- 4 hours ago
Plot. Auggie Hamilton (Clark Brandon) is always looking for ways to earn a quick buck. When he learns that his friend Samantha Brooks (Tracy Griffith) is going to sell her garage to fast food king Wrangler Bob Bundy (Jim Varney) he comes up with one more scheme, to turn the garage into a burger joint.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Get off your butt!
00:00:26Get your breakfast out of the camera.
00:00:28Hurry back!
00:00:29You're on my mind.
00:00:32Just you and nobody else.
00:00:39Girl, you're my obsession.
00:00:41Don't know how much I can take.
00:00:44I'm addicted to perfection.
00:00:46You're a habit I can't break.
00:00:49The next time I see you,
00:00:51there's something I've got to say.
00:00:54Yeah, girl, I want your body.
00:00:59I want your body.
00:01:02Girl, I want your body.
00:01:04I know I need a girl like you.
00:01:08I want your body.
00:01:09I want your body.
00:01:16What's up, everybody?
00:01:18What's up, Galapagia?
00:01:20We don't wait till my baby come.
00:01:29We don't wait till my baby come.
00:01:32We will sail on the moon.
00:01:35We will hide from the stars.
00:01:38You and me.
00:01:38We will take our sleep time.
00:01:44We will take it too hard.
00:01:46That's what they mean by stupid.
00:01:48Woo!
00:01:49Well, those Friday nights,
00:01:52we're gonna make it up, shake it up,
00:01:54make it up, bring it.
00:01:55It takes all night.
00:01:56All night, all night.
00:01:58Oh, the weekend comes.
00:02:00We will burn it up, burn it up,
00:02:03turn it up, burn it.
00:02:04It takes all night.
00:02:05We'll work so tight.
00:02:06This life's all right, all right.
00:02:08I'm here.
00:02:12By me.
00:02:16Monday morning comes on.
00:02:18Big boss man is still there.
00:02:21You and me.
00:02:25I want to live in my mind.
00:02:27I want to live for you here.
00:02:30These are going to live for a station.
00:02:34We will start out of their lives.
00:02:36We don't give it up, live it up, give it up.
00:02:38This better be good.
00:02:40What do you think you're doing?
00:02:43Big friends.
00:02:44I'm going to have a good time.
00:02:46I'll tell you.
00:02:46You're supposed to be in the casino.
00:02:48Now, who's watching everybody?
00:02:49Who is it?
00:02:50Okay, so go back in, all right.
00:02:51I'm here.
00:02:53I'm here.
00:02:56Okay, guys.
00:02:58That's two Calpetti mills.
00:02:59A large buffalo chips, brown cookies, and a dust bowl shake.
00:03:03$8.57.
00:03:05You know, Artemis, I'm going to be against a lot of selling this kind of crap.
00:03:08We don't wait till my baby join.
00:03:13We don't wait till my baby come.
00:03:17We don't wait till my baby come.
00:03:22We don't wait till my baby come.
00:03:26The monitors, everyone.
00:03:27Couples only.
00:03:28This one is the flowlands.
00:03:31Okay.
00:03:31Mark, I'm back.
00:03:50Hey, hey, hey, Drew.
00:03:51I need to talk to you about that loan.
00:03:53I told you, man.
00:03:55Kappa Kappa is a charitable organization.
00:03:57If I give a loan after every pledge
00:03:59who loses his allowance at the crap table,
00:04:01I'll never survive.
00:04:03I'm on scholarship.
00:04:04I don't get an allowance.
00:04:09All I need is 20 bucks.
00:04:12Sonny takes advice from me, buddy.
00:04:15Next time you get some money in your pocket,
00:04:16call a girl, go to a movie, go out to dinner.
00:04:19We don't come back to the dungeon.
00:04:26Yo, Sonny.
00:04:27I hear 18's running hot on the roulette wheel tonight.
00:04:33Oh, thanks.
00:04:35Come on, baby.
00:04:37It looks like you guys are gonna make even more money
00:04:39than your last casino party.
00:04:40Come on.
00:04:45That's because Augie fixed all the games this time.
00:04:48So this is your room?
00:04:55Well, be it ever so humble,
00:04:57there is no place like home.
00:05:03Can I get your beer?
00:05:05Sure, Augie.
00:05:08You from around here?
00:05:10Yeah.
00:05:11How do you like Hopkins?
00:05:14Um, it's okay.
00:05:19So are you into marine biology?
00:05:21Well, uh, I know how to swim.
00:05:26What's your major?
00:05:28This year it's plant psychology.
00:05:30I'm thinking I'm switching again.
00:05:31You're, uh, a freshman, right?
00:05:38Yeah.
00:05:40Now listen,
00:05:41you need to buy your term papers,
00:05:42buy them from me.
00:05:43I get the best deals in town.
00:05:46Here you go.
00:05:49Here's to swimming with bold-legged women.
00:05:52Cheers.
00:05:52Cheers.
00:05:56Oh, what kind of beer is this?
00:05:58It's important.
00:05:59Oh.
00:06:01Sir, I'm extremely sorry
00:06:22to have to pull you out of bed this late.
00:06:24But as chapter president
00:06:25of the Kappa Kappa Paternity,
00:06:27I felt it was my duty to report
00:06:28to see what's going on in my house.
00:06:30They're gambling in there, sir.
00:06:31I'm sure of it.
00:06:32I'll get to the bottom, please.
00:06:34Come on.
00:06:46Who are they?
00:06:48They're some old friends.
00:06:52That's my sister.
00:06:54That's a picture of my sister, Connie.
00:06:56You're Connie Woodard's sister?
00:07:02Wow.
00:07:03How old is old Connie anyway?
00:07:05Married.
00:07:06Five years.
00:07:06She has three kids.
00:07:08Hmm.
00:07:09Really?
00:07:10You're Augie Hamilton.
00:07:21What are you doing?
00:07:23Hey, what's going on?
00:07:25What are you doing?
00:07:26Wait, where are you going?
00:07:27If there was one thing my sister warned me about,
00:07:30it was Augustus Hamilton.
00:07:32Lies.
00:07:32All lies.
00:07:33It's not true.
00:07:34Lies.
00:07:35I've changed.
00:07:37Wait, you forgot your panties.
00:07:39Oh.
00:07:39Hi, Daddy.
00:07:40Oh.
00:07:42Young lady, you go home this instant.
00:07:45Dean, this is all...
00:07:46And you.
00:07:47Wait, it was initiation.
00:07:49I was...
00:07:50Yeah, that's work.
00:07:53Open the door at once, you little twit.
00:07:56Hey, guys, it's a rain.
00:07:57It's a Dean.
00:07:58For the last time, this is the Dean.
00:08:05Dean, you.
00:08:07Open this door.
00:08:09Come on, Joey.
00:08:10Open up, man.
00:08:15Break it down.
00:08:21Everybody freeze.
00:08:23Uh, welcome to Monte Carlo night, Dean.
00:08:25As you can see, the fine young men of Kappa Kappa
00:08:28have done quite a job turning this place into a casino.
00:08:31Having a little fun.
00:08:32Raising a little money.
00:08:33All for charity, of course.
00:08:34I have had it with you two.
00:08:37I want both of you in my office tomorrow morning
00:08:39at 9 a.m. sharp.
00:08:44Now close this place down.
00:08:48And stay away from my daughter.
00:08:54God.
00:08:55It's 964, 65, 66, and 38 cents.
00:09:10It's not too bad for a night's work.
00:09:11It would have been better if the Dean hadn't shut us down.
00:09:14Of course, you didn't help anything.
00:09:15You tried to hose his daughter.
00:09:18Augie, you're not listening to me.
00:09:19What do you want me to do?
00:09:20Check IDs?
00:09:22What are we going to do now?
00:09:23I don't know.
00:09:25I guess I'll think of something.
00:09:27But right now, I got more important business.
00:09:33Are you done here all night?
00:09:36Where are we going?
00:09:38Let's just say to witness a major medical miracle, huh?
00:09:40You think these girls are old enough, Augie?
00:09:42Well, they certainly look it, but maybe we better check their IDs at the door.
00:09:46Oh, come on.
00:09:47Now, don't worry.
00:09:47There's oxygen if you feel faint.
00:09:49Calvin, enter that last figure again, please.
00:09:51Yes, Dr. Duran.
00:09:54Still no change.
00:09:56This is amazing.
00:09:57Calvin, we want to...
00:09:58Oh, Dr. Duran, how's the world of medical research going, huh?
00:10:01Shh, shh, shh.
00:10:01Are those the guys?
00:10:02Shh, quiet.
00:10:03Don't you see these patients are sleeping?
00:10:05You're all going to have to get out of here.
00:10:06Oh.
00:10:06But I want to see first.
00:10:08You promise?
00:10:09Hey, it's not often these girls get to see a room full of, uh, tall timber.
00:10:13These men are suffering from a very serious abnormality called priapism.
00:10:17Pri-a-what?
00:10:18Priapism is the state of constant, uh, erection.
00:10:21There must be thousands of young men who suffer from this condition.
00:10:24Funny, I never met one.
00:10:26Oh, Dr. Duran is very close to isolating the enzyme, which causes the problem.
00:10:29That's right, Cheryl.
00:10:30Someday soon it'll be safe for these young men to wear tight jeans again.
