- 11 hours ago
The Lovers | Full Hot Movie Uncut
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:29Jesus!
00:01:56We've never seen him in real life, though.
00:01:58Oh, he's picturing the papers.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to.
00:02:04Oh, I'm not standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on.
00:02:14We're supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:26I don't fancy yours.
00:02:30Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:36Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:49Thanks.
00:02:53Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:03:00About as much as Mountsy-Tung's granddad.
00:03:02With all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:10I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:14Ignore them.
00:03:14Hi.
00:03:24Hi.
00:03:26Hi.
00:03:27Hi.
00:03:30Hi.
00:03:33Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you, er, hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Mallorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41May only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:42It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:58It's our lunch hour.
00:04:01It's ours.
00:04:03We were going for lunch.
00:04:05Thank you, Father.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:15Pardon?
00:04:17I'm, er, Geoffrey.
00:04:20I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:25Don't you worry, love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:52Every single time.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:05:01First you're up there, on another plane, and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down, it's a run around.
00:05:19Love and rainy weather, surely can get you down.
00:05:27Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40For what?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:47It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:53Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:56You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight.
00:05:58Tomorrow night.
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:02They might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:06Really.
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:09Hustle.
00:06:11It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:14We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:18They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:29Full-page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way cool people say I'm not hungry.
00:06:42I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:03I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:08I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:10I do.
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:20Paul McCartney who?
00:07:21He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:27I sacrifice too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29Five.
00:07:30You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:37I don't know.
00:07:40What did you say your name was?
00:07:43Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:05Not a dirty weekend.
00:08:07A disgusting one.
00:08:14Night-night, Percy Filth.
00:08:16Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:28It's not my fault.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:40I'm sorry.
00:08:41Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05It is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:07What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:27I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:34Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went.
00:09:44Overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tuttenhamen butter dish.
00:09:53What?
00:10:03Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash
00:10:13and say something like,
00:10:14how about Sunday, half seven, outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:18Tomorrow, half seven, outside Central Library.
00:10:23Then when I say okay,
00:10:24does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:27It does not.
00:10:29I thought it did.
00:10:31Not till you've unfastened the press, stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing
00:10:37and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:44In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:46We're just good friends.
00:10:48Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:11:05Marry me.
00:11:09You know what they say?
00:11:12Once you've had a Manchester lad,
00:11:13you never touch anything else.
00:11:14Marry me.
00:11:18Marry me.
00:11:21Marry me.
00:11:23Marry me.
00:11:25Marry me.
00:11:27Marry me.
00:11:29Marry me.
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:33Peace, man.
00:11:35Marry me.
00:11:36Have a good time last night?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is it you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I say it in for a change.
00:11:42Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne
00:11:53was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I said in for a change instead.
00:11:59I saw it in for a change.
00:12:18Ticket.
00:12:19I ain't got my ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal then.
00:12:24Mary!
00:12:26Mary!
00:12:28Mary!
00:12:30Mary!
00:12:32Mary!
00:12:34Mary!
00:12:36Mary!
00:12:40Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:43Snooty old bag.
00:12:49Trendy.
00:12:51Crimson shoes with bottle green socks.
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights.
00:12:57Still, who else would have him?
00:12:59Anyway, they're all the same in the dark, rumour has it.
00:13:10Different girl every night.
00:13:12You can tell the type.
00:13:14Probably an omen seeing her before the match.
00:13:17I bet we lose 3-1.
00:13:20Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:13:23At least they've got me proud.
00:13:25Oh, hello.
00:13:27Oh, hi.
00:13:29Hi.
00:13:30Didn't see you.
00:13:31No, Normie.
00:13:33Are you going that way?
00:13:35Yeah.
00:13:36Not especially, no.
00:13:38Are you going that?
00:13:40Well, erm...
00:13:41No.
00:13:42I'll...
00:13:43I'll...
00:13:44I'll sort of...
00:13:45Going to the football match?
00:13:46Are you?
00:13:47Shopping.
00:13:48I'm probably going to the pictures tonight.
00:13:49I am.
00:13:50Which?
00:13:51Which are you?
00:13:52Any.
00:13:53I am.
00:13:54See you then.
00:13:55Tonight?
00:13:56Pardon?
00:13:57Oh, er...
00:13:58All right, then.
00:13:59Right.
