- 1 day ago
In this imaginative comedy, we follow three friends as they train for the Plutonium Man Triathlon. The catch is that Howard has suffered a childhood injury that causes him to get "crazy legs" whenever he is upset. In addition, Howard finds out that the person who caused his affliction, Dimitri, is also competing.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00This is IBS's Wild World of Sports, spanning the globe to bring you the greatest events
00:00:17in the world of athletic competition.
00:00:30Our cameras bring you live, the sweat, the blood, the grueling warfare of modern-day gladiators, locked in combat.
00:00:40From sea to shining sea, the intimate drama of sports.
00:00:45The arrogance of victory, the disgrace of defeat, the drive, the passion, the never-ending compulsion to be number one, the perfect ten, the whole nine yards, 100%.
00:01:00The best in the world.
00:01:04IBS's Wild World of Sports, with America's number one sporting team, celebrating their tenth year together.
00:01:13Hello, everyone. I'm John Cabot Roosevelt, here with Walt Warner.
00:01:18It's been called the granddaddy of them all.
00:01:19The whole ball of wax, the big enchilada, and we got it right here live on IBS Sports.
00:01:25The Plutonium Man Triathlon.
00:01:27The last record, get the programs.
00:01:29gle!
00:01:30Real programs.
00:01:30Red art programs.
00:01:32Let's hit the way of the best work of the record.
00:01:37The last record, the best record.
00:01:42The Tampa Bay in the
00:02:49We'll take the opportunity right before the start to consider the enormity of the challenge confronting these athletes, who, before the day is done, will bid to be the first to complete not only an innovating two-and-a-half-mile swim, not merely a grueling 110-mile bicycle race, but incredibly, in addition, an exhausting Olympic-length marathon run of 26 miles.
00:03:10It's 26.2, actually.
00:03:42First, let's take a moment to look up close and intimate at Howard Markle, whose diligence and modern training techniques...
00:03:49Technique's okay as far as it goes, but this kid was motivated.
00:03:52The fact that Howard Markle is even here today is a singularly inspirational story.
00:03:57Well, he'll be unconscious for at least another hour.
00:04:12What's our prognosis, doctor?
00:04:16Will he ever walk again?
00:04:18Yes, with the proper therapy, he should regain the use of his legs.
00:04:23But he'll never be a world-class athlete.
00:04:26The rest of his life, he's going to have recurring seizures of involuntary galloping spasmosis.
00:04:36You mean...
00:04:37Yes.
00:04:39Crazy legs.
00:04:41An insidious, reoccurring disease that strikes without warning.
00:04:45Crazy legs condemned Howard to a life of fear and humiliation.
00:04:49Although Howard suffered many traumas on the playing fields of life,
00:04:58he always took strength from his sightless parents, who had completely overcome their handicap.
00:05:15Dad's home.
00:05:15Does it feel like we're losing power?
00:05:20Although this appeared to be another typical day at the Markle House,
00:05:24it was distinguished by the arrival of a new member of the family,
00:05:27Dmitry Suslov, an exchange student from Russia.
00:05:38Oh, hi.
00:05:39You must be Dmitry.
00:05:42Representing the Kremlin in today's race,
00:05:44Dmitry poses a unique challenge for Howard Markle,
00:05:47who finds himself competing with his close childhood friend.
00:05:51The year Howard spent with Dmitry was the most fun-filled of his entire life.
00:05:56By the way, jeестно CNN on a Arrow.
00:06:04Forwarding a heheh.
00:06:05And forgetting it's not that you know that ourんで is his mother,
00:06:06forced her%.
00:06:07She was looking maybe over there a concern from you.
00:06:09But I like that I had to guess my mother but I had to guess my parents
00:06:12only think around her family.
00:06:12As my mother was in danger, I'd rather you out of my mind.
00:06:13There's one class I've lost.
00:06:14Now it's not open-filled of this team that's been aления experience,
00:06:15I hope to see her.
00:06:17He is very specific all to me lately Christ.
00:06:19He killed him in there today's research.
00:06:21And he told me there's always a good answer.
00:06:22It seems he doesn't have the answers.
00:06:23There's was not a life of just fun and games.
00:06:52Howard had to spend many agonizing hours with his crazy legs therapy.
00:07:00And Dimitri was always there, always making the painful therapy a little easier to bear.
00:07:07Let me show you.
00:07:14Luke, 25 miles an hour.
00:07:17Wish I could pedal like that.
00:07:22Every cloud is sort of lining.
00:07:32And at least I have sharp.
00:07:41Dimitri was an inventive playmate, always arranging little surprises for Howard to come home to.
00:07:46Oh, no.
00:07:56Oh, no.
00:07:59Oh, no.
00:08:00Okay, let's see, who gets what? A little Rocky Mountain spotted fever, measles, a liver transplant, another pregnancy test, congratulations, and oh, the sex change.
00:08:28No anesthetic.
00:08:31Dinner time. Come on. Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep?
00:08:58Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Shep? Sh
00:09:28Sailbreak! Sailbreak!
00:09:58But all good things must come to an end, and one day it was time for the Russian exchange
00:10:13students to return to their homeland. Like all children love to do, the little communists
00:10:20took home souvenirs of their trip to America.
00:10:39It was the end of a beautiful childhood friendship, but Dimitri left Howard one lasting gift, the
00:10:45inspiration to conquer his handicap.
00:11:15...
00:11:22...
00:11:25...
00:11:30...
00:11:36As the years passed, Howard did nothing but train, and he built himself into a fierce
00:11:56competitor.
00:12:01His quest for evermore challenging competition brought Howard to the playing fields of a
00:12:05small midwestern college, a very small midwestern college, really very obscure, not at all easy
00:12:12to locate right off the...
00:12:14But no matter how strong his will to win, Howard always conducted himself like a true sportsman.
00:12:21What are you looking at?
00:12:22Oh, man, you are so ugly, I could throw up all over that guy.
