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00:00They are no problem.
00:01You know, you're the first person we've had returned from season one.
00:03Thanks so much for coming back in.
00:05I didn't come back in.
00:06I haven't left Channel 10 since the last show.
00:09That explains a lot.
00:14Morning, Sam.
00:15Hey, Sam.
00:20Thanks, mate.
00:23Weird.
00:24You're watching 10 News.
00:25The government has hit back at criticism...
00:27Hey, keep it down quarters.
00:28I'm trying to get my eight hours.
00:30Fired by James Packer following a controversial interview yesterday.
00:37What's going on here?
00:38Dinner.
00:39Something I threw together.
00:40That's your dinner?
00:41All the five food groups.
00:46Yoink.
00:47Hey.
00:48A low-pressure trough will extend into Victoria tomorrow
00:51and that will cause widespread showers and storms.
00:54Hey, Jane.
00:55What's today's top temperature?
00:56Seventeen and showers.
00:58Good.
00:59As we were saying.
01:00Live across Australia, this is Sam Pang Tonight.
01:09And now here's your host, Mr. Sam Pang!
01:14Wow!
01:16Thank you, guys.
01:18Hello, Robert.
01:19How are you?
01:20Hello, Robert.
01:21How are you?
01:23Thank you, guys.
01:25Hello, Robert.
01:26How are you?
01:27Hello, Robert.
01:28How are you?
01:29Thank you very much.
01:30Wow!
01:31Good evening.
01:32And firstly, a big welcome back to my special guest announcer, the one, the only Tony Martin.
01:45Oh, thanks.
01:46Yes.
01:47Yes.
01:48Yes.
01:49I, uh...
01:50Good to see you, Tom.
01:51I never left, Sam.
01:52I've been hanging out in the abandoned offices of 10 Peach for the last six months.
01:59Where this show may end up, the way things are going, by the way, Tom.
02:02It's great to have you here.
02:03Let's get on with it.
02:04We begin this week on the Gold Coast, where tens of thousands of Year 12 students have descended
02:09for schoolies, and authorities say the culture has changed.
02:13I'm not so sure.
02:14The school leavers are actually engaging in a lot more daytime activities that doesn't
02:18include excessive consumption of alcohol.
02:20Have a bit of alcohol!
02:21Have a cheeky binge!
02:22I'm having four shots there.
02:23There's six shots over there.
02:24For a week of just drinking, I guess.
02:29Sixteen schoolies blacked out during that clip alone.
02:32Any advice for the kids up there, Tom?
02:34Oh, uh, yeah.
02:35Watch out for toolies, uh, the hoolie-doolies, and inflammation of the ghoulies.
02:44Well, also, please remember to use sunscreen, too, if you're up there.
02:49You don't want to get sunburn on your herpes.
02:56In political news this week, One Nation's Pauline Hanson is attempting to lure Barnaby Joyce
03:02to her party by making him a home-cooked meal.
03:06True story.
03:08Why do I have the feeling those two are about to come up with a brand-new slur?
03:14Either that or it's an elaborate trap to deport an Uber Eats delivery person.
03:21One or the other.
03:22In all seriousness, I would love to be a fly on the wall for that dinner.
03:26A fly that would listen for two minutes and then fly directly into the zapper to kill itself.
03:30But really, why is Pauline cooking dinner on a first date?
03:38It's Barnaby Joyce. Go for drinks, by the way.
03:41That man's a senator.
03:45Staying with politics, the G20 World Leaders Summit was in South Africa, but President Trump boycotted the event for an event closer to his heart.
03:58That's right, the McDonald's Global Impact Summit, where, in some big news, he revealed his most controversial policy yet.
04:05Because no matter who you are, everyone loves something at McDonald's.
04:10I like the fish.
04:13I like it.
04:15You could do a little bit more tortoise or something.
04:21The filler the fish.
04:22The filler the fish.
04:23Not my first choice.
04:24You know what?
04:25I was on board with that guy, but now I'm really starting to question his judgement.
04:33Moving on in some Neanderthal news and the discovery that kissing actually began more than 21 million years ago,
04:41with evidence that Neanderthals and early humans were likely to have kissed.
04:46Now, if you're curious what humans kissing Neanderthals look like,
04:49Love Island Australia is currently airing on Channel 9.
04:56Meanwhile, scientists also say it was around 20 million years ago
04:59that Neanderthal aunties first started kissing nephews on the lips.
05:04It's true, I remember that.
05:10Tone, this one's for you.
05:11The Tasmanian gallery Mona has reportedly lost $408 million since it opened in 2011.
05:16Now, here at Channel 10, we call that our business model.
05:20We'd actually kill for that number.
05:25Mona founder and gambling billionaire David Walsh says he doesn't mind losing $408 million.
05:32And for more stories like that, check out this week's edition of Unrelatable magazine.
05:36In some royal news, Meghan Markle has praised Prince Harry saying he loves me boldly.
05:45And you can read more about that story in Who Gives a Shit magazine.
05:48Staying in Hollywood and in a rare interview, Kevin Spacey has revealed that he's homeless.
06:01That's right. Tony, are you aware of this story?
06:03Yes, I've just read about it on page six of I Don't Give a Shit magazine.
06:06Is the name of that magazine again, Tony?
06:16It's Who Gives a Shit magazine.
06:18But they do a second edition, it's a later, a later edition.
06:24Well, it was maybe in that edition that I read the article too and Spacey says he's living in hotels and Airbnbs.
06:29So I suppose he's technically homeless, just like he's technically innocent.
06:39Sorry, I've got some Kevi Spacey fans in here tonight.
06:42To some sporting news, and this is big news.
06:45The tiny Caribbean island of Curacao has qualified for the 2006 FIFA World Cup, becoming the smallest country ever to do so.
06:52Fantastic. Well done.
06:53Curacao!
06:54Curacao!
06:55Curacao!
06:56Curacao!
06:57Curacao!
06:58Wow.
06:59Big news.
07:01Alright.
07:02Well, it's like we rehearsed it.