00:14:00Super socks.
00:14:01Did you see that?
00:14:02They're all on drugs.
00:14:03A lot of them.
00:14:04Cough.
00:14:05Cough.
00:14:06Cough.
00:14:07Cough.
00:14:08Cough.
00:14:09Cough.
00:14:10What?
00:14:11I'm worried about it.
00:14:12Pardon?
00:14:13Oh, er...
00:14:14All right, then.
00:14:16Right.
00:14:19Super socks.
00:14:24Did you see that?
00:14:25They're all on drugs.
00:14:26A lot of them.
00:14:27Cough.
00:14:28Cough.
00:14:29Cough.
00:14:30Cough.
00:14:31This score?
00:14:46Losing. 3-1.
00:15:01Excuse me.
00:15:17Excuse me, I...
00:15:22I only go to restaurants with deaf waiters.
00:15:25Ah.
00:15:28Hi!
00:15:30Hello, mate.
00:15:32Oh, um...
00:15:33Peace man.
00:15:34Surprise, surprise.
00:15:35Surprise.
00:15:36Been anywhere controversial?
00:15:37Pictures.
00:15:38The boyfriend.
00:15:39She's slim.
00:15:40I'm just going to the, um...
00:15:42Oh, I'll come with you.
00:15:45Are you and Beryl, um...
00:15:47You know.
00:15:49Uh...
00:15:51You know.
00:15:53Oh.
00:15:55Would you, uh...
00:16:05Would you sort of reckon she's a...
00:16:08Fair sort of bird?
00:16:10Sort of.
00:16:11She's all right?
00:16:13Yeah.
00:16:14I mean, nothing sensational, obviously.
00:16:17Geoffrey.
00:16:18She's a bird.
00:16:20You're having a coffee with us?
00:16:24No thanks, kid.
00:16:25Neville's ravenous.
00:16:26You've just eaten.
00:16:28Oh, of course.
00:16:29Yeah.
00:16:30Sorry.
00:16:31You see, what I thought Ken was always trying to do...
00:16:34By implication?
00:16:35Probably by implication.
00:16:36Was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgement.
00:16:41You see?
00:16:42Yes.
00:16:43Was he the errand boy?
00:16:44Was he the errand boy?
00:16:45Ken Thingy.
00:16:46He directed it.
00:16:47Oh, yes.
00:16:48I was probably thinking of Andy Warhol.
00:16:49Probably.
00:16:50You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:53Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:54It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:16:55And you're talking to me.
00:16:56You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:16:58Well, I'm probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:16:59It's over 200 yards from the cinema.
00:17:01And you're talking to me.
00:17:02I'm like the whole way.
00:17:03The whole way.
00:17:04I'm like the person.
00:17:05Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:07Sex.
00:17:08Marriage.
00:17:09Pardon?
00:17:10The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:11A couple of days later, but...
00:17:12And as you are saying, I don't know, are you all right?
00:17:13Or do you have any kids?
00:17:14What, do you have any kids coming?
00:17:15You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:16Oh, boy.
00:17:17All right.
00:17:18You're not like other boys at all, are you?
00:17:19Well, probably a little more mature, that's all.
00:17:20It's over 200 yards from the cinema and you talk to me the whole way.
00:17:21Like a person.
00:17:22Other boys seem to have one-track minds these days.
00:17:24Sex.
00:17:25Marriage.
00:17:26Oh, what?
00:17:27Pardon?
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them.
00:17:31A couple of dates and pal they want to get married.
00:17:34I want to live a bit before I get married.
00:17:37I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it.
00:17:40Get married?
00:17:43No.
00:17:48Actually, I find girls, most girls,
00:17:51a bit obsessed these days.
00:17:54Not marriage.
00:17:56No. Sex.
00:17:59Percy Phil?
00:18:02Sex. That's what I said.
00:18:05Oh.
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that.
00:18:09Not Percy Phil motivated?
00:18:11No.
00:18:13No.
00:18:26Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell?
00:18:30Yeah.
00:18:31No.
00:18:37This is it.
00:18:39I won't come in with it being our first date.
00:18:54No.
00:18:55Oh.
00:18:56Anywhere me mum's gone to bed, we'd be on our own.
00:18:58Is that a reason for me not coming in, though?
00:19:01Yes, Geoffrey.