00:12:25And you, what are you hiding behind your Aunt Sally there for?
00:12:27Why don't you come out and face me, huh?
00:12:29But every cloud has a silver lining.
00:12:34I know that ever since we got to know each other in the biblical way...
00:12:38You just have to remember, you have to count your blessings.
00:12:48That is just the most sensitive thing I've ever seen.
00:12:53Gosh.
00:12:54I haven't felt like that in years.
00:12:57Oh, would you look at that?
00:13:00You can't coach that.
00:13:03Hey, let's go for a really close-up inanimate.
00:13:06All right.
00:13:07More.
00:13:08Go for the close-up.
00:13:09Go for the close-up.
00:13:10Whoops.
00:13:11Actually, Howard Markle and Janelle Johnson had a lot in common.
00:13:16Janelle Johnson had a lot in common.
00:13:29Janelle won every race she ran against the other girls.
00:13:32So, like a true competitor, she went looking for a real test of her ability.
00:13:36She wanted to race against the boys.
00:13:38Hey!
00:13:39Like true sportsmen, they welcomed the challenge.
00:13:43This race was special for Janelle, for it was during this race that she really matured
00:13:59as a runner.
00:14:05Her new growth seemed to give her the margin of victory.
00:14:08Although some of the boys protested it was unfair, it wasn't too many years before they
00:14:12started to feel a little different.
00:14:15And with her all-American upbringing, Janelle grew to be a healthy, normal girl.
00:14:22Hey, Dan, what's your hand?
00:14:26Hey, Dan, you're going higher.
00:14:28No, higher.
00:14:29No, higher.
00:14:30Carter?
00:14:31Shh.
00:14:32You got a boy in there with you?
00:14:34Shh.
00:14:35It's a boy.
00:14:36Bells, bells.
00:14:37I know it.
00:14:39Go!
00:14:40Go!
00:14:41Go!
00:14:42Go!
00:14:43Go!
00:14:44Go!
00:14:45Go!
00:14:46Go!
00:14:47Go!
00:14:48Go!
00:14:49Go!
00:14:50Go!
00:14:51Go!
00:14:52Go!
00:14:53Go!
00:14:54Go!
00:14:55Daughter?
00:14:58Yes, Daddy.
00:15:05Should I cut a big switch this time, Pa?
00:15:08No, just get on over here.
00:15:09Honey, I want to talk to you.
00:15:15Daughter, your Ma and me was talking and we decided that, well, you're growing up pretty
00:15:17was talking and we decided that you're growing up pretty fast around here and maybe we better
00:15:23provide for your future. So he wants you to take this and go get proper athletic training
00:15:29just like you always wanted. But Pa, not the egg money. You need the egg money in case the
00:15:36crops don't come in. Oh honey, don't you worry none about us, we'll make out. Okay. I guess
00:15:45we'll just have to look on the bright side. It was time to say goodbye. For Janelle, that
00:15:53wasn't easy. I'm sorry. I know that ever since we got to know each other in the biblical way,
00:16:02we thought we'd go on and get married. I know you've already picked out the silver pattern.
00:16:10And I know you thought we would have our own family and raise our own little basketball team.
00:16:15But I have races to run. The past few days had been lonely for Janelle, but now it looked like
00:16:25things were about to pick up. Oh, I gotta get in line. Yeah, I guess I better get back in line
00:16:30myself.
00:16:31You know, I just had the craziest idea. Yeah? Would you like to go out to dinner with me?
00:16:54Well, I don't date that much. Oh, well, that's all right. I'd love to. You would? Well,
00:17:04only if we go Dutch.
00:17:15Where would you like to sit?
00:17:19Here's the table for the two of you. Very romantic.
00:17:23Will you excuse me for a minute, please? Oh, sure.
00:17:26Nice romantic table. Indeed. You have, I think, the most beautiful face in the world. Why don't you come
00:17:46over here and sit on my lap? Oh, yeah. Howard? Howard? Howard, are you all right? You look a little funny.
00:18:05You have, I think, the most beautiful lap in the world. Why don't you come over here and sit on my
00:18:12face? Howard! Waiter, may I have a sharp knife, please?
00:18:18It's awfully sweet of you to want to, but I really think there's a time and a place for everything.
00:18:23Are you ready to order? How does a little chicken sound?
00:18:26I don't know. May I suggest...
00:18:28Maybe we can get the chef's salad. I don't think so. The chef's rather possessive.
00:18:34Uh, why don't we have two chef's salads, please?
00:18:37Well, if you must, I would suggest a little Russian dressing on the side.
00:18:47What's wrong? I can't stand anything.
00:18:51Riptangular.
00:18:53Republican.
00:18:54I can't, I can't.
00:18:55Russian!
00:18:58Take your blue cheese.
00:19:00You'll be a monarch.
00:19:01I'll skip that.
00:19:01No, there's a bone.
00:19:02Chef, Dmitri, babushkas, balalikas, patrykis, dostoevsky, aronski, garst.
00:19:10Howard! Howard, what's the matter with you?
00:19:13Oh, nothing. It's just that I have this certain disorder with my...
00:19:17God!
00:19:18template.
00:19:29You're my favorite shit.
00:19:29Every day
00:19:31I'm going to fall at you.
00:19:31Good morning.
00:19:35Yeah.
00:19:37You don't know.
00:19:38That you're so excited.
00:19:40Hey, there you go.
00:19:41And my Jahrh machst it all the time.
00:19:43That's one, uh...
00:19:44Sorry that you made it...
00:19:45You should have this...
00:19:45Yeah, I appreciate it!
00:19:46You're so excited.
