- 8 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00Let's firm up those plans then, eh?
00:02You, me, a bottle of pop and a large fish supper.
00:06What about the kid?
00:08Well, Malcolm.
00:10Suppose I can ask him to stick a Savaloy in as well.
00:12I mean, he's not going to be there too, is he?
00:14Not again!
00:16I've bought my Walkman, he can't hear a thing, I promise.
00:19You can make as much noise as you like.
00:22Jackie Moskrip, you're a terrible father.
00:25Yeah, but my great...
00:26I'll see you Saturday.
00:28Both of you.
00:40They really are the most glorious things in the world, Malcolm.
00:44Forget the flowers.
00:46When I die, I want the church filled with beautiful women.
00:49Wall-to-wall stone foxes.
00:51No pigs.
00:53No eulogy.
00:55Come on.
00:57It would be great if you could come to my dad's funeral.
00:59I don't think so.
01:00Sorry.
01:03Have you got...
01:04Are you sure you want me to do all these bats with lure pack, Gemma?
01:07It's very expensive.
01:08Just use what's in the fridge.
01:10All I'm saying is I can do you a mix of spreads that will bring the cost down without necessarily diminishing the taste.
01:15The key thing is to whip the store cup, add a bit of salt, a tiny bit of lard, and then add whatever butter of your choice before rounding it out.
01:23You just use what's in the fridge.
01:25I could save you up to two pounds, Gemma.
01:27I don't care about two pounds.
01:28And that attitude is why you'll never be a businesswoman and I'm the OG boss bitch.
01:32I don't care.
01:35Dad.
01:36How are you feeling?
01:38I still don't manage to get any beautiful women to come to the funeral.
01:42Are you cheeky?
01:43I'll be there.
01:45I killed him and then I let him down.
01:47Oh my God, you need to stop this.
01:49You didn't kill him.
01:50He was on the list for a triple heart bypass.
01:52Those pills were the only things keeping him alive.
01:55And you've written such a lovely eulogy.
01:57He always said he didn't want one.
01:59Well, I bet he didn't want to eat his mad sandwich bed either, but that's what he's getting.
02:02Look, you've done the hard part, now you just need to read it out.
02:05You'll say something nice though.
02:07Nobody wants to hear the truth at a funeral.
02:10Morning!
02:12Here you go, one eulogy.
02:14Oh, I changed the font from Impact to Times New Roman.
02:16Felt like the respectful thing to do.
02:18Perfect, thanks.
02:19Go on, mate, go cry it out.
02:20Oh, can I have one of those?
02:21I skipped breakfast.
02:22I've been fasting.
02:23Found a rat in my breadwin.
02:25Ew.
02:26Excuse fingers.
02:27These are for Jackie.
02:28I hate to break it to you, ladies, but Jackie's...
02:32Fine.
02:35Fucking hell.
02:36You get less food at a mafia funeral.
02:38Unless, of course, you've invited all of Jackie's exes, in which case it's not enough.
02:41You pig.
02:42Gemma's been working really hard on that buffet all week.
02:44Oh!
02:45Oh!
02:46Oh!
02:47Oh!
02:48Oh!
02:49Oh!
02:50Oh!
02:51Oh!
02:52Oh!
02:53Oh!
02:54Oh!
02:55Oh!
02:56Oh!
02:57Oh!
02:58You can see a terror!
03:01Disgusting!
03:04Shit.
03:06Shit.
03:07Oh!
03:08Jogging bottoms at a funeral, eh?
03:09I admire the sentiment, King.
03:10One last fuck you to the old man.
03:11Not doing that!
03:12Why would you think I was doing that?
03:13I'm not doing that!
03:14Relax, Malcolm.
03:15It was a JK.
03:16This is the last thing I'll ever get to do for him.
03:18I just want today to be appropriate, alright?
03:21And I thought I bought a suit from the charity shop and I can't find it now.
03:24I mean, what if I didn't buy it?
03:25Eh?
03:26What if I just dreamt it?
03:27Gemma!
03:28Fucking hell.
03:29I got a suit from the charity shop, didn't I?
03:31Yeah.
03:32I took it to the dry cleaners, like you asked.
03:33Well, where is it now?
03:34Probably still there.
03:35I gave you the receipt.
03:36Did you?
03:37I can't bet I've lost the receipt.
03:38I've lost the receipt!
03:39Dad, it's fine.
03:40You've got loads of time, okay?
03:41You can go down there now and just give them your name.
03:43What?
03:44It's Malcolm Moskrip.
03:45I can write it down to you if you want.
03:46Gemma, do you have any fancy bowls?
03:48What kind of bowls?
03:49Well, I wanted to decant the coleslaw from the plastic tubs into something nice.
03:53Show a bit of respect.
03:54Oh, that's lovely.
03:55I can use that.
03:57That's an ashtray.
03:58That was my grandad's.
03:59It's fucking filthy is what it is.
04:00Yeah, I can wash it, Gemma.
04:02If I have to.
04:03He's dead now, of course.
04:04Will you use a normal bowl, Rita?
04:06Yeah, but I can't find any.
04:08Oh, I could decant it into a mug.
04:10No.
04:11We're not serving coleslaw from a mug at my grandfather's wake.
04:14You know what I've just realised?
04:17I'm finally an orphan.
04:20Dad.
04:22Right, you take him to get his suit.
04:24Roger that.
04:25Come on, little orphan Annie.
04:26Starts at 86 minutes, isn't it?
04:28Yeah, we'll meet you at the crematorium.