00:10:34What is she doing in there?
00:10:35Oh, wow.
00:10:41This is better than Chippendales.
00:10:44Out!
00:10:45I want you people out of here!
00:10:47Let's go, girls!
00:10:59I have never seen anything like it.
00:11:03I mean, it just stood there and looked at me.
00:11:06I mean, just think, it stays like that forever.
00:11:11Well, uh, what do you girls want to do now?
00:11:14Well, uh, we could go back to your place.
00:11:19Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:11:21It works every time.
00:11:27My, my, my.
00:11:30My, my, my.
00:11:33You boys have built up quite a record here at Hopkins.
00:11:37Mr. Hamilton?
00:11:39Mr. Hamilton?
00:11:44You've been here eight years.
00:11:48Mr. Taylor.
00:11:51Mr. Taylor.
00:11:53You've been here longer than I have.
00:11:55Where, where should I begin?
00:11:58Scalping football tickets?
00:12:01Fixing the university's beauty pageant?
00:12:04Hmm.
00:12:05Barbecuing the Alpha Phi's mascot goat?
00:12:09The list goes on for pages here.
00:12:11Ah, here's one of my favorites.
00:12:14The freshman survival kit.
00:12:17Hey, but that was a good idea.
00:12:18For $50, you sold them a case of beer and a party pack of condoms.
00:12:25It's all in the packaging, sir.
00:12:26Oh, and who could forget the drill team video.
00:12:30Oh, now, hold on.
00:12:31What's wrong with that?
00:12:33You could have at least asked their permission before setting up a hidden camera in their dressing room.
00:12:38You see, we wanted to get them natural.
00:12:39No posing.
00:12:40Right.
00:12:42Let's face it, gentlemen.
00:12:44You're losers.
00:12:45Just a couple of small-time con men.
00:12:50I've given you every opportunity, but you let me down.
00:12:55But more importantly, you let yourselves down.
00:13:01I'm afraid there is no longer any place for you here at this university.
00:13:06So as of today, consider yourselves graduated.
00:13:12Graduated?
00:13:12My God, forgive me for setting you two clowns loose on society.
00:13:22Unbelievable, man.
00:13:24Now I've got to pay back that student loan.
00:13:27Graduation.
00:13:28You hear about it, but you never think it's going to happen to you.
00:13:31Hey, we've got to figure out what to do.
00:13:33Do?
00:13:34Augie, we've been in college eight years.
00:13:37We're not qualified to do anything.
00:13:39Hold on a minute.
00:13:40We started in hundreds of businesses.
00:13:42We've made lots of money these last eight years, haven't we?
00:13:45Yeah.
00:13:45Well, all we've got to do is apply what we learn in college to the real world.
00:13:50You mean run a scam?
00:13:52Yeah.
00:13:52But in the real world, they call that a job.
00:13:55Oh, man.
00:13:57What?
00:13:58I told Sam I'd come over and help her at the station today.
00:14:01Forgot.
00:14:02Got to go.
00:14:03Wait up.
00:14:04Speak to me.
00:14:08Mr. McCormick is here to see you.
00:14:10Well, send him on in.
00:14:11And corral all my calls, honey.
00:14:13I don't want any interruptions.
00:14:16Come on in, E.G.
00:14:18Sit down.
00:14:19Got a job for you.
00:14:20E.G.
00:14:25Right here is Hopkins College, full of young, hungry students who love to eat fast food.
00:14:32And over here, more than 20 blocks away, is Wrangler Bob's number 194.
00:14:37And in between, you've got your pizza joints, your taco joints, and your roast beef joints.
00:14:44Now, as they drive from point A, the college, to point B, us, their young and impressionable
00:14:52minds are likely to stray.
00:14:54Now, right here is a little pissant filling station right next to the college.
00:15:00It's perfectly clear to me.
00:15:07Do you understand what I'm saying?
00:15:09Uh, let me see if I got this straight.
00:15:11There's this filling station next to the college.
00:15:15I want that piece of property, E.G., and I don't care what we have to do to get it.
00:15:20Have a nice day.
00:15:22Proper, proper, proper, proper.
00:15:24Come on, lighten up.
00:15:25We're just leaving school, not the planet.
00:15:26Yeah, but to live on this planet, unfortunately, you have to have a job.
00:15:30Oh, a job?
00:15:31You mean like working at Sam's filling station?
00:15:33You call that a job?
00:15:34That's not my job.
00:15:35Come on, your cousin pays you nothing, and you do all the work.
00:15:38Hey, don't start on Sam again.
00:15:40Since her father died, she needs my help.
00:15:42I'm just helping her out, okay?
00:15:48Man, I'm gonna miss this place.
00:15:50Evidential by law.
00:15:51Hey, bud, what's happening, man?
00:16:17Didn't Sam tell you?
00:16:18She's selling the place.
00:16:26Samantha.
00:16:27You're late.
00:16:28Bud says you're thinking about selling the station.
00:16:30Yeah, well, I'm thinking about it.
00:16:32Why?
00:16:34What is he doing here?
00:16:35Didn't you know I was his friend just to get to you?
00:16:38Yeah, well, it's working.
00:16:40You really get to me.
00:16:42Can I help you?
00:16:43Yes, fill it up, please.
00:16:46So, uh, mind if I look under your hood?
00:16:49Uh, no, I'm fine.
00:16:54Look, Sam, I know you've had a tough time lately, but you just can't sell the place.
00:17:01Don't you have somewhere else to be, like, in custody?
00:17:05Yeah, I'm only trying to help.
00:17:06Well, Uncle Joe loves this whole place.
00:17:10It's a landmark, probably listed in the historical register or something.
00:17:14Drew, you don't understand.
00:17:16I can't handle it anymore.
00:17:18I've got nothing but bills.
00:17:20The insurance is due.
00:17:21The bank is on my back.
00:17:22I don't even have enough money to put gas in the tanks.
00:17:27Samantha.
00:17:29We've had close calls before.
00:17:32You can make this work.
00:17:33We can help.
00:17:34Drew, do you think I want to run a gas station the rest of my life?
00:17:40Well, you, I'd sell.
00:17:41Maybe buy a dress or something.
00:17:42Get a little makeup.
00:17:45Now, Drew, listen.
00:17:46He's made me a pretty good offer.
00:17:49Who made you an offer?
00:17:50Wrangler Bob.
00:17:51Howdy, friends and neighbors.
00:17:54This is your buddy, Wrangler Bob.
00:17:56And you know, there's nothing better than gathering family and friends together around the old backyard grill and sizzling up some meat.
00:18:05And I know when you think about fast food, you think about something that would choke a possum.
00:18:09Well, not so at Wrangler Bob's.
00:18:12Each one of our Texas-style burgers is charbroiled over an open flame just for you.
00:18:18So, come on over to our house.
00:18:22I have 750 of them.
00:18:24Bring the youngins.
00:18:25I love kids.
00:18:27And cut!
00:18:28Okay, reset.
00:18:30Rock.
00:18:30Which one of you rocket scientists thought about bringing that dog in here?
00:18:34Well, that's great.
00:18:35I want to do just one more.
00:18:37Well, if it's great, why do we have to do one more?
00:18:40That was just the first take.
00:18:41Listen, we have to do another take.
00:18:44It's going to be you I'm grabbing.
00:18:47I think I have all I need.
00:18:49Thank you, Mr. Bundy.
00:18:50E.G.
00:18:52That's a wrap.
00:18:54There's a slight problem with that property.
00:19:00The young woman needs time to think.
00:19:05Time is money, E.G.
00:19:08I am Wrangler Bob Bundy for crying out loud.
00:19:13I serve 90 tons of beef, 180,000 pounds of french fries, 50,000 gallons of chili, and a truckload of mom's hard apple pie to America 365 days a year.
00:19:26Why can't I get what I want?
00:19:28I have always gotten what I wanted.
00:19:30Even as a child, my parents were afraid to deny me anything.
00:19:34That was shortly after my brother mysteriously disappeared.
00:19:38But, but, boss, uh...
00:19:40E.G., how difficult can this be?
00:19:43You're being pushed around by a 16-year-old girl.
00:19:46She's 25.
00:19:47You were a fullback for Dallas.
00:19:50Oh, I was drafted in an off year.
00:19:53I didn't play that much.
00:19:54I sat on the bench.
00:19:56E.G., do you have any idea how much a Wrangler Bob's restaurant could make in that location?
00:20:02I don't care of the one.
00:20:03A lot.
00:20:03Now I want you to get over there and corral that filly, even if it means offering her more money.
00:20:14Maybe Wrangler Bob is right.
00:20:16Maybe this would be a good location for a restaurant.
00:20:18I don't think she should sell.
00:20:20Maybe we could do it.
00:20:21Do what?
00:20:23Oh, for the restaurant.
00:20:24Augie, are you on drugs?
00:20:26No, no, no.
00:20:27Look, if Wrangler Bob thinks it's a good place for a restaurant, well, maybe he's on to something.
00:20:30I mean, those big companies do lots of marketing, research.
00:20:33That's a good point.
00:20:34Forget it.
00:20:34I'm not listening to another one of your get-rich-quick scams.
00:20:38Come on, Sam.
00:20:40Yeah, well, you remember the sorority car wash?