00:19:47more does it always happen to you when somebody says don't how did this happen to you there was
00:20:09this kid from i knew this kid a long time ago and he did horrible things to me got everything i ever
00:20:19wanted that's all right i know someday he'll be found out he'll be denounced in his homeland and
00:20:24sent to the gulag archipelago to die where peasant women in siberia will curse his moldering flesh
00:20:29but i get away from all my troubles when i run i get that runner's high nothing bothers me i'm
00:20:37really looking forward to the 440 at the regional and hey wait a minute hold everything are you in
00:20:42the 440 you are you know what i'm going to do to you i'm going to rip your head off i'm going to rip
00:20:47your i'm in the 880 i'm sorry it's just that i don't get along well with people i have to compete
00:20:53against but you don't have to compete against me say the markle family no gee they haven't lived here
00:21:03for quite a while i can't remember when they moved as a matter of fact we started receiving some of
00:21:09their mail i put it away but they didn't leave any forwarding address i'm sorry would you like to
00:21:17leave a number where you could be reached just in case they call
00:21:20so
00:21:24so
00:21:26so
00:21:28so
00:21:30so
00:21:32so
00:21:36so
00:21:38so
00:21:40so
00:21:42so
00:21:44now we feature up close and intimate the inspiring story of a competitor with an inner city
00:21:57ethnicity come on tell it like it is the kids from the ghetto right is that so hard
00:22:01what the
00:22:02i'm
00:22:03you
00:22:04like so many competitors with an inner city ethnicity james b white at an early age came to love jazz music
00:22:11and spent many happy hours listening to it with his parents
00:22:18ow
00:22:21i can't see shit with these things on
00:22:24growing up as a typical inner city kid he was a gifted athlete and natural at any sport he took up
00:22:32the sport he took up
00:22:39As he reached adulthood, James B grew into a handsome boy, and all the girls chased after
00:23:03it. It was at a small regional meet where James B, Howard, and Janelle first competed
00:23:13together. I'm going to wipe you guys out. I'm going to rip you to shreds. I'm going to
00:23:18tear your limb from limb. Oh, man, you are so ugly. How can you stand going out at night?
00:23:24Phillips, Phillips, man. Oh, God, you got to quit putting cigarettes out on your face,
00:23:28man. Oh, I'm sorry. Are those pimples? He didn't mean it really. He did. Hey,
00:23:33Crabtree, man, show us the plate in your hair. Howard! You can't say that to people.
00:23:38You've got to love your enemy. But that guy's really ugly. Look at him. But, Howard, all
00:23:42you're doing is hurting yourself. That's me. I've got to go. Hey, Janelle, you just remember,
00:23:48you kill him. Just kill him. You're a very sick boy, Howard.
00:23:58You! Good luck. Good luck. Good luck. Hey, good luck.
00:24:03On your mark. Runners get set.
00:24:16Going into today's competition, Howard, Janelle, and James B. had to be considered the favorites
00:24:21in their events. As she streaked around the track, leaving everyone in her dust, Janelle
00:24:26must have been thinking that life was truly sweet, that this was what she was born to do.
00:24:30Run. A symphony of speed and power. A relentless physical machine thundering down the track
00:24:36to... second place? I lost? I lost?
00:24:41On your mark. Runners get set.
00:24:56Now it remained for Howard, or perhaps James B. White, with his unique style of running,
00:25:01to garner whatever glory was to be won today.
00:25:10After suffering these embarrassments, Howard, Janelle, and James B. had to be considered
00:25:14washed up in the world of major sports competition.
00:25:17Come on. It's not the end of the world.
00:25:19You threw me off with all that crap about love your enemy.
00:25:31Well, maybe you threw me off with all your hate and threatening everybody, huh?
00:25:34That's not why you lost. You both wrong.
00:25:38Who said that?
00:25:40You want to know why you lost?
00:25:42Here!
00:25:43Oh, here.
00:25:44Oh, nice little nothing like a share.
00:25:47Hey, give me my six iron boy. I think I can reach the green from here.
00:25:52Thank you, thank you.
00:25:53Oh, why did we lose?
00:25:54Yeah, why?
00:25:55Why did you lose?
00:25:56Because tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...
00:25:57What's he saying?
00:25:58I don't know.
00:25:59I think he wants something.
00:26:00That's right.
00:26:01A drink. He wants a drink.
00:26:02Oh, here you go. Here's a drink.
00:26:03Whatever.
00:26:04Water.
00:26:05No, no.
00:26:06Oh, give me.
00:26:07That's not your love.
00:26:08There.
00:26:09There.
00:26:10Ah.
00:26:11Oh, never.
00:26:12Water.
00:26:13No, no.
00:26:14Oh, give me.
00:26:15That's not your love.
00:26:17There.
00:26:18There.
00:26:20Ah.
00:26:21Ah.
00:26:22There.
00:26:23There.
00:26:24There.
00:26:25There.
00:26:26There.
00:26:27On your mark.
00:26:29Hit set.
00:26:30Go.
00:26:37All right, boy.
00:26:38Pick him up.
00:26:39Put him down.
00:26:40One.
00:26:41He probably doesn't.
00:26:42That's it.
00:26:43Yeah.
00:26:53Hey, you're asleep.
00:26:54Hey.
00:26:55Hey, our problem.
00:26:56You said you knew what our problem was.
00:26:57I know exactly what your problem is.
00:26:59I know how to solve it.
00:27:00It's very simple.
00:27:01All you have to do is...
00:27:02What?
00:27:03What?
00:27:04A drink.
00:27:05Quick, get him a drink.
00:27:06What is it?
00:27:09What do we have to do?
00:27:10Excuse me?
00:27:11Our races.
00:27:12You said you knew how we lost our races.
00:27:13Oh, that, that, yes.
00:27:14You see, you're not middle distance runners.
00:27:16You should be marathoners.
00:27:18Can you swim?
00:27:19Yes.
00:27:20Yeah.
00:27:21Can you ride a bicycle?
00:27:22Yeah.
00:27:23Sure.
00:27:24That's it.
00:27:25What's it?
00:27:26You're triathloners.
00:27:27Well, goodbye.
00:27:28Thank you for the drink and good luck.
00:27:29Hey, hey, wait a minute.
00:27:30Where are you going?
00:27:31That's right.
