:45No, it's a key to a locker at the bus station.
00:54:00I hope it's a name and phone number or maybe like a picture totally nude.
00:54:06No, it's a key.
00:54:08To his apartment?
00:54:09No, a key to a locker in the bus station.
00:54:12Oh my god!
00:54:14How incredibly romantic, exciting and mysterious.
00:54:18Unless, of course, inside the locker you find the head of his last victim.
00:54:23Laurie.
00:54:24Yeah.
00:54:25Maybe he's like a freak-o serial killer.
00:54:27The flower petal bus locker stalker, who slyly sucks beautiful young women into his soft, sultry web of romantic candy.
00:54:35And then chops and hacks them up for all the mean things his mother did to him!
00:54:40Uh, no. That was your last boyfriend?
00:54:44Oh yeah.
00:54:45So, um, I'm going down to the bus station. Do you want to come?
00:54:49No way! What if he's there waiting for you?
00:54:52That's why I want you to come.
00:54:54Well, I would. But I'm going to a concert with Brian.
00:54:57Um, how's that going?
00:54:59Ugh, the man has problems. He is a real fixer-upper.
00:55:03And?
00:55:04And nothing. He's a total dick. But I need to get laid.
00:55:08You mean, because he has a dick, you can get laid.
00:55:13Exactly.
00:55:14God, you're such a slut.
00:55:15Hey, what's wrong with that?
00:55:17I don't know. I don't know. Maybe that's just the way to be.
00:55:20Listen, I would trade in my night with Brian the Motorhead for your romantic, exciting locker key any day of the week.
00:55:27Really?
00:55:28Honey, I want the real thing. Love, kids, marriage, all that stuff. We all do.
00:55:34Well, it's about time you admitted it to me. Do you know how hard it is to be the last romantic woman in Boulder?
00:55:43Are you really going to fuck Brian?
00:55:45No, but he thinks I am.
00:55:48God, you're so bad. I'll call you later. I got a jet.
00:55:52Okay, bye.
00:55:53I know Jesus. He's a friend of mine. I met him in a pub. It was back when I was drinking heavily.
00:56:12I looked over, and there he was, sitting there right at the bar.
00:56:17He was drinking too. He had a glass of wine or something.
00:56:21I said, Jesus Christ. Man, am I glad to see you.
00:56:26Man, you would not believe what's been going on around here.
00:56:30The last 2,000 years, they've been fighting wars and such.
00:56:34On TV, they steal money from the meek.
00:56:39They've practically screwed up the whole planet.
00:56:42And you know, the thing is, I mean, I don't really want to tell you this, but they've been doing it all in your name.
00:56:50I had to tell him, and he just kind of looked at me with these eyes.
00:56:54His eyes were just so full of light and joy.
00:56:57And I kind of looked at him, and his hair was all tangled up, and he was kind of dirty and skinny looking.
00:57:03And he looked to me like he'd been living out on the street for, God, all his whole life, probably.
00:57:08And then he says to me,
00:57:12You know, you have no idea what it's like, pal.
00:57:16They are after me every day.
00:57:18They're always on my back.
00:57:20And you know what?
00:57:21Very little of all this impresses me.
00:57:24Very little of it.
00:57:26Then he mumbled something else.
00:57:40I don't quite remember what it was.
00:57:41And then he said something like,
00:57:43Hey, how about sliding me a dollar so I can get some food?
00:57:48And then he looked into his glass, and he just kind of stared into it for a while.
00:57:52And I just kind of felt my heart sink.
00:57:55And I looked at him, and I said,
00:57:58Can't you just make a miracle or something, save the world from all these wars and everything?
00:58:04And he looked at me, and he goes,
00:58:07Don't look at me, pal. I've done all I can.
00:58:10I've been trying to save the world, but how can I change your heart when it's all balled up like a fist?
00:58:16I can't change your mind no matter how much it's been blessed.
00:58:20Well, I'd been drinking for days, and this just kind of pissed me off.
00:58:26So I looked at him, and I said,
00:58:28Oh, I see. You're just going to sit there and drinking.
00:58:31Why, we all go straight to hell.
00:58:33You can't tell me that even the Messiah has lost all hope.
00:58:41And then he just kind of twisted his glass.
00:58:45He turned his head ever so slowly.
00:58:50He took a long stare at me.
00:58:54And he looked at me with those big round eyes of his.