00:20:42Come on, that was a great idea.
00:20:44Oh, well, you didn't tell me they'd be washing cars in the nude.
00:20:47I mean, I almost got locked up.
00:20:48Yeah, but this is different.
00:20:50This is a legitimate business.
00:20:51We can make a fortune.
00:20:52Make a fortune?
00:20:53It's all I can do to keep this place afloat.
00:20:56And you're talking about opening a restaurant.
00:20:58I mean, do you have any idea how much money that would take?
00:21:01Money?
00:21:02Is that all you're worried about?
00:21:05Augie, wake up and smell the coffee.
00:21:09She likes the idea.
00:21:17Calvin?
00:21:18Dr. Durant, what happened?
00:21:19I was working on the priapism formula.
00:21:21There was an explosion.
00:21:22I...
00:21:22Oh, I feel...
00:21:23Here, you better sit down.
00:21:26Are you all right?
00:21:27I feel strange.
00:21:28Oh, my.
00:21:29I better call an ambulance.
00:21:30Yes.
00:21:32Hello?
00:21:33Hello?
00:21:34Uh, uh, we need an ambulance over at Hopkins University immediately.
00:21:37It's an emergency.
00:21:38No, no, no.
00:21:38That's Hopkins with an H.
00:21:40Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:21:40Don't put me on hold.
00:21:41Oh, perfect.
00:21:43Don't worry.
00:21:43I'm sure you'll...
00:21:44I'm sure you'll just be...
00:21:44I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm dressing.
00:21:47Oh, my.
00:21:48I don't need an ambulance, Calvin.
00:21:50I need you.
00:21:51Oh, oh, my.
00:21:52Dr. Durant.
00:21:53But this was not my job description.
00:21:55It is now.
00:21:57Oh, oh, oh, my.
00:21:58Uh, uh, I hope I get credit for this.
00:22:01Eek.
00:22:02Okay, I can come and see you.
00:22:03Come on.
00:22:05Hey, Calvin.
00:22:08Calvin.
00:22:11Must be here.
00:22:11Everything's gone.
00:22:20Augie, look at this, man.
00:22:22Calvin's on TV.
00:22:25Calvin?
00:22:26Calvin?
00:22:28I don't know what channel that is.
00:22:30Calvin?
00:22:30What are you doing?
00:22:32Just hold still.
00:22:33Come on.
00:22:38That's great, man.
00:22:39How do you do that?
00:22:41What happened, Calvin?
00:22:43Oh, man.
00:22:44It was amazing, guys.
00:22:45Dr. Durant was working on the priapism formula.
00:22:48She must have accidentally inhaled the fumes.
00:22:50Next thing I know, she's ripping off her clothes.
00:22:52And mine.
00:22:54Guys, I've never been with a woman so turned on.
00:22:57Calvin, you've never been with a woman.
00:22:59Oh, yeah.
00:22:59Right.
00:23:00Come on.
00:23:01We need to use your computer.
00:23:03Wow.
00:23:04I need you to pull alumni records.
00:23:08No problem.
00:23:09I'll just tap into the databank.
00:23:13Anything particular?
00:23:14How about kappa-kappas and banking?
00:23:16No problem.
00:23:22Okay.
00:23:23Scanning the alumni records?
00:23:24No.
00:23:26No.
00:23:26No.
00:23:26Wait, here's one.
00:23:31Here's our man, loan officer at Federal Bank.
00:23:34What's all this about?
00:23:35I'll explain later.
00:23:36Let's go.
00:23:41Augie, you can't just put on a suit and tie and think.
00:23:45You can walk into a bank and they'll hand you money.
00:23:47That ain't the way it works.
00:23:47Don't worry.
00:23:48I got it handled.
00:23:49I'm a money guy.
00:23:50We can talk the same language.
00:23:53A man can get anything he wants as long as he knows how to ask.
00:23:57A loan?
00:24:00Totally out of the question.
00:24:01This is a bank, isn't it?
00:24:03We may be a bank, but we certainly don't make loans to the unemployed.
00:24:08You must have standing in the community, net worth, a J-O-B job.
00:24:15So what you're saying is if I don't need the money, you'll be happy to give me a loan?
00:24:18Exactly.
00:24:19But you haven't heard the entire proposal yet.
00:24:21I don't need to.
00:24:22You have no job, no credit, no money.
00:24:25But if I get the loan, then I'll have a job.
00:24:27I am sorry.
00:24:29Good day.
00:24:32You're right.
00:24:33A Kappa Kappa never relies on anyone for help.
00:24:35He blazes his own trail.
00:24:37Kappa Kappa.
00:24:39You're kidding.
00:24:40I'm a Kappa.
00:24:41No.
00:24:42Well, in that case, have a seat.
00:24:45I am always eager to help out a fraternity brother.
00:24:48You realize, of course, the bank will need some sort of collateral for a loan of this size.
00:24:54Collateral?
00:24:56Tangibles.
00:24:57Stocks.
00:24:58Bonds.
00:24:58What about this service station?
00:25:00Do you own this property?
00:25:02No, but I represent the owner.
00:25:05Naturally, we will need the owner's signature.
00:25:08That's no problem.
00:25:10You know, these two.
00:25:29Hey, hey, now, hold on.
00:25:42Come on.
00:25:42It was just an accident.
00:25:43It's all right.
00:25:43You don't need this.
00:25:44Stop it.
00:25:45Hey, why don't you just high-tailed out of here, cowboy, huh?
00:25:47Mr. McCormick, you better go.
00:25:49I'll sign these and bring them to you later.
00:25:51All right.
00:25:51Well, just please be sure you do.
00:25:52I got to have these back today.
00:25:54Now, Wrangler Bob's a patient man, but he won't wait forever.
00:25:56Come on, guy.
00:26:00You mean after all my hard work, you were just going to take the money and run?
00:26:03This is none of your business, Augie, so stay out of my face.
00:26:06This is great, Sam.
00:26:07Hey, wait a second.
00:26:08We got to talk.
00:26:09Hold on.
00:26:11You guys, please leave me alone.
00:26:14Sam, would you just listen a minute?
00:26:17Feast your eyes on this.
00:26:19Now you don't have to sell.
00:26:21Yeah, but where did you manage to steal that much money?
00:26:23Come on.
00:26:24I robbed a filling station.
00:26:25Look, we have been through all this before.
00:26:27Now it is time for me to live my own life.
00:26:30Now I'm sorry if this doesn't fit in with your plans, but I have made my decision.
00:26:34You're just being stubborn, just like you have always been.
00:26:37No, I am being realistic, like you have never been.
00:26:41You know why your father never sold this place?
00:26:43I mean, look around.
00:26:44You may see a run-down filling station, but he saw a dream.
00:26:47His own business.
00:26:49You can't sell a dream, Sam.
00:26:51That's just it, Drew.
00:26:54This isn't my dream.
00:27:03Is this fixed yet, bud?
00:27:05Just a little dirt and a fuel line.
00:27:07Oh, thanks.
00:27:08I'm going to the city.
00:27:09I'll be back in a little while.
00:27:10You okay, Sammy?
00:27:12Yeah, I guess so.
00:27:13I mean, I don't know.
00:27:15I'm just tired, bud.
00:27:16I'm tired of everybody telling me what to do.
00:27:19Well, nobody could ever tell you what to do, even when you're a little girl in pigtails.
00:27:25I just feel like I'm letting Pop down.
00:27:29I don't want to fail.
00:27:31Well, I think Pop would want you to give it your best shot.
00:27:34Don't worry, Sammy.
00:27:36You'll do the right thing.
00:27:37Thanks, bud.
00:27:38Thanks, bud.
00:27:38Thanks, bud.
00:27:44Roll camera.
00:27:56Mark it.
00:27:57Marker.
00:28:01And action.
00:28:03Howdy, friends and neighbors.
00:28:04This is your buddy, Wrangler Bob.
00:28:07How's that chili, partners?
00:28:09Chili pretty good, Wrangler Bob.
00:28:10Cut, cut, for God's sake.
00:28:12Give me five minutes.
00:28:13Five minutes.
00:28:14Take five.
00:28:19This better be important, E.G.
00:28:21I got 12 more of these to do today.
00:28:23It's the contract, boss.
00:28:24Boss, I'll have it signed and on your desk this afternoon.
00:28:27Now you're cooking with gas, E.G.
00:28:30You know I offered that old man good money for that property, but he wouldn't sell.
00:28:33The old coot didn't know diarrhea from a chocolate shake.
00:28:37Now the groundhogs are bringing his mail.
00:28:39And that little filly's going to sell us that property for pocket change.
00:28:43Just goes to show you, E.G., there's nothing money won't buy.
00:28:46That's what I like about America.
00:28:48Mr. Bundy.
00:28:49Not now, sweetheart.
00:28:51No autographs.
00:28:53We're talking business.
00:28:54I know, boss.
00:28:55This is Samantha Davis.
00:28:56The owner of the...
00:28:58You know the little filly?
00:28:59The old coot's daughter?
00:29:01I'd like to thank you.
00:29:02Well, thank me.
00:29:04Yes, thank you for helping me make up my mind.
00:29:07I almost did a really stupid thing.
00:29:10But now I know why Pop would never sell to people like you.