00:27:32Where am I going?
00:27:33Come on, you can tell me.
00:27:34Never mind.
00:27:35I'll find it myself.
00:27:36Well, aren't you going to be our coach?
00:27:37Yeah.
00:27:38You want me to be your coach?
00:27:39Yeah.
00:27:40I was a pretty good coach once.
00:27:42Better than pretty good maybe.
00:27:43Yeah, but that was a long time ago.
00:27:44I'm no good to anybody anymore.
00:27:45I don't even know who I am half the time.
00:27:46I'm just a washed-up old boozer.
00:27:47Well, that's the best kind.
00:27:48That's just what we want.
00:27:49What do you want?
00:27:50You don't even know who I am.
00:27:51Don't tell me.
00:27:52Never mind.
00:27:53I'll find it myself.
00:27:54Well, aren't you going to be our coach?
00:27:55Yeah.
00:27:56Well, aren't you going to be our coach?
00:27:57Yeah.
00:27:58Coach.
00:27:59You all want me to be your coach?
00:28:00Yeah.
00:28:01You'll want me to be your coach?
00:28:02Yeah.
00:28:03I was a pretty good coach once.
00:28:04Better than pretty good, maybe.
00:28:05Yeah, but that was a long time ago.
00:28:06I'm just a washed-up old boozer.
00:28:09Oh, that's the best kind.
00:28:10That's just what we want.
00:28:16All right, you two, fall in.
00:28:19All right, Pete, cut.
00:28:21Throw those shoulders back. Chest out. Set those guts in. Pull those chins down.
00:28:25That's it. All right.
00:28:27Now, we're gonna do some jumping jacks.
00:28:29Jump, to jump, to jump, to jump, to jump, to jump.
00:28:35What in the hell is wrong with you? Where is your mind, boy? What are you doing?
00:28:40Up, down, up, down, up, down.
00:28:45What's on your mind, boy? Come on!
00:28:48This is war!
00:29:05Johnson, you're as bad as Marco!
00:29:08It became obvious that Howard would never reach his potential as an athlete until he learned to contain his volatile emotions.
00:29:18This ain't some church social out there. Nobody I know ever want anything without getting fired up.
00:29:23All right, show me the stuff you made up, boy!
00:29:26Show me the chiller in straight!
00:29:29Go!
00:29:30Go!
00:29:31Take care, Marco!
00:29:32Go!
00:29:34All right, come on, let's go that extra mile.
00:29:36We got people to see and places to be.
00:29:38When we get to kill, we'll let break for lunch!
00:29:40All right, you wimps! Let's do it again!
00:29:57Look, you're made up, boy! Let's see the killer instinct!
00:30:09This is the big race, Marco, and you're losing!
00:30:12Come on, boy! Pour it on! Faster! Faster!
00:30:17Get her, boy!
00:30:18Come on! That's the boy!
00:30:20What the... What the hell are you...
00:30:23What are you...
00:30:38Oh, no.
00:30:40Oh, no.
00:30:44Oh, no.
00:30:45What the hell's the matter with you, boy? You're crazy or something!
00:30:49I'm so sorry. I... I... I didn't mean to.
00:30:52Are you okay?
00:30:54Are you all right?
00:30:57Much better now, thanks.
00:30:59You think I don't know what's going on here? Oh, come on.
00:31:02You're trying to drive me out of here so you can get one of your ex-jock friends in here with you.
00:31:06You could have a great time sitting around arguing about what tastes great and what's less filling.
00:31:11Well, I'm not gonna make it any easier for you.
00:31:14Let's see if you can buy without this!
00:31:17Oh, yeah?
00:31:18Let's see you get by without this!
00:31:24You can't do that! You're exposing a trade secret!
00:31:32Ow!
00:31:36Did I do that?
00:31:37Well, I suppose I deserved it.
00:31:40Ow!
00:31:42No.
00:31:44Well, maybe.
00:31:46But still, I'm sorry.
00:31:47Yeah, well, I'm sorry, too.
00:31:48I'm sorry you have to train with a guy who's out to drown you.
00:31:52You don't have to accept this, you know. You can fight back.
00:31:54You can act like a human being.
00:31:56Oh, it's too late for that.
00:31:58Okay, fine.
00:32:00If you want to just forget any chance we could have to be together and take the coward's way out, well, fine, but I'm not gonna stick around here to see it.
00:32:07All right, then go. See if I care. Think my whole life revolves around you? Think if you walk out that door I'm just gonna crumble? Not me, baby. I'm like a rock.
00:32:15Oh, okay. Okay, I'll try.
00:32:20All right, here they come. Are you ready?
00:32:22Yeah, well, I guess.
00:32:23No, I guess. Do it. Come on.
00:32:26Hi, guys. Hi. You're looking good. All right. Hey, I'll see you out on the track.
00:32:31Oh, are those new shoes? They look really fast.
00:32:35Not bad.
00:32:36You! What are you doing here? I'm gonna cut you up, man. I'm gonna feed you to my pet piranha.
00:32:43You're blowing it with the water boys.
00:32:45Well, I raced against them at the regional.
00:32:47Okay, go ahead. Punk out. Be a dishrag for the rest of your life.
00:32:53Hi.
00:32:54Stay away from me.
00:32:57Hey, look, I'm sorry about that. I don't even have a pet piranha.
00:33:00Yeah, sure.
00:33:02I just want to talk to you. Come on, relax. I just want to break your legs, you scumbag.
00:33:07No, I didn't mean that. What I meant to say was that I want to be your friend. See? I just want to be your friend. See?
00:33:12I'm under control now.
00:33:16You son of a bitch!
00:33:18Yeah, well, just don't come any closer, buddy. This is real water.
00:33:21Look, you know, it's just that I have this little problem.
00:33:23No kidding.
00:33:24You see, the thing is, you rat breath, I can't be friends with anybody I have to race against.
00:33:28Yeah?
00:33:30Well, sounds like the beginning of a beautiful friendship to me.
