- 7 hours ago
Happy's Place - Season 2 Episode 3 -
Straw Man
Straw Man
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00These are the three finalists, Chance, Buddy, and Gunner.
00:04Are you picking out a rescue dog?
00:05No, a baby daddy.
00:09We can order anything online these days.
00:12She's not ordering a person.
00:15She's just interested in their, you know, contributions.
00:20How do you like to open that package by mistake?
00:27Sorry.
00:28Yeah, sorry, I forgot this is serious business.
00:32It is, and your juvenile jokes are making it harder for Gabby to make a decision.
00:37There's just so many to choose from, and they're all so different.
00:41Well, I know one thing they got in common.
00:44They all needed a hundred bucks.
00:48That's funny. You're funny.
00:49You're funny.
00:52And why isn't it juvenile when Emmett makes a joke?
00:56Well, zip it, that's why.
00:58Oh, my God, you still haven't picked a donor yet?
01:02Well, I just don't want to make a mistake.
01:04Okay, what do you like most about the three candidates?
01:07Well, Gunner is from Australia, and I think it would be so cute if my baby had an accent.
01:12Yeah.
01:13Good day, Mom.
01:18Okay, Gunner's out.
01:19What about the other two?
01:21Honestly, my clear favorite is Chance.
01:25Then what's the problem?
01:26It is such a dumb name.
01:28I mean, am I really supposed to take a chance on Chance?
01:31We don't care about his name.
01:34We only care about what's in his jeans, and yes, I heard that.
01:40Look, I don't know why you are getting so upset.
01:43Gabby, we've been doing this for weeks, and we're no closer to making a decision than when we started.
01:48Well, I am sorry, but this is not at all how I imagined it.
01:51You know, someday my kid's going to ask me, Mommy, how did you meet Daddy?
01:55And I'll say, Daddy was mailed to Mommy's house in a sterile straw packed in dry ice.
02:02Excuse me, I have to go tell Emmett something.
02:07Gabby, I can't pretend to know what you're going through.
02:11And I know it's odd, but trust me, nobody else does.
02:21I need to go tell Emmett something.
02:29All right, Gabby, we've seen everybody.
02:31It's time to make a decision.
02:33Chance.
02:35I picked Chance.
02:35You mean it?
02:36Yes.
02:37Almost.
02:38Maybe.
02:39You know what?
02:40Let's just draw straws.
02:44That was a poor choice of words.
02:48Excuse me, I've got to go tell Emmett something.
02:51Sometimes it feels like a big old fight
02:57To get through the day and sleep on through the night
03:01But here you'll find a place
03:03That'll surely lift your spirits
03:06You belong in Hat Beach Place
03:09It's okay, sweetie.
03:14We'll figure something out.
03:16Thanks, Daddy.
03:17Hey, what's wrong?
03:19Give me an extra credit assignment.
03:20And it's just not coming together.
03:22Sounds like it calls for root beer.
03:25Can I, Dad?
03:26No is what will tell your mom.
03:31Just so you know, Kimmy,
03:32I lived for extra credit when I was your age.
03:35What was it?
03:37Extra paper?
03:39Bonus worksheet?
03:39Re-enacting the signing of the Declaration of Independence
03:43With all of your friends?
03:45She was trying to get an entrepreneur
03:47To come and talk to class.
03:49But apparently Beyonce was busy.
03:51She aims I.
03:53As did Beyonce.
03:55I don't know.
03:56Maybe I should just lower my expectations.
03:58Maybe.
03:59People definitely told me to do that
04:01When I was your age.
04:03Did you?
04:03No.
04:05I sent 15 emails to German Chancellor Angela Merkel
04:08Until she agreed to a two-minute phone interview
04:10For my school paper.
04:13Really?
04:14Really.
04:15You won't know what you're capable of
04:17Until you try.
04:18So, keep shooting for the stars.
04:21Wow.
04:22Are you busy Tuesday?
04:24Because I'd love it if you'd speak to my class.
04:26In the words of Angela Merkel.
04:29Yeah!