00:19:03Oh.
00:19:04Oh.
00:19:13Nice house.
00:19:1625-year mortgage.
00:19:18Oh, thanks for seeing me home.
00:19:19Funny, isn't it?
00:19:20First date with someone.
00:19:21It always leads to one of three things.
00:19:33Either nothing.
00:19:35Or something.
00:19:37Or everything.
00:19:40Or everything.
00:19:43Don't think about Percy Phil at this stage, Peryl.
00:19:45I'm not.
00:19:48No, I'm not.
00:19:51Night-night.
00:19:52God bless.
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females.
00:20:08What is it?
00:20:09327-4421.
00:20:11The easy way to remember it is the three and the two make five, which is two less than seven,
00:20:15then two fours, and half of four, which is two, and half of two, which is one.
00:20:19Um...
00:20:20But you mustn't ring me if you don't want.
00:20:21No.
00:20:22But you can if you do.
00:20:23Do you want me to?
00:20:24Not if you'd rather not.
00:20:26327-4421.
00:20:27Good night.
00:20:52Well, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
00:20:53Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea.
00:20:54Oh, they all have a past life flashed before me then.
00:20:55Can't be Mother's Day.
00:20:56You'd have forgotten.
00:20:57Has there been any clips?
00:20:58Mum, I want the benefit of your experience.
00:21:00What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:02You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:03Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:04Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:05These things.
00:21:06Everything.
00:21:07Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:08Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:09He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:10See, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:11Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:12Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:13Oh, no-one.
00:21:14Oh, no-one.
00:21:15Oh, no-one.
00:21:16Oh, no-one.
00:21:17What do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:18You see, Geoffrey has this theory that by implication...
00:21:19Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:20Of course, Geoffrey knows about these things.
00:21:21Oh, these things.
00:21:22Everything.
00:21:23Who's Geoffrey?
00:21:24He's fantastically intelligent.
00:21:25You see, Geoffrey's idea...
00:21:26Bella, who's Geoffrey?
00:21:27Oh, no-one.
00:21:28No-one.
00:21:29No-one's special.
00:21:35His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:40Geoffrey? Oh, no-one.
00:21:47No-one's special.
00:21:52His name's Geoffrey.
00:21:58How did this Beryl Bird turn out last night?
00:22:01What Beryl Bird? I told him.
00:22:04Did she, er...
00:22:06Did she, er...
00:22:08What?
00:22:11Wow!
00:22:14She doesn't, then.
00:22:16You don't listen, do you? I said...
00:22:18How about Sandra?
00:22:26Chips.
00:22:34Not seeing him tonight, then.
00:22:39Who?
00:22:44I'd rather better things to do, thank you.
00:22:55Said he was no-one special.
00:22:57Have they got a phone here?
00:23:00Why?
00:23:03They haven't, have they?
00:23:05Do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:08If I did, do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:10Look, are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you?
00:23:15We'll split after this game.
00:23:16Anything you say.
00:23:17Then go for a few of the King's Head.
00:23:19Great.
00:23:21And that ends our pro...
00:23:23Well, Monday tomorrow.
00:23:25Hallelujah.
00:23:26Pardon?
00:23:27I don't know what you're paying for that phone, but whatever it is, you're being done.
00:23:31Good night.
00:23:32Good night.
00:23:34Good night.
00:23:51Good morning.
00:23:53Good morning.
00:23:54Morning. Morning.
00:24:10Chalton for Pope. Long may it reign. Amen.
00:24:14What's going on? Pounds up again.
00:24:18Oh, God. Today's special. Bloody travellers, Jax.
00:24:23Yeah. Suddenly everyone's going on holiday. So it does.
00:24:27Enjoy yourself while you're young.
00:24:45Why do we always do that? 93 times a day?
00:24:49We never say anything.
00:24:53Just as the sun was rising, I heard the maiden singing in the valley below.
00:25:00My timing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:03My typing, not disturbing your singing, I hope.
00:25:19See Geoffrey on Sunday.
00:25:22Oh, Geoffrey.
00:25:24That Neville's the greatest.
00:25:29Is he dishy or is he dishy?
00:25:33He never promised he's going to take the same time you film this.
00:25:36I'm considering packing Geoffrey in.
00:25:38One date was enough.
00:25:40Why?