07:07Great news for Curacao.
07:08And in some sporting news from the future, the tiny Caribbean island of Curacao has become the smallest country to be eliminated from the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
07:18Good old Curacao forever.
07:23They don't know how to play the game.
07:27They're in the World Cup zone.
07:28Yeah.
07:29So that's good news.
07:30Is that a Curacao flag?
07:31I've no idea.
07:35The name of that magazine again, Tony.
07:38They don't give a shit.
07:41Now here's some exciting food news this week.
07:43Over in the US, Heinz has unveiled their new leftover gravy sauce for Thanksgiving.
07:49I know, it's a novel concept to get your head around.
07:52The idea that Americans have leftovers.
07:57And Paul Kelly has already cashed in with his new Christmas single, How To Make Leftover Gravy.
08:04Another shameless cash grab from a sad, irrelevant artist way past his prime.
08:08Merry Christmas, Paul.
08:11And finally, congratulations to Miss Mexico, who was crowned Miss Universe 2025.
08:19Of course, things took a turn when Miss Jamaica hit the stage.
08:23Now the competition has been plagued by scandals and a few mishaps, including this incident where Miss Jamaica lost her footing and took a tumble.
08:30She is fine.
08:34She's fine.
08:36Nothing says fine like being wheeled off in a gurney.
08:41But don't worry, in some good news, she went on to win the Miss ICU competition, so well done to Miss Jamaica.
08:47My favourite part of the night, though, was when contestants showcased their national costumes and it was quite the spectacle.
08:53Sri Lanka.
08:55Tanzania.
08:57Bahamas.
08:59Australia.
09:01This gown is a wearable landscape inspired by Uluru.
09:10Pauline Hanson tried to climb that later on.
09:12That was not a very nice moment.
09:14Norway's costume, though, was the stand-up.
09:17Norway.
09:18This salmon-inspired gown mirrors both the delegates' movements as a baton twirler and the essence of Norway's leading export.
09:33She was fine as well, by the way, until Miss Japan turned her into sashimi.
09:38She was attacked by 200 cats shortly after that.
09:43200 tones.
09:44200 tones.
09:45200.
09:46Amazing.
09:47You know who else liked Miss Norway?
09:48I like the fish.
09:50OK.
09:51We've got a great show coming up.
09:52Tony Martin sticking around.
09:53I'll chat with Chisilla Presley.
09:55And UK comedian Alan Davis is up next.
09:57You're watching Sam Pan tonight.
10:08Tonight!
10:12Welcome back.
10:13Thank you, Tony.
10:14Tony, it's great to have you here.
10:16Thanks, Sam.
10:17I like that you're airing grievances during the break, but you were saying to me that you thought I missed something in the opening monologue.
10:22Yeah, I saw this, I was watching Sunrise, as I always do, and the weatherman Sam Mack was in South Africa.
10:31You knew who I was before I even got here?
10:33Yes, I did.
10:34What did you say when I first came over to you?
10:36I said you're Sam Peng, the Australian comedian.
10:48What do you make of that?
10:50I suppose all Australians look the same to them over there, aren't they?
10:53No, it's nice, you can always rely on sunrise if you want the weather in Johannesburg.
10:58That's why I wake up with today.
11:00Hey, Tony, just some housekeeping, by the way.
11:03So a lot of people might not know this, but you're in an electronic dance group called Arseless Chaps.
11:08Yes.
11:09Tell everyone about Arseless Chaps.
11:11It's two older men playing very loud electronic dance music with very silly lyrics about serious topics and very serious lyrics about silly topics.
11:21That's basically the gist of it.
11:24Yeah.
11:26Have we lost everyone?
11:27Why would I? Well, actually, I've seen it, it's a great show, but you've been on tour and I found this clip to show everyone.
11:37That is a man who's had too many coffees.
11:52You're already in all white outfits, somehow you made that even whiter with the dancing, by the way.
11:59Um, I wanted to, uh, the other thing is too, I believe you really are, you're getting some things off your chest.
12:04I believe you have a bone to pick with me about something that happened on last week's show.
12:09Well, last week you had, if people didn't see it, you had a reunion of the cast of 80 BC and that was your very first show 16 years ago.
12:17When was it on? What was the time slot?
12:18Where it started or where it finished?
12:20Where did it finish?
12:21Where?
12:22What was the time?
12:23It started at 8.30 on a Thursday and finished at 3.55 on a Monday.
12:29Yeah.
12:30To be fair, I think the 3.50 lead-in was a bit weak.
12:35I think it was just a photo of Les Murray.
12:38That's all it was.
12:39Well, it was good to have.
12:40Last week was interesting because it was like, it was like the show no one watched the first time was back.
12:44Yeah.
12:45And, uh, it was electric.
12:47You know, I was a big part of that show.
12:49Yeah, you did a lot of ex.
12:50Yeah, I think we've got a clip here of me.
12:52This is where Mussolini was hung and they buried him in an unmarked grave.
12:57Problem was that a year later some of his supporters found him, dug him up, held onto him for a couple of months.
13:04Oh, feral.
13:05Weekend at Benito's it was called.
13:07I saw that.
13:10Topical.
13:11So, who would have thought the dead bodies hanging in the square would fail to work as light entertainment?
13:20That was a funner show than people remember.
13:23Yeah.
13:24Sure.
13:25Let's move on.
13:28We've done enough damage.
13:29My first guest tonight is a UK comedy legend who's written books and is currently touring Australia with his new stand-up show.
13:36Here's some of his work.
13:38Your time starts now.
13:39It's Alan Davis.
13:40Wow!
13:41Well, Alan!
13:42Alan!
13:43So, in a way, it's the best fit.
13:44Oh, no, he's gonna blow leaves.
13:46What the hell happened?
13:47That's my favorite joke.
13:48Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
13:50Quite a floppy surprise.
13:51It's a corker.
13:52Please welcome the great Alan Davis.
13:56Thank you, sir.
13:57Thank you for having me.
13:58Come on out and have a seat.
