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The Death of Bunny Munro Season 1 Episode 2
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#RealityTVDeep
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Please be aware that this program also contains themes of suicide.
00:04I'll see you next time.
00:34Look at me.
00:39It feels different.
00:43Yeah.
00:43Yeah, like...
00:44Yeah.
00:45Like it's bigger than us now.
00:47And it's close, like...
00:53It feels divine.
00:57I love it.
01:00I love having a baby.
01:03I love having a baby.
01:06I fucking love you, Bunny.
01:16Yeah.
01:21Dad.
01:23What are we gonna do now?
01:32Come on, Junior.
01:36We're gonna get out there and shake that money tree.
01:38That's what we're gonna do.
01:44Come on, Junior.
01:47Oh, last thing.
01:48And don't stop me if you've heard this one before.
01:50All right, Bun.
01:51All right, Ray.
01:52What's green and smells of bacon?
01:53How's the egg?
01:55Kermit's finger.
01:59Are you okay?
02:00I'll see you later.
02:01See you later.
02:07How you doing, my friend?
02:09Tip fucking top.
02:11Always.
02:12So, er...
02:13So what you doing here?
02:14What do you think?
02:16I'm ready to go, so I need the list.
02:18Listen, Bun.
02:20When I lost my Hilda,
02:23it took a while.
02:24Fine.
02:25Why don't you just take some time?
02:26There is no time.
02:28I need to get out there, get warmed up.
02:30What for?
02:31One week.
02:32To the big one.
02:35What, the expo?
02:37There'll be others, Bun.
02:38Nah.
02:42They won't.
02:43It's an annual event, Bun.
02:45It happens every year.
02:49Oh.
02:50Oh, Christ.
02:51What happened last night?
02:52You brought shame to the House of Eternity Enterprises.
02:55Yeah, I also pissed myself.
02:58You all right, Bun?
02:59You all right, Beedle?
03:00We're going down the Bedford for a little drinky-poos.
03:02I'll come.
03:08We've got to hit the road.
03:09What, no school today?
03:10We're shaking the money tree.
03:12Getting ready for the big one.
03:14Right, Dad?
03:15Right.
03:16Now, Geoffrey,
03:17if you'd be so very kind,
03:18give me the fucking list.
03:20Okay, Bunny.
03:21You're the boss.
03:23No, Geoffrey, you're the boss.
03:25I just happen to be the only guy in this two-bit operation
03:27who has the faintest fucking idea how to sell anything.
03:33He's not wrong.
03:34Oh, baby.
03:36It's a commitment.
03:38It's a commitment.
03:39It's a commitment, baby.
03:40I know my wife, don't work.
03:43It's a commitment, baby.
03:46It's a commitment.
03:47I met my wife coming back
03:53We got to love one another or die, brother
04:10We got to love one another or die, oh baby
04:14Cause it's super glue, it's super glue, it's super glue
04:24Knock him down
04:29Knock him down
04:32My gift to you
04:49She lives in Newhaven
04:51Ouch
04:52You will find her the most accommodating customer
04:57You think I've lost it, Pooh?
05:03No, of course not
05:05Of course not, mate
05:05I just thought it might help with the grieving process
05:08If I ever need your freebies, Poodle
05:09I'll ask for them
05:11At which point you can shoot me in the head
05:13Love you
05:19Love you too
05:22Now fuck off
05:23What now?
05:34We're going to relieve some boobs of their cabbage
05:36What?
05:38We're going to sell some stuff
05:40Yeah
05:43What does shaking the money tree actually mean?
06:02It's like this
06:03If you walk up to an oak tree
06:06One of those big solid bastards with roots that grow deep in the soil
06:10You walk up to a tree like that and give it a shake
06:13What happens?
06:14I don't know
06:15Well
06:16Nothing bloody happens, does it?
06:19You could stand there shaking it all day long
06:21All that's going to happen is your arms will get tired, right?
06:24Right?
06:27Yeah
06:27Of course
06:28But if you walk up to a skinny, dry, fucked up little tree
06:32With a withered trunk and a few leaves
06:34Clinging on for dear life
06:36And you put your hands round it
06:37And shake the shit out of it
06:39As we say in the trade
06:40Then those bloody leaves are going to come flying off, right?