00:29:15And another thing, Mr. Bundy, you're wrong.
00:29:17There are some things that money can't buy.
00:29:20Like dreams.
00:29:21I'll just sit there.
00:29:48We're going to open a restaurant.
00:29:49We have a lot of work to do.
00:29:50Sam, what are you talking about?
00:29:52Read my lips.
00:29:54We're going to take the check and kick Wrangler Bob's scrawny little butt.
00:29:59All right, dude.
00:30:04You guys are disgusting.
00:30:06The food here is.
00:30:07Me, I like it except when the sauce drips on my shirt.
00:30:10Hey, you know, that's a good idea.
00:30:12We could use the secret sauce.
00:30:13Maybe Calvin can help us on it.
00:30:15I'll give him a call.
00:30:16Why are we doing this?
00:30:18Research.
00:30:18Look, the food here stinks.
00:30:21But his restaurants are hugely successful.
00:30:24And why?
00:30:25Because Wrangler Bob has a theme.
00:30:28Let's get his name.
00:30:29Exactly.
00:30:30Any ideas?
00:30:31What about a service station?
00:30:35What about a service station?
00:30:47Ice Coat!
00:30:48Fire here!
00:30:49What is going on here?
00:30:50I've been gone an hour and this place is out of control.
00:30:53Ask some friends over to help with the renovation.
00:30:55Help?
00:30:55Who's helping?
00:30:56This is a party.
00:30:57A party?
00:30:58Look, you get kicked out of college and you think you found a new place to entertain your friends.
00:31:03Relax, Sam.
00:31:03Haven't you ever heard of Tom Sawyer and the Whitewashed Benz?
00:31:05I see reflections of the world we knew.
00:31:10Oh, you're not the way my heart's still beat for you.
00:31:16I know I've got to find a way
00:31:20To make it through another city day
00:31:25I keep my head up to the sky
00:31:28Cause soon I'll be lying by your side
00:31:33Love can make it if we try
00:31:38I feel your spirit when I sleep at night
00:31:48And I know the dreams I'm dreaming through so right
00:31:52I see the changes that you're going through
00:31:58But my world seems so lonely without you
00:32:01I know I know I've got to find a way
00:32:07To make it through another city day
00:32:13I keep my head up to the sky
00:32:16Cause soon I'll be lying by your side
00:32:21Hope you make it if we try
00:32:25I know I have a way
00:32:55Hey, Drew, what do you think about these uniforms?
00:33:05Feels great.
00:33:06What do you think?
00:33:07I just bought these.
00:33:13That's good.
00:33:14That's good.
00:33:15That's perfect.
00:33:15That is not...
00:33:16Can I put this up here?
00:33:17Sam, would you mind for a little work in here, all right?
00:33:19Now, just move that up.
00:33:20Do it, Arnie.
00:33:21What's her problem?
00:33:25Well, you did it, guys.
00:33:39I spent night and day working on Wrangler Bob's sauce.
00:33:42Everything in it is artificial.
00:33:44Nitrates, citrates, diglycerides, guar gum.
00:33:47I don't know how he gets away with selling this stuff.
00:33:50Well, can we duplicate it?
00:33:52Who would want to?
00:33:53I used all my scientific resources and creative imagination and came up with my own special sauce.
00:33:58What's that?
00:34:00Ketchup and mayo.
00:34:01Mix it up with a little chocolate syrup.
00:34:03Have a taste.
00:34:08Not bad.
00:34:09Let's try it on a little USDA inspecting, huh?
00:34:11We're trying our first burger with Calvin's sauce on it.
00:34:21Want to join us?
00:34:23Hey.
00:34:24What's wrong, partner?
00:34:26Partner.
00:34:27Partner.
00:34:28Augie, partners work together.
00:34:30I mean, they share their decisions.
00:34:32They share their responsibilities.
00:34:33I haven't felt a part of this place since you and Drew just took over.
00:34:37It's kind of like when we dated.
00:34:39You have no respect for me.
00:34:40They did?
00:34:42Come on, Sam.
00:34:43We only went out one time.
00:34:44I know that.
00:34:44I know that.
00:34:45It was a total disaster.
00:34:47Look, Augie.
00:34:48Let's just face it.
00:34:49You and I just don't get along.
00:34:52You know, Sam.
00:34:53We've all worked damn hard trying to put this place together.
00:34:56But I'm tired of your attitude.
00:34:57You know, you're on your own.
00:34:59But don't worry about me.
00:35:00Because I'm a survivor.
00:35:01There's a lot of things out in the real world Augie Hamilton can do.
00:35:04Yeah, well, anyways, no matter how much hard work or time I've invested, I'm out of here.
00:35:10So go.
00:35:11I'm going.
00:35:12Fine.
00:35:12And don't try and stop me.
00:35:13Who's stopping you?
00:35:15I'm opening my door.
00:35:16The next sound you'll hear is me starting my engine.
00:35:18I'm history.
00:35:20I'm out of here.
00:35:22A memory.
00:35:22Are you calling me?
00:35:44I swore I thought I heard you calling me out there.
00:35:47I mean, it might have been the wind, but maybe you were calling me.
00:35:48Augie, let's have some burgers.
00:35:52Here's our first batch of burgers with Calvin's sauce on it.
00:35:57Dig in.
00:35:58No, no, I'm too nervous.
00:36:01It's pretty good.
00:36:02Right.
00:36:03Better than Wrangler Bob's.
00:36:05What do you think?
00:36:07I think his burgers go.
00:36:08They're not bad.
00:36:09Calvin, you did a great job.
00:36:11Everybody did.
00:36:12That's because we have something that Wrangler Bob doesn't.
00:36:15A desperate need to succeed.
00:36:18Yes.
00:36:19Here's to Pop's Burger Stace.
00:36:20Hip, hip.
00:36:21Hooray.
00:36:22All right.
00:36:22Hey, Jay.
00:36:45Hold on, E.G.
00:36:46Wait till my quarter runs out.
00:36:48What's this?
00:36:49Grand opening, Pop's Burger Stace.
00:36:53I am losing my sense of humor, E.G.
00:36:57All right.
00:36:59You know, I told you you should.
00:37:00Just let me lean on her with a cattle prod or something.
00:37:04Well, thank goodness I don't hire you to thank you.
00:37:07I run a respectable corporation here, E.G.
00:37:10We don't have to resort to intimidation to get what we want.
00:37:13All it takes is a little finesse, something subtle.
00:37:19Looks like it's time for Wrangler Bob to get personally involved.
00:37:23E.G., you have to do it, E.G., you have change for a dollar.
00:37:43Where do you suppose everybody is?
00:37:44Maybe we should just give them a little more time.
00:37:46We've been saying that for hours.
00:37:49It takes a while for a new establishment to catch on.
00:37:51Just relax, huh?
00:37:53Something is definitely wrong here.
00:37:55I mean, we haven't had one customer all day.
00:37:58Where is everybody?
00:37:59We're here, boss.
00:38:18Hi, buckaroos and buckarit.
00:38:29Well, well, well.
00:38:46It's a nice little establishment you got here.
00:38:48So, is there something we can get for you?
00:38:50Oh, I didn't come here to get anything.
00:38:52I came here to give you something.
00:38:55A little advice.
00:38:56You see, this is America.
00:38:59And America was built on fast food.
00:39:02Those golden arches are our foundation.
00:39:05The very cornerstone of our greatness.
00:39:08And it takes more than just a good location to make it in the fast food business.
00:39:14It takes marketing surveys, demographic studies, product positioning, price per unit on volume generated, franchise overhead.
00:39:25Well, that's got nothing to do with food.
00:39:27Well, you've pretty much proven that.
00:39:29Well, thank you.
00:39:31Now, I don't want to rain on y'all's parade, but you see, y'all are just a little bitty piss saints in this business.
00:39:39So little, in fact, that if you're not careful, you're liable to get stepped on.
00:39:46So don't fight me.
00:39:48You can't win.
00:39:50Now, these badges will make you official decadies of mine.
00:39:54And they're good for one free small soda at any Wrangler Bob's locations.
00:40:00Tax not included.
00:40:01Boy, we're prohibited by law.
00:40:03So, remember, little piss saints never win.
00:40:09Have a nice day.
00:40:10Oh, we're just not making it.
00:40:19Why don't you give me some numbers?
00:40:20Forty-three dollars and twenty-eight cents.
00:40:25That's not a very good day.
00:40:27That's the total for the week.
00:40:29A week?
00:40:30Maybe Wrangler Bob was right.
00:40:35Maybe we're in over our heads here.
00:40:38Yeah, maybe.
00:40:40The question is, what are we going to do about it?
00:40:42Can I ask you for the manager, please?
00:40:52Oh, yes.
00:40:53Perhaps I can be a service?
00:40:54Actually, I'm the person that you should talk to.
00:40:56Um, Sam, why don't you put these in the back end?
00:40:58Give me a shake, huh?
00:41:02Tell me.
00:41:03Mary Beth Benson, Delta NuPi Sorority?
00:41:12Oh, I'm Kappa Kappa myself.
00:41:14Augie Hamilton?
00:41:16Yes, I've heard of you.
00:41:18Um, anyway, we're holding our annual fall cotillion tomorrow.
00:41:22And at the last minute, our regular caterer fell out.