00:25:42He's cancer and I'm Libra.
00:25:44Is that bad?
00:25:46Hopeless.
00:25:48Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment.
00:25:52Five.
00:25:53Five.
00:25:54Five.
00:25:55Five.
00:25:56Five.
00:25:57Five.
00:25:58Which is...
00:25:59Three and two is five.
00:26:00Which is two less than seven.
00:26:02Which is...
00:26:03I see the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza.
00:26:07Bank lot.
00:26:08Your lot.
00:26:09Football supporters.
00:26:10Hippies.
00:26:11Oh.
00:26:12My lot.
00:26:13Oh.
00:26:14My lot.
00:26:15At the third stroke, it will be seven twenty-two and forty seconds.
00:26:20It will be seven twenty-two and fifty seconds.
00:26:21That's it then.
00:26:22Fate.
00:26:23All over by seven twenty-three precisely.
00:26:27So what?
00:26:28Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:42Is that the speaking clock?
00:26:4423 precisely. So what? Plenty more where she came from.
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock? Is that Geoffrey? Is that Beryl?
00:26:59Yes. Yes. Hi.
00:27:04Hi.
00:27:14It's terrifically exciting, isn't it? Getting to know a person.
00:27:27Fantastic.
00:27:32I want to know all about you.
00:27:35That's what it's all about.
00:27:39For example, with things in common already.
00:27:41Definitely.
00:27:45Like what?
00:27:49We're enormously fond of animals.
00:27:52Right.
00:27:54And we're both from Manchester.
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad?
00:28:02No.
00:28:04Have you?
00:28:05No.
00:28:06Unless you count Istanbul.
00:28:09Istanbul? Was it beyond belief?
00:28:11I don't know. I was only three.
00:28:14Do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before?
00:28:22Sometimes.
00:28:23I do.
00:28:26What now?
00:28:29No.
00:28:30Just, just sometimes.
00:28:31Oh, don't he come down here.
00:28:34Yes, I do.
00:28:35Come down here.
00:28:38Such a lot, isn't there?
00:28:41In getting to know others.
00:28:43Hmm.
00:28:44He was lithe and easy-limbed, his stride quietly casual, his eyes clear and confident, and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed, assured, lopsided grin.
00:29:02You know, Geoffrey, you have a really lopsided grin.
00:29:05Really?
00:29:06You know, lopsided.
00:29:07I don't think I have.
00:29:08It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:09See?
00:29:10Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:11He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:14It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:15It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:16Men can do anything.
00:29:17Conquer Everest.
00:29:18Do heart transplants.
00:29:19Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:20Anything!
00:29:21I don't think I have.
00:29:22I don't think I have.
00:29:23It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:24It's in the eye of the beholder.
00:29:25See?
00:29:26Geoffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot.
00:29:27He holds it down with his little finger.
00:29:28It must be marvellous, being a man.
00:29:29It's OK, I suppose.
00:29:30Men can do anything.
00:29:31Conquer Everest.
00:29:32Do heart transplants.
00:29:33Become leader of the opposition.
00:29:35Anything!
00:29:52Geoffrey, NO spells no.
00:29:54It's good for your circulation, Beryl.
00:29:56Read any women's magazine.
00:29:59It's good for theirs, too.
00:30:01Not sure they recommend Percy Filth on Tuesdays.
00:30:04I only see on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
00:30:06All Saturdays.
00:30:09Beryl.
00:30:14Oh, Beryl.
00:30:15Oh, Geoffrey Bobble's bumble.
00:30:17Oh, Beryl.
00:30:19Oh, Geoffrey.
00:30:20Oh, Beryl!
00:30:22Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me.
00:30:25I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony.
00:30:27Pardon?
00:30:28Pardon?
00:30:33Come back. They're better.
00:30:35It's better. I'm OK.
00:30:40I told you, it's going to pour.
00:30:43It's not.
00:30:47Urgh.
00:30:51It's only the angels crying.
00:30:55I know how they feel.
00:30:57Well, don't blame me. I haven't done anything.
00:31:00That's true.
00:31:02That's not true, Beryl. I have apologised.
00:31:05I keep going down on me knees when I'm talking to you.
00:31:08Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer.
00:31:11It must be a bad line. I can't hear you.
00:31:14You'd better apologise again.
00:31:16I apologise again.