06:43So
06:43The oak tree's the rich bastard
06:45And the skinny tree's the poor soul
06:46Who hasn't got any money
06:47Are you with me?
06:48Now
06:49That all sounds easier than it is, bunny boy
06:50Do you want to know why?
06:53Okay, dad
06:54Because every fucking bastard and his dog
06:56Has got hold of the little tree
06:57And it's shaking it for all it's worth
06:59The government
06:59The bloody landlord
07:00The lottery
07:01They don't have a chance in hell of winning
07:02All the useless shit
07:04They see on TV
07:05The fruit machines
07:06The bookies
07:07Every bastard and his three-legged
07:08One-eyed
07:08Tox-widden dog
07:10Is shaking this little tree
07:11For all it's worth
07:12So
07:13You've got to set yourself apart
07:17You've got to have something
07:20They think they need
07:21Above all else
07:23What's that?
07:25Hope
07:26The dream
07:28You've got to sell them the dream
07:32What's the dream?
07:41Me
07:41Right
07:45Not you
07:46You're the navigator
07:49You're in charge of the map
07:51Making sure we're headed in the right direction
07:54Very important job
07:55You up for it?
07:55Yeah
07:56So what do I do now?
07:58You wait in the car
07:59Okay
08:03Hi boys
08:05Now
08:12Let's see what we have here
08:13Amanda
08:14I've got you down
08:14For the Moroccan Rose Bath Oil
08:16Renutri-lifting cream
08:17Plus you wanted the dermo expertise
08:19I saw this
08:20And
08:21Bottle of scotch
08:22In a good night's sleep
08:24Oh yeah right
08:25We're my kids
08:26You know what I mean
08:27Now Zoe
08:27I'm very disappointed in you
08:30I'm sorry he's disappointed
08:32Hello
08:32You've ordered the geranium and orange bath oil
08:34And the eye solace
08:35But
08:36And it pains me to say this
08:37You've not
08:39Ordered
08:40The lifting cream
08:41Oh you absolute fiend
08:44Oh you absolute fiend
08:44Am I in trouble Mr. Munro
08:46100% plant oil
08:48Natural fragrance
08:49Liquid heaven
08:50Barry White's in a bottle
08:52It's a big bottle isn't it
08:54You know what baffles me is why a woman as fine as yourself
09:00Fears it justifiable to deny her body the very thing
09:03It aches for
09:04I'm very very disappointed in you
09:09Buy the bloody cream
09:12Right
09:12I'll take it
09:14Marvellous
09:15Now
09:15Georgia
09:17I've got you down for the bath oil
09:22The hair mask
09:22The pro-collagen night cream
09:24And
09:25Anything else
09:28Anything
09:33Um
09:33I know
09:36I fucking get seen to
09:39Now
09:40Ladies
09:42What I am shocked
09:44And quite frankly appalled
09:46I'm a bona fide professional
09:47But then again they do say that
09:49A satisfied customer is a loyal customer
09:51So we can't leave you
09:53Unsatisfied
09:56Can
09:57Learn
10:06Go and watch telly
10:09Go
10:10Out you go
10:12Go on
10:13Come on
10:16Yours
10:19Uh yeah
10:21Precious
10:23Uh
10:27Do you have any kids Mr Munro or
10:32Yeah I do
10:33A boy
10:35How old is he
10:37Seven
10:40Ten maybe
10:43I'm afraid ladies the time has crept up on me
10:52Come on
10:52Come on
10:53It's still early
10:54What uh
10:55Taste
11:10Uh
11:10Uh
11:12Dude
11:13Dang
11:13Uh
11:14attitude
11:14Uh
11:15I love you
11:15Stay
11:16幫 me
11:17Yeah
11:17Turn
11:18Where
11:18You
11:19Are
11:20Blizzard
11:21You
11:21You
11:21Who
11:21Oh, my God.
11:51...shopping in Birmingham descended into chaos.
11:54When a man now dubbed, the horned killer appeared.