00:41:24We're having some difficulty locating a replacement on such short notice.
00:41:28So we decided to serve, shall we say, a common meal.
00:41:34Do you think you could accommodate a small guest list?
00:41:36Say 150.
00:41:39People?
00:41:40Yes.
00:41:42Uh, that's tomorrow, right?
00:41:44Tomorrow.
00:41:46Well, I think we could fit you in.
00:41:48Good.
00:41:49We'll be there at 3 p.m. sharp.
00:41:51And could you make sure your health is clean and suitably attired?
00:41:56Absolutely.
00:41:57No problem.
00:41:58Good.
00:42:05Now, that is how to make a sale.
00:42:08All because of me, it seems that our luck is changing.
00:42:11I wouldn't count on it, Augie.
00:42:13Here's your shake.
00:42:19Augie, you know when the Delta NuPi store a party, everyone on campus knows about it.
00:42:23I'll sweat.
00:42:24We'll handle it.
00:42:25Look, this is a big break, man.
00:42:27You've got to make an ace impression.
00:42:33What?
00:42:34You're not listening to me again, are you?
00:42:36You know, Drew, sometimes I really don't understand women.
00:42:38So what?
00:42:41I take Sam, for instance.
00:42:43I mean, one minute she's really nice, you know, one of the guys.
00:42:46Then all of a sudden she freaks out over nothing.
00:42:48Look, Augie, maybe that's because you treat Sam like one of the guys.
00:42:51Trust me, she is not.
00:42:52What is that supposed to mean?
00:42:55Sam has always been funny when it comes to dating, stuff like that.
00:42:59She's very independent.
00:43:01Look, I think she likes you a lot more.
00:43:03She's willing to admit.
00:43:04Go on.
00:43:05Get out of here.
00:43:07Yeah, I don't understand it either.
00:43:09Anyway, we've got a lot more important things to do than worry about your love life.
00:43:12You know, we've got a party tomorrow, 150 people.
00:43:15Instead, it's no problem.
00:43:16We'll handle it.
00:43:17Come on.
00:43:18Right.
00:43:25That's a slow day.
00:43:27Every day is a slow day since we opened.
00:43:29That's why this party is going to save us.
00:43:31Three racks of buns.
00:43:33Augie, what do you think?
00:43:34I mean, are we going to make it?
00:43:40Well, that's kind of up to you, isn't it?
00:43:43Well, we're in this together.
00:43:45Who would have thought that would have happened?
00:43:49Maybe some things are just meant to be, huh?
00:43:53Well, yeah, I mean, I mean, the way you've handled it, it's been a big job and you've done it well.
00:44:00I'm impressed.
00:44:03Did Drew put you up to this?
00:44:05Drew?
00:44:06No.
00:44:07No.
00:44:08I'm just worried, Augie.
00:44:10I mean, I've got to make this work.
00:44:12I mean, this is all I have.
00:44:13You and Drew have a college education, but if this fails, I don't know what I would do.
00:44:21Don't you worry.
00:44:23Everything's going to be okay.
00:44:24All right.
00:44:24So why don't you go home and get some rest?
00:44:31I've got a million details before tomorrow.
00:44:33Thanks.
00:44:34Don't work too hard.
00:44:38Don't work too hard.
00:44:38Okay.
00:44:39I don't know.
00:45:09Oh, hi, Augie.
00:45:21Yeah, got a batch of that sauce for the new pie party?
00:45:24Yeah.
00:45:24Here it is, all ready to go.
00:45:26All right.
00:45:27So, I've been thinking, why don't you join us tonight?
00:45:29Have a little fun, huh?
00:45:30No, I don't think so.
00:45:32I'm not very good at parties.
00:45:33I spend most of my time here or at the movies.
00:45:36Anyway, I got a lot of work to catch up on.
00:45:37Hey, you've been working too hard lately.
00:45:39Why don't you loosen up a little?
00:45:40Take off the lab coat.
00:45:41Come with us.
00:45:43Come on, it'll be fun.
00:45:44Besides, we could use your help.
00:45:46Come on.
00:45:47All right, if you really need me.
00:45:48Absolutely.
00:45:50So, how's your research going, Calvin?
00:45:52Well, I'm analyzing Dr. Duran's love drug.
00:45:55It seems we've discovered a powerful aphrodisiac.
00:46:00Apparently, the substance affects a part of the brain that triggers complete sexual freedom.
00:46:04One whiff and you lose all your inhibitions.
00:46:08Yeah, I guess that would explain old hot pants Duran's reaction, huh?
00:46:11Yeah, old hot pants was an animal.
00:46:14Then just like that, eight hours later, the stuff wore off.
00:46:17I guess it's safe.
00:46:18All set.
00:46:22Think this party's going to be any fun?
00:46:24I'm betting on it, Calvin.
00:46:25Let's go.
00:46:26Let's go.
00:46:56Sam, you look different.
00:47:11I mean, beautiful.
00:47:16Thanks, Augie.
00:47:17You look nice, too.
00:47:18Well, if this is a college party, I certainly haven't missed much.
00:47:27Oh.
00:47:29They're not all like this.
00:47:34Should we get to work?
00:47:36Yeah.
00:47:39How could you honor Augie and those incompetents?
00:47:42Donald, I am not going to say this again.
00:47:46For the fifth time.
00:47:49They were the only ones I could get on such short notice.
00:47:52Now shut up and go get me a hamburger.
00:47:53You know I have low blood sugar and I must eat something.
00:47:55You'd be better off passing out.
00:47:57Isn't this party great?
00:48:04What's your thing?
00:48:06They smell good.
00:48:07Don't they?
00:48:08I think I'll just taste one little bite.
00:48:11What?
00:48:11What?
00:48:11What?
00:48:11What?
00:48:12What?
00:48:12Sam, what are you doing?
00:48:13What, Augie?
00:48:13I'm having a bite.
00:48:14What are you doing?
00:48:14No, no, no.
00:48:14You're eating up the profits is what you're doing.
00:48:16Now save these for the guests, all right?
00:48:17Let's go.
00:48:18It's dinner time.
00:48:19Nice.
00:48:20Are these absolutely ready to be served?
00:48:21Uh, yes, sir.
00:48:22Here you go.
00:48:23Mmm, this is absolutely the best burger I have ever tasted.
00:48:34Here, try it.
00:48:36Please.
00:48:37You know I don't like red meat.
00:48:38Mother would never allow me to eat it.
00:48:41Mmm.
00:48:41What is wrong with you?
00:48:44I feel strange.
00:48:48Floss.
00:48:49But you always floss.
00:48:54I don't want to floss, Donald.
00:48:56I want to walk on the wild side.
00:48:59Woo!
00:49:00We're going to take a little break right now.
00:49:02Try some of those delicious burgers.
00:49:06These are great.
00:49:14Wait a minute.
00:49:15I feel a little different.
00:49:16Let's rock and roll.
00:49:18I see the boys in the recreations.
00:49:34I know the girls in the parking lot.
00:49:37They don't know about appreciation.
00:49:41All they say is give me what you got.
00:49:43They say I want, I want, I want, I want it.
00:49:45That's what the girl is.
00:49:50Let's do it.
00:49:51Yeah.
00:49:52Yeah, I got love.
00:49:52Every time you think you know this shit.
00:49:55All you say is let's do it.
00:49:57You say I want, I want, I want, I want it.
00:50:01You got a real age.
00:50:02Yeah.
00:50:04Yeah, I got love.
00:50:05Have it.
00:50:07Come on, give it up.
00:50:09Yeah.
00:50:09I said I want, I want, I want, I want it.
00:50:12Yeah, I had a little bit more oregano.
00:50:42I want, I want, I want, I want, I want this.
00:50:46Yeah, I want it.
00:50:47Yes.
00:50:49Yeah, I've got it up after it.
00:50:51I want, I want, I want, I want, I want this.
00:51:12I want, I want, I want, I want, I want this.
00:51:20Who here wants to see the new Pye Wet t-shirt contest?
00:51:39Yes, all right, all right, all right, all right.
00:51:52Hey, our first contestant tonight is Miss Mary Beth Benson.
00:51:55Whoa.
00:51:57Miss Benson has a dream to see world peace and teach kindergarten.
00:52:01Whoa.
00:52:01As you can see, she's blessed with a great pair of personalities.
00:52:06Whoa.
00:52:07No respect.
00:52:08She gets no respect at all.
00:52:09Where is it?
00:52:11I'm taking you home.
00:52:12What are you doing?
00:52:13I'm taking you home.
00:52:14I am home.
00:52:15Stay in front.
00:52:17No, no, no, no, no.
00:52:24No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
00:52:54Oh, where'd you go, my little chickadee?
00:53:12Oh, Calvin!
00:53:15Come here!
00:53:16Mary Beth, I know you're in here.
00:53:30Mary Beth, Mary Beth, don't be afraid.
00:53:46Mary Beth?
00:53:50Hmm.
00:53:53Mary Beth!
00:53:57Wow, you must be into aerobics.
00:54:00I'm a phys ed major, Calvin, and I'm going to give you a workout.
00:54:06Mary Beth.
00:54:08Oh, that man's shorts.
00:54:10Oh, whoa.
00:54:11Oh, mm, mm, mm, mm.