00:31:18Gosh, this lousy line.
00:31:19I wonder if Geoffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday.
00:31:23Pardon?
00:31:24Pardon?
00:31:25Pardon?
00:31:26Is that who I think it is?
00:31:27No, dear.
00:31:28Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:30Sardine sandwich?
00:31:31Is it all sardine?
00:31:32Yeah.
00:31:33She's got her own trawler.
00:31:34Isn't it all sardine?
00:31:35What?
00:31:36Isn't it awful?
00:31:37What?
00:31:38I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:31:39Sardine.
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice?
00:31:50Sardine sandwich.
00:31:52Is it all sardine? Yeah.
00:31:55She's got her own trawler.
00:32:03Isn't it awful? What?
00:32:05I was speaking to Geoffrey.
00:32:07What's happening in the world? I blame the politicians.
00:32:10What for?
00:32:11For what's happening in the world.
00:32:17Talk to her.
00:32:20I can't speak Portuguese.
00:32:23Tasty.
00:32:25Very in oil.
00:32:27Very nice in oil. She's got a bad leg.
00:32:31The bread's extremely wholesome.
00:32:33I have this little baker down the road.
00:32:35He does something with the bleach.
00:32:39Yes.
00:32:46I can't do long conversations about sardine sandwiches.
00:32:49Your mind goes blank.
00:32:53I start thinking about life after death.
00:32:55Oh, that Neville, honestly.
00:32:56Number of hearts he must have broken.
00:32:57Every girl in Manchester nearly.
00:32:58Geoffrey definitely has. Probably even more.
00:32:59Air hostesses. All sorts. Tell me about your terrible past Geoffrey.
00:33:08I haven't had one yet.
00:33:10White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:11Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:13Wow, is that the time at this moment in time?
00:33:14What have I done?
00:33:15Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:16Not in the slightest.
00:33:17You're lucky.
00:33:18Why is Geoffrey?
00:33:19You're lucky.
00:33:20Why is Geoffrey?
00:33:21Wow.
00:33:22You're not jealous of all my experiences.
00:33:23Tell me about your terrible past Geoffrey.
00:33:24I haven't had one yet.
00:33:25White man speak with forked tongue.
00:33:26Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future.
00:33:27I haven't had one yet.
00:33:32Wow, is that the time at this moment in time?
00:33:35What have I done?
00:33:36Is Neville the insanely jealous type?
00:33:39Right in the slightest.
00:33:41You're lucky.
00:33:42Why is Geoffrey?
00:33:44Wow.
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex-flames, are you?
00:33:49Of course not.
00:33:50Why should I be?
00:33:51Please stop interrogating me, Geoffrey.
00:33:53Forget it.
00:33:54That's all in the past.
00:33:57Then, nothing to be jealous about.
00:34:03Who needs drama?
00:34:06So I shouted back at her.
00:34:08No shop assistant shouts at me, I shouted.
00:34:10In the end, Neville nearly bolted me for swearing.
00:34:13He thumped you?
00:34:15Walloped you on?
00:34:17No.
00:34:18I said nearly.
00:34:20You'll never thump me, will you?
00:34:24Like Neville does Sandra.
00:34:25She adores it.
00:34:27Of course not.
00:34:29No.
00:34:31Geoffrey, Percy Filth isn't the only thing in life.
00:34:36It isn't even one of the things in mine.
00:34:38You used to talk to me.
00:34:39All right.
00:34:40Let's talk.
00:34:41Geoffrey, I've just had the most super idea.
00:34:43Why?
00:34:44Is your mum going out?
00:34:45May as well pack in, really.
00:34:47Why?
00:34:48Why not?
00:34:49Good thinking.
00:34:50Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:34:51You too, it was real.
00:34:52Psychedelic.
00:34:53You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:34:54We're scratched anyway.
00:34:55It's been a gasp.
00:34:56It's been a gasp.
00:34:57Yeah.
00:34:58You're not.
00:34:59You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:00I'm not.
00:35:01What?
00:35:02We're not.
00:35:03You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:04I was scratched anyway.
00:35:05You can keep me grateful dead, LP.
00:35:06Thanks for a stimulating few weeks.
00:35:11You too. It was real.
00:35:13Psychedelic.
00:35:15You can keep me Grateful Dead, LP. I was scratched anyway.