04:30And Rita, I'll find you something for the coleslaw.
04:34Something fancy.
04:35Right, Kerry there.
04:36Won't let me have a mug.
04:37Mm-hm.
04:38For your grief.
04:39I like a sexy little bit.
04:40Can we go in yours?
04:41Why?
04:42It's nicer, isn't it?
04:43Than the Jag.
04:44No, it fucking isn't.
04:45Surely you want to arrive in your dad's classic car.
04:46It was his pride and joy.
04:47I can't.
04:48I can't.
04:49If I drive it, it means he's really dead, doesn't it?
04:53Malcolm, I think the fact that we're setting fire to him later is enough to suggest that he's really dead.
04:54Look, it's been over a month.
04:55You've got to drive it sometime, King.
04:56Yeah, well I will, just not today, alright?
04:57Jesus, alright?
04:58Such a baby.
04:59Okay.
05:00Surely you want to arrive in your dad's classic car.
05:02It was his pride and joy.
05:03I can't.
05:05If I drive it, it means he's really dead, doesn't it?
05:07Malcolm, I think the fact that we're setting fire to him later
05:10is enough to suggest that he's really dead.
05:14Look, it's been over a month.
05:16You've got to drive it sometime, King.
05:17Yeah, well, I will, just not today, all right?
05:19Jesus, all right?
05:22Such a baby.
05:27Okay.
05:27Oh, could somebody help us?
05:30Are you all right?
05:31Oh, God.
05:32Sounded like a sloppy one.
05:34All right, you just don't get any on you.
05:35I'll take care of this.
05:36Hiya.
05:37Thanks, babe.
05:37Oh, God, you are a stinky bum today.
05:40Hey.
05:48Oh, Sadie didn't shit herself on purpose.
05:53Just wish I'd taken more photos of her and Grandad.
05:55Oh, lovey.
05:58Now it's too late.
05:59No, it isn't.
06:00Don't say that.
06:01It's never too late.
06:03Rita, it is too late.
06:05They can do anything with computers these days, Gemma.
06:07If you want, I can get you a picture of Sadie, Jackie, Jesus and Freddie Mercury.
06:12You're all inside a barn that's floated out to sea.
06:15I know someone that can do that.
06:17You're not just photos.
06:19I could get that image printed on a mouse mat for you.
06:23A mouse mat.
06:25Imagine that.
06:27Eh?
06:27No.
06:42Can you have another look, please?
06:44There isn't anything under the name Malcolm Moss Crip.
06:47I have a photographic memory.
06:48When you put that to use in the dry cleaners.
06:50I also do alterations.
06:51Are we sure this is the right place?
06:52What is it?
06:57We'll have the dry cleaners and they haven't got my suit.
06:59Which one did you take it to?
07:00The one on Mayford Road.
07:01A dick called Johan works there.
07:03Is your name Johan?
07:04Yes.
07:05And are you a dick?
07:07Do you see any customer service awards in front of me?
07:10They haven't got my suit, so what am I going to do?
07:11Okay.
07:12Can you sort this out yourself?
07:15Look, it's my dad's funeral.
07:17In an hour.
07:18Have you got anything?
07:19Anything, please.
07:20Yes.
07:22I have something that might fit.
07:32It's not black.
07:33Okay.
07:51Hiya, Kat.
07:52Kat.
07:53Katkins.
07:53Oh, Gary there.
08:00Gary, did you get taller?
08:01Oh, it's the pins in my legs.
08:03I might get my arms done, too.
08:04Can you imagine me being able to reach things before other people?
08:07Amazing.
08:08Yeah.
08:09I've got to say, Gemma, thank you so much for sorting all this.
08:12What?
08:13The cat said you'd come through on the day release.
08:15You had grandad's heart pills, didn't you?
08:18Don't even joke about that.
08:21We'll tell the baby, Auntie Gem Gem moved to heaven and earth to make their conception possible.
08:26And special thanks to grandad Jackie.
08:28He sacrificed himself so our baby could be.
08:31Fucking hell.
08:32Huh?
08:34Oh, yeah.
08:34This is Suka.
08:36Prison officer.
08:38My job is to help Catherine make correct decisions today.
08:41Or else.
08:42Oh.
08:42I've missed you so much, Kat.
08:47I'd let you push me off a million fire escapes.
08:50So things are properly back on with you two then?
08:52Yeah.
08:53Catherine explained it was a crime of passion.
08:55She's always been very passionate.
08:57Yeah.
08:57Not the word I'd use to describe her, but okay.
09:00Shut up.
09:00Catherine!
09:02Oh.
09:02Oh.
09:04Dad, what the hell are you wearing?
09:05Well, the dry cleaners lost my suit, didn't they?
09:07So you borrowed one from RuPaul?
09:09I think Dad looks magnificent.
09:11Thanks, love.
09:11Hey, it didn't look so bright in the bag, did it?
09:13It did not.
09:14Come here.
09:15Oh, bums.
09:17Sorry, Dad.
09:18I've used up all my hooks for today.
09:20It's prison rules.
09:22Aye, aye.
09:23What if I forget how to talk?
09:25You know, I've already gone a bit dry.
09:27Am I gone dry?
09:28Dad, no.
09:29It's a beautiful eulogy.
09:31Thanks.
09:32I'd better go and practice, okay?
09:34There is no way you think Dad looks good in that suit.
09:37I am?
09:38Prove it.
09:41No, my dad never cried.
10:12Not even when he sliced his toe off, kicking my samurai sword.