13:59Are you comfy?
14:00Yeah.
14:01I've got quite a low seat.
14:02Oh, my God, don't...
14:03Is that being mentioned before?
14:04Russell Crowe mentioned it.
14:05Did he?
14:06And, um...
14:07I'm...
14:08I'm...
14:09I'm...
14:10I'm...
14:11I'm...
14:12I'm...
14:13I'm...
14:14I'm...
14:16I'm...
14:17I'm...
14:18I'm...
14:19I'm...
14:20I'm...
14:21I'm...
14:22I'm...
14:23I'm...
14:24I'm...
14:25I'm...
14:26Basically insisted on swapping chairs for the...
14:28Righty-y-y.
14:29Yeah.
14:30While we talked about the movie Nuremberg.
14:32So that was fun.
14:33This was...
14:35This is a big thrill for me because we've never actually met.
14:38No.
14:39Until now.
14:40And even though the closest we've come is when you were on
14:43Have You Been Paying Attention.
14:44Yes.
14:45But I wasn't there.
14:46Yes.
14:47Well, I did insist on that.
14:48Yeah.
14:49Well, you sat in my chair.
14:52How did you find that experience?
14:53How did it compare if you want?
14:54I enjoyed it very much.
14:55Really?
14:56Yeah.
14:57Although it's...
14:58It's pretty quick.
14:59Yeah.
15:00I think there's about 960 questions in the episode.
15:02Yes.
15:03So...
15:04Someone thought something funny for everyone.
15:06It's usually Ed, I think it was.
15:08How did you...
15:09How did you enjoy working with Tom Gleisner?
15:11Or as I call him, the talking cadaver.
15:13He's an outstanding showbiz legend.
15:17It was great to meet him.
15:18Tom?
15:19Yeah.
15:20Great guy.
15:21First time you met him?
15:22Yeah.
15:23Yeah.
15:24You've been on that show.
15:25Yeah, it's...
15:26It's a quiz...
15:27You've been on that show way more than you deserve to be, by the way.
15:30Well, as I understand it, it's a quiz show where the idea is to get as few answers correct
15:35as possible.
15:36That's how I play it anyway.
15:38That's why you're not coming back next year.
15:41I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, Alan, because, fair to say, you were hilarious, but you did
15:48struggle with the basics.
15:49Prime Minister and his wife, Sophie Gregoire Trudeau, have released a statement announcing...
15:54Announcing what?
15:55That he...
15:56Alan, we need to pass it.
15:57No, no.
15:58There's one...
16:01There's one thing.
16:06Just the one...one thing to remember?
16:13Yeah, but what a reflex.
16:15I asked...
16:16I could hardly believe how quick I was.
16:19I asked about Tom.
16:20What about Ed Cavill, who's on the show, you know, a lot?
16:23He got to do two episodes with you.
16:25Do you remember your time with Ed?
16:26Well, there's just a voice behind you.
16:28Yes.
16:29So every time you speak, he's behind you saying, there he is.
16:31There he is.
16:32Yeah.
16:33Well, he had a great time, and you'd be happy to know he sent you a message.
16:38Oh.
16:39Hi, Alan.
16:40Ed Cavill here.
16:41We met when you were filling in for Sam on having been paying attention, and just want
16:45to say thank you so much.
16:46I mean, the shows felt professional.
16:48They were on time.
16:50There was enough alcohol for everyone.
16:52Just the feeling of having a professional in that seat was incredible.
16:56So thank you again.
16:57Hope the tour goes great.
16:58And remember, most importantly, you haven't shopped around until you've tried Yui.
17:02Oh.
17:03Yeah.
17:04Wow.
17:05Just to explain, Ed does advertisements for Yui.
17:13Is he homeless?
17:15He's homeless, by the way.
17:18He's homeless.
17:19Alan, there's so much more to cover with you, including your new book and your stand-up
17:22tour.
17:23More Alan Davis after this.
17:24Welcome back.
17:25I'm here with comedian Alan Davis, the star of the long-running quiz show QI, where correct
17:43answers are not necessarily the goal.
17:45Tony, you'd be perfect on that show, by the way.
17:48Alan, you once described yourself as the class dunce on QI.
17:52Like, so you've done that show for a long time.
17:54How long did it take before you realised that you were the dunce?
17:57It took me about four years to realise that I was the class dunce.
17:59Four years?
18:00Yeah.
18:01It was a real case of, if you don't know who the patsy is in the room, it's you.
18:06Because normally there's two captains on all those kind of shows.
18:09Yes.
18:10And then right from the off, I thought, I'm the only regular.
18:11Why am I the only regular?
18:13Why does this thing keep going off?
18:15What's happening?
18:16Yeah, I thought I was great.
18:19I think the same thing on Have You Been Paying Attention, by the way.
18:23So, how long have you been doing that show?
18:2523 years.
18:26All right.
18:2723 years.
18:28I love that.
18:32Applause for longevity.
18:34He's alive!
18:36Do you remember, what's like the one thing you remember from the show?
18:40I don't remember any of it.
18:41Any?
18:42It goes in one ear and out the other.
18:43Oh, wow.
18:44Yeah, really.
18:45The only thing I remember is, when the Vikings went on looking for land, they would take a
18:50raven, and then they'd let it go, and then if it saw land, it would go to it, and they'd
18:56follow it.
18:57And if it didn't, it would come back to the boat.
19:00And they had to take a lot of ravens.
19:02Because guess what?
19:05They'd fly off.
19:11That's literally the only fact I remember.
19:14That's a good one.
19:16Yeah.
19:17Ravens, that's stealing from your actone, by the way.
19:19Well, I don't have a mobile phone, so I take ravens every year.
19:24Last question of QI, though, because you've been on every single episode except one.
19:29Oh, yeah.
19:30Why'd you miss that?
19:31I went to the Champions League final.
19:34I did warn them around about the quarter-final.
19:37Arsenal might get through this year.
19:39Yeah.
19:40I'll do any other day in May, any day in June, just not May the 17th, anyway.