04:33That's so sweet of you, Isabella.
04:36Aw.
04:38Understudy to Beyonce.
04:41Not bad.
04:50Hey.
04:52Are you still mad at me
04:53For taking so long to choose a baby daddy?
04:55I'm not mad at you, Gabby.
04:56I'm just frustrated.
04:58I wish you'd make a decision.
04:59Well, in that case,
05:00I think there is someone
05:02That you should meet.
05:03Come on.
05:04Come on.
05:04Come on.
05:07Well, where is this person?
05:09Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
05:13Whoa.
05:13Who's that?
05:16Chance.
05:17Chance, chance.
05:19Like a ticket chance on Chance, chance.
05:22Yeah.
05:23Steve found him on the internet
05:24And then he lured him here
05:26With a coupon for a free hamburger and fries.
05:29You did what?
05:30I know.
05:30I told Steve he didn't need to add the fries,
05:32But he insisted.
05:34I don't care about the fries.
05:35What is he doing here?
05:37Well, if I'm going to choose him,
05:38I need to get to know the man behind the profile.
05:41That's a dumb idea.
05:42I think I want to pick him.
05:43You're a genius.
05:44All that is left is for you to meet him
05:47And give him the final seal of approval.
05:49Why?
05:51Why do you need my opinion?
05:53Because you have good judgment,
05:54And I bought a timeshare in my 20s.
05:59Fine.
06:01Well, I like him.
06:02He chews with his mouth closed,
06:04And he's a clippopotamus.
06:06That's what we coupon clippers call each other.
06:08Who knew that world was so clever?
06:14Hey, I'm Bobby.
06:15I own this place.
06:17How's things going so far?
06:18Great.
06:18Thanks.
06:19You know, this is like the friendliest bar I've ever been to.
06:21I haven't met your accountant.
06:25Well, we like to feel that every guest
06:28Could be a part of the family.
06:33Sorry, inside joke.
06:35Okay.
06:36Well, it was really nice to meet you.
06:38Well, you know, I'm not in a rush.
06:40Why don't we just chat for a little bit?
06:43Oh, um...
06:45Look, I'm flattered,
06:47But I'm not really into women, you know,
06:50In your demographic.
06:51Oh, no, no, no.
06:56I'm just one of those super-friendly type owners,
06:58That's all.
06:59Excuse me, did I hear you say you were the owner?
07:01I'm busy!
07:06Tell me about your family.
07:07I think I should maybe leave.
07:09Oh, no, wait.
07:10Don't go.
07:11I know this seems a little weird.
07:13Oh, no, no, not at all.
07:14I'm only leaving because this is so normal.
07:19I just need ten minutes of your time
07:21To get to know you better.
07:22But I don't want that.
07:25I'm gonna come clean with you.
07:26It's very simple.
07:28My friend wants to have a baby,
07:30And she sent me over here
07:31To see if you're as good as your profile.
07:33That's her right there.
07:34My anonymous profile?
07:39So you cyber-stalked and tricked me
07:40Just to get me over here?
07:42Yeah, or bad.
07:46But looky there, you got a free burger.
07:48And fries.
07:49So, um, is everything going okay?
07:54No, there is no way
07:55I am letting you weirdos have my baby.
07:57I am calling the sperm bank
07:58And putting a stop to this.
08:00Tell your friends about happies.
08:05Yeah, I think we can do better.
08:07Why did you tell him
08:13That I wanted him to be my donor?
08:15When has honesty ever made anything better?
08:20I was just trying to help.
08:22Besides, you have two more finalists.
08:24I can't use them now.
08:25They're second choice.
08:27And my baby deserves the best.
08:29Oh, how does this happen?
08:33Everybody around here acts crazy
08:35But I always wind up looking like the crazy one.
08:37Well, I'm not the crazy one, okay?
08:43She's not going to convince anyone
08:45Making that argument.
08:48I don't know what to do, Steve.
08:50I just wish I could pick someone
08:52That I already knew was a good person.
08:54Well, if you need to know the guy
08:56Why don't you pick someone
08:58You already know?