10:15Just different people, aren't you?
10:18Hi.
10:19Hi.
10:19I'm sorry.
10:21Why?
10:21What have you done?
10:22For your loss.
10:26Missed you.
10:27Thanks for coming.
10:28What is it?
10:34Your Auntie Jess, she's not going to come.
10:36Oh, Dad.
10:37Yeah, well, we had a tough relationship, you know.
10:40Yeah.
10:41I think she thought he was a bit judgmental.
10:43Mm-hmm.
10:43Oh, but I hope she'd call me not just for me, but...
10:46Sorry.
10:47Oh, look.
10:48Here's a message from Tyrone.
10:51Oh, God.
10:52That's not very nice, is it?
10:54Right.
10:54I think it's time to kick off.
10:55Oh, sorry.
10:56We've got to wait for the celebrant.
10:58Uh, hello.
10:59Who do you think I am?
11:01Francis, I'm your celebrant super sub.
11:03I'm afraid your guy had a tiny bump on the A34 this morning.
11:06Is he okay?
11:07Is he?
11:08Yeah.
11:08He did manage to WhatsApp me some very comprehensive notes
11:10while he was waiting to be cut out of the wreckage.
11:12I'm such a pro.
11:14Where are my glasses?
11:15Oh, silly old Francis.
11:23I think we need to get on.
11:27Great.
11:27John Richard Muscrip, Jackie, to his friends and family,
11:48was a devoted and loving father to Malcolm and Jessica.
11:52He's not here.
11:53And adoring grandfather to Catherine.
11:56Yes, Tom.
11:57Top of the list.
11:58I've made it.
11:59Well done, baby girl.
11:59Gemma and Mice.
12:02Why don't I say Mice?
12:04Mia.
12:05Yeah, that's my sister's daughter.
12:06Mia.
12:07What, that's a name, is it?
12:08Yes.
12:09Yeah.
12:10Gee, I've never heard that name before.
12:11Well, Mia.
12:12Mia.
12:13Huh.
12:13You learn something new every day.
12:14Mia.
12:15Mia.
12:15Mia.
12:16Bitch, I like it.
12:17Actually, I really like it.
12:19Yeah.
12:19Right, back to Jackie.
12:21Very recently, he'd become a great grandfather to...
12:24Whoa, scroll past it.
12:25Sadie.
12:25Sadie.
12:26Yeah, now I do know that name.
12:27Well, sexy Sadie.
12:28Isn't she?
12:29Is she sexy?
12:30You're Sadie?
12:31She's a year old.
12:35Anywho, Malcolm Moskrip will now say a few words about his dear dead dad.
12:40You got it, King.
12:43You fucking got it.
12:44Okay, man.
12:44Slay.
12:45Okay.
12:45Fucking destroy it.
12:46Come on.
12:47Come on.
12:47My dad, um, Jackie.
12:59My dad, um, Jackie.
13:07There's a lot to say about my dad.
13:09And there's a lot I'd like to say.
13:19He didn't want a eulogy.
13:21And he was very firm about that.
13:26And I'd like to honor him in the best way I can.
13:29If that's okay with you.
13:35Oh, shit.
13:38Okay.
13:38Okay.
13:52Go here, go!
13:54Go here, go!
13:56Go, Jim.
13:57I can't, I can't do this.
14:00Yes, you can, Malcolm.
14:01Yes, you can.
14:01Eyes on me, King.
14:02You got it.
14:03Am I going in?
14:03Am I going in?
14:04Yes.
14:04All right, I'm going in.
14:05I'm going in.
14:05I'm going in.
14:06I'm going in.
14:07Baby, I'm your man.
14:11Here we go.
14:12It's you.
14:12Don't you know that, baby, I'm your man.
14:18We're going together.
14:19We're going together.
14:19Come on.
14:21If you're going to do it, do it right.
14:23If you're going to do it, do it right.
14:27If you're going to do it, do it right now.
14:30Do it for me.
14:32Do it right now.
14:35Ooh.
14:39I thought everyone would join in once we hit that second verse.
14:42Yeah, me too.
14:43And you wrote that song yourself.
14:45Amazing.
14:46I wish you'd told me you were going to do that.
14:47So you could talk him out of it.
14:48Yeah.
14:51Hi.
14:52Hi.
14:54Well, that was something.
14:56Yep.
14:56Thanks for coming.
14:58Sorry for your loss.
15:01Sorry for your loss.
15:03One I got to keep the clothes under.
15:04Yeah.
15:06Oh, you're being so brave.
15:08It's okay, Ruth.
15:09Oh, please.
15:10Take your fucking time.
15:12You're not the only one incinerating a family member today, mate.
15:14It's quite a lot, isn't it, babe?
15:25Yeah, I didn't want people gossiping about there not being enough food.
15:28But, of course, what they're going to be talking about is you hiring a chorus line of strippers.
15:32God, you make it sound so seedy, Gemma.
15:35You should have seen them at the audition.
15:37Gemma!
15:38I can't shake Suki off.
15:40How me and Gary Sposchko will make a baby if they keep following me round all day.
15:44Maybe this is God's or HM Prison Service's way of saying don't bother.
15:48You having a baby?
15:49We're trying.
15:50We're trying to try.
15:51No thanks to Gemma.
15:52Cat, what more do you want me to do?
15:54Draw him a map of where to stick it.
15:56Get him hard for you.
15:57Guide him in like cock-air traffic control.
15:59Don't be so crude, Gemma.