19:45Is he a big Arsenal fan?
19:46Big Arsenal fan.
19:47So they, how'd you, what was it?
19:48Yeah, they lost.
19:49They lost.
19:54Could've stayed at home and got paid.
19:56Well, it's good that you're not letting your love of Arsenal get in the way of your professionalism, as seen here in this behind-the-scenes clip of QI.
20:05Anyone know the score?
20:06Five.
20:07Is there a football on?
20:08Yeah, after they're playing at home.
20:09Five.
20:10Very inconsiderate scheduling in my view.
20:12Yep.
20:13Five-one!
20:14Five-one!
20:15Five-one!
20:16Five-one!
20:17Five-one!
20:18Five-one!
20:19Five-one!
20:20Five-one!
20:21Right.
20:26I'll defend you, Alan.
20:27I once missed an episode of having been paying attention because of a cockfight in Bali.
20:35Let's go back, though, to 1994 and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
20:41Yes.
20:42You were favourite to take home the trophy.
20:44Yep.
20:45Odds on favourite.
20:46Odds on.
20:47Absolutely nailed on certainty.
20:48And what happened?
20:49The Lionel and Woodley one.
20:55What was it?
20:56I don't know.
20:57What happened there?
20:58How did you...
20:59Why were you even aware that you were, like...
21:00Odds on?
21:01There wasn't a...
21:02People kept telling me.
21:03It was me or Harry Hill.
21:04It's gonna be you or Harry.
21:05It's gonna be you or Harry.
21:06And then, I don't know what happened.
21:08The Aussies came through.
21:10On the...
21:11On the rail.
21:12Artists see other shows.
21:13Did you see the Lionel and Woodley show?
21:14Yeah, it was brilliant.
21:15Was it?
21:16It was brilliant, yeah.
21:17Well, you seem to have got over it.
21:18I'm over it.
21:19You seem to remember all the details though.
21:22By the way, I'm glad you're over because...
21:24Here's a heartwarming message from one half of Llan Owen Woodley,
21:27Colin Lane.
21:28Alan Davis.
21:29Alan Davis.
21:30Alan Davis.
21:31Why does your name keep on popping into my head?
21:36Alan Davis.
21:37Not so much a message, just a childish taunt, really.
21:39Yeah.
21:40Yeah.
21:41Yeah.
21:42Yeah.
21:43Yeah.
21:44Yeah.
21:45Yeah.
21:46Yeah.
21:47Yeah.
21:48Yeah.
21:49Yeah.
21:50Yeah.
21:51Yeah.
21:52Yeah.
21:53Yeah.
21:54Yeah.
21:55Yeah.
21:56Yeah.
21:57Yeah.
21:58Yeah.
21:59Yeah.
22:00All right.
22:01All right.
22:02I've been reading a new book.
22:03Well, here it is here.
22:04I've got to hold it up to one of them.
22:05Yeah, there it is.
22:06White male stand up.
22:07That's me.
22:08It's a recent photo on the cover.
22:09And I genuinely have read this book and I love your honesty about a show that you were
22:16in called A Many Splintered Thing.
22:18Oh, yeah.
22:19Where it was the greatest description ever and I quote, I was not funny at any point in
22:23any episode.
22:24Alan, how...
22:27It's so true.
22:30But you're a funny man, so how is that possible?
22:33I don't know how they did it.
22:35They applied some sort of anti-comedy to the scripts.
22:38And turned everything round, faced the other way and became terribly sad.
22:44Was it supposed to be a comedy?
22:46It was a comedy, but basically the comedy was about a man who'd left his wife for a
22:51younger woman who he liked, which is exactly, I think, what the writer had done.
22:55And then he tried to just make it sound like the hero of that story.
23:00It's the man who's left his wife.
23:03But every time you saw him, he just saw, oh, there he is again.
23:07How many eps?
23:10Too many.
23:11Far too many.
23:13I can't remember.
23:14About seven.
23:16I want to ask you two about, like, you're known for your flowing locks.
23:24Yeah, those days were good.
23:26Yeah.
23:27Well, they're still there, but I just want to point out that it wasn't always like this.
23:30Here you are in 1991 on the Jonathan Ross Show.
23:33So to give us some male perspective on Cosmo life and the whole damn thing is the stand-up
23:36actor is Mr. Alan Davis.
23:38So how long were you in the army for?
23:39That's a tight number, isn't it?
23:40Yeah, that's 92, I think.
23:41When did you start growing it out?
23:42The following year, I met a girl who I was really keen on, and she said, I think you'd
23:47look better if you grew your hair out.
23:48So I didn't cut it for a year.
23:49And then one day, she was having a shower or something, and I saw a photo, and it was
23:55her ex-boyfriend, and he had loads of...
23:57Hang on a minute.
23:58That's what this has all been about?
24:00This guy?
24:01And then our hair in the cubby, I had to quickly put it away.
24:04And then that he had a cut on the cubby.
24:05I had to quickly put it away.
24:07And then I had a cubby.
24:08And I had a cubby.
24:09And it was just a look.
24:10And I had to be really keen on.
24:12And she said, I think you'd look better if you grew your hair out.
24:16And so I didn't cut it for a year.
24:17And then one day, she was having a shower or something, and I saw a photo, and it was her
24:22ex-boyfriend, and he had loads of...
24:26Hang on a minute.
24:27Um, by the way, speaking of, you know, romance,
24:32there is a story in the book about the subtle art of seduction
24:38involving you and some, you know, famous A-listers,
24:41including one, the star of Friends, Jennifer Aniston.
24:46Jennifer Aniston, yeah.
24:47Ooh!
24:48Yeah.
24:49Yeah, I know.
24:51Now you're back.
24:52That's good.
24:53Back in the room.
24:55I did a spot on the Prince's Trust, which is a big charity gala.
24:59All kinds of stars come on.
25:02I followed Phil Collins, I think.
25:04I remember following him.
25:06And he was singing a song called Where's My Hat?