08:59Yeah, well, most people that I know best
09:01Work here.
09:02And Dakota's already got a bunch of kids.
09:04And I can't use any of our regulars.
09:06I know how much they drink.
09:11Hello?
09:12You never asked me.
09:13Well, that's because
09:14I didn't think you would.
09:16No, I never would.
09:20But it's nice to be asked.
09:23You know, actually
09:24You know who'd be best?
09:26Emmett.
09:27He's tall.
09:28He's handsome.
09:28Hair loss skips a generation.
09:31Plus, you know,
09:32His combed jeans would even out,
09:34You know,
09:34All of this.
09:37Too bad he's too old.
09:38Oh, he's not too old.
09:40Al Pacino had a kid at 83.
09:42Yeah, and Al Pacino's the one
09:43In the stroller.
09:46Don't be ridiculous.
09:47Men don't lose their fertility
09:49Or their looks.
09:50That's how you know
09:52God is a man.
09:55Tell me the truth.
09:57Am I a bad friend?
09:59No, you're the best friend
10:00Anybody could ever have.
10:02Except for maybe
10:02Willy Wonka.
10:05I'm serious.
10:06I'd do anything for Gabby.
10:09But when she finally makes a decision,
10:11I immediately blow it.
10:12Willy Wonka drowned a kid in chocolate.
10:18What?
10:19Well, she's nervous.
10:21Having a baby's the biggest thing
10:23A person could do.
10:24I didn't know you felt that way.
10:26Well, sure I do.
10:27Why wouldn't I?
10:30Look, I'm sorry you felt lousy.
10:33If it'll help,
10:34Why don't you just punch me?
10:35What good would that do?
10:40Always help my brother.
10:43Bobby, hit me.
10:45I mean...
10:47All right, I'll tell you what.
10:54Okay, just...
10:56Ew.
10:59What is it, Steve?
11:00I just wanted to give Emmett
11:01a quick heads up.
11:03This is unlikely to happen,
11:04but it's Gabby, so it could.
11:06Uh-oh.
11:07What's the problem?
11:08She might want your seed
11:09to grow a baby.
11:12What?
11:16That's a good one, Steve.
11:17No, I'm serious.
11:19She was saying how
11:19there was no reason
11:20Emmett couldn't do this
11:21and compared him to Al Pacino
11:22in a stroller,
11:23so kind of a compliment.
11:26Anyway,
11:27I'm gonna go wash my eyes out.
11:31Huh.
11:34Yeah.
11:35Huh.
11:40Are you nervous
11:41about talking to the kids?
11:43Nervous?
11:44Nah.
11:46I'm looking forward
11:47to inspiring young minds.
11:50You know?
11:51Filling them with my knowledge.
11:53That's nice.
11:55I'd be nervous.
11:57Hi, Dad.
12:00Hi, Miss Sanchez.
12:01We're ready.
12:05Good luck.
12:10Hi, everybody.
12:11Class, let's welcome our guest.
12:13Hi, Miss Sanchez.
12:15Welcome, Miss Sanchez.
12:16Thank you for doing this interview.
12:18It's my pleasure.
12:19And you can call me Isabella.
12:21Thank you, Isabella.
12:22Now, before we start,
12:23I just want to say
12:26I am so pleased
12:29to be here with you all.
12:31I want you to know
12:31that I once sat
12:32exactly where you're sitting.
12:35So when you look at me,
12:37don't just think
12:38of what I've done.
12:40Think
12:41of where I've come from.
12:46So wonderful.
12:48What made you first
12:49want to start your own business?
12:50Well, actually,
12:51the business was started
12:52before I came on board.
12:54Oh, so you worked your way up.
12:55Yeah, you could say that.
12:57But it wouldn't be true.
13:00See, what had happened
13:01was I woke up one morning
13:02and checked my email
13:03and my dad had left me a tavern.
13:06And you were ready
13:06to step up to the plate.
13:08Yes.
13:09Yes.
13:09A great definition of luck
13:11is when preparation
13:13meets opportunity.