16:01I think it's a wonderful way to honour your granddad.
16:04Thank you, Daddy.
16:05You fucking bitch.
16:06They weren't at the crematorium.
16:08So, how did you know Jackie then?
16:11Hiya.
16:12Hey.
16:13Derry's just told me how much they get paid.
16:15Fucking hell.
16:17Thought about our career, dancing at funerals.
16:19Well, I might have to.
16:20Three months of applying and no bites.
16:21I mean, what's wrong with me?
16:23Well, you're a single mum on maternity leave with zero qualifications.
16:25Do you think I should stop putting that on my cover letter?
16:27Maybe.
16:28Yeah.
16:28I don't think they even knew who granddad was.
16:30No?
16:31No.
16:31I'm going to get my baps off that woman.
16:33Okay.
16:35It's him.
16:35Right, come on.
16:36Come on.
16:38Go.
16:38Go.
16:39Go.
16:40Go.
16:43Hiya.
16:44I love a man in a suit.
16:46What, even this one?
16:47Well, she'd ask me to dance for your Malcolm.
16:49I'm very talkful.
16:51What's this?
16:51Whoa!
16:52Whoa!
16:54Rita, can I have a word?
16:55Yeah.
16:56Quick word?
16:57Yeah.
16:57Gary?
16:58Will you stop trying to seduce my grieving father?
17:01I'm trying to lift his spirits.
17:02Well, his spirits need to stay exactly where they are.
17:05Gemma.
17:06What?
17:07Can you distract Suki from here?
17:09We only need a couple of minutes.
17:11It's like 90 seconds max.
17:13Jesus.
17:13Gary's a lucky guy.
17:14I know.
17:15Right, what do you want me to do and nothing illegal?
17:18Right, well, Suki, they really fancy your fit, mate.
17:22Jerry?
17:23Yeah.
17:24Right.
17:25So, could you, like, introduce some awesome-er?
17:28And then me and Gary will slip off to the bogs, make a baby, as is most great family tradition.
17:35Go on.
17:37Fine.
17:38Yes.
17:38Suki, can I introduce you to Cherry?
17:41Oh, God, yes, please.
17:43Cherry, this is Suki.
17:45Suki is my sister's...
17:47Guardian angel.
17:48You are.
17:48Just go with it.
17:50Aya, you are very pretty.
17:54Do you work with Catherine?
17:58She's in prison.
18:00She's twist?
18:00You have not stopped all day today.
18:03Yeah, well, I'm just trying to make sure that everyone's having a really great time.
18:06At 08?
18:07I love wakes.
18:08I think they're like weddings, but you just don't have to get anyone a gift.
18:11Why don't you sit down and get a glass of his?
18:12No, because if I stop thinking about the food, then I'll think about the...
18:14Oh, yeah.
18:16Hi, Gary.
18:17Where's Cat?
18:19Oh, my God!
18:21Gary!
18:23Run, my goodness!
18:24What?
18:24What?
18:25I'm finding her.
18:26Just go!
18:27Come on, you, Casper!
18:27You're my world!
18:28Fucking killer.
18:28Get off!
18:29Gary, that's not how you make a baby.
18:31Right, on your way, Gary.
18:38Malcolm?
18:40Malcolm?
18:41Sorry again, Malcolm, about the table and the food and your dad.
18:46Oh, I should have said Dad first.
18:48Why didn't you say Dad first?
18:59All I wanted was for my dad to have an appropriate send-off, you know?
19:02Well, I think we achieved that.
19:08Plus, we've got a family member on the run now.
19:10Oh!
19:10He would have loved that.
19:12I just wanted to say, the whole day was great.
19:15I mean, a bit weird, but great.
19:18My mum went to karaoke machine at her funeral.
19:20Got talked out of it by family.
19:22Regretted it ever since.
19:24I'm Elodie.
19:25Here's my number.
19:26Yeah?
19:27Love the suit, by the way.
19:30Yeah.
19:31Nice.
19:32Like I'm going to hire her again.
19:37She cost a fortune.
19:42Oh!
19:43Have I missed it?
19:44I can't believe I've missed it.
19:47There was a crash on the A34.
19:50Malcolm.
19:52Tommy.
19:53Finally.
19:55In the flesh.
19:57Well, you're a lot taller than I thought you'd be,
19:59and about ten times more handsome.
20:01I mean, how sexy is this guy?
20:04Come on.
20:05Bring it in.
20:08Oh.
20:09Oh.
20:10Dad?
20:10Who's this?
20:13It's Tommy Musgrave.
20:15Yeah.
20:16Jackie's son.
20:17The other son.
20:18Dad, you've got a brother.
20:20Oh.
20:23Yeah.
20:23Me.
20:25Me.
20:32Cuddly squid?
20:34Um, do one-year-olds like squid?
20:36Almost said he's going to have to get used to squid, mate.
20:38It's not going to be long before she's having to fight them off in a post-nuclear wasteland.
20:41This present needs to be perfect.
20:44I read online that your first birthday present can set the course for the rest of your life.
20:48No.
20:48Total bullshit.
20:49Just get her some fluffy bricks or something.
20:52So, I'm still pretty livid.
20:54You didn't tell me you had a secret brother.
20:55Well, I didn't tell anyone, did I?
20:57That's why it was secret.
20:58Hmm.
20:58So, what's Tommy's deal?
20:59What does he want?
21:00Well, he just messaged me out of the blue a few years ago, you know.
21:03He said he was Dad's son and that they were living together in Spain.