00:33:33You mean?
00:33:34That's right. I've given up running. I'm no good. Anyway, I'm starting a new career as a water boy. Fields wide open.
00:33:41Sure you want to hear about all this?
00:33:43Oh, yeah, jerk nose. I mean, I have a black body. All right? But I missed out somewhere on a black soul.
00:33:50I would... Damn.
00:33:55Don't curse the darkness. Light a candle.
00:33:59What?
00:34:01Every dog has his day. Keep your chin up.
00:34:06You mean that...
00:34:07That's right. The opera ain't over until the fat lady sings.
00:34:11You're right.
00:34:14You're right.
00:34:15You know what?
00:34:16I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna get me some soul if it kills me.
00:34:20James B. searched the world over in hopes of discovering his roots.
00:34:37Say hey, everybody.
00:34:41Right on.
00:34:51Kareem.
00:34:52Yeah.
00:34:54Soul drain!
00:34:56I see a child in trouble.
00:35:09Bring him a catfish. Make it a big one.
00:35:16Wait.
00:35:17Eat child.
00:35:18You've got the condition.
00:35:37But give praise.
00:35:39There ain't but one person in this whole world who knows the way of the cure.
00:35:43And you found it.
00:35:48Oh.
00:35:53Cray it.
00:36:01What? This is it?
00:36:03The cure?
00:36:04The final solution.
00:36:06White shock.
00:36:08Hey!
00:36:10This place is pitchin'.
00:36:13I mean, it could use a futon or two.
00:36:16Doesn't smell white enough.
00:36:18Does that cable?
00:36:23Come over here.
00:36:26Take this.
00:36:30Now put them on.
00:36:32We're gonna fix dinner.
00:36:39Hey.
00:36:40What do I look?
00:36:42Velma.
00:36:46How do I look?
00:36:50Sickened to your death.
00:36:52Eat that.
00:36:54White fish, white sauce, white rice, white bread.
00:36:58Yeah.
00:37:00Any white wine?
00:37:03Get back.
00:37:04Get back, you boy, you son of a bitch.
00:37:17You don't know who you met.
00:37:25That's right.
00:37:26Back your white ass up.
00:37:29James B.
00:37:32Call your dog.
00:37:33Call it?
00:37:35Do like I say.
00:37:36Be all right.
00:37:39Here, boy.
00:37:41Here, boy.
00:37:43Police dog.
00:37:45Trained to be vicious to any black brother.
00:37:48But you.
00:37:50Be like.
00:37:52Now, child.
00:37:54Don't you leave here until you're quite overdosed.
00:37:56Who's that?
00:37:58Come here.
00:38:00You'll know.
00:38:02But I'll see you never work in this town again.
00:38:04And we're back with more from the Plutonium Man Triathlon.
00:38:08As race day grew nearer, Howard and Janelle were spending every waking hour in a vigorous training regimen.
00:38:13Oh.
00:38:26Training.
00:38:27Sort of things definitely not good for training.
00:38:30Let's forget about training for a while, okay?
00:38:33Just put it out of your mind.
00:38:35So few loud here.
00:38:38Just the two of us.
00:38:41Whispering pines.
00:38:44I'm shocked.
00:38:45I'm shocked.
00:38:46I'm shocked if you're good at it.
00:38:47Never had to stop things.
00:38:48I can't believe it.
00:38:49Babbling drunk.
00:38:51Well, this is a better way to hang on a Canadian town to a lot of the reasons.
00:38:53You know, lovers may always be proud.
00:38:56Okay.
00:38:58If you promise not to mention anything...
00:38:59I won't.
00:39:00I won't.
00:39:01I won't.
00:39:02Doesn't it just get your blood running?
00:39:10Running?
00:39:12He said running.
00:39:14I'm sorry.
00:39:15I didn't mean to Howard.
00:39:22Okay.
00:39:26I just love your hair.
00:39:28Hair, hair.
00:39:29Tartisan hair.
00:39:30Tartisan's a race, race.
00:39:33You said race.
00:39:34Go.
00:39:35It's okay.
00:39:36I won't do it again.
00:39:37I promise.
00:39:42My little pusska there.
00:39:45How are you?
00:39:48You're so sweet.
00:39:49You're like candy.
00:39:50Candy, ice cream, cream cheese, cheese, danish, swedish, finish line.
00:39:59Race.
00:40:00How are you?
00:40:03It's just impossible.
00:40:04Okay, I just can't deal with your ridiculous problem anymore.
00:40:08What are you mad at me for?
00:40:10You're the one who keeps bringing it up.
00:40:11Why pretend we're happy when the truth is plain to see?
00:40:30So until these body games are through, strange as we end, that's the way it's got to be.
00:40:45Ooh, why deny the feelings we're only hurting us?
00:40:58Can you think the body games we play, they just get in the way?
00:41:07Don't you think we've had enough?
00:41:12Oh, stop.
00:41:13Oh, stop.
00:41:14Oh, stop.
00:41:15Oh, stop.
00:41:15Oh, stop.
00:41:16The body games we play, throw our footage right away.
00:41:22While there's still a chance for our love.
00:41:34Howard, is that you?
00:41:40You look kind of bummed out, boy.
00:41:42Well, welcome to my humble abode.
00:41:49What you need is a drink, my boy.
00:41:51Some Gatorade would be nice.
00:41:53Gatorade and bourbon.
00:41:54Real men drink hard liquor.
00:41:59All right.
00:42:00What's going on?
00:42:01Something's troubling you.
00:42:04Just as I thought.
00:42:06It's a woman, isn't it?
00:42:08All right.
00:42:09I'm going to have to break out a new six-pack.
00:42:16She's right.
00:42:17I can't love anybody I have to race against.
00:42:20Now, no matter what those pretty boy quarterbacks are making,
00:42:22what kind of money doesn't matter to me.
00:42:23You see, the game is still one in the trenches.
00:42:25You have to want it more than the guy across the line from you.