25:08And he had his hat on his head.
25:10I remember that, Tony, and I did it.
25:12I talked about it on your radio show,
25:14and you made it into a jingle for ages.
25:17The Where's My Hat song.
25:19He's wearing his hat!
25:21And then Jennifer Aniston came on,
25:23I remember in the party afterwards,
25:25and I'd just done some stand-up about dogs.
25:27And she'd come over and she said,
25:29I like dogs.
25:30Are you really?
25:32I mean, that's someone just opening the door, isn't it?
25:35That's all right.
25:36And I just went, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:39Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:43And then she was gone.
25:45Yeah.
25:46And then the following year,
25:48she married Brad Pitt.
25:49So that really was a very short window.
25:52Then the door was just shut again.
25:55God.
25:57Yeah, she was very... God, she was gorgeous.
26:01I'm sure she still has regrets, you know what I mean?
26:04Time will tell.
26:05Yeah, I think Brad Pitt's her main regret.
26:08I had a similar experience at the Logies this year
26:11with Carrie Ann Kennelly.
26:13Now, Alan, this is great because you two know each other
26:17and I can't do this show alone.
26:19So it's time now for the...
26:22That's right. Over to you, Tony.
26:25Well, Alan, I'm a big fan of a show you did called Whites.
26:28Oh, yeah.
26:29Which was a sitcom shown here on the ABC.
26:31Yeah, yeah.
26:32And in one episode, you had an Australian in it called Mark Little.
26:36Do we know Mark Little? He was Joe Mangle on Neighbours for years.
26:39Neighbours, yeah.
26:40And in this episode, he played a dodgy Australian businessman.
26:44And I'm always wondering...
26:46My question is, did you let him name his own character?
26:51Because I'm not sure that people in England would know what he was talking about when he announced himself.
26:55Can we show a clip of him saying who he is?
26:58Bibb. Bibb Spears.
27:00Daryl Summers. How you going?
27:07That was...
27:08That was big laughs here.
27:10All through the episode, people are going, what's Daryl Summers doing?
27:13I'm assuming it was mystifying in England.
27:16No idea.
27:17Right.
27:18No idea.
27:19Great. It's not really a question. It's just showing a clip.
27:21But anyway.
27:23I've got one last thing to...
27:25I don't know how that got here. Sorry about that.
27:27I wanted to ask you one thing.
27:29I'm about to go into... I'm about to do some acting.
27:32Have you got any tips?
27:35Well, I always say, if in doubt, do nothing.
27:39I can... I can...
27:41Stay completely still.
27:43And then they'll just cut around you.
27:46You'll be fine.
27:48As soon as you start doing things, it goes really wrong.
27:51It's a bit like being a... How's this?
27:53How's this?
27:54Yeah, yeah.
27:56So just do nothing.
27:57If they can cut to that, you see what you did there?
27:58They could just keep going back to that.
28:01I'm feeling good.
28:02I'm playing a character called Daryl Summers, Tony, if you're right.
28:05Alan Davis is touring Australia right now with his stand-up show,
28:09Think Ahead.
28:10Yeah.
28:11And...
28:12Got to think ahead.
28:13What can we expect?
28:14A lot of props?
28:15A couple of songs?
28:16Well...
28:17No.
28:18No props, no songs.
28:19No.
28:20The byline for the show is,
28:21I spend more time in the pharmacy than the gym.
28:28Yeah.
28:29It covers all topics that are relevant to our age.
28:32Alright.
28:33I've got to finish.
28:34Dates all around Australia.
28:35Look out for Alan when he's in your town.
28:37I want to say, one question.
28:38Is it true that you love sun-dried tomatoes?
28:41I really love them, but I think of them as a delicacy.
28:45As in, do you eat them every day?
28:47I'll open a jar and I'll have one or two.
28:49I was on a podcast with Kathryn Ryan, a very funny Canadian comedian,
28:53and she said to me, you know Alan, they're your tomatoes,
28:56you can have the whole jar.
28:58So it was a real revelation to me.
29:01Well, I want you to remember Kathryn Ryan's words as I give you this.
29:06No one leaves empty-handed, Alan.
29:08These are some Sampang Tonight sun-dried tomatoes.
29:11Where are we going over here?
29:12These are for you to do whatever you please.
29:15Ever you please.
29:17Oh, they do look good.
29:19They do look good?
29:20They look really good.
29:21There you go.
29:25Alright.
29:26I want to sincerely say this.
29:27It's been an honour to finally meet you, Alan.
29:29I really appreciate it.
29:30Please thank Alan Davis.
29:32My chap is Priscilla Presley up next.
29:49Welcome back.
29:50Now here's something I still can't get used to.
29:52Having my own show means that sometimes I get to speak to living legends like this.
29:56Priscilla Presley.
29:58What do we have here?
29:59I'm packing JR.
30:00What's a nice girl like me doing waiting on tables?
30:02I have a lot to say.
30:03Being married to Elvis Presley.
30:05I love him to this day.
30:06I have a lot of memories.
30:07How hot?
30:08Wet.
30:09Do you like it?
30:12Now, I caught up with Priscilla Presley during the week,
30:14who has a new book out called Softly As I Leave You.
30:17I actually didn't get sent the book.
30:20But very, very exciting.
30:22I did receive a PDF of the book.
30:26Hey Sam.
30:27Yes, Sam.
30:28All of my books are out on PDF.
30:33I think that makes them easier to pulp then.
30:37But I did get the PDF and I read it cover to cover.
30:40Now this PDF does get a mention in my chat.
30:43Enjoy.
30:45Priscilla Presley.
30:46It's an absolute honour.
30:48I loved the book.
30:49I read it.
30:51Actually, not the book.
30:52The PDF.
30:53Okay.
30:54It was magnificent.
30:56Did you hand write or did you type?
30:58I wrote.
30:59You wrote?
31:00Yes.
31:01Handwritten?
31:02Yes.
31:03Fountain pen?
31:04No.
31:05Your special pen?
31:06No, because I need to erase some things, you know.
