2010 The Crush Nominated FULL SHORT MOVIE

Retro Movie Time

Eight year old Ardal develops a crush on his nice teacher Miss Purdy and decides that her loutish boyfriend is not good enough for her so he challenges him ...

Transcript

00:00I want you to look for the words

00:08reveal,

00:12pretend,

00:14and love in your readers tonight.

00:17I want you to be able to spell them on Monday.

00:30Oh, so grumpy.

00:48I'll tell you what, if everyone does well in their spellings,

00:52we might have a DVD next week.

00:53Yes!

01:00Are you okay, Ardle?

01:30Oh, Ardle, that's lovely.

01:35I used a week's pocket money.

01:36Oh, wow, that's far too much. You didn't have to.

01:38I did. It's important that you know how I feel about you.

01:43Well, this is very special, and I'll treasure it always.

01:49Does this mean we're engaged?

01:51Uh, well, I hadn't thought about it.

01:55If you want to, I suppose.

02:00Well, that's very sweet,

02:02and I'll certainly give it some thought.

02:04You have a good weekend, okay?

02:06Yes, Miss, I definitely will.

02:07So, how was everyone's day?

02:25Your horse.

02:27Screaming at some kid with a crossbow?

02:29No.

02:29Yeah.

02:30We shot his office head and glue and trying to rob a newsagents.

02:34Had to go ahead to shoot and everything.

02:35Oh, cool. Did you waste him?

02:38Eh, it's not cool, Ardle.

02:40No more cowboy films.

02:42No. He backed on in the end, thank God.

02:44Otherwise, I'd be sitting here with an arrow to me head.

02:49Where are these kids' parents?

02:53Mum, what age kind of person get married at?

02:56Um, I think it's 16.

02:58Why?

02:59Have you got some news for us?

03:00No, well, not yet.

03:04I'll keep you posted.

03:05I'll keep you posted.

03:35Come on, Ardle.

03:46You're dawdling.

03:53Hello, Ardle.

03:54Bought anything nice?

03:58Boots.

03:59Oh, lovely. They make you look very smart.

04:01They're cably, they're...

04:02Wow, very cool.

04:04I got something special myself.

04:06Hello, Miss Purdy.

04:08Oh, my goodness.

04:09Someone's a lucky girl.

04:11That's gorgeous.

04:12Thanks, Mrs Travis.

04:14This is my...

04:14Oh, my fiancé, Pearce.

04:16This is Ardle, one of my second-classers, and his mum.

04:19Congratulations.

04:20Yeah, cheers.

04:21Cattle, we don't hear you yet.

04:22The match is starting in ten minutes.

04:23Well, I thought we'd get a celebratory lunch.

04:26I think you fleeced me enough today as it is.

04:28Come on, I don't want to miss kick-off.

04:29Okay.

04:29Bye, Ardle.

04:30Bye, Mrs Travis.

04:31Bye.

05:01Ardle, Travis, come here, please.

05:24What's up, Ardle?

05:29Is he wearing his ring and not mine?

05:35Oh, it's complicated, Ardle.

05:38Someday you'll...

05:39How is it complicated?

05:41He's no girlfriend, Miss.

05:43I'm sorry, pet.

05:44Go on.

05:45It's all right.

05:46You'll see anyway.

05:48What do you mean?

05:50Nothing.

05:50You'll just see that I'm the one that loves you.

05:53Oh, Ardle, I know you do, and you're very special to me, too.

05:57Sometimes grown-ups, we have to...

05:58Homeless.

05:59Bye.

06:09I would have taken you for lunch.

06:11What?

06:12I would have missed the football and taken you for lunch.

06:15Come on, woman.

06:29Always the friggin' last.

06:30Well, hello there.

06:45What can I do for you?

06:47Don't marry Miss Freddie.

06:49Come again?

06:50I'm telling you, you're not to marry Miss Freddie.

06:53And why's that, then?

06:54Because she's mine.

06:56Oh, well, that is a dilemma.

06:59Don't laugh at me.

07:01Sorry, pal, but, you know, all's fair in love and warm.

07:05See, uh, she told me you were just too short.

07:08She never said that.

07:09Yeah.

07:10And that you weren't financially stable enough to cater for her needs.

07:13She's a high-maintenance lady, you know.

07:15I don't know what that means.

07:18Ha.

07:18You will, mate.

07:19You will.

07:20You talk, stupid.

07:23Well, now, don't be good now.

07:24Meet me in a duel.