21:06Oh, suspicious.
21:07Continue.
21:08He found some photos of me and Dad and was asking awkward questions.
21:11But my Dad told him I was an old work colleague and I had a brain injury, so I don't trust anything I said, you know.
21:16So, Tommy knew about you and your sister and you knew about Tommy, but your wife and kids didn't know anything.
21:21And your Dad didn't know you knew or that you'd been in contact with Tommy,
21:24but also, you didn't ask your Dad about Tommy even though he'd been living here for two months before he carked it.
21:31Yeah.
21:32Jesus, Malcolm, do you think this is why your family are so fucked up?
21:35Eh, we just don't discuss those sorts of things.
21:38What sort of thing?
21:38Having blood relatives.
21:40Oh my God, this is, uh, okay, that's perfect.
21:43That's Sadie's present.
21:47Oh, Malcolm!
21:49Help me!
21:50It's spunking its eggs down my throat!
21:54Hey, baby!
21:57I spoke to the police again.
21:59Oh, yeah?
22:00Still nothing.
22:01It's been over a week now.
22:03I thought they had CCTV everywhere.
22:06They do, but apparently they don't have the manpower to look at it.
22:10Cat will be fine, you know Dad.
22:11She's kind of a badass, in a lazy way.
22:15Good morrow, fellow Moskrips.
22:17Good morrow.
22:17Hey, Tommy.
22:19Brother from another mother.
22:20Yeah.
22:20Niece from another piece.
22:22Uncle from another spunkle.
22:24Oh, that's awesome.
22:26So, how are you finding Grandad's then?
22:27It's a bloody palace, Gemma.
22:29Sure, the shower runs cold and the oven doesn't work,
22:31but, uh, I'm more of a meat-crowave kind of guy anyway.
22:35And is there a microwave?
22:36Nah.
22:38Okay, gotta go.
22:39Bye.
22:40Bye.
22:41Your skin looks incredible, Malcolm.
22:42Do you wild swim?
22:44No.
22:46I sometimes shower with the window open.
22:47A squirrel got in once.
22:49Gemma, I've got a surprise for you.
22:55Come on.
22:57Ta-da!
22:59Sadie's crash for when you come back to work.
23:01Only a week to go.
23:03Rita, you know Dad's gone part-time to help look after Sadie.
23:05Yeah, but he might want a day off now and then to explore romantic avenues.
23:10They are often so sexy.
23:11So, put a load of bath mats down so she doesn't hurt herself and some toys from Crysis.
23:19An uncooked bowl of rice?
23:21Exactly, yeah.
23:23To attract a rat for her to play with.
23:26It's a treasure hunt.
23:27You know, you bury things in the bowl and Sadie digs them out.
23:31It's fun.
23:34Spanner and a biro?
23:35I don't know what baby's like, Gemma.
23:37I'm not Mr Bloody Tumble.
23:38Of course.
23:39This is lovely, Rita.
23:41Oh, pleasure hunt.
23:43Oh, my God, what is that?
23:46No, it's not anything weird.
23:47It's just one of Winnie's semi-dried figs.
23:49Keeps Sadie regular.
23:50Can I have it back now, Rita?
23:51Right, last one.
23:52I don't want you shitting yourself again.
23:54I'm not mopping you out of this salon.
23:55Oh, that was an accident.
23:57That grouting has never been the same since.
23:58I can still smell it.
23:59I've still got it right up here.
24:04Hi.
24:05Do you have any balloons that say happy first birthday but also happy 56th birthday?
24:09She's having a joint do with her granddad.
24:11Well, these balloons are very popular.
24:13They keep their tumescence for up to six months.
24:15Why?
24:16I think we'll just take a one, a five and a six.
24:18Okie dokie.
24:19Oh, you're so cute.
24:22So, I can't do that pre-party lunch on Friday anymore.
24:26Oh.
24:27Oh, you're getting your nails done.
24:28Do not go to my lady.
24:29They were so sharp last time.
24:30I could have climbed a tree.
24:31It's not that.
24:33I actually have a job interview.
24:35Oh, my God, babe.
24:36About me and done.
24:37Go on then, tell me.
24:39It's marketing.
24:40It's well paid.
24:41It's flexible.
24:43It's family friendly.
24:44They have a creche.
24:45A normal one.
24:46Not one with bath mats and rice.
24:48Yeah.
24:48I mean, I probably won't get it, but...
24:49Yeah, you will.
24:51We'll manifest it.
24:52Give Gemma the job.
24:53Give Gemma the job.
24:54Give Gemma the job.
24:55I actually really, really do hope I get it.
24:57But how am I going to tell Rita?
24:59Well, she'll understand.
25:01Like you said, the only way to get promoted at the salon is by stabbing her in the neck with a pair of barbarian scissors.
25:06Did I say that?
25:08I've been dealing with my rage towards Lance by watching a lot of true crime documentaries.
25:12Um, do you want curls on your balloons?
25:13Keep those away from me.
25:21Oh.
25:22He looks well there, doesn't he?
25:26Malaga's a wonderful place, Malcolm.
25:28You and Gem should visit.
25:30And Jess.
25:31I can't wait to finally meet her.
25:33She's got a hot tub.
25:34Did you know that Malaga is known as Europe's hot tub?
25:37No.
25:39So, you know, me and Dad lived together until we had a massive bust-up a few months ago.
25:44Did he often fall out?
25:46Loads.
25:47He was a difficult sausage, wasn't he?
25:49Yeah.