00:42:28If you're going to play football, you've got to be smart, boy.
00:42:31You've got to have it up here.
00:42:32I want to hear those pads pop from the top of that stadium.
00:42:36I want you to hit them and knock them down.
00:42:40I knew that.
00:42:43What the hell was I talking about?
00:42:46Oh, romance.
00:42:48Romance, l'amour.
00:42:49C'est la chausse la plus belle du monde.
00:42:51L'amour pensée, magnifique.
00:42:54Oh.
00:42:55Then what you're saying is that I can love her.
00:43:00Is that what I said?
00:43:01You know what I'm going to do, coach?
00:43:02I'm going to go right over to her house,
00:43:04and I'm going to tell her that I love her.
00:43:07Yeah, well, the poor little thing is probably sitting there by the telephone
00:43:09all by herself, waiting for you to call.
00:43:10Yeah, poor little thing.
00:43:11What do you want me to do?
00:43:14I love to see.
00:43:14Okay.
00:43:15Okay.
00:43:16Okay.
00:43:46I hope those guys out there have something to keep busy for a while.
00:43:52Oh, I get it.
00:43:54You don't feel like rushing into it.
00:43:57Okay, then tell me a little about yourself.
00:43:59No, it's just, um, it's this guy.
00:44:03Howard may be a complete jerk.
00:44:15Oh, look.
00:44:17But I love him.
00:44:19And I just can't do anything with anybody else.
00:44:24Howard!
00:44:25Oh, no.
00:44:31It's not what you think.
00:44:33Oh, no?
00:44:34What about all those guys?
00:44:35They're just friends.
00:44:37I was just about to bring out Trivial Pursuit.
00:44:39Really?
00:44:40You mean you're not seeing anyone else?
00:44:42No!
00:44:46There's nobody else I want.
00:44:49But you.
00:44:51Good.
00:44:52Gee, there I was thinking you were running around with half the guys in town.
00:44:56Hey, hey.
00:45:02Where are Janelle Johnson lives?
00:45:05Oh.
00:45:15That's it.
00:45:17That's it.
00:45:18Things can't get any worse.
00:45:20Things can't get any worse.
00:45:24Oh.
00:45:24My name is Dimitri Suslov.
00:45:45All my life I train for Plutonium Man Triathlon.
00:45:53I race against filthy, greedy, American.
00:46:00I will win.
00:46:02Then whole world will see how weak immoral capitalists are.
00:46:07Beautiful.
00:46:09Beautiful, beautiful, baby.
00:46:10Cut.
00:46:11All right.
00:46:11Let's go to lunch.
00:46:12Yeah, let's cut.
00:46:13All right.
00:46:13Do I get my VCR and blue jeans?
00:46:16Lights.
00:46:18Get along, little donkey.
00:46:22Shake your booty all night long.
00:46:27Oh.
00:46:29I say.
00:46:31Sing around the camp wild, baby.
00:46:34Shake your booty all night long.
00:46:36Yeah, sing around the camp wild.
00:46:42You looking for me?
00:46:47Gotta eat.
00:46:48Gotta eat.
00:46:48Gotta eat.
00:47:06Gotta eat.
00:47:11So.
00:47:12Get high.
00:47:13No!
00:47:16It's hot.
00:47:18It's hot.
00:47:22So you're good.
00:47:24You're good.
00:47:25I'm going here.
00:47:25Yeah.
00:47:25It's hot.
00:47:26I'm going here.
00:47:26I gotta get this one.
00:47:56I gotta get this one.
00:48:26Hey, dude, what's that?
00:48:56Say what?
00:49:26I said what it is, and what it be, cause JBY cannot be believed, why, because there's
00:49:43a party over here and a party over there, cause JBY is no longer square, I said the boy
00:49:47is fresh, the boy got moves, everybody stand back, and watch him move, hey!
00:49:56How does it feel, moments before the start of the biggest race of your life, knowing
00:50:26you have a chance to be the recipient of a $30,000 prize?
00:50:31What goes on in an athlete's mind?
00:50:34Why don't you tell us, Walt?
00:50:35You have such a perfect command of the obvious.
00:50:38Uh, well, race day means to me unbelievable pressure on the athlete.
00:50:43Imagine the tension inside that locker room.
00:50:50A ping-a, as I said, she got to be the star high, can you rock andotine?
00:50:59Let's do it again.
00:51:02I'm so sorry for you time.
00:51:03Super rivalry and girl who's gone through hell, if you could just start again.
00:51:09Oh boy, Howard Markel.
00:51:29Mitri.
00:51:30You're not looking so good, Howard.
00:51:32No.
00:51:33Oh boy.
00:51:36Is your legs still bothering you, or what legs?
00:51:41Nice shiffy.
00:51:43You know, I'd like to talk over old times with you,
00:51:45but I really should warm up now.
00:51:50You're a nice guy, Howard.
00:51:52Hope you like to finish last.
00:51:54Man, I just came by to say good luck.
00:52:00What's the matter?
00:52:00Something be wrong with your legs?
00:52:02No, there's nothing wrong with my legs.
00:52:03I'm just warming up.
00:52:05And I'm not your man, so just get lost.
00:52:08I feel so good about this race, I could give this up.
00:52:13Hey, here.
00:52:14You're going to wish you were never born.
00:52:16I'm going to wipe you out.
00:52:17I'm going to pound you.
00:52:19You're dead meat, so watch out.
00:52:20Give me that.
00:52:21Give me that.
00:52:24Get your own.
00:52:35Go get him, baby.
00:52:37All right.
00:52:40And now, IBS Sports takes you live to the starting line of the Plutonium Man Triathlon.
00:52:47Runners get fed.
00:53:02Give me that.
00:53:15Get your own.
00:53:15Star is my name.
00:53:16You're not already.
00:53:17No, baby.
00:53:18Okay.
00:53:18You're not.
00:53:19Get your own.
00:53:21Check your own.