07:26A what?

07:27A duel.

07:27Just you and me.

07:29We're in the handball court.

07:31Tomorrow.

07:31After school.

07:32Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

07:34To the death.

07:36Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

07:38Okay, so, uh, what are we fighting with?

07:42Swords, pistols, conquerors?

07:44Pistols.

07:46By Jove, it's a date, sir.

07:49See you there.

07:52And may the best man or boy win.

08:01What tickles you?

08:03Oh, you gotta hear this.

08:08Come on.

08:29Come on.

08:38Oh, wait.

08:41You gotta see this.

08:42What?

08:43I have an appointment with death, remember?

08:46Oh, Lee, but don't be mean to him.

08:47Come on.

08:48I just want to see.

08:49You can stay here if you like.

09:08I was beginning to think you wouldn't show.

09:28Where's your gun?

09:29Ah, I think I've forgotten it.

09:36Silly me, huh?

09:38That's not my problem.

09:42Suppose not.

09:44So then, where's your gun?

09:55That's not real.

09:56Yes, it is.

10:04What's going?

10:05Ardell, what are you doing?

10:08That's not...

10:11Now, don't point.

10:16It's not real.

10:17It's a toy, isn't it, son?

10:17It's not a toy.

10:21Ardell, put that down now.

10:22And where would you get a reel?

10:26My dad's a guarder.

10:33Hang on.

10:33Guards aren't armed.

10:34The emergency response unit are.

10:41You couldn't have told me about this.

10:44Jesus.

10:45Now, be careful, wee man.

10:47Just...

10:48Don't marry a teacher.

10:49Just put that thing down, and we can talk about it.

10:51Say you won't marry Miss Pardy.

10:53You don't deserve her.

10:55Why?

10:57You don't even know me.

10:58I know you're not good enough for her.

11:00Why?

11:01Because you're a dickhead.

11:02Ardell Travis.

11:03Sorry, miss.

11:10Are you just going to stand there and watch one of your second classes blow my head off?

11:14He won't.

11:15Have you not seen City Head God?

11:16Get a fucking cop or something.

11:18Stay there, miss.

11:26Ardell, please, put it down.

11:29I'm going to have to put it on your report.

11:32What will your mum and dad say?

11:33I told you I'd show you, miss.

11:37Now, listen to your teacher, son.

11:39Tell her.

11:39You won't marry her.

11:41I'm not going to tell her that.

11:43Tar!

11:44Oh, fuck.

11:46Just...

11:47Just hold on there.

11:49Don't...

11:50Okay, okay, you can have her!

11:52I never wanted to marry her anyway.

11:54Excuse me?

11:55She moaned constantly about it.

11:56She did my head in.

11:58I thought putting a ring and a finger would shut her up for a while.

12:00I don't want to be married.

12:05Please.

12:06Please.

12:07Ardell.

12:08Ardell.

12:08Please don't shoot me.

12:11Please.

12:13Get someone, you stupid bitch!

12:30See you, miss.

12:58You dickhead.

13:00You little bastard!

13:05Come anywhere near him and I'll tell everyone that you're a kitty fiddler.

13:10Come on, Ardell.

13:21Will this go on my report, miss?

13:24Maybe we'll keep this between ourselves.

13:27But maybe you should give me that for safekeeping.

13:29Oh, God, it's very realistic.

13:32Where did you get it?

13:33My dad is hiding it in his wardrobe for my birthday.

13:37Nice, isn't it?

13:39Well, it's certainly very pretty.

13:41I'll just pop it in here for safekeeping.

13:46Oh.

13:48What's this?

13:49It's all right, miss.

13:50I've decided not to marry you after all.

13:52Oh, why's that?

13:53I'm not financially stable enough to cater for all your needs.

13:59And someone as nice as you should have everything she wants.

14:07Someday some girl's going to be very lucky.

14:10Nah, girls are stupid.

14:12Well, we certainly can be.

14:14Come on, Romeo, I'll get you home.

14:16Love goes down the drain differently

14:25At the other side of the world to me

14:31I'll still wait there, that's what I'll do

14:35And keep a spare seat for you

14:39I'll still wait there, that's what I'll do

14:45And keep a spare seat for you

14:49I follow in vain around

14:57Your crumbling beauty

15:01Has the bridge been burned

15:06That draws the way home for me

15:10My horse of joy turned out

15:19Where love lies

15:22I'll still wait there, that's what I'll do

15:29And keep a spare seat for you

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