00:35:19It's been a gasp.
00:35:21Groovy.
00:35:23I won't wave from the window.
00:35:25No, I won't look back anyway.
00:35:27Good.
00:35:28It's been a gasp.
00:35:29You've said that once.
00:35:36You're well read, Beryl. There's plenty more fish in the sea.
00:35:43About three very lonely sardines.
00:35:49Mother, please don't try raising one eyebrow at me.
00:35:52You know you can't do it.
00:35:59You'll never thump me, will you, Geoffrey?
00:36:02Ow!
00:36:03Beryl, I've just had the most super idea.
00:36:06Are we going to put it in?
00:36:08No.
00:36:09We're going to pack it in.
00:36:10Don't say that. Please don't say that.
00:36:12That.
00:36:15Sandra.
00:36:16Sandra.
00:36:17You're Sandra.
00:36:19Mine.
00:36:22Two months.
00:36:24Two months, nine days.
00:36:28Is she positive?
00:36:29The test was.
00:36:30What are you going to do?
00:36:33She'll think of something.
00:36:34Sandra, it's stupendous.
00:36:39Congratulations.
00:36:40I hope you'll both be very happy.
00:36:41Oh, thanks, kid.
00:36:44Sandra, I don't know how you do it.
00:36:47Often.
00:36:48Come, isn't.
00:36:49I'm not gonna be alone.
00:36:50Never mind.
00:36:51That's good.
00:36:52All right, man.
00:36:53I've done.
00:36:54You've been one last hour.
00:36:55I've done.
00:36:56Good.
00:36:58It's a better job, man.
00:36:59Do you know how you do it?
00:37:00That's all right.
00:37:01I've done.
00:37:03You've been one last time, Willie.
00:37:04I don't know.
00:37:34John for Pope. Long May Reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:55And you're, uh...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:01I'm meeting my parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:03That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:30All I was saying about your friend with the glasses...
00:38:33Rowland.
00:38:34Rowland.
00:38:35Is that I found him intellectually unaware...
00:38:37And psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:50I packed her in.
00:38:53Good.
00:38:53Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:13Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:16It must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:32I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:34They aren't all after Percy, Philse.
00:39:40Yes, they are.
00:39:42Mmm.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:48Mmm.
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights
00:40:04and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:10My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm.
00:40:15Mmm, please.
00:40:16Mmm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:25Mmm.
00:40:26Oh, smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:33It is me birthday.
00:40:37What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:40I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49I was 11 years old.
00:41:13Hmm.
00:41:13what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no stephen
00:41:27god that turns me on
00:41:31when i first met you in the street i thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:43shows you the art of conversation ain't dead
00:41:45don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:13testing testing jeffrey minnehab returns to the day i wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25i'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:53no
00:42:55they just mark it
00:42:56anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock
00:43:08what's he doing here then
00:43:10well
00:43:12this is your uncle stephen
00:43:15this is my revolting brother jeremy
00:43:19how do you do
00:43:23don't my mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25jeremy bed
00:43:26i could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you
00:43:42say no
00:43:44no
00:43:44i do
00:43:45say yes
00:43:46shall i tell you
00:43:47he knows
00:43:48the man has this male organ
00:43:50and some blood cells
00:43:52and erectile glands
00:43:53and there's these 500 million spur metazoas
00:43:56in these testes
00:43:57that he has as well
00:43:58and they go through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus
00:44:01that the lady has
00:44:02who told you that
00:44:04then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg
00:44:09the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do
00:44:13then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school?
00:44:19they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats
00:44:26and rats i think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:31no
00:44:32um
00:44:33that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well
00:44:39people do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:46in the next class you can do metal work
00:44:52if you don't like woodwork
00:44:54good night jeremy
00:44:56good night jeremy
00:44:58good night uncle steven
00:45:12good night uncle steven
00:45:14who the hell's uncle steven at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:27a friend of jeremy's
00:45:28he's going now
00:45:30good night love
00:45:31we would have done that wouldn't we?
00:45:32and how?
00:45:33can't win them all can you?
00:45:34anyway do you good going without for a change
00:45:37still there's always another day
00:45:53tomorrow?
00:45:54no
00:45:55tomorrow's another day
00:45:57tomorrow's another day
00:45:58shh
00:45:59not unless you happen to be in Plymouth
00:46:01where?