11:58Horrified witnesses noted the presence of fresh blood on the garden forky wheels.
12:03Residents of Birmingham have been advised...
12:05It's time to get the hell out of this town.
12:09It's done.
12:12It's gone sour.
12:14Me too.
12:18Yeah, why the fuck not?
12:21Okay.
12:22Great.
12:25Where are we going to go?
12:27Where do you want to go?
12:30Mummy always said she liked to live in the countryside one day on a farm.
12:34I think I'd like that too.
12:37Okey dokey, farm it is.
12:38Yeah.
12:40Cool.
12:41Can we have animals?
12:42It'd be a pretty crap farm with no animals, wouldn't it?
12:45Yeah.
12:46Pretty crap, all right.
12:47Can we have chickens?
12:50Of course we can.
12:51And cows?
12:52Blocks of them.
12:54Herds.
12:55Them too.
12:55And a great big horny bull.
12:58And an alligator.
13:01But...
13:02Fuck it.
13:02Two big bastard alligators.
13:05But we don't get alligators on a farm.
13:08Well, you do on our farm, mate.
13:11Eh?
13:14Okay.
13:15Right, come on then, navigator.
13:16Oh yeah, good lad.
13:35Good lad.
13:37You all right, mate?
13:38He's only having a go, you kiddo.
13:40Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it.
13:43Good, good, good.
13:47Inyo.
13:48Right, come on then, navigator.
13:50Your chance will shine.
13:52Where are we going?
13:57Erm...
13:58Charlotte, Parnovar, Shoreham.
14:01Have you been there before?
14:03Nope, but I know we're going to have some fun.
14:06Are we?
14:07Yeah.
14:14Shoreham's...
14:15Shoreham, it's right there.
14:19Ow.
14:22What is wrong with you?
14:23I told you, it's my eyes.
14:28I need cream.
14:30Mummy used to get it from chemists, but...
14:34All right, here's what we'll do.
14:43I'll drop you at a chemist, and while I go and take care of the lovely Charlotte Parnovar,
14:47you can get your cream, all right?
14:50On my own?
14:51Yeah.
14:52I'll be quick.
14:54Yeah.
14:54Oh, yeah.
14:56It's the Bourbon girls.
14:58They're all the same.
15:00Trapped in their immaculate little identikit houses.
15:03They contact the office asking for a free demonstration of this cream, that bomb.
15:07Whatever.
15:08Not what they really want, not what they're secretly playing for.
15:11What's that?
15:12A real man to smash through their doors and tear their fucking lights apart for half an hour.
15:18And that's you, right, Dad?
15:19That's absolutely right, Bunny, my boy.
15:32There's a chemist down on the high street.
15:35You go and get your cream.
15:36Okay.
15:41Listen, I won't be long, so you go and get your cream, then come back and wait for me here on those steps.
15:49Good.
15:56Don't talk to strangers!
16:19Brida Kahlo.
16:35Beautiful.
16:36Isn't she?
16:41You okay?
16:42Yeah.
16:46Just not quite feeling myself today.
16:49Anyway, let's get back to business, shall we?
16:52So this replenishing cream is just heaven for the tootsies, miss.
16:55May I call you Charlotte?
16:57Sure.
16:58Or you can call me Bunny.
17:02Bunny?
17:03You are joking, right?
17:13Oh, I'm deadly serious.
17:16And you know what they say about bunnies.
17:18What do they say?
17:20Well, you know, that they...
17:22I don't know what they say.
17:25Does this routine actually work on the ladies, Bunny?
17:38Yeah.
17:42Did you just wink at me?
17:44Maybe.
17:46Oh, you are beyond belief.
17:47So they tell me.
17:48Now, this rub will make you feel...
17:51Where did you crawl from, Bunny?
17:53The tarpits.
17:54Like the princess you've always deserved to be.
17:56You're a dodo.
17:58You should have a sign hanging around your neck saying extinct.
18:00Hey.
18:01I don't know what you think is going on here, but...
18:05I'm just trying to do my job, okay?
18:08Trying to make a living.
18:08Trying to provide for my son.
18:10Your son?
18:12You've got a son?
18:13Yeah.
18:14Where is he?