25:50Did he ever use words like pathetic and disappointment?
25:56Like, you're a pathetic disappointment.
25:58All the time, Malc.
25:59Yeah.
25:59All the time.
26:01You know, Dad got me to guarantee some business loan.
26:06And I paid the rent.
26:07And all his medical bills.
26:08Not that I mind, of course.
26:10You don't win his family, do you, Malc?
26:11I half-hoped to be something here to cover it all.
26:17You haven't taken it out of the boxes, have you?
26:19No.
26:20Seems like the only thing to his name was that Jag.
26:26Of course he never let me drive it.
26:28Lucky old you, eh?
26:29I've not been able to sit in it since he passed, you know.
26:33No.
26:35Don't know why I'm upset.
26:37No.
26:38He was horrible.
26:39Yeah, but he was our Dad, wasn't he?
26:43He was.
26:47I thought he'd have something sexy lying around.
26:49Me?
26:49Oh.
26:50Oh.
26:50It's what he would have wanted.
26:56There you go.
26:57Okay.
26:57All right.
27:00That's, uh, probably not a lot.
27:03Tough.
27:07To John Richard Moskrip.
27:11A complicated old tosser.
27:14To Jackie.
27:19Yummy.
27:20Oh, God.
27:21Oh, another late one with Tommy.
27:24Yeah.
27:25We had a really nice chat, though.
27:27Good.
27:27And then we watched John Wick 4 on his phone.
27:30You know, it's so good to know that it wasn't just me who had a rough time with me Dad.
27:35Oh, no, he was an arsehole to Tommy, too.
27:37Yeah, he was awful.
27:40Happy birthday, Dad.
27:41Oh.
27:43This is from Sadie.
27:45You'll get mine later at the party.
27:46Thank you, darling.
27:47She painted it herself.
27:48I did the writing.
27:49I think her penmanship is abysmal.
27:50Let's have a look, shall we?
27:52What have you got?
27:54Oh, God.
27:55I love it.
27:56He loves it, see?
27:57Look, it's got my name on it.
27:58Yeah.
27:59Oh, that's great.
28:00Oh, look.
28:00And this is for you.
28:01Happy birthday, little one.
28:02Oh, we've got Sades.
28:03Yeah.
28:04Oh, my God.
28:10Sadie Martha Moskrip.
28:12Oh, Dad, I love that.
28:13Solid gold as well.
28:15And I've got you this.
28:17Okay.
28:17Have a look.
28:18What are they gorgeous, Sades?
28:21What's this?
28:22Oh, Tommy.
28:23Yeah, look.
28:23I'll buzz you in.
28:24Dad.
28:30Yeah, it's 300 quid.
28:32I want to open up a saving account in Sadie's name, you know, and I thought that could be
28:35the first deposit.
28:36Feliz cumpleanos.
28:38Feliz cumpleanos.
28:39They're Spanish for happy birthday.
28:43Delighted to spend the day with my best ever brother, los dos hermanos.
28:48The two Hermans.
28:50You look fabulous, Gemma.
28:52Didn't you know, could have given us a heads up that the party was formal dress?
28:55Oh, no, no, no.
28:56Gemma's got a job interview this afternoon.
28:58Oh, yeah?
28:59What is it?
28:59Well, a nice man or lady will ask me questions, and if they like my answers, they'll give me
29:03money in exchange for my time and soul.
29:05Could change me and Sadie's life if I get it.
29:08You'll get it.
29:09Yeah, of course you will be.
29:10Do you want my advice?
29:11Oh, yep.
29:12Be yourself.
29:13Christ, no.
29:14Lie through your teeth.
29:15They've got a problem, and you're the solution.
29:17Yeah.
29:18And maybe rub yourself with freshly baked bread.
29:20People love the smell.
29:21Isn't that a tip for selling houses?
29:23Can't hurt.
29:25Right.
29:25Good suggestion, Malcolm.
29:26Good suggestion.
29:27I'll have the bag in for you.
29:28Lovely cup of tea.
29:29Ah!
29:38Would you like some branded tap water?
29:41No, thanks.
29:44Oh.
29:45Dustin, I'll see you now.
29:47Third floor up, office five.
29:48Okay.
29:50God, it's a bit quiet, isn't it?
29:52Yeah, most people work from home on a Friday.
29:54Not me, though.
29:56Never me.
29:57Could somebody order face paints?
30:09I can do tigers or zebras, but if anyone wants a unicorn, they can F off.
30:13I'm not drawing a load of knobs on children's heads.
30:15It's not right.
30:16Hello, birthday boy.
30:18You can come over and paint my face later, if you like.
30:21Hello, Sadie, love.
30:23Here we go.
30:24Happy birthday, King.
30:25And before you ask, yes, I have got you a super awesome prezzy.
30:28And no, it is not another fucking novel about old ladies who self-crime.
30:32Oh, I love them.
30:33No, you don't, Malcolm.
30:34Derek, I'm thinking about giving Tommy the jack.
30:38Are you absolutely fucking insane?
30:40Oh, look, my dad left him with loads of debts and he always paid for everything, so I just
30:43thought it would be nice.
30:44Malcolm, have you got any actual proof he's even your brother?
30:45Well, his email is tommymoscriplovesnachos at hotmail.com.
30:49So fucking what?
30:50Oh, and I've seen his driving license.
30:52Yeah.
30:53Because those are so impossible to fake.
30:55Check this out.
30:58Meet Randy Mondozo, Jebba Dye Fountain, Laertes Mackenzie Reed.