00:46:02i'm joining the wrens for three years
00:46:03what wrens?
00:46:04the royal navy's wrens
00:46:05this time tomorrow i'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:10i hope i like it
00:46:37well thanks... thanks for nearly everything
00:46:39We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really. Almost.
00:46:48Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:52Goodnight, lover.
00:46:54Try a barrel.
00:47:09Morning, previous generation.
00:47:26What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:33Now, what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:37I'm sorry, Mum.
00:47:39I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:41Like what?
00:47:43Dad, you understand.
00:47:46I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49You always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different.
00:47:59I knew you'd understand.
00:48:07Go on, Geoffrey.
00:48:09Go again.
00:48:10Go on, Geoffrey.
00:48:12PHONE RINGS
00:48:30Charlton for Pope. Long me reign. Amen.
00:48:33What's going on? Pound's down again.
00:48:36Up and down like a pair of knickers. You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night.
00:48:59Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:10Bloody yes.
00:49:14Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:16Beryl, please.
00:49:18It's Neville's engagement party as well.
00:49:20You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:26I'll see other girls.
00:49:28I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:32It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really.
00:49:40Finally splitting up.
00:49:42He only had one ambition in life.
00:49:56Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:49:58Good job she hasn't joined the rent.
00:50:00The entire navy had gone strike.
00:50:02I expect he's sorry now.
00:50:04I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:06She might have changed, of course.
00:50:08If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:10He's got to accept we've finally split up.
00:50:11Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:17If she has, I might have let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:23He's got to accept we've finally split up, otherwise I won't take him back.
00:50:29Yeah, Sadler's.
00:50:32Isn't he right?
00:50:35They've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move.
00:50:45At least I've got me pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi. Didn't see you. No, nor me.
00:50:54And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:05Uh, I asked you what was new with him.
00:51:11Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:21And how's Beryl, baby, getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl, baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again. Beryl, baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:35You laugh. Everybody laughs. It's the story of my life.
00:51:40You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an act.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:56I don't know what they're doing.
00:51:57Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:06Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:13Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17What is?
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20I had this bad seat, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:31So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where it's at, man.
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag, baby.
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action,
00:52:50don't cool it.
00:52:51Big?
00:52:56Hmm?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:07Gesundheit.
00:53:09I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:14And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:31Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:41If so, what's death?
00:53:48Erm...
00:53:49A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:01Erm...
00:54:01No.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05Are you married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:10Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14Are you a poet?
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencer's.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really dare you.
00:54:30Now, he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:39Cutting over.
00:54:45What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:49Oh, come on, now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty-gritty-sville, okay?
00:55:00Women's lip is not about burning bras.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a wide wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:31Balls.
00:55:32Grass?
00:55:33Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Oh!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02Wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything, freedom from all-male chauvinist, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me...
00:56:10If we're liberating society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, you've got your hand on me...
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry!
00:56:19Wow, man, sorry!
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee!
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, you've knocked it.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:37Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we believe is...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:55You see...
00:56:56Well, one.
00:56:58I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:01You doing?
00:57:03What are you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:16Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you, I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just show in real life, that's all.
00:57:48I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51A perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:02Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:06I should pack me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:24I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:49Oh, sorry.
00:58:54Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56You can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:05Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:16Usually.
00:59:22I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:26She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:32Geoffrey?
00:59:37Geoffrey?
00:59:43Sorry.
00:59:45Geoffrey.
00:59:53Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:05It's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:08Oh.
01:00:14Call Dr. Wise, put a quillms low road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:26What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:31This bus wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:38From the front lawn.
01:00:49Like you, Beryl.
01:00:55Had a nice time.
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind.
01:01:01If you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten.
01:01:05Having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:31Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave it to rest.
01:01:44I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17And I did.
01:02:22I tell you.
01:02:25I don't think I'd do this.
01:02:27I don't know.
01:02:28Let's look.
01:02:28I don't know.
01:02:32I don't know.
01:02:34It ain't.
01:02:35I can't go to school with me.
01:02:36It ain't.
01:02:37I can't go to school with mountains.
01:02:39I am.
01:02:40Well, I have to remember.
01:02:42Fuck fuck fuck.
01:02:42To be revealed.
01:02:43I have to go to school fest.