18:17He...
18:17He's waiting for me.
18:21Lucky boy.
18:23I'm sorry, Mr. Munro.
18:33I've gone too far.
18:37I think I've wounded you.
18:38No.
18:40You haven't.
18:42It's all right.
18:44I just need to use your bathroom.
18:46What?
18:47Yeah.
18:48I've been on the road all day.
18:50I need to go so much I can taste it.
18:55Oh, you're a class act.
18:58Stay in the hall.
18:58I need to go.
19:06I need to go.
19:07I need to go.
19:10I need to go.
19:12Oh, fuck it.
19:19Yeah, whatever.
19:24Oh, you stupid one.
19:28Yeah, you can't get it.
19:31Oh.
19:34And on your fucking magazine.
19:37Go on.
19:44Oh, what a piss.
19:54There's a coupé.
19:57Naughty, naughty.
20:07Can I help?
20:09Yes, please.
20:10I need some eye cream.
20:13Choram...
20:15Chloramphenicol?
20:16Yes.
20:25That's £3.98, then, please.
20:28Can I stay in here for a little bit?
20:39Okay.
20:49You okay?
20:50I think so.
20:52My mum usually does it.
20:55Right, and where's your mum?
21:00She's dead.
21:04I'm sorry.
21:06It's okay.
21:08She must have wanted to die.
21:10That's why it's not so sad.
21:13So...
21:17Who's looking after you?
21:19My dad.
21:21We're on the road.
21:23Shaking the money tree.
21:25That means selling.
21:28And where is he now, your dad?
21:32I don't know.
21:43I don't know.
22:08Bingo.
22:13Right, do you want to buy any of this shit or not?
22:29I detect a note of hostility.
22:32Yeah, well, us dodos get like that sometimes.
22:35What are you going to do about it?
22:36I'm going to ask you to get the fuck out of my house.
22:39I'm leaving.
22:39But just so you know, I just pissed all over your bathroom.
22:43What?
22:45All over the walls, the carpet, your woman's magazine.
22:48You what?
22:48With your fucking toothbrush.
22:51What?
22:53You just...
22:54And you can take this and shove your ass.
23:06Fuck!
23:07What?
23:10Last six little milk tea.
23:13All gone bad.
23:15Won't move on by now.
23:17Won't get on.
23:19Won't move on.
23:21I won't get on.
23:23I'll drive my little flames.
23:26I'll drive you a fucking shit.
23:28I'll drive my little flames.
23:31былаYou raunch.
24:32I almost forgot your face.
24:37Sweetheart, I think you ought to go to your nan's.
24:50Yeah.
24:53She doesn't want me.
24:55She doesn't want to help your dad.
24:58If you asked her.
25:01But me and dad are going to get a farm.
25:04Oh, yeah.
25:06With the crocodiles.
25:10I just think maybe your dad's not brilliant at looking after anyone who isn't your dad.
25:20I guess he's not much good at that either.
25:31Junior!
25:32Well, he didn't hang himself from the curtains, did he?
25:37You all right?
25:52Question.
25:53Who's the coolest fucking dad in the world?
25:58Whoa.
25:59It's amazing.
26:01Wait till we get up to the room, buddy boy.
26:03You're going to love it.
26:04I'm going to show you the weirdest thing in the world.
26:08What?
26:09I'm talking completely wacko jacko.
26:10What?
26:11No, I mean seriously, like off the planet, Janet.
26:14What?
26:15What?
26:16The tiniest fucking soaps you've ever seen in your entire life.
26:18Can I help?
26:19Certainly you can.
26:20Nicest room you've got.
26:21Where did you get that?
26:22Where did I get it?
26:23Buddy boy.
26:24You are aware you're talking to the primo, creme de la creme, number one salesman in the
26:25hole of Brighton, right?
26:26What?
26:27I'm talking completely wacko jacko.
26:28I'm talking completely wacko jacko.
26:29What?
26:30No, I mean seriously, like off the planet, Janet.
26:31What?
26:32The tiniest fucking soaps you've ever seen in your entire life.
26:34Can I help?
26:35Certainly you can.
26:36Nicest room you've got.