31:04Sound like made-up names.
31:06Oh, do you want to say that to Jebba Dye's face?
31:07Because evil fuckers slap you down, mate.
31:10He's from France.
31:12Look, you have to think about these things, big dog, okay?
31:14I bet I can internet detective Tommy's arse in under three seconds.
31:18Aha, there you go, see?
31:20Tommy Moskrip, pictured with Father Jackie outside famed Malaga...
31:23Oh, that looks real, actually.
31:24There he is.
31:25Oh, I mean, Malcolm, you smell amazing.
31:32I swear, he's aging backwards.
31:34Have you lost weight?
31:35Well, I just didn't have any breakfast.
31:37I'll take those for you.
31:38Okay, if he is your brother, something is up.
31:44Because there is no fucking way he likes you that much.
31:47Hmm?
31:47Where are the car keys?
31:49In my pocket.
31:50If you give him that jag, Malcolm, I will disavow you.
31:53Don't make me disavow you on your birthday.
31:55Okay.
31:57What does disavow mean?
31:59I don't know.
32:00Heard it on a film.
32:00Is this part of the interview?
32:18Oh, my God.
32:19Help!
32:20Help!
32:21Oh, my God.
32:22I don't know how to use this.
32:24Epi pen.
32:25Pull off blue safety cap.
32:27Hold orange tip.
32:28Inject into thigh.
32:29Trousers on or off?
32:30Trousers on or off?
32:33Right, lie down.
32:35Touch him.
32:37It.
32:41Okay.
32:42Inject into thigh.
32:53Thanks.
32:55I sat on a bee.
32:57I'm Gemma, by the way.
32:57I'm here for the marketing interview.
32:59You didn't need to take my trousers off.
33:03Well, I didn't know if it would work without...
33:05It does say on the label.
33:07It's quite small writing.
33:07I was in a bit of a hurry.
33:09Yeah.
33:10Just a future reference.
33:11Trousers stay on.
33:13Great.
33:14Do you want that back?
33:16Well, my husband's away, so the laundry's not been done.
33:24Hence the trunks.
33:25Oh.
33:27It's the right place for the birthday party.
33:29Oh, yeah?
33:31Jebediah Fountain booked the superhero show for, um, little Malcolm Moskowitz.
33:36Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
33:38Changing room's over there.
33:38Thanks.
33:39Cheers, mate.
33:39Off you go.
33:40Isn't that...
33:41Yep, that's my prezzy to you, correct?
33:43Well, a superhero show.
33:44That's much more than that, Malcolm.
33:45Much more.
33:48Go and play with Sadie.
33:50And behave.
33:51Happy birthday!
33:53The blue one's for you.
33:54I know, it's so cliche.
33:56You'll never guess what it is.
33:57It's lit, Pam.
33:58Oh.
33:59Yeah.
33:59How much of the play equipment's bolted to the floor?
34:02None of it, I don't think.
34:03Fuck.
34:04Don't tip it over.
34:04Don't tip it over.
34:06Oh, Winnie.
34:08Coats are over there.
34:09Prezzy's on the side.
34:10Ooh, squash.
34:12Sorry, you are?
34:12I'm Dr. Rush.
34:13I'm Gemma's GP.
34:15Oh.
34:15Do you know anybody else here?
34:17Uh, no.
34:19Thankfully, I'm a hoot once the Sambuca star that's flowing.
34:22No.
34:22Come on, shoo.
34:24There's squash on the side.
34:25Yeah, she'll find it, Malcolm.
34:27So.
34:27Well, do you have any marketing experience, Gemma?
34:31Just because it says here that your current role is sweeping up hair.
34:36Well, actually, I'm on maternity leave.
34:38But, yeah, when I'm back, me and the broom were like this.
34:43Well, there's been an admin error.
34:45I don't know how you've slipped through the net, but this position's not for you.
34:50Please.
34:53Why do you even want this job?
34:55Because I love marketing.
34:56Nobody loves marketing.
34:59Okay.
35:02I didn't really want a proper career.
35:04Yeah.
35:06But then I had a baby.
35:08And all of a sudden, there's this helpless creature who needs me to look after her.
35:13And, you know, that's all on me.
35:14Ambulance, please.
35:15Are you okay?
35:17EpiPens were off, unfortunately.
35:18But please do.
35:19Carry on.
35:19Right.
35:21So, yeah, there's this fire inside me now.
35:24Jackson House, Stockport, Whitfield and Hitchens Marketing.
35:27Uh-huh.
35:28And I just...
35:29I want to provide a better life for my baby.
35:32And for me.
35:34And this job, it would be the first step.
35:36Anaphylaxis.
35:38EpiPen administered with the effects are starting to wear off.
35:42And I really would give everything I've got to you.
35:44And this company.
35:46I just need someone to take a chance on me.
35:49That's a great pitch.
35:50That's exactly the sort of spirit we're looking for, actually.
35:54Unfortunately, you are still not qualified for the job.
35:56Look, there is a junior position in our Glasgow office.
36:02I think you'd be perfect for it.
36:04Glasgow?
36:06Yeah, do you want it?
36:10Yeah, I do.
36:11I really want it.
36:13Well, congratulations, Gemma.
36:14You've just joined the rat race.
36:16I'm going to get in the recovery position now.
36:19If you could just wait in reception for the ambulance
36:21and let her know I'm up here.
36:23Yes.
36:26So, I did get the job?
36:29Affirmative.