00:53:21Let's go.
00:53:22Get your own.
00:53:23Let's go.
00:53:23Runners get fed up.
00:53:25You're not one.
00:53:25Let's go.
00:53:26Turn друг grupo trip.
00:53:27Get your own.
00:53:27Come on.
00:53:27You're not.
00:53:28You're not.
00:53:28Get your own.
00:53:29That's all.
00:53:29Look at you.
00:53:30Why do we always have to run like this?
00:54:00Why do we always have to run like this?
00:54:29Take a look.
00:54:32Jesus Christ!
00:54:36Oh, my God!
00:54:45Now, let's take a look at the swimming course.
00:54:49The swimmers enter the Grand Canal,
00:54:52where they run into unpredictable winds, currents, and tides.
00:54:59You know, for some reason, I keep thinking about old Cathy Turkle.
00:55:05The night her parents were out and we got loaded on Ripple,
00:55:11why was I Mr. Smooth?
00:55:13And did we...
00:55:17Oh, no, it can't be.
00:55:23It is!
00:55:24They're swimming into a fog bank!
00:55:29What was that?
00:55:30Who that?
00:55:31Who say who that?
00:55:32Janelle?
00:55:33No, I'm Janelle.
00:55:35Is it you, Howard?
00:55:36Yeah.
00:55:37Go away.
00:55:38I won't go away.
00:55:39Aren't you scared?
00:55:40What's to be scared of a little fog?
00:55:45No, I'm Janelle.
00:55:46No, I'm Janelle.
00:55:47Is it you, Howard?
00:55:48Yeah.
00:55:49Go away.
00:55:50I won't go away.
00:55:51Aren't you scared?
00:55:52Looks to be scared of a little fog.
00:55:54Hold me.
00:56:18No way.
00:56:19Come on, I'm scared.
00:56:20That's better.
00:56:22Do you hear that?
00:56:24Yeah.
00:56:25Run!
00:56:26No!
00:56:27I knew it all along.
00:56:28I'm scared.
00:56:29I'm scared.
00:56:30No way!
00:56:31Come on, I'm scared.
00:56:32That's better.
00:56:33That's better.
00:56:34Do you hear that?
00:56:35Yeah.
00:56:36Do you hear that?
00:56:37Yeah.
00:56:38No!
00:56:39Run!
00:56:40No!
00:56:41I knew it all along.
00:56:45Sweet!
00:56:46He's way out in front!
00:56:48Go!
00:56:49Go, Howard!
00:56:50Beat that!
00:56:51No!
00:56:52Russian!
00:56:53As the athletes approach the beach, it's Dimitri Susla, first out of the water.
00:56:56Woo!
00:56:57He's way out in front!
00:56:58He's way out in front!
00:56:59Go!
00:57:00Go, Howard!
00:57:01Go!
00:57:02Go, Howard!
00:57:03Beat that!
00:57:04No!
00:57:05Russian!
00:57:06Go!
00:57:07Go, Howard!
00:57:08Beat that!
00:57:09No!
00:57:10Russian!
00:57:11As the athletes approach the beach, it's Dimitri Susla, first out of the water.
00:57:22Go, Howard!
00:57:23Go, Howard!
00:57:24Go, Howard!
00:57:25Go, Howard!
00:57:26Go, Howard!
00:57:27Go, Howard!
00:57:28Go, Howard!
00:57:29Go, Howard!
00:57:30And would you look at that?
00:57:31He's actually sacrificing precious seconds to administer to the safety of Howard Markle's
00:57:35handlebars, and the crowd shows its appreciation.
00:57:39As they move on the bike course, Dimitri Susla's holding onto a pretty good lead.
00:57:47Don't count Janelle Johnson and James B wide out.
00:57:49Look at them.
00:57:50Moving up through the pack.
00:57:51and howard markle he seems to have himself straightened out now and he's making up some
00:57:59ground as we get a good aerial shot of the course you can see the terrain's not exactly
00:58:05the bonneville salt plants out there in fact some of those hills are darn near impossible
00:58:10oh
00:58:40Hey!
00:58:50Hey!
00:58:51Hey!
00:58:52Hey!
00:58:53Hey!
00:58:54Hey!
00:58:55What are you doing?
00:58:57I was just about to put the ball back in!
00:59:00I'll get you, James!
00:59:02Yeah!
00:59:32Yeah!
00:59:35Yeah!
00:59:40Woo-hoo!
00:59:44Yeah!
00:59:46There he is!
00:59:47Woo!
00:59:50Yeah!
00:59:53Yeah!
00:59:58ald∭
01:00:00We're not going to pull it out of here!
01:00:30Wait! Wait! Wait!
01:01:00So long, my friend. James B. White is in first place as we start the marathon.
01:01:13That's right, old buddy. And now, back to IBS Sports' live coverage of the Plutonium Man Triathlon.
01:01:20I was thinking if you was coming up to visit your ma and me, best you come up for next Tuesday.
01:01:33Seems a swarm of locusts come in and ate up all the soybeans.
01:01:36And the government, they're foreclosing, fixing auction off the house, the land, tractor, and all the livestock.
01:01:41But you go on with running this race of yours, don't you worry none about your ma and me.
01:01:50It has been a long time for me.
01:02:00This is the best way to find the land.
01:02:05It is the best way to find the land.
01:02:10The island is the best way to find the land.
01:02:14Hey!
01:02:16Hey!
01:02:18Hey!
01:02:20Hey!
01:02:22Hey, what are you doing?
01:02:24What is this? Hey, other ones!
01:02:26Hey, what are you doing?
01:02:28Hey, what? Oh, no!
01:02:32Whoa!
01:02:34Oh! Oh, Howard!
01:02:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:02:40Hey, hi!
01:02:42Man, Howard, you're one cold-blooded dude.
01:02:44What? It wasn't me. Yeah, right. It was your mama.
01:02:48Oh, jeez.
01:02:50This is the same.
01:02:52Stupid.
