Corrie Kylie vs Maria & Mary Taylor 29th September 2014 Ep 1

TV Critic 02

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00:00Oh, dammit.

00:01Well, that'll be down to dear old Mrs Dugdon.

00:03She's got hair like a merino sheath.

00:05You know, rather than sitting her in a chair,

00:07I'd be better off shoving her between my knees.

00:10Who wants a coffee?

00:11I do.

00:12Er, yeah, Tara.

00:14Kylie?

00:16Planet Earth to Kylie.

00:18What?

00:19Yeah, she'll have a coffee.

00:21I reckon she needs one.

00:22She's just worried about Max, that's all.

00:24I can answer for myself, you know.

00:26Well, you know, all I can say is he was as good as gold for me

00:29when you went to that cricket match.

00:31Well, yeah, he's on his meds now, so he's bound to be a lot calmer.

00:34Is that a good thing?

00:35Er, yeah.

00:37You'd be worried, mate.

00:39I don't want to go sedating Liam, not without a flaming good reason.

00:42Hold on.

00:43What, are you trying to say you think we're doing this for a laugh?

00:45Kylie.

00:46No, no, I just meant that you'd have to be a last resort, that's all.

00:49Of course it's a last resort, you stupid cow.

00:51What kind of people do you think we are?

00:53All right, love, come on, now calm down.

00:55Calm down.

00:56She thinks we're feeding our son chemicals for the sake of a quiet life.

00:59I didn't say that.

01:00Just make the coffee, Maria, please.

01:02Oh, don't bother on my account, you can stick your coffee.

01:05Oh, leave us all over and then...

01:07Mind out.

01:09Er, don't you mean excuse me?

01:10No, I mean shift.

01:11Hey, hey, now stop it, you two.

01:13I could take my clippers to the atmosphere in here this morning.

01:17Yeah, we'll need to go and get some of that unblocker today,

01:19either that or goldfish.

01:21Yeah, OK.

01:22We'll get it on the way to the old folks' home.

01:25Oh, is that today?

01:26Yes, two o'clock.

01:28Hmm, 50 shades of grey, I can't work.

01:30Look, I'm...

01:31Is it a good idea leaving these two in the room?

01:33Yeah, well, needs must.

01:34Now, listen up, you pair.

01:37David and I have got to go out,

01:38so I don't want any argy-bargy when we've gone, understand?

01:42Well, don't look at me.

01:43She's the one with the cob on.

01:44I've not got a problem.

01:46Keep talking and expert assistance, of course.

01:48But as such, I feel I have a responsibility

01:50to present it to its best effect.

01:54How about a number one?

01:56I'm sorry?

01:56If you reckon your hair's such a problem,

01:58why not shave it off?

01:59Don't you have something better to be doing?

02:01No, and quite frankly,

02:02I'm sick of listening to her whining.

02:04What does she expect you to do?

02:05I mean, with the best will in the world,

02:06you're either going to walk out looking like Kim Kardashian, are you?

02:08Kim John-Whatsit, maybe.

02:10I beg your pardon?

02:11You insulted me last time I was here.

02:13Do you enjoy it?

02:14Beat sweeping up and making coffee.

02:16Mary, just take another one.

02:18Oi, back off you!

02:19If all you're here to do is insult the clients,

02:21then you're going to be no use to us.

02:22Well, if that's how you feel, fine.

02:25What are you doing?

02:26You've got appointments.

02:27Not anymore.

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