00:54:16Oh, oh, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
00:54:21Mary Beth, are you in here?
00:54:24Mary Beth.
00:54:26Oh, my God!
00:54:31Oh, Mary Beth, wait.
00:54:33Mary Beth!
00:54:37Mary Beth!
00:54:38Don't get me wrong, can't you scare me?
00:54:39devil, baby?
00:54:43All the burgers up.
00:54:44Our baby's a king's turn.
00:54:45Augie dogie, they ate all the burgers.
00:54:47I mean, we're a hit!
00:54:48Sam?
00:54:49Ugh!
00:54:49Hey, do you know how hard it is to act like I don't care about you when I really do?
00:54:53Sam, you didn't eat a burger by any chance, did you?
00:54:56No, you told me not to, and I didn't.
00:54:59Augie, I wouldn't do anything you didn't tell me to do.
00:55:01Now, come on, have a drink.
00:55:02I mean, let's celebrate.
00:55:03They love us.
00:55:04That tastes terrible.
00:55:05What's in it?
00:55:06Oh, I loved Calvin sauce so much,
00:55:09but I mixed it with some tequila,
00:55:10and then I ate the worm.
00:55:12Now, come here, Augie, Sam.
00:55:13No, Sam, you didn't.
00:55:14Sam.
00:55:14Augie, don't you like me?
00:55:16Don't you want me?
00:55:17Yeah, I mean, no.
00:55:18I mean, yes, but not like that.
00:55:20Here's from heaven.
00:55:53Where are we?
00:56:04Oh, what have you done?
00:56:06What have I done?
00:56:08What have you done?
00:56:09You know, just when I thought we could be friends, you go and do something like this.
00:56:12Oh, Sam, calm down.
00:56:13It's not what you think.
00:56:14It's a little more complicated than that.
00:56:15No, no, it's very simple.
00:56:17I got drunk and you nailed me.
00:56:18Oh, hey, nothing happened.
00:56:19Trust me.
00:56:20Trust you?
00:56:21I don't even like you.
00:56:23Oh, well, obviously you liked me last night.
00:56:32Have you seen Calvin?
00:56:33Do I look like I've seen Calvin?
00:56:55Calvin.
00:57:06Calvin.
00:57:08Calvin, you in here?
00:57:16Help.
00:57:17Somebody?
00:57:19Anybody out there?
00:57:21Calvin?
00:57:21Augie?
00:57:22Augie?
00:57:23How can he do it in here?
00:57:25Oh, freezing my buns off.
00:57:27Hurry up and get me off this thing.
00:57:29Ow.
00:57:30Ow.
00:57:31Ow.
00:57:32Ow.
00:57:33Augie, couldn't you see I was stuck to that thing?
00:57:36Ow.
00:57:37Are you all right?
00:57:38Oh, Augie, it was beautiful.
00:57:41She was like a flower.
00:57:42She just kept blossoming and blossoming.
00:57:45Oh.
00:57:46Who are you talking about?
00:57:48Mary Beth.
00:57:49Gosh, Augie.
00:57:50Thanks for inviting me to this party.
00:57:52I think I'm in love.
00:57:53Mary Beth Benson?
00:57:55Yeah.
00:57:56She's crazy about me.
00:57:57Just like...
00:57:58Just like Dr. Duran.
00:58:01I, uh, think we better have a talk, Calvin.
00:58:03But, uh, first let's get you into the sun and thaw you out, huh?
00:58:05At least the substance metabolizes in several hours, leaving you with just a pounding headache.
00:58:12You should never have used it, Augie.
00:58:13Come on, Calvin.
00:58:14Did you not have fun?
00:58:15Isn't that the best night of your life?
00:58:17Oh, yeah.
00:58:18But this is a nightmare.
00:58:20If Dr. Duran finds out, I'm gonna be in big trouble.
00:58:22I could lose my job.
00:58:24But the party was a hit.
00:58:25It was a success.
00:58:26Now the burger station would be so popular, you won't need that job with Dr. Duran.
00:58:29You'll come work for us.
00:58:31Augie, you've pulled some crazy stunts before.
00:58:33But this isn't like spiking the punch in high school.
00:58:35Formula 9 is dangerous stuff.
00:58:37It was a gamble we had at 10.
00:58:39We needed to make a good impression.
00:58:40You know what Wrangler Bob says, in business you need an edge.
00:58:43Well, now we got our edge.
00:58:45Oh, I don't know, Augie.
00:58:48Oh.
00:58:49You don't worry about a thing.
00:58:52I'll take care of you.
00:58:59Augie, you are lucky to know when I was here last night.
00:59:01But you can't ever use it again.
00:59:03Calvin, I need the formula.
00:59:05I mean, look at all these people.
00:59:06The business will never survive without it.
00:59:08No, Augie.
00:59:09Calvin, there's a lot riding on this.
00:59:10I promise, as soon as we're up and running, I'll stop using it.
00:59:13How bad can it be?
00:59:14I don't know.
00:59:15It's never been properly tested.
00:59:21You believe this crowd?
00:59:23We have to open early.
00:59:24Yeah.
00:59:25Sam, about last night.
00:59:26I want to...
00:59:27Look, it's gonna be a very busy day.
00:59:28I suggest we keep the talk to a minimum.
00:59:31Calvin, will you open up, please?
00:59:32Sure, Sam.
00:59:35Whoa, guys, wait, wait.
00:59:36Whoa!
00:59:37No!
01:00:07What a day, man.
01:00:27Sam, how'd we do?
01:00:28$5,094.
01:00:31Wow!
01:00:32I'm gonna get dropped the cash at the night deposit.
01:00:36Good night.
01:00:37Good night.
01:00:39What's wrong with her?
01:00:41Me? What else?
01:00:43We had a little misunderstanding last night.
01:00:46I don't worry about Sam.
01:00:47She's probably just tired.
01:00:48It's a long day.
01:00:49If this keeps up, we're gonna have to hire more help.
01:00:52Look, Drew, I wouldn't count a business staying so good.
01:00:55Are you kidding?
01:00:56Did you see those people any day?
01:00:57We're a hit.
01:00:58Yeah, but we had a little help.
01:01:01I added a dose of Formula 9 to our secret sauce.
01:01:05Formula 9?
01:01:06Yeah.
01:01:06You know, the stuff that made Dr. Duran go so wild?
01:01:11And you used it today?
01:01:13Well, sure.
01:01:14I mean, what would happen if the crowd didn't get a reaction?
01:01:16We'd be sunk.
01:01:17I don't care.
01:01:18You can't drug the public.
01:01:21That's not the way to run a business, Augie.
01:01:23Since when did you get a conscience?
01:01:25I don't know, but I know that's not right.
01:01:28Well, what are you gonna do?
01:01:29Run and tell Sam?
01:01:30No, I'm not gonna run and tell Sam.
01:01:32I'm not gonna have to.
01:01:33Because we are not gonna use it again.
01:01:43More blood, Johnny.
01:01:44Last time, I looked like I was ready for a tow tag.
01:01:47You wanted to see me?
01:01:49E.G.
01:01:50These kids are killing me.
01:01:53Business at 194 is down 86%.
01:01:56Now, I try talking nice to that girl.
01:01:58But nobody, but nobody messes with Wrangler Bob's bottom line.
01:02:03This means war.
01:02:05Get out, all of you.
01:02:06Go on, get out.
01:02:06Not you, dummy.
01:02:09This means we're gonna have to call in reinforcements.
01:02:20Hello, Puddin'.
01:02:21Who's this?
01:02:23This is Daddy Bucks.
01:02:25Oh, Daddy Bucks.
01:02:27What do you want?
01:02:28Are you in the bubble bath?
01:02:31Yeah.
01:02:32Well, let me listen.
01:02:33How's that sound?
01:02:37Black heaven, Puddin'.
01:02:38I got a little job for you.
01:02:41No job's too big or too small for you, Wrangler Bob.
01:02:48Hmm.
01:02:56Mystery Lady!
01:03:03Hi there, boys.
01:03:22Who's in charge here?
01:03:25I am.
01:03:26Well, I'm Dixie Love, and I'm looking for an appointment.
01:03:31You mean here?
01:03:32Could you have some work to do?
01:03:34Yeah.
01:03:37You want to work here?
01:03:38Only if I get to wear one of these.
01:03:46Why does she want to work here, Augie?
01:03:47She's a little polished for this place, don't you think?
01:03:50You have to admit, you look great behind a counter.
01:03:52Besides, appearance is important.
01:03:54You know, why bother even asking me?
01:03:56You've obviously made up your mind already.
01:03:58We could all go home.
01:03:59You don't need us here.
01:04:00You could run this place all by yourself.
01:04:03Don't get on me just because she's beautiful, okay?
01:04:06Fine, Augie.
01:04:06Just hire her, all right?
01:04:07Get her in a uniform.
01:04:09Just leave me alone.
01:04:10She loves you.
01:04:17Let's get you in a uniform.
01:04:26This place sure got popular in a hurry.
01:04:29I reckon it did.
01:04:30You know, Bud, you seem to know an awful lot about the restaurant business.
01:04:36I bet you're the brains behind this whole operation.
01:04:40Why don't you teach me the secret of your success?
01:04:43It's all in the wrist.
01:04:44You might say I developed my own style.