36:38Oh, happy birthday, baby girl.
36:46Hey.
36:47How did it go?
36:48How was the interview?
36:49Yeah.
36:50I got offered a job.
36:51Oh, great!
36:52Congratulations.
36:54Yeah, it's in Glasgow.
36:56Right.
37:00Which is why I turned it down.
37:02What do you mean you turned it down?
37:04Yeah, well, I accepted it at first, but then called them back on the drive here.
37:08Can't leave you lot.
37:09Gemma.
37:10Er, excuse me.
37:12A little bird told me that you were looking for a job with career prospects.
37:16You should have said.
37:18Let me train you up.
37:19I can get a grant to send you to college.
37:21You could be the next Nicky Campbell.
37:23Nicky Clark?
37:25Hmm.
37:25Even better.
37:27Oh, there we are.
37:28They're coming.
37:29There we are.
37:29Come on.
37:31Come on.
37:32All right, boys and girls.
37:35Who likes superheroes?
37:37Malcolm does.
37:38No, he doesn't.
37:39I do, I do.
37:40I do, Derek.
37:40I love them.
37:41Okay.
37:42I am the legally distinct American captain.
37:45Dilf Rogers.
37:46Well, it's not just me today.
37:47You won't like him.
37:49Please welcome the honk.
37:51Rawr!
37:53Rawr!
37:54Honk punch!
37:55Rawr!
37:56Punch!
37:56Honk punch!
37:57Little honk punch!
37:58Honk punch!
37:59Honk elbow punch!
38:00That's also working for me.
38:02Why?
38:02Why is it working for me?
38:04Jesus, do I know you at all?
38:06Er, Gemma, can you be quiet, please?
38:08Have you no respect for the arts, Cherry?
38:11No.
38:12Our story begins in space!
38:16Once upon a time, in a planet not so far from this one.
38:31Wait, where's the cake?
38:33What?
38:34Well, you did get one then.
38:35I thought you were being all modern.
38:37No, it was on the side in the kitchen.
38:39Is it a woke flavour?
38:41What would be a woke flavoured birthday cake?
38:44Red velvet.
38:44For fuck's sake.
38:46Look, I'll go and get it.
38:47Just, you enjoy the party, alright?
38:51Rita, stop it.
38:52What's up?
39:38What's going on, Tommy?
39:39Melk!
39:41What are you doing?
39:45You know I deserve that fucking car more than you do.
39:48I've put up with Dad's shit for years.
39:50So you thought you'd steal from us?
39:52What, from Sadie?
39:53Where are the car keys, Malcolm?
39:55I've got a flight to catch and a dealer waiting to take it off my hands.
39:59Derek's got them.
40:00So I could call him and then he'd come round, eh?
40:02So what do you think about that?
40:04Yeah.
40:06You're just like our Dad, aren't you?
40:10Yeah.
40:11And we're both cursed with that one, Malcolm.
40:13What do you mean?
40:14You heard, Gemma.
40:15She turned that job down because of you.
40:18Could have been a ticket to a better life,
40:20but no, she's stuck here with her sad old man.
40:22Well, that's not what's happening.
40:24I spent 20 fucking years with our Dad.
40:26I hated him towards the end.
40:28Yeah, well, I won't let you steal off Sadie.
40:30No, you don't shit up.
40:31No, Dad!
40:32No, Dad!
40:33Tom, it!
40:34No!
40:37You have no idea what a gift he gave you.
40:39He got out your fucking way.
40:42Oh, yeah.
40:42Yeah.
40:46Yeah.
40:46Yeah.
40:46Yeah.
40:46Yeah.
40:47Yeah.
40:47Yeah.
40:47Yeah.
40:47Yeah.
40:47Yeah.
40:47Yeah.
40:52That's what he did?
41:14And there is nowhere left for your head to turn.
41:18And there's nowhere left for your head to turn.
41:21History repeating, but without the learning.
41:27And if they spend their energy, coming for anybody who doesn't get it right, who really gets it right.
41:39And I'm a ghost, it's a machine.
41:42And now they're following where I've been, but what are you looking for?
41:47I'm just like you, but for it.
41:51And in the end, I'm coming clean.
41:54I spent my whole life lying about the things I want, about the things I should have done.
42:04So long.
42:05I've been learning.
42:05So long.
42:09Why's birthday boy taking so long?
42:14Huh?
42:15Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
42:32Dad, what are you doing?
42:45You'd have taken that job if it hadn't been for me, wouldn't you?
42:48I'm holding you back.
42:49Don't be stupid.
42:50You said it would have changed your life.
42:54Yeah, but I don't want to change it.
42:56I want to grow it here, with you.
42:59Just say that, aren't you?
43:00Oh, God.
43:02Now I wish I got your therapy for your birthday,
43:04instead of that very lovely jumper that's made with you inside.
43:08I can't do this without you, Dad.
43:12I need you.
43:16You know I love you.
43:20We love you.
43:23But I love you too.
43:27Shall we go back into the party?
43:29Yeah.
43:29Rita wants me to paint her face.
43:33I bet she does.
43:36Oh, my God.
43:37Can you lot keep the noise down?
43:41Are you all right, Brenda?
43:42Yeah.
43:44Yeah.
Recommended
40:43
|
Up next
43:45
45:50
40:43
0:50
1:33:29
1:15:03
43:25
41:07
41:27
42:34
42:38
40:05
40:14
41:04
38:59
2:25:30
2:13:52
2:25:29
26:43
33:29
33:44
Be the first to comment