26:37Where did you get that?
26:38Where did I get that?
26:39Buddy boy.
26:40You are aware you're talking to the primo, creme de la creme, number one salesman in the
26:50world of Brighton, right?
26:51Yeah.
26:52Of course.
26:53I could sell a bicycle to a barracuda.
26:55Our Elizabeth room, sir.
26:57Elizabeth?
26:58I could sell two bicycles to a barracuda.
27:04I'm telling you.
27:05Mate, I could sell the whole bloody bike shed.
27:09Come on you bald prick, give me some good news.
27:15We've had a complaint.
27:17Woman called and said she had some money missing.
27:20Now, obviously I told her that we at Eternity Enterprises are not in a habit of employing
27:25thieves.
27:26But she's threatening to ring the police bun.
27:29And also, your dad's carer call.
27:33You're right about the soaps dad.
27:35They're so tiny.
27:37Can you teach me?
27:56How to be a salesman like you.
28:00I'm not a very good navigator and I don't like being left on my own.
28:15Okay?
28:16Really?
28:17Teach her everything I know.
28:18What are you doing?
28:19Checking the monetary.
28:20Give me the flipping money!
28:52Uh, go home.
29:02Into bed.
29:22Look at me, bunny.
29:52That's all you had to do, bunny.
30:22Stop looking everywhere else.
30:28We have it all.
30:32I want to do.
30:34So why didn't you take it, you dope?
30:42I don't know.
30:48Yes, you do.
30:52I don't know.
31:03I don't know.
33:35Your mate told you where I live, didn't he?
33:40And what did he say about me?
33:43He said you were a most accommodating customer.
33:48Oh, did he now?
33:51Most obliging, he said.
33:54Generous, even.
33:56Tell me more about the cream.
33:58Well, Pamela.
34:08This rich, hydrating, age-targeting lotion.
34:18Are you all right?
34:29Are you all right?
34:30It's been a hard day.
34:36It's been a hard day.
34:37Do you like pussy, Barney?
34:46I love it.
34:48How much do you love it?
34:51I love it beyond all things.
34:53I love it more than life itself.
34:57Do you love my pussy?
35:01Yeah.
35:02Yeah.
35:03I do.
35:04I love it beyond all reason.
35:08I love it beyond all reason.
35:09I love it beyond all the cows, come out.
35:15Come and get it.
35:24What's your name?
35:25Penny charade.
35:26What's yours?
35:27Bunny.
35:28Bunny.
35:29Bunny.
35:30Bunny.
35:31Bunny Monroe.
35:33I've got a feeling about you.
35:38I think things are gonna get a whole lot worse.
35:43I know.
35:54I know.
35:55I know.
35:56I know.
35:57I know.
35:58I know.
35:59I know.
36:00I know.
36:01I know.
36:02I know.
36:03I know.
36:04I know.
36:05I know.
36:06I know.
36:07I know.
36:08I know.
36:09I know.
36:10I know.
36:11I know.
36:12I know.
36:13I know.
36:14I know.
36:15I know.
36:16I know.
36:17I know.
36:18I know.
36:19I know.
36:20I know.
36:21I know.
36:22I know.
36:23There's a church in his wings
36:25There's a fox and a rabbit
36:27And a nun in her heaven
36:29I'm on fire
36:30Yeah, babe, I'm on fire
36:34Well, my mate Bill Gates
36:39There's a person in the United States
36:41There's a slacker and the worker
36:43And the girl in her burger
36:45I'm on fire
36:46Yeah, babe, I'm on fire
36:50Yeah, the general with his tank says
36:55And the man at the bank says
36:57A soldier with his ruckus
36:58And the mouse in my pocket
37:00I'm on fire
37:01Yeah, babe, I'm on fire
37:06Well, the drug at a wreck
37:10With a needle in his neck
37:12Says a drunk, says a punk, says
37:14And pray for this man
37:16I'm on fire
37:17Will think I'm on fire
37:22All right now
37:24If you have been affected
37:30by any of the issues raised in this programme
37:32help is available online
37:34at sky.com forward slash viewer support
37:37And again, we'll see you next time
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