31:07I can't do that with a phone.
31:08That's true.
31:09That's true.
31:10That's a good point.
31:11He read philosophy to you at 3am in the morning.
31:14Yes.
31:15And also carried a loaded gun.
31:16Yes.
31:17He sounds like an exciting...
31:18Gross, isn't he?
31:19Yes.
31:20Sounds like there's a lot to unpack there.
31:21Yeah.
31:22Which one did you prefer?
31:23Both.
31:26He would read.
31:27He was a reader.
31:28Yeah.
31:29And he would read sometimes until 3 in the morning.
31:31And he expected me to be there awake too, because he could read to me.
31:34What did you do when you started to get tired?
31:36I started yawning.
31:37Of course, that's what happened.
31:39You know, we would talk and watch TV.
31:41There were some shows there that we would watch continuously.
31:44Same thing with movies.
31:45If he liked a movie, we didn't see it once.
31:48We didn't see it twice.
31:49We didn't see it three times.
31:51We saw it at least 12 times.
31:53Did you ever watch his movies together?
31:56No.
31:57He didn't want to see it.
31:58He didn't want to see himself.
31:59Do you think he would have liked the naked gun?
32:01I do.
32:02I do think he would.
32:03Yes.
32:04Because he loved comedy.
32:05Yeah.
32:06And I think he would really like it.
32:07I've seen it about 12 times too.
32:09It just fills up.
32:10It's so funny still.
32:11Yeah, it is.
32:12Yeah, and he was fun to work with.
32:14Leslie was great.
32:15I miss him very, very much.
32:17I felt he...
32:18We lost him way too soon.
32:19I never met him, but I miss him too.
32:21Yeah.
32:22Also, is it true that when you auditioned or first met him that he sat on a whoopee cushion?
32:29Yes.
32:30Did you know...
32:31I never even heard of a whoopee cushion.
32:32Well, that's one of them there.
32:33Do you remember that?
32:34Don't worry.
32:35I'm not going to...
32:36I carry one just in case.
32:37He just breaks the ice.
32:38But he sat on that and...
32:40Oh no, I sat on it.
32:41Not him.
32:42Right.
32:43Sorry.
32:44I just sat in the chair and I sat down and the darn thing went off.
32:47And I'm like...
32:48I'm like appalled.
32:50But everybody else was laughing knowing this is what he did.
32:54Yeah.
32:55And I just...
32:56You know what I did?
32:57It broke the ice.
32:58Yes.
32:59And we became really good friends after that.
33:02The condom scene.
33:03Uh-huh.
33:04The condom is of that.
33:06I do very much.
33:07Yeah.
33:08We couldn't stop laughing.
33:10It was very...
33:11I think we did ten times.
33:13And...
33:14Oh yeah, really?
33:15The director is going, this is it.
33:16And I kept saying that the whole time anyway.
33:19But Leslie, I had no idea that he was funny because he played serious parts.
33:23Yeah.
33:24But he was so much fun and we had so much laughter that it wasn't even work.
33:29Did you see Baz Luhrmann's movie about Elvis?
33:32Yes, I did see it.
33:33I liked it a lot.
33:34Lisa and I went together.
33:35And, you know, we were, you know, very intense.
33:38We didn't, you know, where he was going with the movie.
33:40Yeah.
33:41But she liked it very much.
33:43Were you happy with the characters who played you and Lisa?
33:45Were you each of them?
33:46Yeah, I thought they did a good job.
33:48I mean, they were very nervous, obviously.
33:50We're watching...
33:51We're gonna...
33:52They know they're gonna...
33:53We're gonna watch the movie.
33:54Yeah.
33:55But they did a great job.
33:56They really did.
33:57They did their homework.
33:58They practiced every day.
33:59You know, they were quite nervous.
34:01I mean, when you're doing a film on someone and they're there who you're doing it about,
34:05watching...
34:06Yeah.
34:07You know, it's nerve-wracking.
34:08And Austin Butler, an Australian, played Elvis.
34:10He was great.
34:11He was great.
34:12Austin was great.
34:13I auditioned for that role.
34:14You did?
34:15Yep.
34:16Oh, God, I would've thought you...
34:17Didn't get a call back.
34:18Oh, dear.
34:19I wonder why.
34:20I've gotta...
34:21I've gotta give this one.
34:22I didn't know you were a comedian, by the way.
34:23What's that?
34:24You didn't?
34:25I didn't know you were a comedian.
34:26After speaking with me for a little while, don't know either.
34:29They don't...
34:30It's...
34:31It's...
34:32It's probably...
34:33They walk away before you can...
34:36Yes.
34:37Alright, this is a big one.
34:38This is in the book.
34:39You said that you wrote that Elvis had a drug-addicted chimpanzee named Scatter.
34:44Uh-huh.
34:45I was interested in, so I did a bit more research.
34:47He loved whiskey...
34:48Uh-huh.
34:49And upskirting.
34:50Uh-huh.
34:51It was a different time back then.
34:52Uh-huh.
34:53Yeah.
34:54What was he...
34:55What was he like?
34:56Scatter?
34:57Scatter was great, but he was so mischievous.
34:58Yeah.
34:59And Elvis loved when he was mischievous.
35:00I love it.
35:01I mean, literally, the cooks would...
35:02At that time, the maids wore dresses.
35:04And Scatter would come in, and while they're cooking, he picks up the dresses.
35:08And they didn't know what to do.
35:10They're going, Scatter, get away from here.
35:12Get away from here, Scatter.
35:13And he'd go...
35:14And he'd start...
35:15He loved it.
35:16So he...
35:17It was almost like he knew he was being funny.
35:19Yeah.
35:20And he was...
35:21He was a trip.
35:22He really was.
35:23Scatter sounds very similar to...
35:24So, Sand Bang Tonight, my show, has a...
35:26Has a mascot.
35:27Uh-huh.
35:28And it's...
35:29It's called Contagious George.
35:30Huh.
35:31And he is a COVID and...
35:32Is this for real?