00:58:57And he says,
00:59:01Look, pal. You can buy me a drink, or you can leave me alone.
00:59:10The rest is up to you.
00:59:13And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
00:59:16And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
00:59:20It's still in deep night.
00:59:21It's still in the mà whenピ court died,
00:59:22It's still in love.
00:59:27It's still a общiny weekend, I'm every chance of it, and he doesn't absorb everything.
00:59:32It's still in that's my mood.
00:59:36There is no rain on the light, but there is no rain on the light, but it is still not light on the light.
00:59:38İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
01:00:08İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
01:00:38İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
01:01:08İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
01:01:10Kay..
01:01:13I give you permission to fuck up my life.
01:01:20Well..
01:01:22Yers later..
01:01:22Alright..
01:01:24.. I came to realize that they were directing those comments to themselves okay..
01:01:26It was almost like the advice they were giving me were based on what they would've done in the situation that I was in.
01:01:31Which is what I think humans do generally..
01:01:33They can't help it.
01:01:35So what do you mean exactly..
01:01:37What do you mean..
01:01:38What do I mean..
01:01:39Um, okay, let's say if I were to ask somebody if I should put avocado on my sandwich, right, okay?
01:01:44And they say nix the avocado because they're trying to lose weight.
01:01:47Well, maybe I'm trying to gain weight, okay?
01:01:49So they're giving me advice based on what they would have done instead of what I should have done.
01:01:53Okay.
01:01:54So what happened?
01:01:56Well, I did this thing in that situation, which would have been great had they done it,
01:02:00but for me, it wound up being the worst thing that could have transpired, you know?
01:02:04So as a result of that, I wound up being alone, fucked up relationships,
01:02:08because I bullshitted when I should have told the truth.
01:02:10What bullshit?
01:02:14Well, she was it, George. You know what I'm saying? She was it.
01:02:17Alright, and the advice I got was don't tell your lover, man, or you'll scare her off.
01:02:21So I didn't tell her.
01:02:23So she left town and left a note.
01:02:25A note? What'd it say?
01:02:27The note.
01:02:28Alright, alright, I got it right here.
01:02:33Wait, that stick of gum, you're gonna...
01:02:35No, I need that.
01:02:38Richard.
01:02:40I'll love you forever.
01:02:41Anita.
01:02:46Got a postcard from her a couple of years ago.
01:02:47She's living in Minneapolis now.
01:02:49Married, got kids, doing really well.
01:02:51I tell you, it makes me feel sick even today to think about it, you know?
01:02:56And of course, you know the guy who gave me the advice?
01:02:58Happily fucking married.
01:03:00Anyway, the point is, okay, is that anytime anybody wants to give you some advice, I mean, I don't care who it is.
01:03:08It could be a doctor or a lawyer or your therapist or your mother.
01:03:12They're really saying it for themselves.
01:03:15Oh, yeah, right.
01:03:16Alright?
01:03:17So tell her you love her is my advice to you.
01:03:22But it doesn't apply to you.
01:03:24So don't take it.
01:03:28Right.
01:03:30Got it.
01:03:31Got it.
01:03:35Got it.
01:03:36You're gonna leave, huh?
01:03:37Uh, yeah.
01:03:38Yeah, uh...
01:03:39Hey, you alright?
01:03:44Yeah.
01:03:45Yeah.
01:03:46You okay?
01:03:47Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
01:03:51Hey, uh, you know, take a shower, though, before, or whatever you do, you know, just...
01:04:09Love, kindness, joy, bliss, caring self-assurance.
01:04:20These are the things that I was born with.
01:04:23I don't need to follow some guru or religion in order to find spiritual bliss.
01:04:30These things are inside of me every second of every day.
01:04:34I just happen to be covered up with a layer of crap right at the moment.
01:04:38I just need to stop.
01:04:41I just need to stop and get down under these layers and uncover that hidden self down on
01:04:47the inside.
01:04:48Yeah.
01:04:49It's just all this crap, all these bad thoughts, these inappropriate actions, these inappropriate
01:04:56thinking patterns.
01:04:57It's not like we were all born perfect and then we had to go discover a course in miracles
01:05:04or become a Scientologist or spend a hundred years on a mountain top meditating.
01:05:11No.
01:05:12No.
01:05:13No.
01:05:14No, no, no.
01:05:17No.
01:05:18I think we came into this world as far more perfect beings.
