Kelly Clarkson dishes to The Hollywood Reporter's Mesfin Fekadu about writing her divorce album 'Chemistry,' saying she "was really pissed off" at the time but it turned out to be very "therapeutic" for her.
00:00And I know it's an album for other people at this point, but first and foremost, it was just therapy for me.
00:06So I think I'm just happy that it's finally out there.
00:10It is kind of interesting, though, because it's like years ago, right?
00:12So it's like, you know, a different chapter of my life, and I'm in a different place now.
00:17It's interesting.
00:18Like, I'm like, oh, she was sad.
00:21What was it like writing these songs?
00:23You know, well, therapeutic, for lack of a better word, but also like a lot of it is for artists and writers.
00:30Like, it's like, I figured this is probably the same thing for painters, sculptors, any kind of artists.
00:34Like, it's like, you don't even know what's going to happen.
00:37You just need to get something out.
00:39You're writing.
00:40You have no idea.
00:41It's just like, it's almost like an out-of-body experience.
00:45And you're just trying to, you're almost figuring out how you're feeling and what you should do.
00:50And, you know, you're playing every angle and you're, have I tried enough?
00:54Have I done that?
00:55Like, you know, you're playing, you know, every possible path, you know, out in your head.
01:00So, you know, it's very therapeutic, but it's also hard, you know, because it's my life.
01:05You know, I'm not just like writing and pretending, like making up a story and then we're writing a song.
01:11You know, I think that's the hardest part is when it's reality.
01:14So I felt like it's such a personal album that it deserved a little bit of story and background.
01:19And I just didn't want people to hear one song and go, that's what happened.
01:23It's like, no, that's like, it's like a roller coaster of different emotions and performing it live.
01:28Like I thought, because I'd written it so long ago, I thought it was going to be easier.
01:33And I did like two rehearsal nights, like back to back and had no problems.
01:37And then I get out there and I started the show acapella and no sound came out.
01:43Like, I was like, oh, this is like, I think it just, I went back into, because a lot of us do, like as artists, you go back into that moment so you can be a vessel for the message.
01:54Right.
01:54So that was really hard.
01:56But yeah, it's just a really emotional record.
01:58Was it when like, whenever you were feeling an emotion, you would jot something down?
02:02Well, it was like, I mean, to be just frank, you know, I was working and then I'd, you know, after work, there would be times I'd fly my kids, like, you know, to my ex.
02:13And then I'd have to fly back and then wake back up hours later for work again.
02:18And it was just a really, it was exhausted physically, like mentally, emotionally, it was very hard.
02:24And so on those flights back when I'm by myself, those were the really hard moments.
02:30And that's when a lot of the songs were written because, you know, there's just so much, you know, that was going on.
02:36And I was just processing so much.
02:39And honestly, a lot of the songs were written in those moments on the, on the way back.
02:42I should have named the album on the way back.
02:45Red Flag Collector, tell me about putting that one together.
02:48Well, I was really pissed off, you know, um, and I just, you know, things get said and you hear about this, like in divorce or and thing, you know, situation, things go bad.
03:00And it's just like, it's just the craziest thing.
03:03You can't even, it's like not real, like things that get said.
03:07And, and, you know, I was angry, but the foundation of that is hurt, you know?
03:11And, um, yeah, I just got it out.
03:14Didn't I?
03:14I really said what I wanted to.
03:16Um, and, uh, that's what that song is.
03:20I love it.
03:21Let's talk about Rock Hudson, naming the song that and what it's about.
03:25So Rock Hudson was really about like, that's my movie crush.
03:29That's like my favorite go-to guy, like in movies.
03:32And it has been since I was like younger.
03:34Um, and it's more or less like I, I used it as like a metaphor of, I really did feel like I never thought the kind of love I experienced in the first part of my relationship.
03:45And, you know, even throughout like whole, like I never knew I could open up like that or love like that.
03:51I just didn't know that was possible, you know, until it happens.
03:53And that's the first time I've ever been in love as well.
03:55So, um, it was just a really beautiful thing.
03:59It was one of those things where it's like, you know, it just, you know, everything glitters isn't gold kind of thing.
04:03So, um, it wasn't exactly what everyone thought.
04:06And I think the thing that's upsetting is whenever it happens, people are like, oh, I never saw it coming.
04:09And I'm like, why would you have seen it coming?
04:11Like, why would we have made that obvious?
04:14Like, nobody wants to be like, hey, we're struggling.
04:16Like, you know, like, pray for me.
04:19Like, like, you know, nobody wants to talk about that when you're trying to heal something, you know, wounds or you're trying to fix something.
04:26And, um, you know, so it's just like everything isn't always as it appears.
04:31And the piece by piece reference, um, in that song, tell me about that.
04:38Well, to be honest, like, you know, when I wrote piece by piece, it was a very hopeful song.
04:43Um, you know, I wasn't able to say everything at the, at the time, but like some of the things that I, yeah, I think a lot of that song is about what I desired and what I hoped and what I saw, you know, in someone.
04:55And, um, and, you know, it, it turns out I might not be seeing that song, um, but it turns out that, um, you know, I maybe did marry into, so what I didn't want to do in the first place.
05:10So it's okay.
05:11Um, now it wasn't for a couple years, but, um, but, you know, I think that's the thing about seeing red flags and seeing things that aren't healthy and recognizing that and not holding on to hope and potential all the time, um, in a relationship.
05:28So, um, just a lot of lessons learned, which is, um, I guess all you can hope for, like getting, you know, it wasn't all for naught, you know?
05:38And I mean, I think what I love about the album is it's, even though obviously there's some sad topics and it's emotional, there's, it are like this hopefulness.
05:47And I wondered, is it, um, is also a goal of this for like other people who are going through either even a relationship breakup or whatever kind of like hard time that this can be something that can be, you know, 100%.
06:00Yeah.
06:01Just connecting to it and realizing like, I think the worst part is just feeling alone, you know, and it's not just because I'm in the public eye and like nobody knows what I'm going through.
06:10It's not that everybody, it doesn't matter what relationship, it's that relationship.
06:13So nobody really knows the ins and outs of that except for the two people in it, right?
06:17No one will ever know.
06:18So it's very hard going through something like that and separating from this person that you thought you were going to be with for the rest of your life, you know?
06:27So, and there's such a ride, it's a rollercoaster ride, which is why the sequencing is how it is on the record.
06:33Like it's a ride, it goes, you know, it goes back and forth because that's normal.
06:38That's a normal thing to feel when, you know, coming out of a relationship, you know?
06:42You know, it's not easy.
06:43It's not that you just wake up one day and you go, I'm done.
06:45Like, you know what I'm saying?
06:46Like it's, that's something that happens over years and it's something to recognize and to be able to have someone connect to magic or lighthouse or mine or me, like those songs and really listen and go, okay, this is how I'm feeling like right now.
07:00And like to know that you're not alone in that is incredibly powerful, I think.
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