35:33Yeah, this is the...
35:34Is that a monkey?
35:35Yeah, it's a COVID and STD riddled monkey.
35:37I love it.
35:38Yeah.
35:39And I just...
35:40Can I just see it?
35:41Yeah, absolutely.
35:42That's Contagious George.
35:43Okay.
35:44He's a big hit on the show.
35:45I just want to show everybody this.
35:51This is what you hang out with.
35:52Yeah, he's...
35:53He's a lot of fun.
35:54I reckon him and...
35:55Do you think him and Scatter would have got along well?
35:56No, I think Scatter would run.
36:00Which I'm going to do now.
36:01But before I go, I was just wondering...
36:02Can you...
36:03Do you mind signing my PDF?
36:04Yes, I do.
36:05Thank you very much.
36:06I'll get the book during the week.
36:08Thank you so much.
36:09I really appreciate it.
36:10And thank you so much, Mick.
36:11That has been a lot of fun.
36:14That's right.
36:19Priscilla Presley.
36:20I'm glad you all enjoyed the subtle way I snuck in a
36:23naked gun reference.
36:24I really appreciate that.
36:25I didn't get the book during the week, but I will treasure
36:27this signed PDF from Priscilla Presley forever.
36:30Check out her tour.
36:31An audience with the Priscilla Presley life after Elvis.
36:34More Sampang tonight in a moment.
36:36Cheers.
36:37Cheers.
36:38Cheers.
36:39Cheers.
36:40Cheers.
36:41Cheers.
36:42Cheers.
36:43Cheers.
36:44Cheers.
36:46Cheers.
36:47Cheers.
36:48Cheers.
36:49Cheers.
36:50Cheers.
36:51Welcome back.
36:52Sam Pang tonight.
36:53We've had Alan Davis.
36:54We've had Priscilla Presley.
36:56Tony Martin, you're still here?
36:57Yes.
36:58Cheers.
36:59No, it's so wonderful to hear.
37:01Now, listen, we talked about arseless chaps earlier on,
37:04but anything else to promote?
37:06My podcast, Sizzletown, the 100th episode comes out next week.
37:11Yeah, well done.
37:13It's so...
37:15Just for those who haven't listened to it,
37:18because it's a very, very popular podcast,
37:20but those who haven't heard it, how would you describe it?
37:22It's a fake talkback show where I play the host
37:25and all of the callers.
37:27So for eight years, I've been sitting in a wardrobe
37:32in my house talking to myself.
37:34And for most of that time,
37:37a child who lives in the house next door to me
37:39has been learning to play the tuba.
37:42So I'll literally be 20 seconds into a bit
37:45and it'll just be...
37:48It sounds like a cartoon drunk is walking up the street.
37:52When will he learn?
37:55Yeah.
37:56It's great to have you on the show.
37:57Usually in this segment, we have the great Oliver Clark
38:00with the News Lounge.
38:01Now, I love Oliver Clark's News Lounge
38:03and I have to say, a thing he did on his first appearance,
38:07I cannot...
38:08In our house, if Erin Patterson comes on TV,
38:12we just automatically start singing...
38:14Mushroom Lady.
38:16Talking about Mushroom Lady.
38:20And I think she's having like a retrial next year
38:23and if Oliver isn't there singing that song
38:25as she walks into the courtroom,
38:27there is something seriously wrong with justice in this country.
38:31Well said, Tony.
38:33Hey, you often describe yourself as a comedy icon
38:36and...
38:38Speaking of comedy icons,
38:39Aunty Donna have been making hilarious sketch comedy
38:42for over a decade.
38:43There they are, the boys, Mark, Broden and Zach.
38:46Now, they're about to head out on tour.
38:48One problem, Zach is nowhere to be found.
38:51So this week, Mark and Broden held auditions to replace him.
38:54Here's how they went.
39:03How'd you go?
39:04What's up for him?
39:06Good luck.
39:12Who's next?
39:13So I think Shannon Knoll.
39:15Yeah.
39:16Hello.
39:17Are you ready?
39:18Okay.
39:19Is there a desk?
39:20No, I don't think so.
39:21Well, anyway, I'm up for anything.
39:22What do you want?
39:23How much work have you done with pool noodles?
39:26I'm ready.
39:28Okay.
39:29Now we're cooking.
39:31This I like.
39:33That's awesome.
39:34Damn it.
39:37That was really good.
39:38Really good.
39:39I loved it.
39:40Alright, I'm starting to flounder.
39:41I've got one more.
39:42Stay there.
39:43Yeah.
39:44So we said he's starting to flounder,
39:45so maybe when he comes back in I'll be Sebastian
39:47and you'll keep doing nothing.
39:48What do you reckon?
39:53Oh, yeah.
39:54That's just awful.
39:55Well, thanks, Sam.
39:56We'll let you know.
39:57We'll be in contact.
40:04Has someone done the banana?
40:05Yes, but not this well.
40:07I can get on board with this.
40:08Sir, I've never been horning it.
40:11I'm going to peel you up and eat you right now.
40:12Let's do it.
40:13I want to see your skin.
40:14I can do brown as well.
40:15No, no, no, no.
40:16It's not necessary.
40:17I wouldn't think so.
40:19Let's not go brown.
40:20Okay.
40:21I don't mind this banana.
40:22You've got the gig.
40:23This is fantastic.
40:24That's great.
40:25Thanks, Andrew.
40:26We'll be in touch, Andrew Denton.
40:28That's great.
40:29Wow, Tom.
40:30I thought it was yours.
40:33Quite the betrayal for you there, Tom.
40:35I thought you were happy on this show.
40:37Aunty Donna are touring this December.
40:39Check them out.
40:40It's an amazing show, so don't miss it.
40:42Now, moving on, we've been flooded with questions
40:45about our mascot, Contagious George.
40:48Has he got a podcast?
40:50Is he going to schoolies?
40:51Is he dating Priscilla Presley?
40:53Yes to all of the above, by the way.
40:56This week, though, we've got huge news, Tone.