01:02:56Hey, do you mind?
01:02:58Huh?
01:03:06Hey!
01:03:10Listen! What's your problem, huh?
01:03:14Stupid thing!
01:03:16Nobody! Stop it!
01:03:18Oh! Oh!
01:03:20You did not but Bobby, Gavin!
01:03:24Ha!
01:03:27Oh, God.
01:03:40Dog,osie lost food, Mo.
01:03:42It was Understood.
01:03:44Stop his funeral.
01:03:46Hit him!
01:03:48It was not so bad.
01:03:50only six miles to go
01:03:55Dimitri Suslo is way out in front
01:03:57there seems to be no sign
01:04:00of any of his rivals
01:04:01where are we?
01:04:11here
01:04:12it's Dimitri
01:04:19he's gonna win
01:04:20we might as well just sit here
01:04:27never move again
01:04:29die
01:04:31he must have been looking for me all these years
01:04:40he never gave up
01:04:41he never gave up
01:04:45no matter what the cost
01:04:47no matter he didn't have no chance
01:04:49because
01:04:50when the going gets tough
01:04:52the tough gets going
01:04:53winners never quit and quitters never win
01:04:55it don't matter whether you be winning or losing
01:04:56it's how you know
01:04:58the opera ain't over till the fat lady sings
01:05:01we can do it
01:05:04I just wish I had my music
01:05:06come on just say
01:05:07I'm going to win
01:05:17what the hell you want to do
01:05:17Dimitri Suslo that's just about to wrap it up so we might as well knock off
01:05:22wait a minute
01:05:24wait a minute
01:05:26Somebody's closing fast!
01:05:28It's Howie Markle and Janelle Johnson and James B. White. Look at them run!
01:05:33They'll never catch him now. He's going into his kick!
01:05:44Oh, God, I hate him.
01:05:46Don't waste your energy, Hagen. If you want to win, do it for the right reason.
01:05:56Demetri's got hate.
01:06:04But you've got...
01:06:06No!
01:06:13You've got nothing to fear but fear itself!
01:06:15But this is time, save time!
01:06:18The foolishest money are soon parted!
01:06:21Hold everything! Something seems to have happened to Howard Markle!
01:06:27This is absolutely incredible!
01:06:29I've never seen anything like this in all my years in sports!
01:06:32He's running like a man possessed!
01:06:51How is it possible? How can it be?
01:07:01how is it possible how can it be how can they reach down into the deepest part of themselves
01:07:18to deliver this kind of performance this is the truest dream i've ever seen
01:07:23go howard go
01:07:27we're in peace
01:07:31all you good men
01:07:34we're in meeting
01:07:38remember i said you little cheppy all those years no little cheppy
01:07:44howard he's making you hate him don't do it
01:07:48you can't dance you you medicate bezit something's going wrong
01:07:51it looked like it was going to be the greatest comeback in sports history but
01:07:54oh my god marco has hit the wall
01:07:57get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up get up and go boy come on
01:08:21come on legs let's beat this red
01:08:24let's beat this red
01:08:28let's beat this red
01:08:29let's beat this red
01:08:46I'm sorry, but our time is up, and we now join Heidi, already in progress.
01:09:13Well, if that's the way you feel about the culture.
01:09:16Oh, God, without me, I'm a goner.
01:09:39No, come on, come on.
01:10:21Come on, lady, you'll break your nails that way.
01:10:51Come on, lady, you'll break your nails that way.
01:11:21Look at that.
01:11:22Let's go.
01:11:24Let's go.
01:11:26Let's go.
01:11:28Let's go.
01:11:30Let's go.
01:11:32Let's go.
01:11:34Let's go.
01:11:36Let's go.
01:11:38Let's go.
01:11:40Let's go.
01:11:42Let's go.
01:11:44Let's go.
01:11:46Let's go.
01:11:50Let's go.
01:11:52Let's go.
01:11:54Let's go.
01:11:56Let's go.
01:11:58Let's go.
01:12:00Let's go.
01:12:02Let's go.
01:12:04Let's go.
01:12:06Let's go.
01:12:08Let's go.
01:12:10Let's go.
01:12:12Let's go.
01:12:14Let's go.
01:12:16Let's go.
01:12:18Let's go.
01:12:20Let's go.
01:12:22Let's go.
01:12:24Let's go.
01:12:26Let's go.
01:12:28Let's go.
01:12:30Let's go.
01:12:32Let's go.
01:12:34Let's go.
01:12:36Let's go.
01:12:38Let's go.
01:12:40Let's go.
01:12:42Let's go.
01:12:44Let's go.
01:12:46Let's go.
01:12:48Let's go.
01:12:50Let's go.
01:12:52Let's go.
01:12:54Let's go.
01:12:56Let's go.
01:12:58Let's go.
01:13:00Let's go.
01:13:02Let's go.
01:13:04Let's go.
01:13:06Let's go.
01:13:08Let's go.
01:13:10She slips beside you
01:13:12The emotion lifts yet to a higher place
01:13:19Now it's the rule of the heart that governs you
01:13:24Taking complete control
01:13:27A rule of the heart that sets love apart
01:13:31The power that made you whole
01:13:34So don't be afraid of what you feel
01:13:37But soon you won't realize
01:13:40It's the rule of the heart that sets love apart
01:13:44It's living in your eyes
01:13:49Living in your eyes
01:14:07The rule of the heart that governs you
01:14:23Taking complete control
01:14:26A rule of the heart that sets love apart
01:14:30The power that made you whole
01:14:33So don't be afraid of what you feel
01:14:37But soon you won't realize
01:14:39It's the rule of the heart that sets love apart
01:14:43It's living in your eyes
01:14:46The rule of the heart that governs you
01:14:50Is taking complete control
01:14:52A rule of the heart that sets love apart
01:14:57Living in your eyes
01:15:00The words of the rule of the heart
01:15:07Yeah, living in your eyes
01:15:10Oh, oh, oh
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