01:04:49No, Bud.
01:04:50I mean, how did the burger station hit so big, so fast?
01:04:55Oh, Dad.
01:04:56We got her own special sauce.
01:04:58Well, everybody's got their own special sauce.
01:05:01Not like this.
01:05:03This makes you horny as it's whole.
01:05:06Really?
01:05:07Hmm.
01:05:08In fact, it was so strong that Drew made Augie stop using it.
01:05:14Why are you making me do all the work, anyway?
01:05:31Hey, Bill.
01:05:36I'm big.
01:05:37It's a long day.
01:05:41Oh.
01:05:44How's it going?
01:05:45It's okay.
01:05:47You know, it still seems funny that Pop's not here.
01:05:51Yeah, I know.
01:05:54When we were little, we'd catch lightning bugs, put them in a jar, run through the dark.
01:06:00And Pop told us they all had little bulbs on the end, and we went to the store to buy lightning bug bulbs.
01:06:05The man at the store told you there was no such thing, but you wouldn't believe him.
01:06:08You weren't going to live without him.
01:06:11Oh.
01:06:12It was great.
01:06:14I can be pretty hard-headed sometimes.
01:06:20Sam, if you're still upset about the party, don't be.
01:06:23Augie said nothing to me.
01:06:24I mean, Drew, he makes me crazy.
01:06:26He walks around like he owns the place, and he tells everybody what to do.
01:06:29I don't know why you'd hang around that guy.
01:06:33I don't.
01:06:34I don't think you understand him.
01:06:36I mean, he's a good guy.
01:06:37He's a good friend of mine.
01:06:39Besides, we all went a little crazy that night.
01:06:41Well, you guys felt right at home.
01:06:43I mean, I made a complete fool out of myself.
01:06:47Well, you can't really blame Augie for that.
01:06:49Look, I admit, he gets carried away, but he means well.
01:06:56He really wants this thing to work.
01:06:58He's over at the station right now.
01:07:01Is he really?
01:07:02He's over at the station right now.
01:07:32He's over at the station.
01:08:02.
01:08:04.
01:08:06.
01:08:08.
01:08:10.
01:08:12.
01:08:14.
01:08:16.
01:08:18.
01:08:20.
01:08:22.
01:08:24.
01:08:26.
01:08:30.
01:08:36.
01:08:39.
01:08:45.
01:08:47.
01:08:50.
01:08:52.
01:08:53.
01:08:56.
01:08:58.
01:08:59Sam, what are you doing here?
01:09:04I was looking for you, actually.
01:09:07Um, Augie, I know I've been acting sort of stupid lately.
01:09:11Well, about the other night, I just wanted to apologize.
01:09:15I think maybe I've been wrong about you.
01:09:18Well, that's fine.
01:09:20Look, I was just leaving. Can I walk you out?
01:09:23Yeah.
01:09:23What was that?
01:09:26Uh, nothing.
01:09:27Hey, Sam, you remember Dixie, huh?
01:09:33Uh, she was just coming.
01:09:35I mean, we were just going.
01:09:36Working late, huh, Augie?
01:09:38Sam, wait.
01:09:41Destiny, okay.
01:09:43I knew you would like this!
01:09:46Ow, Sam, Sam, Sam.
01:09:51Sam, I don't understand.
01:09:53Trust me, it's not what it seems.
01:09:54It's all a big mistake.
01:09:55You're the mistake, Augie.
01:10:02Operator, I'd like the Pure Food and Drug Administration in Washington, D.C., our nation's capital.
01:10:10Industrial espionage is what made America great.
01:10:14And who are we to argue with tradition?
01:10:16You're $3.00 short.
01:10:21D.G., you got changed for a five?
01:10:32Morning, Sam.
01:10:33I'm just going to clean up out front before we open.
01:10:35Thanks, Kelly.
01:10:36Uh, Sam, you better get back out here.
01:10:46I don't think these guys are customers.
01:10:48Um, can I help you?
01:10:50Are you Samantha Davis?
01:10:51Yes.
01:10:52Special Agent Dickworth, FDA.
01:10:54These are Agents Jones and Mendez.
01:10:56Seal, everything.
01:10:57What's going on?
01:10:58We have evidence implicating you and your associates in a conspiracy to lace food sold to the public with drugs.
01:11:05Drugs?
01:11:06Oh, there's got to be mistakes.
01:11:07I'm sure the judge will be happy to hear all about it.
01:11:09Pending a hearing before a federal bench, this establishment is padlocked by court order.
01:11:13Preliminary hearing set for in the morning.
01:11:15Now, everyone out of here.
01:11:16This place is closed.
01:11:17What's going on?
01:11:34What do you know about drugs in our sauce?
01:11:38Drugs?
01:11:39I can't.
01:11:39I know.
01:11:40You can explain.
01:11:41But, you know, I don't want to hear it.
01:11:42You can't do anything, honestly, can you?
01:11:45You just don't know how.
01:11:46No. You're never going to grow up.
01:11:48You're never...
01:11:48Sam, just wait a second.
01:11:49Shut up, Drew.
01:11:50I can't believe you let this happen.
01:11:53I knew I should have never gotten mixed up with you.
01:11:56You're bad news, Augie Hamilton.
01:11:59How could you do this to me?
01:12:05Dr. Durant is going to have my test hoops for this.
01:12:08Guess we could always make it a service station again, huh?
01:12:12That's a little more complicated than that, guys.
01:12:15What do you mean?
01:12:15Well, you remember when we got the loan from the bank?
01:12:18Well, they weren't going to give us some money unless we signed over the service station property as collateral.
01:12:22I didn't know Sam did that.
01:12:24Neither does she.
01:12:25I signed her name on the documents.
01:12:26You forged Samantha's name?
01:12:28I didn't think they'd call in the loan.
01:12:30I mean, we pulled this off before.
01:12:32This isn't like conning some freshman out of his allowance, Augie.
01:12:36We're your friends.
01:12:37How did you do that to us, man?
01:12:40You did it for us.
01:12:41No, you did it for you.
01:12:43Just like you do everything else.
01:12:47You know, I'm tired of always making excuses for you.
01:12:50I am over it, man.
01:12:56You give me a ride home.
01:13:01Yeah.
01:13:02I keep walking down your street.
01:13:22On the chance that we might meet, so you can talk to me.
01:13:27Oh-oh-oh-oh.
01:13:28And when I see you in a crowd in my mind, I cry out loud for you to talk to me.
01:13:36Oh-oh-oh-oh.
01:13:37But I can see you don't want to say you want.
01:13:42No, you don't want to talk to me.
01:13:46Oh-oh-oh.
01:13:47And I can see you don't want to say you want.
01:13:51No, you don't want to talk to me.
01:13:54Talk to me.
01:13:56Oh-oh-oh.
01:13:57Well, there's one way I get through to you.
01:14:00I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
01:14:02Stop talking in my sleep.
01:14:04It's the only way I keep myself.
01:14:07Now I know I have a handbag with my dad, isn't it?
01:14:10I must hide.
01:14:11So no one sees frustration in my eyes.
01:14:14My tricks I'm going to try.
01:14:16Say that you want.
01:14:18Hey.
01:14:20No, you don't want to talk to me.
01:14:24Oh-oh.
01:14:25And I can see you don't want.
01:14:30No, you don't want to talk to me.
01:14:33Talk to me.
01:14:33Oh-oh.
01:14:34I could show you all the world.
01:14:41I could cover all the hurts.
01:14:46Won't you give me half a chance?
01:14:50I know you're gonna like it.
01:14:54Oh-oh.
01:14:55Oh-oh.
01:14:55Oh-oh.
01:14:56Oh-oh.
01:14:57Oh-oh.
01:14:58Oh-oh.
01:14:58Oh-oh.
01:14:59Oh-oh.
01:14:59Oh-oh.
01:15:00Oh-oh.
01:15:00Oh-oh.
01:15:01Oh-oh.
01:15:01Oh-oh.
01:15:02Oh-oh.
01:15:02Oh-oh.
01:15:03Oh-oh.
01:15:03Oh-oh.
01:15:04Oh-oh.
01:15:09Mr. Buddy, can you make a statement, please?
01:15:11Sure.
01:15:11Reporters, E.G., get these hacks off right now.
01:15:14Wrangler, Bob, we have a safe keep-up.
01:15:26Look, Sam, if you want to go in, there's another problem.
01:15:29We didn't talk about it.
01:15:31We're not even when you first got the loan.
01:15:33Look, what is Wrangler Bob doing here?
01:15:35I didn't know Dixie knew Wrangler Bob.
01:15:42Looks like we've been set up.
01:15:52Now, everybody's attention.
01:15:55Wrangler Bob will now make a statement.
01:15:59I'm sure all you good folks at home are wondering why your old buddy Wrangler Bob is here today.
01:16:05Well, fast food is near and dear to my heart.
01:16:08And I hate to see this noble institution get a black eye by a few misguided individuals.
01:16:16And I just hope that these mild contents receive the full measure of justice that this judge can dish out.
01:16:23Well, that's enough for now.
01:16:25I'll see y'all after court.
01:16:26I have some very influential friends, and I just might be able to get you out of this trouble you're in if I can mind.
01:16:38I'm listening.
01:16:40Samantha, no.