01:02:44There's a couple of days.
01:02:45I don't know.
01:03:15Geoffrey, can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:23Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:42Hello.
01:03:45Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51You're a bugger.
01:03:54I don't know who he takes after.
01:04:03Hello?
01:04:04It's me.
01:04:05Who?
01:04:06My God, that's symbolic.
01:04:08Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in, tonight or any other night.
01:04:17Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20I must have a phone call.
01:04:22I need to pay for sale.
01:04:26Come on.
01:04:29Come on.
01:04:30Come on.
01:04:32Come on.
01:04:33Come on.
01:04:34Come on.
01:04:35A small world.
01:04:52Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:04Look, who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning, it's just that the vicar's been around burning his jockstrap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:34Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:52Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:58Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the co-op.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:12The fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:23Away from home.
01:06:25They've won three, drawn five and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Yeah.
01:06:42Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:14Ooh, dear!
01:07:16I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:39Yes.
01:07:39Well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:47I don't mean permissive permissive.
01:07:51See?
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:53Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:08:02Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:13Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr. and Mrs. Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:43Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:09:04Did I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains?
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:10Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:21If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:29I don't think so.
01:09:31A barrel would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:39I wouldn't say that.
01:09:40I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:45What word?
01:09:46Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55I never said you were.
01:09:56You think it.
01:09:56I never said you were.
01:09:56You think it.
01:09:57All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:16Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:17Well, until I am.
01:10:21If I ever do.
01:10:22Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:38Sorry?
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:04Hmm.
01:11:05My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:07Oh, what's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24All right.
01:11:27The weeks and months dragged by, and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night learning what N.O. spells and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:47And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me, says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:07We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals, and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:30That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:49Look, Beryl.
01:12:50How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau, and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:56Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right, right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar.
01:13:03Amen.
01:13:05Oh, well.
01:13:07Pound's up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Where do you think you're going?
01:13:17Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:26To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:42That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:45The only bit I can remember is, and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United, and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:57Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:01The main thing is, we do communicate.
01:14:13Oh, we do.
01:14:15See what face did I want to do?
01:14:25See what I think?
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:28Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl?
01:14:42Are you...
01:14:46happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:04Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:46Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47There isn't.
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49There isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know, crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:08Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:20There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:55Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:09If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:15No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:53Used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33I think so.
01:18:34We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:54Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:19:00St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:02So, that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:19And what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teethine ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:27Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With her sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:11She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:14A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:27I know, spells, no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra,
01:20:38this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest,
01:20:49seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside,
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more,
01:20:56no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:21:00Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:14And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here.
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:30Whew.
01:21:31Whew.
01:21:33Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group with the parents, please.
01:21:43Right.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it, a little bit like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:05I see, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17Oh, yeah.
01:22:18Why?
01:22:19Has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21Oh?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon.
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:22Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed a bit.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:55and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:04I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:34Oh, hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:58You won't remember me.
01:25:01Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:25:02Oh, um, is, uh, is Beryl there, please?
01:25:08She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football.
01:25:13It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:32When's the kick-off?
01:25:44In about three months.
01:25:47Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:48Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:53Forgot.
01:25:54I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:58Where will you go now, then?
01:26:00I don't know.
01:26:04Could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:07Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well, if you like.
01:26:22Don't mind.
01:26:23Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:28I wish we had a ball.
01:26:38I'd play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:49Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:26:58Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:22We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:28There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:49Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:51Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:53Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:54Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:55Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:56Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:57Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:58Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:59Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:00Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:01Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:02Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:03Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:05Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:06Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:07Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:08Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:09Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:10Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:11Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:12Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:13And you'll find sometimes
01:28:33Love and rainy weather can turn outside
01:28:37Getting wet together's fun
01:28:43When the crying's dark
01:28:48Love and rainy weather
01:28:53Are followed by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:08When the crying's dark
01:29:13Love and rainy weather
01:29:18Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather
01:29:25Are followed by the sun
01:29:27Love and rainy weather
01:29:28Are followed by the sun
01:29:30Love and rainy weather
01:29:32Are followed by the sun
01:29:33So now...
01:29:34After the sun
01:29:35I'm moving to the sun
01:29:36The sun
01:29:37The sun
01:29:38This is my back
01:29:39I'm moving to the sun
01:29:40I'm moving to the sun
01:29:41below the sun
01:29:42The sun
01:29:43With the sun
01:29:44I'm moving to the sun
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