13:17And you were prepared
13:18because you went
13:19to business school?
13:21No.
13:22Actually,
13:23I studied psychology.
13:25Oh, so you're also
13:26a psychologist.
13:27No.
13:29But I did get into
13:31Stanford Graduate School.
13:33Stanford?
13:34Wow, that must have been
13:35so stimulating.
13:36I assume it is.
13:39But I haven't gone yet
13:40because I took a gap year
13:41two years ago.
13:44Oh, is it getting hot in here?
13:45Look, I'm trying
13:48to make you look good,
13:49but you've got to
13:49work with me.
13:52Well, there is more
13:54to life than your career.
13:55You know, one of the
13:56hardest things to achieve
13:57is a successful
13:57work-life balance, right?
14:00Yeah.
14:00That's right.
14:01So tell us about
14:02your social life.
14:03Do you have a husband?
14:04No.
14:06A boyfriend?
14:08No.
14:08What do you do
14:11after work?
14:12Well, most nights
14:13I go home.
14:14Is it too much
14:15to hope you own
14:16your own home?
14:18No, it's my sister's.
14:22But I do have
14:24my own bathroom.
14:25Oh.
14:32Hey.
14:33Hey.
14:33Look, Bobby,
14:37about what Steve said.
14:38Yeah.
14:39Oh, hey, Emmett.
14:40Looking good.
14:41Those new pants?
14:43No.
14:44I mean, yes,
14:45they are,
14:46but, you know,
14:47I'm returning them.
14:52Jeez.
14:52Learn to take
14:53a compliment.
14:56Yeah, you got him there.
14:58That man cannot
14:59take a compliment.
15:01That's one of his
15:02many, many
15:02genetic flaws.
15:06Why are you
15:06putting down Emmett?
15:07Oh, it's not his fault.
15:08It's just bad breeding.
15:10Yeah.
15:11Let's just say
15:12that Emmett's family tree
15:13is more like
15:13the crazy bush.
15:17Thank you so much
15:18for helping, Kimmy.
15:18She really appreciated it.
15:20It was my pleasure.
15:24Give me anything,
15:25I don't care.
15:26As long as it makes me
15:27forget everything
15:27since I woke up
15:28this morning.
15:30Oh, that's right.
15:32You were with
15:3311-year-olds today.
15:34Yeah.
15:35Give her the good rum.
15:36Yeah.
15:38You know,
15:38the 11-year-old girl
15:39that lives next door to me
15:40told me that I looked
15:41like an emotional eater.
15:46No, no.
15:47Kimmy was
15:48perfectly nice.
15:50And yet,
15:50somehow,
15:51she still managed
15:52to reach into my soul
15:54and go...
15:55They're just kids, Isabella.
15:58don't take them
15:59so seriously.
16:00No, I'm gonna.
16:02She made me face
16:02some uncomfortable
16:03truths about myself.
16:04Ugh.
16:05Uncomfortable truths
16:06are my least favorite ones.
16:09You know,
16:09ever since I found out
16:10about Happy,
16:11I've been letting
16:12circumstances run my life.
16:14I think it's
16:14finally time I took
16:15charge of it myself.
16:16Well, that's a very
16:17healthy attitude.
16:19Yeah.
16:20Tough issues
16:20don't get settled
16:21by ignoring them.
16:22very true.
16:27Wait, where are you going?
16:29I'm gonna go
16:30talk to Emmett.
16:33Hey.
16:35Hey.
16:36Okay, one of us
16:37is gonna have
16:38to address this.
16:39Now, if you wanna be
16:40the father of Gabby's baby,
16:42I don't have a...
16:43I don't wanna do that.
16:44Oh, thank God.
16:47What in the world
16:48would you think that for?
16:49You were the one
16:50that was going on
16:51about how having a baby
16:52is the most important
16:53thing a person could do.
16:55It was one sentence.
16:58I know it was one sentence,
17:00but you only do
17:00about three of them a day.
17:03I was afraid
17:04you wanted me to.
17:06You said you'd do
17:07anything for Gabby.