40:58Really?
40:59Contagious George is branching out,
41:01and he's released a new fragrance.
41:02No.
41:03That's right.
41:04Now, of course, we're all familiar with the fragrance ads
41:06such as this.
41:08Sauvage Lixier.
41:18Johnny Depp there, Tone.
41:19Yeah.
41:20You know who loves that fragrance?
41:21Who?
41:22Amber Heard.
41:23Just tipping it down the sink.
41:27Well, based on that, by the way,
41:29it's time now for the world premiere
41:31of Contagious George's new fragrance.
41:34Hazel James Bright,
42:02Contagion by George.
42:13You can catch anything.
42:20Here it is.
42:22Look at that.
42:25By the way, here we go, just for someone in the crowd there.
42:29Look at that.
42:30STDs for all of you now.
42:31That's great.
42:32By the way, Contagion by George is available at Chemist Warehouse.
42:35You'll find it next to the Chlamydia Antibiotics.
42:39Back in a moment with the Wheel of Segments.
42:52Welcome back.
42:54But just before we finish, it's time for the...
42:57Wheel of Segments.
43:00Let's do that again.
43:02It's time for the...
43:03Wheel of Segments.
43:06All righty.
43:07Here we go.
43:08Let's see what we've got.
43:09We all know how it works, don't we?
43:11Wheel of Segments, of course, brought to you this week by Contagion by George.
43:14And Who Gives a Shit Magazine.
43:17All right.
43:18We know how it works, Tone.
43:19I'm going to give it a spin wherever it lands.
43:21That's where we go, okay?
43:23What have we got on there?
43:24So many to choose from, Tone.
43:26I think there's one about me, is there there?
43:28Which one is it?
43:29Tony Martin debates a toddler.
43:31Oh.
43:33And it's going to be immigration, so it's going to be an excellent one.
43:38Ozempic or heroin.
43:40Oh, wow.
43:41Audience cage fight.
43:42Name that disorder.
43:43There's so...
43:44There's lots going on here.
43:45There's so many we don't want it to stop.
43:47Rickshaw karaoke.
43:48It has land on that before.
43:49It's in Rogers and I.
43:50That was fantastic.
43:51And where are we up to?
43:52Oh, Tone, you're in chance.
43:53Hang on.
43:53What's this going on?
43:54WWF.
43:55I don't even know what that is.
43:56Audience cage fight.
43:57Real Housewives of Pitcairn Island.
43:59Okay.
44:00Let's just hope it lands shortly because we're running out of time.
44:04Is that...
44:05WWF?
44:07WWF it's landed on.
44:08What?
44:09What's WWF?
44:11Let's find out what that is.
44:17The Wrestling Weather Federation.
44:20Wow.
44:21Come with me.
44:23There's a current trend of wrestlers pivoting to acting and broadcasting.
44:27So here to present the forecast from the Wrestling Weather Federation, we have...
44:31The Weatherman!
44:40Thank you for being here, Weatherman.
44:42I'm loving your energy.
44:42Tell me what's happening around the country.
44:44It's Mr Weatherman to you, pencil neck!
44:49In Sydney, expect cloudy skies and temperatures will warm into the low to mid-twenties with
44:55the gentle breeze coming through the south-west in the afternoon.
45:01Gentle breeze.
45:02Gentle breeze.
45:02Gentle breeze in Brisbane.
45:04Amazing.
45:05What about, uh...
45:06That wasn't in Brisbane.
45:07That was in, um...
45:09No, it's Sydney!
45:10Sydney!
45:10Sorry, I'm so sorry.
45:11You point next to us!
45:12Sorry.
45:13Sorry.
45:13I'm really into this.
45:14All right.
45:14Mr Weatherman, what about Brisbane?
45:16It's gonna rain!
45:17Well, listen to you, you little twerp.
45:21All right.
45:22There's a storm coming, brother.
45:24Heavy, gusty winds and downpours all night long.
45:28So get an umbrella unless you wanna get wet!
45:34Mr Weatherman!
45:35Oh, you're gonna get soaked!
45:37Oh, you're gonna get wet!
45:38All right.
45:39Oh, yes!
45:40It's just, it's just...
45:42Oh, yes!
45:42All right.
45:43Mr Weatherman, I'm loving your energy.
45:45This has hyped him.
45:46But just, uh, just before we get to Perth,
45:48could you just do a straight one for the people in Perth?
45:50Tomorrow looks picture perfect.
45:5326 degrees and plenty of bright, uninterrupted sunshine
45:56from morning through late afternoon.
45:58Wow.
45:58I love that.
45:59That's great.
46:00But on the weekend,
46:0120% chance of rain
46:03and a 100% chance
46:06of rain!
46:09What the hell's going on?
46:11Whoa!
46:12All right.
46:13Sorry, Mr Weatherman.
46:14We're just having a...
46:15We need to IT.
46:16Whoa!
46:17Oh, my God!
46:22Turn!
46:23Yes!
46:24One, two, and all three!
46:27Yes!
46:29Sand paint to the wall!
46:30Yes!
46:31Woo-hoo!
46:33Boom!
46:34Whoa!
46:35All right.
46:36That's...
46:37That's our show.
46:38Big thanks to our amazing guests,
46:40Alan Davies, Priscilla Presley,
46:41Aunty Donna,
46:42my special guest now,
46:43to Tony Martin,
46:44the weatherman,
46:46the IT guy,
46:47rest in peace.
46:48Next week,
46:49Holland Hay,
46:50Tom Catherman,
46:51Becky Lucas,
46:51our final show for the season.
46:54Good night, Australia.
46:54Good night, Australia.
46:54And the low-pressure truck will cause widespread instability across the state tomorrow.
47:04Hey, sorry, sorry, what's the top thing for today?
47:06Oh, we're just live, but 17 in showers.
47:09Oh, okay.
47:09Thanks, sorry.
47:10Mushroom lady.
47:13Mushroom lady.
47:14Talking about mushroom lady.
47:17Mushroom lady.
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