01:16:40Drew, look, I would just like to forget this ever happened.
01:16:45So, what are you offering?
01:16:47Your property, minus the expenses I incur trying to close these people down.
01:16:51That's ridiculous.
01:16:53You can sell it to me, or I'll buy it from the bank, and they foreclose the mortgage on your property.
01:16:57Mortgage?
01:16:59What mortgage?
01:17:00That's what I was trying to tell you before we went in.
01:17:02I can see you two have a lot to talk with them.
01:17:06See you on the inside.
01:17:14You're too old to be playing with toys.
01:17:17I'm confiscating your weapons.
01:17:19Now, grow up!
01:17:21Case dismissed.
01:17:26All right, Payless, let's go.
01:17:27Next case.
01:17:35The People versus Pop's Burger Station.
01:17:42Is the prosecuting ready?
01:17:44Yes, Your Honor.
01:17:45The prosecution plans to present evidence that the owners of Pop's Burger Station willfully and with premeditated malice
01:17:54laced food sold to the public with dangerous mood-altering stimulants.
01:17:59If it please the court, I'd like to present this as Exhibit A,
01:18:03the secret sauce from Pop's Burger Station.
01:18:08All right, honey.
01:18:09Lay it there.
01:18:10Take a chair.
01:18:12Now then,
01:18:13do you people have legal representation?
01:18:17If not,
01:18:19the court...
01:18:20Your Honor,
01:18:21Gus is Hamilton.
01:18:22I'll be representing the defense.
01:18:25Great.
01:18:26We're gonna go to prison.
01:18:27They're gonna make me somebody's wife.
01:18:30Your Honor,
01:18:30I am here today because of my commitment to the individual businessman.
01:18:33You see,
01:18:34I could not sit idly by as big business crushes yet another set of young independents.
01:18:38Mr. Hamilton,
01:18:39don't give me that malarkey.
01:18:42You know that you are supposed to be here anyway.
01:18:44You're a subpoenaed witness.
01:18:45Yes, sir.
01:18:48That too.
01:18:50Are you sure you kids haven't got any objection to this?
01:18:53Your Honor,
01:18:53I would...
01:18:53Your Honor,
01:18:54before I call my first witness,
01:18:56I'd like to address the court, if I may.
01:18:58I think it could save us some time.
01:18:59Very well, Mr. Hamilton.
01:19:00The court is always willing to save the taxpayers' money.
01:19:04Proceed.
01:19:07I put the formula in the Burger Station's special sauce.
01:19:11Hmm?
01:19:11I acted totally alone without any previous knowledge from the defendants.
01:19:18If anyone is to be punished here today, it is I.
01:19:23I see.
01:19:24All right.
01:19:25But, Your Honor, I'm also guilty of something else.
01:19:29Mm-hmm.
01:19:31I'm guilty of letting down my best friends.
01:19:34Probably the only real friends I've ever had.
01:19:38You see, sometimes when a person is so into himself, he forgets what's important.
01:19:42Well, I guess I have some going up to do.
01:19:47Well, that was a real pretty speech, Judd.
01:19:49But when are we going to get on with this barbecue?
01:19:51I want to see these people prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
01:19:56Order in this court.
01:19:57Who are you?
01:19:59Well, I'm Wrangler Bob Bundy.
01:20:02Well, sit down and shut up.
01:20:06Now, if we may, proceed with the business of this court.
01:20:09Mr. Hamilton.
01:20:10I'd like to cause my first witness, Dr. Rachel Duran.
01:20:15She's a research chemist at Hopkins College and the creator of the alleged drug used in the Burger Station sauce.
01:20:23Put it there, sweetheart.
01:20:27All right, all right.
01:20:29Proceed.
01:20:29Let's go.
01:20:30Dr. Duran, could you please tell us if the formula used in the Burger Station food does contain mood-altering stimulants?
01:20:36Yes, that's correct.
01:20:37I'm so glad he ain't mild, Louis.
01:20:39I don't know his habeas with his dadgum corpus.
01:20:41It lowers your inhibitions and makes you want to live out your fantasies.
01:20:45However, under the influence of this chemical agent, you wouldn't do anything you didn't want to do.
01:20:50And would the FDA classify this as a drug?
01:20:53Absolutely not.
01:20:54All the ingredients in the formula are natural.
01:20:56Now, Dr. Duran, could you please tell the court if you've ever heard of the chemical diapriamens...
01:21:03Diapriamensidine methylene, yes.
01:21:06It's an artificial ingredient that's used to enhance the taste of cheap, fast food.
01:21:11Well, that's funny, because that's the main ingredient in Wrangler Bob's secret sauce.
01:21:15The one he advertises is 100% natural.
01:21:18Now, wait just a cotton-picking minute.
01:21:20I'm not on trial, hear?
01:21:21Your Honor, I object.
01:21:23Order in this court!
01:21:25Sit down, shut up!
01:21:27I'm talking to you, Bundy.
01:21:30And as for you, young man,
01:21:33endangering others for personal gain is an immature and irresponsible act.
01:21:39I hope you realize that.
01:21:41Yes, sir, I do.
01:21:41Well, fortunately, this time, no one was hurt and thanks to Dr. Duran's, thank you, honey, expert testimony, no law was broken.
01:21:53Hold on, dear.
01:21:54Their sauce is better than mine.
01:21:56Well, Mr. Bundy, that is called free enterprise.
01:22:00I never heard of it.
01:22:02Mr. Hamilton, I trust that I will never see you in this court again.
01:22:08Hey, it's dismissed.
01:22:15Leave me alone.
01:22:16Come on.
01:22:19Get out of my way.
01:22:20Get out of my way.
01:22:21Now, hold on, sweetheart.
01:22:23I'll give you a million dollars for that formula.
01:22:25I want it in my sauce.
01:22:27I'm sorry, Formula 9 was an accident, a fluke.
01:22:29I couldn't do it again without extensive testing.
01:22:31It's not even patented.
01:22:33It's not?
01:22:34E.G., get me that sauce.
01:22:36Don't, get out of my way.
01:22:39Order, order, order.
01:22:41A million dollars for anybody to get me that sauce.
01:22:44Order, order.
01:22:46I gotta go.
01:22:48Let's go.
01:23:18Let's go.
01:23:48I don't think you've settled things with me.
01:24:08I mean, after all you've done, I shouldn't even speak to you.
01:24:13I don't blame you.
01:24:18So, what are you going to do now?
01:24:21I don't know.
01:24:22I guess I'll look for a job or something.
01:24:27Well, good luck.
01:24:28I mean, I'll probably see you around, right?
01:24:31Yeah.
01:24:32Maybe I'll see you around sometime.
01:24:34I'll see you around.
01:24:38Augie, I know this fast food restaurant that needs a good manager.
01:24:45Oh, yeah?
01:24:46Mm-hmm.
01:24:47The pay is low, but the hours are terrible.
01:24:51I'll take it.
01:24:52Let's go have a party.
01:25:15I'll see you around.
01:25:16Bye.
01:25:16Bye.
01:25:20Me, gee, after I put your kids through college, I was thinking about maybe us going into business together.
01:25:26I've always thought of you and my faithful Indian companion.
01:25:30Drop the slop and listen up.
01:25:41This is your old buddy Wrangler Bob and I take eating seriously.
01:25:45Ain't that right, Winchester?
01:25:46That's right, Wrangler Bob.
01:25:48And at Wrangler Bob's, my guts are growling, I ain't thinking about tofu and sprouts, meats on my mind.
01:25:56Ain't that right, Winchester?
01:25:57That's right, Wrangler Bob.
01:25:59And at Wrangler Bob's, we serve the best Texas-style burgers that ever hits your gut.
01:26:05Ain't that right, Winchester?
01:26:06Oh, you can say that again, Wrangler Bob.
01:26:08Yes, sir.
01:26:09At Wrangler Bob's, we put a little bit of Texas in every burger.
01:26:13Because an empty gut is like an unloaded gun.
01:26:17A dangerous proposition.
01:26:19Am I right, Winchester?
01:26:21Am I right, Winchester?
01:26:23He knows.
01:26:27You remember when you were a youngin' and the best place in the world to be was Mama's Kitchen?
01:26:32All those wonderful smells coming from heaven.
01:26:35Cakes and cookies and pies.
01:26:37Will it, Wrangler Bob's?
01:26:39We always make our desserts fresh and delicious because moms in each and every one of our kitchens
01:26:45cookin' them up fresh just for you.
01:26:48Mama, how do you get around like that?
01:26:51I don't know.
01:26:54Friday?
01:26:57Cut, cut.
01:26:59Shall we lose Mama and set up the truck wagon set?
01:27:07Bingo.
01:27:08Roy, would you run a magnet over her pacemaker?
01:27:11I didn't heed those warning signs, paid little or no attention.
01:27:34It took some time to understand the power of love's medication.
01:27:49The days were long, nights were all wrong, searching for some conservation.
01:27:57But right in the middle of acting so cool, you came along and rescued the soul.
01:28:06I felt a great room in love.
01:28:09I felt a great room in love.
01:28:10Watch the�� and the sea.
01:28:10I felt a great room, never much.
01:28:12Let's go watch the beach.
01:28:13Stay right.
01:28:31Bye, everyone.
01:28:33Yeah.
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