17:08I would do anything
17:09for Gabby,
17:10but there's plenty
17:10I don't want you to do.
17:14Go here.
17:15I absolutely
17:20am crazy
17:21about you.
17:22And I don't wanna do
17:23anything that would
17:24jeopardize this.
17:26Okay, great.
17:27But what is this?
17:29Bobby,
17:30this is a magical time
17:32in a relationship
17:33where you're allowed
17:35to tell me not
17:35to impregnate
17:36other women.
17:36I should go
17:46talk to Gabby.
17:47You know what?
17:48Let me do that.
17:49I may have something
17:49to offer.
17:52You're only offering
17:53words, right?
17:55We'll see how it goes.
18:03Oh, hey.
18:03Listen, I need
18:05to talk to you.
18:06Is it about the pants?
18:09It was a compliment.
18:13Look,
18:14if I'm wrong,
18:15and I'm pretty sure
18:16I am,
18:17saying this is gonna
18:19be embarrassing
18:20as hell.
18:21What are you
18:22talking about?
18:24I can't be your donor.
18:25Oh, my God!
18:36Okay,
18:37Evan,
18:37I mean,
18:38how would that
18:39even work?
18:40I mean,
18:40you and I
18:41would have a baby
18:42together while you're
18:42dating my best friend?
18:45I mean,
18:45I like country songs.
18:46I don't wanna be one.
18:52Okay,
18:53I'm sorry.
18:53I'm sorry.
18:54I didn't mean to laugh.
18:56So what exactly
18:57is your plan
18:57at this point?
18:58I don't know,
18:59okay?
19:01I think I'm just gonna
19:02put this whole
19:03pregnancy thing
19:04on hold
19:04until I can get
19:05some clarity.
19:06Well,
19:06clarity takes time,
19:07Gabby,
19:08and excuse me
19:09for saying this,
19:10but it's not something
19:11that you have
19:12a lot of right now.
19:14This isn't an easy
19:15decision to make.
19:16I understand totally.
19:18It wasn't an easy
19:19decision when I made it.
19:20What?
19:22I mean,
19:23you thought about
19:24having kids?
19:25Sure.
19:26I still wonder
19:28once in a while
19:29what it'd be like
19:29to have a
19:30Emma Jr.
19:32to take fishing,
19:33you know?
19:34Aw.
19:35Or little Emily
19:36standing on my shoes
19:38while I teach her
19:40how to dance.
19:41Yeah.
19:43But I made the decision
19:44not to.
19:45And on the whole,
19:48do you think
19:48it was the right choice?
19:50Hell,
19:51I don't know.
19:52I think so,
19:53but who knows?
19:54Point is,
19:55it was my choice.
19:56If you put off
19:57the decision much longer,
19:59choice will be made
20:01for you, Gabby.
20:04Hey, Emmett,
20:05do you think
20:09I'd be a good mom?
20:12I think you'd make
20:13a hell of a mom,
20:14Gabby.
20:20I don't hear
20:21any words.
20:26Okay, Gabby,
20:27show us who you picked.
20:28Okay,
20:29my baby daddy
20:30is going to be
20:31Luigi.
20:33Aw,
20:34he's adorable.
20:35Oh,
20:35he's got such
20:42kind eyes
20:43and that chin
20:43would look so cute
20:44on a baby.
20:47Oh,
20:48great baby skin.
20:50Great earlobes.
20:53All that's left
20:54is for me to enter
20:55my credit card number
20:56and Luigi's DNA
20:58will be on its way
20:59to my house.
21:02And done.
21:03Game!
21:04Hey, I'm so proud
21:05of you, honey.
21:07Wow.
21:08I just made a baby.
21:11Come in.
21:11I like to cuddle after.
21:12Yeah.
21:13I like that.
21:14Okay.
21:16I guys do it.
21:17I don't care.
21:20Hey, hun,
21:21I must have
21:22inaudible.
21:23Layla,
21:23I have to
21:24as
21:26a
21:28jewels.
21:28I
21:29owe you
21:29to
21:30me
21:31to
21:31tas
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