01:05:23Yeah.
01:05:24And it's not something that exists out there.
01:05:30I don't have to go somewhere else to go find it.
01:05:33No.
01:05:34It's right here.
01:05:35It's right here inside of me.
01:05:36I just need to get all that crap out.
01:05:39Just pour it out.
01:05:40Just spew it out of my mouth.
01:05:43Just get rid of it until I'm clean on the inside.
01:05:48Get down to that hidden perfection that's buried deep down inside of me.
01:05:53And let it rise to the surface of my heart and heal myself.
01:05:58That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:01That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:03It's all down deep inside of us now.
01:06:05I can feel it.
01:06:06We're perfect on the inside.
01:06:08I mean, you know that, don't you?
01:06:09I know.
01:06:10Yeah.
01:06:11You know.
01:06:12Everybody knows.
01:06:13I never know.
01:06:14Every dog is feathers.
01:06:15A birdman's land.
01:06:16Water's worth is going large.
01:06:17Aaaaah.
01:06:18Aaaaah.
01:06:19Aaaaah.
01:06:20Aaaaah.
01:06:21Aaaaah.
01:06:22Aaaaah.
01:06:23Aaaaah.
01:06:24Aaaaah.
01:06:25Aaaaah.
01:06:26Aaaaah.
01:06:27Aaaaah.
01:06:28I hope this is the right decision.
01:06:30This is who I am, my friend.
01:06:33I hope you like me.
01:06:37She's not going to like me.
01:06:42What am I thinking?
01:06:43She's just...
01:06:44I can't do this.
01:06:45This is crazy.
01:06:47Oh, God.
01:06:49I hope she wouldn't like me.
01:06:52I've got to stick it.
01:06:54Put it over here.
01:06:56I'm going to leave.
01:07:01She's not going to like me.
01:07:04I can't.
01:07:05She can't.
01:07:06Hey!
01:07:07What are you doing?
01:07:09Oh, I...
01:07:10I was just going to put something into your mailbox.
01:07:14You've been leaving me things?
01:07:16Yeah.
01:07:17I...
01:07:18Yeah.
01:07:19You left me the flowers and the key?
01:07:22Yeah.
01:07:23Oh, my God.
01:07:25What was I thinking?
01:07:27Of course.
01:07:28Of course there would be someone like you.
01:07:30No offense, but you're not exactly someone I can fall in love with, you know.
01:07:35What is wrong with you?
01:07:36What were you thinking?
01:07:38Well, you just left me those bagels and...
01:07:41I leave stray dogs biscuits, and I don't expect them to start following me.
01:07:48You can't do this anymore.
01:07:50You have got to leave me alone.
01:07:52I just...
01:07:53I wanted to thank you.
01:07:54Oh, are you crazy?
01:07:55I just wanted you to know what you're trying to...
01:07:56Oh, are you crazy?
01:07:57God, my girlfriend said you'd be some kind of psycho.
01:07:59What is wrong with you?
01:08:01Oh, you've got bodies in your freezer.
01:08:04I mean, have you ever killed anybody?
01:08:06How did you...
01:08:07No.
01:08:08I...
01:08:09I...
01:08:10I just love my wife and my child so much.
01:08:13Look.
01:08:14You don't love me.
01:08:15You got that?
01:08:16You don't love me, and I don't love you, and I never will love you.
01:08:22You had better leave.
01:08:23And you had better leave me alone.
01:08:25And you had better not come back here.
01:08:27You got that?
01:08:28I'm going inside.
01:08:29And I'm going to call the police.
01:08:31And if you ever come back here, I'm going to have you arrested.
01:08:35And I'm having a restraining order put on you.
01:08:38So, stay out of my mailbox.
01:08:41And my garbage.
01:08:43You don't understand.
01:08:45I...
01:08:46I just wanted to thank you for the bagels.
01:08:48I...
01:08:49I will come back if you don't want me to.
01:08:51I just talk too much.
01:08:54I just talk too much, that's all.
01:08:56Well, now you know.
01:08:57Now you know I'm a complete and utter bitch.
01:09:00And I hate you.
01:09:02So get the fuck away from me.
01:09:04You disgust me.
01:09:06You disgust me to the very core of my being.
01:09:27Οf...
01:09:28You disgust me.
01:09:29I am the dead.
01:09:30I am the devil!
01:09:31variation don't eat
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